1
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:07,340
HOMER: What? Cheap, lousy...
2
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,925
Ah, there.
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,011
♪ ♪
4
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,767
(sleepy piano melody playing)
5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,853
♪ ♪
6
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:23,940
MOE: Springfield-- the city sleeps.
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,526
But a storm is brewing
over the home of...
8
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:30,238
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
9
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,531
MOE: Interesting fact--
10
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:34,075
the singers that sang that song
are all dead.
11
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,201
Enjoy the show.
12
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,123
{\an8}HOMER (over speakerphone):
Hello, family!
13
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,750
{\an8}I'm 20 minutes away.
14
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,251
{\an8}Can I bring anyone a...
15
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:45,378
{\an8}Mmm, pork chop.
16
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:46,880
{\an8}(tires screeching)
17
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,467
{\an8}HOMER:
Flanders, you need a new mailbox!
18
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,304
{\an8}(groans)
19
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,097
{\an8}(tires screech)
20
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,974
{\an8}(Homer humming)
21
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,396
{\an8}Are these from the gas station?
22
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,065
{\an8}Uh, Marge, please.
23
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:08,151
{\an8}They're from a supermarket
that sells gas.
24
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:10,153
{\an8}(sniffing) Were you at Moe's?
25
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:13,448
{\an8}Yeah, celebrating St. Patrick's Day.
26
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:15,200
{\an8}(in brogue) Ah, the Blarney Stone,
27
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,328
{\an8}Angela's Ashes, centuries of troubles.
28
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:20,455
{\an8}It's not St. Patrick's Day.
29
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,791
{\an8}Well, on the real day,
the price of green hats
30
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,042
{\an8}goes through the roof.
31
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:26,252
{\an8}I thought you'd be happy
I was saving money.
32
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,881
{\an8}Cheap hats?
You ruined Sunday dinner for cheap hats?!
33
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,509
{\an8}That's not... (sighs)
you know, forget it.
34
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,637
{\an8}-That's it?
-Yeah, that's it.
35
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,222
{\an8}Thanks for the flowers.
36
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:39,766
{\an8}I'm sure they were nice,
but they're wilting now.
37
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:40,934
{\an8}(sighs)
38
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:43,019
{\an8}Honey, when you were
talking about those flowers,
39
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,438
{\an8}was it a metaphor for anything?
40
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,856
{\an8}Was it?
41
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,150
{\an8}Honey? Metaphor?
42
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:52,612
{\an8}So... I thought she'd be furious,
but nothing.
43
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,907
{\an8}-She was as aloof as Steve Martin.
-(both gasp)
44
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:59,327
{\an8}Ahoy-hoy. This is Sector 7G, where...
45
00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,913
{\an8}where, uh... what does go on here?
46
00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:05,083
{\an8}Mostly we decide which of us
should be on the lookout for you.
47
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,293
{\an8}Which was supposed to be you, Lenny.
48
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,503
{\an8}(mimics birdcall) Coo-coo-coo...
49
00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:10,713
{\an8}Yes, well, this is Nigel,
50
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,382
{\an8}an old boarding school chum,
51
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:15,426
{\an8}and, uh, this Piccadilly Circus walkup
is his wife.
52
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,053
{\an8}(Cockney accent) I have to go, luv.
53
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,430
{\an8}I've got to pick up a lip tint
at the chemist's.
54
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:22,809
{\an8}Farewell, darling.
You take the sun with you.
55
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:28,022
(chuckles) You never told me about her.
56
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,900
Well, you never told me about
57
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,569
your handsome young man.
58
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,237
Who, Smithers? (chuckles)
59
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:35,655
He just works here.
60
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,532
Smithers, I see you're one of those
61
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:39,826
truly devoted people who make one forget
62
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,078
love is an illusion.
63
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,414
Eh, I'm just a man who enjoys his job.
64
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,249
Uh, time for your pill, sir.
65
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,836
(grunting)
66
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,173
(Burns grunting)
67
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,552
Did you swallow the cheese
and not the pill?
68
00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,762
-Nuh-uh.
-Show me.
69
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,724
(swallows)
70
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:04,225
That's a good boss.
71
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:05,727
Such devotion.
72
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,896
My wife is in love with her tennis coach,
73
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,856
(rolling "R") Rolando.
74
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,066
Well, I believe in true love.
75
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,027
Like the first time I saw profit.
(chuckles)
76
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,738
A day doesn't go by
that I don't think of that ledger.
77
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,489
(sighs)
78
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,074
Hey, Homie.
79
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,868
That's our cue.
80
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,456
Lenny, when you say, "That's our cue,"
then you're supposed to leave.
81
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:30,793
Dear God, so many times
I must have looked like a complete ass.
82
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,129
Homer, this is the part of the marriage
83
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,215
where the needle is on "E,"
84
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,551
but we still have a little more gas.
85
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,888
The brink of doom,
where I do my best work.
86
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,681
And I want to break out of our rut,
87
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,808
so I brought us a nice lunch.
88
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:49,354
Oh, honey,
you've given me a big appetite.
89
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,897
For what?
90
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,484
{\an8}HOMER: Careful, Homer,
she's expecting a non-food answer.
91
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,820
{\an8}-For... you?
-Oh...
92
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,740
{\an8}Well, I have to admit,
that was suggested by the nose.
93
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,076
(nasally) Finally, some credit.
94
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,494
Mmm...
95
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,121
Wait, I want to know that
you're really gonna change.
96
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,208
Marge, I get it. I truly get it.
97
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,752
And to prove it, I'm eating a carrot.
98
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,630
Oh...
99
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,757
Mmm.
100
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,718
Sir, do you need help with that tea bag?
101
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,137
No, I can talk to Nigel by myself.
102
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,141
Nigel, you were wrong
about the Crimean War,
103
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,559
and you're wrong now.
104
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:30,436
Love can endure.
105
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,189
Oh, I could dissolve that union as easily
106
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,109
as the tea dissolves this sugar.
107
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,403
Smithers, did you see him
heft that sugar cube?
108
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,155
-Did I.
-Monty, I can break up that couple,
109
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,825
and I'd wager five million on it.
110
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:45,743
-Dollars or pounds?
-Pounds.
111
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,204
-Sterling or flesh?
-Sterling, this time.
112
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,707
Oh, that money is as good as mine.
113
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,458
Look at them spooning.
114
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,668
(giggles)
115
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,170
(both munching)
116
00:04:56,254 --> 00:04:57,588
(whistle blows)
117
00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:00,425
Hmm. (humming happily)
118
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:02,593
Excuse me there, Simpson.
119
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:04,345
May I buy you a drink?
120
00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:08,266
Thanks, Alfred, but my marriage
is in a very unusual condition--
121
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,101
good-- and I want to get home.
122
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,520
Now, now.
I'm an old friend of your boss's,
123
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:16,190
and if you turn me down,
it will not go down favorably.
124
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,192
Will it go down unfavorably?
125
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,278
-Mm, it may.
-(shrieks)
126
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,196
-Very well, then.
-(cell phone chimes)
127
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,364
(Homer groans)
128
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:25,825
No texting your wife.
129
00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:28,953
I'll just tell her
I'm drinking with an English guy.
130
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,374
(cell phone chimes)
131
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,876
What does that mean?
132
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:37,378
He'd better just be around the corner.
133
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:42,592
(disco music playing)
134
00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:46,721
Oh.
135
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:51,684
♪ ♪
136
00:05:53,853 --> 00:05:55,688
Oh!
137
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,359
And everyone left the hot tub
except for Ringo,
138
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,652
Princess Margaret, and me.
139
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,446
Yeah, uh, listen, Dr. Dolittle,
140
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,699
I like hearing you talk,
but I got to get home.
141
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:09,786
So, been married long?
142
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,246
Knocked her up right after high school.
143
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:15,333
I can't listen to that story
without getting weepy.
144
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,585
Hey, hey, that's my talking bar rag!
145
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,670
Let go of that!
146
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,839
You doing all right there, Raggy?
147
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,092
Yeah, that's good.
148
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,303
So, Homer, the only woman
149
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,138
you've ever been with is your wife.
150
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,473
How shall I put this?
151
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,893
You thumped one melon
and left the store satisfied.
152
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,812
If you knew anything about me,
153
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,524
you would know I would never,
ever shop in the produce section.
154
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:43,361
Homer, have you ever thought
there might have been other melons--
155
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:46,239
bigger, smaller, more exciting?
156
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:49,200
Oh, the women I could have had.
157
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:51,786
You drew me in fifth grade,
158
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:53,996
and I've never gotten over you.
159
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,708
I like a man who pours me on everything.
160
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,377
(shuddering) Oh...
161
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:03,297
I think it's time I went home to my wife.
162
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,634
(shrieks)
163
00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:10,054
I fear my seed landed on barren soil.
164
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:12,348
Oh, yeah, he's crazy about that Midge.
165
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,601
Eh, she's got it all.
Hair that goes on forever...
166
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,645
Moe, I always wondered something.
167
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,689
Who are you talking about
when you say "Midge"?
168
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,107
Why, Marge, of course.
169
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,191
-What the...
-(grunts)
170
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,901
Wait'll Midge hears about this!
171
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:27,655
Hmm, this might be worked
from another angle.
172
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:31,492
So, Moe,
you find Homer's wife attractive?
173
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,453
Yeah. She barely knows I exist.
174
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,663
Which is the only thing
I got going for me.
175
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,832
Well, how would you like me to set you up
176
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,001
in a more elegant establishment?
177
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:41,586
More elegant than this?
178
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,129
Aah!
179
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:46,591
This may just be the bonk on
the head talking, but sure.
180
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:47,550
Oh.
181
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,593
(tires screech)
182
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,178
(worried groaning)
183
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,513
Marge, I know I'm late,
184
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,265
but I'm really sorry.
185
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:57,977
"Sorry" and "Congratulations, Graduate."
186
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,353
They had a two-for-one sale.
187
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,272
-Now, I'm late because...
-Don't bother.
188
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:02,857
-But there's a really good...
-It's too late.
189
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,525
But you're...
you're gonna laugh when you...
190
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,612
No. I just have to accept that
you're never going to change.
191
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,156
No, no, don't give up.
I've changed before.
192
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,866
I lost my hair and got fat.
193
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,117
Good night.
194
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,869
Oh, good night.
195
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,996
(Homer snoring)
196
00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,374
(sobbing)
197
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,422
♪ ♪
198
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,225
(crying)
199
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,019
(yawning)
200
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:42,396
-How was your night?
-The usual.
201
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,778
(worried grunting)
202
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:51,697
So, it's Saturday morning.
203
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,991
-What do you want to do today?
-Nothing.
204
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,536
Hey, Homer,
I got an extra ticket for the ball game.
205
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,663
-Box seats.
-He'll take it.
206
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:00,164
Marge, no.
207
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,083
Flanders ruins baseball.
208
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,001
He adds the word "Lord" to the end of
209
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,962
"Take Me Out to the Ball Game."
210
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:09,173
FLANDERS:
♪ Take me out to the ball game, Lord ♪
211
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,343
♪ Take me out with the crowd, Lord ♪
212
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:15,972
BOYS: ♪ Buy us some water
and that's just fine ♪
213
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,766
♪ All I drink is communion wine ♪
214
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:22,228
♪ For it's pray, pray,
pray to our Jesus ♪
215
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:25,648
-(Homer groans)
-♪ If we don't win, it's His will ♪
216
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,151
♪ 'Cause He's one, two,
three Gods in one ♪
217
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,029
♪ At the baseball church ♪
218
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,197
♪ We're at church♪
219
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,282
D'oh.
220
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:37,034
Hi, hon, I'm near Moe's,
but I can come right home.
221
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,036
I haven't even put a coin in the meter.
222
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,539
-Just what I needed to hear.
-(coin clinks)
223
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,208
Oh... oh, damn it.
224
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,127
(gasps)
225
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:50,965
Aw, maybe now I can finish my novel.
226
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:53,467
I just wish I hadn't left it in there.
227
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,266
Yeah, well, don't worry,
you still got old Moe.
228
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,893
Moe 2.0. It's a whole new me.
229
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:06,230
I even bought one of those new gizmos
that everyone's using.
230
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,317
Why'd you close the bar?
231
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,069
Well, I've been set up
in a high-end establishment
232
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,821
by a well-heeled backer.
233
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,157
Really, you should see
the heels on this guy.
234
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,825
MoHo House?
235
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:20,369
Yes, MoHo House,
the vaguely British,
236
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,664
invitation-only club that celebrities
who don't want publicity
237
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,458
can be sure to be seen at.
238
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,044
I'm going there now. Don't tell anyone.
239
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:32,173
Tonight is the grand opening
for the town's hottest new destination,
240
00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:35,509
run by the man most in demand
for Springfield's haunted houses,
241
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,094
Moe Szyslak.
242
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,554
-(growling)
-(gasping)
243
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,056
Oh, sorry, force of habit.
244
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,308
(chuckles) How you doing?
Good to see you, Mr. Mayor.
245
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,435
Bumblebee Man, ¿cómo está?
246
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,062
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
247
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:49,565
No can do, Mr. quote,
Movie Star, end quote.
248
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,151
Your last picture... (chuckles)
was a bomb.
249
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,362
The trailer gave away too much,
250
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:56,322
like, uh, the fact that it was terrible.
251
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:57,782
I deserve a good time.
252
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,325
I can have a good time.
253
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:00,910
The heck with Homer.
254
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:04,413
Thanks for the lift, Homer.
255
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:05,831
(tires screech)
256
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,249
(groans)
257
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,544
I really don't think
you're taking this seriously enough.
258
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,380
(chuckles)
259
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,883
BURNS: What are you up to, Nigel?
260
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,135
Oh, just stacking the deck in my favor,
261
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,221
as sporting men are wont to do.
262
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,099
A posh club,
beautiful single men and women,
263
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:27,478
irresistible temptations
to my unsuspecting quarry.
264
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:30,398
(scoffs) Good luck breaking them apart.
265
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,816
-See you.
-Hmm.
266
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,317
(gasps, shudders)
267
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:34,944
HOMER: I can have fun by myself.
268
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,696
Would you care to spill a drink on me
269
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,864
and use it as an excuse to meet me?
270
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,282
Can I eat the cherry first?
271
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,659
Don't take too long.
272
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,703
I might-- I asked for extra cherries.
273
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:47,081
(whispering loudly)
They don't charge for extra cherries.
274
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:51,085
Monty, what say we make this wager
something meaningful?
275
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,128
Like what?
276
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,255
How about my entire fortune
277
00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,424
against your boy Friday?
278
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,676
-(gasps)
-Smithers?
279
00:11:58,759 --> 00:11:59,802
(grunting)
280
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,887
Oh. (groans)
281
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,056
Well, I can't possibly lose. You're on.
282
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,642
Mr. Burns, you can't use me
as a gambling chip.
283
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,477
Check your contract.
284
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,438
(sighs) I'll be darned.
285
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,858
It also says I'm permitted to mold
your hair into whimsical shapes.
286
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,234
Smithers want a cracker?
287
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,361
(groans) Got to get a better lawyer.
288
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,989
Ooh, those fingers.
289
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,198
(chattering)
290
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,950
The chimp yes, the clown no.
291
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,786
Don't tell me, it's because I'm Jewish.
292
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,414
No, it's 'cause you're a has-been
nobody likes, all right?
293
00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:31,667
Please tell me it's because I'm Jewish.
(cries)
294
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,253
-Moe, good to see you.
-Oh, good to see you, Midge.
295
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:36,964
Boy, who knew you'd look
so great in a strapless dress?
296
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,174
Well, thank you.
297
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:41,510
Methinks I see my opportunity.
298
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,429
Why are you telling me?
299
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,181
I always considered us friends.
300
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,851
So, let-- uh, what's your name there?
301
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,187
Brant-- Brant here pour something for you.
302
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:54,023
We got loads of microbrew
with crazy names,
303
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:57,651
like, uh, Hops-along Cassidy
and Michelob.
304
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,528
So, uh, where's Homer?
305
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:01,697
We're not spending as much time together.
306
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,658
MOE: Whoa, this night,
when I opened up a fabulous new bar,
307
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:07,203
just got interesting.
308
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,287
(soft jazz music plays)
309
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,206
Hey, Stogie,
how about a little "Moonglow"?
310
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,666
Not the real moon.
311
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,460
Oh, you mean the drug.
312
00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:15,753
No, the song.
313
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,255
("Moonglow" playing)
314
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:22,343
"Moonglow," that's my favorite song.
315
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,012
Yeah, you came into my bar
seven years ago
316
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,764
and you played it on the jukebox.
317
00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,099
I remember things like that.
318
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,935
So, you want to dance?
319
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:34,396
I actually do it a lot, but, uh,
nobody sees behind the bar.
320
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,110
I guess one dance couldn't hurt.
321
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,907
So, can you start Monday?
322
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,784
Oh, you won't break up the Simpsons.
323
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:50,621
I'm not used to getting my arms
all the way around someone.
324
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:53,499
Oh, God, I can't work for a man
I'm not in love with.
325
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,918
I've got to fix this now.
326
00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,630
Simpson, you need to patch things up
with your wife now.
327
00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:01,882
We're fine. Excuse me, bartender?
328
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,677
I ordered three dozen wings
and I only count 35.
329
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,136
Listen to me,
330
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,680
this was gonna be
a birthday present for my mother,
331
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,640
but I want you to give it to Marge.
332
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,267
Okay, what's the gag?
333
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,853
You have to reconcile with your wife.
334
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,855
Mm, there's always a catch.
335
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:19,024
I've seen a whole different side
of you tonight, Moe.
336
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,028
MOE: Whoa, she's waving me home
like a third-base coach.
337
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:24,989
But could I really do that to Homer?
338
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:26,574
Damn it, I need time to think here.
339
00:14:26,657 --> 00:14:28,701
Sorry, this is great, but I got to go
340
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:30,619
stick plastic ribbons onto toothpicks.
341
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,079
That don't just happen.
342
00:14:33,414 --> 00:14:35,791
If Moe can change,
343
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,626
why can't my husband?
344
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,630
Well, um, seems to me the reason
your husband won't change
345
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,716
is 'cause he knows
he's got a great thing with you.
346
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:45,301
If he suddenly treated you different,
347
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,886
that should worry you.
348
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,429
I mean, duh, I guess.
349
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,847
You know? Duh?
350
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:51,432
-Hey, Marge.
-Homie!
351
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,017
I got you something.
352
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,811
(sobbing)
353
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,522
-What the...
-That's not from you.
354
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:03,027
Can't you at least open it
so I can find out what it is?
355
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:10,451
Marge... I got the best gift
I ever got you in my life.
356
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,995
MARGE: Huh? (groans)
357
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,663
Okay, that's not great.
358
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,124
And why, if you were trying to be close,
359
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,627
would you spend the whole evening
away from me?
360
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,671
Hey, you've taken me off
the market since I was 18,
361
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,632
which I immediately regret saying.
362
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,467
Look, I'm on my knees.
363
00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,218
Why aren't you forgiving me?
364
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,971
I'll follow you.
365
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,933
Ow, hairbrush. Ow, alphabet blocks.
366
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,225
Ow, dog toy!
367
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,811
-(murmuring) Wasn't even a card for me.
-(Homer grunting)
368
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,900
I hope you kids haven't lost
any respect for your old man.
369
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,235
Uh, can't lose what you don't have.
370
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,071
Thanks, boy.
371
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:50,240
HOMER: Ow! Oh!
372
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,867
(thunder crashes)
373
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,495
-(piano playing)
-(sighs)
374
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,038
Something wrong, boss man?
375
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,624
When you finally get a shot
at what you always wanted,
376
00:15:58,707 --> 00:15:59,959
do you really want it?
377
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,336
Frankly, that's a white person problem.
378
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:04,296
Wow, I never had one of those before.
379
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,756
Hey, what you playing there?
380
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,842
Oh, just a little something
I've been messing around with
381
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,763
that may or may not be
a commentary on your situation.
382
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,808
♪ ♪
383
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,602
♪ It was hopeless and new ♪
384
00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:20,521
♪ New from the start ♪
385
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,815
♪ Her hair was blue ♪
386
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:26,318
♪ As blue as my heart ♪
387
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,988
♪ Her husband was fat ♪
388
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,991
♪ And not very smart ♪
389
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,911
♪ So I'm writing this song
to tell you it's wrong ♪
390
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,665
♪ To love ♪
391
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:45,379
♪ An elephant's wife ♪
392
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,423
♪ It's wrong, baby ♪
393
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,177
(squawks)
394
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,930
Homer don't treat her right.
She should be loved.
395
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,391
Loved like Barney loves my bar.
396
00:16:57,474 --> 00:17:00,728
He's thinking of me, I know it.
397
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,230
This is going in my new novel.
398
00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:09,486
My mind's made up.
There's only one thing I can do.
399
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,114
(cell phone chiming)
400
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,703
Whoa, that's a conflicted look.
401
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:20,289
Are you a cashier or a psychiatrist?
402
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,000
(sighs) I was a psychiatrist.
403
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:26,670
Then I lost my license
for prescribing too few meds.
404
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:39,433
You came. I wasn't sure you would.
405
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:42,102
♪ He wasn't sure you would ♪
406
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,937
Let's go somewhere more private.
407
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:48,358
♪ There's cameras everywhere ♪
408
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:52,613
-I needed to see you.
-(thunder crashes)
409
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,490
You're supposed to be my friend, Moe!
410
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:57,076
How could you meet my wife
behind my back?
411
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,328
I did it because I'm your friend, Homer.
412
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,330
And that's why I invited you here.
413
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,874
To tell you that if you don't
treat this woman right,
414
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,417
someone's gonna take her away.
415
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:06,919
Now, it won't be me,
416
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,755
but you don't leave the lid off
a pickle jar like her.
417
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,257
-Right, Midge?
-First of all, it's Marge.
418
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,177
No, I know, I-I don't know
what my deal is with that.
419
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,970
But you're right about everything else.
420
00:18:17,054 --> 00:18:18,722
Marge, I treasure you.
421
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:22,267
And to prove it,
here's something I drew last night.
422
00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,106
♪ Why do birds ♪
423
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:30,692
♪ Suddenly appear ♪
424
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,903
♪ Every time ♪
425
00:18:32,986 --> 00:18:35,572
♪ You are near? ♪
426
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,992
♪ Just like me ♪
427
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,620
♪ They long to be... ♪
428
00:18:41,703 --> 00:18:44,331
Okay, we haven't achieved all our dreams,
429
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:47,042
but the day I met you, I had them.
430
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,377
I love you.
431
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,045
I love you, too.
432
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:55,092
Maybe someday I'll find happiness,
but not today.
433
00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,303
-Ugh.
-(chattering)
434
00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,972
Mm-mm-mm.
435
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,391
A very touching scene.
436
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,688
Pleasure doing business with you.
437
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,815
Uh, sir, who are you talking to?
438
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:12,067
Why, Nigel here.
439
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,778
Sir, you're imagining people again.
440
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,364
Well, then who gave me this check?
441
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,908
That's a coupon for free frozen yogurt.
442
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,326
Bah!
443
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,166
Where is he going,
and why is my check torn to shreds?
444
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,543
You don't have to pay him, he'll be fine.
445
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,920
Use me in a wager, will he?
446
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,757
♪ ♪
447
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,809
{\an8}Wait a minute, this place was just built.
448
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:47,144
♪ ♪
449
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:50,606
♪ It must have been MoHo ♪
450
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:54,818
♪ For Homer and Marge ♪
451
00:19:56,570 --> 00:20:00,741
♪ They got back their mojo ♪
452
00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:05,162
♪ And now they're living large ♪
453
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:10,083
♪ Still I hear you saying ♪
454
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:13,212
♪ What happens to Moe? ♪
455
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:19,635
♪ He'll go back to his hellhole ♪
456
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:24,139
{\an8}♪ That's the ending of the show ♪
457
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,059
{\an8}♪ Except for the tag ♪
458
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,689
Okay, sir, we've revised my contract,
459
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:34,775
so you can no longer
proffer me in a wager,
460
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,361
throw me in a volcano,
use me as a chew toy for your tiger...
461
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,613
(chuckles) Sabu will be disappointed.
462
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:43,158
...use me as a human Christmas ornament,
or jack-o'-lantern, lit.
463
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,577
But I still agree to be
mummified with you if you pass.
464
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,162
Excellent.
465
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,000
Mm, it's good to be back.
466
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,461
♪ ♪
467
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
468
00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,965
Subtitled by E. Jaeger