1
00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:01,291
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:01,417 --> 00:00:02,375
(meows)
3
00:00:02,458 --> 00:00:05,375
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
4
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:09,625
(whimpering)
5
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(barking quietly)
6
00:00:10,959 --> 00:00:12,291
♪ ♪
7
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(yaps)
8
00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:16,792
(sniffing)
9
00:00:18,709 --> 00:00:20,583
(excited gibberish)
10
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:23,542
(sniffing)
11
00:00:23,834 --> 00:00:25,166
(chomps)
12
00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:27,750
(whimpering)
13
00:00:28,458 --> 00:00:29,625
(yaps)
14
00:00:31,917 --> 00:00:33,917
Who wants popcorn...
15
00:00:34,166 --> 00:00:35,041
-Yay!
-Yay!
16
00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:37,583
...to string and put on
the Christmas tree?
17
00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:38,959
-Oh.
-Aw, damn it.
18
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:42,041
(both groan)
19
00:00:43,375 --> 00:00:46,125
Mom, I made an ornament at Sunday school.
20
00:00:46,208 --> 00:00:48,875
Oh, it's so...
21
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,375
sticky.
22
00:00:50,458 --> 00:00:53,041
The Popsicle juice
represents Jesus' blood.
23
00:00:53,125 --> 00:00:56,792
That would look so pretty
on the back of the tree.
24
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,709
(electrical crackling)
25
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,375
(Krusty ornament) Do not put on tree.
26
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:02,041
May occasionally do this--
27
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,250
Beep! Beep!
28
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:05,375
Beep!
29
00:01:05,458 --> 00:01:08,166
Ooh, look, an old Santa hat.
30
00:01:08,333 --> 00:01:10,542
You know who would love to wear this?
31
00:01:10,709 --> 00:01:11,583
No one.
32
00:01:11,709 --> 00:01:13,125
The dog.
33
00:01:13,583 --> 00:01:14,458
(barks, whines)
34
00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,250
Quick.
Lisa, take a picture.
35
00:01:16,333 --> 00:01:18,792
I don't think he wants to take a picture.
36
00:01:18,875 --> 00:01:20,792
(grunts)
Dogs... love...
37
00:01:20,875 --> 00:01:23,875
-people clothes.
-(whines)
38
00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:27,041
(both speaking gibberish)
39
00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:29,166
(excited gibberish)
40
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:30,875
Did you get a good picture?
41
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,000
I don't think so.
42
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:34,166
(repeats excited gibberish)
43
00:01:34,917 --> 00:01:35,792
(sniffs)
44
00:01:36,333 --> 00:01:37,375
(intense music playing)
45
00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:41,583
(barking)
46
00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,834
(gasps)
He's afraid of it.
47
00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:45,500
No, he's not.
48
00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:48,458
(growls, barks)
49
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:51,834
(camera clicking)
50
00:01:51,917 --> 00:01:54,792
Darn, we wasted three digital photos.
51
00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:56,458
(whining)
52
00:01:56,542 --> 00:01:59,041
Ugh.
Well, suit yourself, spoilsport.
53
00:01:59,166 --> 00:02:00,291
You're out of the card.
54
00:02:00,750 --> 00:02:02,500
Don't worry, he's not out of the card.
55
00:02:02,667 --> 00:02:05,166
-Can we be out of the card?
-Everyone's in the card.
56
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,333
Okay, but not like last year.
57
00:02:07,417 --> 00:02:08,667
BART: ¡Ay, caramba.
58
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,917
♪ Ah, jingle bell, jingle bell ♪
59
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:12,500
♪ Jingle bell rock, oh ♪
60
00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:15,166
♪ Jingle bell rock and jingle bell rock ♪
61
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:17,041
♪ A-rockin' and rockin' ♪
62
00:02:17,125 --> 00:02:19,000
♪ And words of the song ♪
63
00:02:19,417 --> 00:02:23,750
♪ Looks like I parked on the lawn
Oh, giddyap, giddyap ♪
64
00:02:23,834 --> 00:02:25,583
♪ Giddyap, let's go ♪
65
00:02:25,875 --> 00:02:28,208
♪ There's mistletoe ♪
66
00:02:28,667 --> 00:02:30,417
♪ There's kissin' to do ♪
67
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:33,000
♪ And lots to kiss ♪
68
00:02:33,542 --> 00:02:34,542
(giggles)
69
00:02:34,625 --> 00:02:38,041
Marge, you're never gonna
guess what I got you.
