1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,436 Scientists have determined that the secret to a long life 3 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,563 is to drink lots of coffee... 4 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,398 or no coffee at all. 5 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,233 Now, it's time to kill time with 6 00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:27,068 "This Day in Springfield History." 7 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,612 1906: We become the first flyover state 8 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,448 when the Wright Brothers ignore us 9 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,825 on a voyage from Ohio to Kentucky. 10 00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:36,828 1945: Peace breaks out 11 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,414 and Montgomery Burns fires his female employees. 12 00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:43,918 1961: As the rest of America rockets into the new frontier, 13 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:47,255 Springfield unveils a fleet of school busses. 14 00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:51,468 These buses are bursting with American technology. 15 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,679 Grooved rubber mats, and an emergency door 16 00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,766 that any child could accidentally open 17 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,602 and fall 15 feet to the street. 18 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,604 (crowd cheering) 19 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,689 ♪ ♪ 20 00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,111 (excited chatter) 21 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,780 Lis, wish me luck. I'm going for 22 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,865 the lunch-boxing middleweight title. 23 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,533 (sighs) What does it matter? 24 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,660 You'll never unify the belts. 25 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,454 (all grunting) 26 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,790 Okay, champ, remember your game plan: 27 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:26,086 lead with your Krusty, then jab-jab-jab with my Eeyore. 28 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:30,757 Work the vest and the head will die. 29 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,219 -(bell clangs) -(cheering) 30 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,558 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,480 ♪ Each day this bus ♪ 32 00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:47,816 ♪ Is home to chaos ♪ 33 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:50,985 ♪ That little boy is mooning me ♪ 34 00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,821 ♪ This ride's a living hell ♪ 35 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:54,489 ♪ Right to the morning bell ♪ 36 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:57,909 ♪ Please tell me that that puddle isn't pee ♪ 37 00:01:57,992 --> 00:02:00,161 I'm taking care of this goldfish. 38 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:01,913 ♪ All I would ask ♪ 39 00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:03,998 ♪ Is just one friend to ride with ♪ 40 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,835 ♪ And please not Milhouse or Kearney ♪ 41 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,170 Don't drag me into your lonely song. 42 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,047 ♪ Another girl who's smart ♪ 43 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,007 ♪ With kindness in her heart ♪ 44 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:16,010 ♪ Someone who's just exactly just like... ♪ 45 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,096 She? 46 00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:28,022 Do we always have to have the TV on during dinner? 47 00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,066 This is a special night, sweetie. 48 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,943 We've all been waiting for... 49 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,739 HOMER/MARGE/BART: Beast Blaster! 50 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:40,034 Welcome back to the U.S. Ninja Ultimate Beast Blaster, 51 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:43,705 where U.S. ninjas fight to become the ultimate beast. 52 00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,790 By defeating the ultimate beast, 53 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:50,128 an obstacle course we call "The Ultimate Monster." 54 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:53,548 Well, I saw a cool girl from the bus today. 55 00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,383 It's weird-- I don't know her, 56 00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:57,427 but I feel like we could be friends. 57 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,970 Yeah, you're right, I think Marcus 58 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,889 is gonna take it all this year. 59 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,057 Mm-hmm. He's got the best narrative. 60 00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:06,311 He's doing it for his buddies at MacDill Air Force Base. 61 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:09,480 -MacDill! -(sighs) 62 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,399 This is your fifth attempt to slay the monster. 63 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,984 Can you give us the thoughts 64 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,444 that are going through your mind? 65 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,654 (shrieking) 66 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,907 Hmm. Isn't the first rule of ninja 67 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,617 to be silent and invisible? 68 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,244 Shh. Watching other people live full lives 69 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,330 is our family activity. 70 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:29,250 That girl I saw out the bus window was playing the clarinet. 71 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,919 The clarinet. 72 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:33,755 The saxophone's cool black friend. Yeah-- 73 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,423 Oh, my God, what a fail! 74 00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:37,091 (groaning) 75 00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:39,093 (sighing) 76 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,095 (yelling) 77 00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,680 HOMER/MARGE/BART: Ooh! 78 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:45,099 I never gave up, and I taught my kids 79 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,435 to follow their dreams. 80 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,562 Oh, no. Daddy can't hug anymore. No-no-no. 81 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,609 Don't look up. This bus is too depressing. 82 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:57,862 Backpack attack! 83 00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:04,786 Ugh. It smells like Milhouse's back. 84 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,997 Lisa knows what my back smells like. 85 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,791 Hamster volleyball. (grunts) 86 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:11,542 (hamster squeaking) 87 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,795 You lose. Lisa counts as floor. 88 00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:16,047 That's it. There's gotta be a better place. 89 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,633 Otto. Stop the bus. I want to get off. 90 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,802 You're the boss. 91 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,804 Can we get some ice cream? 92 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,973 I'm not that crazy. Yogurt. 93 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,975 (cheering) 94 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,811 Oh, my God. I'm in that other girl's neighborhood. 95 00:04:29,894 --> 00:04:33,481 Without the baggage of being Lisa Simpson. 96 00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,900 BART: Yo. Sis-boom-blah. Little help? 97 00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:37,527 Go. Go live. 98 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,821 Go love. Multiply. 99 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,406 (hawk screeches) 100 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,491 ♪ ♪ 101 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,915 Look at all these boutiques. 102 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,583 I've never been in a neighborhood 103 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,170 where the parking lots were behind the stores. 104 00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,840 (gasps) This is her house. 105 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,925 (girl crying) 106 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,845 (groans softly) 107 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:06,014 (doorbell rings) 108 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:09,851 Hello? Hello? 109 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:13,438 -♪ ♪ -Huh? Hmm. 110 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,608 Oh. Ooh. 111 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,444 (gasps): Whoa. 112 00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:22,363 Hello? It's me, the girl on the bus! 113 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:27,201 Um, I'm moving past the tasteful craftsman fixtures, 114 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,538 the eco-conscious lighting that turns on when I enter 115 00:05:30,621 --> 00:05:32,749 and turns off when I leave. 116 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,584 And now the jade tree, 117 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:37,045 which I'm watering just a little. 118 00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,797 GIRL (crying): Oh, no. 119 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,218 (crying) 120 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:46,554 Hi, don't be afraid. I'm Lisa. 121 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,264 I saw you from my school bus. 122 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,266 At least, I think it was you. 123 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,978 (imitates bus rumbling, tires squealing) 124 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,564 -Why were you crying? -Because I just read 125 00:05:56,647 --> 00:06:01,319 the Pacific garbage patch grew to 600,000 square miles. 126 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,571 -(gasps) -So then I put on "The Dolphin" 127 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,239 by Stan Getz to cheer up. 128 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:08,743 But it was so beautiful I cried even more. 129 00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:11,746 You are just like the friend I've described 130 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,915 to so many wishing wells. 131 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,751 By the way, I play the saxophone. 132 00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:19,754 Here. Take one. 133 00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:22,382 (playing "The Dolphin") 134 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:28,429 Wait a minute-- this is gonna end badly, isn't it? 135 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,431 That's just what I was thinking. 136 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,433 We have so much in common. 137 00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,435 ♪ ♪ 138 00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:41,025 So what do you do, Mrs. Monroe? 139 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,735 I'm a marine biologist. 140 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,029 I was in an improv group and asked the audience 141 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,199 for an occupation, and I just fell in love with the work. 142 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:51,369 I yes-and-ed myself into a career. 143 00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:53,037 More seitan gumbo, Lisa? 144 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,872 The rice is conflict-free. 145 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,208 Yes. It's not to die for. 146 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:59,085 (both laugh) 147 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,380 Oh, your mother keeps a journal of what you say? 148 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,049 She'll wear these pearls forever. 149 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,884 Oh, that's good. 150 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,720 (sighs): Oh... 151 00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:14,058 ♪ Some others I've seen ♪ 152 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:18,146 ♪ Might never be mean ♪ 153 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,398 BOTH: ♪ Might never be cross ♪ 154 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,316 ♪ Or try to be boss ♪ 155 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,235 ♪ But they wouldn't do ♪ 156 00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,279 (phone vibrates) 157 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,739 ♪ For nobody else ♪ 158 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,908 ♪ Gave me a thrill ♪ 159 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,618 ♪ With all your faults ♪ 160 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:34,162 ♪ I love you still ♪ 161 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,456 BOTH: ♪ It had to be you ♪ 162 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,458 ♪ Wonderful you ♪ 163 00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:40,585 ♪ It had to be you. ♪ 164 00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,670 ♪ ♪ 165 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,508 BOTH: Mmm. 166 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,052 -I love you. -I love you. 167 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:55,308 You do not say "suck" at the dinner table! 168 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,351 But veggie loaf does suck. 169 00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,604 It sucks a whole truck full of butts. 170 00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:01,439 You leave trucks out of this. 171 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,107 Just eat your loafs. 172 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,109 How was dinner with your friend, honey? 173 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,944 Suck, suck, suckity, suck, suckity, suck. 174 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,030 -It's, uh, a little different, I'd say. -Suck, suck, suck, suck. 175 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:10,656 -Not better. Just different. -Suck, suck, suck, suck... 176 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,158 Can I ask a question? 177 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,118 Shh. I want to see this. 178 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,622 Dina and Lucas have never met each other, 179 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,624 but by the time this roller coaster 180 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,668 goes down this final hill, they'll be married. 181 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,963 So, what do you do for fun? 182 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:29,634 LUCAS: I'm making a hammock of human hair! 183 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:30,718 Boy, pass the salt. 184 00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:31,886 Coming right up. 185 00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:34,138 -Oh! -(laughs) 186 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,556 You did that on purpose. 187 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,475 Well, I'm not giving you the satisfaction. 188 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:38,893 Excuse me, I have a question. 189 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,186 Not now! 190 00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,146 LUCAS: I like your hair! 191 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,981 DINA: Ah, get me out of here. 192 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,318 (Lisa groans) 193 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,988 Oh, this is so good. Mmm. Oh, just the way I like it. 194 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,366 Mmm. Salty. So salty. 195 00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:55,368 (Grampa's voice): Aging rapidly. 196 00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,161 Where's Charlie Rose? 197 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,413 (grumbling indistinctly) 198 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,415 (laughing) 199 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:03,376 Please, one simple question. 200 00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,002 What is it?! 201 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,005 Why do we have to eat dinner together every night? 202 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:11,509 Because it's good for the damn family. 203 00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:14,512 Now, Lisa, I know you're a vegetarian. 204 00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:17,390 Do you mind if we eat this in front of you? 205 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,059 Oh, no. No. Not at all. 206 00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:22,520 And the fact that you would even ask how I felt-- 207 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:25,189 I don't need dessert, because you being considerate 208 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:27,191 is sweet enough. 209 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:31,028 -Well put. -So well put. 210 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:35,032 Judging from you, I'm sure your family is just as delightful 211 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:38,286 and rinfrescante come la brezza del lago di Como. 212 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:42,206 (giggling): Yes, my family. 213 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:45,042 I try not to brag about them. 214 00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,794 More coconut water, please. 215 00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:54,218 Such a shame that we'll never, ever meet them. 216 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:57,138 -How come? -We're going to be moving soon. 217 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,056 My research grant came through. 218 00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:01,058 Sam's father studies the harmful effects 219 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,102 of family relocation on children. 220 00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:05,229 Takes me all over the world. 221 00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,481 So I guess you'll never meet my parents. 222 00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,401 So we'll only know them through what you say right now. 223 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:11,944 Right. Now. 224 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,072 Well, my father... 225 00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:17,783 works with his hands. He's a sculptor. 226 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:18,909 And your mother? 227 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:22,079 Mother is a chemist. 228 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,582 And I have a sister, too. 229 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:28,753 She's a professor of non-linguistic communication. 230 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,589 Has a high chair. 231 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,841 Fascinating. Do you have any brothers? 232 00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,636 Nope. 233 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:37,928 MAN (over radio): My point is, 234 00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,597 there are many scientists who have questions 235 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,307 -about global warming. -TERRY: Well, that's 236 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,309 an interesting perspective, Congressman. 237 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:47,188 Ooh. You can tell Terry Gross is really mad at this guy. 238 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:50,941 Oh-oh-oh-oh, you can just let me off right here. 239 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,194 No, no, no. We'll go right to your house. 240 00:10:53,277 --> 00:10:54,862 Maybe I can meet your father. 241 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,155 Ah, you sure can. 242 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,823 Hey, there he is! 243 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,450 Hi-diddly-ho! 244 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:00,951 Daddy! 245 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,787 (whispers): Just go with it. 246 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:04,664 God bless you and, as I like to say, 247 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,123 a hearty woo-hoo! 248 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,626 Well, God bless you, Mr. Simpson. 249 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:13,631 I hate stupid Flanders! 250 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,216 Annoyed grunt, annoyed grunt! 251 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:16,801 (whispers): Thank you. 252 00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,637 (imitating Homer): Mmm... deception. 253 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,846 (rings doorbell) 254 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,640 I got you a goodbye present. 255 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,809 I'm really good at goodbye presents. 256 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:27,311 Ordered this the day I met you. 257 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:30,231 Well, I got you a Rubik's Cube. Solve it. 258 00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,316 (mumbling softly) 259 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,527 (gasps) What?! 260 00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,986 My government grant was rescinded 261 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,864 to pay for an exit latch on a new fighter plane. 262 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,826 The good news is, now we can meet your wonderful mother. 263 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:45,621 Oh. That is exactly what you could do... 264 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,748 ♪ ♪ 265 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:50,835 ...if I wasn't here to tell you 266 00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:54,088 my parents are going to Portugal. 267 00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:56,966 -(gasps) Oh! We love Portugal! -(frustrated grunt) 268 00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:00,094 Let me call them with our top ten pastelaria! 269 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:02,763 I mean, Portugal is their layover 270 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,182 when they connect to... 271 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:08,394 ...Lithuania! 272 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,062 Have you been to Lithuania? 273 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,940 No. And it is quite a sore spot. 274 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,067 Lisa, I'll miss you. 275 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,694 Oh, no, I'm not going with them. 276 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,946 I'm staying with my... grandfather. 277 00:12:19,029 --> 00:12:20,614 That sounds right. 278 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,534 -Why don't you stay with us? -Stay with your family? 279 00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,870 In this home full of art and culture 280 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:27,872 and you got a miniature horse? 281 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:30,541 It's a rare breed that gets cuter as it ages. 282 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:32,209 Aw, oh... 283 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,462 So, what do you say? 284 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,714 LISA: Okay, that's it. I've been piling lie upon lie 285 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,132 like a bad French farce. 286 00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:39,967 (French accent): So what is one more? 287 00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,136 (French chuckle): Wah, wah, waah. 288 00:12:42,219 --> 00:12:44,680 ♪ ♪ 289 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,766 Okay, I will come over here 290 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,643 every night at 7:30 after my... 291 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:52,354 swimming lessons. 292 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:56,066 But also, I have to leave at 6:30 every morning for my... 293 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,778 morning swimming lessons. 294 00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,070 You're a swimmer, Lisa. 295 00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:03,032 We would never presume to question your schedule. 296 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,659 ♪ ♪ 297 00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:12,249 ♪ ♪ 298 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,390 How was your swimming lesson? 299 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,392 It went swimmingly! 300 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,769 -(chuckles) -(Lisa humming a tune) 301 00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,146 (hounds snarling) 302 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,232 ♪ ♪ 303 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,533 Wake up, sleepyhead. 304 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,034 (yawns) 305 00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:49,662 Oh. Dressed so fast. 306 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:53,123 Well, when you wear the same thing every day, it's easy. 307 00:13:55,459 --> 00:13:56,377 (snoring) 308 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,962 (gasps) What? Huh? 309 00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,214 You were sleeping like teacher. 310 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,426 Oh, Ralph. I'm deceiving all the people I love, 311 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,555 and it's so exciting. 312 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,766 Lies are like stars-- they always come out. 313 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,602 Oh, my God, that's really profound. 314 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,896 I have five face holes. 315 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,481 One, two, 316 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:21,235 (muffled): three, four, fi... 317 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,237 Good night, Mom. 318 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,489 Good night, honey. 319 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,075 ♪ ♪ 320 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:34,039 Hello, Lisa. 321 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,709 (screams) Sideshow Mom! 322 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:45,301 I can't believe you've been seeing another family. 323 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,677 How did you know? 324 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,220 I found out from Ned. 325 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,389 He feels so guilty about pretending 326 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,808 to be your father, but he can't stop. 327 00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,895 Look at me in sector 7-G! 328 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:58,397 D'oh diddly d'oh! 329 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,774 I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you guys, 330 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,860 I really didn't, but once I started lying, 331 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,361 I just couldn't stop. 332 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,572 It's like an addiction. 333 00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:08,198 (slurping) 334 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,951 I have no idea what that's like. 335 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,289 (slurping) 336 00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,460 Lisa, I understand that this family isn't perfect. 337 00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,295 Your mom has her flaws, 338 00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:24,006 but there are a lot of people who really like her. 339 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,883 Mom's not the problem. 340 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:27,885 (gasps softly) So, it's Maggie. 341 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:29,553 I know she can't speak. 342 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,139 She's just a little S-L-O. 343 00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:35,976 It's all of us, Homer. She's embarrassed by all of us. 344 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,853 No! Not at all! 345 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,981 You said I was a chemist. I'm not a chemist. 346 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:44,109 But you are a chemist-- in the way that you deal 347 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,569 with the household spills and the way... 348 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,904 Oh, spare me. 349 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,531 And just what did you say I was? 350 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,909 I said you never existed. 351 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:53,327 That's the life for me! 352 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,828 I'm not a chemist. 353 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,413 I never even finished college. 354 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,415 I'm just someone who devotes every day 355 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,335 to making your life a little better. 356 00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,170 What are you gonna do to me? 357 00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,880 -I'm gonna make you get up... -Yeah. 358 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,548 -go to the phone... -Okay. 359 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,842 -call up that family... -Oh, God. 360 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,053 and ask them to dinner with us. 361 00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,013 (Lisa whimpers) 362 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:17,601 They said they're free Saturday. 363 00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,436 They'll be here at 7:00. 364 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:24,358 (sobbing): And they asked if they could bring dessert! 365 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,193 Whew, poor kid. 366 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:28,862 Man, you're really teaching her a lesson. 367 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,531 We are teaching her a lesson. 368 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,993 And I appreciate your support. 369 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,369 Come back here! 370 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,288 (whispers): Ask her if we can have pizza tonight. 371 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,374 You can have pizza, but your father 372 00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:42,835 -gets vegetables. -D'oh! 373 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:50,134 How could she be so embarrassed of her own family? 374 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,678 We've got to help Lisa make a good impression. 375 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,347 Stop drinking out of that hose! 376 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,100 Oh, so now drinking out of a hose 377 00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,270 in my own bedroom is embarrassing! 378 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,855 (slurping) 379 00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:05,232 -(grunting) -Homer. Homer? 380 00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,400 -Homer. -Huh? 381 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,402 Homer. I'm giving you a list 382 00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,779 of four things to say at dinner tonight. 383 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,740 Four things. That's it. 384 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,034 HOMER: One, two, three... 385 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,161 (gasps) You're right. 386 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:20,330 At dinner tonight, I don't want you to be somebody you aren't. 387 00:17:20,414 --> 00:17:22,875 I also don't want you to be who you are. 388 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,211 -So just stick to these. -All right. 389 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,213 I completely angry! 390 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,715 That's "agree." 391 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,258 Oh. Much better. 392 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,593 SAM'S FATHER: And that's how 393 00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,262 my family got from Nigeria to London. 394 00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,722 Tell me more about that. 395 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:38,640 I'm sorry, but I-I can't. 396 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,435 I've literally said everything you could say on the topic. 397 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,562 You've made me recall wonderful moments 398 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:45,564 I haven't thought of in years. 399 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:48,942 It's amazing how Homer draws people out. 400 00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,569 I completely angr... 401 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:51,945 a-agree. 402 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,364 You're a fascinating man, Mr. Simpson. 403 00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,700 I get my best ideas in the shower. 404 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,244 Tell me one. I've been doing all the talking. 405 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:01,455 That's really interesting. 406 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:05,667 No, please. I want to know what's in your head. 407 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,795 (dramatic music plays) 408 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:17,638 (snoring) 409 00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:20,891 Uh, you like beer? 410 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:23,435 -I love beer! -(relieved sigh) 411 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,145 Such a lovely family. 412 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,856 We're so glad we got to know you. 413 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,608 Actually, you didn't. 414 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:31,485 I lied about my family. 415 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:34,154 Mom, I'm so sorry I was ashamed. 416 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,865 I feel worse than I've ever felt in my life. 417 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,827 It will haunt the person I become forever. 418 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,287 Aw, honey, I'm just as bad as you. 419 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,832 I coached your father and brother on how to act 420 00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,667 to get through this dinner. 421 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,294 I've actually misled you myself. 422 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,296 I said I'm from Nigeria. 423 00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,590 In truth, I moved there when I was two. 424 00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:55,342 I'm from Cameroon. 425 00:18:55,425 --> 00:18:58,220 Didn't you wonder why the man I told you was my father 426 00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,680 didn't look like him? 427 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,807 I assumed he had lost all his hair 428 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,143 and put on an obscene amount of weight. 429 00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:06,812 Well, it's really hard running your own business. 430 00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:09,148 You don't run your own business. 431 00:19:09,231 --> 00:19:11,567 I'm starting a new farce. 432 00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,905 Wow, honesty really kills a party. 433 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,241 What do you say we all go kick it in my new room? 434 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,827 -When did you get a new room? -While everyone was focused 435 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,745 on Lisa, I did a little remodel. 436 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,123 I didn't pull permits, but it's up to code. 437 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,252 (dance music playing) 438 00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,837 Boy, why did you do this? 439 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,505 Where are you gonna sleep? 440 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,592 Eh, sleep's for farmers. I wanted a place to chill. 441 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:37,843 Oh, I get it. 442 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,428 Totally get it. 443 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,680 So, that's two more beers. 444 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,266 And... (clicks tongue) what were you drinking there, Cheryl? 445 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:46,351 (chuckling) 446 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,729 Cranapple martini. 447 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,689 My first happy ending! 448 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,192 "I completely agree." 449 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,360 I love you, Mom! 450 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,362 I love you, Sam. 451 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,198 I love you, Bart. 452 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,574 And I love you, 453 00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:01,867 room. 454 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,626 Disco Stu, always pitchin' woo. 455 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,377 Ferocious, Drederick. 456 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,087 You and the cheetah. 457 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:16,173 (indistinct chatter) 458 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,386 Let me in. I need to talk to the boy! 459 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,389 -This has gotten out of hand! -Not on the list. 460 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:27,392 Aw, come on, man, I know him. We hang out all the time. 461 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,560 Sure you do. 462 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,562 You can come in, sweetheart. 463 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,689 I'll take care of this, Homie. 464 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:39,071 Move along, sir. You're blocking the fire escape. 465 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,906 Oh...! 466 00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:43,742 ♪ ♪ 467 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:31,164 Shh! 468 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH