1 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,049 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,886 (exclaims) 3 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,019 (school bell rings) 4 00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:22,147 (burps) 5 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,107 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,108 (yells) 7 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,985 (beeps) 8 00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,487 (tires screech) 9 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,322 D'oh! 10 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:33,616 (grunts) 11 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,702 (snoring) 12 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:56,139 Sorry, no room. (snores) 13 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,224 ♪ ♪ 14 00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:08,234 I am a broccoli, I help keep you lean. 15 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:11,237 My head's on a stalk, and my color is... 16 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,199 -(audience member coughs) -is... 17 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,367 (mouths) 18 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,995 Uh, is... uh... 19 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,747 Oh, come on, you little nitwit. 20 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:23,041 It's the color of your costume, for God's sake. 21 00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,375 Purple! 22 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,419 Get off my stage, out of my sight, 23 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,755 -and into your parents' car. -Okay. 24 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:31,007 You'll never work in second grade theater again. 25 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,592 Hooray! 26 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:35,261 -(one person applauding) -Up next, the heartwarming story 27 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:38,348 of the origin of veal. 28 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,522 Hello, friend-o. 29 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,779 No, no! You promised you would cut this scene. 30 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:57,075 No, no, I cut your scene because you were such a noodge. 31 00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,702 -Forget it. Show's over! -Woo-hoo! 32 00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:03,790 Ugh, fine. 33 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:07,293 Can I please get back my after-show cupcakes? 34 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,795 We already ate them. 35 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,880 No! 36 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,049 Oh, I broke the cardinal rule: 37 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,260 never invest in your own production. 38 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,637 But I'm gonna take back my duct tape! 39 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,389 (grunting) 40 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,976 And my bulbs. Ow, ow, ow. Hot, hot, hot. 41 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:26,855 Am I acting? No! 42 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:31,943 (grunting) I'm stuck in my pork chop suit. 43 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,237 I've become everything I hate. 44 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,531 -(grunts softly) -Huh? Oh. 45 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:39,117 Uh, you were the best one, sweetie. 46 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,328 Wha...? I didn't even get to do my line. 47 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,123 Oh, I think I'm gonna cry. 48 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:50,086 (crying): Oh, no. I hate to see a pork chop cry. 49 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,172 (both crying) 50 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:01,181 Ooh! 51 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:06,019 Green! Green. Green. Green! 52 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:09,147 Too late now, boy. Just, uh, play with the siren. 53 00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,609 (siren wails on and off) 54 00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:18,698 76. 82. 79. 55 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,201 Homer, that's the weather. 56 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,286 HOMER: D'oh! 57 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:26,706 Homer, I want you to do something with Lisa. 58 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:28,499 I am. 59 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:31,294 Isn't that right, honey? Oops. 60 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,547 You're not speaking to her or even making eye contact. 61 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,507 Oh, you'd be surprised at the things 62 00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,218 my eyes are in contact with. 63 00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:41,221 Okay. Well, what is she doing right now? 64 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,723 Uh, uh... she's riding her pony? 65 00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,142 Uh, uh... blowing her clarinet? 66 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,728 Ooh, ooh, ooh! Protesting a whale. 67 00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,231 I'm reading To Kill a Mockingbird. 68 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:55,652 Now just remember, it's set in the South a long time ago. 69 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,238 The terrible racism you're reading about 70 00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:01,115 is now everywhere. 71 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,661 We're gonna shop at all the stores you like 72 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,580 that have a chair I can sit in, except the chair store. 73 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,207 I'm not allowed back there. 74 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,377 Kent Brockman here, interviewing three blue-collar men 75 00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,921 who voted for Trump. How do you feel now? 76 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,757 -Please stop interviewing us. -Never. 77 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,008 Here's the store. 78 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,094 Let's get something sweet for my little girl. 79 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,264 Sugar and spice and everything... What the?! 80 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,932 "Twerking Girl"? 81 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,893 "Ho, Sweet Ho"? "Baby's First Thong"? 82 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:31,104 Those are just a few of our high-end brands. 83 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,940 We also have "Call of Booty," "Raggedy Anorexic," 84 00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,943 "The Edge of 13," and, for boys, "Jack the Stripper." 85 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:38,611 HOMER: Oh, for crying out loud. 86 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:42,073 Okay, that's it. I've heard enough and three past that. 87 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:45,285 My daughter is still a sweet little girl. 88 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,913 What the? Oh, come on! 89 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:53,042 My daughter's not a sex object. She's a respect object. 90 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,298 Innocent girls. 91 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,425 ♪ ♪ 92 00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,969 Knee socks. 93 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,387 ♪ ♪ 94 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,806 Grow up too fast. 95 00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,976 ♪ ♪ 96 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,104 I will see you all in court. 97 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:15,231 ♪ ♪ 98 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,817 Hmm? Mm. 99 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,445 Dad, I'm seeing you through new eyes. 100 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,655 You've become the hero of my book. 101 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,073 The guy who kills the mockingbird? 102 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,825 No one kills a mockingbird. 103 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,327 Whoa, whoa, whoa, spoiler alert. 104 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,786 You're like Atticus Finch, 105 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:32,582 a modest, heroic man who stands up for what's right. 106 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,000 Uh, yeah, sure. 107 00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:37,337 And I love the way you just made me feel safer. 108 00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,422 (gasps) She respects me. 109 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:41,507 This is even better than the time the Milk Duds 110 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:44,969 in the vending machine knocked down a 3 Musketeers bar, too. 111 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:48,514 Woo-hoo! Man beats machine! 112 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,932 Oh! 113 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,102 ATTICUS: Well, I think that's all the reading for tonight, honey. 114 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,688 -It's getting late. -What time is it? 115 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,066 8:30. 116 00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,776 SCOUT: May I see your watch? 117 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:11,204 "To Atticus, My Beloved Husband." 118 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:14,624 Oh, black and white? The TV's broken. 119 00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:17,377 -(cackling) -(screaming) 120 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,295 Hey, we were watching that. 121 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,839 (Southern accent): Why, look, it's Bart Simpson 122 00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,842 in his short pants on the davenport. 123 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:26,219 Are you nuts? 124 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,221 Homer is my hero. 125 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,889 Say it in American. 126 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,349 (normal voice): He stood up for me. 127 00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:33,059 It was magnificent. 128 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:36,729 -I wish my dad was a hero. -Wish granted, son! 129 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,147 Now let's move it. 130 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,901 If I hand out 5,000 flyers, I get all the turkey shreds 131 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,153 I can dig out of the slicer trap. 132 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,240 And dig I will. (chuckles) 133 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,033 Well, I don't care if Dad's your hero. 134 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,994 You know whose hero I am? Maggie's. Come here, girl. 135 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,248 Mm! 136 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,876 Okay, the dog's your hero, but I'm your human hero. 137 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,086 -Mm! -Fine. 138 00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:01,754 But I'm your living human hero. 139 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,549 Are you saying I'm dead? Put up your dukes. 140 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:06,634 Now put up my dukes. 141 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:07,927 (bones cracking) 142 00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,055 Now take down your dukes. (grunts) 143 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,558 I'm the greatest! 144 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:16,477 Oh... someone put down my dukes. 145 00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,693 (watch ticking) 146 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,447 ♪ ♪ 147 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,120 LISA: I'd always liked my dad, 148 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,456 but this was something new and wonderful. 149 00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,291 I admired him. 150 00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:41,544 The way he'd take me to the science museum once a year. 151 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,630 D'oh! 152 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,675 D'oh! 153 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,348 And now we get ice cream. 154 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,934 -Hmm. -Mmm. 155 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,312 Oh, sweetie, it's starting to melt. 156 00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:02,064 Daddy will give you a little help. 157 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,983 A little more help. 158 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,319 A little more. A little more. 159 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:09,739 Oops. Oh, Daddy ate yours. You can have mine. 160 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,782 -Thank you. -Now let Daddy... 161 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,409 I got it. 162 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,664 And he inspired me in school. 163 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,249 The second grade was grim, 164 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,502 but Jem assured me that the older I get, 165 00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,128 the better school would be. 166 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,006 Who says my class is grim? Who's Jem? 167 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,424 What are you talking about? 168 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,343 That's from To Kill a Mockingbird. 169 00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:33,346 Page 67. The book you assigned us to read. 170 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,932 I assigned you to read the Wikipedia article. 171 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,937 LISA: But my brother was not so happy. 172 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,024 Mom, why can't we be like that? 173 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:47,693 (Lisa and Homer laughing) 174 00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,153 Well... 175 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,989 (humming) 176 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,659 (spits) I taste blue. 177 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,661 Yeah, okay. 178 00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:58,746 -(hacks) -(groans) 179 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,667 I tell you, guys, having a kid that likes you 180 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,794 is the greatest feeling in the world. 