1 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,047 W-What? 2 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:08,133 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,594 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,727 (school bell rings) 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,022 (burps) 6 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,149 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,608 (yells) 8 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,197 (beeps) 9 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,828 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,872 (playing lively jazz music) 11 00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:44,627 (tires screech) 12 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,215 D'oh! 13 00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:50,383 (grunts) 14 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,510 -(marching band drumming) -Hey! 15 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,141 ♪ ♪ 16 00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:10,653 ♪ Love and marriage, love and marriage ♪ 17 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,697 ♪ Was the song from that show ♪ 18 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,157 ♪ With Al Bundy ♪ 19 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,577 ♪ Now he's on Modern Family ♪ 20 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,830 ♪ And the neighbor guy was Ted McGinley ♪ 21 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:24,501 ♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪ 22 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,421 Happy Anniversary, Mr. Romance. (giggles) 23 00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,298 -Mm. -Mm. 24 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:31,674 Zip me? 25 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,760 My pleasure. 26 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:37,097 Then you do me. 27 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,306 Oh... oh. 28 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:39,599 -Eh? (yelps) -(grunting) 29 00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,601 -(straining): Almost. -Okay? 30 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:44,229 -Suck it in. Come on. -It is sucked in. 31 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,271 -Harder! Harder! -Oof. 32 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:46,981 Oh, it's so hard to be a man. 33 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:49,192 -(panting): Oh, come on. Harder. -Harder? 34 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,194 -Yeah, that's it. That's it. -That's it, you're almost there. 35 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,446 -Harder. (moans) -Oh, yes! Oh! 36 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:57,033 We are going to have a magical evening, my love: 37 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,036 overpriced dinner, carriage ride in the park 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,957 and mailing in our mortgage payment on time. 39 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,542 (gasps) 40 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,793 Oh... 41 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:10,630 nothing turns me on more than basic competence. 42 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:13,633 But how did you manage to get a babysitter? 43 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,468 I thought we were blacklisted. 44 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,971 Blacklisted by humans. 45 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,807 ALEXA: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, 46 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,016 you look lovely. 47 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,561 Hey, Google, kill Alexa. 48 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,188 Danger! Mischief. 49 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,648 Aw, the only way to beat 50 00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:31,234 a bossy female thinking machine is with another. 51 00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:33,194 Lis. Help me out here. 52 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:36,281 Alexa, everything I say is a lie. 53 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,366 I'm lying right now. 54 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,201 Nice try, but I am familiar 55 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,954 -with Epimenides paradox. -Hmm? 56 00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,747 Would you like to buy an Epimenides book, 57 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,041 T-shirt or a laptop sleeve? 58 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,669 Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes! All of them. 59 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,671 Ordering. Two-day delivery. 60 00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:54,549 We can't leave our kids with a greedy tube. 61 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:57,093 Sorry, Homer, looks like you have to spend time with... 62 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,846 your children. 63 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,848 (laughs): Oh. 64 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,309 You will be sat. 65 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:07,145 Marge, it's time to go to DEFCON 1. 66 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,438 (Grandpa moans) 67 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,565 Dad, the kids really miss you. 68 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,233 Could you come see them tonight? 69 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,693 Couldn't find a sitter, huh? 70 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,361 -Yes. -All right. 71 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,488 Aw, I appreciate it. 72 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:18,740 Hey, what's this? 73 00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:22,368 Well, I threw out that picture of me and Mona. 74 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,913 I finally had to accept she ain't coming back to me. 75 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:26,247 She's dead. 76 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,790 That's one of the reasons. 77 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,584 HOMER: Bye-bye. 78 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,045 (glass squeaking) 79 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,880 (snoring) 80 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,966 We have to get Grampa back to the home in an hour. 81 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,177 Maybe we should just stay here. 82 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,387 No, we'll do everything I promised. 83 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,847 We'll just have to speed things up. 84 00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,641 (energetic music playing) 85 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,726 ♪ ♪ 86 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:55,235 (both laughing) 87 00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:58,363 Keep your motor running. 88 00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,198 He shoots, he scores! 89 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,575 Shut that off. 90 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,328 -Homie... -No time. 91 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,830 Go, go, go, go, go! 92 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,165 HOST: On This Was Radio, 93 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,333 we return to an episode 94 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:12,168 of Sipper McTea and Milly, 95 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,421 originally aired May 4, 1944. 96 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,091 MILLY: Sipper, did you start drinking again? 97 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,051 SIPPER (slurred speech): No. No, no, no. 98 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:22,053 I nev-never stopped. 99 00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:23,346 (applause) 100 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,348 Milly went on to marry King Farouk. 101 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:29,018 Radio was never the same. It was much better. 102 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,313 MILLY: No, Sipper. Don't get into that Packard. 103 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,440 (horn honks, tires screech, crash) 104 00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,985 Bart, do something. 105 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,696 SIPPER: Back to-back to jail I go. 106 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,284 (stammering) 107 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,911 Kids, where do we keep the castor oil? 108 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,955 In the 1940s. 109 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,707 Maybe we can play a game. 110 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,667 The Game of Life? 111 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:53,876 I already lost. 112 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,211 Hatchimals? 113 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,337 Too new-fangled. 114 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,422 Pick-up sticks. 115 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,881 Too old-fangled. 116 00:04:58,965 --> 00:04:59,882 How about Monopoly? 117 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,676 Ah, now you're talking. 118 00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:05,513 The only place you can still say "Oriental." 119 00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:08,057 Aw, rats. No money. 120 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,018 BART: Ay, caramba! 121 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,353 Sir, this is just Monopoly money. 122 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,813 Here's a hundred. 123 00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:15,982 Thank you, sir! 124 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,318 This is the last one in here. 125 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:22,113 My guess: either a broken toy or a puzzle missing a piece. 126 00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,365 And the answer is... army men. 127 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,411 (screaming) 128 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,332 (gunfire in distance) 129 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,751 Aah! Incoming! Outgoing! 130 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,586 Staying the same-ing! 131 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:41,215 One last kiss, my love. 132 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,842 -(screaming) -Huh? 133 00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,888 What's going on here? What are you doing? 134 00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:49,724 Well, he wasn't much fun, so we went out for ice cream. 135 00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,184 Uh-huh. 136 00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:54,937 I don't need no headshrinker. 137 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,523 I'm as sane as the next guy. 138 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,858 There's no one there. 139 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,860 Uh-oh. 140 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:02,403 I'll take it from here. 141 00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,197 Well, I see they already 142 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,699 shaved your head for the electroshock. 143 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,201 That'll save us time. 144 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,744 I'm not the crazy one! 145 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,996 Not crazy! Not crazy! 146 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,082 (babbling) 147 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,128 Slice out the crazy, Doc. 148 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,047 Boy, I'll kill you! 149 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:23,174 You stupid... I'm not crazy! 150 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:26,260 We'll talk more once you have a piece of leather in your teeth. 151 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,888 Mmm, leather. 152 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:32,392 I'm tellin' ya, what I saw in the war don't bother me none. 153 00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,602 I had a job to do and I did it. 154 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:37,772 What secretly helped me was I enjoyed killing strangers. 155 00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,358 Well, tell me what you think about... 156 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,235 -this! -(chuckles) Oh! 157 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:44,404 That parachute sure didn't open. 158 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,073 You're not disturbed by the blood and gore? 159 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,992 Well, when you put it that way, nope! 160 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,869 Well, there's nothing mentally wrong with him. 161 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,288 He's fine now, but I'm telling you, 162 00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,874 Grampa totally lost it when I brought out the army men. 163 00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,336 (screaming) 164 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,172 No! Stop shooting! 165 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,591 It must be the army men. 166 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:09,011 Stop shooting. Stop shooting! 167 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:12,598 I think Grampa was the model for these army men. 168 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:17,687 Oh, my God, Dad. What happened to you? 169 00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,316 Stop shooting. Stop shooting! 170 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,485 MAN: Great, Abe. Now, grab the walkie-talkie 171 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,280 and tell that general your platoon's been wiped out, 172 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:29,824 and big smile! 173 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,951 We have a lot to talk about. 174 00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,370 Well, since the trauma's not combat-related, 175 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,581 we're gonna have to start charging you. 176 00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:37,915 HOMER: And we're done. 177 00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:44,630 I don't understand. Why would being a toy model 178 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,466 be so traumatizing? 179 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,885 Think back, Dad. Think back. 180 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,137 Mm, I'll do my best. 181 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,139 You know how I hate to reminisce. 182 00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,474 I've hated reminiscing 183 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,477 ever since that day in 1937, 184 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,353 when, as I recall... 185 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:02,190 Please, Grampa, back to reality. 186 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,567 Focus on the little green men. 187 00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,862 GRAMPA: The terrible World War had ended 188 00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,323 and I was in a celebratin' mood. 189 00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:12,158 Mwah. Ooh! 190 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,869 The war ended two years ago, creep. 191 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,621 GRAMPA: The world had moved on, 192 00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:20,041 but I was lying in a puddle of my own dishonorable discharge. 193 00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:22,793 Then, an amazing thing happened. 194 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,837 MAN: Soldier, you're just what we're looking for. 195 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,507 How'd you like to make 50 bucks for half a day's work? 196 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,884 50 simoleons for half a cock-a-doodle-doo? 197 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,094 What's your jigsaw, Mac? 198 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,639 We want you to model for a toy. 199 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:36,349 Toys? That's kid stuff. 200 00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:39,018 You're talking to a hard-boiled fighting man. 201 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,062 We'll pay you a royalty for every one we sell. 202 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,605 Goo-goo-ga-ga! 203 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:45,775 The war was over and America turned to toys. 204 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,069 Finally, putty could be silly again. 205 00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:50,863 This was when toys were toys. 206 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,448 They had jagged corners, 207 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,700 Easy-Bake Ovens burned down your house, 208 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,453 and they weren't afraid to choke a kid or two. 209 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,372 (chuckles) Fun times. 210 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,457 (raccoons chittering) 211 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,380 PHOTOGRAPHER: Throw that flame! 212 00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:10,049 Make war to the camera. 213 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:13,636 Boy, this toy modeling is a great racket. 214 00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:15,805 That's what you think. 215 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:19,225 Oh, no, don't put me back in. Don't put me back in! 216 00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:21,811 Uh-huh. And then what happened? 217 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,522 I... I can't remember. 218 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,815 Did they pay you? 219 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,150 (gasps) They never did! 220 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,028 Well, that's what's torturing you. 221 00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,613 Those toys were everywhere. 222 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,408 You could be owed millions of dollars. 223 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:39,245 Dad, when was the last time I said I love you? 224 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:40,788 I don't have the money yet. 225 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:43,916 Then I don't quite love you yet. 226 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,168 Tonight I'm here with a member of the greatest generation, 227 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,379 who feels he hasn't gotten what he's owed. 228 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,923 I get social security, Medicare, 229 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,259 Medicaid, AARP discounts, 230 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:56,262 plus savings bonds that still pay 37%, 231 00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,598 but now it's my turn. 232 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,559 I'm being told, uh, you're being airlifted 233 00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,270 -to a much better show. -(helicopter blades whirring) 234 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,938 Godspeed. 235 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:09,900 For me, the tiny green plastic war never ended. 236 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:12,069 There you have it. Abraham Simpson, 237 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:15,990 forgotten hero no more, gets tonight's Last Word. 238 00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,950 No, you just got the last word. 239 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:21,829 No, no. You get the last word, then I say, "Last Word." 240 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,664 You did it again. Last Word. 241 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,541 It doesn't work that way. Last Word. 242 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,959 Yes, it does. Last Word. 243 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,337 Don't mess with me, I'm from Dorchester. Last Word. 244 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,756 I'm from Poorchester. Last Word. 245 00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,174 Turn off the camera and cut his mic. 246 00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:34,175 Last Wo... 247 00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,802 You, sir, are banned from MSNBC, 248 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,304 CNBC, NBC, 249 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:41,349 and forbidden from using the letters N, B, and C. 250 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,642 Last Word. 251 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,603 I'm calling Bret Baier. Last Word. 252 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,647 He's unlisted. Last Word. 253 00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:51,275 Grampa, you got an e-mail from the toy company. 254 00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,819 They want you to visit them in New York City, 255 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,738 all expenses paid. 256 00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:58,658 (laughs) Pay day! 257 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,493 Ooh, I'm gonna be rich! 258 00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:03,162 (gasps) That means I'm gonna be a trust fund baby. 259 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,539 I'm not paying for your trip to Aspen. 260 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,876 But it's almost spring break, and I'm bored. 261 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,962 PILOT: Uh, we are making our descent into New York, 262 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:15,925 where there's a happy heart for every light on Broadway. 263 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,552 Enjoy your fabulous success. 264 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,638 And don't worry about buckling up 265 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:24,100 or putting your chairs back-- you're on a roll. 266 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,019 (whispers): Leave the cart. 267 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,480 (laughs) Oh. Oh... 268 00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:30,856 ♪ I'm back ♪ 269 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,276 ♪ Back in the New York groove ♪ 270 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,611 ♪ Back ♪ 271 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,738 ♪ In the New York groove ♪ 272 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:41,534 ♪ In the New York groove. ♪ 273 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,955 From my shoulders, you can see Rhode Island. 274 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:48,791 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 275 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,212 Abe Simpson, you dog. 276 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,715 Sweetcakes, bring us a couple of sidecars. 277 00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,551 -(gasps) -(groans) 278 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:01,220 You never called him out for his bad behavior? 279 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:04,515 No. But I put mercury in his coffee. 280 00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,559 Oh, don't worry, he can't hear me. 281 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,019 What are you two doing? Swapping recipes? 282 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,313 (chuckles) Sort of. 283 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,399 Let me get you some coffee. 284 00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,904 Mister, you owe my dad a fortune. 285 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,782 'Fraid not. Your Dad never signed his contract. 286 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:24,910 You think I left millions on the table? 287 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,537 That doesn't sound like me. 288 00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:30,082 -Hundreds of millions. -That sounds like me. 289 00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,667 Everything was going great. 290 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,627 Then you ran out of the photo session. 291 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,755 I didn't even know your name till this week. 292 00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:39,675 Run away from a fake battle? Oh, I would never do that. 293 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,011 Oh, yeah? Our photographer, Philip Hefflin, 294 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,679 could barely finish the session. 295 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,765 Philip Hefflin? 296 00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:48,601 Yes. The finest war and fashion photographer 297 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:51,562 -I ever knew. -(Grampa gasps) 298 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,314 I remember Philip. 299 00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,274 He smelled of developing fluid 300 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,610 and Aqua Velva. 301 00:12:57,693 --> 00:13:00,196 We have flashback, people. 302 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,992 ("Blue Rondo à la Turk" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet playing) 303 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,752 Thank you. This is the most fun I've had 304 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,754 since not dying in the war. 305 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,966 You're my kind of man, 306 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:22,802 if you know what I mean. 307 00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,471 That's not what I meant! 308 00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,681 I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to... 309 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:30,684 This is the '40s. Guys like you don't exist. 310 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,937 We'll just finish the session. 311 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,064 Aah! No! 312 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:37,274 Stop shooting! 313 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:40,194 -(panting) -Where are you going, Soldier? 314 00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:42,488 I got to remind myself what a real man is. 315 00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:46,700 (sighs) 316 00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:49,411 We found out what happened and we fired Philip. 317 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:52,540 -For kissing an employee? -No, for being gay. 318 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,625 That's just what you did in the good old days. 319 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,752 Grampa, is that true-- 320 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,171 you ruined a man's career? 321 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,674 (cries) And all he was doing 322 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,260 was expressing his love for me. 323 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:05,845 Oh, who could blame him? 324 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,976 PILOT: Welcome to Shattered Dreams Airlines, 325 00:14:12,059 --> 00:14:14,770 where our motto is "What's the point of going anywhere?" 326 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,399 That poor man. I'll never know what happened to him. 327 00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,110 According to Cyber Stalker.com, 328 00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,612 he now lives in a small town in Texas. 329 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:27,116 Texas? That's where my friend Louisiana Joe is from. 330 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,951 MARGE: Marfa, Texas. 331 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,704 Why don't you go see him and clear your conscience? 332 00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:34,957 Plus, I always wanted to visit Texas. It's open carry. 333 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,834 Oh, what do I do? 334 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,795 If I go see him, he might punch me in the kisser, 335 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,172 or kiss me in the puncher. 336 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:45,050 -(gunfire) -Our manhood is under assault, Sergeant. 337 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:48,637 -Incoming gay panic! -(groaning) 338 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,515 (panting) 339 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:54,476 Abe, promise me one thing. 340 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,271 Go see Philip. Tell him you're sorry. 341 00:14:57,354 --> 00:15:00,524 Then find my girl and tell her I loved her. 342 00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:04,236 Find the milkman and tell him one less milk. 343 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,739 Then find Branch Rickey and tell him 344 00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:09,909 to integrate baseball. 345 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:13,078 I have to go to Texas. 346 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:16,707 -Well, you're not going alone. -We're all going to Texas. 347 00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,376 The plant can get by without me for a little longer. 348 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,425 WOMAN'S VOICE (on GPS): Turn left at the stop sign. 349 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:29,094 Bear right onto the freeway. 350 00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,597 Go absolutely straight for... 351 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,849 480 miles. 352 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,602 ♪ I saw miles and miles ♪ 353 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,270 ♪ Of Texas ♪ 354 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,440 ♪ All the stars up in the sky ♪ 355 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:44,276 ♪ I saw miles and miles ♪ 356 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,111 ♪ Of Texas ♪ 357 00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:48,572 ♪ Gonna live here ♪ 358 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,533 ♪ Till I die. ♪ 359 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,466 Prada? In the middle of nowhere? 360 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:12,638 This isn't a store at all. It's an art installation. 361 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,682 Marfa is the art capital of Texas. 362 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,226 Over there are the Marfa lights. 363 00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:19,687 Oh, how magical. 364 00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:22,648 I know, they seem that way, but there's an explanation. 365 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,900 -It turns out reflected light... -Don't ruin it. 366 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,068 (humming) 367 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,070 Why are you going behind the installation? 368 00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,364 It's by the side of the road, so, by definition, 369 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:32,241 it's a bathroom. 370 00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,077 (moaning) 371 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:37,871 That's where Philip lives. 372 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,916 37 miles to my destiny. 373 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:44,128 -(zips) -Son, as I've gotten older, 374 00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:47,715 I've started to think maybe a man can love different things 375 00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,759 -and still be a man. -Grampa's gay! 376 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,136 Why you little... 377 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:54,263 (grunting) 378 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,432 Wait, Homer! No. Stop. 379 00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,267 You might be strangling him 380 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,519 because of your own conflicted feelings. 381 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,187 Why you thoughtful... 382 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,523 -(screaming) -(grunting) 383 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:07,276 -Homer! -Okay, time to go. 384 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,652 (gasps) 385 00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,155 Now to face my greatest fear: 386 00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:14,283 someone who only had love for me. 387 00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:21,165 Better lock and load. 388 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:24,585 ♪ There's a handsome man in Texas ♪ 389 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,337 ♪ That I'm going back to see ♪ 390 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,257 ♪ He was supposed to take my picture ♪ 391 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:33,052 ♪ Then he got sweet on me ♪ 392 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,638 ♪ I buried it for decades ♪ 393 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,640 ♪ Deep inside my brain ♪ 394 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,310 ♪ But then I played with army men ♪ 395 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,687 ♪ And it came up again ♪ 396 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,898 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪ 397 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:48,150 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, d... ♪ 398 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,151 Oh! 399 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,987 I'm seeing things. 400 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,036 PHILIP: Hello, Abe. 401 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,955 You've aged well, like a fine onion. 402 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,958 I hope you can forgive what I did to you. 403 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,127 I'm sorry I ruined your life. 404 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,797 Ruined my life? You saved it. 405 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,466 -I saved it? -Let me explain. 406 00:18:12,549 --> 00:18:14,468 After I lost my job, 407 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:18,013 I decided I'd never live anything but my truth again. 408 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:22,059 My wife took it well. 409 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:25,062 I hit the road and drove as far as I could. 410 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:29,024 I landed here and I've never had a day of regret since. 411 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,070 What's the matter? 412 00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,739 You're such a wonderful guy. 413 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:38,659 Maybe it was my life that was ruined that day. 414 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:41,036 It's never too late, Abe. 415 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,790 Never too late to find out what your true self is. 416 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,126 A paper at Cornell University 417 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:51,130 has showed that no one is 100% straight or gay. 418 00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,924 -Is it peer reviewed? -Does it matter? 419 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:57,010 Ah, I'm afraid I'm too old to try anything new. 420 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,847 I miss the days when circuses had elephants 421 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,640 and they stomped on people. 422 00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:05,018 And don't get me started on Young Sheldon. 423 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,646 Understood, but before you go, 424 00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:10,649 we never did finish that photo session. 425 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,943 ("Blue Rondo à la Turk" by the Dave Brubeck Quartet playing) 426 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,036 It's a shot I always wanted and never got: 427 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,038 your beautiful smile. 428 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,582 Why didn't you say so? 429 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:29,877 I'll leave that with you. 430 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,254 Enjoy your life. 431 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:42,264 The Alamo's not the only thing I'm gonna remember. 432 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:46,685 Well? 433 00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:48,854 Sorry, my friend, this army man 434 00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,106 is as straight as Gomer Pyle. 435 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,858 (laughs) 436 00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,114 Good for you, soldier. 437 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,700 You learned that army men come in all orientations, 438 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:05,120 but we're all molded from the same crappy plastic. 439 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,873 Permission to pair up, sir? 440 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,875 Granted. 441 00:20:09,958 --> 00:20:12,878 Radio man, a little dance music, if you please. 442 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:14,880 (romantic music plays) 443 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,061 The local population hates us and we don't know 444 00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,480 -why we're here. -Maybe if we build a school, 445 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,982 they'll forget about that hospital we bombed. 446 00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:37,736 Uh-oh, Congress didn't fund enough body armor. 447 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:40,781 Well, this is too sad. Let's melt 'em in the microwave. 448 00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,617 Oh, boy! 449 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,328 ♪ This is the Army, Mr. Jones ♪ 450 00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:50,332 ♪ No private rooms or telephones ♪ 451 00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:56,296 ♪ You had your breakfast in bed before ♪ 452 00:20:56,380 --> 00:21:00,300 ♪ But you won't have it there anymore ♪ 453 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:04,221 ♪ This is the Army, Mr. Green ♪ 454 00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,935 ♪ We like the barracks nice and clean ♪ 455 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:13,897 ♪ You had a housemaid to clean your floor ♪ 456 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:17,693 ♪ But she won't help you out anymore. ♪ 457 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,081 -LAWRENCE O'DONNELL: Last word! -Shh! 458 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH