1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,838 (choir singing backwards) 2 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,386 (exclaims) 3 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,471 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,643 (school bell rings) 5 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,063 (belches) 6 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,026 -(work whistle blows) -(screams) 7 00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,487 (sucking) 8 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:30,989 (conveyor beeping) 9 00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,953 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,957 (plays jazz melody) 11 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,628 (brakes squeal) 12 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,798 D'oh! 13 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,467 (grunts) 14 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:54,971 (sucking) 15 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,057 ♪ ♪ 16 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,521 (Marge grumbling) 17 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:06,941 -Homer. -Hey. 18 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,526 -Homer. -Huh? What? 19 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,736 I'll be right home. 20 00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:10,904 You are home. 21 00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:12,572 (whoops, snores) 22 00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:13,782 Homer. 23 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,241 Homer, wake up, please. 24 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:16,576 I can't sleep. 25 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,703 I'm having friends over tomorrow. 26 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,164 -Luann Van Houten. -Back-stabber. 27 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,208 -Bernice Hibbert. -Snob. 28 00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,876 And Helen Lovejoy. 29 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,086 Okay, she's pretty hot. 30 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,545 I mean, hot for a reverend's wife, 31 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,005 but so judgmental. 32 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,548 (sighs) 33 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,051 I was going to ask you if you could watch Maggie. 34 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,177 Oh, yeah, of course. 35 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,137 What do you suspect? 36 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,389 -(gulps) -(sucks) 37 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,933 Isn't this great? 38 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,726 Daddy-baby alone time. 39 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,062 Where's Daddy? Peek-a-boo. 40 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:46,231 (squeals and laughs) 41 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,691 -Where's Daddy? Peek-a-boo. -(sighs) 42 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,860 -Where's Daddy? Peek-a-boo. -Meh. 43 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,071 -Where's Daddy? Peek-a-boo. -(blows raspberry) 44 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,240 Where's Daddy? Peek-a-boo. 45 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,908 Oh, you're sick of it already? 46 00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:59,035 I was gonna do different people. 47 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,579 Peek-a-boo-ooh! 48 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,414 (with British accent): I'm afraid, Master Wayne, 49 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,542 it's time for peek-a-boo. 50 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,043 Ah, come on. Nothing? 51 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,754 Babies love Michael Caine. 52 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,090 What to do? What to do? 53 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,717 What to... do. 54 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:18,346 What... to... do. 55 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:20,890 Mags, I'll level with you. 56 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,267 I love you, kiddo, 57 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,061 but we are in two completely different worlds. 58 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,147 -(gulps) -(sucks) 59 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,443 More lemonade, ladies? 60 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,028 No, thank you. 61 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:36,948 I've had better lemonade at Ralph Wiggum's stand. 62 00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,950 And he stirs it with his finger. 63 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,578 (laughing) 64 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:45,248 So we've been asked to redecorate the school room 65 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,500 where the kids wait when their ride is late. 66 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,085 I have some ideas. 67 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,629 Marge, you have many wonderful talents, 68 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,631 but your sense of style is, uh... 69 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,050 -One of them? -I'm afraid not. 70 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:57,969 Purple and orange cupboards, 71 00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,429 oh, corncob curtains, 72 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,472 rabbit ears on the TV. 73 00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,850 It's like we're visiting the Flintstones. 74 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,810 (laughing) 75 00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,645 Well, since you don't like my style, 76 00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,606 maybe I should show you the door. 77 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,692 You mean the brown door next to the hot pink walls. 78 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,611 Just like at the circus. 79 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,988 Well, an elephant does live here. 80 00:03:17,071 --> 00:03:18,489 An elephant? 81 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,825 You're calling my husband an elephant? 82 00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,119 HOMER: Marge, we got any more peanuts? 83 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,205 (groaning): Oh, Homer. 84 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,874 Hmm. 85 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,959 No. 86 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,503 (whistling) 87 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:33,671 What the... ? 88 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,340 (whistling) 89 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,008 Is it that bird? 90 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:40,178 (whistling) 91 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,722 -Marge! Are you making tea? -MARGE: Yes. 92 00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:44,682 -Whew. -MARGE: Iced tea. 93 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,309 (whimpering): What the hell? 94 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:47,644 (whistling continues) 95 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,312 RADIO ANNOUNCER: This is WHIS. 96 00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,314 Whistling at you all day and night. 97 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,858 WHIS, The Whistle. 98 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:57,487 Ah. Whistling format radio. 99 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,989 -(whistling continues) -Huh? 100 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,784 Where is that whistling coming from? 101 00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,496 -(whistles) -Maggie? 102 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,081 (whistles) 103 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,042 (whistles) 104 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,543 It is you! 105 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:15,588 It's so odd-- I'm a terrible whistler. 106 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,840 -Always have been. -(sad whistle) 107 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:20,343 There must be a reason you were given this gift. 108 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:24,639 (gasps) It's to make people think I can whistle! 109 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,766 (whistling "1812 Overture") 110 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,520 AUDIENCE (chanting): Homer! Homer! Homer! 111 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,438 And now I will perform 112 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:36,067 "Flight of the Bumblebee." 113 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,152 (whistling "Flight of the Bumblebee") 114 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,749 Who was that president? 115 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,334 He looked pretty generic. 116 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,713 (grumbles) 117 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,424 I do too have taste. 118 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,801 -I'm afraid not. -(growls) 119 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,970 Corncob curtains. 120 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:05,596 Mom, what's wrong? 121 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,432 Why aren't you answering me? 122 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:08,808 I'm right here. 123 00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:11,102 Honey, I'm just feeling sorry for myself, 124 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,895 but I'll show them. 125 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,399 I'll make a late pickup room like that school has never seen. 126 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,526 That'll be easy, there's never been one. 127 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:22,864 ♪ ♪ 128 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,139 (brakes squeal) 129 00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,354 ♪ ♪ 130 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:57,648 Well, what do you think of my late pickup room? 131 00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,442 It's wonderful. Hard to believe 132 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,028 it's the same room they found all those dead rats in. 133 00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,946 (laughs) 134 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:06,199 Well, maybe you can fool the Hibberts, 135 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,825 but to me, this is the work of a... 136 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:08,910 Genius. 137 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:11,621 Salud. 138 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,956 (giggles) Well, gee. 139 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,000 Guess who got a job today. 140 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,168 -You? -Nope. 141 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:19,045 The guy who went in after me. 142 00:06:19,128 --> 00:06:21,297 I-I totally set him up. 143 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,842 Listen, I recently purchased the old post office to renovate. 144 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:29,013 Would you like to be my interior decorator? 145 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,015 Well, ladies. 146 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,309 Looks like someone appreciates me-- 147 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,187 the one man in town who trims his nails. 148 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,731 Is one of them giving you trouble? 149 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,650 There's no room in the trunk, boss. 150 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:42,151 -Bodies? -No. 151 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,903 Bottled water and toilet paper, remember? 152 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,197 We made that Costco run. 153 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,533 (beautifully whistling "Old MacDonald Had a Farm") 154 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:50,034 Now do it backwards. 155 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,869 (whistling same tune backwards) 156 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,162 Now sideways. 157 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,705 Hey, come on. She's just a baby. 158 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:55,873 Who is? 159 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:56,999 Uh, my talent. 160 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,251 Makes sense. 161 00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:00,211 Well, well, well. 162 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:03,589 Seems like my no-talent son can suddenly whistle. 163 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,884 Tell me, Homer, how'd you trill that high "C" 164 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,220 with your lips in second position? 165 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,305 (whistling) 166 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:17,437 Oh, it's amazing. 167 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,901 She's got my whistling gene, all right. 168 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,404 Which, unfortunately, skips a generation. 169 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:29,365 I hope it works out better for you than it did for me. 170 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,285 I was booked on the top whistling show on radio, 171 00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:35,913 Your Blow of Blows, with Sid Wheezer. 172 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,582 (applause) 173 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,751 Good evening, folks. Sid Wheezer here, 174 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,337 sipping a delicious Buzz Cola. 175 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,507 (fizzing, liquid pouring, cymbal crashes) 176 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:47,925 Ah, refreshing. 177 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,636 Keep polio at bay, the Buzz Cola way. 178 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,721 (laughter) 179 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:52,930 Oh, thanks a lot. 180 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,098 Our next act is a swell kid 181 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,641 from right here in Springfield. 182 00:07:55,725 --> 00:07:58,102 His hobby is straightening elbow macaroni. 183 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,813 (chuckles) Let's hear it for Little Abraham Simpson. 184 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:01,814 (applause) 185 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,650 (whistles a tune) 186 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,319 GRAMPA: Then I got cocky. 187 00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:09,280 Tried a little stunt called the Triple Windy. 188 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,365 (whistling "Heart and Soul" in harmony) 189 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,416 -(ripping) -(gasping) 190 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,793 GRAMPA: Blew out the ligaments in my lips. 191 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:24,795 Had to hire guys to kiss my girlfriend. 192 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,297 It was a good deal. 193 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,673 I'd pay for five minutes, 194 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,592 but it would go on for hours. 195 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:30,968 ♪ ♪ 196 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,303 When the time was right, 197 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,930 I'd make my move. 198 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,015 ♪ ♪ 199 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,312 But this little magpie, she's got my gift. 200 00:08:41,395 --> 00:08:43,481 And now she's going into showbiz. 201 00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:44,690 Mwah. 202 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,150 Couldn't showbiz screw her up? 203 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,652 You know, like it did Ron Howard? 204 00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,613 He hasn't won an Oscar since 2002. 205 00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,449 Oh, please, son, do this for me. 206 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:56,327 Dad, you should not live your life through your granddaughter. 207 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,412 (whistling "Heart and Soul" in harmony) 208 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,215 You poor guy. She'll do it. 209 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,971 (birds chirping, squawking) 210 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,893 Okay, Maggie. Time to learn a happy tune 211 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,187 from these imprisoned birds. 212 00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,647 (whistles) 213 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,732 (whistles same tune) 214 00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:28,985 Man, Maggie's talented, Lisa's talented. 215 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,236 What am I good at? 216 00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:31,654 The birds love ya. 217 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,573 Well, yeah, but they also love Grampa. 218 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,703 Go ahead, but my blood's turned to bile 219 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,581 from watching Fox News. 220 00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,499 (shrieks, thud) 221 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,293 (laughs) 222 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,420 This is my new property, 223 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:50,256 the original Springfield Post Office, 224 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,301 jewel of the implosion district. 225 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,261 (rumbling) 226 00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:58,014 You'll get used to that. 227 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:01,892 We'll definitely want to try to keep the original facade. 228 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,060 Yes, indeed. 229 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,730 I'm all about keeping up facades. 230 00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,940 Is it okay if I take some foundation measurements? 231 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,442 Of course. 232 00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,569 In case she sees something she shouldn't, 233 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,362 have a hood ready. 234 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,531 (gun hammers click) 235 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,325 -(gunshot) -(gasps) 236 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,744 Idiota! You whack who you shouldn't, 237 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,746 and you don't whack who you should. 238 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,582 (sighs) Is this about your brother again? 239 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,959 (upbeat showbiz music playing) 240 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,967 You're gonna love this baby! 241 00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:37,261 -She whistles! -This I gotta hear-- 242 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,388 not because I am looking forward to it, 243 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,515 but because it is my job. 244 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:48,522 -(whistles circus music) -Fantastic talent! 245 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:51,108 Now, move along-- I have a heart attack at 4:00. 246 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,652 And... here it comes. 247 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,695 Ooh! Oy vey! 248 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,658 ("The Simpsons Theme" plays) 249 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,577 You sit on it, you bought it. 250 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,870 Due! 251 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,791 Can you picture this water feature 252 00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:09,293 at the back wall of the foyer? 253 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,962 My sainted mother shared your gift. 254 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,423 Where others saw only an empty Chianti bottle, 255 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,842 she saw a candleholder. 256 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,470 We would have to rip out some walls. 257 00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,264 -Done. -You won't be seeing those walls no more. 258 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,101 Why do these guys come with us for everything? 259 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,144 Have you noticed how we are not dead? 260 00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,522 That is mostly due to them. 261 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,774 Give the wall job to the Palermo brothers. 262 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,443 Tell them to make it look like an accident. 263 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,321 We'll make that wall dig its own grave. 264 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,615 (someone whistling arpeggios) 265 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:43,160 (whistled arpeggios continue) 266 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,287 What's that whistling? 267 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,164 You know what they say-- in a marriage, 268 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,875 don't ask a question you don't know the answer to. 269 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,962 -That's what they say to defense attorneys. -Marge, 270 00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:55,965 how would you feel if I kept a big secret from you? 271 00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:59,135 How would you feel if I kept a big secret from you? 272 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,221 -Good night. -Good night. 273 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,808 (someone whistling arpeggios) 274 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,187 (whistling arpeggios) 275 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,897 Maggie, you can whistle? 276 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,566 (whistles arpeggio) 277 00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:15,985 (gasps) You're gifted, too! 278 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,070 Maybe more gifted! 279 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,698 No, no, I will not get caught in that trap 280 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,742 that only one of us is good. 281 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:25,369 We could both be good, like the South Park guys. 282 00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:27,538 Except Trey does everything. 283 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,248 Trey does everything! 284 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,625 (panting) 285 00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,670 (Maggie whistles arpeggio) 286 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,130 Diva. 287 00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:37,798 This little piggy 288 00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:38,924 went to Broadway. 289 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,177 This little piggy worked with Stallone. 290 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:44,305 This little piggy got a Showtime special! 291 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,557 -(laughing) -(squealing happily) 292 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,559 I'm a great father. 293 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:51,228 ANNOUNCER: Tonight on Hollywood Nightmares, 294 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,397 -What?! -...child stars, prison bars. 295 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,316 -(prison bars clack) -Ooh! 296 00:12:55,399 --> 00:12:58,736 At three months old, Skyler Green could already patty-cake. 297 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,404 By age one, she was the opening act 298 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,823 for Frank Sinatra Jr. Jr. III. 299 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:08,078 But after a disastrous Super Bowl halftime show 300 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,207 that left Jacksonville's EverBank Field in ruins, 301 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:14,126 Skyler's life would spin out of control. 302 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,878 She began a downward spiral, 303 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,963 woke up too many mornings with stuffed animals 304 00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,840 whose names she didn't know, 305 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:21,926 and she was arrested twice for former cuteness, 306 00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,636 under the Scott Baio Law. 307 00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,971 Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man, 308 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,892 bake me a train wreck just as fast as you can. 309 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,977 Oh, my God. Am I doing this for you, 310 00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:34,188 or because it makes me feel good? 311 00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:38,442 A showbiz kiss! 312 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,570 There's nothing more sincere than that. We'll do it! 313 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,698 (ominous music plays) 314 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:53,332 Marge, I love what you've done here. 315 00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,167 It's as much "Mwah!" 316 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:57,586 as it is "Ey! Whoa!" 317 00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,589 It certainly was a challenge-- so many bedrooms. 318 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,384 You must be expecting a lot of sleepover guests. 319 00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,928 Is she, er, uh, one of the, uh...? 320 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,097 No, no. She's the decorator. 321 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,182 But I can get one like her. 322 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,351 Add it to my customer profile. 323 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,228 Er, uh, yes. 324 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:16,272 Dim lighting, 325 00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,982 honky-tonk piano... 326 00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,692 Anthony D'Amico, 327 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:22,194 what is the repute of this house? 328 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,612 Ill. 329 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,323 Our top story-- you didn't see me. 330 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:27,783 This is... 331 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,077 John Doe saying "Good night." 332 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,169 Why is everyone being so weird? Did the principal call? 333 00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,963 'Cause he's got nothing to call about. 334 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,172 (phone buzzes) 335 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,008 (animal growling) 336 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:47,011 I can't keep this mountain lion in my bedroom forever, Bart. 337 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,721 Just four more days. 338 00:14:48,804 --> 00:14:50,431 (mountain lion yowls) 339 00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,642 So listen, uh, I'm gonna take Maggie out for a walk. 340 00:14:56,937 --> 00:15:00,065 These spray-on boas are such a time-saver. 341 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,403 (spray can hisses) 342 00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,113 HOMER: Oh, God, that's good. 343 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:10,659 Seems like everybody's got a secret but us, huh, guys? 344 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,539 ♪ ♪ 345 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,833 ANNOUNCER: Tonight, see Maggie Simpson, 346 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,001 the Unborn Comic, 347 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,878 The Umbilical Chords 348 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,212 and the Pixie Chicks. 349 00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,547 And now your host, 350 00:15:23,631 --> 00:15:26,008 Sedgwick the Personality! 351 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,385 Welcome to whatever this is. 352 00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,387 Now, let's meet our judges. 353 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:34,016 NBA star and host of Flip That Igloo, 354 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,560 Muk Mu! 355 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,728 Peace. 356 00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,688 Former Hot Tots champion, 357 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,232 Baby Dimples Riskind! 358 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:46,236 And robotic-themed DJ Der Zip-Zorp! 359 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,655 (beeping) 360 00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:54,328 You had lunch, didn't you? 361 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,747 I gave you a 2:00 a.m. curfew for a reason! 362 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:57,998 Shut up! 363 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,501 (groans) Where's denial when you need it? 364 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,252 Maggie, this is no place for you. 365 00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:05,839 I'm taking you where you can be a kid again-- Moe's. 366 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:13,806 Oh, I've created a monster! 367 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,891 I've placated a monster! 368 00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,435 Oh... 369 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,563 Marge Simpson, are the rumors true? 370 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,983 Did you corncob a cathouse? 371 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,943 It's not that. 372 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:30,197 I sure love that new whorehouse smell. 373 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,117 Marge, I never thought someone could sink this town lower, 374 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:34,868 but you have. 375 00:16:34,952 --> 00:16:36,870 You lied to me! 376 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,622 You may scare these guys, 377 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:41,333 but to me, you're just a big fat liar! 378 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,752 Whoa. Nobody calls Fat Tony fat! 379 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:44,962 Nobody! 380 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:46,338 In the old country, 381 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,133 only two were allowed to speak truth to the Don-- 382 00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:52,469 his capo and his interior decorator. 383 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,388 You are lucky. 384 00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:55,764 Now, please leave. 385 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,474 The launch party is tonight. 386 00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,227 The Grey Goose people are bringing a big ice thing. 387 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:03,814 Well, Anthony, not knowing what I was designing for, 388 00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:06,025 there's something I didn't tell you. 389 00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,777 Your mother had a post office box 390 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,654 at this office. 391 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:14,241 I don't know whether to believe you. 392 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:21,081 Oh, looks like a letter from the pope. 393 00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:29,506 You have surrounded a blessed letter to your mother 394 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:31,675 with a bordello! 395 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,677 That's it! Shut it down! 396 00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:36,638 Apologize to our dear friends at Grey Goose. 397 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,642 So, what are you going to do with my work? 398 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,187 A little "Italian lightning" for insurance purposes. 399 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:47,274 And that is the last question of yours we will ever answer. 400 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:49,693 Good-bye, Mrs. Simpson. 401 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,488 Can't you at least wait until I'm out of the building? 402 00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,990 I'm sorry, I get nervous, I do dumb things. 403 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,076 Maybe it's because I'm wearing a wire. 404 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,285 Uh-oh. 405 00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:02,372 Now, put your hands together for the one who's going to win. 406 00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,291 Whoops. That's supposed to be a secret. 407 00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,168 Nothing I can do-- in one moment, 408 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:09,505 Maggie will stop being my little baby and belong to the world. 409 00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:13,050 I remember her when she was just a bit of bad news. 410 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:16,720 Time for the greatest glory there is... reflected. 411 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,305 AUDIENCE: Aw... 412 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,224 (sputtering, tuneless blowing) 413 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,975 (blows, grunts) 414 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,728 (indistinct chatter) 415 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:28,065 Oh, come on, I'm cheating on my wife to see this? 416 00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:30,150 (blowing raspberries, wheezing) 417 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,319 Look! She's got a tooth coming in! 418 00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:34,196 That's the kiss of death for a whistler. 419 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:35,989 Give me a string and a doorknob! 420 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:39,326 That baby is naught but an overly dramatic, 421 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,495 boring windbag! 422 00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:44,498 A windbag that yields no succor! 423 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:47,376 In sum, a nothing! 424 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:48,919 (beeping) 425 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,004 (audience booing loudly) 426 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,215 What? They're booing my Maggie? 427 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,759 This is the sweetest little girl in the world. 428 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:59,096 Nice try, but no hook can fit me. 429 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,892 This little angel never makes a fuss. 430 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,727 She always shares her baby food, 431 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,314 and she makes even a despicable show like this seem sweet! 432 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,567 Hey, pal, this is a talent show for babies. 433 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,026 We ain't goin' for sweet. 434 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:20,033 The only thing that's been worth it about this experience 435 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,579 is that I got to spend time with this little girl. 436 00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:27,166 And that's the tooth! 437 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,251 HOMER: Good night, my little star. 438 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,086 And if you have another amazing talent, 439 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:34,131 for the love of God, don't tell anybody. 440 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,049 Nighty-night. 441 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,474 Okay, so I'll never enter Maggie into another contest 442 00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:47,102 without telling you, and you'll never design 443 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,563 another sex palace for the mob. 444 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,982 Agreed. No more secrets from each other. 445 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,901 (yawns) 446 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,111 No more secrets. 447 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,530 (snoring) 448 00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,324 (mumbles) 449 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,784 Are you letting out my pants? 450 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:03,994 I'm afraid so. 451 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:07,164 I'm not really a size 32?! 452 00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:09,249 -(sobbing) -♪ ♪ 453 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,050 (whistling "The Simpsons Theme") 454 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,090 Shh! 455 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,970 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH