1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,678 (exclaims) 3 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,768 (school bell rings) 4 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,063 (burps) 5 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,148 (tires screech) 6 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:27,235 D'oh! 7 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,903 (grunts) 8 00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:36,202 Refill! 9 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,288 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,252 HOMER: Kids, 11 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:45,378 is there anything better 12 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,048 than when a restaurant misprints a coupon? 13 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,467 -(snaps fingers) -And with the money we saved, 14 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,970 your mom is getting a Swedish massage. 15 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,890 (exhales) All the tension's going 16 00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,558 (in Patty's voice): out of my body. 17 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,727 (guttural moans) 18 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:03,313 Now let's take one deep breath of this classy place 19 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,607 before we go back to our lousy car. 20 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,984 -(all inhaling) -(French accent): Excuse me, 21 00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,445 that air is the property of this restaurant. 22 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,405 Fine, I'll give it back. (belches loudly) 23 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,991 (laughter) 24 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,576 -Good one. -(belches) 25 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:19,537 -(belches) -Memory book. 26 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:21,206 Okay, kids. I admit we hustled 27 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:22,916 the restaurant there, but that's it. 28 00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:24,667 I don't want you to think this is the way 29 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:25,919 you get ahead in life. 30 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:29,089 Do not take advantage of someone else's mistakes. 31 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:31,591 -Your car, sir. -But that's not... 32 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:34,052 (heavenly chorus) 33 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:35,261 You see that, kids? 34 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:36,888 It's the kind of car they don't make anymore. 35 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,557 Windshield that breaks into a thousand glass razor blades. 36 00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:41,601 Your lap is the cup holder. 37 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,978 Vinyl seats that can melt your ass. 38 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,939 God, do I want to drive it. 39 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:49,567 (shudders): Oh... so useless. 40 00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:53,029 This is the car I've always wanted. 41 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,781 You'll never have a car this nice. 42 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,658 You'll never have a girlfriend this cute. 43 00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,076 That's right! 44 00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,954 And you'll never have exhaust this toxic. 45 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:02,247 (tires screech) 46 00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:07,293 Oh, I need this. I've always needed this. 47 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,087 Get in, kids, get in. 48 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,047 Dad, what were you just telling us? 49 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,799 This is morally wr... 50 00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:15,260 Whee! 51 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,220 Pull every knob. Press all the buttons. 52 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,471 Find out what things do. 53 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,808 (grunting) 54 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,646 Don't you "chitty chitty bang bang" me! 55 00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,731 -(grunting) -("Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" playing) 56 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,696 Ooh, what's this crank for? 57 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,197 Duh, rolling down the window. 58 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,575 Hmm. How do I put on the air conditioning? 59 00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,702 Uh, you're doing it. 60 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,787 Aw, cool. An ashtray. 61 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,081 (gasps) A full ashtray! 62 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,501 Uh-uh-uh! Bad, bad, bad! 63 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:51,004 Ah, smooth. Bad, bad. 64 00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,755 (small car honks) 65 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,341 (honks) 66 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:59,095 Now, to tie them in a bow. 67 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,181 (grunts) 68 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,851 My husband-- he's doing something incredibly stupid. 69 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,271 Look at this beautiful color. 70 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,608 Seafoam. This is what cars used to look like. 71 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,818 And what the sea used to look like. 72 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,988 -(tires screech) -LISA and BART: Whee! 73 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:18,489 Whoa! 74 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,242 Put this on the list of things we don't tell your mother. 75 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,203 Including the fact there is a list. 76 00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,206 LISA: Aw, it's over. 77 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,166 Now, to teach you kids a life lesson. 78 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,711 Moments of pure joy always have consequences. 79 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,046 We already knew that. 80 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:34,964 Yeah. Why do you think we exist? 81 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,091 Quick! Put on your innocent faces. 82 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,219 Innocenter... innocenter. 83 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:43,348 Uh, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sorry, you gave me the wrong car. 84 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:47,435 The moment I realized, I brought it back immediately. 85 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,437 You stole my car. 86 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,733 My precious 1957 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz convertible 87 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:57,195 in the original seafoam, with the illegal brodie knob. 88 00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:00,573 Oh, God. Tell me right now you did not touch my brodie knob. 89 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,492 Absolutely not. 90 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,535 This is the brodie knob. 91 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,621 Oh. I was all over that thing. 92 00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,081 You're in big trouble. 