1
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,256
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,509
-D'oh!
-(tires screeching)
3
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:11,177
(grunts)
4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:12,429
What the...?!
5
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,018
Well, this is a no-brainer.
6
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,521
Woo-hoo!
7
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,315
D'oh!
8
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,402
D'oh!
9
00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:30,030
D'oh!
10
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:32,782
D'oh!
11
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,579
D'oh! D'oh!
12
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,080
D'oh!
13
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,250
D'oh! D'oh!
14
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,668
D'oh!
15
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:49,549
(groans)
Now what?
16
00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:50,800
(screams)
17
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,885
(groans)
18
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,477
{\an8}(Marge humming)
19
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,692
{\an8}♪ ♪
20
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,571
{\an8}(laughing)
21
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,349
{\an8}♪ ♪
22
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,690
Hee hee hee!
23
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:54,531
{\an8}-(whirring)
-Mom,
24
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:57,450
{\an8}it's not funny if I can't hear the cats
drown in their own barf.
25
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,661
{\an8}(screaming)
26
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:01,955
{\an8}(whirring louder)
27
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,873
{\an8}(retching continues louder)
28
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,460
{\an8}Why can't kids still watch
Captain Kangaroo?!
29
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:09,212
{\an8}Culture's in decline. Deal with it.
30
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,255
{\an8}Oh!
31
00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,507
{\an8}(whirring louder)
32
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,551
{\an8}(laughs)
Yay! A mess!
33
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:17,011
{\an8}-Ooh! Can I lick the ceiling?
-(groans) Oh.
34
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:20,014
{\an8}I was making that cake
for the block party today.
35
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,183
{\an8}Now there's no choice
but to go...
36
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,018
{\an8}store-bought.
37
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,355
{\an8}(humming)
38
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,780
{\an8}(over P.A.)
I need a price check on
39
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,449
{\an8}Gramma Shortcut's
Store-bought Bundt Cake.
40
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:39,784
{\an8}(crowd gasps)
41
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:43,454
{\an8}Keep it!
42
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:45,707
{\an8}Let's go!
43
00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,376
{\an8}We've got some put-backs.
44
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,086
{\an8}Roger dodger, boss.
45
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,422
{\an8}Hey, don't turn old-man
on me.
46
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,215
{\an8}You know,
I used to be the buyer
47
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,009
{\an8}for the whole chain--
71 stores.
48
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,427
{\an8}You heard of the A&P?
49
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,345
{\an8}Well, we used to be
the J&G.
50
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,682
{\an8}♪ You like what you see
at the J&G ♪
51
00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,977
{\an8}♪ They're used to be three,
but we lost the "Z" and... ♪
52
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,438
{\an8}If I make out with you,
will you shut up?
53
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,315
{\an8}-Ah, give it a shot.
-(moans)
54
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,609
{\an8}You know, we used
to give out gray stamps.
55
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,110
{\an8}Remember green stamps?
56
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,403
{\an8}Ours was gray.
57
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,077
Attention block party losers!
58
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,413
{\an8}We are Ear Poison!
59
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:28,583
{\an8}(electric guitar riff plays)
60
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:32,503
{\an8}♪ There were bells on a hill ♪
61
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:36,758
♪ But I never
heard them ringing ♪
62
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:39,427
♪ No, I never heard them at all... ♪
63
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,262
(gasps)
64
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,639
{\an8}(British accent)
We must have the same recipe.
65
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,349
{\an8}Drive to store,
buy cheap cake,
66
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,558
{\an8}serves them right.
67
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,976
{\an8}Booth Wilkes-John.
68
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,229
My wife and I
just moved here from London.
69
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:50,688
Marge Simpson.
70
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:53,524
Congratulations
on Little King George.
71
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,527
Well, Marge, my wife and I
are hosting a get-to-know-you
72
00:03:56,611 --> 00:04:00,531
game night on Saturday next--
or as you call it, next Saturday.
73
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,533
Ooh! Game night?
74
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,035
You know? Adult games.
75
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:07,956
Well, not "adult games,"
fun games, like Charades--
76
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,041
or as you call it, Pictionary.
77
00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:11,751
It sounds like fun.
78
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,045
I'll just tell Homer and...
79
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,215
Homer, for the last time,
80
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,549
do not drink the Yahtzee dice.
81
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,592
Fine.
82
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:21,427
(grunts)
83
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,804
Ooh! Doubles.
84
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:25,056
Mm, I don't know.
85
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:28,142
We have church the next morning,
starts at 11:00.
86
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,019
Oh, we're going to the game night.
87
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,188
Moving church to Monday afternoon.
88
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,690
(groans)
89
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,401
Well, if you change your mind,
please let us know.
90
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,236
We could become
"couples friends."
91
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:41,406
Now, let me try some
of Ned Flanders' No Alarm Chili.
92
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,533
You'll only taste the spoon.
93
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,617
Brilliant.
94
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,205
Why don't we have
any couples friends?
95
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,415
(groans)
96
00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,835
Because...
couples friends are a myth,
97
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,462
started by restaurants
with tables for four.
98
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,214
I want friends!
99
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,549
Any friends.
100
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,800
Okay, sweetie.
101
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:01,843
I'll call the Van Houtens.
102
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,553
-Not the Van Houtens.
-But...
103
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,847
They're always bragging
about their trip to Rome.
104
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,641
It was 12 years ago,
and it was a layover.
105
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,476
I want new friends.
106
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,228
LISA:
Can I make an observation?
107
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,063
I'm okay with no friends.
108
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,898
It's easier to focus,
109
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:19,319
and it'll give me great material
for whatever art form I choose.
110
00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:21,946
Right now,
I'm thinking long novella.
111
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,072
Good night.
112
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,200
Okay with no friends?
113
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,202
That's the saddest thing
I can imagine
114
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,662
my daughter saying to me.
115
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,164
BART:
I can think of worse.
116
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,582
The saddest thing would be
117
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,918
if you were driving and texting Lisa
and you hit her.
118
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,629
And the last thing she
texted before she died was,
119
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,631
"I got your message."
120
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,383
Good night.
121
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,346
Well, they all make good points.
122
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:49,599
ANNOUNCER:
And now, the moment of truth
123
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,100
on Topiary Wars.
124
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:04,530
This Taj Mahal should be
floated down the Ganges.
125
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,823
I'm sorry, Cathy.
126
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,241
Turn in your shears and ladders.
127
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,161
Come and get 'em!
(laughs maniacally)
128
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,371
(grunting)
129
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:13,122
Oh! Thank you.
130
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,750
Why was that on
the Military History Channel?
131
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,418
We're going to that game party,
132
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,837
and we're going to be
charming and witty.
133
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:21,839
You're not going to eat too much,
134
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,258
and we're not going
to stay too late.
135
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,345
MARGE: You will not sing
unless there's a sing-along,
136
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:30,932
and never take the tray
out of the caterer's hand.
137
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,810
Don't be too loud,
and don't be too quiet.
138
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,479
When you're too quiet,
you get that psycho look.
139
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,688
(jittering)
140
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:39,357
And stay in the living room.
141
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,235
Don't go to their kids' room
and watch a basketball game.
142
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,694
Can I check out
what toys they have?
143
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,862
No.
144
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:45,863
(groans)
145
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:48,116
Dinner party at the neighbors'.
146
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:49,659
At least I can drink.
147
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:51,077
One drink.
148
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,913
Wha...?!
Walking distance, Marge!
149
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:57,041
I've been looking forward
to this all week.
150
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,086
{\an8}DUFFMAN:
Don't show your wife this app!
151
00:07:00,169 --> 00:07:02,004
{\an8}Powering down!
152
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:06,300
You were charming enough
to win me,
153
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:09,178
and that day you didn't
have a drink in you.
154
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,270
Marge! Homer!
155
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:19,689
Mwah! Mwah!
156
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,607
(quietly)
Homer.
157
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,777
You know, I have more cheeks.
(chuckles)
158
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:27,155
I'd like you to meet
my wife Wallis.
159
00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,781
(deep voice)
How ya doin'?
160
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,451
Wallis has unearthed the most
delightful entertainment
161
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,494
to thrill us for hours on end.
162
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,831
It's a murder mystery,
and we're all suspects.
163
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,207
(crowd gasps)
164
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:42,003
Great! I've always wanted
to try and solve a crime.
165
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,463
(crowd gasps)
166
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:45,756
Please, everyone,
read your bio.
167
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,133
(gasps)
168
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,386
I am a humble farmer
from Yorkshire.
169
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,181
Humble I can be!
170
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:54,640
That's the spirit!
171
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,809
Wallis and I have found
this game to provide
172
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,479
a full evening of divertissement,
173
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,898
building in suspense
to a masterful climax.
174
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,483
We've rented costumes
175
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,736
you'll find accurate to period
and conducive to character.
176
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:08,821
We will serve food and wine
177
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:11,491
appropriate to period
and palette.
178
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,075
(excited murmuring)
179
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:16,454
We've programmed music
to cover every dramatic event.
180
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,080
Hired a Foley artist.
181
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,832
(steady galloping)
182
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,418
I believe the mare
has a slight limp.
183
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,420
(erratic galloping)
184
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,380
Yes. Yes!
185
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:31,177
So, for the next three hours,
I welcome you to the moors of...
186
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:32,261
Question.
187
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:33,554
Uh, it says here
188
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,223
the murderer
is Admiral Wainsworth.
189
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,265
Who's that?
190
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,642
(crowd groaning, murmuring)
191
00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:40,269
You've... you-you've given away
the game!
192
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,521
Well, you know...
193
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,855
Why, you...!
194
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,649
(both grunting)
195
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,277
Thank you so much!
196
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:52,031
Now Wallis will once again
withdraw into melancholia!
197
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,659
(monotonous)
Birth, school, work, death.
198
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:57,411
Worth, drool, shirk, breath.
199
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,956
Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth.
200
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,542
Just so you know, Homer,
you were going to be
201
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,586
a dashing Russian count
with multiple lovers!
202
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,548
Well, as we say in Russia,
203
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,132
"Good-bye in Russian!"
204
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,842
Do svidaniya!
205
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,435
Uh, nice night for a walk.
206
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,645
(sighs)
207
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:26,107
I'd like to be alone
for a while.
208
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,984
You want to be more alone?
209
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,527
Yes.
210
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,866
-More?
-Mm-hmm.
211
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,162
What the...?! D'oh!
212
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,664
(groaning)
213
00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,916
That's good.
214
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:48,629
Okay, I slept on the couch
215
00:09:48,713 --> 00:09:50,631
and I flipped
the sweaty cushions over.
216
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,675
-What else can I do?
-It's okay.
217
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:55,261
I mean, those people didn't even
want us at that party
218
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,721
in the first place.
219
00:09:56,804 --> 00:10:00,933
I think it's time we learn
to live with being ostracized.
220
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,351
Mmm...
221
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,563
Don't you dare say
"ostrich eyes"!
222
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:07,690
Because... uh...
223
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,150
Oh! Oh, okay, okay!
224
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,359
What should we do?
225
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,028
Nothing. I give up.
226
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:13,779
No more dinner parties.
227
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:17,241
Our whole social life
will be us watching TV
228
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,035
and you going to Moe's.
229
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,537
I see.
230
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,956
(quietly)
Woo-hoo!
231
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,124
(rattles)
232
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,211
Well, if that's
how you think it has to be.
233
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,713
Yes, for us.
234
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,715
But not for Lisa.
235
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,258
Never for Lisa.
236
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,218
We're going to help her
make friends.
237
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,928
It might be easier with Maggie.
238
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:40,473
She's always getting letters
from the day care center.
239
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,058
Those are past-due bills.
240
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,644
They'll get
their blood money.
241
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,064
And Lisa will get a friend.
242
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:50,066
After this,
we'll do makeovers.
243
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,651
(Santa's Little Helper groans)
244
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,365
So where are all the friends?
245
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,741
I don't know.
246
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,702
I invited everyone
that Lisa's ever met.
247
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,996
-Who are you?
-Gus Huebner.
248
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:07,166
I was on Lisa's coed soccer team
two years ago.
249
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:10,044
Well, Lisa's gonna be here
in five minutes,
250
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,838
and the only kid who showed up
is Gus freakin' Huebner.
251
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,715
-Watch your mouth.
-(groans)
252
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,926
Oh, no, you're right, Homer.
Abort!
253
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,928
-Abort!
-Oh, no.
254
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,347
I was the only chump
who showed up at this train wreck.
255
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,432
Well, I'm not leaving
till I get a party.
256
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,435
Fine, fine.
Homer, give him a party.
257
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,772
(The Streets of San Francisco
theme playing)
258
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:38,614
♪ ♪
259
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,454
(Homer shouts)
260
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:57,299
Gus Huebner?
261
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,009
Is that you?
262
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,179
(chuckles)
I wish.
263
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,265
That kid could play youth soccer.
264
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,855
Are you guys okay?
265
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,356
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
I'm fine.
266
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,483
Yeah. That's...
Nothing's going on.
267
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,860
Right, right.
Nothing.
268
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:18,696
-What's for dinner?
-Pizza. Mmm.
269
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,573
Lots of pizza.
270
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,208
So, as her teacher,
271
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,210
I was wondering if you could tell me
272
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:36,338
why Lisa has such trouble
making friends.
273
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,966
Marge, this is when
I normally eat lunch.
274
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:42,678
So I'll just tell you
Lisa is... unique.
275
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,764
And we're done.
276
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:50,728
All right. For some reason,
277
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:54,273
square dancing is a part
of the gym curriculum.
278
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:56,817
Now, I'm gonna open the divider
to the girls' gym,
279
00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:01,113
and if you don't find a dance
partner within ten seconds,
280
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,825
there is something very wrong
with you!
281
00:13:04,909 --> 00:13:06,911
♪ ♪
282
00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:18,130
Hmm.
283
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,256
(groans)
284
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,342
Aw.
285
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,553
That's tough luck, Lisa.
286
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,639
Looks like you're dancing
with Groundskeeper Willie.
287
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,182
Careful of your toes.
288
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,767
I got me cleats on!
289
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,727
I'll dance with Lisa.
290
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:34,313
Tumi? But you're from
the other second grade.
291
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,024
We only come together
for tornado drills.
292
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,153
(groans)
God, I hate square dancing.
293
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,031
It ain't gym class
if a fat kid's not crying.
294
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,407
Let's do this thing.
295
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,368
(plucking notes)
296
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,912
(playing lively music)
297
00:13:52,748 --> 00:13:54,959
♪ Swing your partner,
swing her hard ♪
298
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,877
♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪
299
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,171
Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha!
300
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:01,465
♪ Do-si-do while I bombard ♪
301
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:03,300
♪ Oh, thank God,
the clock says 3:00 ♪
302
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,094
♪ 'Cause I have to take a pee ♪
303
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,470
(school bell ringing)
304
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:07,805
COACH:
Finally.
305
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,558
-That was fun.
-Yeah, it kind of was.
306
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:12,810
But I won't push it, I promise.
See ya.
307
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,979
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um, I was going
308
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,398
to All Sales Vinyl
after school.
309
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:18,732
The vintage record store?
310
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,568
Yeah.
You want to come with me?
311
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,778
At the risk of sounding
like a broken record,
312
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,655
yes, yes, yes!
313
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,907
("Stolen Moments"
by Oliver Nelson playing)
314
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,537
(strained)
They will fit. They will fit.
315
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,247
(grunts)
Yes!
316
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,456
(cracks)
317
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,962
Hmm. Nobody likes jazz
that much.
318
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,381
Even the guy playing it
had to take drugs.
319
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,508
It's so much fun
320
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,051
to finally have a friend
who likes the NPR show
321
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:49,138
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
as much as I do.
322
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,682
PETER SAGAL: So, Carl Kasell,
how did the House Minority Whip
323
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,475
do on our news quiz?
324
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,769
CARL KASELL: Well, Peter,
he got two out of three right,
325
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,814
so he wins me
recording his outgoing message.
326
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,774
MAN: Oh, that's okay. Really.
No, no, no. Please don't.
327
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,526
KASELL:
It's not optional.
328
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,653
(both giggling)
329
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,990
See, Marge?
330
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,075
Problems will
work themselves out
331
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,869
if you just leave them alone.
332
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:13,037
Mm-hmm.
333
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,496
Want some more smoothie?
334
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,499
As long as you load up
on the kale and chia.
335
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:22,504
Oh, no one likes
veggie smoothies that much.
336
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:23,964
Or at all. Hmm.
337
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,216
Something's fishy about that girl,
338
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,177
and I'm gonna follow her
till I find out what.
339
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,095
And I'm gonna help you.
340
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,890
I think I'll need you back at headquarters
manning the phones.
341
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,975
Great. What do I say?
342
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:35,976
Just let 'em ring.
343
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,144
Got it!
344
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,438
♪ They smilin' in your face ♪
345
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,649
♪ All the time they want
to take your place ♪
346
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:43,442
♪ The backstabbers ♪
347
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,569
♪ Backstabbers ♪
348
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,737
♪ They smilin' in your face ♪
349
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,365
♪ All the time they want
to take your place ♪
350
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,367
♪ The backstabbers ♪
351
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,243
♪ Backstabbers ♪
352
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,663
♪ All you fellas
who have someone ♪
353
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,998
♪ And you really care ♪
354
00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,084
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
355
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:03,337
♪ Then it's all of you fellas... ♪
356
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,763
♪ Low-down, dirty ♪
357
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:18,686
What do you want?
358
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:20,396
I've got two things for you.
359
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,147
This envelope
will change your life
360
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,024
for the low, low price
of five dollars,
361
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,276
and I'll throw in a piece
of great advice.
362
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,445
Tempted?
363
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,865
What's the advice?
364
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:33,742
Don't open the envelope.
365
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,786
(snickers)
366
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,208
Oh, God, I'm gonna be sick.
367
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:48,382
(gasps)
368
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:50,342
Mom paid her to be my friend?
369
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,553
(crying)
370
00:16:56,056 --> 00:16:57,474
That's mine.
371
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,268
It's for my library card.
372
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,395
(groans)
373
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,027
You don't want to be here.
374
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,820
-(whimpers)
-Neither do you!
375
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:11,321
(Homer whimpers)
376
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:19,288
Mom, how could you pay
someone to be my friend?
377
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,248
(groans)
Answer me!
378
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:25,210
Oh, I wouldn't say I paid
someone to be your friend.
379
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,671
I just gave her money
for records and ice cream.
380
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,757
HOMER:
You gave away ice cream?!
381
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,009
I would've found
a friend eventually.
382
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:35,679
You couldn't wait a damn decade
until I got into college?
383
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:37,056
(crying)
384
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:40,100
Oh, Lisa. Lisa, wait!
385
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:41,685
(crying)
386
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,437
Oh, God, oh, God.
387
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,522
I'm the smart parent.
388
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:50,861
I'm sorry she rejected your
"I'm Sorry" cake,
389
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,237
but, in a way, I'm not.
390
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,616
I guess what I'm trying to say
is I like cake.
391
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,159
Marge, don't feel bad.
392
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,953
You did what any parent
would do.
393
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,039
No, I think I went too far.
394
00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,874
Let me tell you a little story
395
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:07,711
about a chubby unpopular boy
named Homer.
396
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,130
Is that the boy
you named me after?
397
00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,049
It is you, you idiot!
398
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,342
-Whoa.
-Little Homer had
399
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,552
a devil of a time
making friends.
400
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,513
No one wanted to come visit him.
401
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,641
So I decided to take matters
into my own hands.
402
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,851
I paid a couple of boys,
403
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:27,231
Lenny and Carl,
to make my Homer feel loved.
404
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:30,943
A relationship
I continued to this day.
405
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:33,737
You pay Lenny and Carl
to be my friends?!
406
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,448
Yes,
but Barney's yours for nothing.
407
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,991
-Aw.
-Hmm.
408
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,077
Well, that makes me
feel better.
409
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,537
(lock clicks)
410
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,038
Lisa's door is unlocked!
411
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,667
Dad,
is that story really true?
412
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:47,876
(laughs)
413
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,753
I wouldn't pay ten cents to a lion
414
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,713
to stop him from eating you!
415
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:52,631
(groans)
416
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:58,554
Lisa,
just say something to me.
417
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,097
I'm gonna tell
every psychiatrist
418
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:02,057
I ever go to what you did.
419
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,352
(voice breaking)
A mother's greatest fear.
420
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:08,397
(crying)
421
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,232
{\an8}LISA: Wow, I made Mom cry.
422
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,109
{\an8}What unimaginable power.
423
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,778
{\an8}I can use this
to get anything I want.
424
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,281
{\an8}But right now, all I want
425
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:20,659
{\an8}is for Mom to stop crying.
426
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,286
Mom, stop! Stop!
427
00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:25,539
Stop. I'm sorry.
428
00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:26,498
Oh...
429
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,083
Please stop!
430
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,002
(cries, snorts)
431
00:19:30,085 --> 00:19:31,545
(sighs)
432
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,505
You're not mad anymore?
433
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,048
I'm fine. Fine.
434
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,466
It's funny, but...
435
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:39,094
hurting your feelings
made me feel better.
436
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,013
Mm, try to forget that.
437
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:43,307
But when I grow up,
I'll find other weird kids,
438
00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:46,935
and we will have the most
intense relationships ever.
439
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,021
And I'll always love you.
440
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,272
Aw.
441
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,566
Happy Mother's Day.
442
00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,194
-Mother's Day?!
-Mother's Day?! Crap!
443
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,282
Okay,
444
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,117
initially I was just
gonna be your friend
445
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,827
till I could afford a nice belt.
446
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:05,329
But I like you, Lisa,
447
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,623
and I want to keep
being friends with you.
448
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:09,082
Great. But from now on,
449
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,877
we have to be totally honest
with each other.
450
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,921
You're absolutely right.
451
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,547
I'm not really a vegetarian.
452
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,466
Have you ever tried horse meat?
453
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,052
They eat it raw in Japan, and...
454
00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,142
Shh!
455
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:14,940
Subtitled by Nela Tan