1
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:04,754
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,297
Argh!
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:09,134
D'oh!
4
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:10,260
(tires screech)
5
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:11,928
(grunts)
6
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:15,390
ANNOUNCER:
Raise your cards now.
7
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,060
Ooh...
8
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,812
-HOMER: Whoo-hoo!
-(whistle blows)
9
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:31,906
(espionage-style music plays)
10
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:48,298
HOMER: Now that's what I call
going for a spin!
11
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:50,884
(grunts)
12
00:00:50,967 --> 00:00:54,054
Now that's what I call
a snappy retort!
13
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,598
{\an8}Stop saying
what you call things!
14
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,308
{\an8}I'm trying
to watch the movie!
15
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,643
{\an8}Welcome to annual conclave of
16
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,645
{\an8}International Brotherhood
of Evil.
17
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,024
{\an8}This year's theme:
"Evil in the Age of Social Media."
18
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,109
{\an8}We have prepared
three breakout rooms
19
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:09,819
{\an8}for small group discussion.
20
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,112
{\an8}CROWD:
Hear, hear!
21
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:14,074
{\an8}These small rooms
are an excellent way
22
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,659
{\an8}for villains to mingle
with super-villains.
23
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,620
{\an8}But are you sure
we will not be bothered
24
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:20,955
{\an8}by the American master-spy
25
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,416
{\an8}-Stradivarius Cain?
-(gasps and murmuring)
26
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,376
{\an8}Do not worry about Dr. Cain.
27
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,962
{\an8}The last I saw him,
my beautiful mistress
28
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:29,881
{\an8}was about to finish him off.
29
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:32,717
{\an8}Yes, that's what I did.
30
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,761
{\an8}You killed him, right?
31
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,472
{\an8}Yes, he was
the perfect lover...
32
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,015
{\an8}of being killed!
33
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,392
{\an8}It's a weird sentence,
but let's move on.
34
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:45,105
{\an8}My baker has prepared an edible
monument to Cain's demise.
35
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:46,940
{\an8}(crowd chatters)
36
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,025
{\an8}Party's over, General.
37
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,527
{\an8}Stradivarius Cain?!
38
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,529
{\an8}No...!
39
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:56,741
{\an8}He turned that Russian guy
into Swiss cheese!
40
00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:57,951
{\an8}Homer!
41
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:01,037
{\an8}People are here to see the movie,
not listen to you!
42
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,164
{\an8}Hey, Homer,
great yell-outs tonight!
43
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,625
{\an8}Lucky you, Marge!
You get to hear 'em the loudest!
44
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,585
{\an8}You've ruined me
for other men!
45
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,420
{\an8}That's my hobby.
46
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:12,423
{\an8}This is my job.
47
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,802
{\an8}Looks like that guy's got
turret's syndrome!
48
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,512
{\an8}(both laugh)
49
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,682
{\an8}I couldn't have thought of that
in 10,000 lifetimes!
50
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,434
{\an8}(groans)
51
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,979
{\an8}(Homer chuckles)
52
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:31,734
{\an8}(chuckling continues)
53
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,907
{\an8}Swiss cheese...
54
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:40,243
{\an8}Marge, how come you're
not saying anything?
55
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,704
{\an8}There was enough talking
during the movie.
56
00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,998
{\an8}This date night was even worse
than the date night
57
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:47,292
{\an8}we saw Date Night.
(grunts)
58
00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,544
HOMER:
Oh, man, Marge is pissed.
59
00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:51,671
Look at her...
flaring her nostrils...
60
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:54,465
drumming her fingers...
making small noises like
61
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,050
she's yelling at me
inside her head...
62
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,052
(short multiple grunts)
63
00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,888
Just take me home!
64
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,140
That's what she said!
65
00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:06,269
-LENNY: Another good one!
-CARL: You're on fire!
66
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,521
(whines)
67
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:11,065
(tires screech)
68
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,567
SKINNER:
Attention, students.
69
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,861
In order to cut down
on the rash of
70
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,738
embarrassing YouTube videos
of our teachers,
71
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:20,033
we will be scanning you
and taking away your smartphones.
72
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:23,244
(kids grumbling)
73
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,954
KID:
Make sure I get this back.
74
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,542
A new low.
(sighs)
75
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,503
I should've taken that
superintendent job in Honduras.
76
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,298
My own donkey, all the sugarcane
I could suck...
77
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:38,801
if only I could stomach
the upside-down question marks.
78
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,472
Hmm... Hmm?!
79
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,307
(humming)
80
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,309
Hey Simpson.
Let me save you the trouble
81
00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,646
of putting that money
back in your pocket.
82
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,064
NELSON:
Haw-haw!
83
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:55,526
Stupid Nelson!
I hate that guy.
84
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:59,197
My mom says bullies only bully
'cause they're scared.
85
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,531
NELSON:
Your mom's next!
86
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:03,117
You make dumb kids, lady.
87
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,911
Hmm?
88
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,789
Hmm.
89
00:04:09,707 --> 00:04:10,959
(crow caws)
90
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,294
-(electricity buzzing)
-Boy, Homer, I gotta say,
91
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,213
Marge looked pretty easy
on the eyes last night.
92
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,382
And I know eye-ease!
93
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:18,633
-Yeah.
-Uh-oh.
94
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:19,968
Trouble in paradise?
95
00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:22,220
No, just my marriage.
96
00:04:22,303 --> 00:04:23,680
BOTH: Ooh.
97
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:24,806
(whines)
98
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,184
Honey, it's me again.
99
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,020
I can't work knowing
that you're mad at me.
100
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,689
I just wanna hear
your voice.
101
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,650
And I'm counting the minutes
till the whistle blows,
102
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,528
then I go to Moe's,
then I rush home to you.
103
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,280
-(tires screech)
-Ooh!
104
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,407
Explain this infernal
wheel to me again.
105
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,701
Left for left,
right for right!
106
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,160
Enough of your double-talk!
107
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,081
(yelling)
108
00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,082
(grunting)
109
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:52,250
(shouting, grunts)
110
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,921
Excellent.
He's alive.
111
00:04:57,005 --> 00:05:00,049
Smithers, give this man
one Ibuprofen,
112
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,552
uncoated, and send him back
to his workstation.
113
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,513
Sir, Simpson has sustained
a serious concussion.
114
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:08,975
Recent research says you must
give him time off to recover.
115
00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:10,351
Oh, pish.
116
00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,603
When I was in Africa, I had my
skull cracked open
117
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,188
by cannibals,
and I'm still kicking!
118
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,149
Sir, that was your partner.
119
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:17,525
You betrayed him
to the cannibals.
120
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,110
(chuckling)
Oh, that's right.
121
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,863
I have his memories
because I ate his brain.
122
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,531
Mr. Burns, you have
to give this man something.
123
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:26,409
He could sue us
for all we've got!
124
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,996
Fine. Eight weeks off
with pay.
125
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,332
-(shrieks)
-That's a good thing.
126
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:34,542
But you said it so mean.
127
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,294
(tires screech)
128
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:37,462
(chuckles)
129
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,755
Eight weeks paid vacation,
130
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,591
and all because
of a little bump on the noggin.
131
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,801
-(liquid trickling)
-(grunts)
132
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:48,306
Hey, Marge, here's something
that'll make you happy!
133
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:51,017
-Not in the mood!
-No, this is really good. I...
134
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,019
Nelson took
my lunch money again.
135
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,520
-Now, listen, Lisa...
-(saxophone playing)
136
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,065
Hold that thought.
I'm tuning my saxophone.
137
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,317
(blows note) Sharp.
(blows note) Flat.
138
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,486
-Sharp. Flat.
-No one will tell me if
139
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:04,989
-I'm a ghost or not!
-Well, I just got...
140
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,206
(heart beating)
141
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,999
Got what, Homer?
142
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,793
Uh... I got...
143
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:20,171
Shelbyville radio
in my car for a few minutes.
144
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,757
(groans) Homer,
I'm a single mother
145
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,175
trying to raise a family here.
146
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,219
-But you're not...
-Just zip it!
147
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:30,848
(all complaining)
148
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,810
I have eight weeks
paid vacation,
149
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,186
and my family doesn't know.
150
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:37,105
Whoo-hoo.
151
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,653
Honey, I'm off to work!
152
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,739
You know...
maybe I should call in sick.
153
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:49,492
We could visit all
our old romantic haunts
154
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,703
that have closed and turned into
temporary Halloween stores.
155
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,997
I have to take Maggie
for her checkup.
156
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,042
And a guy's coming to see what
the smell is under the house.
157
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,503
I get it.
You need your Marge time.
158
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:04,298
(sighs)
Well, I'm... off to work.
159
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:08,886
(giggling)
160
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,097
-(grunts)
-FLANDERS: Ow! Ow!
161
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,474
My feet hurt,
and my neck is cold.
162
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:14,725
(grunts)
163
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:16,477
KRABAPPEL:
(yawns) Children,
164
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,438
I didn't get
much sleep last night,
165
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,899
because I was up late again,
lamenting the choices I've made.
166
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,986
Haw-haw!
You can't change the past.
167
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,530
Just for that, you can go
to the principal's office,
168
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,408
while the rest of the class
enjoys... a movie day.
169
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,326
(cheering, gunfire)
170
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:37,081
Krusty Burger:
Every day thousands of people
171
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:40,042
wolf down his "kwazy cuisine"
172
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,961
thinking they're getting
the nutrients
173
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,881
a human being needs to live.
174
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,133
But for 30 days,
this reporter
175
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,803
ate nothing but this
joker's deck of carbs.
176
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,472
And I say:
177
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:55,057
(thunder rumbles)
178
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,394
{\an8}Do you want lies with that?
179
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:07,111
Oh great. Another documentary
making me look like a scuzzbag.
180
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,529
What is it this time?
181
00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:11,240
That the town I sponsor
in Africa doesn't exist?
182
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,868
Prove it!
Film all of Africa!
183
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:18,080
Day 12:
I've gained 20 pounds.
184
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,916
As for my cholesterol...
185
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,585
It's bad.
You can just scrape it right off.
186
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:29,842
But still I soldier on
with my "Laffy Meal."
187
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,678
(grunting and gagging)
188
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:36,849
(humming)
189
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,101
Hey,
this is all above-board.
190
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:45,399
One month
of eating Krusty Burger
191
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:48,569
and nothing else
has transformed me
192
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:52,698
into a morbidly obese,
toilet-busting American.
193
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,784
If I don't have
some kind of nugget
194
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,411
every five minutes, I'll die.
195
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,040
I'm so weak...
196
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:03,834
I can't even fill out
this application
197
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,045
for "Documentary Film Oscar."
198
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,550
DESMOND:
But it'll be worth it
199
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:16,222
if my suffering teaches Krusty
the value of proper nutrition.
200
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:19,725
You're gonna be my
breakfast English sausage!
201
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:20,977
(crazy laugh)
202
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,939
(Erik Satie's Gymnopedies 3
For Piano plays)
203
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,737
Hmm...
204
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,492
(Bart chuckles)
205
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,411
Man, when you're not at work,
206
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,497
you see so many
beautiful things.
207
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:45,668
(Irlandaise-Claude Bolling
Suite For Flute & Jazz Piano Trio)
208
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,093
(snoring)
209
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:57,013
(choking)
210
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:58,598
(snoring)
211
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,809
(Homer chuckles)
And now, because it's afternoon,
212
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:07,023
I can go to Moe's without having
a "drinking problem." (chuckles)
213
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,232
(beer pouring)
214
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,026
Hey, Homer.
I could hear your
215
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,944
pathetic rationalizing
through the door.
216
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,363
Well, why can't I
hang out at the bar all day?
217
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,115
My wife doesn't want
to be with me.
218
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:18,075
Look, I'd love to discuss
your problems,
219
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,077
but a pack of raccoons
took over my back room,
220
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,204
and today's the day
I make my stand.
221
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:23,956
(wild screaming,
raccoons chittering)
222
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,292
MOE: Aah! Aah!
There's more than I thought!
223
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,928
I wish I could
pull down my zipper
224
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,096
and that guy would come out.
225
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,515
CAIN: Stranger things
have happened, Homer.
226
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,894
(screams)
Stradivarius Cain!
227
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,897
What the...?
Am I losing my marbles?
228
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,607
No, I'm just
an illusion caused by
229
00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,567
the concussion you suffered
at the plant.
230
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,111
Can I put my hand
through you?
231
00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:55,655
If you want.
232
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,239
C'mon... really?
233
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,033
Show a little class.
234
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,368
Sorry.
235
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,412
Now I'm about to undertake
my toughest mission ever:
236
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:06,666
to make you into a man
your wife can't resist.
237
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,171
What the...?
No one can see you!
238
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:15,299
Other people's imaginary
friends can see me.
239
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,759
(groans)
240
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,929
Hello, Dr. Cain.
241
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,597
Hello, Hufnpuffalus.
242
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,476
Sorry I slept
with your girlfriend.
243
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:27,353
You did me a favor, man.
244
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:29,021
(Nelson humming)
245
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:32,108
Lunch money, lunch money,
lunch money.
246
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,359
Hey, Lis.
247
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,194
Nelson, don't you want
my lunch money?
248
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,364
Nah. Chicks wind up
getting all your money anyway.
249
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:40,574
That's sexist,
but thank you.
250
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,077
Now I gotta go liberate some
cash from your brother.
251
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,537
Well, if you must.
252
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,123
See if you can find out
where my dolls are.
253
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:48,708
You might not like
the answer.
254
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,167
I just want closure.
255
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,754
Simpson, you know
why I'm here.
256
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,341
Nelson, I could give you
my lunch money...
257
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,677
or I could give you...
258
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,429
Lunch?
259
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,013
Actual lunch?!
260
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,015
Look at all them burgers
and fries.
261
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,476
I didn't know they served
these things warm!
262
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,604
Aw... they feel
like a baby's head.
263
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:13,774
I just thank God you didn't take
my coupons.
264
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,609
Got enough for a month.
265
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,487
Free hamburger?!
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
266
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,197
No, you give them
the coupon,
267
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,657
and they give you
the hamburger.
268
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,825
I knew that.
269
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,618
(chuckles)
270
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:33,002
I must say,
whoever installed
271
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:37,047
your car's secret weapons
did a great job hiding them.
272
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,384
Yeah, Dr. Cain,
the thing about that is...
273
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,803
uh, there aren't any weapons.
274
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:46,640
What?! Well, does your car
at least turn into something else?
275
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,894
Sometimes Marge says
I turn it into a trashcan.
276
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,229
Hmm... (groans).
277
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,981
Homer, you are going
to clean up this car,
278
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:57,234
put on cologne, and become
a sparkling conversationalist.
279
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,236
Sounds like you're turning
into wife number two.
280
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,405
I can do that.
281
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,491
So, stick with Marge!
282
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,742
(Homer gasping)
283
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:07,328
Whoa, what's going on
there, Lou?
284
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,246
Well, if you ask me,
Chief...
285
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,414
(low groan)
286
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:11,999
All right,
what does this mean?
287
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,503
Childhood obesity...
288
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,087
(chuckles)
it's not funny anymore!
289
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,633
Breakfast cereals where
the surprise inside is diabetes
290
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,760
and soda cups the size
of hot tubs
291
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:26,263
have made every state
Mississippi-fat.
292
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:27,932
Mmm-mmm!
293
00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,309
(gasps)
That's Nelson!
294
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:33,354
No, you're imagining
things.
295
00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,064
What else you got?
296
00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,941
Just bubbling oil.
297
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,276
Stand back
and give me a straw.
298
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,695
(gasps)
299
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,198
Now, the ultimate test:
300
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,910
I want you to convince...
that woman
301
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,121
to give herself to you
body and soul.
302
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,207
But I'm a married man.
303
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,626
Yeah, I know.
A married man is never attracted
304
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,711
to a beautiful woman
he doesn't even know,
305
00:13:57,795 --> 00:14:01,298
but this will give you the confidence
you need with Marge.
306
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:04,969
Okay, I'll make
a stranger love me forever.
307
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,096
And Homer, remember:
308
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,681
it doesn't matter
what you say
309
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,767
as long as you say it
with confidence.
310
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,352
Mm-hmm!
311
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:16,438
My dear, did you just
fall from heaven?
312
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,441
'Cause your hair looks
really messed up.
313
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,110
Okay, it matters
a little what you say.
314
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,444
Moving on...
315
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,154
You know what wood
makes the best
316
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:26,699
ventriloquist dummy?
Maple.
317
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,371
How many hardboiled eggs
do you think I can eat?
318
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:36,125
(groans)
Look, just say this:
319
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,127
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm!
320
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,962
When I was in special ops,
321
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,672
they held me
in an Afghan prison
322
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,967
where all I could see
was a patch of blue sky.
323
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,969
But that blue
was nothing compared
324
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:50,055
to the blue of your eyes.
325
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:54,101
Oh... I am a sucker
for articulate fatsos.
326
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,812
(giggles)
327
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,063
MAN:
What is this?
328
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,691
I leave for two seconds
to get chocolate martinis,
329
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:04,278
and my wife is expertly seduced
by this pork empanada!
330
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:05,946
(gasps)
What do I do?
331
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,073
Squirt that lemon
in his eye!
332
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,451
You think a lemon
will stop me?!
333
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,538
A lime! No...!
334
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,457
(laughing)
335
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,793
Did you see the guy?
336
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,130
(humming)
337
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,257
Marge, what brings you
to the S.N.P.P.?
338
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,301
Homie's been working
so hard.
339
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:29,386
I thought I'd bring him
a special lunch.
340
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,846
Marge, you're a blue angel.
341
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,848
And I'm not talking about
those pilots that hot dog in
342
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,892
an air show while the real men
are in combat.
343
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,603
But I gotta ask:
where's Homer working?
344
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,229
Here, right?
345
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,273
Not since Burns gave him
that time off.
346
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,150
-What is this? Week six?
-What?!
347
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:46,320
I knew there was a reason
he was leaving on time!
348
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:49,323
Oh, I can't believe this!
349
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,492
(tires squeal)
350
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,160
What'd you say to her?
351
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:55,496
I don't know. I thought I was
making small talk.
352
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:58,749
But it turned out
to be big talk.
353
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:06,006
(Krusty, chimpanzee
grunting loudly)
354
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,593
-What?!
-Krusty!
355
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,470
This once-vibrant
young bully
356
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,889
won't even live to pick on
kids in junior high!
357
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,350
Because he's been eating
nothing but your food!
358
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,935
Atta boy!
359
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,436
(coughs)
360
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,855
Got any fries, man?
I just need a couple.
361
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,816
Not my responsibility.
362
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:25,734
He didn't have
to order that crap.
363
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,404
We've got yogurt
and salad on the menu!
364
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,823
Do you actually serve
those items?
365
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,033
No. Mmm...
366
00:16:34,868 --> 00:16:36,954
All right, kid,
to make this right,
367
00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,790
I'm gonna hook you up
with my personal trainer.
368
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:43,335
Billy, get this kid
into superhero shape!
369
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,504
Hugh Jackman Wolverine?
370
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:46,797
I'm not made of money.
371
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,258
Alicia Silverstone Batgirl?
372
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,510
He's that now.
373
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:53,262
(tires screech)
374
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,307
(humming)
375
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,852
-(gasps)
-Busy day at work?
376
00:16:59,935 --> 00:17:03,272
Did you get a lot
of work done, worker man?
377
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,024
What do I do?
What do I do?!
378
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,067
Take her by those shoulders
she never covers
379
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,986
and tell her the truth.
380
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:11,196
You're right, Marge,
I lied.
381
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,657
Don't give me
that load of... Huh?
382
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,159
I got a head injury
at work,
383
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,910
and they gave me eight
weeks paid vacation.
384
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:19,830
Head injury?!
Why didn't you tell me?
385
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,999
And I spent all
that time learning
386
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:24,126
how to be a better husband.
387
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,836
The kind of husband you deserve.
388
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,338
Wha...?
389
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,591
Kiss her.
Kiss her while I watch.
390
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,134
(gasps)
391
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,303
(both moaning)
392
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,681
Mmm...
393
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,183
HOMER:
The three of us are going
394
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:42,352
to the most romantic restaurant
in town.
395
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,731
This car's so clean!
396
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:48,067
I'm not getting flea bites
on my ankles!
397
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,779
I have bug-bombed
the car for m'lady.
398
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,113
(giggles)
399
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,450
MARGE:
Whoo! Whoo!
400
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,787
-(grunts)
-(gasps)
401
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,872
(groans)
402
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,541
We meet again!
403
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,293
Looking for this?
404
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:17,304
He won't be out for long.
Flee, my love!
405
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:18,722
(panting)
406
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,224
Why is he trying
to kill you,
407
00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:22,392
and why did she call
you her love?
408
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:23,852
It was all
a training exercise
409
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,229
to make me smooth
for you.
410
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:27,815
Of course, she fell for me, and of
course, I wanted no part of her.
411
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:31,026
Now the only one who can help us
is Stradivarius Cain.
412
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,320
-The guy from the movie?
-I'll explain later.
413
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,197
Strad, come back!
414
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,824
I know you're in there!
415
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,992
No.
Not you.
416
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,661
Big fan, but no.
417
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:43,038
Cleatus the football robot,
you're my only hope!
418
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,541
(Fox NFL theme plays)
419
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,090
No one likes you!
420
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:54,883
(machinery whirs)
421
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,136
DRUG LORD:
How can a fat man hide so well?
422
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:01,348
(hushed)
Strad, where are you?
423
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,935
You can handle him, Homer.
424
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:07,146
Just remember
what I taught you.
425
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,524
When I was in special ops,
426
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,025
they held me
in an Afghan prison
427
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:15,028
where all I could see was
a patch of blue sky.
428
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,864
But that blue was
nothing compared
429
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,741
with the blue of your eyes.
430
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,536
I cannot kill
a poet like you.
431
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:25,038
And you are
a very lucky woman.
432
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,875
This is why I always say
"mingle at parties."
433
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,918
It's how I met Greg Kinnear.
434
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,962
Ay!
With the Greg Kinnear again.
435
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,463
Can't friends talk
about friends?
436
00:19:33,547 --> 00:19:34,882
He is not your friend!
437
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,384
Then why did he say he'd call me
when he comes to Bolivia?
438
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,553
(sighs)
439
00:19:39,636 --> 00:19:41,221
We used to be like them.
440
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:42,764
Mmm.
441
00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:46,185
So, how many more weeks
do you have off?
442
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,729
Actually, I was supposed
to be back last week.
443
00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,272
(laughs)
444
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:54,067
We'll just wait for the call
from Human Resources.
445
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,075
I guess my work here is done.
446
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:07,623
But Stradivarius Cain will
return in "Lisa Gets a B Plus."
447
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,042
(gunshot)
448
00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:12,878
I knew you were mad at me.
449
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:15,547
At the risk
of inflaming Sister Fate,
450
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:19,134
this bully-free period
has been an Arcadian idyll!
451
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,719
-Hear, hear!
-Idyll!
452
00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,137
(gasping)
453
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,389
-Ha-ha!
-(grunts)
454
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:27,643
(gasping, clamoring)
455
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:30,395
(Nelson, kids grunting)
456
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:38,320
I administer with this nose!
457
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,239
This is a happy ending?
458
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:43,367
Well, he's tough on nerds,
but easy on the eyes.
459
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:44,868
What'd you just say?
460
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,245
Nothing.
461
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,750
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
462
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:39,965
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay