1
00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:12,303
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,560
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:22,313
(Barney belches)
4
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:27,318
(playing the blues)
5
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,615
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:34,993
D'oh!
7
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,494
(tires screeching)
8
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:37,620
(grunts)
9
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,789
(Homer moaning)
10
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,377
What the...! (screams)
11
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,963
Hmm? (sniffs)
12
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,632
Ew, cheap PVC smell.
13
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,926
Oh, no. I'm an action figure!
14
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,678
And I hate action.
15
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,513
Hiddiley-ho, articulated neighborino.
16
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,931
Beautiful day, isn't it?
17
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,517
Why, it's practically mint on card.
18
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,019
Shut up, Flanders!
19
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,104
(screams)
20
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,777
(laughs) This reality ain't all bad.
21
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,028
(blows)
22
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,905
Pastry power, activate.
23
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:13,156
(laughs)
24
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:14,657
(groans)
25
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,659
-Whoa!
-(whimpers)
26
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,703
Beep, beep, beep.
27
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,040
(belching)
28
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,253
Homer, give me a yank.
29
00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:29,464
I'm lonely. Typical.
30
00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,549
Homer, this isn't the way to the mall.
31
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,302
The mall?
I thought you said Badass City!
32
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,387
(kids screaming)
33
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,765
(horn honks)
34
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,266
Tokyo drift.
35
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,976
(engine revs, tires squeal)
36
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,193
(laughs) I'm a fatality.
37
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:54,614
-(whoops)
-All right, Dad!
38
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,157
(tires screeching)
39
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,992
(grunting)
40
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,869
(sinister music plays)
41
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,708
HOMER:
Hey, put the chicken one back on.
42
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,385
{\an8}Urgent message from Nelson Muntz.
43
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,553
{\an8}Go on.
44
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:17,804
{\an8}Haw. Haw.
45
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,014
{\an8}(groans)
46
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:26,354
{\an8}Well, I am going to write
a note back to Mr. Muntz.
47
00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:29,983
{\an8}Sorry about that.
48
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,651
{\an8}So, Mrs. Simpson,
the reason you're here...
49
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,821
{\an8}Let me guess.
You need a field trip mom.
50
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,656
{\an8}A library volunteer?
51
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:39,159
{\an8}Someone to Purell the CPR dummy?
52
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,036
{\an8}Resusci-Kate is just fine, thank you.
53
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,373
{\an8}We're here to talk about Bart.
54
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,750
{\an8}(sighs) What did he do now?
55
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,044
{\an8}Oh, today, I'm not here to talk
about what he did.
56
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,379
{\an8}I'm here to talk about the future.
57
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:54,090
{\an8}(sighs)
What did he do in the future?
58
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,967
{\an8}I'm not sure what he's planning,
59
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,969
{\an8}although there is a lot
of Internet chatter.
60
00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,596
{\an8}I want to change his character:
61
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:02,182
{\an8}less Dennis the Menace,
more Casper the Ghost,
62
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,600
{\an8}if he were still alive.
63
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,935
{\an8}What if Bart took music lessons?
64
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:09,105
{\an8}Music classes could channel
his destructive impulses
65
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,107
{\an8}into artistic expression.
66
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,610
{\an8}I myself have been taking
flamenco lessons.
67
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,321
{\an8}(strums)
68
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,573
{\an8}(plays flamenco music)
69
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:21,075
{\an8}Got it, music lessons.
70
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,285
{\an8}(grunts)
71
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,539
{\an8}(playing)
72
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,297
{\an8}SKINNER: Mother!
73
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:38,384
{\an8}Right. Right. Inside.
74
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,930
{\an8}Oh, stupid clog.
75
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:48,186
{\an8}(gasps) My head hairs!
76
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,230
{\an8}I'm bald!
77
00:03:50,313 --> 00:03:52,440
{\an8}Get... get in there.
78
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:53,858
{\an8}(whoops)
79
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,277
{\an8}D'oh!
