1 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:06,297 Whoa! 2 00:00:06,381 --> 00:00:08,383 (car horns honking) 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,848 (intro to "Another Day of Sun" tune from La La Land) 4 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,560 ♪ Another Springfield day ♪ 5 00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:22,188 ♪ A truly perfect place to see your dreams just fade away ♪ 6 00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:26,026 ♪ Working at the plant's fried everything inside my pants ♪ 7 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:30,280 ♪ Good-bye to all romance ♪ 8 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:34,617 ♪ All I've got to show for 20 years or so is you ♪ 9 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,245 -Carl! -Prescription pain pills! 10 00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,205 ♪ I have a law degree ♪ 11 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,166 ♪ For years I've smelled just like cat pee ♪ 12 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:42,834 ♪ This town just drags you down ♪ 13 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,711 ♪ She's completely lost her head ♪ 14 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,880 ♪ And we will eat her when she's dead ♪ 15 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,382 ♪ It really shouldn't be too long ♪ 16 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:52,844 -♪ Cats! Cats! Cats! ♪ -♪ She'll be our dinner ♪ 17 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,721 ♪ This truly is an awful town ♪ 18 00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:56,681 ♪ The water's green, the sky is brown ♪ 19 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,475 ♪ Pope Francis came, he turned around ♪ 20 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,518 ♪ Our strongest bridge just holds ten pounds ♪ 21 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,187 ♪ We're poisoned by a greedy clown ♪ 22 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,564 ♪ Kang-a-roo meat! ♪ 23 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:08,109 ♪ Traffic suffers from paralysis ♪ 24 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,946 Please. I'm late for my dialysis. 25 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:13,948 ♪ It's another Springfield day ♪ 26 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,867 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 27 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:17,702 ♪ I'm too sad to say olé ♪ 28 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:20,288 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 29 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:21,790 ♪ We've lost our coolest gays ♪ 30 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,792 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 31 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,835 Duffman thinks this town's okay! 32 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,504 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 33 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,965 ♪ It's another Springfield day! ♪ 34 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:32,634 (people screaming) 35 00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:35,970 (laughing) Lenny's a survivor! 36 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,972 LISA: ♪ This will be a perfect day ♪ 37 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,141 ♪ No way to go outside and play ♪ 38 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,684 ♪ And so we're on our way ♪ 39 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,145 ♪ To a very nerdy science conference ♪ 40 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,064 ♪ Ba-ba ba-ba-dum ba-dum, ba-ba ♪ 41 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,732 ♪ Bum-bum, ba-ba-dum, ba-da, ba-ba ♪ 42 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,150 Take it Bart! 43 00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,693 If you're givin' it, I don't want it. 44 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,362 Bring it home, boy. 45 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:55,907 ♪ My sister sucks! ♪ 46 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,159 Nyah, nyah. 47 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,746 ♪ It's another perfect day! ♪ 48 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,289 I brought my stems. 49 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,791 Sir, this is a conference 50 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:08,419 of Science, Technology, Engineering and Math. 51 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,088 What about this one? 52 00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:12,507 Dialogue on Pediatric Education. 53 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,425 (whooshing) 54 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,844 (mumbling) 55 00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,513 I find this claim highly doyvik. 56 00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:21,516 It's all true according to the highly-prestigious 57 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,393 Institute for Purchased Science. 58 00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,270 Here's our top scientist now. 59 00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,730 Sir, I-I don't think this is fooling anyone. 60 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,108 Quiet! And put on the monocle, Professor Noodle-Strudel. 61 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:33,194 (Smithers sighs) 62 00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,113 -So where's your booth? -I don't have one. 63 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,824 -I just came here for fun. -Fun?! 64 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,742 One child, please. 65 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,119 I was here first. 66 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:43,955 If disco's dead, I don't want to live. 67 00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,207 It's Stuicide! 68 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,710 Self-unrolling yoga mats. 69 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,712 (rhythmic whirring) 70 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:54,340 Artificial intelligence that writes TV recaps. 71 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:58,469 Stranger Things suffers from season two fatigue. 72 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:01,598 And look! IMAX Al Gore! 73 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:05,476 If every family could just reduce their carbon footprint 74 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,604 by ten percent... 75 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,272 Oh, it's hopeless. 76 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,940 The floods are comin', people! 77 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,193 This is my Woodstock! 78 00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:15,904 (woozy laugh) 79 00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,614 You okay, honey? 80 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,073 (slurring words): It's fine. It's fine. 81 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:21,284 I'm just intellectually drunk. 82 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:23,828 Mm. I guess that's okay. 83 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,997 Marge, Marge, Marge, you lighten up. 84 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,373 It's science. 85 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:28,833 Maybe you should sit down. 86 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,669 I ain't sittin'. I'm ready to fly! 87 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:33,338 Hmm. 88 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:40,678 Hey, kid, I want to show you something. 89 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,263 Are you a pervert? 90 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,890 No. A chemical engineer. 91 00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,975 (crying): No! 92 00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,477 I used to be like you. 93 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,437 You mean incredibly bored? 94 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,814 Oh, let's see if you think this is boring. 95 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,567 I drop a little water on powdered sodium... 96 00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:55,818 BART: Huh?! 97 00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,278 Wow! 98 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,030 Listen, I don't know what you're teaching, 99 00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:00,949 but you and I have great chemistry. 100 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,450 Except for the lab coat. 101 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,619 It makes you look kind of heavy. 102 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:07,664 I actually am kind of heavy, and it makes me look thinner! 103 00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:11,042 I don't know what could make this day more perfect. 104 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,253 (jazz plays on piano) 105 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:14,879 (gasps) 106 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,427 You didn't applaud. Nothing. 107 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,513 Here, I'll show ya how it goes. 108 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,976 Thank you. No selfies. 109 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,144 LISA: In a lesser musician, that boy's attitude 110 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,563 would be needy masquerading as arrogance. 111 00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,399 I'm leaving if he can't sing. 112 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:37,068 ♪ I've had my share of crazy flings ♪ 113 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:39,529 ♪ But they all end up leavin' ♪ 114 00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:43,574 ♪ And leavin', well, it really stings... ♪ 115 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,577 LISA: Oh, God. He's one small step away 116 00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,497 from destroying all my logic and reason. 117 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,208 ♪ ♪ 118 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,127 Ah. Ah. Ah. 119 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,712 MILHOUSE: Hey, Lisa. 120 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:59,590 I brought you three waters: cold, lukewarm and warm. 121 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,635 -That's nice. Any sparkling? -Damn it! 122 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:08,141 Hi. I'm Lisa Simpson, and I'm nervous 123 00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,601 about saying anything that will ruin this perfect moment. 124 00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,270 My name's Brendan. 125 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,605 Oh, good, good. No last names. 126 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,941 Don't want things moving too fast. 127 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,736 Oh! I hope our children get his hair. 128 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,030 Now to subtly find out how old he is. 129 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:23,740 How old are you? 130 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,451 Well, I'm 11, but I'm insouciant at a 12th grade level, 131 00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:27,869 and I'm talented, too. 132 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,537 (laughs) So unfair, right? 133 00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:33,041 That's amazing, because the boys I know are re... 134 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,542 I've got sparkling! 135 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,210 Sorry, I'm not thirsty anymore. 136 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,920 Damn it! 137 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,673 Um, so w-where do you go to school? 138 00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,508 I just moved here. I'm starting next week 139 00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:44,052 at a school called Springfield Elementary. 140 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,220 I see it got a few dreadful reviews on Yelp. 141 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,431 This guy called "Gary Chalmers" gave it half a star. 142 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:49,849 Bloody hell! 143 00:05:49,932 --> 00:05:52,477 Of all the K through sixes in this world, 144 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,479 you had to walk into mine. 145 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:58,191 A beautiful hotel bar! Just like in The Shining! 146 00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,610 Oh, hi, lee... tle girl. 147 00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:03,571 If you see your ma... uh, ma wife, 148 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:07,408 tell her Homer-- not your dad-- wants the credit card. 149 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,369 I will... sir. 150 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:11,871 -Sir? I'm your dad. -D'oh! 151 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,289 MAN (German accent): Today, we are performing 152 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,708 an experiment that we humorously call 153 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:18,252 "making elephant toothpaste." 154 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:21,255 Boy, the Germans sure know their humor. 155 00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,508 Let's just hope they know something about chemistry. 156 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:28,304 First, add a tablespoon of dish soap to hydrogen peroxide, 157 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:31,265 then add the warm water and the yeast! 158 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,812 (explosion) 159 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,814 Aah! German chemistry! 160 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,607 -(whimpering) -(boys laughing) 161 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:42,276 (saxophone and piano play lively, upbeat jazz) 162 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,452 Sounds great, Lisa. Really great. 163 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,287 You're just a little behind the beat. 164 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:56,124 Uh, maybe you're a little ahead? 165 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,293 Aw, you're so cute when you're wrong. 166 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:01,546 -Channel that rage! -No! 167 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,381 Make that reed pay for my sins! 168 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:06,175 (playing lively jazz) 169 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,969 Yeah! 170 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:10,430 -(banging on wall) -HOMER: Knock off that racket! 171 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,181 It's not a racket! 172 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,684 It's the truest American art form! 173 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,937 Banging on the walls is the truest American art form, 174 00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,522 and I'm a Picasso! 175 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,482 (banging rhythmically to music) 176 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:24,318 Oh, no! They're playing in time to the beat of my banging! 177 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,863 Well, then stop banging. 178 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,282 I can't. The rhythm is infectious. 179 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,492 (banging rhythmically to music) 180 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,169 Here's the school trophy case. 181 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,337 If you look closely, it's empty. 182 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,840 They're actually decals on the glass. 183 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,344 -Oh, hello, Lisa. -(gasps) 184 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,971 I see you have a new friend. 185 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,182 Brendan, this is Nelson. 186 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,517 Lisa, you sure know a lot of weird guys. 187 00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,019 Hello, Brenda. 188 00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:00,521 Excuse me. Why is being a girl an insult? 189 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:02,607 Ah! So evolved! 190 00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:05,359 Lisa, are you squishy for this ding-dong? 191 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:08,237 Lisa, does that fat kid like you? 192 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,700 (laughs) Whatever we had, it's in the past. 193 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,581 I think there's something in the water in this town. 194 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,627 (whistles) 195 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,589 (laughter) 196 00:08:26,672 --> 00:08:28,341 Oh, man. 197 00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,176 ♪ On a playground I tripped ♪ 198 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,677 (girls sigh) 199 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,096 ♪ Then I saw you and flipped ♪ 200 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,182 He used "flipped" with a double meaning! 201 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,767 Bastard! 202 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,019 ♪ Now I'm skippin' ♪ 203 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:43,022 ♪ And trippin' for you. ♪ 204 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:45,358 He turned his suffering into entertainment, 205 00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:46,943 just like the Jewish people! 206 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,362 Nothing can ruin this moment. 207 00:08:49,445 --> 00:08:51,322 Make way. Dead gophers. 208 00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,865 Nothing! 209 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,576 (lively jazz playing) 210 00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:57,828 How can you be sleeping?! 211 00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,831 (grunting) 212 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,708 Oh, thank God. 213 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:07,129 Meanwhile, Bart's teacher says he has a flair for chemistry. 214 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,631 Why that little... 215 00:09:08,714 --> 00:09:11,133 Wait. Flair? Isn't that a good thing? 216 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,010 Yes. It's too good. 217 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:16,013 -(whistling) -(liquid gurgling) 218 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:19,600 (gargling) 219 00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,477 Why don't you ask him what he's up to? 220 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,064 Because if he lies to me, it's like a dagger in my heart. 221 00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:28,442 What happens when-- I mean if-- I ever lie to you? 222 00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,736 Can you find out what he's really up to? 223 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:32,863 -I will. -See? That's a lie right there. 224 00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,199 D'oh! Okay, I really will. 225 00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,159 -That's also a lie. -D'oh! 226 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,620 Fine. I really, really, really will. 227 00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:41,706 Finally, the truth. 228 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,499 (Homer panting heavily) 229 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,209 HOMER: Keeping... promise. 230 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,044 (Homer panting heavily) 231 00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,546 Stupid tree house. 232 00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,965 (panting) So far off the ground. 233 00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,466 (panting heavily) 234 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,844 Uh, Dad, you haven't even started to climb yet. 235 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,013 I have to visualize it first. 236 00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,140 (groans) 237 00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,225 Thanks, guys. 238 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,643 Ah, no problem. 239 00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,228 Why did we do that, Chief? 240 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,147 Fat man courtesy, Lou. 241 00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,898 Fat man courtesy. 242 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:10,359 Son, how do I put this? 243 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,737 Are you breaking bad up here? 244 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,238 No, I'm not. 245 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,490 And if you're looking for meth, go see Cletus. 246 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,659 -What?! -(beeps) 247 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:23,914 Meth Life, proud sponsor of the 2020 Opioid Olympics! 248 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,499 (squeals) 249 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,377 Ooh, that's street ready! 250 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,838 Dad, I'm just trying to follow in your footsteps. 251 00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:33,674 You work in science, and I think that's really cool. 252 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,135 Wow, you've never said that to me before. 253 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,346 Do you want to go to work with me today? 254 00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:39,930 You can help me research my theory 255 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,932 that the chairs can go flat. 256 00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:45,895 I'd like to, but I've got to do some colloidal titration. 257 00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,146 (Homer whimpers) 258 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,982 Marge, it's worse than we thought. 259 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,317 He's speaking in tongues. 260 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,818 He's a religious weirdo. 261 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,153 The worst thing there is. 262 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,905 Cover your eyes, boys-- 263 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:59,450 I'm about to flip Mr. Simpson the "Flanders finger." 264 00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:01,369 (gasps) You mean... 265 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:04,747 Yup-- a thumbs-up without a friendly wink. 266 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,832 (boys whimpering) 267 00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,503 You have a credit card? 268 00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,088 Yeah, but no money. 269 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:14,757 Oh, a true jazz musician. 270 00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,350 ♪ ♪ 271 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,446 (exclaims) Just give the ice cream back. 272 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,074 No way. It was really hard to scoop. 273 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,119 (door bell tinkles) 274 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,454 Prepare to have your ears belted. 275 00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:51,335 ♪ My funny valentine ♪ 276 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:54,839 ♪ Sweet, comic valentine ♪ 277 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:55,840 Nelson? 278 00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,634 ♪ You make me smile ♪ 279 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,595 ♪ With my heart ♪ 280 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,641 Stop! Why are you doing this? 281 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,310 I don't know. There's no good word for what I feel. 282 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,480 Scared and excited at the same time. 283 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,482 There is a word: vulnerable. 284 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,609 "Vulner-able"? 285 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,363 Yup. I always liked you, 286 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,324 but now I'm seeing you in a new light. 287 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,290 ♪ Your looks are laughable ♪ 288 00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,750 Haw-haw! 289 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,586 ♪ Unphotographable ♪ 290 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,756 ♪ But you're my favorite ♪ 291 00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:38,841 (off-key): ♪ Work of art ♪ 292 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:39,842 (low): ♪ Art ♪ 293 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:40,926 (lower): ♪ Art ♪ 294 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,052 (way off-key): ♪ Art. ♪ 295 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:43,679 Nailed it. (grunts) 296 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,020 And so now there's a jazz war over me. 297 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,689 It's pretty bad. But it's pretty great. 298 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,318 Uh-huh. Scotland once had two queens fightin' over her. 299 00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,069 Loser got Scotland. 300 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,988 Of course, Brendan is the superior artist. 301 00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,615 But that kind of intimidates me. 302 00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,325 And Nelson's rough, but he's sweet. 303 00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,826 Plus he thinks I have dimples. 304 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,120 Dimples? It's that serious? 305 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,664 -(Scottish accent): Aye. -Let me give ye advice on love. 306 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,626 The Scottish national flower is the thistle. 307 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:15,628 A humble weed. Legend has it 308 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,421 that the Norse King Haakon 309 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,799 staged a surprise invasion. 310 00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:22,968 But his barefooted army stepped on thistles, 311 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:26,055 and their screams awakened the sleepy Scots. 312 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,852 Many a Norwegian lass lamented their dead lover 313 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,188 -on that glorious day. -SKINNER: Willie, 314 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:37,024 someone spiked the teachers' vodka with sulfuric acid. 315 00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:39,360 Superintendent Chalmers lost the tip of his tongue. 316 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,945 Kin-ner! 317 00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:43,405 (sighs) 318 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,282 Lisa, this is a song about you. 319 00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,576 -A kid who's almost there. -(grumbles) 320 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,578 And when you get there, you'll blow the roof off. 321 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,746 Oh. 322 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,832 ♪ ♪ 323 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:59,046 Yeah, well, I brought my washboard. 324 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:02,341 (scraping) 325 00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,802 Nelson. You took our washboard. 326 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:08,556 I got thongs to scrub. 327 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,808 I really can't believe 328 00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:12,101 that this is a choice. 329 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,352 I mean, look at me. 330 00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,728 And look at him. 331 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,814 And then look back at me. 332 00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,942 Hmm, they're quiet. 333 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,694 Too quiet. 334 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:23,696 (Bart and Milhouse laugh) 335 00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,030 Now they're loud. 336 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,323 Too loud. 337 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,700 (Bart and Milhouse chuckle) 338 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,702 Now they're just right. 339 00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:31,328 Too just right. 340 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,455 Are you sure Bart's not planning anything? 341 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,457 A boy takes his cues from his mother. 342 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:38,043 If I trust him, then he'll be good. 343 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,337 Hey, don't knock my mother's method-- 344 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,464 complete abandonment from age five. 345 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,134 (Bart and Milhouse giggle) 346 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,135 HOMER: Hmm. 347 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,387 The school talent show. 348 00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,890 And on the back, chemical equations. 349 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,433 Still think he's innocent? 350 00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,852 We'll just have to go there and see. 351 00:14:57,479 --> 00:15:00,399 You wanted rock candy, you got rock candy. 352 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:01,775 Mmm. 353 00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,944 Brendan and Nelson are fighting. 354 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:07,615 I'm getting Daddy's gun to under-arrest them. 355 00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:08,616 Oh, no. 356 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,826 I'm gonna call you decrescendo, 357 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,912 'cause you're goin' down. 358 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,496 Nelson, that's clever. 359 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,666 Thanks. For you, I read a book. 360 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,669 All right, Ralphie, easy, easy. 361 00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,755 Give Daddy back his hat. 362 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:27,593 Oh, you missed everything, just like Daddy. 363 00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,554 (saxophone playing) 364 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,016 Ugh, so many clams. 365 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,811 Well, you're gonna look very nice for the show tonight. 366 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,189 It doesn't matter how I look, I'm not ready. 367 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,733 I've been so distracted by those boys. 368 00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,318 How did you choose Dad? 369 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:45,861 And never regret it? 370 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,821 HOMER: Marge, I might've swallowed 371 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,907 a couple of your earrings. 372 00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,577 Gotta go. 373 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,205 (Marge humming) 374 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:59,500 I do not want to know how you got these back. 375 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,418 So, we're really doing it. 376 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,462 We're going to a talent show 377 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:06,757 where Bart is putting on a chemistry demonstration. 378 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,133 Have I got that right? 379 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,469 If our faces get melted off today, 380 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,721 I want the last thing Bart sees 381 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,848 to be us believing in him. 382 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,142 Fine, fine. Let me just finish my will. 383 00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,649 And... (exclaims) 384 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,859 Oh, it's good to have that taken care of. 385 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,195 (orchestra warming up) 386 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:31,281 (singing scales): ♪ Haw-haw-haw, haw-haw-haw, haw. ♪ 387 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:32,908 Nelson? A word? 388 00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,368 Take five, Martin. 389 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,036 I'm not even in your act. 390 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,455 -I said take five. -(whimpers) 391 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,040 Ooh! 392 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:42,668 Nelson, I cherish our unhealthy relationship. 393 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,379 Especially the fact that I can tell you the truth. 394 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,464 Kiddo, you're not a singer. 395 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,383 Okay, fine, I won't sing. 396 00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,093 But I'll still perform. 397 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:54,304 That's how much I want to hold your stupid hand. 398 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:55,556 Oh. 399 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,891 You're up, Nelson. 400 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,812 Hello. 401 00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,731 I'm the school bully. 402 00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,691 (audience booing) 403 00:17:05,774 --> 00:17:07,067 Aw, don't be a dingus. 404 00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,652 I'm the next Charlie Mingus. 405 00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,029 -(gasps) -(Nelson playing bass) 406 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,697 Could I really choose him? 407 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,533 ♪ ♪ 408 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,549 (gasps) My choice is clear: Brendan. 409 00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,134 ♪ ♪ 410 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,136 -(booing) -MAN: Ooh, yeah, I feel the groove. 411 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,892 Next contestant, Brendan Beiderbecke. 412 00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,271 And Brendan wins! 413 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:45,689 (lisping): Not so fast. 414 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,775 We have a disqualification. 415 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,819 This young man does not live in the district. 416 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,405 Right, his home is 50 feet into West Springfield, 417 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,574 which means he will be transferred to a school 418 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,994 three buses and a long bike ride away from here. 419 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,871 -Brendan... -No, Lisa. 420 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,206 I can't put you through that. 421 00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,957 I guess this relationship is over 422 00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:07,461 until this town invests in mass transit. 423 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,048 (cries) 424 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:14,218 I'll never see him again. 425 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:17,012 Lisa, I'm glad you didn't choose me. 426 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,098 No woman is worth learning music. 427 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,766 All this time I've been choosing jazz 428 00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,643 over doing my reps. 429 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,937 Well, my reps never let me down. 430 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,980 Lift weights, get dates. 431 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,108 Lift weights, get dates. 432 00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,819 Well, I guess I'm alone for the moment. 433 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,654 And I like it. 434 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,405 -Good for Lisa. -She's better off alone. 435 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:36,949 She doesn't need a man. 436 00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,742 Wait a minute, everybody. Even though 437 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,786 the most interesting and emotionally compelling part 438 00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:42,788 is over, we still have one performer 439 00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,582 who says he will "blow you away." 440 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:49,044 So please welcome the original Dennis the Chemist, 441 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,629 Bart Simpson. 442 00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,714 ♪ ♪ 443 00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,763 Drop the beaker, Screwy Pasteur. 444 00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,140 (chuckles) 445 00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:03,892 No. I wasn't doing anything bad. 446 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,477 Pour the beaker and you'll see. 447 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,313 We are not gonna let you mix those chemicals. 448 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,315 We got a tip from an anonymous source 449 00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:12,192 named Seymour Skinner. 450 00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,695 Do you even know what "anonymous" means? 451 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,446 Uh, helpful? 452 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,573 (Marge groans) 453 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,074 Mom, I'm innocent. 454 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,701 You believe me, don't you? 455 00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:23,203 Oh, if he's lying, I'll never forgive him. 456 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,873 If he's telling the truth, he'll never forgive me. 457 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:29,209 (short chuckle) Glad I'm not you. 458 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:32,379 Bart, sweetie, I'll pour the beaker for you. 459 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:34,089 (yelps, whimpers) 460 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,049 (grunting) 461 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,137 ♪ ♪ 462 00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:48,187 ALL: Ooh! 463 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,314 Ah! 464 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,526 He's innocent. But then who put the sulfuric acid 465 00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:56,028 in Superintendent Chalmers' drink? 466 00:19:56,111 --> 00:19:57,571 I did. 467 00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:00,073 -Willie! Why? -Why? 468 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:03,202 Because, Seymour, I was trying to kill you. 469 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,537 (lisping): Well, that's okay. Good man. 470 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,080 -But... -Quiet, Seymour. 471 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,749 The man's got a dream. 472 00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,417 Mmm. 473 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,378 I never doubted you. 474 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,005 Well, you should have. 475 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,509 ♪ ♪ 476 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,226 (indistinct chatter, laughter) 477 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:33,023 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 478 00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:35,150 This episode was supposed to have been a parody 479 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,153 of Moonlight, not La La Land. 480 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,530 Moonlight? But none of us have seen it. 481 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,116 We have the DVD. We could watch it tonight. 482 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,452 Either that or X-Men: Apocalypse. 483 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:46,954 ALL: X-Men! 484 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,039 I'd like to see Moonlight. 485 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,164 Shh. 486 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,003 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH