1
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,341
♪ ♪
2
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:11,678
(exclaims)
3
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,768
(school bell rings)
4
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,105
(burps)
5
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,190
(whistle blows)
6
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,692
(yells)
7
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:31,239
(beeps)
8
00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,828
♪ ♪
9
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,913
(playing lively jazz music)
10
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,018
-(horn honks)
-(Grampa yells)
11
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,020
(tires screech)
12
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,232
D'oh!
13
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,901
(grunts)
14
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:10,236
(organ playing old-timey music)
15
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,616
♪ ♪
16
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,643
(organ playing upbeat version
of "The Simpsons Theme")
17
00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,536
This is Kent Brockman
on location
18
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:01,621
among the good people
of Springfield.
19
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,415
-(Kent groans)
-MAN: Coward!
20
00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:07,335
Because today, we celebrate
beautiful Skyline Park,
21
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,003
a reclamation project
built atop the ruins
22
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,381
of the Springfield Monorail.
23
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:14,175
CROWD (chanting): Monorail.
Monorail. Monorail. Monorail.
24
00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:16,636
No, they're not building
a new monorail.
25
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,638
Why not?
This one couldn't fail.
26
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,223
(chanting):
Couldn't fail. Couldn't fail.
27
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,392
(lisping):
♪ It's a monstrous creation ♪
28
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,018
♪ Of mass transportation. ♪
29
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,103
(gasps)
30
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:30,191
RALPH:
Throw me again! (giggles)
31
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,485
No, we're repurposing
the old monorail track
32
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,571
into a completely new
and original feature
33
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,072
we ripped off from New York:
34
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,868
the Springfield Skypark-Line.
35
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,286
I love this space.
36
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,121
Planters, benches,
37
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:46,791
solar-powered
talking trash cans.
38
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:50,295
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Thank you for the used porn.
39
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,921
(buzzer sounds)
40
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,756
(Homer hums, grunts)
41
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,050
Huh? (grunts)
42
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,970
(grunts)
43
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,014
Uh, okay, uh, do we go, uh,
44
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,558
gut to gut or, uh,
butt-butt to nut?
45
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:06,352
Don't worry,
we'll use the bypass board.
46
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:09,439
Okay, fatsos, suck it in.
47
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:10,690
-Oh!
-Whoa. (chuckles)
48
00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,108
(clothes squeaking)
49
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,110
(grunts):
Oh!
50
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,155
(chuckles)
I got Homer's sandwich.
51
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:18,781
I got Wiggum's gun.
52
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,075
And now, to culminate
today's events,
53
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,660
let's turn on the electricity
54
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,747
that illuminates
the tiny "no smoking" signs.
55
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:26,831
(electricity buzzes)
56
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,755
(electricity crackling)
57
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,761
Huh? Somehow the track
is getting juice!
58
00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:44,849
Yes! Now to put it
on power save.
59
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,353
The monorail-- it's alive!
60
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,896
I warned you not to...
61
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,568
(people screaming)
62
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:02,367
Ha-ha!
63
00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,453
(Wilhelm scream)
64
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,085
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Welcome, senior citizen.
65
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:14,379
(people screaming)
66
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,804
No more Nimoy!
67
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:29,352
On the positive side,
with this disaster,
68
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,980
we have surpassed
Detroit and Kabul
69
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,023
as the world's
most unlucky city.
70
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,692
Er, ah, er.
71
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:39,654
Couldn't you have at least put
little wedges under the wheels?
72
00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:42,490
Er, uh, sorry, sweetheart,
but running a city is
73
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:46,160
a little more complicated
than getting your nails done.
74
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,037
-(annoyed groan)
-Don't you worry
75
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,164
your pretty little head
about it.
76
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,709
Mr. Mayor, that is so sexist.
77
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:56,170
Uh-oh, sounds like
someone's girdle is pinching.
78
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:58,172
(laughter)
79
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,674
Well, now, it's all in fun.
80
00:04:59,757 --> 00:05:01,843
No one respects you ladies
more than I.
81
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,178
Now if you wouldn't mind
serving the coffee and cake,
82
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,180
we men can get down to business.
83
00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,473
(Marge mutters)
84
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,475
This is the last time
I'm doing this.
85
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,311
So I better do it perfectly.
86
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,438
Here you go, Dr. Hibbert.
87
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,815
-(knife chopping)
-(Marge grunting)
88
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:18,901
I can't believe Mayor Quimby
talking down to me like that.
89
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,696
And by the way, women don't
wear girdles anymore.
90
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:24,365
We wear Spanx
and other shapewear.
91
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,950
(scoffs) Tell me about it.
92
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:34,042
People think we've moved on, but
this world is as sexist as ever.
93
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,585
Thanks, Obama.
94
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,545
What's so great
about Quimby anyway?
95
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:38,921
I could cut a ribbon.
96
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,548
And I could make it curl nicely
97
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,884
using the edge
of the giant scissors.
98
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:45,053
You'd be a great mayor, Mom.
99
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,888
You're organized,
you manage the budget,
100
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:50,224
and thanks to Dad, you're
an expert on the court system.
101
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,727
Fun fact: being a defendant
gets you out of jury duty.
102
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:53,728
(chuckles)
103
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,064
Mom, this is our time.
104
00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:58,107
Wonder Woman showed
that if you're a goddess
105
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,361
with superpowers, there's
no limit to what you can do.
106
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,321
You could be mayor!
107
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,739
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
108
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:07,116
A woman prime minister, okay.
109
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,077
Women Ghostbusters, cool.
110
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,703
Woman head of
the Federal Reserve,
111
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:12,872
as far as I'm concerned,
what's that?
112
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,374
But a woman mayor?
113
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,919
If Mom becomes mayor,
we can get away with anything.
114
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,670
(hip-hop music plays)
115
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,049
Help me, Jesus!
116
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,134
(heavenly choir singing)
117
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:30,640
Pick a side.
118
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,433
(wind whistles)
119
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,811
(hip-hop music plays)
120
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,270
(laughs)
121
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,231
Hey. Where'd everybody go?
122
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:41,442
JULIO: Marge, this town
is ready for a change.
123
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,694
Quimby has been mayor,
like, forever.
124
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,530
You'd think he could
lose that sash.
125
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,615
It's like, we know, okay?
126
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:48,950
All right now, listen.
127
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,035
The key to victory
is micro-targeting.
128
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,412
Micro-targeting.
129
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,497
Think of the voters as a pie.
130
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,832
(phone rings)
131
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,126
Yes, Homer,
someone here said "pie."
132
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,794
I know, "Mmm, pie."
133
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,295
(drooling moan)
134
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:02,713
I'm sorry, go on.
135
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:06,467
Uh, we use data analysis
to divide the pie
136
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,136
into tiny little slivers
137
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,596
and tailor a message
to each micro-group.
138
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:11,973
(clears throat)
139
00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:15,143
You just tell them what they
want to hear until you get 51%.
140
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:18,146
Then you can govern
like a far-right nut-job.
141
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:21,482
MARGE (to "Oh! Susanna"):
♪ I'm Marge Simpson ♪
142
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,818
♪ And won't you vote for me? ♪
143
00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:26,487
♪ Whatever your obsession is ♪
144
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,990
♪ Is my priority. ♪
145
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:32,493
I stand with you
against revenuers.
146
00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:35,163
Oh, uh, durn revenuers!
147
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,832
Well, you's the new John Galt,
aren't you?
148
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:41,961
Hey, can you take a picture
with our Ayn Rand scarecrow?
149
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,131
(cawing)
150
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:48,342
CHORUS: ♪ From widows
to your lunch pail Joes ♪
151
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,845
♪ To vets of foreign wars ♪
152
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:53,097
♪ There's no
single-issue voter ♪
153
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,892
♪ My campaign will ignore. ♪
154
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,102
Marge, we really
appreciate this.
155
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,980
You're the first politician
that's ever met with us weirdos.
156
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:04,525
What's the biggest issue
you exotic pet owners face?
157
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,611
Keeping our pets
from eating each other.
158
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,155
Yes. As the owner
of an impala, I...
159
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,574
-Hey, where'd it go?
-Oh, boy.
160
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,869
♪ From soccer moms
to mafia dons ♪
161
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:17,663
♪ I'll give you what you need ♪
162
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,957
MARGE and CHORUS:
♪ I'm Marge Simpson ♪
163
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,793
♪ And won't you vote for me?
Yeah! ♪
164
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,880
Why do people assume
all I can do
165
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,966
is feed spaghetti to dogs
that want to make out?
166
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,301
What do you want to do?
167
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,221
Carve a little wooden boy
and make him come to life.
168
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:34,263
Oh.
169
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,349
-(Homer humming)
-♪ ♪
170
00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:45,107
Now, for our third and fourth
party candidates,
171
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:48,569
I regret to say you are just shy
of the polling results required,
172
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,404
so you're excluded
from the debate.
173
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,281
Bye-bye.
174
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,034
Mrs. Simpson, you've targeted
small constituencies.
175
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:57,036
Do you have any proposals
that would appeal
176
00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:58,871
to every Springfielder?
177
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,250
Well, Kent, I am a mom.
178
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:06,921
And as a mom, I want to help
this town eat its vegetables.
179
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:08,506
(angry murmuring)
180
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,591
(chuckles)
Vegetables, Marge?
181
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,593
As moderator,
it's my duty to fact check
182
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,345
that many of them are yucky.
183
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,930
It's a metaphor.
184
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,431
Stinkin' metaphors!
185
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,392
I only trust similes.
186
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:20,893
I enjoy metaphors.
187
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,396
They're raindrops on the flower
that is the ear.
188
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,273
You put in a "like" or an "as,"
189
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:27,441
or so help me
you are going down.
190
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,946
HELEN:
She's completely cooked.
191
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,532
Unlike the chicken
she brought to the potluck.
192
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:36,826
LOVEJOY: Oh, Helen is
as bitter as the lemonade
193
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,286
she brought to the potluck.
194
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:41,372
What a terrible potluck
that was.
195
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:43,916
SIDESHOW MEL: Why wasn't this
a town hall event?
196
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,877
I like to see them
balance on the stools.
197
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:52,800
You know, my entire life,
198
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,469
that stupid tire fire
has been burning.
199
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,346
And it's ruined our town.
200
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,016
(murmurs of agreement)
201
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,268
I promise, if you elect me,
202
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,186
I'll put that fire out.
203
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,856
(excited chatter)
204
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,107
No tire fire?
205
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,817
Ooh, just like Zurich.
206
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:10,985
-Mm.
-Mm.
207
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,989
(bell dinging)
208
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:16,532
FRINK (singsongy):
Mm-hmm!
209
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,700
Is that enough?
210
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,827
And with the last senior citizen
gently reminded
211
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,164
that they cannot vote at IHOP,
the results are now final.
212
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,498
History is made.
213
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,459
Marge Simpson is our new mayor.
214
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:30,004
The first woman and the second
to pee sitting down.
215
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,340
CROWD (chanting):
Marge! Marge! Marge!
216
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:33,924
Thank you.
217
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:38,095
Homie, you want to make out
with the mayor?
218
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,681
What? No! Ew!
219
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,850
Oh, you mean you.
220
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,853
(both laughing)
221
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:47,021
Okay.
222
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,606
Now I really wish I'd voted.
223
00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,860
♪ ♪
224
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,200
Whee! Whee!
225
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,619
Look at me!
I'm a public servant!
226
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,037
Woo-hoo!
227
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,207
KENT: And so our new mayor
is doing what was unthinkable
228
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,751
in the Quimby regime: something.
229
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,128
Roll the 'dozers!
230
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:15,132
(crowd cheering)
231
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,053
(crowd gasps)
232
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,888
Well, sorry,
233
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,350
but I-I can't let you
put me out of business.
234
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:26,060
(chuckles)
235
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:30,898
You'd ruin the air for the whole
town just to sell knickknacks?
236
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,066
Knickknacks?
237
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,859
They-they may be to you,
238
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:37,029
but, uh, they put my son
through med school.
239
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,116
He named, um, uh,
a-a stammer after me.
240
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:42,618
(stammers)
241
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,786
You know.
242
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,579
(crowd aahs)
243
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:46,747
I failed.
244
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,833
I failed on my one promise.
245
00:11:48,916 --> 00:11:51,293
(sighs): Oh.
246
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,587
And so, Marge Simpson
is already a failure.
247
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,340
The fastest fall from grace
since Mamie Eisenhower
248
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,176
destroyed a piano store
on inauguration day.
249
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,557
Hey, Mom,
want to get some lunch?
250
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,142
I'd love a lunch break,
251
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:09,270
but I've got to get
that tire fire out first.
252
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,314
Already neglecting your family,
Madam Mayor?
253
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,900
Why you little!
Don't embarrass your mother!
254
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,738
(Homer and Bart grunting)
255
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,614
(laughs)
256
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:28,497
(both laughing)
257
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,710
Guys, guys, stop!
258
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,878
I'm the mayor.
259
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:35,963
Everything you do
reflects on me.
260
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,298
Of course, honey.
261
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,133
It's just hard
to restrain yourself
262
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:40,801
when you're above the law.
263
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,636
We're not above the law.
264
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,181
Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it.
265
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,183
Hmm?
266
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,642
I want you to promise me.
267
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:52,146
Can you both behave like Lisa,
just for a little bit?
268
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:55,566
BOTH (high-pitched):
"I'm Lisa. I'm Lisa."
269
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,568
"I like music."
270
00:12:57,651 --> 00:13:00,196
"My boyfriend is broccoli."
271
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,363
(kissing noises)
272
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,531
Hey!
273
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,159
We're here to buy your stand.
274
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,495
Yeah, well, it's not for sale.
275
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:10,206
(groans) All I want to do
is help this city,
276
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,708
and I can't because of
this ding-dong.
277
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,751
(crowd gasps)
278
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,337
How dare you
insult me like that?
279
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,671
I was there!
280
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,090
What? What, what,
what, what, what?
281
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,801
Clyde's a Vietnam vet,
282
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,178
a survivor of
the Battle of Dhing Dhong.
283
00:13:24,261 --> 00:13:25,262
Thank you.
284
00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,139
Than Kyu was his best friend.
285
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,975
Stepped on a land mine in
the battle of One Pun Too Many.
286
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,186
This is not good, Marge.
Not good.
287
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:33,687
(sighs): Oh.
288
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:35,856
Marge's beehive of activity
has become
289
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,650
a hornet's nest of trouble.
290
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:40,528
Also, our news broadcasts have
been reduced to two sentences.
291
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:41,695
Good night.
292
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,030
There's only one way out.
293
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,573
You're gonna have to do a live,
294
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,117
completely unscripted
heart-to-heart with the voters.
295
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,453
-Here's your script.
-I don't want a script.
296
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:50,788
Are you nuts?
297
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,165
Good evening.
298
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,709
I'm here to talk to you,
one-on-one,
299
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,963
just an ordinary mom
sitting in her kitchen.
300
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:01,882
This is a disaster.
301
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,926
I've seen counterclockwise
knob turning before,
302
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,344
but not like this.
303
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,348
Marge, what time
is dinner ready?
304
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,308
I'm in the middle of a speech.
305
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:12,810
So, 6:00?
306
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,436
You'll get it when you get it.
307
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,897
Wait a minute.
Something's turning them around.
308
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:20,401
Marge, can you cook
a Hot Pocket in the dryer?
309
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:22,361
(groans) Homer Simpson,
310
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,614
the only time you shut your
mouth is to keep food inside.
311
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,575
(gasps, stammers)
312
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,244
(laughter)
313
00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:31,287
That's it.
314
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,913
She's turned
a gaffe-making tubby
315
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,331
into a laugh-yielding hubby.
316
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:35,916
Does that work?
317
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,918
FRINK (mumbles): Let's see,
the subter-hand is all right.
318
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:40,087
The math checks out.
319
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,214
I'll be the Kellyanne Conway
of this thing.
320
00:14:42,298 --> 00:14:43,507
Kellyanne Conway?
321
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,010
I like how she always
looks like she just woke up.
322
00:14:46,093 --> 00:14:50,097
I think it's inspiring how now
a woman can be Joseph Goebbels.
323
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,641
(murmurs of agreement)
324
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:55,769
Marge, do we have any bread?
325
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,104
Check your chest.
326
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,607
(laughter)
327
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,442
Woo-hoo!
328
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:02,610
Oh, my God.
329
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,111
Those are the highest
approval ratings
330
00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:07,197
I've ever seen
for an incumbent: 53%!
331
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:10,659
♪ ♪
332
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,707
Marge, your numbers
are simply fantastic.
333
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:19,710
And all you had to do was throw
your husband under the bus.
334
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,046
Well, don't tell me you're sad
335
00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,714
about throwing your husband
under the bus.
336
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:26,216
I'm happy if he can
fit under a bus.
337
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,384
Zing!
338
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,054
Yeah. (chuckles) Zing.
339
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,351
Mr. Simpson, we're naming
a sandwich after you.
340
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,853
(gasps) My lifelong dream
has come true.
341
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,313
I've got this all planned.
342
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:42,107
Start with a full Reuben
with all the fixin's.
343
00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,859
Put a club sandwich on top.
344
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,861
The bottom bun
is, at first glance,
345
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,947
a chicken-fried steak.
346
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,823
But it's worth a closer look,
because...
347
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,368
Sir, sir, sir.
We've already made it.
348
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,871
The Open-Mouthed
Turkey Goofball?
349
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,374
That is so not me.
350
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,501
But I'll take six.
351
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:03,170
We're honored to have
with us the mayor...
352
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,922
(crowd cheering)
353
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,675
...and First Doofus
Homer Simpson.
354
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,259
(laughter)
355
00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:13,806
Homer's made Marge happy more
times than he can count: three!
356
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,182
(Marge chuckles)
357
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:18,018
And we're here for
a very, very serious charity:
358
00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,520
Save the Whales.
359
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:21,647
All right, that's it!
360
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,941
No. That's really
why we're here!
361
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:25,943
(Krusty sobs)
362
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,152
I am not a whale!
363
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:30,572
I am a man with blubber
and several harpoon scars!
364
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,117
(Homer screams)
365
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,202
(whale-like groaning)
366
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,501
(concerned groan)
367
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:44,837
What a day for this town.
368
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,798
We've made a deal
with the librarians' union.
369
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:48,841
Shh.
370
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,009
Homer would've been here,
371
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,927
but he backed out
when he heard the library
372
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,679
didn't have any pop-up books.
373
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:56,265
(laughter)
374
00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,810
(crowd cheering)
375
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,191
Great news, Marge.
You've tapped into something
376
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,820
women and men can agree on:
husbands are idiots.
377
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,196
Yeah, I guess.
378
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,823
While you're guessing,
I'm running with this.
379
00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:14,533
Take a look at
the balloon we've made
380
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,868
for the Thanksgiving parade.
381
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,246
I don't care what people say.
382
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:22,541
My Homie makes one sexy blimp.
383
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:26,837
I need to talk to somebody.
384
00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,095
Mayor Quimby?
385
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,390
No, just ordinary Diamond Joe.
386
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:39,892
Uh-oh, I know that look.
387
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:43,062
That's a mayor on the ropes
or a wife who wants a divorce.
388
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,521
I'm familiar with both.
389
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,023
Er, uh, indeed.
390
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:49,735
Joe, is it possible to have
a decent family life
391
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,862
and be a good political leader?
392
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:54,073
Marge, I don't want
to talk about that anymore,
393
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,076
but I'll tell you this:
retirement agrees with me.
394
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,577
The first night out of office,
395
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,080
I noticed a gorgeous woman
lying next to me,
396
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,249
and I said, "Holy crap,
I'm married to her."
397
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,251
Go long, boys. (grunts)
398
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:09,338
BOTH (seal-like barking):
Er, ah, er, ah, er, ah, er...
399
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,468
Marge, there's no "mayor"
in marriage.
400
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,595
There almost is.
It's really close.
401
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:17,930
But I'm afraid not.
402
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,098
(grunts, chuckles)
403
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,390
Meet you in the boathouse later?
404
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:21,391
(chuckles)
405
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,393
Oh, Marge, I want to thank you
406
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,145
for giving me back my Joseph.
407
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,271
Will you stay?
408
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,524
I just made a giant pitcher
of gimlets,
409
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,818
but I can make a second one
if you're staying.
410
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:32,361
No, I have to get back.
411
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:35,739
We're christening a new
manhole cover on 4th Street.
412
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,241
(gulping)
413
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,242
So sad.
414
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,618
Can't you stay for a bit?
415
00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,621
Uh, we need some help
serving coffee and cake.
416
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,374
I swear this is the last time.
417
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,459
There's more
where that came from!
418
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:53,632
Thank you. I couldn't be here
without my husband.
419
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:55,592
(laughter)
420
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,469
He's a big supporter.
421
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,929
So big...
422
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,556
(laughter)
423
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,062
(groans)
424
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,360
So big, I wish all of you could
425
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:15,362
know the love in his heart.
426
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:16,613
(crowd gasps)
427
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,490
Everyone, look inside yourself
428
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:21,785
and find your Homer Simpson.
429
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,745
BOTH:
Mwah!
430
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,375
(crowd murmuring)
431
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:33,755
(gasps) It's so beautiful.
432
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,802
We make the magic happen, baby.
433
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,814
♪ ♪
434
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,116
Can we just skip that one?
435
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,202
I would, but you have
to walk through it
436
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:04,703
to get to the cafeteria.
437
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:06,455
Oh. Okay.
438
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,547
Shh!
439
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,970
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH