1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
♪ ♪
2
00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:06,506
(whoops)
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,720
(exclaims)
4
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,186
(chuckles)
5
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,772
(school bell rings)
6
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:25,984
(burps)
7
00:00:28,486 --> 00:00:30,071
D'oh!
8
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,866
-(tires screech)
-(grunts)
9
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:42,125
(barking)
10
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,884
Dad, we're four episodes early.
11
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:52,093
D'oh!
12
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:01,978
Here it is, Myra--
the key to the trophy case.
13
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,730
If we'd ever won a trophy,
14
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:05,356
I would've turned
the heck out of it.
15
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,441
Mm.
16
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,818
I can't believe
you're retiring, sir.
17
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,236
(Martin gasps)
18
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,823
Martin, I must ask you to keep
secret what you just heard--
19
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,076
the shocking news
that I'm retiring.
20
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:19,162
Sir, you are addressing
a student safety monitor.
21
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:22,791
With diagonal belt
comes great responsibility.
22
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:25,585
I've got a secret!
Firsties!
23
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,298
(all repeat same musical phrase)
24
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,386
What?!
25
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,680
Skinner's quitting!
I won the pool!
26
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,266
Guess who's renting two songs
from iTunes!
27
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,352
Skinner's retiring!
Bombardment!
28
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,062
-He will be missed! Bombardment!
-(yelps)
29
00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:46,689
He stood up for me when
they tried to ban bombardment!
30
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,108
Bombardment!
31
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,361
My fellow Americans, and Uter:
32
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,862
the rumors... are true.
33
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,447
I'm resigning the principalcy
34
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,116
effective Taco Tuesday.
35
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,367
(excited chatter)
36
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,661
Seymour, you will be missed.
37
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:06,501
And now, the flyover
by the Permission Slip Angels.
38
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:08,962
♪ ♪
39
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,756
Ow! My distance-vision eye.
40
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,676
Skinner leaving.
One last chance to honor him.
41
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,011
With a shot to the head.
42
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,394
Oh. Move it.
43
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,105
Come on, Bart!
Take the shot!
44
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,149
I don't have the damn shot!
45
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,526
Now, in honor
of our principal's retirement,
46
00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:33,862
we'll have a performance
from a super talent
47
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,197
who's gonna wrap up
our feelings.
48
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,366
(rapping): ♪ I can't believe
this is good-bye ♪
49
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,660
♪ You were like a mommy
who wears a tie ♪
50
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:43,079
♪ You once called men
who put me in a net ♪
51
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,331
♪ You always told me
when I was wet ♪
52
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,168
♪ They said I had to wait
two years to do karate ♪
53
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:51,296
♪ Even though my friend who is
the same age is in the class ♪
54
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,881
♪ Karate! ♪
55
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,299
There's a certain lack
of elegance
56
00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:55,800
in rhyming karate with karate.
57
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,010
Karate!
58
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,595
Now, I'll share a fond farewell
59
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:01,639
with one student chosen
at random to represent you all.
60
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:05,476
Oh! Bart Simpson.
61
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:08,771
There is a God,
and his name is the Devil.
62
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,525
Bart, come forward.
63
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,403
In the words of the late
David Bowie, né Jones:
64
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,071
"Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes."
65
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,532
All rights reserved,
Ziggy Stardust Publishing.
66
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,367
Gotcha!
67
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,578
Aah!
68
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:25,079
No. Got you!
69
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,623
Now, Willie! The honey!
70
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,293
(groans)
71
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:35,173
(laughter)
72
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,801
Simpson, I'm not retiring.
73
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,387
This was all
just a prank on you.
74
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,058
-(gasping)
-Leave him alone!
75
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:47,518
-(crow caws)
-(Marge groans)
76
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,395
-(grunts)
-(crow caws)
77
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,773
Where do I go?
How do I live this down?
78
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:55,068
Mom, my humiliation bath
is getting cold.
79
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,862
Hold still.