181 00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:06,629 I never got along with my old man. 182 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:08,548 He was always disappointed I didn't follow him 183 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:09,966 in the family business. 184 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,385 -What did he do? -He was editor of Life magazine. 185 00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:15,638 -I thought that was defunct. -Eh, he keeps saying a real son 186 00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,056 would've bought it out of bankruptcy 187 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:18,891 and launched it as a digital platform. 188 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,894 Well, angel funders want too much equity. 189 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,730 Sorry, Dad. 190 00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,234 (sighs) Yeah, my dad left when I was most vulnerable, 191 00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:31,904 the day after Mom left. That was a tough week there. 192 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,990 (crying) 193 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:39,203 Not a good time to film a commercial. 194 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:41,080 Don't worry, we'll take these cameras 195 00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:43,916 and we'll make a Netflix documentary. 196 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,712 They will buy anything! 197 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:05,896 (Marge humming) 198 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,608 For dessert, I made blackberry pie. 199 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,777 Oh, I made Dad a blueberry pie. 200 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:14,614 Oh, what to do, what to do? 201 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:18,367 In the words of King Solomon, I shall eat two pies. 202 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,786 I don't think King Solomon said that. 203 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,913 Maybe it was a king salmon. 204 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:26,709 The point is, pies are good. 205 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,881 Homer, I think Bart could use a little attention. 206 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,592 (sighs) Give attention to Lisa, give attention to Bart. 207 00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:37,053 What am I, made of attention? 208 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,309 Okay, because of budget cutbacks, 209 00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:44,644 you got 45 seconds each. 210 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,771 40 after the explanation. You, get in! 211 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,147 What you're experiencing is a phenomenon 212 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,649 known as transference, where you project your feelings 213 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,067 towards your mother onto your art teacher. 214 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,235 Anytime you find yourself wanting to hug Mrs. Hakamuchi, 215 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,488 -snap this rubber band on your wrist. -Ow. 216 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:56,572 -(timer dings) -Next! 217 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,493 What are you waiting for? I'm here for an hour, 218 00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:01,661 then I'm off to 14 other schools. 219 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,162 I eat lunch in my car 'cause they won't let me 220 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,664 counsel kids with food in my mouth. 221 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,499 Well, I always thought my dad was a big fat loser 222 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,584 until he started giving attention to my lame-o sister. 223 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,252 So why do I want his attention now? 224 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,462 Why does this hurt? 225 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,672 Family members are locked into roles. 226 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:13,756 Change that, and what do you get? 227 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:14,840 Resentment and acting out. 228 00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:15,966 Acting out can take many forms, 229 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,134 from pouting to armed robbery. 230 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,302 -Time's almost up. -So, what do I do? 231 00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:19,512 You have no choice. 232 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,138 Act out until somebody pays attention to you. 233 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,015 -(timer dings) -Next! 234 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,101 Okay, couples therapy. You got 90 seconds. 235 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,895 BOTH: I'm the oldest, and she won't admit it. 236 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,149 Milhouse, I'm about to act out. 237 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:35,152 After we leave an envelope full of guilt. 238 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,613 Also, we're stopping by the photo booth 239 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,157 -and the perfume room. -Enough. 240 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:42,618 (reading in Hebrew) 241 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,625 (groans) 242 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,877 Come on, sweetie, pick up the pace. 243 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:54,130 The sushi's been sitting out for an hour. 244 00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:57,883 When Willie turned 13, it was time to work in the mines. 245 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,385 It's go time. 246 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,679 (wheezing) 247 00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:04,140 Help. My friend's having an asthma attack. 248 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,560 Not yet, Bart. This is a real one. 249 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,061 -(grunts) -Even better. 250 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:11,564 (wheezing) 251 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,983 Please, we've got to get him to the hospital. 252 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:17,695 Wow. I'm gonna meet a nurse. 253 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,739 (bicycle bell rings) 254 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,824 (Shauna reading in Hebrew) 255 00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:29,206 And now we're gonna party like it's 5799. 256 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,875 Wait, wait, wait. 257 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:34,336 Before you leave, I am going to talk. 258 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,923 And I'm going to tell you a very long joke. 259 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,592 Please stand. 260 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:42,887 So, an old rabbi 261 00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:46,182 was confronted with squirrels in the attic. 262 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,934 Get to the punch line or your son flunks geometry. 263 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,186 He gave the squirrels a bar mitzvah 264 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,270 and never saw them in temple again. 265 00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,605 Amen. 266 00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,193 (angry chatter) 267 00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,111 I don't drive a minivan. 268 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:02,281 Do I look like a suburban soccer mom from Phoenix? 269 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,617 Well, sometimes, when you're tired. 270 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,619 -Shut up! -I should be first. 271 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,620 I own a Tesla. 272 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,121 Those are my keys. 273 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,290 Prepare for the boning of your life. 274 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,875 (grunts) 275 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,211 (shouting) 276 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:20,132 To repeat, I own a Tesla, and I'm going to use "summon." 277 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:22,968 Aah! 278 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,637 (all gasp) 279 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,557 Who is responsible for this meshugana behavior? 280 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,893 -He did it. -(gasps) 281 00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,744 Oh... 282 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,581 Hey, Mr. Cunningham. 283 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,959 I said hey, Mr. Cunningham. 284 00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,460 I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. 285 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,838 They know I did it. Protect me, Dad. 286 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,757 SCOUT: Don't you remember me, Mr. Cunningham? 287 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,551 I'm Jean Louise Finch. 288 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,265 (shouting) 289 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,393 Where's your boy? 290 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,270 (Southern accent): What's your hurry, friend? 291 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,731 Now, Homer, don't you try to disarm us 292 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:21,694 with your genteel mannerisms of a bygone era there. 293 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:25,614 Why, I haven't a notion as to what you are importuning, 294 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,032 good sir. 295 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,617 (angry chatter) 296 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,336 (gunshot) 297 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,338 (Southern accent): Excuse me, Mr. Szyslak. 298 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,133 Mr. Szyslak, we know you. 299 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,011 My father likes to drink at your bar. 300 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:49,305 You can't say hi to me? 301 00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,973 (sobbing) 302 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,142 And how 'bout you, Chief Wiggum? 303 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,394 I go to school with your boy, Ralph. 304 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:58,814 Give my regards to Ralph, would you, please? 305 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,233 All right, let's go, people. They've defused us. 306 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,736 Everyone get, uh, get one last mutter in. 307 00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,280 (all muttering) 308 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,743 Oh, Lisa, sweetie, you saved me. 309 00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:13,078 No, Dad, you saved us all 310 00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:15,205 with your calmness and bravery. 311 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,917 -Thanks. Just one thing. -Yes, Dad? 312 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,585 Don't tell your mother about the mob 313 00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:20,920 that almost killed your brother. 314 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,755 She's taken a liking to him. 315 00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,089 MARGE: The what? 316 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,759 You're hearing things in the shower again, Marge. 317 00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,511 Oh, okay. 318 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,263 -(gunshot) -WIGGUM: Sorry. 319 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:40,689 Okay, Maggie, you give me your binky, 320 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,274 and I'll give you 321 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,027 this substitution bear doll. 322 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,783 You can't beat addiction, Marge. 323 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:53,118 I got addicted to Agatha Christie books. 324 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:56,872 I always thought the murderer was that know-it-all Belgian. 325 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,375 Turns out he was the detective. 326 00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:02,628 41 books, and I never saw it coming. 327 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,630 -(Lisa groans) -(gasps) 328 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:07,132 -What happened? -Got in a fight. 329 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,301 Why? What did the other kid do? 330 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,762 Said Dad was lazy and incompetent. 331 00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,472 And where is this other kid? 332 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:14,640 -Yo. -(gasps) 333 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,558 You got in a fight with your brother? 334 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,435 I won a fight with my brother. 335 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,062 -Liar. -Let's go again. 336 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,897 Stop her, Mom. 337 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,483 (Marge groans) 338 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,068 To combat bed-wetting, doctors recommend 339 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,486 shifting times for drinking, scheduling bathroom breaks, 340 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,780 and being encouraging. I'll deny having said this, 341 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,323 but the next time you wet your bed, have 'em spank you. 342 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,826 -Next. -(timer dings) 343 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,494 Wait, you're not a kid. Doesn't matter. 344 00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:36,829 You've got 45 seconds. Go. 345 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:39,415 I'm worried that my daughter is ruining her family 346 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,500 idolizing her father. 347 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,460 I see. Wow. Marge, it's totally normal 348 00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,295 for a little girl to be infatuated with her father. 349 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,839 It's safe and comes from a good place, 350 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:48,632 and when it ends, it's another thing she'll blame you for. 351 00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:51,427 Yes, well, I'm afraid my husband isn't always 352 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,846 a perfect influence. 353 00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:57,016 Marge, I've got a legal matter to deal with. 354 00:16:57,099 --> 00:16:59,018 I'll be outside. 355 00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,772 Also, I'm worried that my son is feeling neglected. 356 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,357 Your husband has to give your daughter the perfect speech, 357 00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,359 which lets her down but doesn't snap her in two. 358 00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,861 And make sure you don't have any more kids. 359 00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,113 Sounds like it'll be a disaster. 360 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,782 Whoa, nice to meet you. See you in three years. 361 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:14,950 -(timer dings) -Now, goodbye. 362 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,373 -Homer? -Huh? What? 363 00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,043 Homer, it's sweet that Lisa idolizes you, 364 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,295 but I think it's gone too far. 365 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:27,713 You're right. 366 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,048 Tell her she's right. 367 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,215 I just did. 368 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:32,301 I'm on a five-second delay. 369 00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,470 The kids are at each other's throats. 370 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,972 Look, you can't be my dog and hers. Pick a side. 371 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,390 (whimpers) 372 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,518 You can't hide in there forever. 373 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,854 -(toots) -(barking) 374 00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,690 Okay, I'll talk to Bart, you talk to Lisa. 375 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,984 We've got to put this family back in place. 376 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,361 Okay. Why do you always tell me 377 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:54,740 the most important things just when I'm about to fall asleep? 378 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:58,327 Because I think the pillow talk between a woman and her husband 379 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,580 is the most important... 380 00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,916 What? How did I wind up in church? 381 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,253 What's wrong, sweetie? 382 00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,672 I've got that terrible feeling where I'm almost 383 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:12,257 at the end of a great book, 384 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,427 and once I finish, it's over forever. 385 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:18,097 Well, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. 386 00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:21,350 You and I have had a lot of fun these past few weeks, 387 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,435 but you aren't always gonna look up to your dad 388 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,937 as much as you do now. 389 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,605 Bup, bup, bup. Great man, 390 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:29,608 there is nothing you could do to make me lose one iota 391 00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,027 of respect for you. 392 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,197 ♪ ♪ 393 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,367 When I was a kid, I wanted to be that guy, 394 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,619 but now I can't fit behind a door. 395 00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:43,789 You'll discover I'm not the perfect man you think. 396 00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:45,749 Okay, I'll finish my book. 397 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,418 But always remember you're my dad, 398 00:18:48,502 --> 00:18:51,630 and I'll never forget the way you and... 399 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:54,925 Damn it. 400 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,304 I'm home! 401 00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,472 (sighs) 402 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,975 She's moved on, 403 00:19:03,058 --> 00:19:05,477 which, let's face it, is the way things should be. 404 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,479 Kids grow up, daddies die, 405 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:09,690 and then the wind whispers, "Why?" 406 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:14,153 Oh, I don't know. I've been hurt before. 407 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,905 I don't want to mess you up by getting close to you. 408 00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,081 Aw. 409 00:19:27,541 --> 00:19:29,585 No problem. 410 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,461 Marge, get in here. 411 00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:36,758 Okay, Bart, because we treasure you, too, 412 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,803 I'm gonna let you do one thing just for yourself. 413 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,430 Kick Homer in the butt? 414 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,766 Uh, why don't you give it some thought. 415 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,018 Kick Lisa in the butt. 416 00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:47,519 Have a birthday party every day? 417 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,479 Never brush my teeth again. 418 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,106 Be homeschooled by the dog. 419 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,774 Drive a tank through Skinner's house. 420 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,693 Open a casino in the basement. 421 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,028 Have an affair? 422 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:59,031 -You haven't decided yet? -Don't rush me. 423 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,450 Convert my Roth IRA to a 401K? 424 00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:02,701 Have an affair? 425 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,827 Take a mulligan? 426 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,370 Okay, I've decided. 427 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,873 I'll kick Homer in the butt. 428 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:12,127 You can kick it if you can find it. 429 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,587 D'oh. 430 00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:14,922 ♪ Well, they say ♪ 431 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,926 ♪ Time loves a hero ♪ 432 00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:21,261 ♪ But only time will tell ♪ 433 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,263 ♪ If he's real ♪ 434 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,265 ♪ He's a legend from heaven ♪ 435 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,267 ♪ If he ain't, he was sent here from hell ♪ 436 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,269 ♪ Hear me well ♪ 437 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:32,272 ♪ Seein' ain't always believin' ♪ 438 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:35,567 ♪ Just make sure it's the truth that you're seein' ♪ 439 00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:40,280 ♪ Eyes sometimes lie, eyes sometimes lie ♪ 440 00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:43,075 ♪ They can be real deceivin'. ♪ 441 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,093 Shh! 442 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:05,973 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH