1 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:12,095 Hubert, great work on the cafeteria gravy story. 2 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:14,723 Answered a lot of questions but raised a lot more. 3 00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:16,349 (door opens) 4 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:20,979 I come bearing the thing you journalists hate most: news. 5 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:23,523 The Daily Fourth Gradian is hemorrhaging money. 6 00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,483 Last month the paper lost... 7 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,527 $32. 8 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:28,695 (all gasping) 9 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:30,780 But you can't put a price on the truth. 10 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,116 I finally got a source to go on the record 11 00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,035 about dodgeball concussions. 12 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,037 Bombardment, bombardment. 13 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,998 (crying): Bombardment. 14 00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:42,876 I'm sorry, but I have no choice but to bring in a new editor. 15 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:44,294 The fifth grader who somehow 16 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,171 turned the school poetry magazine 17 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:50,008 into a cash-blasting fire hose: Billy. 18 00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:52,594 Preschool is over, news skanks. 19 00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,429 Today is gonna be like Carrie Underwood 20 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,347 hosting the Country Music Awards-- 21 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,391 we're in for a lot of changes. 22 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,852 You-- I can tell you're a real talent. 23 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,645 Get out. You're fired. 24 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,481 See? No one's safe. 25 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,900 Fidget spinner. 26 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,234 What are you doing? 27 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,028 Hubert's a good journalist. 28 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,739 Good journalism ain't paying the pizza man, toots. 29 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,033 We are going online only: 30 00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:17,702 pop-culture quizzes, sponsored lists, 31 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,913 headlines that grab you by the book bag: 32 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:22,415 "You Won't Believe What Milhouse Looks Like Now." 33 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,084 You bet your book bag I won't. 34 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,252 But you can't just turn the school paper 35 00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,670 into online clickbait. 36 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,422 We have a responsibility to... 37 00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,424 Oh, my God, it's still talking. 38 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,302 I hate you so much I'm giving you the most important job 39 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:35,762 at this swipe rag. 40 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,139 -You're a what? -I'm a recapper. 41 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:40,100 Huh? What? 42 00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:41,976 A TV recapper. 43 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:45,188 I watch every episode of a show, then write a summary, 44 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:48,191 followed by snarky comments and a letter grade. 45 00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,026 Well, sometimes I do worry 46 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:53,863 I have the wrong opinions about what I've just seen. 47 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,490 (hula music playing, Krusty speaking gibberish) 48 00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:58,118 (Lisa groans) 49 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,578 Ugh. This isn't me. 50 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:03,456 What kind of person can just spew out an endless stream 51 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,750 of knee-jerk reactions? 52 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,002 They should hand out candy at Thanksgiving 53 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:10,630 and stuffing at Halloween. 54 00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:14,300 Say, Dad, you sure have a lot of strong opinions. 55 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,303 Why don't you watch this show and tell me what you think? 56 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:20,932 -Hmm. -♪ Fight, fight, fight, The Itchy & Scratchy Show! ♪ 57 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,645 -(laughing) -(gasps) 58 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,566 Hey, yeah. Ah! 59 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,068 Ta-da! 60 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,278 (screaming) 61 00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:34,654 Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,657 Hmm. 63 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,826 The mouse and the cat hate each other. 64 00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:41,411 That feels real to me. 65 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,496 It was quite a ride, and I was on board 66 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:45,498 until the shawarma screamed. Huh. 67 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,292 Very disappointing. 68 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,169 An instant classic. 69 00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,338 Dad, you were born to describe TV at a fourth-grade level. 70 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,382 (laughing): Ooh, well. 71 00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:57,010 Would you recap The Krusty Show for my school paper? 72 00:02:57,093 --> 00:03:00,388 All you have to do is watch TV and say things about it. 73 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:03,850 Just say things about TV. 74 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,144 Oh. 75 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,188 (chuckling) 76 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:10,106 ♪ ♪ 77 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,608 (phone chimes) 78 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:15,111 Krusty, a recapper is now reviewing your show. 79 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,654 Let me see that. 80 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,281 "Monologue seemed endless"? 81 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,450 "Pie clearly hits face of stunt double"? 82 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,869 "Overuse of comedic rule of three"?! 83 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,913 (scoffs) Why would I possibly care 84 00:03:24,996 --> 00:03:27,790 about the opinion of this pathetic bottom feeder? 85 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,043 Huh? B-minus?! 86 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,628 -(yells) -(woman gasps) 87 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:32,962 (phone chimes) 88 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:36,049 C-plus?! Aah! 89 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:37,342 (phone chimes) 90 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,927 C-minus? 91 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,303 Ow! 92 00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:43,223 Today's Krusty Show pulled out all the stops. 93 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,891 Which was a huge mistake, 94 00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:47,977 as many of the stops should have been left in. D-plus. 95 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:52,398 (tires squeal) 96 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,194 I'll teach you 97 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:59,656 to insult a thin-skinned Hollywood narcissist. 98 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:02,659 Oh, Tesla, your 900-pound feet 99 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:06,329 of silent, instant torque is the perfect killing machine. 100 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:07,330 (groans) 101 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,831 (tires screeching, Krusty grunting) 102 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,000 Where do I know that guy? 103 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,502 Aah! Aah! 104 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,629 (screams) Vengeful clown! 105 00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:15,838 (tires squealing) 106 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,509 "Krusty is trying to murder me. 107 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,511 "If he does, 108 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,639 it'll be the first time he's killed in years." 109 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,641 -(phone chimes) -I'm not funny? 110 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:29,686 You want to see something really humor?! 111 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,023 "Running me off the road? 112 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,776 Clearly, a murderer out of ideas." 113 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,196 (grunting) 114 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,781 -Like my show! -(groaning) 115 00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:45,159 Why? Is it season four again? 116 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,619 Why, you... 117 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,871 -(Homer choking) -(tires screeching) 118 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,708 (both grunting) 119 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,294 (tires squealing) 120 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,921 (both grunting) 121 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,216 -Whoa. -Whoa. 122 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,551 (both scream) 123 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,095 (grunting) 124 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,770 Oh, please be okay. Please be okay. 125 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,982 If anything happened to you, I-I don't know what I'd do. 126 00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,650 Oh, give me a sign. 127 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,402 Let me know my world isn't over. 128 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:20,903 Don't look in my trunk! 129 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:23,740 But if you do, a Chinese doctor says I need it. 130 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,159 Oh, you're okay. 131 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:29,037 All right, tell me who assaulted you, and we'll bring 'em in. 132 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,456 Unless it's gangs or motorcycle guys. 133 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:33,416 A motorcycle guy will whip you 134 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,251 right in the face with his chain. 135 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,919 He doesn't care. 136 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,921 Krusty tried to run me off the road! 137 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,466 But I'm still alive. C-plus. 138 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,217 (grunting) 139 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,927 (gasps) Ah. 140 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,013 -(siren wailing) -Don't worry, Krusty. 141 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,891 I know a place where the police will never find you. 142 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:53,770 Yeah, good luck, kid, but I'm a big-time TV celebrity. 143 00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:56,731 The last thing I could ever do is blend in. 144 00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,608 Hmm? 145 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:00,610 ♪ ♪ 146 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:02,612 The circus? Why? 147 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,280 You're a clown. 148 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,491 I won't stand here and be insulted! 149 00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,618 Y... Oh, right. 150 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,414 Kid, I'm a TV clown, 151 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:16,417 not like these trapeze-sucking tent-fluffers. 152 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,252 Circus clowns don't talk, 153 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:22,006 while I perform to camera with finely-honed subtlety. 154 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,801 Hey-hey! (laughs) 155 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,886 (shushes) Easy on the "hey-heys." 156 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,055 The cops are looking everywhere for you. 157 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,473 I can't go to jail. 158 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,226 I just quit smoking. What do I do? 159 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,477 Huh? 160 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,979 So, what do you call yourself? 161 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,649 Soggy. Soggy the Clown. 162 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,359 Thought we already had a Soggy. 163 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:43,277 Nah, nah, you're thinking of Moisty. 164 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,821 You're hired. 165 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,365 So, Soggy, uh, what's your act? 166 00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,617 Well, I can introduce cartoons, 167 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,662 pretend to enjoy children's breakfast cereal. 168 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,831 Oh, and I completely blow my stack 169 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,125 when someone takes my parking space. 170 00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,420 You sound like a... TV clown. 171 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,338 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 172 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,258 I hate TV clowns from how you just said that. 173 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,093 (scoffs) TV clowns. 174 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:09,303 Riding four to a car like royalty, 175 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:12,098 eating their stew from a bowl instead of cupped hands. 