You've got honey in your pits.
80
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,614
(grunting)
81
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,741
Oh. Mm, sticky.
(grunts)
82
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,078
Bombardment!
83
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,121
Haw-haw!
84
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,290
Oh, Nelsoned by Largo.
85
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,751
I'll get them back.
I'll get them all back.
86
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,212
And that'll be the end of it
forever.
87
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:17,090
Not good enough!
88
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,842
(chuckles sinisterly)
89
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,512
What are you gonna do, Bart?
Wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me.
90
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,097
I'll have nightmares,
91
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,058
like the one where I'm wearing
my pajamas during the daytime.
92
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:28,685
You are wearing your pajamas.
93
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,479
Some day I want
to be a racecar driver.
94
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,731
Do you know how many get killed?
95
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,193
(gasps) They don't show that
on the pajamas!
96
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,085
Ugh.
97
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,714
(chuckles)
98
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,299
Pranking Bart was
my "Sergeant Peppers,"
99
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,718
after a lifetime
of "Back Off Boogaloos."
100
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,096
What the...? Simpson!
101
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,057
Ugh!
102
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,476
My skin! (yelling)
103
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,729
(children screaming)
104
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:15,898
(clowns yelling, laughing)
105
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,318
Hey, Brandine.
106
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,738
These woods is filled
with scary white people.
107
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,156
What else is new?
108
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,490
Bait the traps.
109
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,160
Mama needs a new people coat.
110
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,787
Thanks to one vengeful
prankster, clowns--
111
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:32,874
once a source of delight--
have now become more twisted
112
00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:36,294
than the balloon animals they
wrap their creepy hands around.
113
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,588
We only hope
that by showing it on TV,
114
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,173
no one goes out and copies it.
115
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,883
Now, let's tell you
how it's done.
116
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,468
Send your copycat videos
117
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:47,430
to "Kent's Krazy Klown Karnival
of Kartoon Karnage."
118
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:51,601
(silly laughing)
119
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,603
(children screaming)
120
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:59,192
(silly laughing)
121
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,610
(yells)
122
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,994
♪ Upside down and inside out,
and you can feel it... ♪
123
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,038
(silly laughing)
124
00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:14,040
(screams)
125
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:17,043
(all yelling)
126
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:20,296
Oh, no. No. Now people have
to judge us by our music.
127
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,714
We're doomed.
128
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,508
MAN:
20 seconds to air.
129
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:26,135
How many times have I told you
not to wake me
130
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,012
till it's two seconds to air?
131
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,472
Krusty, I have to warn you.
132
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,183
People's attitudes
have changed about...
133
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,852
Hey-hey, kids!
(laughs)
134
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,270
(screaming)
135
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,314
Calm down, children.
I'm here.
136
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,109
The shirtless man
with the bone through his skull
137
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:44,654
and a grass skirt
with nothing down under.
138
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,906
(screaming)
139
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:49,117
I tried to warn you.
140
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,743
People hate clowns now.
141
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,662
And the advertisers
want to meet with you.
142
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,664
(screaming)
143
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:56,249
(sighs)
144
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,088
What is it with Bart
and these pranks?
145
00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:03,881
-I don't get it.
-I don't know.
146
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,299
Boys will be boys.
147
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,843
That's another thing
I don't get.
148
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,053
What does that mean?
Spoons will be spoons.
149
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,139
But they don't make you go
to juvenile court
150
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:12,723
at 8:00 in the morning.
151
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,725
Yo. If we hurry, we can get
those breakfast burritos
152
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,103
-they serve at the courthouse.
-Those are good, Marge.
153
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,729
BAILIFF:
Children's Court of Springfield
154
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,273
is now in session.
155
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,608
Apologies.
Divorced dad, no sitter.
156
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,735
That must be really tough,
Judge.
157
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,863
I raised a turtle by myself.
Pure hell.
158
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,323
Milhouse said he'd help,
and he just walked away.
159
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,783
Let me look at your file, son.
160
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,577
Your Honor,
I can save you some time.
161
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,371
I've done it all: juvie,
state juvie, groovy juvie,
162
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,207
the Montessori prison,
Outward and Inward Bound.
163
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,668
So you're down
to fry me or free me.
164
00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:43,921
What can I say?
I'm a widdle dickens.
165
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:51,596
Well, Bart, based on the ancient
judicial principle
166
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,681
"boys will be boys..."
(chuckles)
167
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:56,309
Mm-hmm.
168
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:59,270
-...I'm going to hand down
a suspended...
-No!
169
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,773
-Marge, for once, let us
get rich people justice.
-No.
170
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:06,402
Judge, I love my son,
but he's got a real problem.
171
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,489
-He needs to learn the meaning
of consequences.
-Huh?
172
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,076
Bart, I sentence you to 28 days
173
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,663
at the Tomorrow's New Horizons
Addiction Rehab Center
174
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,374
and General Rotten Time Ranch.
175
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,545
Mom, how could you
do that to me?
176
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:28,341
-Yeah, Mom.
-Because I love you, Bart.
177
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,301
And a mother's toughest job
is saying
178
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,095
"Help me.
My kid has a problem."
179
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,182
I do not! All I ask is, Dad,
while I'm gone,
180
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,309
will you hold onto my can
of peanut brittle?
181
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:40,978
(sniffles)
Anything for you, son.
182
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,355
(shrieks)
Snakes!
183
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,357
Gotcha!
(laughs crazily)
184
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,983
Why you little...!
185
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:51,155
Oh. The snakes
ate all the peanut brittle.
186
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,990
I don't know.
187
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,201
I don't know
if I did the right thing.
188
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,786
Comfort me.
189
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,997
Oh, Marge, part of being
a parent is doing things
190
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,625
that'll make your child
never speak to you again.
191
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,210
(cries)
192
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,337
Oh, no, honey,
I didn't mean "never."
193
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,089
Definitely on his deathbed.
194
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:09,757
(sobbing)
195
00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,300
When he's dying.
196
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,052
Oh!
197
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:16,013
I had to do it.
I had to do it.
198
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,808
He was out of control.
Look what he did to Krusty.
199
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,604
I feel terrible for his writers.
200
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,065
-(gasps)
-I beat you
201
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,233
if you don't flip sign.
202
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,569
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip!
203
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:36,951
What are you here for?
To laugh at me?
204
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,245
-No.
-Please laugh at me!
205
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,372
I don't exist
unless you laugh at me!
206
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,374
(sobbing)
207
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,459
Look what you've done to me!
208
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,549
(gasps)
He looks just like me!
209
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,301
And Maggie looks just like Lisa.
210
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,053
And Milhouse's mother looks
just like Milhouse's father.
211
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,347
Why is this universe so lazy?
212
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,765
Never mind that.
213
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,642
Krusty, our son's prank
caused this.
214
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,810
We're gonna help you.
215
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,478
Ah, forget it.
I'm finished.
216
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,063
Oh! (sobs)
217
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,940
-Wait, wait.
-KRUSTY: What?
218
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,108
You can still work.
219
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,359
What if you gave up comedy
220
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,695
and transitioned
to serious acting?
221
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,238
Eh, impossible.
222
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,449
I've never shown genuine emotion
in my life.
223
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:18,659
I'm even reading this
off a card.
224
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:22,705
Okay, next card.
225
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,624
But seriously,
I gotta speak from the--
226
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,459
next card-- heart.
227
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,210
I can't be a dramatic actor.
228
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,755
I have all the depth
of a foot bath.
229
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:33,341
Next card. Skip that one.
Next card.
230
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,968
A lot of funny actors
have transitioned to drama:
231
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,928
Tom Hanks, Albert Brooks.
232
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,388
I'm not convinced.
233
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,973
-Michael Keaton.
-I'm in.
234
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,767
-Zach Braff.
-Now I'm not so sure.
235
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,811
-Bryan Cranston.
-I'm in. And hopeful.
236
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:49,982
Greetings!
237
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,110
I am your director,
Llewellyn Sinclair,
238
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,613
and you are the Barbies and Kens
239
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,198
whom I shall pose
240
00:10:57,281 --> 00:11:00,159
in my Malibu beach house
of thespic triumph.
241
00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:02,453
My choice for our play
is Arthur Miller's
242
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:04,372
Death of a Salesman.
243
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,541
However, the rights
cost too much,
244
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,878
so we'll be doing this knockoff
version, The Salesman's Bad Day.
245
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,338
(confused muttering)
246
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,465
Don't worry, the text
is just Play-Doh
247
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,384
to be extruded through
the Fun Factory
248
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,844
of my Tony Award-watching
genius.
249
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:22,139
To play Willie Salesman, please
welcome the man who's taking
250
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:25,559
a bold leap into
intentional unfunniness,
251
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,978
and giving me
a ride home tonight,
252
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,690
and maybe more, hmm?
253
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,942
Mr. Herschel Krustofsky.
254
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,569
Hey-hey. Let me see the script.
255
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,822
My line. My line. Garbage.
256
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:39,198
Garbage. My line.
257
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,574
(sighs)
I don't know.
258
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:42,201
Should I really be doing this?
259
00:11:42,284 --> 00:11:43,744
I'm an out-of-work has-been
260
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,455
whose next logical step
is to take his own life.
261
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,667
And that's exactly what
Death of a Salesman is about.
262
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,044
I thought this was
The Salesman's Bad Day.
263
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,546
And that's exactly what I said.
264
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,506
Anyone hear different?
I thought not!
265
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,591
But Krusty,
the part of Willie Loman,
266
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,760
I mean "Salesman,"
is perfect for you.
267
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:01,262
You'll just be playing yourself.
268
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,764
-Can I play someone I like?
-No.
269
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:11,731
I know he can't see me,
but can he still feel my love?
270
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:14,442
I'm afraid
the glass blocks that, too.
271
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:15,943
Oh.
272
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:19,280
Marge, I promise
I will make your boy whole.
273
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:22,032
I want to believe that so much.
274
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,118
I'll never forget
how peaceful he was
275
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:27,747
in those moments before he took
his very first breath.
276
00:12:36,505 --> 00:12:39,341
Bart, you act like you don't
have a problem,
277
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,719
but deep down,
you know you need help.
278
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,846
No way. I am awesome.
279
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:47,475
Sit down and I'll elaborate.
(chuckles)
280
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:49,894
Um, I think I'll need some help.
281
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,480
Uh, Marge,
could you come in here?
282
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,899
Please, take my seat.
283
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,067
(dramatic music plays)
284
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,497
We need to get
to the bottom of this.
285
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,332
Right to the point.
286
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,708
No, no, no!
287
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,085
Oh, well, maybe I should try
a different tack.
288
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,171
(dramatic music continues)
289
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,967
Mom, don't sit down!
I don't want to hurt you.
290
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,721
Okay, you just completed
step one: learning empathy.
291
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,766
(grumbles) Ow!
292
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:29,934
Pop, look.
293
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,102
I am losing the weight.
294
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,188
Come on, Krusty!
295
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,690
There's raw emotion
just beneath your surface.
296
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,025
Frack it!
297
00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:39,693
Oh, I don't know, I'm scared.
298
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,612
The theater is not for cowards.
299
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,739
All I ask for
is integrity and honesty
300
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,282
in The Salesman's Bad Day.
301
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,867
Title may change.
302
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,537
Now, Herschel,
summon that talent you've hidden
303
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,456
from the entire world
for 60 years.
304
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,167
(sobbing):
I can't!
305
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,211
(sobbing continues)
306
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:01,423
Hershel, my son, listen to me
and listen good.
307
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,176
You are a once-in-a-generation
performer.
308
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,553
You think so?
309
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,721
No! I was faking it.
310
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,640
And if I can do it, so can you.
311
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,892
And now, become a great actor.
312
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,228
And now, sense memory.
313
00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,563
-And now, be present.
-(groans)
314
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:16,772
And articulate!
315
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,315
-And we breathe.
-Oh, okay.
316
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,734
And great actor.
317
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,986
I'm sorry, my sons.
318
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:23,279
Clench butt.
319
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,780
I'm finished as a salesman.
320
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,407
Clenchier.
321
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,951
The only thing I have left
worth anything is...
322
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,911
Transport me to another plane.
323
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:32,663
...my life insurance.
324
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:35,332
But, Pop, that only pays off
if you're...
325
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,750
Big pause.
326
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,296
Dead.
327
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,423
Your pop is gonna go out
on his route, boys.
328
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,091
One last time.
329
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,885
No, Pop. No.
330
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,596
Tell your mother I'm sorry
about the woman in Boston!
331
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:51,932
Also, my death is a metaphor
for American industry!
332
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,350
(car horns honking)
333
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,352
(crashing)
334
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,104
I'm doing it. I'm doing it!
335
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:00,566
And I'll be fine, unless I get
those voices in my head.
336
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:03,027
You can't act.
(laughs)
337
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,778
Uh-oh.
338
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,406
You're a clown, and that's all
you'll ever be.
339
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,617
And when you die,
they'll be playing this:
340
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,201
-(sings carnival calliope music)
-No.
341
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,786
No. Stop it.
342
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,914
-No! No! No!
-(singing continues)
343
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,498
Ugh. Ah!
344
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,584
Anything wrong, Krusty?
345
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,794
Only what's tormented me
my entire life.
346
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,922
Very good.
See you tomorrow.
347
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:30,846
(organ music playing)
348
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,933
Reverend,
I'm here for my last step:
349
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,518
to make amends
for the rotten things I've done.
350
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:37,645
Oh, fine.
351
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:40,648
Let me get into uniform.
352
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,858
I'm sorry I cut
all the Bible ribbons short
353
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,401
so no one could
mark their place.
354
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,736
Why you son of a...
355
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,072
(train whistle blowing)
356
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,744
Willie, I'm sorry
I shaved your beard.
357
00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,163
I've had to wear a merkin
on me face.
358
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:57,831
(groans)
359
00:15:57,915 --> 00:16:00,084
I also had the blades removed
from your lawnmower.
360
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,752
You've just been riding around.
361
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:03,879
No one interferes
with me mowing!
362
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,173
And I'm sorry I used
your baseball chalker
363
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:07,883
to write "Skinner Sucks."
364
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,511
I'll show you who su...
Wait, you can do that?
365
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,096
Please don't encourage me.
366
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,056
(both laughing)
367
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,724
Thank you for encouraging me.
368
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,601
Ugh, we're out of chalk.
369
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:21,230
(laughs) You know,
I had just completed rehab.
370
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,315
Well, me, too.
371
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,195
America loves a lot of things,
372
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,447
but I never dreamed
a comeback was one of them.
373
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,657
-Tell me, Krusty.
-No, no.
374
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:32,908
No more of the "K" word.
375
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,326
I'm a serious actor now.
376
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,245
If only my father could see me.
377
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:39,707
Oh, I see you.
Son, you used to be a putz.
378
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:41,750
Now you're a putz
trying to be a schmendrick,
379
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,460
which makes you a schmeckle.
380
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:45,504
Get out of my head!
381
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,675
Yet another puff piece
that ends in madness.
382
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,594
I know you lost the love
of Linda Ellerbee
383
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,513
while we were launching the luge
384
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,015
at the Olympics in Lillehammer.
385
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,766
B-B-B-Brokaw!
386
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:03,564
Bart Simpson cured of pranking?
387
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,274
I never thought I'd see it.
388
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,192
And you haven't.
Look up there.
389
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,902
Water balloons, ready to drop.
390
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,654
(Milhouse gasps)
391
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:14,033
It's times like this
I'm glad I have eyebrows.
392
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:16,618
(Bart humming)
393
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:17,745
(gasps)
394
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,414
Sweetie, I've never
been prouder of you.
395
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:25,169
I knew my little bad seed
could bloom into a flower.
396
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:27,546
You're proud of me?
397
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,386
That's right.
Now go give that speech
398
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,514
and know that sitting in that
audience will be your mother,
399
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,350
who's always believed in you.
400
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,436
(groans)
401
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,817
Nothing can rain
on my parade today.
402
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,572
I... I... I... Run!
403
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,324
(audience exclaiming)
404
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,078
(screaming)
405
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:01,205
Simpson!
406
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,539
(laughs)
407
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,625
Motherhood sucks.
408
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:08,378
(humming)
409
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:10,506
(chuckles)
Boys will be boys.
410
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,216
(murmurs angrily)
411
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:13,634
Aah!
412
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,427
You can't come in here.
413
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,513
This is the
"boys will be boys" room.
414
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,098
(Homer shrieks)
415
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:24,770
Tonight, you will make
theatrical history.
416
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,730
You'll take a play
that has been seen
417
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:30,526
all over the world more times
than man can count,
418
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,778
and you will do
the best version ever.
419
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,781
How do I know?
Because I just took six Valiums!
420
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,283
See you outside.
421
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,454
You'll never get rid of me.
422
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:45,124
You'll always be
a self-hating clown.
423
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,209
(groans)
424
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:52,047
When I was 17,
I walked into the Amazon.
425
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,299
The company, not the river.
426
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052
And when I was 21, I walked out.
427
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:01,014
And, man, was I loaded.
428
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,600
Thank you, Jeff Bezos.
429
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,144
Listen to your uncle, boys.
430
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,854
He's a great man.
431
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,897
The audience is quiet.
That means you're bombing.
432
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,566
Quick, you got to get a laugh.
433
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,151
Drop your pants,
show your fanny.
434
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,652
You know, your "A" material.
435
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,320
Get out of my head.
436
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,197
-I... (grunts) am... (grunts)
-(audience laughing)
437
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,782
...a serious actor!
438
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,326
(grunting)
439
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,453
Laughs?
I'm getting laughs.
440
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,873
-And not from a machine.
-Go with it.
441
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,374
♪ I'm a salesman ♪
442
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,001
♪ A dying salesman ♪
443
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:30,460
♪ I'm Willie Loman ♪
444
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,920
♪ Just watch me go, man ♪
445
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,380
♪ I'm gonna suck ♪
446
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,549
♪ That old gas pipe ♪
447
00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,342
♪ Pipe, pipe. ♪
448
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,094
(inhales)
449
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,972
Whatever doesn't kill me
makes the play longer. (laughs)
450
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:43,307
(audience cheers, applauds)
451
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:48,520
This play will run forever.
452
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,689
Okay, but now that I'm
big again,
453
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:53,108
I can't work Tuesdays,
Thursdays,
454
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,861
the month of July,
or Toronto Raptors' home games.
455
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,696
I'm the Spike Lee of that team.
456
00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,657
Ah, standard exemptions.
I love it.
457
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,995
♪ He fails at everything
he can ♪
458
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:07,122
♪ His sons can't stand
their old man ♪
459
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,498
♪ It's sell, sell, sell ♪
460
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,668
♪ Till he dies, dies, dies ♪
461
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,588
♪ In a car crash. ♪
462
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:17,174
All's well that ends well.
463
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,551
How did it end well?
He's ruining my play.
464
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:22,179
Well, don't worry. You've got
plenty of other good plays.
465
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,223
Oh, wait. You don't.
466
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,808
Hey, I'm America's
greatest playwright.
467
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,685
Exactly.
468
00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,149
Shh!
469
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:20,988
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH