1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:06,214
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:09,592
WIGGUM: Yeah, I know
Ralphie's birthday is coming up.
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,594
Of course
I'm gonna get him a present.
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,723
I'm at the...
the toy store right now.
5
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:18,560
Let's see, present for Ralph,
present for Ralph.
6
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:20,437
{\an8}Ooh, what do we have here?
7
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,398
{\an8}Boy, Ralph would kill himself
with this in two seconds.
8
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,358
{\an8}And somehow it'd be my fault.
9
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:26,651
{\an8}Mm!
10
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,530
{\an8}This money has been sitting here
since 1998,
11
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,741
{\an8}not doing anybody any good.
12
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,784
{\an8}I want to get Ralphie
something nice.
13
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{\an8}Yeah, a few thousand should do.
Hm-mm.
14
00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:41,833
{\an8}(whistling a tune)
15
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,668
{\an8}Uh, you heard me
whistling there, right?
16
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,378
{\an8}That indicates innocence.
17
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,214
{\an8}Uh, proclaiming your innocence
indicates guilt.
18
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,799
{\an8}Oh, yeah?
Well, what does this mean?
19
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{\an8}♪ Skiddily bop and bah! ♪
20
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{\an8}(whoops)
21
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,972
{\an8}(engine revving, tires squealing)
22
00:00:57,682 --> 00:01:00,310
{\an8}Okay, so at a Ralph party,
always get to the cake before...
23
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{\an8}Too late.
24
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{\an8}(both gasp)
25
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{\an8}BART: That's the best damn tree house
I've ever seen!
26
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{\an8}(heavenly music plays)
27
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{\an8}Fine.
I'll rub my eyes the other way.
28
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{\an8}(inspiring orchestral fanfare plays)
29
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{\an8}D'oh!
30
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{\an8}(lively chatter, laughter)
31
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{\an8}Whee!
32
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{\an8}Whee...!
33
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Whoa!
34
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The September issue!
35
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{\an8}(gentle classical music plays)
36
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{\an8}Ooh! Free wood!
37
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{\an8}(Homer whoops)
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{\an8}(groans)
Oh.
39
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{\an8}My tree house sucks.
40
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{\an8}Haw haw!
41
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{\an8}(singsongy)
You have class envy!
42
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{\an8}(slurring)
Nelson, honey,
43
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{\an8}I told you to stop sayin'
"haw haw."
44
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,872
{\an8}Give me a dollar and I'll stop.
45
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{\an8}I don't got a dollar.
46
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{\an8}Haw haw!
47
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{\an8}(hums happily)
48
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,712
{\an8}Do you want to practice
your speech on me?
49
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,631
{\an8}(chuckles)
No need, honey.
50
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{\an8}Same speech I give every year.
51
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:16,511
{\an8}The opening joke about
Lenny's grandma always kills.
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{\an8}You can't joke about her.
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{\an8}They just put her on life support.
54
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{\an8}What?! No! She's the linchpin!
55
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{\an8}It's okay, it's okay.
56
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:27,480
{\an8}Everyone is terrified
of public speaking.
57
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{\an8}But just in case,
I'll defrost a failure ham.
58
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{\an8}(dramatic musical stinger)
59
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{\an8}You don't have faith in me!
I have savers.
60
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:39,576
{\an8}If I get heckled, I'll say,
"Get a half-life!"
61
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,830
{\an8}I'm sure that'll be funny to them.
62
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{\an8}Mm! (kisses)
63
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{\an8}(whimpers)
64
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,668
{\an8}Calm down, Homer.
65
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{\an8}Just leave your body.
66
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,173
{\an8}Oh, no!
67
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{\an8}What the hell is this?!
68
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,430
{\an8}(humming happily)
69
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:01,848
{\an8}(startled grunt)
70
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,934
{\an8}Ooh, throwing away
your "No Girls" sign?
71
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,062
{\an8}Is it time for you to have
"the talk" with your dad?
72
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:11,191
{\an8}Because he's gonna have
to read a few things first.
73
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No. I'm tearing it down.
74
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,570
Ralph has a cool tree house,
and mine sucks.
75
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,572
Well, Bart, your father built it,
76
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,033
and he did the very best he could.
77
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(grunting)
78
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,162
I did my job.
Now it's your turn, tree.
79
00:03:24,245 --> 00:03:26,331
Get growing.
80
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,876
I'll tell you what,
why don't I spruce it up for you. Huh?
81
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:31,836
But you're an inside grown-up.
82
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Moms can't build tree houses.
83
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,924
You realize that saying that
84
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is gonna make this mom
work her keister off
85
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to make you the best darn
tree house you ever saw!
86
00:03:42,764 --> 00:03:44,557
Sounds good.
87
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,808
(screams)
88
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:46,935
Don't worry.
89
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,686
You forget, most of that's hair.
90
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,021
BURNS:
(chuckles) So I said,
91
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,564
"Get a half-life!"
92
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,649
(laughter)
93
00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,364
(laughs)
94
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,783
Funny and handsome.
And I hear he's loaded.
95
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,243
(chuckles)
Yes.
96
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,745
Now, to end this perfect day
on the perfect note,
97
00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:07,997
Mr. Homer Simpson.
98
00:04:09,123 --> 00:04:12,293
(footsteps echoing)
99
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,591
(footsteps echoing louder)
100
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,720
{\an8}(man coughs)
101
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,472
{\an8}You're gonna do great, Homer.
You're gonna kill.
102
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:27,558
{\an8}You're gonna-- Oh, where did
all these people come from?!
103
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,395
{\an8}-(gunshot)
-Aah!
104
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,896
Uh, uh...
105
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,525
Webster's Dictionary defines...
a speech
106
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:39,737
as a... series of words that...
107
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-(murmuring)
-elo... quently...
108
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,284
I've never seen anyone
bomb like that.
109
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:47,036
Yeah.
I really feel badly for the guy.
110
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,329
-Boo!
-Boo!
111
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(crowd booing)
112
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(whimpering, shuddering)
113
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I'm a failure.
114
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,463
Shall I release the hounds, sir?
115
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,466
Mm, the therapy hounds.
116
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,764
Oh, oh, I feel a little better.
117
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,641
Now release the real hounds.
118
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(dogs barking, snarling)
119
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(screaming)
120
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,855
It's a pretty good seminar this year.
121
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,361
Dad, what's wrong?
Did your speech go badly?
122
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,779
How do you know
something's wrong?
123
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,948
You're drinking from a can of corn.
124
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,616
{\an8}Hmm? Eh.
125
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,289
Aw, Dad,
do you know Barbra Streisand
126
00:05:31,372 --> 00:05:32,623
once forgot the words to a song
127
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:36,044
and didn't perform in public again
for nearly three decades?
128
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:38,963
Yeah, but she still
had James Brolin to cuddle.
129
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:42,050
So, on a scale
of ten to ten, how'd you do?
130
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,634
Um...
131
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(water dripping)
132
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♪ Drip drop, you flop ♪
133
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♪ Drip drop, you flop,
drip drop, you flop, ♪
134
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,314
-♪ Drip drop, you flop ♪
-♪ Fail, fail, fail ♪
135
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,149
-♪ Drip drop, you flop... ♪
-♪ Fail, fail... ♪
136
00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:00,026
What the hell is your problem, idiot?!
137
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,778
-(kettle whistling)
-(Homer gasping)
138
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,071
I don't know!
139
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:05,323
(sobbing)
I don't know!
140
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(whimpers)
141
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,579
I know what will cheer you up.
142
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,998
We'll go to the comedy club downtown.
143
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,168
Downtown?
With all those desperate addicts?
144
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:20,088
Oh, the city cleaned them up
and made them comics.
145
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,339
Cool!
146
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,258
Homie, you're gonna chuckle
your blues away.
147
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,386
This is the best kind of comedy.
148
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,429
-No writers.
-Amen to that, Marge.
149
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,390
And I appreciate this,
but I really resent
150
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,933
the two-drink minimum!
151
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,935
You always drink more
than two drinks.
152
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,895
But no one makes me.
153
00:06:35,978 --> 00:06:38,481
Three Long Island iced teas, please.
154
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,068
Okay, we're gonna perform
a little improv.
155
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,694
First we need a location.
156
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,030
Uh, 40.7 degrees north latitude,
157
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,408
74 degrees west longitude.
158
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:49,784
Ah, yes, New York City.
159
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,203
Now we need a relationship
for me and Cathy here.
160
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,621
Loveless marriage!
161
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,706
(laughs)
Okay, I heard loveless marriage.
162
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,125
These guys are pros.
163
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,377
All they did was ask
for two premises.
164
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:02,046
That's two more
than you've asked for.
165
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,631
(sighs)
Oh, boy.
166
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,800
All right, all we need now
is an object.
167
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,051
Anyone.
168
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:10,638
(quietly)
Fear of public speaking.
169
00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:11,806
Sorry, didn't hear that.
170
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:14,809
Oh... fear of public speaking.
171
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:16,769
Maybe he has trouble
talking in the dark.
172
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,813
Hey, Jerry, bring up number seven.
173
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:19,897
(shrieks)
174
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,065
No! Jerry, no!
175
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,817
Aah! No! Aah!
176
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,277
Jerry, stop it! No!
177
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,570
Stop... Aah!
178
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,239
Oh, no! Oh-ho-ho! Aah! Oh!
179
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:31,284
Okay, okay, okay, um...
fear of public speaking.
180
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:32,785
Well, that's not really an object,
181
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,245
but we'll make it work.
182
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:36,038
New York City, loveless marriage,
183
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,832
fear of public speaking.
184
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:41,419
They've pulled back the bow;
now let the arrow take flight.
185
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:44,630
You know,
I'm gonna move over a seat.
186
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:49,343
We now take you to an apartment
on 68th and Columbus Avenue.
187
00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:52,430
(trembling)
Oh... eek...
188
00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:55,141
aah... aah... ooh...
189
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,101
What? What?
Cathy, what's wrong?
190
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,519
I-I... I-I...
191
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:01,481
I... ah-ah-ah... ah...
192
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:03,649
Aw, for heaven's sakes, Cathy,
when we got married,
193
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,443
you used to speak for hours.
194
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,904
But since we moved
to New York City, nothing!
195
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,323
-(crowd laughing)
-Wow. It all magically fits.
196
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:13,159
Come on, Cathy, say something!
Anything!
197
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,328
(Italian accent)
Fuggedaboutit!
198
00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,163
(laughter, applause)
199
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,167
And scene!
200
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,794
I said "fear of public speaking."
201
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,923
Yes, you did. Very nice.
Return to your seat immediately.
202
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:29,800
Wow. Wow.
These guys do everything I can't.
203
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,469
Maybe they can teach me.
204
00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:33,763
I don't know
that they're interested in that.
205
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,932
$500 for the first eight classes.
206
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,642
That's kind of expensive.
207
00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:40,603
Couldn't people just form
their own groups for free?
208
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,522
And scene.
209
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,692
Uh, uh...
excuse me, is this the, uh,
210
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,319
improv class?
211
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,404
Yes, and... come in.
212
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,405
Sit anywhere?
213
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,824
Yes, and... be quiet.
214
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,661
HOMER:
This is it.
215
00:08:56,744 --> 00:09:00,206
I feel my mind exploding
with premises.
216
00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:02,291
♪ ♪
217
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,594
So many ideas,
218
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,055
but how do I turn them
into comedy?
219
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:19,809
♪ Oh, kiss me ♪
220
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,311
♪ Beneath the milky twilight... ♪
221
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,771
(chuckling)
222
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,898
Homer, could-could you
stay with us, please?
223
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,191
I don't know how.
224
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,193
The secret is to lose yourself
225
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,988
and become, say,
a suicidal auctioneer.
226
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,157
I could not possibly imagine
what such a person would say.
227
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,827
Well, just remember,
it's-it's not you.
228
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,037
Don't you get it?
The secret to life
229
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,248
has been right in front of you
all along:
230
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,709
Don't be yourself!
231
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,711
Uh, uh, okay.
232
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:48,713
What am I bid for this noose?
233
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:49,880
Do hear $100?
234
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:50,881
No?
235
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,216
Going... going...
236
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,301
(chokes)
237
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,970
(laughter)
238
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:59,056
That's great! Really took
my mind off my sick grandmother.
239
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,474
-(phone chimes)
-Oh.
240
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,810
Looks like the hospital
left a message.
241
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,896
-(voice breaking) Gotta go.
-HOMER: See ya!
242
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:07,898
(laughs)
It made me laugh.
243
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:09,734
-So, then you pay me?
-No, never!
244
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,153
And if you open your own school,
we'll break your legs!
245
00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,905
You want to give him
the one we can never crack?
246
00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,658
Queen of Norway buying a car.
247
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:22,496
(high-pitched)
Oh, dear! I can't a-fjord it!
248
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,665
A star is born.
249
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,334
(grunting)
250
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,004
Excuse me.
251
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,006
I'm from the city.
Are you aware that you live
252
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,258
in a historical tree house
preservation district?
253
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,344
♪ ♪
254
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,352
May I see your permits?
255
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,020
I don't have permits.
256
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,772
-(screams)
-Don't worry.
257
00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,774
D-Don't worry.
I'll take care of it.
258
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,859
(grunting)
259
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,697
I've got to hand it to you, Dad.
260
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:58,616
You went
from fear of public speaking
261
00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:01,369
to starting your own improv troupe.
262
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:04,372
Improv is exciting, but totally safe.
263
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,707
Like driving a helicopter on the ground.
264
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,042
Um, that's not safe.
265
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,670
Don't deny the premise.
That's anti-improv.
266
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,464
Note for new character,
"Auntie Improv."
267
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,133
(high-pitched)
May I hear a suggestion?
268
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,344
People, don't freak out,
269
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:21,347
but the improv critic
from the Springfield Shopper
270
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,932
is in the audience.
271
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,142
(gasps)
Steve Thurlson?
272
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,395
No, Thurlson is their improv reporter.
273
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,063
Grant Hood is their improv critic.
274
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,898
Then who's Jennifer Whitehead?
275
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,650
Oh, she writes improv think pieces.
276
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,235
You know, trends, big picture stuff.
277
00:11:34,318 --> 00:11:35,653
Who does the top ten list
278
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,655
at end-of-year "Best of Improv" issue?
279
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:38,948
They each write their own.
280
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,324
-(all murmuring assent)
-Oh, yeah.
281
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,992
I forgot about that.
That's true.
282
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,869
Huh!
283
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,329
(piano riff playing)
284
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,123
(crowd cheers)
285
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,666
Hi, everybody.
286
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,584
We are "Premises, Premises."
287
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,755
Yes, it says on Google
that there are 5,012 improv groups
288
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,799
with that name.
289
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,259
LENNY:
Take it, Homer.
290
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:01,721
(nervously)
Uh, okay, I need a location.
291
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:04,473
Uh, Jackson Square in New Orleans.
292
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,309
And a type of person
that might be there.
293
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,228
Someone with confidence.
294
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:10,855
Mm, I...
295
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,773
(Cajun accent)
I ga-ron-tee it!
296
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,818
(laughter, cheering)
297
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,612
So, Tuesday
is the tree house warming.
298
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,573
Nelson's gonna show us his mom's bra.
299
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:21,866
(gasps)
300
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,909
That's the thing that boobs touch.
301
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,870
Whoa, automatic blinds.
302
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,873
Yeah, I think my mom put those in.
303
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:29,874
No need to thank her.
304
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,041
She's just doing her job.
305
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:33,878
(grumbles)
306
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:39,717
The Keebler Elves are real!
307
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,219
Pass the gravy, Bart.
308
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,429
Yo.
309
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:44,722
Thank you.
310
00:12:44,805 --> 00:12:46,432
Geez, who ordered the crab?
311
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,725
(gasps)
There's crab?
312
00:12:47,808 --> 00:12:49,059
There's no crab.
313
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,604
There's no "thank yous,"
no appreciation.
314
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:52,980
Nothing.
315
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,318
Uh, who was that directed at?
316
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:58,402
Bart!
317
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,488
Whew!
Pass the gravy, please.
318
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:02,990
(phone chimes)
319
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,576
(gasps)
Dad! Dad!
320
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,996
The Springfield Fringe Festival
just invited us to perform!
321
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:11,123
Huh?
What's a "Fringe Festival"?
322
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:13,751
My guess would be
it's a three-day series of performances
323
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,628
by alternative comedy and music acts,
324
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,254
including, but not limited to,
325
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:19,924
improv, stand-up, light circus work
and ironic burlesque.
326
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:23,177
We're gonna be on
the main stage on closing night!
327
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,595
This is going in my log.
328
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:25,679
Yay!
329
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,932
(chuckles)
More crab for me.
330
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,642
MARGE:
There's no crab!
331
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,810
Mm!
332
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,645
(humming happily)
333
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:33,604
(grunts, slurps)
334
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,439
Mmm!
335
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,774
(Marge grunting)
336
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,111
Aw, Marge,
don't take it to heart.
337
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,364
Kids are ungrateful;
that's their job.
338
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,242
You can cheer up watching me
at the Fringe Festival.
339
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,660
Good for you.
340
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,663
The main stage, closing night,
all eyes on you.
341
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,873
Wh-Wh-Wh-What...
what are you saying?
342
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,167
Oh, she's making me
nervous again.
343
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,794
But now I'm a trained
comedy amateur.
344
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,379
No one can get in my head.
345
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,297
MARGE:
Marge Simpson,
346
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,717
you don't want to accidentally
undermine him like last time.
347
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,387
Oh, thank God he doesn't know
what I'm thinking.
348
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,347
I know exactly what she's thinking.
349
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,225
That if I mess this up,
I'll be worse off than ever.
350
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,226
He does know.
351
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,394
She knows I know!
352
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,062
(Homer and Marge scream)
353
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,985
-Homer?
-(muffled) Aw, what?
354
00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,862
I slept on it,
and I'm madder than ever.
355
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,154
Go get Bart.
356
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:25,364
Oh, my God, Marge,
357
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,324
you woke up with
morning-would-be-mad.
358
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,743
Okay,
I'll put this in your new language.
359
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,704
Location: Bart's room.
360
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,831
Action: bring him here.
361
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,165
Can I get a character, please?
362
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,500
Fine. Um...
363
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,919
A near-sighted Frankenstein.
364
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,170
Okay.
365
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,089
(growling)
366
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,302
Bride! Bride!
367
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:49,096
I do not look like
the Bride of Frankenstein.
368
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:50,890
Don't deny premise.
369
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,266
(growls)
370
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,603
(knocking on door)
371
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,687
(grunts)
372
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:59,356
BART:
Mom, can I come in?
373
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,233
You like your eggs
a little runny don't you?
374
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,152
-What?
-And your toast set at four,
375
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:04,361
with a little bit of butter?
376
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,613
Yeah!
377
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,198
Hash browns might be a little burnt.
378
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,201
I like 'em however you make 'em,
sweetie.
379
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,745
I just wanted to say
380
00:15:12,828 --> 00:15:14,246
I'm sorry.
381
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,665
We all forget just how many
wonderful things you do.
382
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,043
Oh...
(gasps)
383
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,795
(voice breaking)
Y-You're making me cry.
384
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,088
-(sobs)
-And best of all,
385
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:25,799
you're as hot
as the day I met you.
386
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:28,636
(sobs)
Thank you!
387
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:32,473
That apology speech you wrote
worked like a charm, Pop.
388
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,433
Your mother can't resist
an apology
389
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,477
that comes
straight from the heart.
390
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,978
Of this box.
391
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,441
Oh, dear God,
392
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:45,402
this is not a Renaissance Faire, is it?
393
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:49,073
Uh, that's in two weeks,
Henry the Weight Problem. Ha!
394
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:52,576
Gee, I don't know if I belong here
with all this talent.
395
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,994
(goofy voice)
Hey, Reverend.
396
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,913
Why didn't the dinosaurs
make it on Noah's Ark?
397
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,456
(normal voice)
Ooh, I give up.
398
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:59,416
(goofy voice)
Because they didn't exist.
399
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,960
(laughter)
400
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,465
(carnival music plays)
401
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:09,635
Dad, this festival
encourages experimentation.
402
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:10,970
Even failure.
403
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,930
Oh, what if I don't fail?
404
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,765
Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
405
00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,475
I am getting a helium balloon.
406
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:17,935
That makes anyone funny.
407
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,062
(high helium voice)
Be right back!
408
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,398
(Homer retching)
409
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,692
{\an8}Homer, are you okay?
410
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:28,195
{\an8}You look exactly like
Barbara Streisand did in 1967.
411
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,322
I can't think of anything funny.
412
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,366
Homer, Homer, relax,
you're a riot.
413
00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,911
Remember how funny you was when
you was the confident Cajun?
414
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,163
Look, just let me
feed you the prompt.
415
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,499
Wait, you mean cheat at improv?
416
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,126
What would Del Close say?
417
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,170
He would say, "Do like Moe says,
and shut the hell up."
418
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,880
Who's Del Close?
419
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:50,467
{\an8}Only the author of the best book
I intend to read someday.
420
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,886
Homer, the cemeteries
are filled with people
421
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,722
who didn't cheat at improv.
422
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,557
Hmm.
423
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,399
Okay, let's go over what you're
gonna call out one more time.
424
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,317
Uh, ethnicity: Cajun.
425
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,028
Location: back alley.
426
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,320
Good, good.
427
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,655
The back alley Cajun bit.
428
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,157
LISA: (high helium voice)
Dad!
429
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,160
Are you cheating
by planting suggestions?
430
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:18,370
-Maybe.
-(gasps)
431
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:19,830
(normal voice)
Have you learned nothing
432
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:22,458
from owning an unread copy
of Truth in Comedy?
433
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,376
It's either that or quit the show.
434
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,336
You can't let your troupe down.
435
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,173
They need your space work,
your strong choices
436
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,008
and scene-building skills.
437
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:32,676
Hey, lay off your dad, huh?
438
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,928
Everything that's
supposedly spontaneous
439
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,430
has already been planned, okay?
440
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,516
Reality shows, uh,
lip-sync singing, even...
441
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,851
(dramatic voice)
award shows.
442
00:17:40,934 --> 00:17:42,352
No!
443
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,772
Yes.
That's why the losers don't show up.
444
00:17:44,855 --> 00:17:46,315
B-B-But they have scheduling conflicts.
445
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,608
Yeah, right.
446
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,944
Dave Franco has a scheduling conflict.
447
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,404
No, no, I've heard enough.
448
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,866
I refuse to use
performance enhancing "sugs."
449
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,036
-(murmuring)
-It's Homer Simpson.
450
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:00,537
Homer Simpson's here.
451
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:02,372
(crowd continues murmuring excitedly)
452
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:04,583
Okay, everyone, I'm Homer Simpson,
453
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,502
and I need an occupation.
454
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,920
Cadaver salesman?
455
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,713
Drive-thru cashier.
456
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,548
Uh, frog gigger.
457
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,758
Finger kisser! Mwah!
458
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,009
Nurse.
459
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,677
You'll have to be more specific.
460
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,679
I need a nurse!
461
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,223
Back alley Cajun!
462
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:20,224
Mm-hmm!
463
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:21,558
Ah...
464
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,977
A father I can look up to.
465
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,980
Oh. Um, uh...
466
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,733
I hear... drive-thru cashier!
467
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,568
BOTH:
You wha...?!
468
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,862
Hello, welcome
to "Down-and-Out Burger."
469
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,030
Would you like fries with that?
470
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,406
-(laughter)
-A thousand?
471
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,742
Sure thing, Mr. Brando.
472
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,161
By the way, this is 1992.
473
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,539
(Homer chuckles, crowd laughing)
474
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,129
And now we're gonna do
something a little special.
475
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,799
Our father is gonna improv
live answers to questions
476
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,425
from the TV audience.
477
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:59,805
It only took us 27 years to do
what they could do in 1954.
478
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,682
Homer, time to bomb.
479
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,518
Hello! I've gathered you here
480
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,186
because I have
an important announcement.
481
00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:09,356
This is the last episode
of The Simpsons.
482
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:10,607
It's been a good run--
483
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,817
Ah, just kidding!
484
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,610
The Simpsons will never end!
485
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,112
But I do have bad news.
486
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,446
If you're seeing this,
487
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,074
{\an8}something has gone
horribly, horribly wrong.
488
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,577
{\an8}Or you're watching
the international version.
489
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,580
{\an8}In either case,
I have three minutes to fill.
490
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,040
And I can think of no better way
to fill that time
491
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,836
than to throw my hat into the ring
for U.S. President.
492
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,797
I have no previous experience,
no endorsements,
493
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,300
and no idea
when the election is.
494
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,468
That makes me
the most qualified.
495
00:19:38,552 --> 00:19:39,887
By far.
496
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,890
I can beat Trump and Clinton
and Sanders.
497
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,267
Stupid Sanders.
498
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,269
I will make America great again.
499
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,062
Then not so great.
500
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,481
I will keep you on your toes.
501
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,233
I will not run for a second term.
502
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,818
I will walk.
503
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:56,320
I will drill, baby, drill,
504
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:59,031
until I find
the river of chocolate
505
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,700
that lies beneath
Hershey, Pennsylvania.
506
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:04,953
I will not only leave Gitmo open,
507
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,664
I will open Gitmo's tavern.
508
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,543
I believe that no one,
whatever his or her gender,
509
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:15,172
should have to use
the bathroom after I do.
510
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:16,924
I am a winner!
511
00:20:17,007 --> 00:20:18,675
If the superdelegates oppose me,
512
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,428
I will destroy them with kryptonite.
513
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:25,265
{\an8}I plan to win on the first,
second, and third ballots.
514
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,934
{\an8}Maybe take a breather
on the fourth,
515
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,645
{\an8}and come back strong
on the fifth.
516
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:33,023
{\an8}And I'll get rid of
the boring Olympic events.
517
00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,816
Like all of them.
518
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,194
I will increase American exports,
519
00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,696
starting with my two stupid
sister-in-laws.
520
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:41,365
Uh...
521
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,450
sister-in-laws...?
522
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,662
Let's just call them
"American Uglies."
523
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,914
Soon to be "Canadian Sevens."
524
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,999
I would also like to apologize
525
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,877
for the horrible thing
I just said about Canada.
526
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:56,129
And so, I withdraw.
527
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,423
I throw my endorsement
to Jeb Bush,
528
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,425
and I trust it's not too late.
529
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:03,011
{\an8}In conclusion,
God bless America,
530
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,181
{\an8}and God bless Springfield,
in the beautiful state of--
531
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,892
{\an8}Oh, wait.
I'm afraid my time is up.
532
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:53,687
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
533
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,985
Subtitled by Jimmy Boots