176 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:16,561 And you know who's the worst is that white-faced Judas: Krusty. 177 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,938 Wait. Circus clowns hate Krusty? 178 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,314 Don't you? 179 00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,733 In my way I've hated him all my life. 180 00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,528 Yeah, you get it, Soggy. You're a good kid. 181 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,197 Anyway, this is where you eat, this is where you sleep, 182 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,992 and this is where you sweep up the elephant crap. 183 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:34,495 So, all three in this cage. 184 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,830 Efficient, right? 185 00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,415 Now meet the finest clowns 186 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,376 from the greatest closed circuses in the world. 187 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,044 Skitters, Bumpo, Wiggles, 188 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,505 Clabby, Dr. Pickles, Mr. Bindle, 189 00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:46,549 Barrels, Drooly, Trembles, 190 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,717 Blitzy, Handsy, 191 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,218 Boobsy, Mr. Boobsy, 192 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,471 Baby Boobsy, the Boobsy Twins, 193 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,306 Ding-a-ling, Bing-bong, Ring-a-ling, 194 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:55,391 Flip-Flop, Fiddle-Faddle, Flap-Jack, 195 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,434 and Scene Blow. 196 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:57,435 Nice to meet... 197 00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,896 (gurgles) 198 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,397 Yeah. 199 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,649 (doorbell rings) 200 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,611 It's him. It's really him. 201 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,489 (gasps) A regular dork and a girl one. 202 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,575 It is an honor to meet the man whose recaps were so devastating 203 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,495 that the star of the show tried to kill him. 204 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,872 The secret is, say what happened. 205 00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,416 Oh, it's like we're talking to Hemingway. 206 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,627 Or Shep Goldfein from TV Zorp. 207 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,171 How would you like to come recap for us 208 00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,298 full-time at Culture Smash? 209 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:29,717 You'll pay me to watch TV? 210 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,304 God bless you, content-addicted clickbaiters. 211 00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,181 We'll start you on 30 shows. 212 00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,891 This month? 213 00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:38,267 Uh, no, tonight. 214 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,937 Welcome to Peak TV. 215 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:44,106 This Is Us. 216 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,317 (crying): This is me. 217 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,735 C-plus. 218 00:08:47,818 --> 00:08:50,154 ♪ ♪ 219 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,283 (trumpets loudly) 220 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,952 Hey there, Soggy. 221 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,787 You excited for your first show? 222 00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,622 Nervous? I'm not nervous. 223 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,290 Get this kid. "Nervous." 224 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,833 (scoffs) Nervous. 225 00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,919 Well, you sure are saying "nervous" a lot. 226 00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,587 Shut up, you nervous little punk. 227 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,631 I'm the king of 4:00 p.m. TV. 228 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,092 I can clown the pants off these losers. 229 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:14,095 (slide whistle blows, horn honks) 230 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,681 (groans) 231 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,768 -(sniffs) Whoa, what is that? -(shudders) 232 00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,354 That's what the clowns here drink before the tent opens. 233 00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:26,023 -It's called Hippo Juice. -Do you even know what's in it? 234 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,817 I need my Hippo Juice! 235 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,696 ♪ ♪ 236 00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:32,780 (tires squeak) 237 00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,866 (groans) 238 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:39,161 (all groaning) 239 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:44,125 (laughter) 240 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:45,501 (crowd gasps) 241 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,794 (roars) 242 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,379 (crowd screams) 243 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,678 (laughter) 244 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,763 (groaning) 245 00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,434 (crowd boos) 246 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,108 Okay, Walking Dead. 247 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,694 Too much walking, not enough dead. C-plus. 248 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,029 Game of Thrones. 249 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,864 Who is everybody? A-plus. 250 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:18,784 Stranger Things. Spielberg's back. C-minus. 251 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,704 Homie, you're watching so many shows. 252 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,414 Why don't you take a break? 253 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,542 We can open the third drawer of the nightstand. 254 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,169 The anniversary drawer. 255 00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,254 (moans) 256 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,466 Mmm. Mmm. 257 00:10:33,549 --> 00:10:35,718 Making out on the bed-- a familiar formula, 258 00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,470 but still delivers the goods. 259 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,597 Mmm. Ooh, a butt-squeeze. 260 00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,350 Motivated by character and moves the story forward. 261 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,185 Mmm. Could an ear nibble be the thing 262 00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,479 to reinvigorate this tired franchise? 263 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:49,148 Wait. Are-are you recapping our snuggle? 