1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,753 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,673 CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 3 00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:07,757 (tires screeching) 4 00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:10,552 D'oh! 5 00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:11,636 (screams) 6 00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:33,116 Ugh! Salisbury soup again? 7 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,701 My joe isn't sloppy enough. 8 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:36,995 And talk about weak coffee. 9 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,079 I'll take that. 10 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,833 What are they doing with our 45 cents? 11 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,334 (groans) 12 00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:45,336 I bought my lunch at the gas station. 13 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:48,298 It's the kind John Glenn eats when he's not in space. 14 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,134 (hissing) 15 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,762 Wow! Just like the commercial. 16 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:56,056 There's a brainteaser on the back. 17 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,768 "Professor Provolone's Picto-Puzzle!" 18 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,436 MARTIN: That's a tough one. 19 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,480 -Got it! -Is this it? 20 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,482 Excellent, Milhouse. 21 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,566 How 'bout this? 22 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:07,901 Nice work, Bart. 23 00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:09,027 How 'bout you, Lisa? 24 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,572 I'll get it in a second. Don't worry. 25 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,532 Oh! Of course. 26 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,159 It's-- (whispering) 27 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,662 Yeah! Champion of the world! 28 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,456 Answer this, Professor. 29 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,124 (grunting) 30 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,252 Hey! Some of us are still trying to solve it. 31 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,462 Just you. 32 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:30,924 Maybe I can't concentrate because of all your cooties! 33 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,677 It's called lice. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. 34 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,678 (scratching) 35 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,223 -(school bell rings) -(cheering) 36 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:43,269 LISA: OK, let's see. It's not Egyptian. 37 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,939 -It's not Prince's names. -(foot steps) 38 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,524 Uh-- 39 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,735 -Want a hint? -I don't need a hint, Ralph. 40 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,362 But you're suffering. 41 00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,119 (Lisa groans) 42 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:07,585 So, Lisa. Did you get that brainteaser yet? 43 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,879 For your information, none of your business. 44 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:13,091 You look tired. Are ya tired, Lisa? 45 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,094 (sighs) If you're suggesting I stayed up all night 46 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,763 trying to solve that childish puzzle, 47 00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:20,515 you're right. 48 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:24,811 -(clatter) -Ah. Now I can't remember my combination. 49 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,275 Look at my "aggie-culture" project. 50 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:31,943 It's a piece of a cow. 51 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,904 (gasps) The project. I forgot all about it. 52 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,116 Very nice, Janie. Good use of pipe cleaners, Becky. 53 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:39,659 (buzzing) 54 00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,537 Don't open it, Ralph. I'll just give you a C-minus. 55 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,788 Yay! 56 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:48,251 -Not finished, Lisa? -I'm finished. I just got to-- 57 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:50,587 (grunts) There. It's a pig! 58 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,589 It's an eraser with pushpins. 59 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,674 And a spring for his curly tail. 60 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,759 (laughs) Oink, oink, oink. 61 00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:00,513 This is terrible at best. I'm surprised at you, Lisa. 62 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,974 Me too. 63 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,106 Oh, it looks like somebody's "hogging Dazs" ice cream. 64 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,525 (laughs) I should write this down. 65 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,902 -More coming. -(door dings) 66 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:17,822 Um, I'm looking for something in an after-dinner burrito. 67 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,993 You'll have it in 45 seconds, sir. 68 00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,077 (beeping) 69 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:28,124 To pass the time, please enjoy this novelty pen. 70 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,792 Why would I want to look at a pen with a-- (gasps) 71 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:33,588 Oh, no! Her clothes are coming off! 72 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:36,841 (chuckles) Hey, you know who would love this? 73 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,009 Men. 74 00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:42,096 Five, four, three, two, one. 75 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,264 Liftoff! 76 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,725 (moans) 77 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,063 Look at this mess. Where is that elderly old man? 78 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,358 Old man! Old m-- 79 00:03:53,441 --> 00:03:54,609 (screams) 80 00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,156 Hey, look. A freezer man! 81 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,451 -Wait a minute. There is a note. -Oh. 82 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:08,081 "I have frozen myself so I may live to see the wonders of the future. 83 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:11,334 Thaw me out when robot wives are cheap and effective. 84 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,879 P.S. Please alter my pants as fashion dictates." 85 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,465 (saxophone playing) 86 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,634 (off-key) 87 00:04:21,302 --> 00:04:22,720 Now you're swinging, honey. 88 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:26,432 (scatting off-key) 89 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:32,939 Darn it! 90 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,695 Oh, no! No, no! 91 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,155 The George Raft look is dead. 92 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,032 I wanted Audie Murphy! 93 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,201 If you would just apologize to Louie, 94 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,078 you could get your hair cut the way you want. 95 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,914 No apology! Not until he admits he's a jerk! 96 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,793 Mom, I think something's wrong with me. 97 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,628 I can't do anything right lately. 98 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,965 You're just having a bad day. I had one last week. 99 00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,676 I burned the roast. My cake fell. 100 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,971 And I ran out of butter, so I had to spray the English muffins with PAM. 101 00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:07,432 Maybe you're just a lousy cook. Ow! 102 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,559 MARGE: I'll go get the Bactine. 103 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,394 It can't just be a bad day. 104 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,688 I feel like I'm getting dumber by the minute. 105 00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:15,356 Oh, ain't no big deal. 106 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,818 All Simpsons start to lose their smarts around your age. 107 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:21,529 -What are you talking about? -Well, I'll show ya. 108 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:22,947 Follow me. 109 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,994 Wow! Dad was a good speller? 110 00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:31,039 Oh, your dad used to be smart as a monkey. 111 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,416 Then his mind started getting lazy 112 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,418 and now he's dumb as a chimp. 113 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,712 -Grampa! -Hey, I am, too. 114 00:05:37,795 --> 00:05:41,883 Your brother's coming along nicely. Look at Bart's homework. 115 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,677 Back when he was your age, he was smart as a chimp. 116 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,347 (gasps) This is just two years ago! 117 00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:51,392 That's right. Then the Simpson genes kicked in. 118 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,899 This is crazy. Just because you and Dad and Bart went downill 119 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,151 doesn't mean it's gonna happen to me. 120 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,779 -Does it? -Sure! 121 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,741 But it doesn't mean you can't live a long and pointless life. 122 00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:09,744 (groans) 123 00:06:13,122 --> 00:06:14,791 Dear Log, can it be true? 124 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,294 Do all Simpsons go through a process of "dumbening"? 125 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,089 Wait. That's not how you spell "dumbening." 126 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:24,258 Wait. "Dumbening" isn't even a word! 127 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,260 Ugh. 128 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,972 (groans) I've got to find out more. 129 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,974 (voices shouting) 130 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,103 (grunting, laughing) 131 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,063 That makes 22 to 16. 132 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:40,066 Time is running out. 133 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:44,737 (Dr. Hibbert laughing) So you're worried about your genes, huh? 134 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,657 Well, does it hurt when you go like this? 135 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,075 -No. -Then will you turn 136 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,159 this projector on for me? 137 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,204 I think the film should answer all your questions. 138 00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:57,875 (introductory music plays) 139 00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,546 MCCLURE (narrating): Have you ever wondered why fat parents have fat children 140 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:05,007 or why Chinese parents have Chinese children? 141 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,468 It's no coincidence. It's because of 142 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,221 D.N.A. 143 00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:13,224 Hi. I'm Troy McClure. 144 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,852 -(alarm blares) -(men shouting) 145 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:24,277 You may remember me from such medical films as Alice Doesn't Live Anymore 146 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,029 and Mommy, What's Wrong with that Man's Face? 147 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:30,158 But, Mr. McClure, what is D.N.A.? 148 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:32,034 What the-- Oh, hi, Billy. 149 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,953 Let's find out together. 150 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:37,540 D.N.A. is God's recipe for making you. 151 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,625 (soundtrack music stuttering) 152 00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:45,089 You take a dash of Dad, a pinch of Mom... 153 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,508 then we bake for nine months, and-- 154 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:50,470 Mmm. That's good Billy. 155 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,973 Mr. McClure, what does D.N.A. stand for? 156 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,685 (stuttering) 157 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,772 That didn't answer anything. 158 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,567 -I need more information. -Would you like to see it again? 159 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,777 Isn't there any way I can change my D.N.A. 160 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,905 like sitting on the microwave? 161 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,824 Hmm. Not according to any movie I've ever seen. 162 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:15,161 I'm afraid you're stuck with your genes, Lisa. 163 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:16,162 (chuckling) 164 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,668 -(door dings) -Hi, frozen body. 165 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,425 -(thumps) -Hmm. He's got a lob... 166 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,511 but I don't hear a dob. 167 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,846 -(thumps) -Oh. Uh, there it is. 168 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,598 You're lucky he's still alive. 169 00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,100 This freezer is an attractive nuisance. 170 00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:41,395 Just look at all that ice cream. It's damn near irresistible. 171 00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,105 Well, we better leave him in there. 172 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,192 Moving him now could kill him and tire us out. 173 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,318 NELSON: Check it out! 174 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,946 -A freezer geezer. -Please, young customers, 175 00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:53,699 ignore the frozen gentleman, and return to your impulse buying. 176 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,577 Aw, but we wanna stare at the ice dude. 177 00:08:56,661 --> 00:09:00,623 -We'll give ya a buck. -No. This is a convenience store... 178 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,416 not a freak show. 179 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,502 $1.20? 180 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,923 -(carnival music playing) -Come one, come all. 181 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,133 See the amazing frozen man. 182 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:16,138 Also gaze at the Frito found in a bag of Doritos. 183 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,308 Marvel at the floor that just won't come clean! 184 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:23,187 (thinking) Dear Log, my worst fears have been confirmed. 185 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:27,358 I've hit my mental and creative peak at the tender age of eight. 186 00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:30,653 What will my life be like after I descend into mediocrity? 187 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,613 -(clank) -(laughing) 188 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:34,991 Oh. 189 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,327 -(clank) -(laughing) 190 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,663 (thinking) Well, Ralph seems happy enough. 191 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:45,084 Maybe I should just give up now and settle into a mindless, happy stupor. 192 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,128 ANNOUNCER 1 (on TV): We now return to 193 00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:51,132 When Buildings Collapse on Nonstop Fox. 194 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:52,967 -(building collapses) -(Homer and Bart laughing) 195 00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,093 (cheering) 196 00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:56,637 -(Bart and Homer whooping) -(groans) 197 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,231 Hey, Lise, wanna join us? 198 00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:09,483 Room for one more. 199 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,489 We're watching the TV. 200 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,909 NARRATOR (on TV): Man has always loved his buildings. 201 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:22,496 But what happens when the buildings say, "No more"? 202 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,207 (triumphant music plays) 203 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,461 HOMER: Yes! (laughs) 204 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,589 -(both laughing) -HOMER: Oh! Ooh! 205 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:35,593 Yeah! (laughing) 206 00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:37,428 (cheering) 207 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,097 HOMER: I didn't think it was gonna fall over. 208 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,351 -Yeah! -Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! 209 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,102 (show ends) 210 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,813 The best part was when the buildings fell down. 211 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,484 Yeah. Ha. Maybe people got hurt. 212 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,070 Hey, yeah. (chortling) 213 00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:57,239 ANNOUNCER 2 (on TV): And now, a Channel 6 editorial reply. 214 00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:58,866 (singsong) Boring! 215 00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:03,329 ANNOUNCER 3 (on TV): And now, When Surgery Goes Wrong. 216 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,707 All right. Sounds good. 217 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,504 (carnival music playing) 218 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,590 -Behold the can of mystery! -(crowd murmurs) 219 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,802 The label vanished many years ago. 220 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,930 What strange wonders lie inside? 221 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:23,349 Treasure, dog food? 222 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:27,269 Whoa! Some things man is not meant to know. 223 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,318 ROD AND TODD (reading): "Show me your"-- 224 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,945 -Hey! -Hey! 225 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:39,115 It says, "Show me your tie." It's cute. Come on. Let's go. 226 00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:43,536 Me and Frostillicus go back a long way. 227 00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:46,622 I used to share a bathroom with Frostillicus. 228 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:51,210 In fact, I got a real funny story about that. 229 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:54,463 Actually, it's not so much funny as it is long. 230 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,549 It seems that there was this... 231 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,009 Whoo! What a gold mine! 232 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,390 (gasps) Oh, my goodness! 233 00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,604 (whistling) 234 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:14,233 Boy, seeing that stomach surgery made me hungry. 235 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,903 Marge, we need 5,000 c.c.'s of snacks, stat! 236 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,948 No snacks. Dinner will be ready in three minutes. 237 00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:22,575 (all three groaning) 238 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:26,412 If she started dinner three minutes earlier, we wouldn't be in this mess. 239 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:28,080 BART: Relax, Lise. 240 00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:30,958 Dad and I always have a plan "B." 241 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,337 (gulping, chewing) 242 00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,589 Pretty neat, huh? 243 00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:40,176 But those candy bars are all squished and melted. 244 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,969 -Wha-- -Wha-- 245 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:49,602 (muffled) Come on, Lisa. Join your family. 246 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:51,562 (whimpering) 247 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,072 -(kids crying) -Quit it! 248 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,824 -Quit it. -(dog barking) 249 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,993 (in Southern accent) Quit-- You kids knock it off. 250 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,953 Mama's watching her stories. 251 00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,455 (fly buzzing) 252 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,250 Hi, honey. It's me, your husband, Ralph. 253 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,253 Hey, angel pie. Can you drive me down to the libarry? 254 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,547 I wanna rent us up some movies. 255 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,884 (groaning) 256 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:25,638 Wesley, get mama's pryirng bar. 257 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:28,432 Easy does it now. Easy. Little more. 258 00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,643 Yeah... right... that's the spot. 259 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,479 -(grunts) -I'll get your coat. 260 00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,523 -(normal accent) No! -No what? 261 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:39,193 -I don't wanna turn out that way. -What way, angel pie? 262 00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,528 Like you! 263 00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:51,413 Lisa, come on. 264 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,500 Your tomato soup is getting a skin on top. 265 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,794 Fine. She doesn't get her skin. 266 00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:58,921 Lisa insulted us, Mom. 267 00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,840 She thinks she is so great. 268 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,925 I'll dance on her grave. 269 00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,970 -Bart! -What? Oh, napkin. Right. 270 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:09,807 (thinking) Dear Log, it won't be long now before my mind melts 271 00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,309 into a soft, Simpsony sludge. 272 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,104 Soon, the arts and literature I love will be replaced 273 00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:18,023 by talk radio and vulgar mud flaps. 274 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:21,402 It's time to give my brain its last meal. 275 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,952 Oh, Kenny. Look at the interplay of light and shadow. 276 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,371 It's so luminous and vibrant! 277 00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:35,499 (laughs) Thanks, Lisa. I painted that one. 278 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,376 (lowers voice) The real one's in my garage. 279 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,588 (violin plays) 280 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:48,846 Hmm. Sounds like she's hitting a baby with a cat. 281 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,974 You have to listen to the notes she's not playing. 282 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,476 (scoffs) I can do that at home. 283 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,186 (door dings) 284 00:14:56,270 --> 00:15:01,150 Son, I represent a group of oil tycoons who make foolish purchases. 285 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,944 We already bought us a stained glass bathrobe 286 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:06,447 and the world's fattest racehorse. 287 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:08,908 Now we need your Ice Man. 288 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:10,743 Oh, no. I could never sell him. 289 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,745 He's like a frozen father to me. 290 00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:16,498 -How much for just the head? -(cracking) 291 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,293 (Jasper moans) 292 00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:24,423 By gum, it worked. I've awakened in the future. 293 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,551 "Moon Pie." 294 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:30,679 What a time to be alive. 295 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,515 Hey, who unplugged my freezer? 296 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:37,603 Return to your state of living death at once, sir. 297 00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,104 Is that you, Apu? 298 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:43,651 Whoa! Time has ravaged your once-youthful looks. 299 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:48,238 -(door dings) -(grunts) 300 00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:52,076 Ah, well, Sanjay. That is the end of our freak show. 301 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:55,245 We must relinquish the giddy glamour of show business 302 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:59,124 and return to the humble pleasures of the neighborhood shopkeeper. 303 00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,085 -Hmm. -Hmm. 304 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,921 ♪ That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it ♪ 305 00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,048 Time traveler discount? 306 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,675 Come on in! 307 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:15,265 -Great set. -Oh, thanks. 308 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:16,892 But the crowd kept looking at me like 309 00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,019 I was using too many augmented ninths. 310 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,522 Aw, they just came for the buffalo wings. 311 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,440 But you really got through to me. 312 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,819 Oh, good. I figure if you've got something special to say, 313 00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:28,779 you have to share it with the world. 314 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:32,741 Yeah. While you still can. Thanks. 315 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,034 (running footsteps) 316 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,120 Damn. That felt like a sale. 317 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:42,626 I'm sorry, little girl. We don't just put people on TV. 318 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,045 Unless, of course, they're replying to an editorial. 319 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:49,341 Uh, I am! I'm strongly opposed to... 320 00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,761 Proposition, uh, 305! 321 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,931 You're against discount bus fares for war widows? 322 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,560 -Uh, you bet I am. -OK. Makeup. 323 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:03,272 I'm getting worried about Lisa. She's been gone for hours. 324 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:06,817 If I were her, I'd be buying me a great big chocolate apology cake. 325 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,945 Authorities believe the wave of towel snappings will get worse 326 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,822 before it gets better. 327 00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:16,076 And now, with an editorial reply, here's a small girl. 328 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,287 Hello. My name is Lisa Simpson. 329 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,329 (gasps) 330 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,416 I'm supposed to talk to you about Proposition 305. 331 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:23,709 Mooching war widows. 332 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,961 But I have something more important to say. 333 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,423 For reasons beyond my control, I will soon become 334 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,800 vapid, sluggish and slow-witted. 335 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:32,926 So before that happens, 336 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:36,055 I want to share some things with you that have meant a lot to me. 337 00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,058 What is she doir out there? I'll cut off her mike. 338 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,603 No, no, no. Let her speak. I'm trying to get fired. 339 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:46,023 And please don't deprive yourself of wonderful books like 340 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:50,152 To Kill a Mockingbird, Harriet the Spy and Yertle the Turtle, 341 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,489 possibly the best book ever written on the subject of turtle stacking. 342 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,074 She's got that right. 343 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,702 Beauty is all around us, and not just in pageants and parlors. 344 00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,913 You can find it in the swirl of galaxies 345 00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:03,540 or the swirl in the center of a sunflower. 346 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,502 That's a good idea. Let's go out for some frosty swirls. 347 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,254 Homer, your daughter is pouring her heart out. 348 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:12,216 -We'll tape it. -Why's she saying all this? Is she dying? 349 00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:16,303 Oh, she's just upset 'cause I told her her brains turning to mush. 350 00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,764 You know, on account of the Simpson gene. 351 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:22,142 Simpson gene? That's just foolishness! 352 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:24,770 No. Baldness, too. 353 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:29,024 So please, I beg you, don't take your brain for granted. 354 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,902 It's the best friend you'll ever have. 355 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:36,657 (clears throat) Little girl... likes her brain. 356 00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,408 What's your opinion? 357 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,537 (scoffs) Simpson gene. 358 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,997 Somebody's gotta set that girl straight 359 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:45,958 and I know how to do it. 360 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,128 Marge, get me your address book, 361 00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:51,797 four beers and my conversation hat. 362 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:58,887 -(snoring) -Lisa. Lisa, honey, wake up. 363 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,348 (yawns) Why bother? 364 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:04,309 Because your father has a big surprise for you. 365 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,436 -I'm adopted? -Better. Come look. 366 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:10,774 Lisa, it's me, Daddy. Your father. 367 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:14,069 I rounded up every Simpson in the tri-city area 368 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:18,240 so I can prove to you there's nothing wrong with the Simpson genes. 369 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,325 This is your great-uncle Chet. 370 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,202 Go ahead, Chet. Tell her what you do. 371 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:25,330 I run an unsuccessful shrimp company. 372 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:28,625 Oh. But... you run it, right? 373 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,919 -Oh, yeah. -OK. 374 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,672 Uh, this is your second-cousin Stanley. 375 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:36,175 Um, I shoot birds at the airport. 376 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:39,303 Everybody hates birds, right? 377 00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:43,307 (whimpers) Well, you look pretty successful. 378 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:45,976 Thanks. I play a millionaire at parties. 379 00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:48,937 At least I'd like to. 380 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:51,773 You probably should have researched this first, eh, Dad? 381 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,568 What about you? 382 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,779 Well, sir, I step in front of cars and sue the drivers. 383 00:19:58,238 --> 00:19:59,573 I beg celebrities for money. 384 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:02,534 -I'm a prison snitch. -Jug band manager. 385 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,329 -My legs hurt. -(groans) 386 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:10,292 Oh, Lisa's right. We're nothing but a big bunch of losers. 387 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,544 Show's over, folks. Go home! 388 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,171 What about our five bucks? 389 00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:16,131 You get it after you leave. Now get outta here. 390 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,091 (voices mumbling) 391 00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,844 Wait a minute, Homer. You didn't ask everybody. 392 00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:21,887 What about the women? 393 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,347 Fine, fine. 394 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,059 What do you do, "Dr. Simpson"? 395 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,353 -Doctor? -That's right. 396 00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:32,648 I'm Chief of Complicated Surgery at the InvasiCare Clinic. 397 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:34,608 That means you went to college, right? 398 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:37,444 You have to if you want to be an architect. 399 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:39,238 Or an environmental lawyer. 400 00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,491 Or Regional Sales Coordinator for the third largest distributor... 401 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,409 of bunk and trundle beds. 402 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,162 Oh! Did you hear that, Lisa? 403 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:50,958 So all the Simpson women turn out OK. 404 00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,167 That's right, sweetie. 405 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,878 The defective Simpson gene is on the "Y" chromosome, 406 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,546 so only men are affected. 407 00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:59,007 (both growling) 408 00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:01,927 -Yeah! -Yeah! 409 00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:04,304 So I'm not doomed! 410 00:21:06,014 --> 00:21:09,351 Oh, Dad, I've never been happier to be your daughter! 411 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:12,187 Oh, thanks, honey. Remember... 412 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:16,233 there's nothing that says you can't be a Simpson and a success. 413 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,442 Unless you're a man. 414 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:20,904 So wait a minute. This means I'm gonna be a failure? 415 00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:25,242 Yes, son. A spectacular failure. 416 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:27,244 (grunts) 417 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:31,456 (Lisa thinking) Dearest Log, I am me again! 418 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,002 And I feel like there's nothing I can't do. 419 00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:39,339 Except this stupid braintea-- 420 00:21:39,423 --> 00:21:40,465 (gasps) 421 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:47,222 I got it! Whoo-hoo! 422 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:50,100 I mean, splendid. 423 00:21:59,026 --> 00:22:00,652 (theme music playing) 424 00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:40,650 -(murmuring) -Shh! 425 00:22:44,112 --> 00:22:46,114 Captioned by Visual Data Media Services