80
00:03:58,488 --> 00:03:59,739
{\an8}(grunts)
81
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,032
{\an8}Aw, damn it!
82
00:04:02,325 --> 00:04:03,660
{\an8}-MAN (over TV): Welcome back...
-(audience applauds)
83
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,204
{\an8}to America's Most Tattooed Baby.
84
00:04:06,287 --> 00:04:08,665
{\an8}Now, if the Lindblads can fit
just one more tattoo
85
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,875
{\an8}on baby Jennifer--
and she's getting pretty full,
86
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,085
{\an8}I can tell you that--
87
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:15,255
{\an8}they win the grand prize of $100.
88
00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,381
{\an8}So what'll it be?
89
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,591
{\an8}Walk away! Walk away!
90
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,677
{\an8}TV's gotten so lousy.
91
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,346
{\an8}Did you ever wonder if hippopotamuses
92
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,223
{\an8}think that rhinos are unicorns?
93
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,141
{\an8}TV's not so bad.
94
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,228
{\an8}Sweetie...
95
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,771
{\an8}did you ever think of doing something
96
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,606
{\an8}a little more creative with your time?
97
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,234
{\an8}If you're worried about your
Mother's Day present, it's in the works.
98
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,533
{\an8}I was thinking something more artistic.
99
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,201
Something musical.
100
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,703
You could take advantage
101
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:50,123
of a fantastic musician living right here.
102
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,041
(playing the blues)
103
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,172
That's the kind of riff you can aim for
104
00:04:58,256 --> 00:05:00,216
after years of practice.
105
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,719
We start off with the fun stuff:
music theory.
106
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,304
(giggles)
107
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,306
Don't worry, music theory's
108
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,641
just a fancy word
for music math. (chuckles)
109
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:13,146
My dear boy, you undoubtedly think
of the slide whistle
110
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:15,898
as merely a whistle that slides.
111
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:19,068
Let me disabuse you
of that misperception.
112
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:21,195
(playing complex classical tune)
113
00:05:24,073 --> 00:05:25,116
Pass.
114
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:27,118
Do you have any idea how difficult...
115
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:29,078
-Bye, now.
-(whistle sliding down)
116
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,914
(playing complex classical tune)
117
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,207
COMIC BOOK GUY: Behold!
118
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,960
From the pages
of Dune and Dune Messiah,
119
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,172
Gurney Halleck's beloved zither:
the baliset.
120
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,799
(plays twanging, alien music)
121
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,009
Pass.
122
00:05:43,092 --> 00:05:44,844
(clears throat) When I die,
123
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:48,306
you will carry on the tradition
of... the Frink-e-min.
124
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:51,392
(plays electronic tones
that sound like Frink's voice)
125
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,730
-Pass.
-(dog howling)
126
00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,565
Ah, Mr. Homer.
127
00:05:57,648 --> 00:06:00,443
I see you are wearing
the bald man's beret.
128
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,861
Is it that obvious?
129
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,447
Oh, yes. The only thing that screams
130
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,408
"I am hiding hairlessness" more
is a goatee.
131
00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:10,912
I'm as smooth as jazz.
132
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,997
(scatting)
133
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:17,502
Oh... my wife has never seen
my head naked.
134
00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,420
Maybe I should wear a cowboy hat.
135
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:23,007
A cowboy hat means
"I'm ashamed of my small penis."
136
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,468
Don't even ask me what this means!
137
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,470
-(gunshots)
-Yee-haw!
138
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,515
-I'm a-compensatin'!
-(gunshots)
139
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:31,933
(beautiful piano music playing)
140
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:38,356
(buzzer sounds)
141
00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,483
(Russian accent)
New student. Sit at piano.
142
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,902
My daughter teach you.
You, mother!
143
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,488
Come to kitchen and see
picture of my dead wife.
144
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:47,156
That's okay. I...
145
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,825
(laughs) No, no, no, no.
146
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,910
She is not dead in picture.
147
00:06:50,993 --> 00:06:52,703
Uh... she is dying.
148
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,747
Let's go, Bart.
149
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,041
(piano playing continues)
150
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,386
(Russian accent) So, you want lesson?
151
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,221
Yes. I want lesson.
152
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:11,848
I accept your whip.
153
00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:15,184
BART: A girl who likes candy?
154
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,103
Wow.
155
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,693
(playing beautifully)
156
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,905
So, how much are lessons?
157
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,740
I give you something you want...
158
00:07:29,824 --> 00:07:32,410
(voice deepens)
you give me something I want.
159
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,455
I'm sorry, did my voice go all evil?
160
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:37,665
(chuckles) It is common
with Russian accent.
161
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:40,209
You'd better be asking
for something PC:
162
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,752
pie or cake.
163
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:44,255
Here's my offer:
my daughter give lessons,
164
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:45,756
you teach me to drive car.
165
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,967
There might be some nagging involved.
166
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,595
Deal! Now we toast with vodka.
167
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,013
(glass shatters)
168
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,681
(gulps) Ah.
169
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:55,183
-(grunts)
-(glass shatters)
170
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,477
-Now we drive!
-Huh?
171
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,439
Homer, I recommend getting drunk
172
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,399
on my most expensive beer:
173
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,443
Duff Platinum.
174
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:08,070
Hey, what the...?
But I used the best label paste.
175
00:08:10,406 --> 00:08:14,494
Those two hairs were what
was left of my youth, Moe.
176
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:18,623
Hey, come on,
there's sexy bald, like, um...
177
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,541
Babar, king of the elephants.
178
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,627
I read his books as a kid.
179
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,462
He married his cousin, Celeste.
180
00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:25,755
That was my takeaway.
181
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,258
Those royal elephants have
trainers to keep them in shape.
182
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,594
Average schmoe like me, forget it.
183
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,055
Well, let me see how bald you are.
184
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,891
Whoa... whoa! Dear Lord.
185
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,185
Here. Oh.
You need this more than I do.
186
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:40,978
(grunts)
187
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,649
(whimpers)
188
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:47,193
Just... just what exactly
is this good for?
189
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,488
(groaning)
190
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:53,115
It's nice when something
you plan in your head
191
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,368
for so long comes to fruition.
192
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,454
Where you going, Bart?
193
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:02,041
-Piano lesson.
-Ooh, piano lesson.
194
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,751
We put two of those guys up there
195
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,670
just for using a big word.
196
00:09:05,753 --> 00:09:07,588
"Caché" is not a big word.
197
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:11,384
-Clickety clack!
-(yelling, groaning)
198
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,885
Wait, wait.
199
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,512
I'm not learning anything.
200
00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:15,805
I'm just going
'cause the teacher's pretty.
201
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,808
Okay. But you'd better steal bananas
for all of us.
202
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,059
I will!
203
00:09:20,142 --> 00:09:21,686
Let me go.
204
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,313
I have a swim lesson
with a gorgeous lifeguard.
205
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,732
-What gender?
-You're not allowed to ask.
206
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,694
Okay. Check your mirrors.
207
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:33,698
Hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
208
00:09:33,781 --> 00:09:35,741
Slowly back out of the driveway.
209
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,077
-(tires squeal, metal crunches)
-Aah!
210
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,997
Mmm...
211
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:44,584
Daddy said I was a accident.
212
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,503
Okay, let's try again.
213
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,674
(engine revs, tires squeal)
214
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,968
(playing scales)
215
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,220
That is so beautiful. Did you write it?
216
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,180
These are scales.
217
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:02,685
Now, memorize:
Every good Boris deserves farm.
218
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:07,189
Let me try.
Every good booger deserves flicking.
219
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,108
Your tongue is nimble,
220
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,776
unlike sausage fingers.
221
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,195
Sausage fingers!
222
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,530
Do what I do.
223
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,532
(moans softly)
224
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,034
(playing scales)
225
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:22,580
♪ Druguyu nevestu ♪
226
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:25,583
♪ Drugoi iyunya ♪
227
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:28,586
♪ Drugoi solnechni ♪
228
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:32,381
♪ Medovyi mesyats... ♪
229
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,425
(knocking)
230
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:37,595
♪ Yeshche odim sezon ♪
231
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:40,222
♪ Yeshche odna prichina ♪
232
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:44,060
♪ Dlya vupi makin'... ♪
233
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,064
♪ Dlya makin'... ♪
234
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,190
♪ Whoopee... ♪
235
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,441
Scales!
236
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,363
-Lesson over.
-(tires screech, glass crunches)
237
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:57,365
Lesson over.
238
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,908
(Marge groans)
239
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,494
(tires squeal)
240
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:05,039
-(gears grind)
-Aah! What are you doing?
241
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,707
I want to go backwards.
242
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,626
Like Russian economy, under Putin.
243
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,336
(tires screech)
244
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:12,672
Stop making Putin jokes.
245
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,048
You sound like police...
246
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,716
-under Putin.
-(siren whoops)
247
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,635
Ugh. Speaking of police...
248
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,095
I'm sorry, Officer.
249
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,888
I believe my license is, uh...
250
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:24,308
...somewhere in these pairs
of easy-fit blue jeans.
251
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,768
Eh? Eh?
252
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,355
That's not the way
American police do things.
253
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,690
Finally.
254
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:32,483
Someone who knows
what a traffic stop
255
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,776
is really all about.
256
00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,779
Uh, Chief, don't you think
those jeans are a little tight?
257
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:40,658
We're all not high-waisted
like you, Lou, okay?
258
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,745
I'm just gonna lie down
in the backseat here.
259
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,872
(grunts, chuckles)
260
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,624
Okay.
261
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,711
All right, the blue knight
is ready for action!
262
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,254
(grunting)
263
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,136
-(sighs)
-What's wrong?
264
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:04,098
Every note you play sounds
like dying animal writhing on keys.
265
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,266
Awesome!
266
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:07,810
I just want to get more students
267
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,312
and help my father with his dream.
268
00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,149
Buying a limo.
269
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,443
He could tell big shots
in the back that,
270
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,236
no, they cannot smoke.
271
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,697
Seriously, I'm gonna make you proud.
272
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,657
I have hidden talents.
273
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:26,579
Oh, Bort, if only you make
such a miracle happen...
274
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:30,166
I would love your hands forever.
275
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,627
(slowly playing notes)
276
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,921
-(intense classical music plays)
-(horn honking)
277
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,186
Wait a minute.
278
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:51,645
You can't hear.
279
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:55,149
(playing continues)
280
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,902
I am so proud.
281
00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:01,238
I would've been happy
if Bart was just a piano mover.
282
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,408
(audience applauds)
283
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,743
Thank you.
284
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,161
I owe it all to Zhenya.
285
00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,288
Can you teach my boys?
286
00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:10,790
But no tickling the ivories.
287
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,374
You treat them with respect.
288
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,251
-Can you teach my monkey?
-(grunting)
289
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,754
Then I can deal with the Musician's Union
290
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,840
instead of the Humane Society.
Much easier to muscle.
291
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:22,343
Zhenya, I couldn't have
done it without you.
292
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,594
(whispers) And you.
293
00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:27,306
MARGE: Bart!
294
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,310
Bart, I've never been so proud of you.
295
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,063
Never, never, never!
296
00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,607
And now I'll always be
at home in a saloon.
297
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,443
Something smells fishy.
298
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:40,778
Yar, that would be me.
299
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:42,196
But I agree.
300
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,864
There's something funny here.
301
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,115
Is it me?
302
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,034
-No!
-Oh...
303
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,413
(bird caws)
304
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,626
Hey, your baseball cap's one
plastic bump tighter than usual.
305
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:56,877
What gives?
306
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:59,046
Okay, guys, here's the deal.
307
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,714
I've gone bald.
308
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:01,966
-(gasps)
-(gasps)
309
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:03,133
Then again, who cares?
310
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,135
Yeah, you already landed a hot wife.
311
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:06,846
That's the only reason
men evolved hair.
312
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,013
What are you talking about?
313
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,182
You lured Marge in with your hair.
314
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,809
You trapped her with marriage.
315
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,978
You skinned and field-gutted
her by having kids.
316
00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,021
Now she's mounted on your wall for good,
317
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,107
with fake glass eyes and a rubber tongue.
318
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,609
The way you put it, it sounds so perfect,
319
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,861
but it's not.
320
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,029
You sound seriously depressed.
321
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,823
Why don't we talk about it over at Moe's?
322
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,742
-It's not even noon.
-Yeah, I've got a watch, egghead.
323
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,954
I couldn't help overhearing
your predicament.
324
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,665
Mainly because my hearing is so great.
325
00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:37,626
-Who are you?
-The answer to your prayers.
326
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,879
Are you my guardian angel?
327
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:42,673
If so, can you turn
a pumpkin into a chariot?
328
00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:44,633
Even a used Camry would be okay.
329
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,012
No, just a regular hairless Joe like you.
330
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,306
Been bald since I was 23.
331
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,850
With the money I've saved,
I bought a yacht.
332
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,184
Whoa...
333
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,519
You're cool with it?
334
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,271
I haven't even told my wife.
335
00:14:57,354 --> 00:14:58,856
You wait for the right moment,
336
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,108
you show her that glorious dome,
337
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,903
and then you rest it sweetly on her bosom
338
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,530
and let the kisses flow like rain.
339
00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:09,033
Wow, is that what your wife did?
340
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:10,492
No wife.
341
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:13,120
I just slept with thousands of bald women.
342
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,706
(laughing)
343
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:18,876
(Marge humming)
344
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:21,086
Caught your recital, Bart.
345
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,880
Lisa, isn't it great
346
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:24,632
to have a musical genius in the family?
347
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,258
Helen Lovejoy,
348
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,469
you always have to stir the pot.
349
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:31,138
Unlike you, when you make
your lumpy clam chowder.
350
00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:33,766
I guess Bart must be a musical genius,
351
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,018
because frauds are always found out.
352
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,728
Always.
353
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:49,031
My work is done.
354
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:52,159
Now to reward myself with a case of wine.
355
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:53,661
(doorbell buzzes)
356
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,789
Hi, Zhenya.
I'm here for my lesson.
357
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,749
Good to see you, my love.
358
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:00,084
Sit on porch.
359
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,168
Are there other people in here?
360
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,087
Because of your performance,
361
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,047
I win many new students.
362
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,590
♪♪
363
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:09,677
Come on. I got to learn my mom's
stripper music by midnight.
364
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,679
But if I got you all these students,
365
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:12,846
shouldn't you be grateful?
366
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,057
Oh, of course I'm grateful.
367
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,559
Here is cushion for porch chair.
368
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:21,730
Go to "bata boom."
369
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,108
(humming)
370
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,818
(grumbles)
371
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,445
Mopped myself into a corner.
372
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,326
-Oh...
-Mom,
373
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,413
you'd still be proud of me
if I couldn't play the piano, right?
374
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,956
Of course.
375
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:42,084
But very, very, very angry
376
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,752
at all the time I wasted.
377
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,005
-(gulps)
-Gulp? Was that a gulp?
378
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:47,756
Are you getting a sore throat?
379
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,216
Let me give you some castor oil.
380
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:50,634
Hmm...
381
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,886
{\an8}(gulping)
382
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,599
You'll need your voice
to say, "Thanks, Mom,"
383
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,184
after your next recital.
384
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,269
My wha...?
385
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:04,648
I signed you up for the 10-And-Below
Talent Show next week. Huh?
386
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:08,110
You know, I'm almost 11.
It's not really fair.
387
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:10,154
Bart, when you were on that stage,
388
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:12,114
it felt like you were pouring those notes
389
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,866
right into my heart.
390
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,659
Hey, one of those notes
391
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,327
could go to your brain and kill you.
392
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,413
Are you sure
you want to take that chance?
393
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:22,332
A proud mother always does.
394
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:23,667
(whimpers)
395
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,629
First of all, you're over ten years old.
396
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,423
Second, you're clearly Justin Bieber.
397
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:32,051
That's another 25 bucks we'll never see.
398
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,427
Gosh!
399
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:39,099
♪ Who can make the sun rise? ♪
400
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,351
Why won't anybody tell me?
401
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:44,688
-(crying)
-(audience applauds)
402
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:51,111
(heart beating loudly)
403
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,660
Oh... I'm sorry.
404
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,205
-I was faking it.
-(gasps, murmurs)
405
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,126
I lied so I could see Zhenya.
406
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,629
Zhenya. Oh, Zhenya.
Everyone knows Zhenya.
407
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,380
(murmuring)
408
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:14,093
But there's really only one girl
whose opinion matters to me.
409
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,844
My mom.
410
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,055
I'd like to go home now.
411
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:21,350
And to think you'd do this
on Mother's Day.
412
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,560
Is it too late to make you
breakfast in bed?
413
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,650
(growling in frustration)
414
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,402
Um, Mom?
415
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:35,114
I'm sorry I pretended to be good at piano.
416
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,241
And I'm really ashamed that I lied.
417
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:38,867
(doorbell rings)
418
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,244
Excuse me.
419
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:44,998
Mrs. Marge, I took my driver's test.
420
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,083
Did you pass?
421
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:48,043
More or less.
422
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,755
If I eat an orange wedge,
the whole thing's gonna blow.
423
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:54,174
Well, I'm glad your side
of the deal worked out.
424
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,010
What are you talking about?
Your boy is genius!
425
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,012
No, he cheated.
426
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:02,850
Marge, in Russia,
everyone succeeds by cheating.
427
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,519
Even Russian dressing
is just Thousand Island.
428
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:09,064
-(gasps)
-But your son is a good boy.
429
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:12,526
He cheated for love,
and he cheated for you.
430
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,030
Thank you!
431
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:22,369
All right. A chance to make a new friend.
432
00:19:26,206 --> 00:19:27,916
Listen, sweetie...
433
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,961
it was wrong of me
to force my dreams on you.
434
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:34,131
Yeah, your generation won't have
any dreams come true.
435
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:37,467
Sweetie,
you're just gonna be who you are.
436
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:38,802
Well, who am I?
437
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,930
You are unique, you are special,
438
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,266
and at some point,
that's gonna come together
439
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,684
and work for you.
440
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,644
-I know it.
-Thanks, Mom.
441
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,313
And that means no punishment, right?
442
00:19:49,396 --> 00:19:50,564
Wrong.
443
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:52,941
You have to walk
all the way over to Grampa
444
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,735
to take a plate of cookies I baked.
445
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:58,071
Here's your new plate, Grampa.
446
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:01,033
Oh, boy! There's crumbs on it!
447
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,495
Marge...
448
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,289
(sighs)
449
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,082
I have something to show you.
450
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,085
Is it your impression
of Mr. Burns eating soup?
451
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,587
Because I'm not in the mood.
452
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,505
No, it's something else.
453
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,842
So?
454
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,804
I've always wondered
what you were hiding
455
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:24,264
under your curly locks,
456
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,726
my beautiful yellow melon.
457
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:32,689
Hair, no hair...
I don't really think about it. (laughs)
458
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,317
Confidence is so attractive in a man.
459
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,693
Tell me about it.
460
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,196
Oh, Marge,
when you hold me like that...
461
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,617
Thank you, God.
462
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,167
Shh!
463
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,965
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay