1 00:00:00,125 --> 00:00:02,542 (audience cheering) 2 00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:06,500 ♪ Day-oh! ♪ 3 00:00:06,583 --> 00:00:08,667 AUDIENCE: ♪ Day-oh! ♪ 4 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:11,583 D'oh! 5 00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:12,750 AUDIENCE: ♪ D'oh! ♪ 6 00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:21,917 -(horns honking) -HOMER: Come on, out of my way! 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:24,083 Where was this traffic when I was driving to church? 8 00:00:24,166 --> 00:00:26,417 -(horn honks) -Homie, calm down. 9 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:29,583 We're not going to miss the San Castellaneta Festival. 10 00:00:29,667 --> 00:00:31,834 I love San Castellaneta. 11 00:00:31,917 --> 00:00:34,291 Delicious food, wonderful people. 12 00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:36,125 It's just like being in Italy. 13 00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:39,250 But with streets that are wide enough I can fit in them. 14 00:00:39,333 --> 00:00:40,333 (sucks on pacifier) 15 00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:42,125 And I love the rides that are dangerous 16 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,458 because they're 100 years old. 17 00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:45,000 (people groaning) 18 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,583 (country music playing) 19 00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:51,250 (carnival music playing) 20 00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:53,583 Hold on, kids. Here we go. 21 00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:55,125 (chains clinking) 22 00:00:55,208 --> 00:00:57,750 I beat out a mule and an ox for this job. 23 00:00:57,834 --> 00:01:00,208 The secret is not to ask for benefits. 24 00:01:02,041 --> 00:01:03,625 ♪ Give me pizza, give me pasta ♪ 25 00:01:03,709 --> 00:01:06,000 ♪ Give me lots of cannoli ♪ 26 00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:08,083 ♪ I'll drink sambuca till I puke-a ♪ 27 00:01:08,166 --> 00:01:10,875 ♪ Then I'll finish with spumoni ♪ 28 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,500 ♪ Drink until my legs are Jell-O ♪ 29 00:01:12,583 --> 00:01:15,667 ♪ Cheap red wine and limoncello... ♪ 30 00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:16,917 (grunting) 31 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,333 (laughter) 32 00:01:18,417 --> 00:01:20,417 (vocalizing) 33 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,667 (Homer humming outside) 34 00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:28,625 You want us to bring you anything back 35 00:01:28,709 --> 00:01:29,709 from the festival, Tone? 36 00:01:29,792 --> 00:01:31,542 No. It's all carbs. 37 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,458 I don't want people to think I'm fat. 38 00:01:33,542 --> 00:01:35,542 But your name is Fat Tony. 39 00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:37,041 It blends. 40 00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:38,792 I can't believe you're not going, 41 00:01:38,875 --> 00:01:41,375 after I flew out your uncle from Sicily. 42 00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:44,125 -Idiota! -That icy glare 43 00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,125 is why I left the old country. 44 00:01:46,208 --> 00:01:49,875 Tightlips, you do a poor job of reading my moods. 45 00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:53,083 But you're the only one I trust. 46 00:01:53,166 --> 00:01:55,041 Go. Enjoy your festival 47 00:01:55,125 --> 00:01:58,959 while I sit here bonding with my uncle. 48 00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:01,083 Do you want to go to the festival, zio? 49 00:02:01,166 --> 00:02:02,417 (scoffs, spits loudly) 50 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,959 I came to this country for the Burning Man. 51 00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,375 Before I die, 52 00:02:07,458 --> 00:02:10,041 I want to see a naked crunchy chick 53 00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:12,166 riding a bicycle. 54 00:02:12,750 --> 00:02:14,375 ♪ Everybody has a treat... ♪ 55 00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:15,458 -(grunts) -(people gasp) 56 00:02:19,750 --> 00:02:22,125 -Opa! -That's Greek, Chief. 57 00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,750 Hey, Lou, when's the festival for Saint Know-It-All? 58 00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:27,208 -Uh, I believe it's October the... -There isn't one! 59 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:29,667 Nobody likes a know-it-all. Idiot. 60 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,041 Hey, we got a-zeppole, we got a-braciole, 61 00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:34,125 capicola, scungilli, 62 00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:36,166 and I don't know what the hell-a this is. 63 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,417 Can you make it all in one thing and fry it? 64 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:40,834 I saw-a you coming. 65 00:02:42,834 --> 00:02:44,834 Ooh. This place looks interesting. 66 00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:47,542 Dad, no, that's an actual church. 67 00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:48,917 (shrieks) 68 00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:51,417 Welcome, everyone, to this festival 69 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,500 that does not celebrate Christopher Columbus. 70 00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,583 Repeat: not Columbus. 71 00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,583 As we stand here at the corner 72 00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:01,625 of Niña and Pinta and Santa Maria, 73 00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:05,041 let us welcome your master of cere-spumonies, 74 00:03:05,125 --> 00:03:06,792 Aquaman himself, 75 00:03:06,875 --> 00:03:09,458 Jason Morororora. 76 00:03:09,542 --> 00:03:10,792 (fanfare plays) 77 00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:13,208 It is an honor to be here on land today 78 00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:16,709 to recount the inspiring story of this great saint. 79 00:03:16,792 --> 00:03:19,750 -Aquaman. -Sign my left boob. (grunts) 80 00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:22,125 Aquaman is not here for the signing of boobs. 81 00:03:22,208 --> 00:03:25,458 That's a separate event at the Marriott. Conference room C. 82 00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:27,917 (conch blows) 83 00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:32,583 In 250 A.D., Brother Ignatius Castellaneta 84 00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:35,000 refused to recant his Christian faith. 85 00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:36,834 And so the Romans chopped off his head, 86 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,291 they chopped off his arms, 87 00:03:38,375 --> 00:03:41,792 they chopped off his legs, and they chopped off his toes. 88 00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:43,917 They shot him with arrows made of frozen snakes 89 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,875 and they pulled out his eyes and replaced them 90 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:47,875 with chocolate-covered pistachios. 91 00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:50,583 But still, Ignatius refused to recant. 92 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,500 So they boiled his bones in sparkling cherry wine. 93 00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:58,333 So that's why the thrice-martyred saint is remembered with spumoni, 94 00:03:58,417 --> 00:04:01,083 the chocolate pistachio cherry ice cream treat. 95 00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:05,959 (retches) Ugh. Not good. 96 00:04:06,041 --> 00:04:08,166 Uh, yes, uh, thank you, Super-Fish. 97 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:11,667 And now, let us show our deep reverence for Jesus 98 00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:14,917 by festooning his statue with dollar bills. 99 00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:20,291 Pin a dollar on Jesus, Homer. 100 00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:21,542 He doesn't need money. 101 00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:24,417 (whispers) I hear his father's loaded. 102 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,667 (Marge groans) 103 00:04:27,291 --> 00:04:29,208 Hey, where's my wallet? 104 00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:30,917 Yeah, my wallet's gone, too. 105 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,875 -My purse! -My belt! 106 00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:34,291 My clutch! 107 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,333 We are the victims of a pocket-picking pandemic. 108 00:04:37,417 --> 00:04:39,667 Do something, Wet Panther! 109 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,792 Peter Piper picked a peck of pocket wallets? 110 00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:52,500 How many paupers did Peter's pocket picking produce? 111 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:55,542 (sighs) I'm afraid no pants are safe from this Dockers stalker, 112 00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:58,625 this chino bandito, this trouser browser. 113 00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:02,542 But Chief Wiggum vows he will solve this pickle of a puzzle. 114 00:05:02,625 --> 00:05:04,458 Oh, I solved it, all right. 115 00:05:04,542 --> 00:05:06,667 "Thief of polite." "Thief of polite." 116 00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,083 I said it first! 117 00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:12,458 Wiggum, I hate to interrupt this important police work... 118 00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:15,500 "Police." That's it. "Thief of police." 119 00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:18,625 Hey! I need that to switch to Access Hollywood. 120 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,750 You need a lot more than that. 121 00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:24,750 I'm Lenora Carter, special investigator from the attorney general's office, 122 00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:27,083 and I'm taking over this case. 123 00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,625 Uh, look, ma'am, you seem nice, 124 00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:31,875 but no one comes into my precinct and tells me what to do. 125 00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:33,917 -Shut up and listen. -Yes, ma'am. 126 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,834 You are the worst police officer I've ever had the pleasure 127 00:05:36,917 --> 00:05:38,917 of humiliating in front of his men. 128 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,250 (chuckles) You are so fat, you're good cop and bad cop. 129 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:44,917 Your drug-sniffing dog is in rehab. 