(theme music playing)
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(tires screeching)
D'oh! (screams)
(tires screeching)
Hmm?
Gentlemen, I'm pleased to report strong holiday sales
from the Christmas/Hanu/Kwanza spend phase,
and things look good for the mom/dad/grad gift corridor.
Uh, then we'll have the usual summer lull, but...
Hey, we're making enough money, right? (chuckles)
(indistinct cough)
Um, hey, hey, hey...
OK, people, we need to cook up a new holiday for the summer.
Something with gifts, cards, assorted gougeables.
How about something religious?
We had great penetration last spring with "Christmas Two."
Ooh, I know: "Spendover" like passover,
but less talk, more presents.
"Product day"?
"Giftsgiving"?
No, no, no! No, it's got to be warm and fuzzy.
Something like, um, "Love Day," but not so lame.
Happy Love Day, everyone!
LISA: Come on, Mom, the stores
just invented this holiday to make money.
Lisa, don't you ruin another Love Day.
For you, Homie.
(exclaims)
I'm Sir Loves-A-Lot, the bear who loves to love.
They didn't have Lord Huggington?
It's the same basic bear, Homie.
(sadly) I guess.
What the hell is this?
It's a kisses-make-me- boogie-o'-lantern.
Kiss it and make it boogie.
Kiss it.
Uh, maybe later.
(sniffs, slurps)
(dance music playing)
Oh! Oh, yeah!
Well, we better start our Love Day cleanup.
You kids take care of the wrapping paper.
I'll dismantle Love Land.
(romantic music playing)
Oh, what a terrible waste.
Yes, but the memories will last a lifetime.
Darn... crappy... stuff.
It's full, Dad. that means you have to take out the trash.
Yep, that's the rule.
He who tops it off drops it off.
Nuh-uh. It isn't filled until it's spilled.
(grunting)
I wuv you...
(grunts)
-I wuv... -(grunts)
-...wuv you. -(grunts)
(whistling)
(grunts)
(snickers)
Ooh.
Mm.
(chuckles)
D'oh!
MARGE: I heard that. You know the rule.
Oh... but I can rebuild.
(groaning)
Ow. Ow.
(muttering) Stupid trash, rotten, stinky, hate world, revenge soon,
take out on everyone...
(screams)
Garbage water!
(groans)
You're pushing me, baby!
Hey, wait! Stop!
I have garbage!
D'oh! You guys are the lousiest garbagemen ever!
Yeah, I'm talking to you!
You trash-eating stink bags!
(tires screech)
Uh-oh.
(beeping)
What did you call us?
I don't know. A lot of people were yelling stuff.
Yeah, you called us "trash-eating stink bags."
Didn't you learn anything from Love Day?
That was yesterday, moron.
Good news, everyone.
I got in a fight with the garbagemen
and they're cutting off our service.
Oh, lord! Now what are we going to do?
Just let the trash pile up?
Hey, I'd rather live in a dump
than in a world run by snooty garbagemen.
Dad, is this another one of those situations
that could be solved by a simple apology?
I never apologize, Lisa.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
(all chomping)
Sit down, honey.
The men will clear the table.
(grunts)
So long, chicken bone.
See you in hell, brussels sprouts.
No room for you, Jell-O.
Good-bye, fine china.
-(plate shatters) -Bart!
Easy, Ned.
Don't breathe in.
(groans)
Sorry, Ned. I didn't see you down there.
Got him.
Uh, listen, Homer,
uh, hate to be a fussy Freddy and all
but Maude's folks are here
and, uh, they're a tad touchy about odors.
Then you might want to close your windows
before the sun hits diaper hill.
Look, Daddy! I'm king of the mountain.
NED: Rod, get off of there!
Three, two, one.
Go, go, go!
Ah. The rats seem happy.
Homer, that crazy lady who lives in our trash pile attacked me again.
That's not how she tells it.
And the school nurse says Bart has the plague.
It's like the measles.
Good to get it out of the way.
Homer, this has gone far enough.
Will you please just apologize to the garbagemen?
Yeah, Dad, you're always telling me and Bart to apologize.
Yeah. But I'm always secretly disappointed when you do.
Anyway, I think those garbagemen are starting to crack.
I think you're starting to crack.
-Apologize for that remark! -No way.
Attaboy.
(yawning)
Good morning, trash pile.
How's my...? Hey.
(whoops) I won!
This is a very, very proud day for us, especially me.
Your father, me, beat city hall.
It's just like David and Goliath,
only this time David won.
(sighs)
LISA: I know. I heard it, too.
Here's some music.
(classical music playing)
And to think you wanted me to crawl, Marge.
Well, this man doesn't crawl.
He stands tall.
That rhymes, Marge, and you know it rhymes. admit it.
Oh, Homer, you didn't beat city hall.
They picked up our trash
because I wrote a letter of apology
to the sanitation commissioner
and signed your name, period.
Wha...? You signed my name?
I feel so violated.
You've signed my name lots of times.
But this isn't like a loan application or a will.
You signed away my dignity.
And I'm going to get it back.
Lisa, do I have my pants on?
-Yes. -Perfect.
Here's your apology back, Mr. Simpson,
And I'm sorry we couldn't work this out.
Don't come off all high-and-mighty with me, Patterson.
You can't scare me with your office
and your desk and your lamp.
I'm not trying to scare you.
I'm trying to get my work done.
Oh, oh, oh, I get it.
Put on a big show for the cameras.
What cameras? Why are you still here?
I came to fight city hall.
I want to shake things up, Patterson.
Stir up some controversy, rattle a few cages.
(mutters angrily)
Hey, stop that!
You'll never silence me.
I'm the last angry man, Patterson, a crusader for the little guy!
(twittering)
Leave the bird alone!
Never!
Look, Simpson, I've been elected by the voters of this city
16 years in a row, so they must think I'm doing a damn good job.
You want to know what I think?
No. Nobody wants to hear the nonsensical ravings of a loudmouth malcontent.
(gasps)
Well, we'll see about that.
(muttering)
Hey!
No cutting.
I want to register to run for sanitation commissioner.
And tell the fat cats upstairs
things are going to change in this town!
OK, but this is where you register as a sex offender.
Ah, geez, there's always a line.
Hey, everybody,vote for my dad,
Homer Simpson.
If you don't, he'll beat us.
Why, you little-- Uh...
No one's goingto beat you, son.
You're going to get such a beating.
Hey, vote Simpson.
Hi. Nice to see you.
Thanks for coming out.
Keep putting on weight, huh?
Lenny, my man.
So, Homer, if we vote for you, what are you going to do different?
What am I, the answer man? Just vote for me.
Hm. you know, I don't know Ray Patterson but... he's no Ray Patterson.
Homer's a great nuclear safety inspector,
but I don't know if I'd trust him with my garbage.
LENNY: That's a peace-of-mind issue, you know?
These old geezers just don't get it.
it's time to rock the vote!
(U2's "Pride" playing)
♪ One man come ♪
♪ In the name of love ♪
♪ One man come and go... ♪
Sit down! Sit down!
You're ruining it for everyone!
♪ One man to overthrow ♪
(Homer whistling)
♪ In the name of love... ♪
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, can I help you?
(in Irish accent) Potato man.
Where the hell have you been?
♪ In the name of love... ♪
(chuckling)
♪ In the name of love... ♪
OK, camera two...
Uh, excuse me.
This is a restricted area.
Take a hike, Kojak.
-(grunts) -(screams)
(crashing and clattering)
♪ One man he resist... ♪
Hello, Springfield.
It's me, Homer.
What the bloody hell?
Quiet, you!
I know you youngsters want to see these rocking rockers,
but I also know you careabout the race for sanitation commissioner.
So let me give you the 9-1-1.
(crowd booing)
-Boo! -Get off the stage!
Hold on, people!
The man's talking about waste management.
That affects the whole damn planet.
Oh, here we go.
What do we say we slip out to Moe's for a pint?
Can I come?
No.
Wankers.
(whistling)
Now, Homer, I hear Ray Patterson is a fine public servant.
Why should the people of Springfield--
(cheering and whistling)
(annoyed sigh)
Why should they vote for you?
That's a good question, Bono.
'Cause I'd be the most wack
tripped-out sanitation commissioner ever!
Can you dig it?
-(silence) -(crickets chirping)
Hmm. hmm.
(audience booing)
Wow, look at him go.
You're the real lord of the dance, Homer.
(muttering) Ow! Oh!
Bono, help me!
Don't worry, folks.
He'll get the help he needs.
♪ In the name of love ♪
♪ One more in the name of love ♪
HOMER: My campaign is a disaster, Moe.
I hate the public so much.
If only they'd elect me...
I'd make them pay!
Ah, Moe, how do I make them like me?
Uh, gee, you're kind of all over the place, there, Homer.
You need to focus here.
You gotta think hard and come up with a slogan
that appeals to all the lazy slobs out there.
(whining) Oh, no...
Can't someone else do it?
"Can't someone else do it?" That's perfect.
It is?
Yeah. Now get out there and spread that message to the people.
Woo-hoo!
Oh, hey, you didn't pay for the beer.
Can't someone else do it?
(laughing)
Very good.
(rifle cocking)
(clearing throat)
Seriously, give me the money.
Fellow citizens...
How would you rate the trash service in this town?
I would deem it excellent.
Uh... OK, it's excellent...
But aren't you tired of waking up early
and dragging the garbage to the curb?
-Oh, man, you got that right. -Yeah.
That's so annoying in the morning.
Aren't you tired of having to peel
that last snotty Kleenex
from the bottom of your wastebasket?
(nasally) I'll say.
Well, then...
"Can't someone else do it?"
-Yeah. -Yeah.
And can't someone else scoop out that nasty kitty litter?
Yeah! someone else!
Someone else! yeah!
Well, Ray Patterson thinks you should do it.
Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up.
Did we lose a war?
That's not America.
That's not even Mexico.
(crowd cheering)
Don't you deserve better than the best?
CROWD: yeah!
Who should handle all your dirty jobs?
Someone else, someone else, someone else!
HOMER: I'm sorry my opponent
didn't think enough of you to show up for this debate.
I'm sure he had more important things to do.
(crowd laughing)
(panting)
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
Somebody tampered with my brakes.
(gasping)
Well, then, you should have been early.
(laughing)
Hey, he got you there, Ray.
Oh, come on, people.
This man has promised round-the-clock trash pickup.
That's impossible.
Not if we hire more men,
and my men will do all your messy jobs.
They'll wash your car, scrub your shower,
air out your stinkables.
(cheering)
Good point!
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
Then you better turn up your hearing aid, pops.
Pops? I'm only two years older than you.
Do we want old man Patterson here with his finger on the button?
What button?
What the hell are you talking about?
What-what-what-what button?
Where am I?
Who took my false teeth?
(laughing)
(calmly) All right, fine.
If you want an experienced public servant, vote for me.
But if you want to believe a bunch of crazy promises
about garbagemen cleaning your gutters
and waxing your car,
then, by all means, vote for this sleazy lunatic.
(indistinct chattering)
Woo-hoo!
Aren't you going to buy it, Dad?
Fifty cents? Not likely.
(whistling)
Hey, Ray, cleaning out the old office, eh?
If I hadn't already packed my letter opener,
I'd give you such a stabbing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. whoa, Ray.
Are we going to let politics get in the way of our friendship?
Friendship?
You told people I lured children into my gingerbread house!
Yeah. That was just a lie.
Simpson, the American people
have never tolerated incompetence in their public officials.
You are going to crash and burn, my fat-headed friend.
See? We're still friends.
Come on, give us a cuddle.
Jean-Paul, how are the new uniforms?
Do they match the suede boots?
Beautiful.
Did you get the new trucks?
Are they amphibious?
Well, there's only one way to find out.
We can always buy more.
Wow, Dad, you're really working hard.
Yes, I got to work hard, honey.
Daddy made a lot of crazy promises.
I'm really proud of you, Homie.
But can the garbage man really do all the things you said?
Oh, the garbage man can, Marge.
The garbage man can.
(bouncy musical introduction)
♪ Who can take your trash out ♪
♪ Stomp it down for you ♪
♪ Shake the plastic bag ♪
♪ And do the twisty-thingy, too? ♪
♪ The garbage man ♪
♪ Oh, the garbage man can ♪
♪ The garbage man can ♪
♪ And he does itwith a smile ♪
♪ And never judges you ♪
(chuckles in embarrassment)
♪ Who can take this diaper? ♪
♪ I don't mind at all ♪
♪ Who can clean me up before the big policeman's ball? ♪
♪ The garbage man ♪
♪ Yes, the garbage man can ♪
♪ The sanitation folks are jolly, friendly blokes ♪
♪ Courteous and easygoing ♪
♪ They mop up when you're overflowing ♪
♪ And tell youwhen your arse is showing ♪
♪ Who can? ♪
♪ The garbage man can ♪
BART AND LISA: ♪ 'Cause he's Homer Simpson,man ♪
♪ He cleans the world for you ♪
(cheering)
(humming)
Simpson, you idiot!
You spent your entire year's budget in a month!
Your department's broke!
Ooh! Oh, no!
Wait. I think I've got the perfect solution.
You'd better, because those garbage men won't work for free.
D'oh!
Oh, Patterson was right!
I'm crashing and burning! Crashing and burning!
How could you spend $4.6 million in a month?
They let me sign checks with a stamp, Marge.
A stamp!
You know, Dad, there's a lesson in all this.
Many cities have problems with garbage disposal
and it's time we realized you can't just--
Wait! Shut up!
I just thought of something.
(tires screeching)
(whistling)
Morning, boys.
Where's our paychecks, you bum?
My men ain't working another minute till we get paid.
Will cash be OK?
Will it?
Did I hear a, uh, briefcase opening?
OK, before I show you
who wants to guess how I got the money?
-Dealing drugs? -Drugs?
I'll have to say drugs, too.
Close, but you're way off.
HOMER: Look at that beautiful garbage.
Other cities don't want it
so they pay me to dump it in this old abandoned mine.
That's awful!
I almost wish it were drugs.
Some of it is.
(clattering)
Good God, Homer!
You're turning our wonderful little town into America's trash hole.
Marge! Ixnay on the ash-hole-tray.
But, Dad, you can't cram garbage under Springfield forever.
Sure, I can, honey-kitten.
I don't know how you did it, Homer,
but you certainly solved that budget crisis.
(moist spurt)
What the hell is that?
Uh... Nothing.
Now, uh, you were saying how great I was?
(moist spurt)
(grunting)
What's this? Melon rinds, panty hose, a term paper from Texas Tech?
Simpson, do you know anything about--
Dear Lord,
please take Mr. Bunny up to heaven.
-(rumbling) -(all screaming)
Hey, Brandine,
I think I done busted my stink bone.
(rumbling continues)
(exclaims)
CROWD: Aye.
And all those opposed to horsewhipping Homer Simpson?
Nay?
And now, all in favor of reinstating Ray Patterson?
(cheering)
(playing Sanford and Son theme)
Oh!
Oh... (chuckling)
Oh, gosh!
You know, I'm not much on speeches
but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made.
You're screwed. Thank you. Bye.
(reprise of Sanford and Son theme)
He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
No, people, we are far from screwed.
(rumbling)
(gagging)
(people exclaiming in disgust)
The time for panic has come.
We must move forward and turn to the town's all-purpose contingency plan.
You mean plan B?
Yes. B.
(munching)
I can't believe it's come to this.
Come to what?
Moving the whole town five miles down the road.
It's crazy.
Yeah, it's something, all right.
So we transplant the town.
We're just going to trash the new Springfield, too.
Yeah, but what are you going to do?
If you need me, I'll be at Moe's.
(grunts)
-Hi, Moe. -MOE: Hey, Homer.
Do yourself a favor.
Don't turn around.
(flies buzzing)
(anguished wailing)
MAN: I told you not to turn around.
(theme music playing)
Look, guys, I got a Springfield spoon
for my spoon collection.
Oh, here we go.
How many spoons have you got now, Adam?
Nine. if I didn't have my spoons, I'd go insane.
Can I see it?
My spoon.
-Oh! -(spoon clangs)
Wankers.
-(murmuring) -Shh!
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services