70
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:39,750
D'oh. Oh!
71
00:02:40,792 --> 00:02:41,667
(mutters)
72
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:42,834
Oh!
73
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,834
It ate my shorts!
74
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:47,959
Oh, now that it's happened,
it's not so funny.
75
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:50,959
Homie, we have to talk
about the difference
76
00:02:51,041 --> 00:02:54,709
between gifts and household supplies.
Hmm?
77
00:02:54,834 --> 00:02:55,709
Uh-oh.
78
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:58,458
LISA (gasps): Oh, my God!
79
00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,208
What's all the fu...
(screams)
80
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:01,542
(gasps)
What the...
81
00:03:01,750 --> 00:03:04,208
That dog better have a good explanation.
82
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:06,166
Um... I did it.
83
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:07,500
Hit me with the newspaper.
84
00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:09,375
You know I get my news online.
85
00:03:09,458 --> 00:03:10,542
Guys...
86
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:13,458
what is Santa's Little Helper doing?
87
00:03:13,542 --> 00:03:16,417
I think something is very wrong with him.
88
00:03:16,709 --> 00:03:19,834
I think maybe we should take him
to a dog psychologist.
89
00:03:19,917 --> 00:03:22,583
Dog psychologist, eh?
90
00:03:22,917 --> 00:03:24,417
-Get off the couch. Get off.
-(whimpers)
91
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:25,625
Get off!
92
00:03:25,834 --> 00:03:26,959
(howls)
93
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:30,041
Dad, I know what you're thinking.
It's not that.
94
00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:34,250
Elaine Wolff is giving
a free lecture tomorrow night.
95
00:03:34,333 --> 00:03:35,834
She's a legend.
96
00:03:36,166 --> 00:03:40,667
Oh, not tomorrow.
Tomorrow's UFC fight 243.
97
00:03:40,750 --> 00:03:43,667
Why do you care so much
about one stupid fight?
98
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,333
'Cause he paid 60 bucks to watch it.
99
00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:48,083
(gasps)
60 bucks to watch a fight?
100
00:03:48,458 --> 00:03:50,834
Actually, 70. I got it in HD.
101
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:53,041
We don't even have an HDTV.
102
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,625
I wanted the pay-per-view operator
to think I was a big shot.
103
00:03:58,125 --> 00:03:59,041
(cries softly)
104
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:01,500
LISA: He's staring at that smudge...
105
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,291
(echoing): ...smudge... smudge.
106
00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:05,542
What's wrong with that dog...
107
00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,458
(echoing):
...dog... dog?
108
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,291
GRAMPA: I need my pill... pill... pill!
109
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,250
That's three pills.
110
00:04:12,458 --> 00:04:16,834
♪ ♪
111
00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:18,166
(barks)
112
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:19,125
(whining)
113
00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:21,625
(music plays on tablet)
114
00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:22,667
(chuckles)
115
00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:24,583
I love playing Candy Crush.
116
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:26,458
(grunting)
117
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,750
Dad, I need to tell you something,
118
00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,834
but I've come to the sad conclusion
119
00:04:30,917 --> 00:04:33,542
that you have difficulty
hearing the female voice.
120
00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:36,125
Aw, I love you, too, honey.
121
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,417
(low grunt)
122
00:04:37,583 --> 00:04:41,333
Therefore, I have deputized Bart
to speak for me.
123
00:04:41,709 --> 00:04:42,542
How you doin'?
124
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:46,250
"Father, I believe
you're an honorable man."
125
00:04:46,417 --> 00:04:47,750
(sputters)
Really?
126
00:04:48,166 --> 00:04:49,583
(chuckles)
Okay.
127
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:52,583
"In times of peril, you, um...
128
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,417
even... event..."
129
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,458
(whispers) Eventually.
130
00:04:55,583 --> 00:04:57,917
"...eventually do the right thing,
131
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,417
but Santa's Little Helper is in crisis,
132
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,166
and eventually may be too late."
133
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:05,291
Aw. Well said, boy.
134
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:08,667
And, Lisa, for writing it,
you win my highest honor,
135
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,500
a hearty Homer hug. Mm.
