1 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,421 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:06,297 (panting) 3 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:09,467 D'oh! 4 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,510 (tires screech) 5 00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:11,928 (grunts) 6 00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:15,807 (bull bellows) 7 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,270 (all panting) 8 00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:23,690 (bellows) 9 00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:25,358 (snorts) 10 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,784 Children, you're in for a treat. 11 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:35,994 {\an8}Today's assembly is devoted 12 00:00:36,077 --> 00:00:38,121 {\an8}to a special kind of history. 13 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,956 {\an8}(kids booing) 14 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,124 {\an8}Living history. 15 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,376 {\an8}(kids booing louder) 16 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:44,919 {\an8}End this madness! 17 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,714 {\an8}We have two guests who have come from Springfield! 18 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,883 {\an8}We come from Springfield! 19 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:52,385 {\an8}Illinois! 1858. 20 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,722 {\an8}Please welcome, here to debate the important issues of the day, 21 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:58,808 {\an8}Stephen Douglas and Abraham Lincoln! 22 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,895 {\an8}I appear before you today for the purpose 23 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:04,064 {\an8}of discussing the leading political topics 24 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,982 {\an8}which now agitate the public mind. 25 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,609 {\an8}(kids booing) 26 00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,986 {\an8}Hit the dirt, squirt! 27 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,530 {\an8}Well, it seems the, uh... the good landowners 28 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,575 {\an8}of Springfield Elementary are rejecting 29 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:18,369 {\an8}Mr. Douglas's position on tariffs. 30 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,788 {\an8}Get a room! 31 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:22,165 {\an8}I shared beds with men all the time. 32 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:24,084 {\an8}(chuckles) It was a common practice. 33 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,836 {\an8}Ooh, common practice. 34 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,463 {\an8}-(kids laugh) -(Milhouse gasps) 35 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:29,923 {\an8}Please, good people! 36 00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,716 {\an8}These are times of powerful passion. 37 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,219 {\an8}(grunting) 38 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,054 {\an8}Why are you concussing yourself? 39 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,056 {\an8}Why are you concussing yourself? 40 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,516 {\an8}Now, fellow countrymen, 41 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,310 {\an8}a house divided against itself... 42 00:01:42,393 --> 00:01:46,147 {\an8}Ow! Guess what, I also play Frankenstein! 43 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,148 {\an8}(growls) 44 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,526 {\an8}(kids screaming) 45 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,986 {\an8}Douglas is getting away! 46 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,126 {\an8}Skinner! 47 00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,086 {\an8}I have seven other principals, 48 00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,797 {\an8}and I've never yelled their names, not even once. 49 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,298 {\an8}You know what these kids lack? 50 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,843 {\an8}Well, certainly not a caring superintendent. 51 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:16,553 {\an8}(chuckles) Well, I, uh... 52 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:17,554 {\an8}(clears throat) 53 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,389 {\an8}Respect. That's what these kids lack. 54 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:20,849 {\an8}So we will hold a contest 55 00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,892 {\an8}to make them tell us who they respect-- 56 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,727 {\an8}who their heroes are. 57 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,479 {\an8}A contest? But, sir, we don't have 58 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:27,897 {\an8}any money to pay for prizes. 59 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,566 {\an8}We had to rent out our multipurpose room 60 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,317 {\an8}to a Japanese-American social club. 61 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,277 (pachinko machines ringing) 62 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,736 Tanpatsu! 63 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:36,447 The answer is simple, Seymour: get a corporate sponsor. 64 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:39,075 But don't worry, you won't have to compromise yourself. 65 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,786 So, from now on, our cafeteria will only serve 66 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:45,707 delicious Stuffwich's heroes, hoagies and torpedoes. 67 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,584 What about po' boys? 68 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,503 Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys such as yourself will go hungry. 69 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,006 Now please welcome the star of Stuffwich's ads-- 70 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:56,009 who lost 400 pounds eating only Stuffwich subs-- 71 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,302 Ezra! 72 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,887 Tell us your hero, 73 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,347 and you could win a Stuffwich college scholarship. 74 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,432 (kids exclaim) 75 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,392 Then you can be a hero like me. 76 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:05,727 What makes you a hero? 77 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,687 I don't eat as much as I did! 78 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,608 NELSON: So the chained-up dude 79 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,152 cuts off his own foot to save his family from Jigsaw! 80 00:03:14,235 --> 00:03:17,071 (voice breaking) My hero is my mom's boyfriend 81 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,408 who took me to that movie when I was three. 82 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:23,119 I call him Uncle Rob because... 83 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,746 he robbed us! 84 00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:25,663 (sobbing) 85 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,498 (giggles) 86 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:31,586 Madame Curie, we just might have this one in the bag. 87 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,755 (Ralph giggles) 88 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,340 (laughs) 89 00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,342 My hero-- 90 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:39,761 or should I say heroine-- 91 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,971 dazzled the early 20th century 92 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,724 with her scientific discoveries... 93 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,643 (gasps) Okay, calm down. 94 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,145 Maybe he's talking about Margaret Mead. 95 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,648 ...in the field of radioactivity! 96 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,441 -(gasps) -I give you 97 00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:57,570 Madame Marie Sklodowska-Curie! 98 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,906 ("La Marseillaise" playing) 99 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:00,949 (gasps) No! 100 00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,493 No, no, no, no! 101 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:05,453 (sobbing) 102 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,044 Martin took my topic. 103 00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,545 What do I do? 104 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,302 Oh, just make a speech about Dad. 105 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,637 Everyone does that. 106 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,597 Everyone does that with good dads. 107 00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:27,433 But with our Dad, it's like climbing Mount Everest. 108 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,686 You either plant your flag at the top of the world 109 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,854 or get frozen in agony forever. 110 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,731 Either way, hell of a show. 111 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,400 -(music plays) -(kids cheering) 112 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:40,071 People, please! Martin has left the building. 113 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:41,489 He had an orthodontist appointment. 114 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:42,991 (groans) 115 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,742 Okay, Dad's my hero. 116 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,744 Why is he my hero? 117 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:50,707 ♪ We can be heroes ♪ 118 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:53,001 ♪ Just for one day ♪ 119 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,547 ♪ We can be heroes... ♪ 120 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,048 (grunts) 121 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,259 Marge, it happened again! 122 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,428 SKINNER (over P.A.): Lisa? Lisa Simpson? 123 00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,888 You have ten seconds to get to the podium. 124 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,434 I'm allowed to eat these! 125 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,811 Our final contestant is Lisa Simpson, 126 00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,855 who was last seen leaving in tears. 127 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,023 Near tears. 128 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,232 But not in them? 129 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,358 No. 130 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,110 My hero isn't famous... 131 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:20,194 (scoffs) Loser. 132 00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,155 -...isn't rich... -Pathetic. 133 00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,073 ...and isn't in any history books. 134 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,575 He makes me sick. 135 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:26,909 He's my dad. 136 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:27,910 What?! 137 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,496 He worked two jobs to get me a pony, 138 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,249 he started me playing the saxophone you all love... 139 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,501 (murmuring dubiously) 140 00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,920 ...and anyone can put a Band-Aid on, 141 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,424 but my Dad knows how to take it off so it doesn't hurt. 142 00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:43,009 {\an8}-Well, ah. -Oh. 143 00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:45,928 The trick is: wait several weeks. 144 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,348 And when my dad was a soccer referee, 145 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,391 he had the guts to red card me, 146 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:54,270 his only talking daughter, because he knew I was diving. 147 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,064 In the history of soccer, 148 00:05:56,147 --> 00:05:59,942 he is the only parent to ever take sides against his own kid, 149 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,444 and he was right. 150 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:04,530 {\an8}He made me a better person, because that's what heroes do. 151 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,658 That's what heroes do. 152 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,868 (microphone feedback squeals) 153 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,370 (crowd cheering) 154 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,289 I'm so glad I was forced to come. 155 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,793 People, people... we have a tie! 156 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,586 (clamoring) 157 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,922 Yes, which means that nobody wins. 158 00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,841 The money goes back in the school general fund. 159 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:27,011 But we will put both speeches online. 160 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,388 Behind a paywall. 161 00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,557 Now, please fold up your chairs and stack them. 162 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:35,186 ♪ Cause I'm a grade school hero ♪ 163 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,896 ♪ Lisa never lies ♪ 164 00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,649 ♪ I'm a grade school hero ♪ 165 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:42,610 ♪ And heroes never die ♪ 166 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:44,278 ♪ Just one guitar! ♪ 167 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,364 ♪ Slung way down low! ♪ 168 00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:48,699 ♪ Yeah, one guitar! ♪ 169 00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,701 ♪ Where did my lawnmower go? ♪ 170 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,789 Well, look who's back. 171 00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,416 -Hmm. -Hey, Dad. 172 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,335 Lisa, your speech was one of the nicest things 173 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,045 anyone's ever done for me. 174 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,089 When did you come up with the idea? 175 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:05,800 You must've worked on it for days. 176 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,969 Oh, Dad, you don't want the details. 177 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:10,221 No one wants to see the sausage being made. 178 00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,889 There's sausage being made?! Where?! 179 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,933 Homie, there's someone here to see you. 180 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,560 Coming! 181 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,562 I haven't forgotten about the sausage. 182 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:20,440 Mr. Simpson, I am the executive vice president 183 00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,483 of the World Football Federation. 184 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,651 Ooh! 185 00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:24,902 What you Americans call "soccer." 186 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:25,820 D'oh! 187 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,281 I'm sure you are familiar with the World Cup, 188 00:07:28,364 --> 00:07:30,992 the quadrennial drama unmatched on the planet! 189 00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:33,953 Oh, yeah. That's the thing the guys at the dry cleaners 190 00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,080 get so excited about every four years. 191 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,749 I'm afraid there has been an epidemic of referees 192 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,751 being bribed to throw games. 193 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,087 From the premier leagues to the playgrounds, 194 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,630 all has been tainted. 195 00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,258 We need a symbol of integrity like yourself. 196 00:07:47,341 --> 00:07:49,844 Of course I am, but how do you know? 197 00:07:49,927 --> 00:07:51,596 Oh, your daughter's speech went viral. 198 00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:52,847 (shrieks) 199 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,057 No, no, I mean it spread like wildfire. 200 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,058 Much better. 201 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,643 Mr. Simpson, please help us. 202 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,353 The rot is everywhere. 203 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,898 In fact, I see that I, myself, 204 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,525 am about to be arrested for corruption. 205 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,694 You will have to take it from here, Peter. 206 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,614 Yes, I will take good care of your wife. 207 00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,282 Wait, what-what does that mean? 208 00:08:11,365 --> 00:08:13,826 Mr. Simpson, I am the new executive 209 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,370 vice president of the WFF. 210 00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:20,249 We need outsiders like you to come to the World Cup, 211 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,294 as our guest, and ref our games properly. 212 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:26,547 Well, no one has ever questioned my professionalism. 213 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,466 Except at my profession. 214 00:08:28,549 --> 00:08:29,800 (groans) 215 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,385 What do you think, sweetie? 216 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:34,138 Dad, they're offering us an all-expenses-paid trip 217 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,474 to the greatest sporting event on Earth! 218 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:39,268 The 2008 Super Bowl? 219 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,603 Oh, I wish. 220 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:44,106 Eli Manning's pass to David Tyree. 221 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:47,485 But about the World Cup, I need your answer now. 222 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:49,153 Oh, sure, why not? 223 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,869 "Congratulations on your purchase 224 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,996 of a FootMaster-brand soccer ball." 225 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,122 Thanks, book! 226 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,582 Look, you got us a free trip. 227 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,960 Just slack off and cash your check like you always do. 228 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,963 I believe the sweet little girl in 21-D 229 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,131 would disagree with you. 230 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,300 -What the...?! -I switched with her, Dad. 231 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,594 My TV didn't work! 232 00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,556 Now I can watch my premium HBO! 233 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:17,890 (groans) 234 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,560 (humming) 235 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:24,438 Well, look at you, using approved electronic devices. 236 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,899 To try to avoid any misunderstandings in Brazil 237 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:30,570 like we had the last time, I'm learning the language. 238 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,321 COMPUTER: Olá. 239 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,406 Olá! 240 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,658 Eu amo o Brasil. 241 00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,160 "Eu amo o Brasil." 242 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,580 O que é um país encantador. 243 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,206 PILOT: Will you please turn that off? 244 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,125 It's annoying the hell out of the flight crew. 245 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,168 I was just trying to learn the... 246 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,254 Everyone thinks they can learn our language on the plane. 247 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,089 Do you know how disrespectful that is? 248 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:51,382 (groans) 249 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,634 All right, just for that attitude, turbulence. 250 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,344 (plane rattling) 251 00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:01,183 (fanfare plays) 252 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,604 ANNOUNCER 1: Live from Sao Paulo, we bring you the World Cup Round Robin 253 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,522 Group F Opening-Round Match! 254 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,482 Today's game is between our host country, 255 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,026 football powerhouse Brazil... 256 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:13,863 CROWD: ♪ Olé, olé-olé-olé ♪ 257 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,033 ...and Luxemburg, whose entire nation has turned up. 258 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,410 (wind whistling) 259 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:20,620 Got to hurry. 260 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:23,497 I've got 998 square miles to rob! 261 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:24,790 Ha-ha! 262 00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,336 The mighty Brazilian squad features the greatest master 263 00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:32,089 of the fake injury soccer has ever known: El Divo! 264 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,049 (screams) 265 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:36,302 (crowd gasps, cheers) 266 00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:40,640 Now let's play human foosball! 267 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,391 (whistle blows) 268 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:48,064 ANNOUNCER 2: And with Brazil maintaining an insurmountable one-goal lead, 269 00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:51,233 with 28 minutes to play, let's take a look at the refs. 270 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,153 It says here, "Homer Simpson was recruited for his honesty 271 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,821 and utter disinterest." 272 00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,865 ANNOUNCER 2: How did he get those shorts on over that arse? 273 00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,326 ANNOUNCER 1: Rumor has it, they employed a team of pullers. 274 00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,244 -(whistle blows) -(crowd cheers) 275 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:03,496 Brazil wins it! 276 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,873 And a fairly-called match it was. 277 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,625 In choosing Homer Simpson, 278 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:12,880 the World Cup has met its goal...! 279 00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:16,842 Andres Cantor, 280 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,053 you know that is incorrect usage. 281 00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:23,099 I have no control...! 282 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:27,853 This job has taken its toll...! 283 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,863 Eu gostaria de um... 284 00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:39,073 Hang on, hang on. 285 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,783 ...placa de... 286 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,284 Hang on, hang on. 287 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,455 Here you go, honey. 288 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,791 How'd you eat the meat without the vegetables? 289 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,793 Well, the stomach wants what it wants. 290 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:51,794 (burps) 291 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:53,379 Oh, I need some air. 292 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,424 Ah, Brazil. 293 00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,467 I couldn't stay afraid of you forever. 294 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,594 The only thing that keeps me from living here 295 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:03,139 is that fish that swims up your pee stream. 296 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,849 That is a deal breaker. 297 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,308 Homer Simpson! 298 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,144 I would like to congratulate you 299 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,645 on your fine officiating today. 300 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,896 Thanks. 301 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,190 I still can't believe the yellow and red cards 302 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,151 don't stand for mustard and ketchup. 303 00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:17,528 Your disbelief will fade with time. 304 00:12:17,611 --> 00:12:19,530 But now, I would like to know 305 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:22,450 if you are as incorruptível as they say. 306 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,911 (heavenly music plays) 307 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:28,080 Oh, that is where I left my cell phone. 308 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:30,332 Well? 309 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,418 You don't know the new me 310 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,670 of the last few days at all! 311 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:37,131 We will get to him. 312 00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,674 We have our ways. 313 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,219 Well, what other ways besides guns and money? 314 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,929 We have two ways. 315 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,347 Two very good ways. 316 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,266 ♪ Samba! ♪ 317 00:12:48,684 --> 00:12:49,602 Red card! 318 00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,146 Let me give that back to you. 319 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,780 Get out of here! 320 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,991 (crowd cheering) 321 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:04,992 ♪ ♪ 322 00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,221 ANNOUNCER 1: And as Homer officiates, 323 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:28,349 looks like we've got a little action on the bribe cam. 324 00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,447 (crowd cheering) 325 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,491 ♪ ♪ 326 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:55,084 Man, Krusty should get some of these letters. 327 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,502 (groans) 328 00:13:56,585 --> 00:13:57,837 While you were out, 329 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,421 the gamblers sent up gold-frosted donuts, 330 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,800 a chocolate bowling ball and a fresh pork sandwich. 331 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,426 Oh. How fresh? 332 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,387 -(pig squeals) -Oh! 333 00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:07,513 Where's your mother? 334 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:08,931 Went to practice her Portuguese. 335 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:09,849 Mm... 336 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,017 "Selecionar conta..." 337 00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,478 Ooh, ooh, "select account." 338 00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:17,439 Uh, perhaps you could select the English option? 339 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,733 I did not pay $7.99 for an app 340 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,694 so I could use the English option. 341 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:25,239 You Americans, you really throw your $7.99s around. 342 00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,157 You know, you're pretty rude. 343 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,618 (chuckles) Stupid lady. 344 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,579 Give the donuts to the hotel staff. 345 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,999 Release the pig and the bowling ball into the wild. 346 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,334 Dad, is it hard for you to turn these bribes down? 347 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,544 Yes. 348 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:40,963 But knowing that Lisa chose me as her hero, 349 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,340 without ever considering any other hero, 350 00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,009 keeps me strong. 351 00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:46,886 Why so quiet? 352 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,888 I'm just examining what kind of person I am 353 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,432 and whether I should destroy your happiness forever. 354 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,641 Eh, why not? 355 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,684 I'm listening. 356 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,394 And it better be devastating. 357 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:56,729 You weren't Lisa's hero. 358 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,731 She just swapped you in at the last minute 359 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,317 because someone else did her real hero. 360 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,818 Oh, my God. 361 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,904 That's... that's shattering. 362 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:08,365 And now I'm a man in pain in the naughtiest city 363 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,160 since San Francisco turned all nerdy. 364 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,161 (groans) 365 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,495 Where are you going? 366 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:17,166 To drink until there's no pain left in my soul. 367 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:20,586 But first I'm gonna eat off someone else's room service tray 368 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,339 that was left in the hall. 369 00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,509 Now that's a broken man. 370 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,677 Hmm. 371 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,598 What the hell are you doing? 372 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,141 It's okay. I'm an American. 373 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,851 Oh. Oh. Okay. 374 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,945 So, the rumors are true. 375 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,571 We knew you'd find out 376 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:50,699 your daughter's original speech topic was Marie Curie. 377 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:54,578 And now we need you to fix the greatest game of all: 378 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,455 the World Cup Final. 379 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,917 Fine. Marge is always complaining 380 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,377 I never fix things. 381 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,003 -Give me another. -All right. 382 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,713 But we've run out of sugarcane. 383 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,715 I carry my own. 384 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,887 All right, Homer. 385 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,931 To begin your descent into hell, 386 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,725 let us enjoy this pirated copy 387 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,185 of Man of Steel. 388 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:22,106 But beware: Superman was never less fun. 389 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:23,899 (laughs evilly) 390 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,151 ANNOUNCER 2: Here it is, the World Cup Final! 391 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,486 DRY CLEANER GUYS: Yay! 392 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,530 ANNOUNCER 2: Will it be a German Blitzkrieg 393 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,240 or a Brazilian waxing? 394 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,574 {\an8}Nazis! 395 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:33,659 {\an8}Nazi harborers! 396 00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:36,078 Guys, guys, you're both right. 397 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:39,331 All right, just so there are no misunderstandings, 398 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,875 you make sure Brazil wins, 399 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:45,671 and we give you one million dollars. 400 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:48,132 If I bet it, I could double it. 401 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,174 But on who? 402 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,927 You know that Brazil is going to win. 403 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,096 Oh, thanks for telling me! 404 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,431 I was gonna tape it. 405 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,726 Remember, I'll be watching. 406 00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,437 Wave a Brazilian flag so you stand out in the crowd. 407 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,647 Don't do it, Dad. Don't cheat. 408 00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,358 You're a funny one to tell me about deception. 409 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,777 I'm sorry you weren't my first choice. 410 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,821 In fact... (sighs) 411 00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:13,615 I had my doubts about using you at all. 412 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,576 Well, if we're gonna be brutally honest, 413 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,786 that drawing you made of me when you were three 414 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,872 was far from a perfect likeness. 415 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,790 You put it on the fridge! 416 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,542 It was pity-fridged! 417 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,335 All right, you're hurt. 418 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,046 I understand. 419 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:30,591 But when I made you my hero, you lived up to it and more. 420 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:34,470 You became the hero I thought you could be, Dad. 421 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:35,929 Oh. 422 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,556 Oh, come here. 423 00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:40,184 Everything's right with the world. 424 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,520 {\an8}Except that you're about to double-cross some gangsters. 425 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,938 That's all right, brain. 426 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:46,315 If I die, 427 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,817 I'll be doing the thing I love the most: 428 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,320 trying not to get killed. 429 00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:52,613 ANNOUNCER 2: This match is tighter 430 00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,406 than two dogs on a summer morn. 431 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,908 There's no score at all. 432 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:59,328 Even the slightest pebble could start a landslide. 433 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,955 ANNOUNCER 1: And El Divo goes down! 434 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,123 In the box! 435 00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,043 Will Homer award a penalty kick to Brazil? 436 00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:09,838 Do it. Do it! 437 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:10,798 Call the penalty! 438 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:11,882 No penalty! 439 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,717 He dove, Dad! 440 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:14,927 (grunts) 441 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:16,011 No penalty! 442 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,347 (crowd booing) 443 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,351 I repeat, no penalty! 444 00:18:25,395 --> 00:18:27,689 No penalty. 445 00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,234 ANNOUNCER 1: The game, plus two hours of funeral time, 446 00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:31,777 is about to conclude. 447 00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:34,238 And with Germany the victor, two-nil, 448 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,740 in an unprecedented display of rectitude 449 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:39,451 and stubbornness by one Homer Simpson. 450 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,121 I've never seen the Brazilians so depressed. 451 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,872 (sadly) ♪ Olé... ♪ 452 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,042 ♪ Olé, olé, olé... ♪ 453 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,129 You broke a deal with us. 454 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,714 And we have lost a fortune! 455 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,174 (gasps) 456 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,009 Well, at least I'll die the American way: 457 00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,637 in a foreign country wearing short pants. 458 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,139 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 459 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,473 I want to say something! 460 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:02,933 You have one minute. 461 00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:03,976 Wait! 462 00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,853 Let it get to the 12. 463 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,437 N... now. 464 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:08,438 {\an8}Um... 465 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,691 {\an8}(speaking Portuguese) 466 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,199 How's she doing that? 467 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,702 I don't know, but she's my new hero. 468 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:24,830 Yeah, I was a little surprised I wasn't considered before. 469 00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:34,256 Ah, your fluency is impressive. 470 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:37,593 You can help my son learn Hebrew for his bar mitzvah. 471 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,553 But I'm still killing your husband. 472 00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:41,346 First, mazel tov. 473 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,806 Second, don't! 474 00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:45,392 Please, please! I'm a mother. 475 00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,561 Surely you have a mother, too. 476 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,646 I do have a mother. 477 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,981 Oh, she's right there. 478 00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,649 I'm sorry, my son. 479 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,860 We owe a debt to the Simpsons 480 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:56,653 that can never be repaid. 481 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,323 All that she did was switch seats on a plane. 482 00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:01,617 On a 15-hour flight! 483 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,744 You are free to go. 484 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,746 (dirge playing) 485 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:08,123 No penalty. 486 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,250 Fine. 487 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,465 (birds squawking) 488 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:22,179 Wow, the Amazon is just like I pictured it 489 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,556 after seeing all those pictures online. 490 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:28,143 I've never seen anything so beautiful. 491 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,896 (chainsaw buzzing) 492 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:32,397 The best thing is 493 00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,483 I can get locally-sourced monkey meat. 494 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:36,151 (hooting) 495 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,236 (shrieks) 496 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:38,362 Okay, Teeny. 497 00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:41,156 Take care of part two. 498 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,241 (gun cocks) 499 00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:46,662 {\an8}(hooting, grunting) 500 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,167 -(murmuring) -Shh! 501 00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:39,965 Subtitled by D. Hinson