1 00:00:02,293 --> 00:00:06,214 {\an8}-(laughs) -CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299 {\an8}(theme music playing) 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,928 (exclaims) 4 00:00:16,725 --> 00:00:18,810 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,022 (Barney belches) 6 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,191 -(whistle blows) -(yells) 7 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:28,737 ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,947 (playing melodic harp) 9 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,081 D'oh! 10 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,459 -(tires screech) -(grunts) 11 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,419 (wind whistling) 12 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,174 -(tires screech) -(Milhouse grunting) 13 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:51,509 (bird squawks) 14 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,598 (Selma and Patty grunt) 15 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,141 Ow. 16 00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,769 (squawking) 17 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,687 (Homer yelling, grunting) 18 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,440 (playing the blues) 19 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,108 -(wind gusts) -(explosion) 20 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,277 -Hola. -(duck quacks) 21 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:11,696 {\an8}♪ Simpsons Time ♪ 22 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:12,947 -♪ Run, don't walk ♪ -(sniffing) 23 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,449 ♪ You might even hear ♪ 24 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,909 ♪ Maggie talk ♪ 25 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,161 ♪ Bart the Boy and a dog named Homer ♪ 26 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,829 ♪ And jokes written on signs ♪ 27 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,915 -♪ It's Simpsons Time ♪ -Yay! 28 00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,458 (Homer grunts, yells) 29 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,968 What a beautiful day for a family stroll. 30 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:37,055 Tell that to my aching back! 31 00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,099 (groans) 32 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,600 It's not a family stroll-- 33 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,310 Homer forgot where he parked his car last night, 34 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:43,478 and now we have to find it. 35 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:46,189 What a beautiful day to be in denial. 36 00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:47,649 Yeah, Bart. Who cares? 37 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,901 The sun is shining, birds are singing... 38 00:01:49,984 --> 00:01:53,655 people are staring up at the sky in terror? 39 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,657 (Simpsons shriek) 40 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,450 Do you see it, Lisa? 41 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,286 There's... nothing... there. 42 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,206 {\an8}And that's where Lard Lad used to be! 43 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:05,083 {\an8}Oh, looks like we better file a report 44 00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:06,876 {\an8}with the Bureau of Missing Statues. 45 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,588 {\an8}Yeah. Be like that time that Rodin statue got stolen. 46 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,924 {\an8}What was the name of that statue again? Eh... 47 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,592 {\an8}Ah, let me think. Um... 48 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,971 {\an8}Thinkin'. Yeah, still thinkin'. 49 00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:20,473 {\an8}Still thinkin'. 50 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,102 {\an8}Uh, either we can fan out and search, or bunch up and riot. 51 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:27,147 {\an8}Oh, balderdash and poppycock. I say we do not riot. 52 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,732 {\an8}-ALL: Riot! -ALL: Don't! 53 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,360 {\an8}-Riot! -Don't! 54 00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:33,778 {\an8}Riot! 55 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,156 {\an8}(all yelling) 56 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,450 {\an8}(indistinct chatter) 57 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:40,451 {\an8}(grunts) 58 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,835 {\an8}And thanks to the equal number of non-rioters, 59 00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,713 {\an8}the total cost of the damage is zero dollars. 60 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,591 {\an8}-Homer, were you in that riot? -Marge, please. 61 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,551 {\an8}I'm a leader in this community. 62 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,761 BROCKMAN: In response to the outcry... 63 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,388 -(alarm ringing) -...Lard Lad's parent company, 64 00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,307 Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts, 65 00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:03,808 has issued the following statement-- 66 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:07,604 "We are rebranding Lard Lad with an updated statue." 67 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,397 {\an8}Ooh, rebranding. 68 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,399 {\an8}That just means admitting failure, Dad. 69 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,693 {\an8}Ooh, admitting failure. 70 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:17,030 {\an8}People of Springfield, please welcome Mr.-- 71 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:20,074 {\an8}I know I'm gonna mangle this-- Lee Fong. 72 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:22,327 {\an8}Uh, actually, it's pronounced Robert Chan. 73 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,870 {\an8}(moans) 74 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:27,749 {\an8}And now, please welcome the model for the original Lard Lad, 75 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,667 {\an8}Mr. Laird Lad. 76 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,169 {\an8}A lot of crazy names today. 