136
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,125
Aw...
137
00:05:13,208 --> 00:05:14,917
Now we party.
138
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:17,458
-(snorting)
-Ew.
139
00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:19,625
Why do you eat candy that way?
140
00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,750
-I already brushed my teeth.
-Oh.
141
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,083
(tire screeching)
142
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:29,500
(microphone feedback)
143
00:05:29,625 --> 00:05:31,166
(clears throat) Good evening.
144
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:35,625
"The more I spend time
with dogs, the more I realize
145
00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:38,291
that I entirely prefer them to people."
146
00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:39,500
(laughter)
147
00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:41,000
No, no, I'm serious.
148
00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:43,000
I really despise you.
149
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:44,500
-(gasps)
-Despise us? I...
150
00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:46,291
Hey, as the owner of a dog,
151
00:05:46,375 --> 00:05:49,542
a tiger and a dolphin,
I am highly offended.
152
00:05:49,625 --> 00:05:50,500
Highly.
153
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:51,959
Okay, first of all,
154
00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:54,959
I hate that you call yourselves "owners."
155
00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:57,583
You own living beings?
156
00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,000
(scoffs)
Nice.
157
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:00,417
(groans softly)
158
00:06:00,542 --> 00:06:01,875
(phone rings)
159
00:06:02,875 --> 00:06:04,166
(quietly) Uh, hello?
160
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,959
Clayton, I can't talk right now.
161
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:08,458
I've left her.
162
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,375
I have left my wife.
163
00:06:10,458 --> 00:06:11,792
What? Really?
164
00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:15,375
You and I have loved each
other since primary school.
165
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:19,291
She knew that,
so I think she was relieved.
166
00:06:19,375 --> 00:06:20,959
Oh, Clay.
167
00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:22,917
I'd stopped allowing myself to hope.
168
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:26,542
But, uh...
I think I got to call you right back.
169
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:28,250
No, no! Stay on the call.
170
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:29,625
We're invested.
171
00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:32,041
I have to go.
I'm giving a lecture.
172
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,333
Wait! Wait!
173
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,041
We're getting married, right?
174
00:06:35,125 --> 00:06:36,792
Yeah, sure, sure, yeah, whatever.
175
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:37,750
Wait.
176
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:38,959
Oh. Yes.
177
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,667
You don't deserve dogs!
178
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:43,959
They sniff out your diseases
179
00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:45,875
and comfort you when you ride planes.
180
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:47,792
-And I constantly hear...
-(cheering)
181
00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:50,709
"How do I get my dog to listen?"
182
00:06:50,792 --> 00:06:53,375
-Choke him till he taps out!
-Oh, good God.
183
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,834
Always what can your dog do for you.
184
00:06:55,917 --> 00:06:58,125
Never once has somebody asked,
185
00:06:58,291 --> 00:07:02,583
"What is my dog trying to say?"
186
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,875
Bad! Bad!
187
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:06,667
All of you, bad.
188
00:07:06,750 --> 00:07:09,917
This was the worst extension class
I ever took. My God.
189
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,917
It was even worse than flower arranging.
190
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,500
I mean, who can say
where baby's breath should go?
191
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,375
Huh. Not I.
Tell you that much.
192
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:18,083
Uh, ma'am...
193
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:19,333
-Down.
-(whimpers)
194
00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:21,083
It's okay. We're friendly.
195
00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,750
Ma'am, I know you were once
196
00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:26,542
a young, inquisitive girl like me.
197
00:07:26,625 --> 00:07:29,625
Mm, not like you, no.
I knew when to keep quiet.
198
00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:33,000
Uh, please.
My dog is having a breakdown.
199
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:36,041
So if these tears mean nothing to you...
200
00:07:36,125 --> 00:07:37,125
(sobbing)
201
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:39,792
...help our dog, or let's do this.
202
00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:42,458
Hold my pearls.
203
00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:45,583
Look, I'm sorry, I just can't d...
204
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:47,625
(gasps):
Oh, my.
205
00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:49,875
(whines, pants)
206
00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:53,625
You poor boy.
You've got a story to tell.
207
00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:57,458
(speaking gibberish)
208
00:07:57,542 --> 00:07:59,959
Could you teach us to do what you do?
209
00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:02,041
To see the world through his eyes?
210
00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:05,750
Oh, not through his eyes.
That's the point.
211
00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:08,625
A dog's dominant sense is smell.
212
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:11,834
(sniffs)
He sees the world with his nose,
213
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,583
and his nose sees
so much more than our eyes.
214
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:18,834
For instance, we see a lamppost.
215
00:08:18,917 --> 00:08:23,583
Your dog sees everyone
who's ever been here.
216
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:27,291
♪ ♪
217
00:08:33,959 --> 00:08:37,041
(excited gibberish)
218
00:08:39,667 --> 00:08:41,125
(groans)
219
00:08:42,166 --> 00:08:45,125
Mm.
He really likes you.
220
00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:47,333
He adores me.
Knows I can help him.
221
00:08:47,417 --> 00:08:49,917
Wants me to love him back.
But I can't.
222
00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:52,834
A woman can only scoop so much poop.
223
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:55,667
Stay.
224
00:08:56,083 --> 00:08:56,959
Good stay.
225
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,375
♪ ♪
226
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:04,250
Mm...
227
00:09:07,166 --> 00:09:09,041
Come on, get to the part that helps us.
228
00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:11,500
I'm trying.
In the acknowledgements,
229
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,291
she thanks all 101 dalmatians.
230
00:09:14,375 --> 00:09:16,709
Well, at least I can wash this filthy hat.
231
00:09:16,792 --> 00:09:17,625
(growls)
232
00:09:17,792 --> 00:09:19,500
-Ow!
-(Homer shrieks)
233
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:20,917
(stammering)
234
00:09:21,041 --> 00:09:23,250
-Bad dog! Very bad dog!
-(whines)
235
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,500
Crap dog!
236
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:27,083
(whining)
237
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,583
Lisa, quick!
Get the first aid kit!
238
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:31,583
But we don't have a first aid kit.
239
00:09:31,667 --> 00:09:33,834
Look under the tree.
240
00:09:33,917 --> 00:09:35,250
Oh...
241
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:40,417
(whines)
242
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,667
Well, if he's staying outside,
I'm staying outside.
243
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,333
You are not staying outside.
244
00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:46,792
You are not the boss here.
245
00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:50,291
Well, I am, and he paid me
to tell you what to do.
246
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,333
This boy is sleeping outside.
247
00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:53,333
Yes, sir.
248
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:56,500
(Marge sighs)
249
00:09:56,583 --> 00:09:57,834
What are we going to do?
250
00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:59,792
Aw, no problem, sweetie.
251
00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:02,333
There are a lot of dog doctors out there.
252
00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:05,709
(humming a tune)
253
00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:13,166
Hey. Hello.
Oh, look at this handsome guy.
254
00:10:13,291 --> 00:10:14,291
What's up with you, fella?
255
00:10:14,375 --> 00:10:16,375
Um, he bit my mom.
256
00:10:16,709 --> 00:10:18,583
Oh, I see.
Well, we've had a cancellation,
257
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,750
so if you like,
we can just put him down right now.
258
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:21,667
-What?
-No!
259
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:24,125
I-- I don't think that's necessary.
260
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,291
Oh, no, I'm afraid once a biter,
always a biter.
261
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,250
Unless you, like, train 'em or something,
262
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,125
but that's... that's crazy hard.
263
00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,083
Would you like a minute to say goodbye?
264
00:10:32,166 --> 00:10:34,000
No way!
We're leaving.
265
00:10:34,125 --> 00:10:36,542
And I don't even want to look at you.
266
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,875
Hmm.
I feel like the Pixar logo.
267
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:40,083
-(clattering)
-D'oh!
268
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:42,500
What are we going to do with the dog?
269
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,625
I guess he's just gonna
have to stay in the doghouse
270
00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:46,208
I built for him.
271
00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:49,166
-D'oh!
-(doorbell rings)
272
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:53,375
Heya, kids.
The vet reported your dog as a biter,
273
00:10:53,458 --> 00:10:56,625
so I'm supposed to wait
until animal control gets here
274
00:10:56,709 --> 00:10:57,750
to take him away.
275
00:10:57,834 --> 00:10:58,917
-(gasps)
-What?
276
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,291
So, uh, well, while we wait,
277
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,500
uh, you want to play Simon Says?
278
00:11:03,667 --> 00:11:05,250
Simon says don't kill our dog.
279
00:11:05,333 --> 00:11:06,875
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm Simon.
280
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,166
(laughs):
You're-- you're not Simon.
281
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,709
Oh! Dad!
They're coming for our dog!
282
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:15,875
I won't let you, you...
you big blue balloon.
283
00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:19,458
Ooh, I like the image.
Hey, imagine me in a parade, huh?
284
00:11:19,625 --> 00:11:21,041
Oh, boy.
285
00:11:21,417 --> 00:11:23,250
(parade music playing and air blowing out)
286
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:25,417
Oh, darn it.
287
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:29,583
You call them and tell them
we are not letting you take our dog.
288
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:32,041
I can't cancel.
They're already on the app.
289
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,041
It says they're six minutes away.
See?
290
00:11:34,959 --> 00:11:35,959
Mm-hmm.
291
00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:37,709
Oh, they missed the turn.
292
00:11:37,792 --> 00:11:38,959
Oh, now they're doing a U-ey.
293
00:11:39,041 --> 00:11:42,458
Geez, hope this guy euthanizes
better than he drives.
294
00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:44,625
Dad, quick, take our dog
295
00:11:44,750 --> 00:11:46,417
and drive as far and fast as you can.
296
00:11:46,542 --> 00:11:47,917
-(whispers): Yes, sir.
-(knocking)
297
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,625
-(all gasp)
-Oh, God, it's too late.
298
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:52,917
Dr. Wolff?
299
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,750
Look, I need to tell you this one thing.
300
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:56,917
Something I saw in your dog's eyes.
301
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,375
He's at breaking point, and unless he has
302
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,500
some kind of catharsis,
something terrible could happen.
303
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:04,000
He bit my mom.
304
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:05,500
It is gratifying to be right.
305
00:12:07,542 --> 00:12:08,917
Oh, how awful.
306
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:11,834
Animal control
is coming to get him right now.
307
00:12:11,917 --> 00:12:15,333
You can't stop 'em.
They got sticks with wire loops.
308
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,083
Kids, pack his things.
309
00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:20,208
And I'll need this.
This dog is coming with me.
310
00:12:20,291 --> 00:12:22,500
Well, I am not leaving here empty-handed.
311
00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,583
-Make me a sandwich.
-No.
312
00:12:24,667 --> 00:12:25,709
Okay, all right.
313
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:27,792
Being a police chief really sucks.
314
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,792
-Here you go.
-(sniffles)
315
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:33,542
(moans)
316
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:35,583
Listen, I packed you some biscuits.
317
00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:39,208
And even though I deplore
the killing of all animals,
318
00:12:39,375 --> 00:12:42,458
when you come to the salami, it's from me.
319
00:12:42,542 --> 00:12:43,750
(moans)
320
00:12:43,875 --> 00:12:46,667
Now who will chase squirrels with me?
321
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:48,709
(whines)
322
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:51,875
(siren wailing)
323
00:12:51,959 --> 00:12:53,667
(groans)
You better get going.
324
00:12:53,750 --> 00:12:56,250
Wait.
I'm not an emotional guy, but...
325
00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:04,625
(chuckles)
Get a doghouse, you two.
326
00:13:08,959 --> 00:13:11,083
(barking)
327
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:16,333
Here. Have some Snausage water
as you watch this video.
328
00:13:16,417 --> 00:13:19,417
NARRATOR: Here at the Institute,
there are no bad dogs.
329
00:13:19,625 --> 00:13:21,250
In answer to the age-old question,
330
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:24,917
"Who's a good dog?"
You are. You are.
331
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,333
Relax in our pile of wet dead leaves
332
00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:30,250
or enjoy fine dining
at The Dropped Porkchop.
333
00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:33,834
And here's our guarantee to you,
no fireworks.
334
00:13:33,917 --> 00:13:36,291
We'll have you feeling better in no time.
335
00:13:36,625 --> 00:13:39,250
Well, uh, there's nothing
physically wrong with you,
336
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:42,291
but to establish trust,
I'll sleep in your den tonight.
337
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:49,709
Well, a little bit of, uh,
reading before bed? (chuckles)
338
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,333
(squeaking)
339
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:52,375
(sighs)
340
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,333
♪ ♪
341
00:13:56,417 --> 00:13:58,083
(whines, barks)
342
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:00,834
"Dog having nightmare,
343
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,166
perhaps about the root of it all."
344
00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:07,625
(whines)
345
00:14:10,542 --> 00:14:12,542
(slow music playing)
346
00:14:18,583 --> 00:14:19,667
(slowly barking)
347
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,458
(speaking gibberish)
348
00:14:33,875 --> 00:14:34,834
(barks)
349
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,208
Oh, you poor thing.
350
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:40,417
Have some Lambien.
It'll help you sleep.
351
00:14:41,917 --> 00:14:43,583
(moans contentedly)
352
00:14:46,250 --> 00:14:49,750
Dad, am I gonna get my dog back?
353
00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:51,875
(laughs) Of course.
354
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:55,375
But just in case,
I know this isn't the kind of thing
355
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:58,417
a father says to his son, but let's pray.
356
00:14:58,917 --> 00:15:02,709
Almighty patron saint of dogs,
Saint Bernard...
357
00:15:02,792 --> 00:15:04,959
-Oh, can I join in?
-Sure.
358
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:08,125
-I'll pray, too.
-Wow.
359
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:12,208
Losing our dog, possibly forever,
has really brought us together.
360
00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:13,625
No!
361
00:15:13,750 --> 00:15:15,375
Sorry, sorry.
Back to the prayer.
362
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:18,083
Okay, now I need to see what set you off.
363
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:21,125
How do you feel about Marge?
364
00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:24,583
(sniffing, panting)
365
00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:28,500
-(thunder crashes)
-(whimpering)
366
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:31,709
Oh...
367
00:15:31,875 --> 00:15:34,250
(sighs)
368
00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:37,959
She is comfort. Hmm.
369
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:40,375
-So, what happened?
-CLAY: Elaine?
370
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:41,875
Hello?
371
00:15:41,959 --> 00:15:45,166
The car is here. Tuscany awaits.
372
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,959
Oh, Clay.
373
00:15:47,041 --> 00:15:49,083
Ugh, I should have called.
374
00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:52,083
Darling, I've done something impulsive.
375
00:15:52,166 --> 00:15:55,166
You know how Mother always
wanted you to wear her ring,
376
00:15:55,458 --> 00:15:58,500
but she died at a time
when we had no hope.
377
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,917
And in my heartache,
I let them bury her with it.
378
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:06,750
So I dug her up and, uh,
will you marry me?
379
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:12,375
I know "exhumed" isn't usually
the most romantic word, but...
380
00:16:12,458 --> 00:16:16,250
Oh, Clay.
I can't marry you now.
381
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:18,375
But I can meet you in Tuscany
in a few weeks.
382
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:22,959
I might not be there.
I can't compete with a wagging tail.
383
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:24,125
Goodbye, Clay.
384
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:27,792
I want you to know I'm already over you.
385
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,125
-(whimpering)
-Oh, no, no, not your fault.
386
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:33,542
Human nonsense.
Let's get back to work.
387
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,250
(cries)
388
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,834
Today I want you
to interact with the pack.
389
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,625
Mingle.
Sniff a butt you don't know.
390
00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:50,917
-(sniffing)
-(growling)
391
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,375
-(barks)
-(yelping)
392
00:16:52,875 --> 00:16:55,458
-(barking)
-Okay, interesting.
393
00:16:55,542 --> 00:16:57,667
Let's explore that.
394
00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:03,959
(whimpering)
395
00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:05,667
(barking)
396
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:08,625
You buried this here. Why?
397
00:17:08,709 --> 00:17:11,291
Is this the key that unlocks your psyche?
398
00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:13,041
Bark once for "yes," bark twice
399
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:15,458
for "that's too simplistic
a view of canine psychology."
400
00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:16,709
(barks twice)
401
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,792
Oh, hi. Is that our dog?
402
00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:24,750
(whispers): Or one that
looks just like it to fool the kids?
403
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:27,375
(gasps)
You're back! Aw.
404
00:17:27,542 --> 00:17:29,041
Where did this come from?
405
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:32,333
Uh, I would have to say the North Pole?
406
00:17:32,417 --> 00:17:34,959
Wait, Dad, that was the hat I was wearing
407
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:37,417
the night we got Santa's Little Helper.
Remember?
408
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,166
-Go! Go! Come on, boy!
-Go, Santa's Little Helper!
409
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,458
-Run. Run.
-Come on. Get that rabbit.
410
00:17:40,542 --> 00:17:42,917
ANNOUNCER: Dog of War coming up
fast on the outside...
411
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,959
Aw, can we keep him, Dad?
Please?
412
00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:48,959
But he's a loser.
He's pathetic.
413
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:50,750
-He's...
-(whines)
414
00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:53,041
a Simpson.
415
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,792
Santa's Little Helper was a racing dog?
416
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,542
(scoffs) Not much of one.
Even I could beat him.
417
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,041
Oh, it's all clear now.
418
00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:02,083
Your dog has PTSD.
419
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:05,625
And he has to confront his abuser,
and he's gonna do it right now.
420
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,291
Actually, we're in the middle
of a holiday brunch, so...
421
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:11,250
But I-- I'm with you.
422
00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:12,792
Uh, goodbye, everybody.
423
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:16,458
So, how many balls
are we allowed of croquembouche?
424
00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:20,500
Let's see if they have HBO GO.
425
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:21,875
I've wanted to watch Euphoria,
426
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:24,333
but I'm embarrassed to have it
in my viewing history.
427
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:32,417
Les Moore?
Greyhound trainer?
428
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,542
-Yeah, that's me.
-Dog abuser!
429
00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:37,917
Can I offer you a drink
to throw in my face?
430
00:18:38,041 --> 00:18:40,000
-Yeah, I'd like that.
-Yes, I bet you would.
431
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:41,792
I was being sarcastic, naturally.
432
00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:43,000
(grunts)
433
00:18:43,291 --> 00:18:45,125
Not all trainers are monsters.
434
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,041
-Yeah, I remember this mutt.
-(growls)
435
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,667
Uh, Santa's Little Helper!
436
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:50,500
Yeah.
Hey, what'd you rename him?
437
00:18:50,583 --> 00:18:52,500
-We didn't.
-Boy, are you lazy.
438
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,667
He was born to one
of the fastest in the business,
439
00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:57,041
She Biscuit.
440
00:18:57,125 --> 00:18:58,917
Oh, he was her favorite.
441
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,250
And boy, did he love her.
442
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:03,166
That's how we learned how fast he was.
443
00:19:03,917 --> 00:19:06,458
So naturally, we took him
from his mother forever.
444
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:08,458
-(slap)
-Did you just slap me again?
445
00:19:08,542 --> 00:19:10,583
-That was me.
-You cut the line.
446
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,542
-I want to slap. (grunts)
-Ow.
447
00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:13,917
-(grunting)
-Ow. Ow.
448
00:19:14,041 --> 00:19:15,875
-Here, Maggie.
-Ow.
449
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,959
There.
Now we've all had a turn.
450
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:19,792
-Not quite.
-(growling)
451
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,583
Ow! Okay, I get it.
452
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:25,333
Boy, suddenly the guy
who tortures dogs is the bad guy.
453
00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:28,083
(whimpering)
454
00:19:28,166 --> 00:19:29,709
Now what does he want?
455
00:19:30,917 --> 00:19:33,291
("The Way We Were" playing)
456
00:19:33,542 --> 00:19:34,750
Son of a gun.
457
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,000
Where's he going?
458
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:37,375
Uh...
(clears throat)
459
00:19:37,542 --> 00:19:39,417
To his, uh, to his mother.
460
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,250
Oh, I love happy endings.
461
00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:45,750
(melody music playing)
462
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:04,041
♪ Memories ♪
463
00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:07,500
♪ Light the corners of my mind... ♪
464
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:10,458
He'll be all right now.
(chuckles, sniffles)
465
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,125
Thank you so much.
466
00:20:12,208 --> 00:20:14,083
Oh, you're welcome.
467
00:20:14,709 --> 00:20:16,667
(sighs)
I better be getting home.
468
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,625
I've got 20 dogs to walk.
(chuckles)
469
00:20:19,792 --> 00:20:22,333
I could, uh, use some help.
470
00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:24,417
(Marge grumbles softly)
471
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:26,166
Fine.
472
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,000
It's so great everyone in this family
473
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,834
worked out their issues.
474
00:20:48,417 --> 00:20:50,375
(instrumental music playing)
475
00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:30,250
-(murmuring)
-Shh!