264 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,567 No, no, just pillow talk, baby. 265 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,402 If you say so. 266 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,737 Savvy viewers will notice 267 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,697 the husband hasn't brushed his teeth. 268 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,240 That is it. 269 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:01,869 You're watching so many TV shows for your recapping job, 270 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,746 it's ruining our life. 271 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:06,123 And don't you dare give me a letter grade. 272 00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:09,752 Okay, I'll just let this be... minus. 273 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,588 (growls) It's either me or the job. 274 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,759 Hmm. Marge creates what feels like false jeopardy. 275 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,637 No, the moment is well earned. 276 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,974 Oh, they just got rid of their best character. 277 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,685 (Bart humming) 278 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:28,646 Soggy, a word of advice: you suck. 279 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,523 Turn in your Hippo Juice bucket, 280 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,608 your hippo crystals, and your hippo pipe. 281 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,151 You're fired. 282 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,486 (horn honks) 283 00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:36,987 Oh, come on, Tootso. 284 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,614 You don't really mean that, do you? 285 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,449 -(horn honks) -Oh, it's true. 286 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,703 I'm a terrible clown. (cries) 287 00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,121 Cheer up, Krusty. 288 00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,124 There's got to be another circus out there, a worse one. 289 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,292 Nah. I'm not a TV clown. 290 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,836 I'm not a circus clown. 291 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,171 I'm nothing. 292 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:56,799 (pants) Soggy, the high wire bear got sick 293 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,676 after eating the Guess-Your-Weight Guy, 294 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,469 so we need somebody to do his act. 295 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,929 And none of the other clowns will do it 296 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,347 because there's no net. 297 00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,974 So, well, we thought of you. 298 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,727 You mean a last chance to redeem myself? 299 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,812 No. No, no. If you live, you're still fired. 300 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,063 Oh, who cares? 301 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,815 I'm in. 302 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,650 (to tune of "Entrance of the Gladiators"): ♪ I don't care ♪ 303 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,901 ♪ If I live or die ♪ 304 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,904 ♪ Wait, I do, I want to die ♪ 305 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,406 ♪ Who will claim my body? ♪ 306 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:21,907 ♪ Maybe the monkey ♪ 307 00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:22,950 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪ 308 00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:24,660 Whoa! 309 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,162 Oh. Whoa! 310 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,872 (grunts) 311 00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,415 Ow! (screams) 312 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,083 Oh! 313 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,126 Whoa! 314 00:12:32,209 --> 00:12:34,170 (grunting) 315 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,338 -(growling) -Ow! 316 00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,007 (screams) 317 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,341 (gulps) 318 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,426 (all gasp) 319 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,470 (roars, coughs) 320 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:44,930 Ta-da. 321 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,265 (cheering) 322 00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:47,725 They're applauding. 323 00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,101 And there's no applause sign. 324 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:50,936 I didn't know that was possible. 325 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,273 Circus cheers are the greatest cheers in the world! 326 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:56,942 RINGMASTER: There he is, there's our new star. 327 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,903 That was the most daring act I've ever seen. 328 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:02,281 And I saw a circus do a Beatles tribute without permission. 329 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:04,867 I think I'm falling for you, Soggy. 330 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,036 I don't think you're really my type. 331 00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:10,080 ♪ ♪ 332 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,374 Mmm, you. (laughs) 333 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,460 (speaking gibberish) 334 00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,462 (moans) 335 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:19,048 My whole life up till now was nothing. 336 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:22,384 From this day forward, I am Soggy, 337 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,512 Soggy the Clown! 338 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,055 (cheering) 339 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:33,813 ♪ ♪ 340 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,606 (lion snarls quietly) 341 00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,066 -(snoring) -(alarm ringing) 342 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,068 (gasping, grumbling) 343 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,444 -(alarm stops ringing) -(snoring) 344 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,576 (horn honks) 345 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,078 I'm flattered, Tootso, 346 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,162 but I'm already seeing someone. 347 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,497 (both moan) 348 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:54,375 I'll meet you behind the seal tank in half an hour. 349 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:55,835 (horn honks) 350 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:58,087 Good news. Your agent just called. 351 00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,297 A Japanese game show needs an American celebrity 352 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,175 to pop out of toilets to scare couples on dates. 353 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,969 The cops will never find you. 354 00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,096 Two weeks ago, I would've jumped at that. 355 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,515 But I'm a circus clown now. 356 00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,684 But you're a big-time TV star. 357 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,602 Ain't the circus worse by far? 358 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,105 Oh, I used to love celebrity, 359 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,732 but I've got big-top clarity. 360 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,776 (jazzy): Because... 361 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,862 ♪ ♪ 362 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,156 ♪ Circus clowning ♪ 363 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,117 -♪ Is the life for me ♪ -(bird squawks) 364 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,995 ♪ Gonna flip the bird to lousy kids' TV ♪ 365 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:34,498 ♪ Circus folk have real camaraderie ♪ 366 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,209 ♪ I can't be fired 'cause they don't test my pee ♪ 367 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:40,838 ♪ He'd be positive for every sedative ♪ 368 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:44,300 ♪ Circus laughter, there's no greater high ♪ 369 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,052 ♪ Crowd is fired up 'cause they might see you die ♪ 370 00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,512 ♪ If he breaks his neck ♪ 371 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,347 ♪ What a thrill they'll get ♪ 372 00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:53,642 ♪ All my problems have been solved for free ♪ 373 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,896 ♪ Talking to the bear sure beats therapy ♪ 374 00:14:56,979 --> 00:15:00,274 ♪ A hug can beat fear of women's feet ♪ 375 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:03,110 ♪ Can I join the circus if I'm only ten? ♪ 376 00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,696 ♪ Here's a fake ID, now your name is Ben ♪ 377 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:09,408 ♪ Ain't no mom to keep me safe and sound ♪ 378 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:11,160 ♪ I get to juggle swords ♪ 379 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,953 ♪ Eat corn dogs off the ground ♪ 380 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:16,332 ♪ So, good riddance to TV ♪ 381 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,918 ♪ I feel alive instead of live-plus-three ♪ 382 00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,920 ALL: ♪ Because circus clowning ♪ 383 00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,880 ♪ Is the life for ♪ 384 00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,298 ♪ Me. ♪ 385 00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:27,426 -(elephants trumpet) -(whistle blows) 386 00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:28,510 Bad news: 387 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,054 -we're shutting down the circus. -(gasping) 388 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,847 Shutting it down? But why? 389 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,600 -A terrible video got out. -Which one? 390 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,186 -The video we sell here at the circus. -(circus folk gasping) 391 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,189 If they close this place down, what do I run away to? 392 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,231 College? 393 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:42,816 It's all over. 394 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,027 I'm losing the only happiness I didn't have to chug, 395 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,696 snort, shoot, bet on, or get enlarged. 396 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,574 For the first time, I was a real clown. 397 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,494 (crying): And now I've lost that. 398 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,122 To save my marriage, effective immediately, 399 00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,874 I'm resigning as recapper. 400 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,793 My apologies to Culture Smash 401 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,253 and the entire Garbage Blast media family. 402 00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:05,881 Mm. 403 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,967 ♪ ♪ 404 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,512 -MAN: Get in. -Okay. 405 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:19,228 Homer, I'm the CEO of a major media conglomerate. 406 00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,729 We can't have you quit. 407 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,065 You're one of America's top recappers. 408 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:26,068 I had to quit; recapping was ruining my marriage. 409 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,404 There were so many shows, I couldn't keep up. 410 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:32,032 It's true. Currently there are over 500 scripted shows 411 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,243 on network, cable, and streaming. 412 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,578 Why are you making so many shows? 413 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:39,164 No one could watch more than 300 of them. 414 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:40,874 Oh, we don't care if people watch. 415 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:42,751 We just care if they subscribe 416 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,754 -for $13 a month. -(gasps) 417 00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,840 You see, if people subscribe but don't watch, 418 00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:50,217 then we don't actually have to make the shows. 419 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,970 We just need viewers to believe they can watch them. 420 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,430 Fake shows? 421 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,889 But what if people try to see them? 422 00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:58,267 They won't, because recappers like you 423 00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,310 will give those shows a B-minus. 424 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,938 No one ever watches a B-minus. 425 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,857 But, but that's crazy. 426 00:17:04,940 --> 00:17:06,400 It could never work. 427 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:07,735 It already has. 428 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,279 Are you familiar with the USA Network? 429 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:14,241 Sure. Royal Pains, Suits, White Collar. 430 00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:17,202 Have you ever seen any of those shows? 431 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,705 No, but somebody must have... 432 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,206 Surely somebody... 433 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,459 There is no USA Network. 434 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,461 There hasn't been for 20 years. 435 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,504 It's just bus ads! 436 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,048 Oh, my God. 437 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,842 Peak TV is a lie. 438 00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:33,677 Your plan is insane. 439 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:34,970 Perhaps. 440 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,930 But not as insane as making... 441 00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,934 that... many... shows. 442 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,520 I never had faith in God or family, 443 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,148 but I had faith in television. 444 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:48,692 And I won't let you do this to Him. 445 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:53,280 I have everything you said recapped right here. 446 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,907 And I'm gonna tell the whole world 447 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,409 every detail of your terrible plan. 448 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,205 Hey, there's half a birthday cake in the break room. 449 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,581 Mind if I...? 450 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,583 All right, I get it, I get it. 451 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,509 (panting) 452 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,844 No, no, you can't close the circus. 453 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,013 There's got to be a way to keep this place running. 454 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,349 If we only had 50 grand, we could start over 455 00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,184 with a new name and a new act. 456 00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:24,603 Yeah. We can get the Flying Branzinos. 457 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:27,689 Nobody pickpockets a crowd like those guys. 458 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:31,443 (crying): But we don't have the 50 grand. 459 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:34,655 (sobs) The circus is done. 460 00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,532 (Krusty and Bart gasp) 461 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,117 No, no, listen. 462 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,661 (groans) I can get you your money. 463 00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:42,871 With this. 464 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,623 You're gonna teach us to read? 465 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,959 No. I'm Krusty. 466 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:48,836 (circus folk gasp) 467 00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:51,630 -(Krusty grunts) -(gasping) 468 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,090 Hey-hey. 469 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,426 ♪ ♪ 470 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:09,273 (cheering) 471 00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,825 On the count of attempted murder of Homer Simpson, 472 00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:22,369 the jury finds Herschel Krustofsky... 473 00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:24,037 not guilty? 474 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,038 (all gasp) 475 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,082 It was self-defense, Your Honor. 476 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:31,128 That recapper gave Krusty's show bad grades. 477 00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,505 It was justifiable Homer-cide. 478 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,216 He gave Outlander a B-minus. 479 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,553 That show knows what it wants to be. Come on. 480 00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:43,348 Ooh, I've heard that gets really good about eight episodes in. 481 00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,058 Krusty, you're free to go. 482 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,977 -(laughs) -Mmm. 483 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,520 (elephant trumpets) 484 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,900 Is there room on that train for one more clown? 485 00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,776 Well, he did save the circus. 486 00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:56,236 What do you say, Scuzzo? 487 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,239 (crying): Please, I'm not Krusty anymore. 488 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,491 I'm a circus clown. 489 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,661 I'm Soggy. 490 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,955 You're a, you're a TV clown. 491 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,500 The greatest TV clown I've ever had the honor to know. 492 00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,002 But you're a traitor to our kind. 493 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:13,170 -(grunts) -(groans) 494 00:20:13,253 --> 00:20:15,464 ♪ ♪ 495 00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:18,091 -(grunts) -(groans) 496 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,059 Goodbye, circus. 497 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,477 Goodbye. 498 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,562 (gurgles) 499 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,195 -(Mr. Teeny grumbles) -Another terrible show. 500 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,240 -Thanks a lot, Chris Pine. -(chatters) 501 00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,534 And now the bad recap. 502 00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:47,829 They always find some new chump to tear me down. 503 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,706 "A"? I got an "A"? 504 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,833 Everything I've ever done has been great! 505 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,835 I'll never be sad again. 506 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,837 (both chuckling) 507 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,506 "A" is for Ralph. 508 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,049 (Krusty yelling) 509 00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,056 (whistle blows) 510 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:12,437 Dad, look, they posted our story this morning. 511 00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,398 Hmm. 512 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:17,401 Together we've exposed the truth. 513 00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:20,028 It'll be the one legitimate piece of journalism 514 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,655 on the whole site. 515 00:21:21,738 --> 00:21:24,574 What's with this boring Peak TV article? 516 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:27,494 My patience is growing shorter than Rachel Maddow's crew cut. 517 00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:29,371 How many times do I have to tell you: 518 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:30,956 no bait, no clicks. 519 00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,582 Hey, you, yeah, gummy bear, 520 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,876 put up a slideshow that'll get me some eyeballs. 521 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,336 Eyeballs! 522 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,338 (birds chirping) 523 00:21:38,422 --> 00:21:40,424 (computer chimes) 524 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,054 Ooh. 525 00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:51,101 Shh! 526 00:21:54,104 --> 00:21:56,064 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH