1 00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:06,381 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,259 D'oh! 3 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,602 Come on, come on. Stupid neck. 4 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:23,023 After all the food I put down you. 5 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,031 {\an8}Mmm, button. 6 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,117 {\an8}Homie. What's going on? 7 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,370 {\an8}Knee? 8 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,873 {\an8}HAIM? Lick? 9 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,042 Need Heimlich. 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,339 {\an8}Well played, Marge. 11 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:52,218 {\an8}For God's sakes, why don't you just buy a shirt with a bigger neck? 12 00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,971 {\an8}Neck shaming, Marge. Neck shaming. 13 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:56,765 {\an8}That's not a thing. 14 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,850 {\an8}Who made you president of things? 15 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,727 {\an8}Quit your bickering. We'll be late. 16 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,314 {\an8}Dad, we were saving that suit for you to be buried in. 17 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,316 {\an8}This isn't my funeral? 18 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:09,444 {\an8}Oh. 19 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:16,701 {\an8}Hmm. 20 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,289 He-Hey! 21 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:30,173 {\an8}It's the 35th annual Springie Awards honoring our town's finest. 22 00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,800 {\an8}And here's Ms. Hoover. 23 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,426 {\an8}Who are you wearing? 24 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,763 {\an8}Same thing I always wear. I can only afford one dress. 25 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:41,768 Teachers. We can never repay you for all you do, so we won't. 26 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,063 {\an8}Rainier Wolfcastle. What are you up for? 27 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,981 {\an8}I'm a presenter. 28 00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:52,987 {\an8}I'll be backstage in the greenroom gobbling up the caprese panini. 29 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:58,493 And now, please welcome your host for this evening. 30 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:02,163 {\an8}He's charming, he's svelte, he's got beer on his belt. 31 00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:04,374 {\an8}-Duffman! - Oh, yeah. 32 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,669 {\an8}This shamelessly self-indulgent awards show 33 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,421 is brought to you by Duff Lite. 34 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:14,467 Some right-wing groups have accused our beer of being too woke. 35 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:18,805 Let me say the only thing our beer stands for is getting drunk, 36 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:22,892 getting fat, and buying more till you pass out. 37 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,019 God bless America. 38 00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,187 Can I still say that? 39 00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,856 Oh, yeah. 40 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,107 So if you have a chance, 41 00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:33,027 take your family to the fabulous new Springfield Academy Museum. 42 00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:36,030 Closed Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. 43 00:02:36,030 --> 00:02:39,033 Admission is free but parking is extremely expensive. 44 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,869 Boo! 45 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:46,249 And now I'm afraid we must apologize for an earlier in memoriam tribute 46 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:48,334 to the person we said was dead 47 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:52,839 but was actually alive who now is actually dead. 48 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,341 It is our bad. 49 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,844 But I'm alive. 50 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:02,390 And now Springfield's Nicest Person. 51 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,559 Here's a surprise-- Not. 52 00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,854 The winner is Ned Flanders. 53 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,647 Ah, he always wins. 54 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:12,192 I really don't deserve this. I don't. 55 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,652 I mean, what do I do that any good man wouldn't? 56 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:16,279 I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. 57 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,365 Thank you for playing me off. Just what I deserve. 58 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:20,700 Oh, yeah! 59 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,535 Oh. Skunked again. 60 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:26,122 I can't believe Maggie lost for Best Silent Baby. 61 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,503 {\an8}And now the award for Best Sailboat Painting goes to 62 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,589 {\an8}Sideshow Mel. 63 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,302 They have the same painting as us. 64 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,554 But yours is askew. 65 00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,264 Askew, I say. 66 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,350 {\an8}Will this show never end? 67 00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:47,727 {\an8}Enough! 68 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:53,066 And, finally, the award for our town's most underappreciated person. 69 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,817 Mm-hmm. 70 00:03:54,817 --> 00:04:00,907 Who is so modest, they have no idea their name is about to be called. 71 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:04,410 The winner is Marge Simpson. 72 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,287 - What? - Way to go, Mom! 73 00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,248 Yay, Mom! 74 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,250 Marge! Marge! Marge! 75 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,757 Oh. Just a dream. 