1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,170
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,214
(laughing)
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,845
(exclaiming)
4
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,268
(school bell ringing)
5
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)
6
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,232
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:25,608
D'oh!
8
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:27,235
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,903
(grunts)
10
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:37,746
(groaning)
11
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:40,415
(laughs)
12
00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:54,429
♪ Skinner! ♪
13
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:55,847
♪ Skinner ♪
14
00:00:55,930 --> 00:01:00,351
♪ He patrols the school halls ♪
15
00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,395
♪ Skinner! ♪
16
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:07,025
♪ When you spit,
he's got the balls ♪
17
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:10,528
♪ As you mosey through the school ♪
18
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,531
♪ All the kids say you're so cool ♪
19
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:16,618
♪ And you even made ♪
20
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:21,998
♪ Bart Simpson spill his milk ♪
21
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,875
♪ Skinner! ♪
22
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,418
♪ Skinner ♪
23
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,378
♪ You're the master ♪
24
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:33,343
♪ Of your fate...! ♪
25
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:36,763
Skinner!
26
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:39,099
{\an8}♪ Skinner ♪
27
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:42,102
{\an8}♪ You sure look good in chaps ♪
28
00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:43,603
{\an8}♪ Skinner... ♪
29
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,355
{\an8}Wake up. You're on!
30
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:46,981
{\an8}(grunts)
31
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,942
{\an8}Children,
I have some exciting news.
32
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:50,360
{\an8}(kids murmuring)
33
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,154
{\an8}I'm here to tell you about
a field trip so amazing,
34
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,907
{\an8}we've put "sign here" stickers
on the permission slips.
35
00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,868
{\an8}As you recall, these stickers
came from last year's field trip
36
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,537
{\an8}to the "sign here" sticker factory.
37
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,789
{\an8}But thanks to my old navy buddy--
38
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,375
{\an8}we both love to shop
at Old Navy--
39
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,044
{\an8}the students of this school
will be taking a ride
40
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,713
{\an8}on a nuclear-powered,
attack-class submarine,
41
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,925
{\an8}the USS Tom Clancy!
42
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:23,977
{\an8}(all gasp)
43
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:24,894
{\an8}(chuckles)
44
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:25,979
{\an8}So you're all excited, eh?
45
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,397
{\an8}ALL:
Yay!
46
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,606
{\an8}Well, that's too bad,
47
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,400
{\an8}because many of you
will not be going.
48
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,484
{\an8}ALL:
Huh?!
49
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,194
{\an8}There's limited room on the submarine,
50
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,071
{\an8}so only the best-behaved students--
51
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,240
{\an8}as determined by me--
52
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:38,992
{\an8}will go on the trip.
53
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,830
{\an8}-Whoo-hoo!
-Well, I get to go!
54
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,290
{\an8}To increase the tension,
55
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,208
{\an8}everyone starts
with a clean slate.
56
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,335
{\an8}But from this moment on...
57
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,337
{\an8}I am the law.
58
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,089
{\an8}I hold the red pen.
59
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,592
{\an8}♪ Skinner! ♪
60
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,262
{\an8}Pranks, inside use of outside voice,
off-color whistling,
61
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,723
{\an8}and you're stricken
from the list.
62
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:04,267
{\an8}And once crossed off,
you stay crossed off.
63
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,519
{\an8}That's what pens do.
64
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,438
{\an8}(gulps)
65
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,023
{\an8}(bees buzzing)
66
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:19,240
{\an8}Help! I'm trapped in space
with a man I don't like!
67
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,575
{\an8}BART:
Aooga!
68
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,368
{\an8}Submerge! Periscope!
69
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,995
{\an8}Aooga! Aooga!
70
00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:25,955
{\an8}Die, Nazi octopus, die!
71
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,498
{\an8}(makes explosion sound)
72
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,920
{\an8}Sweetie, about the submarine...
73
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,339
{\an8}what's your favorite food to eat
when you're disappointed?
74
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:35,924
{\an8}I'm going shopping tomorrow.
75
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,593
{\an8}Ice cream sandwiches.
Why?
76
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:40,511
{\an8}What your mother
is trying to say
77
00:03:40,595 --> 00:03:43,306
{\an8}is we don't think
you can be good that long.
78
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,016
{\an8}Mom, is that true?
79
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:48,353
{\an8}Well, that's sort of
what I was trying to say, but...
80
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,605
{\an8}What your mother
is trying to say is...
81
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:53,191
{\an8}No, you're wrong!
You're all wrong!
82
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:54,484
{\an8}I didn't say anything.
83
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:56,861
{\an8}-Were you thinking it?
-Yes.
84
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,613
{\an8}Get real, ding-dong!
85
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,365
{\an8}You've already done
so much bad stuff,
86
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,659
{\an8}Skinner's never gonna
let you on that boat.
87
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,285
{\an8}No, Skinner said
I had a clean slate,
88
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,496
{\an8}so right now,
I'm as good as any other kid.
89
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,706
{\an8}(Homer and Lisa laughing)
90
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,210
Good one, ding-dong.
91
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,711
Mom!
92
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:16,214
Don't listen to them.
They're the ding-dongs.
93
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:17,048
Wha...?!
94
00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,467
Bart, sweetie,
this is an opportunity
95
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,345
for you to turn things around
yet again.
96
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,138
And I believe in you.
97
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,723
Yet again.
98
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:26,933
Thanks, Mom.
99
00:04:27,016 --> 00:04:29,477
I'll start by taking my plate
to the dishwasher.
100
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,728
Wherever that is.
101
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,939
(cupboards open, dish breaks,
cupboards close)
102
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,315
Pfft. Marge,
103
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:36,150
I love Bart
as much as you do,
104
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,485
but actually not.
105
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,153
And that kid
cannot go one week
106
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,571
without getting in trouble.
107
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,449
Now, if you'll be so kind
as to start my car for me,
108
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:44,826
I'm going to Moe's.
109
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:46,452
(blowing air)
110
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,747
Ooh.
111
00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:50,915
(engine starts)
112
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:52,667
Thank you.
113
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:53,918
(tires squeal)
114
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,254
Whoo-hoo!
115
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:58,423
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm!
116
00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:00,174
What are you doing?
117
00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:01,676
To avoid temptation,
I'm getting rid
118
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,053
of all the things that could get me
in trouble at school.
119
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,514
I buried all my whoopee cushions
in the backyard.
120
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,352
-(flatulence sounds)
-Hmm?
121
00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:14,939
(groans) What the...?
122
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,357
That's not where I buried them.
123
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:17,775
Come on!
124
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,279
Don't take my custom limo!
125
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,615
At least let me sniff my coke
out of the floor mats!
126
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:25,700
(grunts)
127
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,035
(sniffing)
128
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,328
(bicycle bell dings)
129
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:29,829
Oh, hi, little girl.
130
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:32,790
What brings you to see
Uncle Krusty? (chuckles)
131
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,542
Krusty, are you broke?
132
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:37,545
Yeah, all it takes is some bad luck
at the ponies,
133
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:39,589
worse luck
in the Bitcoin market,
134
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,383
heavy investment
in a high-end bookmark company.
135
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,886
You could do what
Everybody Loves Raymond did.
136
00:05:44,969 --> 00:05:46,888
Go off the air while I'm still good?
137
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:49,640
That horse has left the stable,
gone to the glue factory,
138
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:52,643
and has been used
to make art projects.
139
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:55,188
I mean, you could sell
foreign rights to your show.
140
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,981
Even SpongeBob did it.
141
00:05:57,065 --> 00:05:58,649
♪ ♪
142
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,527
Buon compleanno, Squiduardo!
143
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,571
No, no, no, Roberto!
144
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:07,033
E 'una mina della
seconda guerra mondiale,
145
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:09,619
che farà saltare in aria e... Ah!
146
00:06:10,703 --> 00:06:12,372
Calamari?!
147
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,790
No...!
148
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,958
(sobbing) No!
149
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,544
Uh... it's cute stuff,
150
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,421
but I'm still broke, girlie.
151
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,839
Not my Monet!
152
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,549
I only looked at it once!
153
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,051
What I'm saying is,
154
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:27,929
you could produce
foreign versions of your TV show
155
00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,639
with actors from other countries.
156
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,557
Okay, I'll do it!
157
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:34,060
Not my Shetland dolphin!
158
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,312
Although I won't miss
the constant yapping.
159
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,980
Papa!
160
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,650
Not anymore, he ain't.
161
00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,277
(Western music plays)
162
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,418
(booming thud)
163
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,670
Gum on the floor.
Off the list.
164
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:06,968
Unauthorized meat-a-pult.
Off the list!
165
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:08,803
Lips touching the fountain.
166
00:07:08,886 --> 00:07:10,721
Off the list.
167
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,224
It's not my fault
there's no water pressure.
168
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:16,561
Excuses are like handkerchiefs;
everybody's got one.
169
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,104
I don't have a handkerchief.
170
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,230
Off the list!
171
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:20,982
Firm but fair, sir.
172
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:23,734
Don't want any troublemakers
on our submarine.
173
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,112
Not bad, Simpson.
Did you wash your knees?
174
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,405
Front and back, sir.
175
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,868
You're like egg salad
at a picnic, Simpson.
176
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:34,996
Even when you look good,
we know you're going bad.
177
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,205
Principal Skinner?
178
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,624
I object to this
arbitrary use of power
179
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,710
and request
I be taken off the list.
180
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:41,961
Off the list!
181
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,087
Thank you.
182
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:49,927
Oh, man!
Five days without pranking?
183
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,637
I'm getting strange red marks.
184
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,847
But I'm gonna make it!
185
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,099
(engine backfiring)
186
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,893
-Uh-oh.
-(alarms buzzing)
187
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,103
Something's wrong
with my long yellow car.
188
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,313
(starter chugs)
189
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:01,689
Any of you kids
got a Triple A card?
190
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,942
What? No. I'll be late.
191
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,111
Skinner will cross my name
off the list.
192
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,613
(grunts)
193
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,713
All fixed up!
194
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,340
(horn honks)
195
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,801
(tires screech, horn drones)
196
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,521
-(school bell rings)
-(laughs, hums triumphantly)
197
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,481
Off the list.
198
00:08:43,564 --> 00:08:45,274
For what?
199
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,860
-Muddy footprints on the school floor.
-(gasps)
200
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,904
I've broken
a ten-year-old's spirit.
201
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,322
Time to celebrate
202
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:53,115
with a fruit-on-the-bottom
yogurt.
203
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,285
Plain, plain, plain, plain...
204
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,412
Mmm! Fruit!
205
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,423
No, Mother, I did not use
any of your talc.
206
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,676
I don't know why
the bottle feels lighter.
207
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,844
Maybe you're just getting
stronger!
208
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:16,764
Some days I could just kill you.
209
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,474
(phone rings)
210
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,767
She heard me.
211
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,227
Hello?
212
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,770
BART (nasally voice):
Hold for the president.
213
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,939
OBAMA (on spliced recording):
This is... Barack Obama!
214
00:09:25,022 --> 00:09:25,982
Is this a prank?
215
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,358
-OBAMA: No.
-(gasps)
216
00:09:27,441 --> 00:09:29,235
-That's offensive.
-(gasps)
217
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:30,903
I want to...
talk about... submarines...
218
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:31,904
and trips.
219
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,322
Simpson... has to go.
220
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,408
Simpson... has to go...
221
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,702
on the... submarine.
On the... submarine.
222
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,703
Of course.
223
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:39,954
(tweeting)
224
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,123
This is... Barack Obama!
225
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,667
♪ So in love with you... ♪
226
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,043
I like Ohio State...
227
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,587
You can put lipstick on a pig...
228
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,880
♪ So in love with you... ♪
229
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,134
Welcome.
230
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:55,386
Welcome, foreign-market Krustys.
231
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,763
If you examine your "Krusty Kit,"
232
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,224
you're gonna find
unremovable green hair dye,
233
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,809
a used red nose
234
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:04,478
and a guidebook
on how to capture a monkey.
235
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:08,024
But now, the man they call
Mr. Monday Afternoon...
236
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,400
Krusty!
237
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:10,860
Hey-hey!
238
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,237
(all return greeting
in native language)
239
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,906
Now, there are many words
for what I'm looking for--
240
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:20,661
rubles, renminbi, baht--
but they all mean money,
241
00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:23,414
which rhymes with funny,
which you can be if you want.
242
00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:24,707
I don't care.
243
00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,584
Just do the Krusty show
in your country
244
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,502
and send me ten percent.
245
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,588
Then send me another 60%.
246
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,257
Then five percent more,
and you're good.
247
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,181
Nice job, Simpson.
248
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,682
You even got
my Suze Orman tape
249
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,017
unstuck from the cassette player.
250
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,686
She's the reason I was able
to purchase a new watch band.
251
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:48,606
Always bragging
about his watch band.
252
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,359
If only I could tell time.
253
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,653
Okay,
I washed your car like you asked,
254
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,863
I did your paper route,
and I'm sorry.
255
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,156
I really am.
256
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,658
This could be the turning point
of my life.
257
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,701
Where you, as a school guy,
made a difference.
258
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,203
What do you think?
259
00:11:02,286 --> 00:11:03,871
Can I go on that sub?
260
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,208
Sorry, Simpson.
261
00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,377
Take her down.
262
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,128
KIDS:
Yay!
263
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,635
RALPH:
Yay!
264
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,053
NELSON:
Yippee!
265
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,638
MILHOUSE:
Poor Bart.
266
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,854
{\an8}Rasta hey-hey,
on the left-hand side.
267
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:29,814
(laughs)
268
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,232
As my mother used to say,
269
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:32,858
"Wanti wanti can't get it,
270
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,735
getti getti no want it."
271
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,363
Now here's
Itchem and Scratchem, mon.
272
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,448
(laughs)
273
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,534
(cheering)
274
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:42,618
♪ They smoke ♪
275
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,495
♪ They toke ♪
276
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:47,373
-♪ They smoke and toke and smoke ♪
-♪ Ha! ♪
277
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,041
♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke ♪
278
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:51,877
♪ Toke, toke, toke ♪
279
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:57,550
{\an8}♪ The Itchem
and Scratchem Blow ♪
280
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:03,055
♪ ♪
281
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:09,145
Eye and eye say good-bye.
282
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:11,647
The blessings of Jah
upon you all.
283
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,691
Nice.
284
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,401
You're a hit
all over the world.
285
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,404
There's Chinese Krusty
with Sideshow Mao.
286
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:20,239
Even Irish Krusty.
287
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:21,949
Me ma, she had 12 children,
288
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,367
but only three lived.
289
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,077
Then they closed the mill.
290
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,328
(chuckles sadly)
291
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,663
Hey-hey.
292
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,249
(Irish flute plays melancholy tune)
293
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,212
And it's all thanks to you, kid.
294
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,589
To show my appreciation,
295
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:37,965
I'm gonna bring you with me
296
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:39,842
next time I entertain the troops.
297
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:42,595
Warning: they're not American troops.
298
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,144
(slurps)
299
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,396
Hello, boy.
300
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,647
At times like this,
301
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,107
there's not much you can say,
302
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,067
especially if you don't
know what happened.
303
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,319
(sobs)
304
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,362
Skinner didn't let me go.
305
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,989
Really?
306
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,700
Hey, I bet that submarine
isn't so fun anyway.
307
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,951
(sniffs)
308
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:07,203
You think so?
309
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,913
Fire that torpedo, Milhouse.
310
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,664
Aye, aye.
311
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,082
Where'd it go?
312
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,709
It was just imaginary.
313
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,794
I know a kid should never
314
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,253
turn to his father for help,
315
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,755
but I got screwed.
316
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,548
Is there anything you can do?
317
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,053
As I always say,
318
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,055
don't get mad; get dinner.
319
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,932
Then get even.
320
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:29,642
With Skinner.
321
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:31,685
You'll really help me get revenge?
322
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,895
Yes.
323
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,647
What's Skinner's weakness?
324
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:35,898
Everything.
325
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,191
Good.
326
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,984
We can use that.
327
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,196
♪ Skinner! ♪
328
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,739
♪ Skinner ♪
329
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:48,244
{\an8}♪ You are feeling pretty smug ♪
330
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:51,247
♪ Skinner! ♪
331
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:54,750
{\an8}♪ Sipping cocoa from a mug ♪
332
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:58,838
♪ When you've reached
the mountaintop ♪
333
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,757
♪ Your next step is a drop ♪
334
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:10,724
No, no, no, no, no!
335
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,185
♪ Skinner! ♪
336
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:19,900
-(knocking)
-I'll be right there.
337
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,735
Just saying good-bye to Mother.
338
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,238
(imitates Mother)
Seymour, I'm going out for a walk.
339
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:26,907
Uh-huh, see you in several months
at the soonest.
340
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,993
(knocking continues)
341
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,706
(pounding on door)
342
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,666
We have a problem, Seymour.
343
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:36,917
I did everything for you
344
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,378
and you stabbed me
in the back.
345
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:42,256
Wait a minute,
I knew you were a neat freak, Skinner,
346
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:44,800
but you beat your rug
till it bleeds?
347
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,512
(gasps)
348
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,139
All right, I'll come clean.
349
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:53,434
I woke up and, surprisingly,
Mother wasn't there beside me.
350
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,936
She was... dead.
351
00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:59,857
Still, I can't be sure I killed her.
352
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,067
Well, I'm sure our town's police force
353
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,695
will handle this competently.
354
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,409
Now,
I could investigate further,
355
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:13,203
but you don't want to sit
in a jail all weekend.
356
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:16,373
Chief, that was awfully arbitrary.
357
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:18,000
Not compared to this.
358
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,376
(groans)
359
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,878
Gow!
360
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,631
Let me handle this.
361
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,215
Just go upstairs and shut the door.
362
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:28,344
There are some things
only a boy should see.
363
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,013
(door closes)
364
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:34,099
(both laugh)
365
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,684
(cackles)
366
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:43,150
Now do you want to dispose
of this jelly-soaked pillow?
367
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:45,903
Just call me The Cleaner.
368
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,322
(slurps)
369
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:55,496
Um, where's the body?
370
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,081
She's in a better place.
371
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,000
(chain saw rumbling)
372
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,170
The deed is done.
373
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:04,922
Oh, I wish you'd asked me before you...
374
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,840
Look, you kill them,
I get rid of them.
375
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,175
That's always been our deal.
376
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:09,510
But I do have one question:
377
00:16:09,593 --> 00:16:10,761
Do you want the head?
378
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:12,638
No, no, God, no.
379
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:15,015
Well, if you change your mind,
it'll be in my freezer.
380
00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:16,183
But only for a week.
381
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:17,935
Got a lot of ice cream coming in.
382
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:21,021
Ugh, if this were a movie,
Mother wouldn't let me watch it.
383
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,524
Now, I'm afraid it's time
to start your new life.
384
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,776
You'll be hunted, on the run,
385
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:27,945
searching for the man
who killed your mother,
386
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,863
which is you.
So avoid mirrors.
387
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:32,533
(Krusty humming)
388
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:36,328
Krusty,
I have some very bad news.
389
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,789
The foreign Krustys
are all hotter than you.
390
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,542
Irish Krusty's
got a show on Broadway.
391
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,252
Oi, where's your monkey?
392
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,628
There never was a monkey.
393
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:47,673
I was just tellin' stories
to forget me consumption.
394
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:49,258
(coughs)
395
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,718
(applause)
396
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:52,011
Well, you see there,
397
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,512
they need to hit
the word "monkey" harder
398
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:55,222
if they want to get a laugh.
399
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,141
Don't you get
what I'm trying to tell you?
400
00:16:57,224 --> 00:17:00,310
You are now the least popular
Krusty in the world.
401
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,312
What about Romanian Krusty?
402
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,398
What, you mean
President-for-Life Krusty?
403
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:05,899
(low groan)
404
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,985
I still get a piece, right?
405
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:11,488
Putz. You're the least successful
version of you there is.
406
00:17:11,572 --> 00:17:12,573
A piece.
407
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,325
Now, let's see where this goes.
408
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,953
Irish Krusty, this is your baby.
409
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:21,206
The only thing working
round here is your libido.
410
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,459
Now I know why Ma
walked into the sea
411
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,587
with her pockets full of rocks
on Christmas.
412
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:30,007
Why doesn't this material
work for me?
413
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:33,260
Seymour, the cops are on their way.
414
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,095
(siren wails)
415
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:40,517
Here's a bus ticket
to Juarez and your fake I.D.
416
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:41,894
SKINNER:
Oh, come on,
417
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,270
I don't look anything like this
418
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:44,313
"Dick Fiddler."
419
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:46,356
No, you don't... yet.
420
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,568
I don't want to sound ungrateful,
421
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,403
but could I eat
one of the potatoes?
422
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:55,282
Sorry, but Dick Fiddler
is allergic to potatoes.
423
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,617
I understand.
424
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,286
(both giggling)
425
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,790
(no audio)
426
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,292
Dad?
427
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,044
Thanks for sticking up for me.
428
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,629
(laughs)
429
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:11,006
Someday I may have
to fake my own death.
430
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,716
And maybe you
can help me with that.
431
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,009
Sure, Dad.
432
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,219
Someday soon.
433
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,387
As in,
what are you doing this Friday?
434
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,724
Aah! Dick Fiddler!
435
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:23,185
Gentlemen,
I can't run away from what I've done.
436
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,270
I accept that I killed my mother.
437
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,439
My whole life, she's belittled me.
438
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,025
Maybe deep down, I'm glad.
439
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,860
This has gone far enough.
440
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,279
I'm starting to think
this "school project"
441
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,073
is more than meets the eye.
442
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,158
Mother?
You're alive?
443
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,953
Seymour,
when this fat guy and his kid
444
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:43,080
asked me to fake my death
to punish you,
445
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:46,125
I said,
"Sure, that's something to do."
446
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,627
You know,
when you glare like that,
447
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:50,671
you look really beautiful.
448
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,381
(grumbles)
Mm-hmm.
449
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,174
But when I just heard you say
450
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,927
you were glad to see me dead...
451
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,888
I thought, "Now I'm gonna
be meaner to you than ever."
452
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,473
How is that possible?
453
00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,601
I've stopped taking
those pills that keep me nice.
454
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:05,978
(gasps)
455
00:19:09,898 --> 00:19:11,275
♪ Fiddler! ♪
456
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:14,236
♪ Fiddler, you look stupid ♪
457
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,072
♪ In that beard ♪
458
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,159
♪ Fiddler! ♪
459
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:24,454
♪ This dream is getting weird ♪
460
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,759
KRUSTY:
So I heard many of you
461
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:41,638
are dissatisfied with my 75% cut
of your take.
462
00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:44,766
Well, we did consider
letting you keep more.
463
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:45,976
(cheering)
464
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,352
But instead,
465
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,646
we're giving you
something even better.
466
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:53,275
I will do a guest shot
on each of your shows.
467
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,110
Huh? Eh?
468
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,778
(jeering, shouting)
469
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,697
Twist him like a balloon.
470
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,240
Cut off his hey-heys.
471
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:01,783
Let's slice him up and cook him
472
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,619
in our traditional dishes.
473
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,287
Krusty,
can't you think of something?
474
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,247
I'm very bad in a crisis.
475
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,749
I also can't ad-lib,
476
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:11,376
memorize anything,
improv, or tell a joke.
477
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,128
Uh, you know, why did you even
become a clown?
478
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,632
Well, I was supposed to be
one of the sad ones.
479
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,598
{\an8}♪ They smoke, they toke ♪
480
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:26,892
{\an8}♪ They smoke and toke
and smoke ♪
481
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,018
{\an8}♪ Ha! ♪
482
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,811
{\an8}♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke ♪
483
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,147
{\an8}♪ Toke, toke, toke ♪
484
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:37,903
{\an8}♪ The Itchem and Scratchem Blow ♪
485
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,154
{\an8}♪ Ha! ♪
486
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,137
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
487
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,935
Subtitled by Jimmy Boots