130 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,583 OK, it's for sex addiction. 131 00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:50,125 You there, Riggs and Murtaugh. Ha. 132 00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:51,291 -Hmm. -Ooh. 133 00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:53,917 It's time to do some real police work. 134 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,667 I see, fine. No, go ahead. 135 00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:58,417 I'll go work out my feelings on the gun range. 136 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,083 (gunfire) 137 00:06:00,166 --> 00:06:01,625 We don't have a gun range! 138 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,041 -(gunfire) -(Wiggum screams) 139 00:06:04,875 --> 00:06:08,625 We'll trap the pickpocket by planting a wallet with a tracer 140 00:06:08,709 --> 00:06:12,583 in a rear end so huge no criminal could miss it. 141 00:06:12,667 --> 00:06:15,375 -We need to find the biggest ass in town. -HOMER: Hello. 142 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:19,750 Could you direct me to the Office of Park Bench Removal? 143 00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:21,291 Yeah, just take a seat, sir. 144 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:23,291 Thank you, I have my own. 145 00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:26,083 (vocalizing) 146 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:28,917 I'm not letting my husband risk his life. 147 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,750 I admit it-- I'm scared. 148 00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:33,959 Ma'am, this is a matter of public urgency. 149 00:06:34,041 --> 00:06:37,333 Your husband's rear end is bigger than the both of us. 150 00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:39,208 (laughs) 151 00:06:39,291 --> 00:06:40,333 (humming) 152 00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,208 With your kids' permission, we can watch 153 00:06:42,291 --> 00:06:45,458 your father's butt crack this case wide open. 154 00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:48,000 (Bart and Lisa laugh) 155 00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:50,959 (chuckles) "Wide open." 156 00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:55,792 Homer, we're placing this tracking device in your wallet. 157 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:59,500 Then you just have to put that sweet seat meat on the street. 158 00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:02,875 Now let me pull your wallet up so it's just peeking over the pocket. 159 00:07:02,959 --> 00:07:04,667 Uhp-bup-bup. Allow me. 160 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,500 Pick a card. Any card. 161 00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:09,125 Thank God that thing is on our side. 162 00:07:09,208 --> 00:07:11,291 ♪ I don't think you're ready for this ♪ 163 00:07:11,375 --> 00:07:13,458 ♪ 'Cause my body's too bootylicious for you, babe... ♪ 164 00:07:13,542 --> 00:07:15,750 (audience booing) 165 00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:18,041 ♪ I don't think you're ready for this jelly ♪ 166 00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,125 ♪ I don't think you're ready for this ♪ 167 00:07:20,208 --> 00:07:23,542 ♪ 'Cause my body's too bootylicious for you, babe ♪ 168 00:07:23,625 --> 00:07:25,208 ♪ Baby, can you handle this? ♪ 169 00:07:25,291 --> 00:07:27,625 ♪ Baby, can you handle this? ♪ 170 00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:33,959 (whoops) 171 00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:36,208 -(beeping) -We've got our target. 172 00:07:41,500 --> 00:07:43,291 (quietly) What are you doing here? 173 00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:46,208 (quietly) I admit it, I couldn't stay away. I was following you. 174 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:48,875 Also, I was driving around to put Ralphie to sleep. 175 00:07:48,959 --> 00:07:50,875 That kid will not go down. 176 00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:54,208 I'm a lotto ball. You lose again, Daddy. 177 00:07:54,291 --> 00:07:55,542 We're going in. 178 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:58,125 Ah-ah-ah. Except you. 179 00:08:03,291 --> 00:08:05,333 (gunshot echoes) 180 00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:09,041 Ah, you work with two guys all your life and you think you know 'em. 181 00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:12,709 Betrayed by Lou and, uh, the other guy. 182 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,125 What is his name again? 183 00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:16,333 (chuckles) I-I want to say Greg. 184 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:23,959 You know, Uncle, guests, like fish, stink after three days. 185 00:08:24,041 --> 00:08:27,291 I told you once, I told you a thousand times, 186 00:08:27,375 --> 00:08:30,041 I'm not leaving until my wife forgives me. 187 00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:33,375 -She's dead. -You always take her side! 188 00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:35,834 Cops? What are you doing here? 189 00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:38,458 This is a setup. W-What are these things? 190 00:08:38,542 --> 00:08:41,709 I was told this was an Asian fusion pop-up restaurant, 191 00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:44,333 but I see no Asian nor fusion. 192 00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:46,333 Marion "Fat Tony" D'Amico, 193 00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:49,291 you're under arrest for heading a pickpocket ring. 194 00:08:49,375 --> 00:08:51,917 But I've never seen these wallets before. 195 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,625 The-The room is spinning. 196 00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:57,583 So this is what it feels like to be innocent. 197 00:08:57,667 --> 00:08:58,709 (body thuds) 198 00:08:58,792 --> 00:09:01,250 And this is how it feels to be irrelevant. 199 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,000 Daddy's an elephant. 200 00:09:03,083 --> 00:09:05,417 No-no, I'm not an elephant, Ralphie, 201 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,792 and-and please don't you forget it. 202 00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:10,875 ("Baby Elephant Walk" by Henry Mancini playing) 203 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:28,625 The Wolf of Wallet Street? (chuckles) 204 00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:32,583 Reputed mobster Fat Tony D'Amico is at last behind bars. 205 00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:36,542 My wife. 206 00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:39,125 My goomar. 207 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:43,041 My teacup pig. 208 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,291 (pig squeals) 209 00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:47,875 (tires screeches) 210 00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:48,917 (Wiggum groans) 211 00:09:49,208 --> 00:09:50,583 What's wrong, Chief? 212 00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:53,458 Marge, you ever felt like life has passed you by, 213 00:09:53,542 --> 00:09:54,709 there's no point? 214 00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,709 Oh, you're just having a rough patch. 215 00:09:56,792 --> 00:09:59,125 It happens to all men in their 50s. 216 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:00,709 I'm 38, Marge. 217 00:10:00,792 --> 00:10:01,875 (Marge groans) 218 00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:04,583 Chief, do you know why I love my husband? 219 00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:07,834 For that most romantic of reasons, inertia. 220 00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:10,875 I love him because he's not afraid to fail. 221 00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:14,208 He has boundless unjustified confidence 222 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:15,667 and you should, too. 223 00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,208 Really? You think so? 224 00:10:17,291 --> 00:10:20,000 Boy, suddenly, I-I see a break in the clouds. 225 00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:22,291 I will not let you down, Marge. 226 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,417 Uh, Marge, can I get a ride to the station? 227 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,375 Uh, Ralphie will stay with the car. 228 00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:40,125 Dear Lord, who sees all, the jabronis and the mamalukes, 229 00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:41,959 you know I am innocent. 230 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,375 In your mercy and by your grace, 231 00:10:44,458 --> 00:10:47,959 help me kneecap the rat Judas who set me up. 232 00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:49,542 Amen. 233 00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:55,875 Almighty God, I'm not a praying man. 234 00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:59,583 For me, getting down on my knees is often a one-way trip. 235 00:10:59,667 --> 00:11:02,166 I-I know I made a deal with the devil to be chief, 236 00:11:02,250 --> 00:11:05,542 but please just ignore that and help me out, will ya? 237 00:11:10,625 --> 00:11:13,583 Dear Lord, please bring back plastic straws. 238 00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:16,792 The paper ones get soggy so fast. 239 00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:20,417 I brought the mob lawyer right away like you asked, boss. 240 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,458 They wouldn't even let me put my pants on. 241 00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:24,333 I was barely able to grab my rate clock. 242 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,875 Al diavolo rate clock. Get me out of here. 243 00:11:26,959 --> 00:11:29,500 -And I mean fast. -Patience. Patience. 244 00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:31,875 OK, what have they got you on? 245 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,291 (slowly) Murder one? 246 00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:38,125 (slowly) Murder two? 247 00:11:38,208 --> 00:11:40,709 Pickpocketing! Quit talking slow! 248 00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:42,875 (slowly) All right. 249 00:11:42,959 --> 00:11:44,959 Actually, I'm innocent. 250 00:11:45,041 --> 00:11:47,166 Innocent? Innocent? 251 00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:49,959 A judge wouldn't believe you for a second. 252 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:52,500 I've got nothing to work with here. 253 00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:55,917 What would you even plead? You really did it this time. 254 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,083 -I didn't do it. -(groans) 255 00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:02,417 -You want me to whack him, boss? -No! Just usher him out. 256 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,250 Got it. I'll "usher him out." 257 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,208 I mean show him the door. 258 00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:10,000 Right. I'll "show him the door." 259 00:12:10,083 --> 00:12:12,667 Whatever you think I want you to do, just do the opposite! 260 00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:14,709 (muttering in Italian) 261 00:12:14,792 --> 00:12:18,166 (speaking Italian) 262 00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:20,250 (both speaking Italian) 263 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:40,834 The one crime I would never commit is pickpocketing. 264 00:12:40,917 --> 00:12:43,375 Huh. He seems sincere. 265 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,166 I am sincere. 266 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:48,792 When I was a boy, my father, Fatso Antonio, 267 00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:50,750 needed a heart transplant. 268 00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:54,583 On its way to the hospital, that heart was pickpocketed. 269 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:59,083 My father died the way no made man should die: 270 00:12:59,166 --> 00:13:01,542 of natural causes. 271 00:13:01,625 --> 00:13:03,417 (cries) 272 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,083 Oh, my God. I discovered a clue. 273 00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:08,792 (chuckles) I found an electric toothbrush. 274 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,291 (Taser crackles) 275 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,875 Well, he'll sleep good tonight. 276 00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:14,917 I can tell he's innocent, 277 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,291 with a certainty you can only develop 278 00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:19,917 putting hundreds of innocent people in jail. 279 00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:24,500 DNA technology has not been my friend. 280 00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:26,834 GUARD: Lights out! 281 00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:28,375 Psst. Psst, psst. 282 00:13:28,458 --> 00:13:31,583 Why do you "psst" me? I'm not going anywhere. 283 00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:32,834 (quietly) I think you're innocent. 284 00:13:32,917 --> 00:13:34,709 But you're gonna have to convince me 285 00:13:34,792 --> 00:13:37,583 to ignore your entire past history. 286 00:13:41,709 --> 00:13:43,792 I was not born a rich man. 287 00:13:43,875 --> 00:13:47,458 Where I grew up, there was one way out, your fists. 288 00:13:47,542 --> 00:13:49,667 Or the many scholarships available 289 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,917 to young Italian-American students. 290 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,083 But the forms required information, 291 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:56,083 and I ain't no snitch. 292 00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:57,375 All right, I'm losing my confidence. 293 00:13:57,458 --> 00:13:58,792 You did it, didn't you? 294 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:02,458 I swear on this former priest that I didn't do it. 295 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,500 He's not guilty. 296 00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:07,417 -And I know guilty. -And I can prove it. 297 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:10,333 -Well, go ahead. -I said I can prove it. 298 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,500 I didn't say I would. 299 00:14:12,583 --> 00:14:14,333 Well, why wouldn't you? 300 00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:17,542 Because what I was actually doing at the time is something 301 00:14:17,625 --> 00:14:21,166 a mob boss cannot do and let people know. 302 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,959 If you help me, I swear an oath 303 00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:25,125 we'll find the guy that framed you. 304 00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,333 All right, I will show you what I was doing 305 00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:28,959 when the heist went down. 306 00:14:29,041 --> 00:14:30,083 (groans) Oh. 307 00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:33,041 It's so embarrassing, it has to be true. 308 00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:34,792 Give me your phone. 309 00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:41,291 This is what I do every day at that time, 310 00:14:41,375 --> 00:14:42,875 the time of the crime. 311 00:14:42,959 --> 00:14:46,291 As you will see, I walk into my private space, 312 00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:48,709 I gargle, 313 00:14:49,375 --> 00:14:53,291 and then, God help me, I... 314 00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:55,959 ♪ Good times and bum times ♪ 315 00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:59,041 ♪ I've seen them all and, my dear ♪ 316 00:14:59,125 --> 00:15:00,875 ♪ I'm still here ♪ 317 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,750 ♪ Plush velvet sometimes ♪ 318 00:15:03,834 --> 00:15:06,166 ♪ Sometimes just pretzels and beer ♪ 319 00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,166 (grunts) 320 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,083 ♪ But I'm here... ♪ 321 00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:15,709 Now you know. When I'm alone, I sing show tunes. 322 00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:18,875 You didn't steal those wallets. You stole my heart. 323 00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,834 Leave it on. 324 00:15:20,917 --> 00:15:24,375 ♪ Ten years a mob boss, hits and whacks ♪ 325 00:15:24,458 --> 00:15:28,709 ♪ Bought judges and mayors And never paid tax... ♪ 326 00:15:28,792 --> 00:15:30,542 -OK, that's enough. -(music stops) 327 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,875 Definitely enough. 328 00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:38,375 We're gonna get you out, today. 329 00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:39,625 (groans) 330 00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,125 Appreciate the offer, Chief, 331 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:43,208 but prison has changed me. 332 00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:47,041 Now I'm thinking I should just give up, serve out my term, 333 00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:50,667 then sit in the warm sun outside the butcher shop. 334 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,041 Isn't that what you always did? 335 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:54,250 Yeah, but every few hours, 336 00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:56,875 someone would whisper something into my ear, 337 00:15:56,959 --> 00:16:00,083 then I had to decide whether to nod or shrug. 338 00:16:00,166 --> 00:16:03,583 It was very stressful. The agita. 339 00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,583 Uh, I thought you wanted to get the guy who put you here. 340 00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:07,875 I do. 341 00:16:07,959 --> 00:16:10,875 Well, we will, if you will wear a wire. 342 00:16:10,959 --> 00:16:14,625 I'm sorry, but on principle, that is something I cannot do. 343 00:16:14,709 --> 00:16:16,083 Let me repeat, 344 00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:19,083 something I cannot do. 345 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,667 (tires screeching) 346 00:16:43,792 --> 00:16:46,375 Now, remember the phrase to call for help. 347 00:16:46,458 --> 00:16:48,208 -What phrase? -"Remember the phrase." 348 00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:50,041 I will. What phrase is it? 349 00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:52,375 "Remember the phrase." 350 00:16:52,458 --> 00:16:55,625 I would if you would tell me what it is. 351 00:16:55,709 --> 00:16:57,834 The phrase is "remember the phrase." 352 00:16:57,917 --> 00:17:00,250 That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. 353 00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:02,625 Just remember, your life depends on us. 354 00:17:02,709 --> 00:17:04,458 Oh, and please, no profanity. 355 00:17:04,542 --> 00:17:05,959 I play these for the missus 356 00:17:06,041 --> 00:17:07,959 when we're, uh, we're getting in the mood. 357 00:17:08,041 --> 00:17:09,208 (laughs) 358 00:17:10,208 --> 00:17:11,542 (groans) 359 00:17:12,208 --> 00:17:15,750 A toast to Fat Tony, a man like a Botticelli nude, 360 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,083 fat, old and easy to frame, huh? 361 00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,041 (laughter) 362 00:17:20,125 --> 00:17:21,875 Hello, fellas. 363 00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,417 Fat Tony. I was just saying how much we missed you. 364 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,458 Huh? Huh, guys? 365 00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:27,500 -Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, we said that. -(nervous murmuring) 366 00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:31,792 Quiet! I don't want to hear anybody but Frankie the Squealer. 367 00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:34,375 W-W-What do, w-what do you want to hear from me? 368 00:17:38,417 --> 00:17:40,542 The name of the man who framed you? I would never. 369 00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:42,166 I didn't say Johnny Tightlips. 370 00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:43,959 I would never say Johnny Tightlips. 371 00:17:44,041 --> 00:17:46,500 Ladies and gentlemen, our new boss, Johnny Tightlips. 372 00:17:46,583 --> 00:17:49,583 So, it was you, Johnny. 373 00:17:49,667 --> 00:17:52,000 -What? Hey! Whoa! -You! 374 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:54,875 After all your passive-aggressive replies 375 00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:58,041 and bitter looks, I never would've guessed. 376 00:17:58,125 --> 00:18:01,166 You mistook my taciturn nature for fealty. 377 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:03,583 But it was simply that I didn't feel comfortable 378 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,375 in social situations. 379 00:18:05,458 --> 00:18:07,000 Then I saw this commercial 380 00:18:07,083 --> 00:18:10,417 where a sad cloud goes on a date with the sun. 381 00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:13,000 So I talked to my doctor about Paxil, 382 00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:16,417 and it gave me the confidence to betray you. 383 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,041 (agreeable chatter) 384 00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:22,709 This is my crew now. Ain't that right, Jimmy Kissass? 385 00:18:22,792 --> 00:18:24,750 You was always my favorite. 386 00:18:24,834 --> 00:18:26,667 What about you, Sonny Go-along? 387 00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:28,959 I'm good if everyone else is. 388 00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:31,166 -Willie Whatever? -Whatever. 389 00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,625 And you, Joey Can't-Read-the-Room? 390 00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:36,166 You're nuts! Ain't none of us gonna go along with this! 391 00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:38,667 Yeah, see, that's... You didn't... That's not... 392 00:18:41,291 --> 00:18:42,333 (bottle shatters) 393 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:48,667 ("Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey playing) 394 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:51,041 ♪ Just a small town girl... ♪ 395 00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:53,083 I'm surprised Maggie isn't here. 396 00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:55,709 ♪ Lonely world ♪ 397 00:18:55,792 --> 00:18:58,375 ♪ She took the midnight train ♪ 398 00:18:58,458 --> 00:19:00,834 ♪ Going anywhere... ♪ 399 00:19:00,917 --> 00:19:03,500 Mm, this pasta's delicious. 400 00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:05,250 I'm gonna find out what the sauce is. 401 00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:07,125 Remember the phrase. 402 00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:09,208 WIGGUM (over radio): Remember what phrase? 403 00:19:09,291 --> 00:19:11,041 -Oh, right. -(siren wailing) 404 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,333 Ooh, sauce. 405 00:19:19,709 --> 00:19:21,667 Oh! I'm hit! 406 00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:26,041 Right in the heart... of your ass. 407 00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:28,458 Someone's got to suck out the bullet. 408 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:32,000 Wiggum, damn it, this is what you were born to do. 409 00:19:32,375 --> 00:19:33,750 (sucking) 410 00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:35,166 ♪ Don't stop-- ♪ 411 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,375 There he is. 412 00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:42,166 We thought we were gonna lose you for a minute there, champ. 413 00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,542 (laughs) 414 00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:45,375 You have the chief here to thank. 415 00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:47,792 His quick suction may have saved your life. 416 00:19:48,458 --> 00:19:49,750 (hoarse) Thank you. 417 00:19:53,166 --> 00:19:56,709 Well, Wiggum, I have to say, when I first met you, 418 00:19:56,792 --> 00:19:58,834 I thought you were totally incompetent. 419 00:19:58,917 --> 00:20:00,375 (chuckles) 420 00:20:00,959 --> 00:20:02,125 And? 421 00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:05,792 -And? -(tires screech) 422 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:09,041 And? A-And? And? 423 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,792 I believe in you, Chief. 424 00:20:11,208 --> 00:20:13,208 And, yeah, that-that's enough. 425 00:20:15,917 --> 00:20:19,250 The three of us-- we are not that different. 426 00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:20,875 Whoa! Hey, whoa! 427 00:20:20,959 --> 00:20:22,500 What's this guy talking about? 428 00:20:22,583 --> 00:20:24,542 We are cicciobomba, 429 00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:28,458 who like to sit in the sun and enjoy a nice prosciutto. 430 00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:30,959 Cicciobomba, prosciutto. 431 00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:33,125 You guys make garbage sound good. 432 00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:36,625 We call garbage spazzatura. 433 00:20:36,792 --> 00:20:40,000 Mm... garbage. 434 00:20:40,375 --> 00:20:42,709 -(laughter) -Garbage. 435 00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:44,709 (mariachi music playing) 436 00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:29,750 -(murmuring) -Shh!