76 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,426 But I can still enjoy it one minute more. 77 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,513 - Bart's kicking my ribs! - Lisa's ribs are poking my foot. 78 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,224 Marge, I'm gonna sing in the shower, and I need backup. 79 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,559 All right, all right. I'm getting up. 80 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,188 I'll just say this. 81 00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:35,817 Even when you visit me, it's worse than when you don't visit me. 82 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:40,280 I'm sorry to say your dog is getting along in years. 83 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,491 I'm afraid he's developed Dogzheimer's. 84 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:45,201 Dogzheimer's? 85 00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,744 Oh, I've heard of that. 86 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:51,124 Not as bad as Cowheimer's, but-- What were we talking about again? 87 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:56,296 Oh, I totally agree. 88 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:04,470 - I can put either of them down. - What the-- 89 00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:08,683 Look, Ma. I broke both my middle fingers. 90 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:13,980 Ew. Ew, ew. That is so gross. I can't even enjoy that it's you. 91 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,400 Homie, I need help. Where are you? 92 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:20,987 Hmm. 93 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,073 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 94 00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,241 Nothing gets through. 95 00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,202 Only thing I want going in their brains is booze. 96 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,712 So, who won? 97 00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:39,422 Me, 'cause I wasn't playing. 98 00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,806 Oh, my God. Marge has been trying to reach me all day. 99 00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:52,310 Ah! My father's in the hospital. As a patient. 100 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:59,275 Marge. - Not a word. 101 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:05,156 Can you fix these? My ass hangs out. 102 00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:08,868 Give 'em to me, where all problems end up. 103 00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:13,790 We now return to Trash for Cash. 104 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:19,253 This seemingly average weather vane was originally made in France. 105 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:22,090 Makes sense. I bought it in Giverny. 106 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:27,845 {\an8}Yes. I'd say the value is at the very least $5,000. 107 00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:31,391 {\an8}We'd be able to cover the whole back forty in insecticide. 108 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,894 When will I get my insecticide? 109 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:39,107 My late husband owned these pants. He was a rather large man. 110 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,316 Don't much miss him. 111 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,237 The key to the value of these jeans is 112 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:48,324 {\an8}that both the E's in Leevi's are capitalized. 113 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,742 {\an8}Ooh. 114 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:54,497 Also-- very good for you-- these pants have hidden rivets... 115 00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:56,457 Hmm. 116 00:06:56,457 --> 00:07:02,964 ...which were used before 1967 when open rivets were considered vulgar. 117 00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:06,968 Does it matter that these were frequently worn? 118 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,970 Including sometimes in bed? 119 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,305 I never visit his grave. 120 00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:17,061 Actually, with jeans, a highly distressed seat can increase the value. 121 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:23,401 I'd say the minimum possible value for these pants is... 122 00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,153 Oh... 123 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,613 {\an8}...$2,600. 124 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:32,743 Having a husband finally paid off. 125 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:49,802 Uh-- Uh, Homer? I couldn't fix your pants. You'll have to wear something else. 126 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:54,474 - Can I wear my Speedo to work? - I'm afraid not, but we'll be fine. 127 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,393 Aw, I make her happy. 128 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,896 Oh, you got a loose hair. 129 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:00,813 Fixed it. 130 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:08,905 ♪ Leevi's Leevi's make me money ♪ 131 00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:14,744 ♪ They're worth a lot they say ♪ 132 00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:19,248 ♪ And I shall wear a sweatpants ♪ 133 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,627 ♪ And I shall stretch the waistband Whoo ♪ 134 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,630 ♪ And I shall wear a sweatpants ♪ 135 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:29,634 ♪ Covering my gorgeous can Whoo ♪ 136 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:33,888 Morning, Jerry. Whoo! 137 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,974 ♪ And they shall be Leevi's ♪ 138 00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:40,520 ♪ And I shall wear a sweatpants ♪ 139 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,856 ♪ And they shall be Leevi's ♪ 140 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:46,859 ♪ Sweatpants for the husky man ♪ 141 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:54,367 ♪ They shall be Leevi's ♪ ♪ They shall be sweatpants ♪ 142 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,215 Yes. May I help you? 143 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,508 Comic Book Guy? 144 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:16,180 No, I am his cousin, Collectible Pants Dude, or CPD. Whatever. 145 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,265 I see. 146 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:21,352 Well, I, uh, may be interested in selling this vintage item. 147 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,438 Huh, I say. I will give you... 148 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,816 ...$20. 149 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,526 Not so fast, bub. 150 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:35,116 I happen to know these are 501XX, big double-E jeans, with hidden rivets. 151 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,368 Zoinks. I see you know pants. 152 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,871 In that case, my offer is $22. 153 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:44,250 I saw a pair on eBay for 3,000. 154 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,419 Oh-- 155 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,421 Fine. You have me, madam. 156 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,964 Because I must have them. 157 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,883 I've never seen such a perfectly distressed rear. 158 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,469 I mean, these pants have experienced thousands-- 159 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:58,723 I say thousands-- of pounds of butt pressure. 160 00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,891 Yes, he's got a big keister. 161 00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:02,893 Are we gonna deal or what? 162 00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:05,980 Sorry. Collectible clothes are my one addiction. 163 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:09,066 Also cannabis gummies and the films of Kenneth Anger. 164 00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:14,905 But I digress. My offer is $2,595, okay? 165 00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:18,159 - Hmm... - I see you hesitate. 166 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:21,412 Let me zip up this deal and button its fly, okay? 167 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,754 Um, let me think just a little bit more. 168 00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,923 You've already put the money in your bag. 169 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,009 Oh. So I have. 170 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:36,927 Mmm. 171 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:38,012 Deal. 172 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,223 - Mmm. - Oh, my God. 173 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:45,186 There are so many things I could do for my family's future with this money. 174 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,814 Mom, the money you gave me paid for a week of college. 175 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:49,899 Next. 176 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,985 You used the money for a neck tattoo? 177 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,528 Not just the neck. 178 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:56,697 Next. 179 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,747 Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer. 180 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,750 I am so sick of hearing about that jerk. 181 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:12,338 "I built a bomb, then I was sad when they dropped it." Boo-hoo. 182 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,298 Aren't you sick of Oppenheimer, Smithers? 183 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:17,009 Actually, sir, I preferred another movie last summer. 184 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:19,261 Another movie? Besides Oppenheimer? 185 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,346 That's right. 186 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,431 There was a second movie people were seeing? 187 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,725 Yes, there was. A global phenomenon. 188 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,519 Really? Global, you say? 189 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,897 And it finally gave me the courage to do this. 190 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,651 Hmm. Well, you seem to be bleeding from the head. 191 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,445 - It's dye. - Die on your own time. 192 00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,906 Now, regarding Oppenheimer, follow me. 193 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,330 Have you fellows heard of "Tickling the Dragon's Tail"? 194 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:47,915 Sounds like a DreamWorks film. 195 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,333 Well, it's not. 196 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:52,503 We carefully add small amounts of fissionable uranium, 197 00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:55,089 stopping just before critical mass. 198 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:58,259 We can create the most profitable atomic pile of all. 199 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:02,471 Oppenheimer tried it at Los Alamos, but he failed. Idiot. 200 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:05,725 That showboat slides his bony self into every picture. 201 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,852 Should've called him Photo-Oppenheimer. 202 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:11,272 My biopic will be longer, its star skinnier 203 00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:14,066 and global annihilation will not be hinted at, 204 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,277 but rather the heartwarming climax. 205 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,695 Excellent. 206 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,744 Of course, sir... ...if you exceed the critical mass, 207 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,788 it would lead to an uncontrolled nuclear explo-- 208 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,251 The plant's gonna blow! 209 00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:33,335 Alarmist. 210 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,756 My suit. It's too bulky. 211 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,179 Did you see that, Smithers? 212 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,015 That sweat-panted Superman rescued us all. 213 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:51,312 Well, I just put my sweatpants on one leg at a time like any fat guy. 214 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,522 Well, you saved my life. 215 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:57,777 So I'm giving you two tickets front-row seats to a baseball game. 216 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,487 Debt paid. Never talk to me again. 217 00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:02,823 Hmm. 218 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:05,910 I thought I'd enjoy this money, but I'm not happy. 219 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,495 Oh. 220 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,497 I sure don't envy you, lady. 221 00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:15,878 When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, add vodka and meet me down here. Oh. 222 00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,217 Reverend, what does our faith say 223 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,011 about spending money on something just for yourself? 224 00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,014 {\an8}Well, I sure don't know. 225 00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:28,098 {\an8}But for 20 bucks, 226 00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:31,560 {\an8}I'll wipe the communion cup before you drink from it. Eh? 227 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:42,613 Homer? After a lot of soul-searching, there's something I've got to tell you. 228 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,451 Are you at a baseball game? 229 00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,036 I am. It's so great! 230 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:51,705 We got to meet the players, play "Chopsticks" on the organ, 231 00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:55,209 and they hit a foul ball to you on purpose. 232 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:01,632 Are you there alone? 233 00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:03,551 Well, I asked Lenny, but he was busy. 234 00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,885 Carl was out sick. 235 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:08,681 Smitty was taking or teaching a Pilates class, I forget which. 236 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,975 So I finally asked that new guy from Ghana. 237 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,602 I have so many questions about your baseball. 238 00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,312 First, why? 239 00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,648 Homer, how come you didn't ask me? 240 00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:20,317 Uh, well... ...you don't like baseball. 241 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:24,238 Maybe. But more importantly, I like being asked. 242 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,949 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Uh, can I get you a jersey? 243 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,158 Uh, what's your size again? 244 00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:30,452 Medium! It's always been medium. 245 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:33,122 Um. That's something I should have known, right? 246 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:36,500 Buster, you should know whether or not you should've known it. 247 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,961 But thanks for clearing things up for me. 248 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,046 You're welcome. Do I get another kiss? 249 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,633 Oh-oh. You'll get a kiss all right. You're gonna get a big kiss. 250 00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,886 You just wait for that kiss. 251 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,179 If you come here, we can get it on the Kiss Cam. 252 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:53,601 {\an8}Dial tone? Hello? Marge? Marge? 253 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,728 {\an8}Hello? Dial tone? 254 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,354 {\an8}Now I have to kiss him? 255 00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:59,648 {\an8}Well, if it's all part of baseball. 256 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,527 Mmm. 257 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,073 I want the biggest ring I can buy. 258 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,950 Ooh. That's a coincidence. 259 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:13,787 I want you to have the biggest ring I can sell. 260 00:15:13,787 --> 00:15:15,414 Yes. 261 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,543 Now, the current rule of thumb is 262 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:23,339 a truly meaningful ring should cost three months' salary. 263 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,674 If I don't have a salary, is it free? 264 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:28,093 No. Nice try. 265 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:31,096 Now, if for some reason I wanna return this... 266 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,431 Ooh. No problem. 267 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,643 You have a full three seconds to change your mind. 268 00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,269 Starting now. 269 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,274 Uh, time's up. 270 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,656 Oh, my God. I didn't know I'd feel so guilty walking around 271 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,449 wearing something so expensive. 272 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,119 Calm down, Marge. Calm down. Nobody cares. 273 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:57,414 Marge, I was a couple of blocks away, and I couldn't help noticing you 274 00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,167 wearing something your husband couldn't possibly afford. 275 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,335 Tattletale. 276 00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:02,836 Casual Christian. 277 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,838 Remember. Sale's final. 278 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:10,719 Okay, okay. Can't return it. Might as well enjoy it. 279 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,682 A guilt rash. 280 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,225 The last time I got one of these 281 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:19,186 was when I took that bottle of shampoo from the hotel. 282 00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,772 It wasn't open. They could've reused it. 283 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,194 I'll just leave it there. 284 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,781 No, no, no. Someone will find it. 285 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,137 So this is what having a secret feels like. 286 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,513 It's terrible. 287 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,306 Why does everybody do it? 288 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,642 {\an8}Maybe I could hide it in here. 289 00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:02,104 Oh, how many places does Homer hide cookies? 290 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:06,775 Whoa. 291 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,534 No one can find it now. 292 00:17:15,534 --> 00:17:17,119 Who are you talking to, Mom? 293 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,121 What are you doing here? 294 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,665 {\an8}Oh, I like to look at my old report cards. 295 00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:26,754 {\an8}One teacher, if you could believe it, gave me an A-plus-plus. 296 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,630 {\an8}They're not allowed to do that anymore. 297 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,424 {\an8}It makes the other kids feel bad. 298 00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:33,510 {\an8}And that's why we're losing to China. 299 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,012 Yo. 300 00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,889 What are you doing in the attic? 301 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:40,184 Well, one thing I'm definitely not doing is hiding from the cops. 302 00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,853 {\an8}Eh, we'll never find him. Let's go, boys. 303 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,898 {\an8}No respect for the law. 304 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,399 {\an8}Let's get some doughnuts. 305 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,572 Get to bed, now. 306 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:57,242 Now what? 307 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:00,954 You're not judging me. 308 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,915 With you, I can enjoy it. 309 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,249 Don't swallow it. 310 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,544 What's the matter, Homer? 311 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:10,214 I'm starting to think I don't appreciate Marge enough. 312 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:13,383 She does everything for me, and I just take her for granted. 313 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,802 Let me tell you something, Homer. 314 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,096 You are so lucky that she doesn't leave you 315 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:20,307 for the next tall, dark and handsome guy that comes along. 316 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:22,017 Oh, Moe. 317 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:26,730 I love the way you introduced me to this guy! 318 00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:29,775 - Whoo-hoo. - Homer, I think your problem is... 319 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,119 ♪ She's a mad wife, Homer J. ♪ 320 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,830 ♪ With tears behind her smile ♪ 321 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:43,997 Uh, happy tears? 322 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:45,999 ♪ You treat her like she's nothing ♪ 323 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,669 ♪ Unless your gut needs stuffing ♪ 324 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,420 What the-- 325 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,756 ♪ As a husband I would rate you ♪ 326 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,259 ♪ Beneath Henry the Eighth, you ♪ 327 00:18:55,759 --> 00:19:02,766 ♪ Really are a selfish guy ♪ 328 00:19:06,353 --> 00:19:10,983 You really are, all things considered, a nearly spherical, full of beer-icle... 329 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:15,362 ♪ Incredibly selfish guy! ♪ 330 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:22,161 Ha ha! Before you I rode through dog poop. 331 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:26,582 I'll just have to live with my selfishness. 332 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,464 What is this? 333 00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,383 A fancy ring? 334 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,510 That Marge bought for herself? 335 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,221 She's been holding back on us this whole time. 336 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:44,099 Oh, my God! The things she does! 337 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:49,271 The things she does. 338 00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:55,944 The things she does. 339 00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:58,363 {\an8}Aw. 340 00:19:58,363 --> 00:20:00,908 The things she does. 341 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:04,536 All the wonderful things she does. 342 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:07,748 Putting those sweet notes in my lunch every day, 343 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,835 getting everyone a birthday present and saying they're from both of us. 344 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:15,172 {\an8}Even in her sleep, she's perfect. 345 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:18,967 With all the wonderful, beautiful things Marge does... 346 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:21,762 ...there's only one thing I can do with this ring. 347 00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:25,849 Homie, you're back. You-- 348 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:27,976 You put this on me? 349 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:31,313 Baby, I just wished I'd bought it for you. 350 00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,746 Finally. No guilt. 351 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:48,872 Breaking news: 352 00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:51,833 {\an8}Amnesty International has identified the Spiffany blue diamond 353 00:20:51,833 --> 00:20:55,295 {\an8}as the most unethically mined gem in human history. 354 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,839 {\an8}It takes six blue whales to color each carat. 355 00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:02,636 {\an8}Wearing this is a sparkly expression that you love misery. 356 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:05,639 {\an8}Well, I'll just wear the ring inside for a little. 357 00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:11,645 ♪ Homer's Leevi's size is husky ♪ 358 00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:17,359 ♪ But he's still too fat they say ♪ 359 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:18,360 Hey! 360 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,363 ♪ That's because he's a fat man ♪ 361 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:25,200 ♪ They're making pants too small These days ♪ 362 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,037 ♪ The pants are too small ♪ ♪ You are a fat man ♪ 363 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:29,997 ♪ Whoo ♪ 364 00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,081 Shh!