93 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,333 They're gonna charge you with grand theft auto. 94 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:13,294 A lousy game but a magnificent law. 95 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,588 Listen, I'm sorry. Really sorry. 96 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,007 I just wanted to give my kids a ride, 97 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,759 show them the house I was born in, 98 00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,552 show them the house I'm gonna die in, 99 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,720 then drive through a cornfield for kicks. 100 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:23,805 Whoo-hoo! 101 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,684 I gave you the USS Enterprise, 102 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:31,104 and you returned with the Orville! 103 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,773 I am so sorry. You're absolutely right. 104 00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:35,358 I'll get it fixed by a pro. 105 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,568 I'll get you a license plate frame saying 106 00:04:37,652 --> 00:04:40,655 "My other car is a..." insert dumb movie reference. 107 00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:43,199 Tron Legacy Light-Cycle. Well, okay. 108 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:46,828 I suppose I could allow you to... Oh, God! 109 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:48,288 No! 110 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:52,709 My mint condition copy of Radioactive Man number one! 111 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:53,835 (grunts) 112 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,004 This was the comic I always wanted most 113 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,506 since I was an athletic, popular child. 114 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,008 Look, you're a nice guy. 115 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,386 When have you ever seen me be a nice guy?! 116 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,514 I am pressing charges! 117 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:10,685 Is this yours? 118 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,812 Yes. 119 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,440 Simpson, get on the bike. 120 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,233 Put your arms around me. 121 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,570 Now, head on my shoulder. Yeah... aw, that's nice. 122 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,530 And don't lean the same way I do 123 00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:23,656 (chuckles): or we're both dead. 124 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,658 Uh, by the way, you're under arrest. 125 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:28,202 Uh, doesn't the law say I need a helmet, too? 126 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,038 Another law you're breaking. 127 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,251 Why are you riding a motorcycle? 128 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,086 It's not for fun! I got arrested! 129 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,130 That's worse! 130 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,842 Your Honor, I'm scared. Okay, I screwed up. 131 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:46,262 If you'll permit, may I read a speech in my defense? 132 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,555 Did your daughter write it? 133 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,182 Absolutely not. 134 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:51,601 Sir, if an opportunity came along 135 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,020 to give your kids a memory they'll never forget, 136 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,230 -wouldn't you hop in the driver's seat? -(mouthing) 137 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,858 A golden day with their dad. 138 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:01,235 What could be more innocent? 139 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:04,197 All I know is that as that gas gauge read empty, 140 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,325 our hearts were full. Full of love. 141 00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:10,286 Love of what our country does best: 142 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,830 build cars 60 years ago! 143 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,332 (sniffling) 144 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:17,460 I'm a judge. But I'm also a father. 145 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,420 A father whose ex-wife only lets him see the kids 146 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:22,215 on summers and Christmas. I don't need you to rub it in. 147 00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,716 I find the defendant guilty. 148 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,302 Your Honor, I'm not the one on trial here. 149 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,929 Yes, you are. 150 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,472 (all gasping) 151 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,975 "Hire a lawyer," I said. "Waste of money," he said. 152 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,854 This is what I spend my time in courtroom audiences for. 153 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,523 This is my Starbucks. 154 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,112 HOMER: Two weeks. Two weeks to turn this around. 155 00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:45,738 Lisa, can we get the state 156 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,615 to change its sentencing guidelines 157 00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:49,117 in the next two weeks? 158 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,203 Uh, the legislative calendar is pretty full. 159 00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:54,622 And they take off the second week for Easter. 160 00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:57,917 Roman Easter. To the Byzantine world, it's nothing. 161 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,212 I'm afraid we have to prepare for the possibility 162 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:03,548 that you might go to prison. 163 00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:07,385 ANNOUNCER: The Arts and Incarceration Channel presents... 164 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:13,558 INTERVIEWER: What advice would you give to a new inmate? 165 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,393 Everything can be a weapon. 166 00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:18,438 I saw a guy get his eye gouged with uncooked spaghetti. 167 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,773 You sound like you've seen a lot. 168 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,277 I've seen things and done things I ain't proud of. 169 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,486 And I'm the chaplain. 170 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,697 I can't take this, Marge. 171 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,950 Maybe I can make peace with Comic Book Guy. 172 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:32,910 Do you think so? He's an angry man. 173 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:36,664 His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he hates Star Wars. 174 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,249 I'll talk to him. 175 00:07:38,332 --> 00:07:41,669 Careful, Marge. He's a lazy, overweight slob. 176 00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,463 Don't fall in love with him. 177 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,512 Comic Book Guy, my husband is really sorry. 178 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:55,141 Okay, he screwed up. But he doesn't belong in prison. 179 00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,894 I beg to differ. That car is very special to me. 180 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,770 When I was young, my father took me in it to... 181 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,648 -Buy comic books? -No, not comic books. 182 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,942 Everything in my life is not comic books, okay? 183 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,694 We bought baseball cards. 184 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,780 Look, we'll detail your car and fix your comic book. 185 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,409 This is not about my car. It is about me getting respect. 186 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,245 I want all the Little Lulus five dollars can buy. 187 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,581 And make it snappy, Blobba the Hutt. 188 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,084 Jabba is actually quite slim! For a Hutt. 189 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,628 Just get the Lulus. 190 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,088 Or I'll take my business to Build-A-Bear. 191 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,926 Here you go. Five dollars' worth of Little Lulus. 192 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,472 As for you, I am not budging. 193 00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:37,767 Like the door of Superman's Fortress of Solitude 194 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,603 when the Beatles tried to visit. Pure folly. 195 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,855 That comic is noncanonical. 196 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,234 The only thing noncanonical in my store is Snoopy 197 00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:50,613 dressed as Sgt. Rock for an ill-timed Vietnam war ad. 198 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:54,200 I see. Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you. 199 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,327 Yes, don't let the door hit you on the way out. 200 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,329 No, seriously. It's just been painted. 201 00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:01,374 Oh. That's what being nice gets you. 202 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:06,712 Mom, Dad, I think I found the answer on the Internet. 203 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,131 Lisa, nothing good ever comes from YouTube. 204 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,051 Except ducks eating watermelon. 205 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:20,226 No, no. Sentencing mitigation videos. 206 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,270 People have had their jail terms reduced, 207 00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,480 or even gotten off death row 208 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,567 by producing slick video appeals to the judge. 209 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,779 Finally, a way for rich people to bend the system their way. 210 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,739 Mr. Burns got off the hook once 211 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,451 by using a video directed by Guillermo del Toro. 212 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,913 Hello, I am, uh, film director Guillermo del Toro. 213 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:45,084 Uh, when I was a young boy, I fell in love with monsters. 214 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,421 Frankenstein's monster, King Kong, Son of Kong, 215 00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,881 Nosferatu, Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, 216 00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,633 Godzilla's nephew Godzooky, 217 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:54,302 Mothra the caterpillar, Mothra the moth, 218 00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,137 the Blob from The Blob... 219 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,764 and Godzilla's cousin, Sheldon Godzilla. 220 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:01,350 Lesser known but equally horrifying. 221 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,770 Monsters, yes. But they are capable of love. 222 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,523 Which brings us to Montgomery Burns. 223 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,108 Oh, hello. 224 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,693 Did someone mention me? 225 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,154 DEL TORO: From birth, he was not wanted. 226 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,450 Then came the real monsters: 227 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:20,536 the bullies that hated him just because he was wealthy. 228 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,622 And maybe he rubbed it in a little. 229 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,755 But no one knows the real Mr. Burns. 230 00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:44,894 I love Señor Burns. 231 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,395 Who are you? 232 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,606 He combines the ancient evil of Cthulhu 233 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,983 with the trim physique of Slender Man. 234 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,944 Señor Burns demonstrates that in all so-called monsters 235 00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,155 beats a heart. Thank you for listening. 236 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,490 And thank you, Georgia Film Commission, 237 00:10:57,573 --> 00:10:59,075 for the 22% discount. 238 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,410 I'll see you wherever free people congregate. 239 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,287 Like the Yale Club. 240 00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:06,499 (orchestral fanfare) 241 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:12,254 Wow. Maybe I've been all wrong about evil. 242 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:15,424 Once again, Mr. del Toro stripped away the darkness 243 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,468 and found beauty at its core. 244 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:19,679 Like that fish-snuggling movie. 245 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,390 Excuse me. 246 00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:24,100 (coughs) 247 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,977 Ah... you told me you've never been to Missouri. 248 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,480 You're right, honey. Hollywood can solve anything. 249 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,024 Except its own lack of creativity and diversity. 250 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,734 Now, how do we make this thing? 251 00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,112 I think we should use a videographer. 252 00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:37,863 There's one left in town. 253 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:42,201 I will do anything for your wedding video. 254 00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:46,288 Color, black and white, or Polaroid Swinger, cha cha cha. 255 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,833 I got to warn you, my camera hand is shaky 256 00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:51,961 because I have a major vitamin E deficiency. 257 00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,005 No problemo. It works fine if you just 258 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,298 nod your head like this... 259 00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,384 (warbling) 260 00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,723 You know, we could just do it ourselves. 261 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:07,685 Yeah. Those are the words that are killing my profession. 262 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:10,312 Now you say nice things about me. 263 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,689 So what is it you're looking for? 264 00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,191 Words or something? Uh, human words? 265 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:17,903 Okay, uh, Homer Simpson, uh, well, real family man. 266 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,156 Yeah. Always brings his kids into the bar. 267 00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,992 Not one of them aristocrats who gets all bent out of shape 268 00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,660 when there's a mouse in his beer. 269 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,413 Hey, Moe. I need you to file a serial number off a wheelchair. 270 00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,581 HOMER: Cut! 271 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:31,125 Hmm... Homer Simpson? How can I put this? 272 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:35,045 Ah, we've never had an employee get rehired so many times. 273 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,215 Homer Simpson has two children enrolled in our school. 274 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,384 That's all I'm comfortable saying. 275 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,804 All right, let's see what you got. 276 00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,015 I had to edit a little. 277 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:49,018 Homer Simpson. Family man. 278 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,686 Happy. Aristocrat. 279 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,229 Too. Cool. Comfortable. 280 00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,648 Homer is a... grace to the family. 281 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,692 He is an ape...le father. 282 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,236 I warned Marge... marry him. 283 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,615 That's the best you can do? I'm screwed. 284 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:05,451 Not while I can use Final Cut Pro. 285 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,994 We'll start from scratch. 286 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,955 Using the only two things people still believe in: 287 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,582 babies and dogs. 288 00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:12,708 (Snowball II meows sadly) 289 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,419 Sorry, Snowball, cats are polarizing. 290 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,588 (meows sympathetically) 291 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,007 (sighs) Please... 292 00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:23,511 just give us something we can use. 293 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,724 We're ready. 294 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,143 Oh, now the dog won't cooperate. 295 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:34,021 There's a trick that always works with Kevin James. 296 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,150 (panting) 297 00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:43,572 ♪ I think I'll color this man father... ♪ 298 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,699 MARGE: He's a guy who gets off at 5:00 299 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:48,786 and comes directly home to be with his kids. 300 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,455 ♪ Said I'm gonna color him father ♪ 301 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,207 ♪ Color him father... ♪ 302 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,252 He's incredibly generous to his friends and neighbors. 303 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:02,258 In his spare time, he loves PTA meetings. 304 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,510 Helping with the Cub Scouts. 305 00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:07,096 Or just going to the movies. 306 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,098 This is Maggie, our baby. 307 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,767 And she understands what's going on. 308 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:15,187 She's never said a word, but I get the feeling 309 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,190 she wants to say something now. 310 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:21,026 Nee... Da... dy. 311 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,612 What a man. 312 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,782 And now we pray. 313 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,534 Bless us, O Lord, for this bountiful feast... 314 00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:30,077 Not that prayer. 315 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,079 I must say, I am impressed. 316 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:35,040 So, unless the prosecution has a rebuttal, I'm inclined to... 317 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,334 Not... so... fast. 318 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,961 Do you have a video, too? 319 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,963 No, that would be pretentious. 320 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,842 -Very well, then. -I have a speech. 321 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,887 -(somber music playing) -Comic book sales is a very fragile field. 322 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,806 Kids hate to read, the stores smell like farts 323 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,226 -and bubble gum... -(murmuring in agreement) 324 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,980 Then the things I cherish most-- my father's car, 325 00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,983 my precious, precious comic, and most important, 326 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:03,569 my dignity-- were taken from me. 327 00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:07,156 I'm just your ordinary small businessman. 328 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,783 Never took anything from anyone. 329 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:14,330 But I did dare to think I would be treated with respect. 330 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,791 I have so many fictional heroes, Your Honor. 331 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:21,378 For once, please give me a real one. 332 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,757 (grunts) 333 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,009 Best. Courtroom speech. Ever. 334 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:28,010 Yes! 335 00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:30,137 I will render my sentence tomorrow. 336 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,847 I thank you. Good night. 337 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,098 Boom. 338 00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,934 Wait, wait, wait. Do you want to go to a movie? 339 00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,685 I'll go to a movie with you, Judge. 340 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,355 -You won't be available. -Oh. 341 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,402 Dad, the computer says... 342 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,905 That computer has brought me nothing but trouble 343 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,449 and sports scores while I'm at church! 344 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,326 A store in Ogdenville just put up 345 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,828 the same Radioactive Man comic that we destroyed 346 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,789 in perfect condition. 347 00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,707 It's my last hope at freedom. 348 00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,627 I mean, how much could an old comic cost? 349 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,712 (whispering) 350 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,687 (whispering) 351 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,441 -Are you done? -No. 352 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:27,361 (whispering) 353 00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,029 (tires screech) 354 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:41,208 You can't be closed. It's Tuesday at 4:30! 355 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:46,046 Do you not see the "closed" sign written in Wakandan? 356 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,091 And I wasted high school learning German. 357 00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:51,218 Was fur eine Schande! 358 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:55,347 Well, German is Earth's closest language to Klingon. 359 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,640 Come on in. 360 00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:06,942 (all gasp) 361 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:16,952 What do you want? 362 00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,704 I'm extremely busy. 363 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,126 Mm-hmm. 364 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,420 I want to talk to you. 365 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:29,715 I see we have reached the epilogue of our little drama. 366 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:33,761 (screams) No, not the epilogue. Still plot. Still plot! 367 00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,554 Look, I know we've had our differences, 368 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,181 but we can still be friends. 369 00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:39,808 Like when Superman teamed up with Lex Luthor. 370 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,312 That was an imaginary story written by Harlan Ellison 371 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:44,897 because he wanted to get fired. 372 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,650 Well, maybe this will tickle your ponytail. 373 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,152 -(boing) -(gasps) 374 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,781 The Ogdenville copy! It lives! 375 00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:54,782 Am I forgiven? 376 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,158 I'm afraid not. No. 377 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:59,161 I don't have a choice. The grudge is still inside me. 378 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:02,873 Which is also the name of a low-budget Roger Corman movie. 379 00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:04,625 Oh! What does it take? 380 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,710 How to explain what I am feeling. 381 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:09,463 Uh...look around. What do you see? 382 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:12,049 Uh... a bunch of stuff that other people threw out? 383 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,051 Like a mirror, you see everything 384 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,470 but understand nothing. Get out. 385 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,972 (sighs) Let's go. 386 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,307 Oh, my God! Oh! 387 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:23,811 Is that a season one Welcome Back, Kotter key chain? 388 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,772 It is! The proof... 389 00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:29,441 a John Travolta who is happy to be there! 390 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,069 How did you get this? 391 00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,946 (applause on TV) 392 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,907 Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Max? 393 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,450 He was the halfback in the family. 394 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,494 If you gave him a sandwich, you got half back. 395 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,830 (all laughing) 396 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,123 (giggling) 397 00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,457 This is for you, son. 398 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,000 Don't say I never gave you nothing. 399 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,002 Are you gonna give me anything else? 400 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,295 Nope. One thing. 401 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:54,758 Homer, when you look at your precious totem there, 402 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,343 how does it make you feel? 403 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,053 Never thought of it before. 404 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,304 I touch it all the time. 405 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:01,431 I feel unhappy if I don't have it. 406 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,225 Sometimes I dream about it. 407 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,519 (gasps) I think I love it! 408 00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:08,647 Well put. Now understand this. 409 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,023 Dah! 410 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,943 That is how you made me feel! 411 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,778 (whooshes) 412 00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:16,155 Now you see. 413 00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:18,240 And you may consider the charges dropped. 414 00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:20,742 Let us shake hands, drink rice wine, 415 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:22,202 and enjoy Swedish Fish candy. 416 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,454 Are you saying I'm off the hook? 417 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,415 Yes. In fact, you may be surprised, 418 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,417 but you are now my best friend. 419 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,252 So I'm not going to prison? 420 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,546 No, you are going to Comic-Con with me. 421 00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:34,089 Oh. Hmm. 422 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,883 Let me see, let me see. 423 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:37,676 Dad, just say yes. 424 00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:41,138 Is prison still an option? 425 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,849 No. Not until you hold down Harrison Ford 426 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,893 while I clip off his fingernails. 427 00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,769 -Let's get to it. -(groans) 428 00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,358 (snoring) 429 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,322 -What's this? -Mitigation video. 430 00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:02,701 When I first met Bart, I was just a nerdy kid with glasses. 431 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:04,953 But now this blue-haired butterfly's 432 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,706 ready to emerge from his pupa! 433 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:10,167 (sighs) Simpson, you think this is helping you? 434 00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,085 (Bart laughing) 435 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,588 Skinner's a jerk. Skinner's a jerk. 436 00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:17,132 Skinner's a jerk. Skinner's a jerk. 437 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,592 Skinner's a jerk. 438 00:20:18,675 --> 00:20:19,885 Skinner's a jerk. 439 00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:21,303 Skinner's a jerk. 440 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:23,388 ♪ ♪ 441 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:06,098 Shh! 442 00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,978 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH