1
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♪ ♪
2
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(couch and TV grunting happily)
3
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(giggles, gasps)
4
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(both laughing playfully)
5
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(both panting, sighing)
6
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(grunting)
7
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(groaning)
8
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HOMER:
Wow, an indoor water park.
9
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:39,873
Hopefully, this will put the final nail
in the coffin of lakes and rivers.
10
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-Well, as a mother, I...
-We all know you're a mother.
11
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As a mother,
12
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I like that wherever I look,
I can see a lifeguard.
13
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{\an8}I'm finding Nemo!
14
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I saw heaven!
15
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(cheering)
16
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-(grunting)
-My head!
17
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(groaning)
18
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,735
-(laughter)
-(groans)
19
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{\an8}-(grunts)
-(laughs)
20
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{\an8}Mom! Bart got my hair wet,
21
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{\an8}and I wasn't ready to get it wet yet!
22
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{\an8}-(hair dryer whirs)
-Hmm.
23
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,247
{\an8}I'm afraid you're going
in the kiddie pool.
24
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:26,169
{\an8}Oh. I've had baths
that were more exciting. Baths!
25
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{\an8}(kids gasping happily)
26
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{\an8}Oh, my God, a plastic ring.
27
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{\an8}Out of my way, you little twerps!
28
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{\an8}I want that ring.
29
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{\an8}(grunting) Ow!
30
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{\an8}Hmm.
31
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{\an8}Hey, uh, do you have any waterslides
32
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{\an8}for the gentleman
of leisurely proportions?
33
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{\an8}Right this way, sir.
34
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,773
{\an8}This park specializes in extra-wide
35
00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:50,068
{\an8}double-reinforced tubing
for the modern American fatso.
36
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{\an8}(chuckles) Oh, well.
37
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{\an8}Cola wars veteran coming through!
38
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{\an8}Whoo-hoo! I'm exercising!
39
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{\an8}(laughing)
40
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{\an8}(mechanical bear roars)
41
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{\an8}(gunshot)
42
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{\an8}Awesome.
43
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,876
{\an8}Milhouse, how long
you been waiting in line?
44
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,379
{\an8}You mean you didn't
use the app last week
45
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{\an8}to get your Slammin' Salmon
line number?
46
00:02:11,881 --> 00:02:13,550
{\an8}What are you, Amish?
47
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:16,010
{\an8}(groans) Hmm.
48
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,221
{\an8}All right, time to thin out the herd.
49
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,932
{\an8}(grunting softly)
50
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,142
{\an8}(static crackles)
51
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{\an8}(deep voice, over P.A.): Attention,
bathers, this is water park president
52
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,479
{\an8}Cal A. Bunga.
53
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{\an8}Do not panic,
but the pools are infested
54
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{\an8}with those tiny fish
that swim up your wiener.
55
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{\an8}-Get out of the way!
-(crowd clamoring, screaming)
56
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,990
{\an8}Again, do not panic.
57
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:40,160
{\an8}If you think a wiener fish
has entered your dingus,
58
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{\an8}the only cure is to roll around
naked in the snow.
59
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{\an8}(clamoring)
60
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{\an8}(people gasping, groaning)
61
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,632
{\an8}Uh, Lou, I need a big favor from you.
62
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,677
{\an8}Oh, man. I... They don't train
you for this at the academy.
63
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,970
{\an8}Well, they should.
64
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{\an8}(laughing)
65
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{\an8}-(mechanical bear roars)
-(hawk screeches)
66
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{\an8}(gunshot)
67
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{\an8}(laughing continues)
68
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{\an8}Whee! Yes!
69
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{\an8}(wind whistles)
70
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{\an8}(sniffs)
71
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,782
{\an8}Oh, dear God! Bio breach!
72
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(grumbles)
73
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(shrieks)
74
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{\an8}(gasps) That poor raccoon!
75
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,712
{\an8}Isn't anyone gonna do anything?
76
00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:36,424
{\an8}He committed nature's greatest
crime-- coming inside.
77
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{\an8}(grunts)
78
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{\an8}No heartbeat.
79
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,267
{\an8}Finally, a chance to use
my online CPR training.
80
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,811
{\an8}(whispering)
One, two, three, four five. (blows)
81
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,648
{\an8}One, two, three, four, five. (blows)
82
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,984
{\an8}(singsongy) Lisa has a boyfriend!
Lisa has a boyfriend!
83
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{\an8}Oh, a boyfriend?
84
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:59,697
{\an8}And raccoons are such good providers.
85
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,407
{\an8}Come on, come on.
86
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,368
{\an8}You have so much more trash to eat.
87
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:06,704
{\an8}Steal one more breath, noble bandit.
(grunts)
88
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,539
{\an8}(coughs)
89
00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,833
{\an8}It worked. I saved you.
90
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:13,086
{\an8}-(chitters)
-(sighs) My first rescue.
91
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,463
{\an8}And my first real kiss.
92
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:19,050
She'd have chosen me
if I was wearing a real bathing suit.
93
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,552
{\an8}(groans)
94
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,931
{\an8}For once, a life saved
at a Springfield water park,
95
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,557
{\an8}where a quick-thinking second grader
96
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,685
{\an8}performed emergency CPR
97
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,645
{\an8}on a drowning nuisance animal,
98
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:34,524
{\an8}while dozens of unheroic onlookers
just stood around.
99
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,067
{\an8}Where was Channel Six news?
100
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:39,028
{\an8}Filming gas pumps
and their ever-changing prices.
101
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,156
{\an8}Which accomplishes what?
I don't know.
102
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,702
{\an8}DIRECTOR:
There's eight minutes left.
103
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,454
{\an8}-Uh, did we do gas prices?
-Yes!
104
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:52,709
(giggles)
We saw you on the picture radio.
105
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,377
They chyroned your name.
106
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,963
They described you as "Local Girl."
107
00:04:57,046 --> 00:05:00,341
Hubba, hubba.
They sure got that right. (growls)
108
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,510
Lisa, it looks like
you're the perfect student
109
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:05,221
to look after Nibbles the hamster here
during spring break.
110
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,516
I'd take him with me, but I'm doing
Jell-O shots with former students.
111
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:11,978
This spring break,
I'm gonna go wild with responsibility!
112
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:15,398
My dad's spending spring break
in a cage, too.
113
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:19,193
And for saving that raccoon,
I got the opposite of teasing.
114
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,237
I bet the Germans
have a word for it, like, uh,
115
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,906
gerstronkenplatzen or something.
(chuckles)
116
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,243
I wish the Germans had a word
for this terrible traffic.
117
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,996
And so ends the moment being about me.
118
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,748
What's going on, Chief?
119
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,458
Oh, nasty car crash.
120
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Can't let traffic through
121
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,420
until the cleanup crew mops up this mess.
122
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Which is a problem,
123
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,341
because they're stuck in traffic
behind you.
124
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,509
Okay, who did that?!
125
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,094
We need to get home.
126
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,430
I left my father-in-law on the sofa.
127
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:49,015
He's got to be turned.
128
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,516
Yeah, well, that ain't gonna happen.
129
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,935
Not unless you clean up
this accident scene. (chuckles)
130
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,354
Actually, seriously, could you do that?
131
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,105
Hmm, I don't know.
132
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,982
I'm one of those people who doesn't like
133
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,693
being traumatized by horrifying sights.
134
00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:03,279
Marge, do you know why
I became a cop?
135
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,532
If you do, could you tell me?
'Cause it's-it's really dangerous.
136
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:09,327
B-But these crime scene cleanups,
they're totally safe.
137
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,954
All the bad people are dead
or, uh, at large.
138
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,373
So give it a shot.
139
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,458
Please. Please, Mom.
140
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:17,960
Huh?
141
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:20,129
Oh, all right.
142
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:31,224
There you go. Spick and span.
143
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:35,812
Wow, you even made
the homeless guy look nice.
144
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:38,064
Yeah, still crazy, though.
145
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:41,067
You know, Marge, uh, you ever want
some fast extra cash,
146
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:44,237
we are always looking
for crime scene cleaner-uppers.
147
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,989
You know what they say--
crime always pays.
148
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,034
Plus, you can keep any money you find,
149
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,995
and any jewelry that isn't monogrammed.
150
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,872
{\an8}(bicycle bell dings)
151
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,003
Hello, little girl.
152
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:04,173
Oh, does your hamster
have Tyzzer's disease?
153
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,758
That would've been interesting,
154
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,511
but I swabbed him for Tyzzer's
and it came up negative.
155
00:07:08,594 --> 00:07:11,639
My. You certainly know
a lot about animals.
156
00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:13,558
That's just it, I do.
157
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,476
I saved a raccoon's life the other day.
158
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,270
It was the best feeling I've ever had.
159
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,272
Is there any way
I could work in your office?
160
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,566
I mean, as an intern or anything?
161
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:25,695
Oh, do you know how many people
walk in here every day
162
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,447
looking for just such a thing?
163
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,616
-A lot, I bet.
-No, it's never happened.
164
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,619
Grab a clean smock and follow me.
165
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:35,496
Oh, okay! (giggles)
166
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,332
I can't find a clean smock.
167
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:41,919
Then your first job
is to clean the smocks.
168
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,505
-(bell dings)
-I'm ready, Dr. Budgie.
169
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,425
Oh, it's a shame to ruin
such a clean smock,
170
00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,843
but, uh, let's go.
171
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,928
Hmm.
172
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,388
(squeals)
173
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,766
(sputters)
174
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,727
This is heaven.
175
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,187
You got to help me, Doc.
176
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,356
My pet ferret has lost
its terrible stink!
177
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,900
Well, that won't do.
178
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,902
Let me have a go at jump-starting
179
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,403
the old stink gland.
180
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,906
Lisa, my dear,
can you restrain the ferret?
181
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,949
It would be my honor.
182
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,038
{\an8}-Clear!
-(electrical buzz)
183
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,916
{\an8}We have stink lines!
184
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:21,626
{\an8}Well done, Lisa.
185
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,920
Heaven! (chuckles)
186
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,671
Ew.
187
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,635
-(barking)
-(meowing)
188
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:34,347
-(horse neighs)
-All right, Veggie Kibble for Daisy here.
189
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:38,351
Chairman Meow is having surgery tomorrow,
so only liquid for you.
190
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,853
And no more food for you, Mr. Snake,
191
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,189
until you finish shedding your skin.
192
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,192
Oh. You have.
193
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:50,071
Dr. Budgie, I'm really enjoying
cleaning out these cages.
194
00:08:50,154 --> 00:08:53,741
No, really, I am, but are there any jobs
that are more exciting?
195
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:55,117
Absolutely.
196
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,953
You can hobble these crickets.
197
00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:00,456
We have a hungry chameleon
who's slowing down with age,
198
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,042
but he still loves
the thrill of the hunt.
199
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,336
Mm. Anything more life or deathy?
200
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,213
I could take the animals' temperature.
201
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:09,715
I know what that means,
and I am up for it.
202
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:11,759
Oh, Lisa, slow down.
203
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:14,637
Do you know how many
awkward courses I had to take
204
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,139
before they let me
put my arm inside a horse?
205
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:18,391
I understand.
206
00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:20,601
I just feel like I could be doing more.
207
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:23,229
Oh, you remind me
of a certain young man
208
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:26,148
growing up
in Stratfordshire-on-Corningwell.
209
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,025
He, too, was impatient.
210
00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:30,278
Always thinking he could do more.
211
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,737
-Was that you?
-No.
212
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,906
If that was me, I would have said "me."
213
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,950
This eager beaver
214
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,744
had to leave veterinary school
and become--
215
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,998
-ugh-- a people doctor.
-Ooh.
216
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:45,876
MAN (on TV): And with the 27th pick
of the 14th round of the NHL draft,
217
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,045
the Phoenix Coyotes select...
218
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,214
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
219
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,301
-...Cédric Bélanger.
-But Lubochuck.
220
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,970
Homie, I think we need a new ceiling fan.
221
00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,680
The old one doesn't seem safe.
222
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,181
(electrical crackling)
223
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,101
It's fine.
And it saves us money on haircuts.
224
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,686
(Bart gasps)
225
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,315
Not bad, but I miss the social aspects
of the barbershop.
226
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:11,235
MAN: The St. Louis Blues
are now on the clock.
227
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,529
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
228
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,864
Hmm.
229
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,074
-(phone rings)
-Springfield PD.
230
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,909
PD... police department!
231
00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:20,661
Ha! I just got that.
232
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,955
Chief, Chief, this is Marge Simpson.
233
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:26,334
I think I'd like to do
some of those crime scene cleanups.
234
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:29,086
Oh, great, great.
Hey, I got a job for you right here.
235
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,630
Uh, murder-suicide.
236
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,715
Or possibly a suicide-murder.
237
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,176
Just bring a mop and your imagination.
238
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:37,386
Hey, it can't be worse
than what I've seen.
239
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,598
Homer, I told you not to eat chili
out of the colander!
240
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:43,017
Uh, it's pronounced "calendar."
241
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,605
{\an8}What's the matter, little guy?
You haven't touched your berries.
242
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,982
{\an8}Do you need aphids for flavor?
243
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,360
{\an8}Mmm. Aphids.
244
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:55,237
{\an8}DR. BUDGIE:
Lisa, could you come here for a moment?
245
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,948
{\an8}(gasps) At last.
246
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:01,077
I'm trying to give this
Saint Bernard a shot,
247
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,079
but my hands are a little shaky.
248
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:05,873
I had an extra gallon of tea for lunch.
249
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,125
-Oh, my.
-If I hold him,
250
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:11,337
do you think you could attend
to the matter of the needle?
251
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:12,588
Of course!
252
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,092
-Mm.
-Careful, careful.
253
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,427
A single millimeter either way
254
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,262
would not make much of a difference.
255
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:25,851
LISA: Huh. Why am I not feeling
the same rush I did with the raccoon?
256
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,478
(barking)
257
00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:30,106
(shudders) There it is!
258
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,486
-(humming)
-Be careful, Mrs. S.
259
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:39,323
I've never seen an angel-dust-
for-guns swap go so wrong.
260
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,283
Hey, a mess is a mess.
261
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,038
Huh?
262
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,338
{\an8}Let me start with this
filthy crime scene tape.
263
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,382
{\an8}(humming)
264
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,678
{\an8}Yarr, is the doctor in, miss?
265
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:04,056
{\an8}Little Goldie here
is listing hard to starboard.
266
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,685
{\an8}I fear he may have tangled
with the wrong plastic diver.
267
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,812
{\an8}Hmm. Could be fin rot.
268
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:12,606
{\an8}Oh, no, not the big F. Arr!
269
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,443
{\an8}Do what you must.
I'll say my good-byes.
270
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:19,780
You were more wife to me
than any woman I ever knew.
271
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,116
Captain, the diagnosis of fin rot
272
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:24,201
is not the death sentence it used to be.
273
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,204
A couple drops of medicine in the water,
and he'll be fine.
274
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,498
Hmm.
275
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,251
Yarr, that's amazing!
276
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:37,006
Eh, I've just got one more
little problem.
277
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:40,885
He, uh... he ate me car keys. Yarr.
278
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,012
{\an8}(grunting)
279
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,098
Hurry, Doc!
His lungs are full of seltzer!
280
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,058
(sobbing)
281
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,268
(grunting)
282
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,856
(chattering)
283
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,191
(grunts)
284
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,777
Homie? Notice anything?
285
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,945
(beeping)
286
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,200
(alarm beeping)
287
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,952
Um, are you having an affair?
288
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,788
What? No.
289
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,415
I bought a new ceiling fan. Huh?
290
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:14,418
Ooh, I thought the air felt
a little more lively.
291
00:13:14,502 --> 00:13:15,795
But where did you get the money?
292
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:20,049
Actually, I made a little extra
by cleaning up crime scenes.
293
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:22,218
What? Poor Marge.
294
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:25,012
I heard that can really mess you...
295
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:27,723
Oh, baby, that cool air is sweet!
296
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,058
...up.
297
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,811
Are you sure you're not living
a waking nightmare?
298
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,395
No. Not one little bit.
299
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,190
And I get the police discount
on cleaning supplies.
300
00:13:36,273 --> 00:13:39,068
I can finally clean Grampa's dentures.
301
00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,239
Yeah, I got popcorn in there
from Kramer vs. Kramer.
302
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,115
I was rooting for Kramer,
303
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:48,077
but was dismayed
when Kramer finally won.
304
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,830
That's a twist I didn't see Kramer.
305
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:56,585
Happy birthday, Martin.
Where's the gift table?
306
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,839
(chuckles)
Right over there, my friend.
307
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,882
(humming)
308
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,718
Haw haw!
309
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,930
(chicken clucking)
310
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,890
-(giggles)
-Some zoo.
311
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:11,684
Where are the rental strollers?
312
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:13,477
Actually, it's not so bad.
313
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,145
The animals are healthy.
314
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:18,440
A couple of paddock scrapes,
but nothing overly concerning.
315
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,651
Oh, knock it off. You're not a vet.
316
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,486
You're a glorified cage scrubber.
317
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,488
Dr. Budgie depends upon me!
318
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:27,408
I have felt the cold breath
of kennel cough in my face.
319
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:30,286
I have seen tabbies
that were more tick than cat.
320
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:33,289
I know why the caged dog scoots.
321
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,958
So when your lizard loses its tail,
322
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,127
you're gonna need me to tell you
323
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,629
-it's gonna grow back.
-(sighs)
324
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,715
Want some peanuts, Mr. Elephant?
325
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,675
Uh, it's a goat, not an elephant,
326
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,260
and those are shrimp, not peanuts.
327
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,137
And that goat is allergic to shrimp!
328
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,890
Your breath smells like
"don't drink that."
329
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:52,433
(worried bleat)
330
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:54,435
Milhouse, give me your EpiPen!
331
00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:56,145
You're not a professional.
332
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,772
I am a self-selected
unpaid veterinary intern.
333
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:01,233
Now let me practice my craft!
334
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,824
(bleating excitedly)
335
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,994
Hey, he's as good as new.
Look at him play with the kids!
336
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,163
(kids grunting)
337
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,081
See, Bart? Life or death.
338
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,708
I make the choice.
339
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,252
Okay, time to cut the cake.
340
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,548
(bleats triumphantly)
341
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,133
That's my patient.
342
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,349
Guess what, sweetie.
343
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,018
I'm wearing my snuggle socks.
344
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,938
They're compression socks
from your heart surgery.
345
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,522
All the same...
346
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,650
(purring)
347
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,234
(sighs)
348
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,736
I'm not in the mood.
349
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,155
What?! You've never said that before!
350
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,240
I've thought it three times.
351
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:52,952
Each time was after
a burrito-eating contest.
352
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:54,787
But I won!
353
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,038
What's wrong?
354
00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:59,041
It's just that seeing you, lying down,
355
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:02,711
reminds me of this bloated corpse
I had to clean up today.
356
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,215
Hey, I look damn good for someone
who eats the crap I do.
357
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,342
Maybe we should just go to sleep.
358
00:16:08,425 --> 00:16:10,844
I wasn't done with my drink.
359
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,597
Would you like
my itty-bitty booze light?
360
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,560
{\an8}I've never seen him like this.
He's so listless.
361
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,729
{\an8}Who's lost the urge to kill?
362
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,606
{\an8}Who's lost the urge to kill?
363
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,650
{\an8}I'll tell you what's wrong with him--
364
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,402
{\an8}-you.
-What? Me?!
365
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,612
{\an8}This dog is badly behind on his shots.
366
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,907
{\an8}He's displaying the symptoms
of early onset parvo.
367
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,701
{\an8}I'm confiscating your dog.
368
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,577
And, you, get out!
369
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,413
Smithers, I've been shamed.
370
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,456
Prepare a thimble of ice cream.
371
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,750
Some people don't deserve to own pets.
372
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,794
BART: And you get to decide who?
373
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:46,088
Don't fold your arms at me.
374
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,923
Lis, look at yourself.
375
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,926
You've become so arrogant,
you've forgotten who you are.
376
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,512
And even worse, you've forgotten Nibbles!
377
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,433
(gasps) Nibbles!
378
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,476
My pet! My responsibility!
379
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,478
My homework!
380
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,106
{\an8}(gasps) Matted hair, dry tongue...
381
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,858
{\an8}Is this true, Lisa?
382
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:09,528
{\an8}Did you let this happen
to a creature in your care?
383
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,363
{\an8}I'm so sorry.
384
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,866
{\an8}I'm so, so sorry.
385
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:17,327
{\an8}Pet hamsters need to be
played with regularly,
386
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,954
{\an8}or they feel abandoned.
387
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,707
{\an8}And that can lead
to stress polyps on the heart.
388
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,626
{\an8}The heart is the seat of love, Lisa.
389
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,379
{\an8}If you'd gone to veterinary school,
you'd know that.
390
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,465
{\an8}I've got no choice but to operate.
391
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,216
{\an8}And I need your help.
392
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,970
{\an8}You still want me to help you
after I was so arrogant?
393
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:38,807
Lisa, arrogance
is what made the British Empire.
394
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:39,892
Then lost it.
395
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:42,144
Then pretended it didn't happen.
396
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,605
(monitor beeping steadily)
397
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,690
{\an8}Well, we've done all we can.
398
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:49,651
{\an8}The next 24 hours will be crucial.
399
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,487
{\an8}-(monitor flatlining)
-Oh, he's gone.
400
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,363
{\an8}(crying) No, no, no.
401
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,741
He can't be dead!
402
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:57,159
He can't!
403
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,953
I thought we could save every animal
404
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,206
if we just cared enough.
405
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:05,501
Okay, Marge, sweetie, look at this one.
406
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,837
See, Marge? The baby laughs
every time the toaster pops.
407
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,090
(chuckles) It is pretty hysterical.
408
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,383
-That's nice.
-Nice?
409
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,719
Something in you is dead, Marge,
410
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,347
and that's one crime scene
you can't clean up.
411
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,015
And all for a fan.
412
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,392
A stupid ceiling fan that...
413
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,228
Oh, man, that's refreshing.
414
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,188
I want my Marge back.
415
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,689
(cell phone rings)
416
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,566
Hello? What is it, boy?
417
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,860
Uh-huh. I see.
418
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:32,945
Fine, Marge.
419
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:36,448
You sit here,
watch your boob tube, have a beer.
420
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,742
That's not how Homer Simpson
does things.
421
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,494
I have to go help Lisa!
422
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,205
Lisa?
423
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,290
Wait! Wait, I'm coming with you.
424
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:50,045
-(door closes)
-(phone ringing)
425
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,380
(line ringing)
426
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:52,756
No answer.
427
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,384
I guess we got to do this ourselves.
428
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:58,971
Oh, geez.
429
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:01,890
All right, get some paper towels, boys.
430
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,725
(chain saw buzzing)
431
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,979
-Lisa.
-(sniffling)
432
00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:10,899
Oh, Mom, he trusted me
as only a hamster can!
433
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,151
(crying)
434
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,403
If there's one thing
I'll always clean up,
435
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,405
it's my baby's tears.
436
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,574
Oh, I should've been here for you.
437
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,159
You would've never let
anything happen to him.
438
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,035
-I was too busy being dead inside...
-Wherever he went,
439
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,913
-I hope they have hamster balls.
-...doing I don't know what!
440
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,083
-But I'm here now, and I'll never leave.
-(chuckles)
441
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,085
Well, I'll be.
442
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,463
Lisa's learning about death
helped Marge feel again.
443
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:35,757
Yes, a perfect dovetail.
444
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,093
Thank you for curing Walter Pigeon here.
445
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,512
I can't afford to pay you,
but I can give you
446
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,347
front row seats to my magic show.
447
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:45,100
-The theme is boxing.
-Sounds marvelous.
448
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,603
Oh, yeah, no. Come on, it is.
449
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:54,484
I want to thank everyone
for coming to Nibbles' funeral today.
450
00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,987
BART (over P.A.):
This is President Cal A. Bunga.
451
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,614
On this sad occasion,
452
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,700
the school flag
will be flying at half-ass.
453
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,368
Bart! (groans)
454
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:05,704
I know that this is
an especially hard time
455
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:07,706
for the other classroom pets,
456
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:10,918
including Mrs. Nibbles,
Shelly the turtle,
457
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:14,463
Sally Mander, Hamilton Fish,
and Willie's chicken.
458
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,131
Willie, where is your chicken?
459
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,759
-It was either him or me!
-I see.
460
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:21,637
Please stand for Nibbles' final journey.
461
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,388
(bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace")
462
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:39,238
♪ ♪
463
00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:54,127
(theme music playing)
464
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167
Shh!
465
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:39,965
Subtitled by A. Vandelay