77 00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:36,132 {\an8}Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lard Lad's bold, 78 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,176 {\an8}focus-grouped, new look! 79 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,262 {\an8}(mechanical whirring) 80 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,680 {\an8}(statue squeaking) 81 00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,599 {\an8}That doesn't say donuts! 82 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,976 {\an8}That says management overthink! 83 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,812 {\an8}The Thinker! That statue's called The Thinker. 84 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,607 {\an8}(laughs) What? What are we on now? What? 85 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,526 People, let's give the new statue a chance. 86 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,779 When the Eiffel Tower was first built, 87 00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,531 many said it was a steel monstrosity. 88 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,116 It still is. 89 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,869 Fine, but maybe this will grow on you. 90 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,788 -Aw, this thing sucks. -I don't think so. 91 00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:07,956 (overlapping disapproval) 92 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,792 -Well, at-at-at a certain angle... -It's beautiful. 93 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,168 -We love it. -That's beautiful. 94 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,254 (all cheer) 95 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,172 (wind whistling) 96 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,341 ♪ ♪ 97 00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:22,345 You fools! You've erected a massive concave reflective surface. 98 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:25,431 It will focus the sun's beam in a deadly ray. 99 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,226 {\an8}(people scream) 100 00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,899 (growls) 101 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,368 (cheering) 102 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,912 (all groan) 103 00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,497 (all gasp) 104 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:50,665 -Oh. -Uh. 105 00:04:50,748 --> 00:04:52,000 Hey! 106 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,043 (groans) 107 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,586 (gun hammer clicks) 108 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,342 QUIMBY: First off, I'd like to thank the good people 109 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:05,263 at Tianjin Smelting and Mining and Donuts and Tarps 110 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:09,183 for neutralizing our wonderful, deadly, new Lard Lad. 111 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,686 Yeah, that's great. 112 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,187 They'll grow back. 113 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,983 The time for mourning and blaming our mayors has passed. 114 00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,943 We will rebuild. 115 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,279 We will rebuild. 116 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,489 ALL: We will rebuild. 117 00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:26,075 We will rebuild! 118 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,328 We will rebuild! 119 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,546 (strained) We will rebuild. 120 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:40,465 We will rebuild. 121 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:43,384 I guess there's only one man we can turn to. 122 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:44,510 Supergirl?! 123 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,596 (ominous organ music plays) 124 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,808 So... you'd like me to save the town. 125 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,935 Well, you've got gumption, I'll give you that. 126 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,480 (laughing) And such an adorable baby, 127 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:58,566 it really restores my... my faith in... in the, uh... 128 00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:01,694 Smithers, where is the damn trapdoor button? 129 00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:04,072 Mr. Burns, you already trap-doored us 130 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,865 from your upstairs office. 131 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,492 (laughs) Yes. 132 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:10,286 And how was your fall? Painful? Unexpected? 133 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,288 -Oh, yeah. -Worst I've ever had. 134 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,581 -Oh! Really... -Really... 135 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:16,125 -Pulled something. -Totally painful. Did not see it coming. 136 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,627 (chuckles) Excellent. 137 00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,840 So... remind me what I was saying no to. 138 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,301 Funding repairs to the town. 139 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,137 But if you could do even one little project. 140 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,931 Re-ducking the duck pond 141 00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:32,141 or fixing up the Springfield Bowl. 142 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,519 The Springfield Bowl. 143 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,317 Very well. 144 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,861 I will rebuild this town on one condition. 145 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:44,946 Forget it. 146 00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,657 Our desperate plea is nonnegotiable. 147 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,992 I want to put on a variety show at the Bowl. 148 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,787 A celebration of everything wonderful about... um, 149 00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,248 -what's the name of this town again? -Springfield, sir. 150 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,292 Yes, I will destroy Springfield. 151 00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:02,046 -Celebrate, sir. -Fine, we'll try it your way first. 152 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,095 Springfield has risen from the ashes like a phoenix. 153 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:10,763 That's phoenix, the mythical bird, 154 00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:14,225 not Phoenix, the cultureless, Mars-scape of the Southwest. 155 00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,435 (chuckles) 156 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:19,230 Our unlikely angel, the Devil himself, C. Montgomery Burns. 157 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:22,900 {\an8}Thank you, Kent. (groans) 158 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:26,654 {\an8}And don't forget the open auditions for my Springfield Follies. 159 00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,574 {\an8}This year women may audition, too, with permission of husband, 160 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:32,160 {\an8}father, and pastor in writing. 161 00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:34,162 BURNS: Next. 162 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,832 (cat yowls) 163 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:40,626 -(gentle melody plays on piano) -(clears throat, coughs) 164 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:44,255 {\an8}(beautiful soprano voice) ♪ Un bel di ♪ 165 00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:47,925 {\an8}♪ Vedremo ♪ 166 00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:51,554 {\an8}♪ Levarsi un fil ♪ 167 00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,515 {\an8}♪ Di fumo... ♪ 168 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,518 Puccini's a little well-trod, don't you think? 169 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,270 {\an8}(yells incoherently) 170 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,856 This isn't right. This isn't how it was at all. 171 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,816 I remember that night so vividly. 172 00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:10,531 Monty, time to go on stage. 173 00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:11,699 Yes, Mama. 174 00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,452 Your little butterscotch drop won't let you down. 175 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:17,246 Aw, who's candy? You's candy. 176 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:20,166 Oh, I'm gonna lick you, my sweet little lolly. 177 00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:22,877 Who likes Mommy's licks? Monty likes Mommy's licks. 178 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,212 Lickity, lickity, lick. 179 00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,338 -(laughing) -Oh, oh, oh. 180 00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,672 -(giggling) -Oh, ho, ho, ho. 181 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:29,008 Oh. Oh, ho, ho. 182 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:32,303 But the butterscotch soon turned to bitter squelch. 183 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,555 I want everything just as it was back then. 184 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,391 The stage filled with children like those from 1913. 185 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,227 High-spirited, snaggletoothed, 186 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,187 and willing to work 18 hours a day. 187 00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,522 SKINNER (over P.A.): Attention. 188 00:08:42,605 --> 00:08:45,942 An old man is prowling the school, looking for young children. 189 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,069 Please, perform for him. 190 00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:50,571 Watch me make this nerd disappear. 191 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:52,907 (grunts) Ta-da! 192 00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,575 Also, haw haw! 193 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:55,952 Excellent villain. 194 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,620 And my cast is complete. 195 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,872 I'll just save the list and... 196 00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,416 (groans) 197 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:05,211 Samson himself could not pry open these jaws. 198 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:06,587 Can I help you, sir? 199 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,715 Oh, women aren't meant for clasp opening. 200 00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,178 Young lady, if there's one thing I know about show business, 201 00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,514 it's that there are a lot of clipboards. 202 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,100 How would you like to be my assistant director? 203 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,268 Hmm. 204 00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,144 {\an8}(thinking) And I'll be perfectly positioned 205 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,565 {\an8}to find out exactly what Mr. Burns is really up to. 206 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:26,649 {\an8}I'm in. 207 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:30,152 {\an8}And if you need another act, I also play this. 208 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:34,490 There's no room in my show for Adolphe Sax's vile-sounding o-phone. 209 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,701 Do you ever say anything in a simple way? 210 00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:38,995 -Shut up. -Well, that was clear. 211 00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,329 (bird caws) 212 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:44,500 Hey, Homer, are you sure we haven't let the plant slip with Mr. Burns gone? 213 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,836 Smitty, as a wise, old man once said, 214 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,423 "Out with the old... and in with the brew." 215 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,508 ♪ ♪ 216 00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:54,844 (slurps) 217 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,889 (indistinct chatter) 218 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,854 (alarm blaring) 219 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,939 (alarm stops) 220 00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,152 ♪ ♪ 221 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,697 (hums) 222 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,034 (vocalizing) 223 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,333 -That's enough. -But I haven't started my act. 224 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,336 -Muntz, what have you got? -A rabbit in a bag. 225 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:30,463 Ooh, a promising magic trick. 226 00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,465 No, it's my lunch. 227 00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,258 Bah! You're all incompetent. 228 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,135 I won't go through this a second time. 229 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,971 "Second time"? Is there something you're not telling us? 230 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,264 A vast amount. 231 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,183 And what part of "What I've never told you" 232 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,185 don't you understand? 233 00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,188 ♪ ♪ 234 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:49,565 (laughter) 235 00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,278 Mother, what is that sound they're making? 236 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:57,698 Well, it's called laughter. You're a laughingstock, Charles. 237 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,868 (whimpering) Oh, oh, it's awful. 238 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,620 This show isn't good enough. 239 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,914 No show could be good enough. 240 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,499 (muffled) It's not? 241 00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:09,210 (bird chirping) 242 00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:10,544 (liquid pouring) 243 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,672 (cheerful scatting) 244 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,634 -What are you doing? -Da-da-do-doo! 245 00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,010 Getting ready for Monday. 246 00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,388 I'm gonna fill a Super Soaker full of lemonade, 247 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,348 Carl's gonna fill one with iced tea, 248 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:25,685 and we're gonna Arnold Palmer Lenny when he walks in. 249 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,603 (laughing) 250 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,357 Arnold Palmer Lenny. 251 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,402 You're going to Arnold Palmer Lenny. 252 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:38,280 Yeah, you see, Arnold Palmer was a golfer, 253 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,574 and he made up this drink 254 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,661 where it's not a full glass of lemonade 255 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,080 or a full glass of iced tea. 256 00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,581 Instead... 257 00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,376 Homie, I'm worried about all this silliness at work. 258 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,503 You're the safety inspector. 259 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:56,173 I'm "a" safety inspector. Not "the." 260 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,508 I've never seen another. 261 00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,927 What-- Wait, one safety inspector? 262 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,595 For the whole nuclear plant? 263 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,972 That's insane. 264 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,432 (giggles) 265 00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,100 Put everything in the car and get out of town. 266 00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,269 I'll find you if there are still roads! 267 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,356 Sweetie, sweetie, all you've got to do is be responsible. 268 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,651 Your friends consider you the leader because you're a little taller. 269 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,278 Hmm. Wow. 270 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,654 Wow! 271 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,450 With above-average height comes above-average responsibility. 272 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,994 Marge, thank you for setting me straight. 273 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,537 You're welcome. 274 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,914 Okay, I want to open this show 275 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,000 with someone being shot into a cannon. 276 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,002 (laughs) 277 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,879 You're joking, right? 278 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,883 Well, because, see, that's impossible. 279 00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,301 (chuckles nervously) 280 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,969 (audience laughing) 281 00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:43,345 (sputters) 282 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,139 Gah! Oh. 283 00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:47,308 Everyone, Little Miss Nitpick hates the show, 284 00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,059 so I'm shutting it down. 285 00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,312 ("Sabre Dance" by Aram Khachaturian plays) 286 00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:52,813 This was an act. 287 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,899 Now it's just bullying. 288 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:56,817 (lights shatter) 289 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,779 (bellows) 290 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,158 Thanks a lot, Lisa. 291 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,701 We were getting out of school for this. 292 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,077 (shoes tapping) 293 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,249 (doorbell rings) 294 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,628 Well, if it isn't the little girl that made a billionaire cry. 295 00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:19,048 -May I please speak with Mr. Burns? -No, he's very busy. 296 00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,844 Won't you please come back and do the show? 297 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:26,180 Shan't. 298 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:29,517 (bike bell ringing) 299 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,603 Oh, that bell has quite the recoil. 300 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,563 {\an8}-(bell continues ringing) -Oh, what is bothering him? 301 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:37,316 {\an8}And what were those weird lines around his eyes? 302 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:38,567 I know. 303 00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,653 It's such a tragedy on that beautiful face. 304 00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,280 Come here. 305 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,116 Well, there's only one explanation for those lines, Lisa. 306 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,702 He's been watching something on the Mutoscope. 307 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,875 So, if I play this, I'll know the answer. 308 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,878 Mm-hmm. It, uh, costs a nickel. 309 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:00,923 (coin drops into slot) 310 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,260 (film winding and sputtering) 311 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,228 (Lisa gasps) 312 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,729 (film continues sputtering) 313 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:22,945 So this is what made Mr. Burns the monster he is. 314 00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:25,281 (giggles) 315 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,951 Within days, half of America was cranking to my bottom. 316 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,787 I think you're trying to make up for what happened to you then 317 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,415 by putting on a perfect Bowl show now. 318 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,667 (scoffs) Spare me you amateur psychology. 319 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,545 "Ooh, I saw my father decapitated by a grain harvester, 320 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,423 and now I can't enjoy wheat. Boohoo." 321 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:45,676 Mr. Burns, I want you to listen to that crowd. 322 00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:50,264 (film winding and sputtering) 323 00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:53,767 {\an8}Do you really want to let those happy, joyous people win? 324 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,769 (film continues winding and sputtering) 325 00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:01,942 Smithers, locate my dickey. 326 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:03,569 We've got a show to do. 327 00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,279 ♪ I was gonna clean my room ♪ 328 00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:07,364 -(laughter and cheering) -♪ Until I got high ♪ 329 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,991 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 330 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,201 ♪ I was gonna get up and find the broom ♪ 331 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,620 -(phone rings, record scratches) -♪ But then... ♪ 332 00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:13,954 Springfield Nuclear. 333 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,123 Yes. Yes, sir, I'll alert the workers... 334 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,583 that the pizzas are here! 335 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:20,252 (cheering, party music playing) 336 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,087 Oh, yeah, here he comes. 337 00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,173 The life of this party! 338 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:27,676 Who wants to get back to work? 339 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,637 -(record scratches, music stops) -MAN: What? 340 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,804 (balloons squeak) 341 00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,598 We are a public trust. 342 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,975 We bring power to people's homes. 343 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,186 Lightbulbs, toasters, 344 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,979 and that's all I can think of. 345 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,731 Now let's buckle down! 346 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:46,946 Okay, Homer, just let us get our microwave popcorn out of the core. 347 00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:50,616 You're only supposed to do that when we're watching a movie in the core. 348 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,703 (crickets chirping) 349 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,122 (indistinct conversations) 350 00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,292 (ragtime piano music playing) 351 00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,642 (cheering and whooping) 352 00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,268 Thank you, thank you. 353 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:22,022 Well, that's the easiest time anyone's had parking at the Springfield Bowl. 354 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,190 (laughter) 355 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,858 -Don't you laugh at me! -(laughter dies down) 356 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,860 Now, enjoy the show. 357 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,823 God always liked you best. 358 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,450 No, God loves everyone equally. 359 00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,285 That's wonderful news. 360 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,537 (chuckles) 361 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,664 Enough of your tomfoolery, Todd. 362 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,040 Let's sing. 363 00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:43,377 BOTH: ♪ Michael, row your boat ashore ♪ 364 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:46,964 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 365 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:50,384 ♪ Michael, row your boat ashore ♪ 366 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,970 ♪ Hallelu... ♪ 367 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:57,891 Say, Sockie, who was that lady I saw you with last night? 368 00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:01,311 (high-pitched) That was no lady. That was your mother. 369 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,147 (normal voice) Oh, she'll date anyone. 370 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,399 Why won't she give me a stable home? 371 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,818 (high-pitched) Haw haw! 372 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:09,862 (bells ringing melodically) 373 00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:14,825 (bells stop, xylophone plays) 374 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,786 -(drumroll) -(hatch creaks) 375 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,246 -(cymbal crash) -(audience applauds) 376 00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,832 Um, this is just a simple twins trick. 377 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:25,252 They pulled the other twin out of the tank behind the curtain. 378 00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:27,254 (applause) 379 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,965 -(fireworks exploding) -(audience cheering and whooping) 380 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,261 Wait, that wasn't part of the show. 381 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:35,804 -(screaming) -(alarm blaring) 382 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,681 No. No, it's not fair! 383 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,017 -I was good! -Arnold. 384 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,435 -Palmer! -(grunting) 385 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:43,020 (both laughing) 386 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,147 (sighs) Fantastic. 387 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,274 What a finale, eh, Mr. Burns? 388 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:50,110 Childhood trauma cured, huh, huh? 389 00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:52,404 That wasn't the finale. 390 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,573 (audience laughing) 391 00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,162 Maestro, "Golden Slippers," if you please. 392 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,330 Ooh, boy. 393 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,085 (shudders) 394 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,378 We can't let him make a fool of himself again. 395 00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:12,382 LISA: No, no, Mr. Burns needs to do this. 396 00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:18,138 ♪ Oh, dem golden slippers ♪ 397 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,182 ♪ Oh, dem gold... ♪ (stammers) 398 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,309 Ow, the burn. Ooh! 399 00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:25,145 Mr. Burns can't take the impact of that many photons. 400 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,022 Those light-shining fools! 401 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,190 (muttering) 402 00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,442 Ow! Ah! 403 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,945 (laughter) 404 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:36,824 Oh, for a murder of crows 405 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,867 to pluck out mine eyes! 406 00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,120 You. This show was your fault. 407 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,705 Well, you'd better know this, mister. 408 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,374 This town has my back. 409 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,835 And... hey. Where did they go? 410 00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,629 How did 15,000 people leave so fast? 411 00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,673 Um... hey! 412 00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:55,217 Want to see me do a cartwheel? 413 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,969 (chuckles nervously, then grunts) 414 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,011 (sighs) 415 00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,222 Always had trouble with those. 416 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,475 Oh, I can't stay mad at you. 417 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:05,894 At my age, I can't stay anything at anybody. 418 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,229 Oh, and you know what? 419 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,314 The laughter in my head is gone. 420 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,733 Go ahead, blow your German kazoo. 421 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:12,943 Yes, sir! 422 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,695 (playing "Golden Slippers") 423 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,866 Smithers, tap my foot for me. 424 00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,367 With impatience. 425 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,870 Now, lift my arm so I can check my watch. 426 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,706 Oh, you really should start doing some of these things yourself. 427 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,666 ♪ ♪ 428 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,671 (slurps) 429 00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,382 Dad, why do Simpsons always fail? 430 00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:37,384 Oh, sweetie pie, 431 00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,512 it's a terrible curse that goes back centuries. 432 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,431 (knocking on door) 433 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,558 No, no! Don't answer that. 434 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,186 MAN: We just need a place to stay for the night. 435 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,188 Oh, shouldn't we help them? 436 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:52,524 Hey, in Zero B.C., you can't trust anybody. 437 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,068 -Curse them, Mary! -You curse them. 438 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,362 -My water just broke! -Please? 439 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,244 You're telling me that really happened? 440 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,371 They looked just like us, didn't they? 441 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,457 (ragtime band playing) 442 00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,969 Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha-that's all, folks! 443 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,137 -(crowd murmuring) -Shh! 444 00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935 Subtitled by Jimmy Boots