1 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,214 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,262 (exclaiming) 3 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,310 (school bell ringing) 4 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,772 (Barney belches) 5 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,190 (whistle blows) 6 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,276 (yells) 7 00:00:30,488 --> 00:00:32,073 (beeping) 8 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:37,912 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:45,420 (tires screeching) 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,006 D'oh! 11 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,299 (tires screeching) 12 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:50,425 (grunts) 13 00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,302 ('60s themed music) 14 00:01:05,315 --> 00:01:08,568 ('70s themed music) 15 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,028 (thud) 16 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:16,493 ('80s piano music) 17 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,207 (all yelling) 18 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,879 (sighs) 19 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:38,473 {\an8}And that's why I really don't believe there's a God. 20 00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,642 {\an8}Thank you, and God bless America. 21 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,978 {\an8}You were only supposed to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. 22 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,231 {\an8}I'm pretty sure it was in there somewhere. 23 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:50,068 {\an8}Oh. Now, let me conclude by thanking Moe the bartender 24 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:53,488 {\an8}for hosting this meeting while City Hall is fumigated for bedbugs. 25 00:01:53,571 --> 00:01:54,739 {\an8}Bedbugs? 26 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,491 {\an8}Just why is there a bed in City Hall? 27 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:57,408 {\an8}(crowd murmurs) 28 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,327 {\an8}Er, uh, meeting adjourned! 29 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,246 {\an8}(record scratches) ♪ All night long ♪ 30 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,872 {\an8}♪ All night ♪ 31 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,499 {\an8}-♪ All night ♪ -♪ All night ♪ 32 00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:05,917 {\an8}♪ All night long ♪ 33 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,252 {\an8}♪ All night ♪ 34 00:02:07,335 --> 00:02:08,920 {\an8}-♪ All night ♪ -♪ All night ♪ 35 00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,171 {\an8}♪ All night long ♪ 36 00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,714 {\an8}♪ All night ♪ 37 00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,591 {\an8}-♪ All night ♪ -♪ All night ♪ 38 00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:14,884 {\an8}♪ All night long ♪ 39 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,594 {\an8}♪ All night ♪ 40 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,054 {\an8}♪ Unh! ♪ 41 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,014 {\an8}♪ Everyone you meet ♪ 42 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,225 {\an8}♪ They're jamming in the street ♪ 43 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:25,061 {\an8}-♪ All night long ♪ -♪ All night ♪ 44 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,563 {\an8}♪ Yeah, I said... ♪ 45 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,690 {\an8}This is so convenient! 46 00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:29,983 {\an8}I can go straight from doing my civic duty 47 00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,443 {\an8}to having a beer with my best friend Carl. 48 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:35,280 {\an8}And I can toss back a Duff Sangre de los Muertos 49 00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,782 {\an8}with my best friend: Mexican Duffman. 50 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,200 {\an8}Ho-la! 51 00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,411 {\an8}Hey, Moe, who's your best friend? 52 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:42,537 {\an8}Uh... 53 00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:44,998 {\an8}Well, uh... Well, I just made friends 54 00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:49,460 {\an8}with Pepto-Bismol on Facebook, and, uh... um... 55 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,046 {\an8}Hey, would you look at that? There's a spot on the bar. 56 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,048 {\an8}-Come on! (grunting) -(squeaking) 57 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,092 {\an8}You know what? 58 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,053 {\an8}I think Moe's best friend is really that bar rag. 59 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,722 {\an8}(laughter) 60 00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,683 {\an8}That's even sadder than being friends with Milhouse! 61 00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:07,061 {\an8}(chuckles) You know something, Bart? 62 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:09,480 {\an8}I'm getting tired of things like that. 63 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:12,066 {\an8}Tired of what? I dump on you, and you take it. 64 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,860 {\an8}That's how friendship works. 65 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,738 {\an8}Not anymore. Friendship over. 66 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,908 {\an8}-Taxi! -(door slams) 67 00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:22,285 {\an8}What gives? He's not crawling back. 68 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:27,123 {\an8}Even a kid who wears a "Finding Nemo" back brace has some pride. 69 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,126 {\an8}You went too far this time, Bart. 70 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:35,173 {\an8}Hey, Moe! I got a job here for your "best friend," the bar rag. 71 00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,967 {\an8}Me, too! (laughs) 72 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,470 {\an8}-(all laughing) -Oily. 73 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:41,971 {\an8}(growls) 74 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,181 {\an8}Great meeting, though. 75 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,562 {\an8}Yes, that's right, everyone laugh at the rag. 76 00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,064 {\an8}But I was not always 77 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:54,108 {\an8}this be-stained swatch you see before you. 78 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,818 {\an8}Oh, no, gentles. 79 00:03:55,902 --> 00:04:00,865 {\an8}We begin in early medieval France... 80 00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:05,078 {\an8}♪ ♪ 81 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:09,332 {\an8}BAR RAG: A young peasant wife struggles to feed her family... 82 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,668 {\an8}Maman, we are starving... 83 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:14,420 {\an8}Listen to the grumbling of our estomacs! 84 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,339 {\an8}(grumbling sounds) 85 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:18,508 {\an8}That's not your estomacs! 86 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:19,926 {\an8}It's some men speaking French! 87 00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:23,263 {\an8}(speaking French) 88 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,431 {\an8}Now, I have work to do. Complain to your papa. 89 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:28,184 {\an8}Papa? He is no help at all. 90 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,229 Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders! 91 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,856 Stupid Flanders. 92 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:37,694 (trumpet fanfare blows) 93 00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:41,239 All tremble before the duc de Springfield! 94 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,407 That's enough! 95 00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:44,158 Madame, I would like you 96 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,911 to weave me a tapestry with the following images: 97 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,705 Me healing the sick. 98 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,747 Me killing the healthy. 99 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,708 Me marrying my sister. 100 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,376 A long winter where nothing happens. 101 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,503 Me relaxing with friends. 102 00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:56,713 You know, the standard stuff. 103 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,549 For this, I shall pay you two copper coins. 104 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,259 You have 25 years to complete it. 105 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:04,304 You may have one 15-minute déjeuner. 106 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,893 (bleating) 107 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:14,188 Oh, these innocent creatures are blocking my path. 108 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,566 I could walk six paces that way... 109 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,986 or I could kill them all right now! 110 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:22,280 I am heartily sorry and confess all my sins. 111 00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:23,990 Absolved! 112 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:26,784 -Allons-y! -(neighs) 113 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,328 BAR RAG: In their dying fury, 114 00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:31,956 those beasts began expelling demon wool. 115 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,002 And the restless spirits of those murdered sheep 116 00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:40,173 compelled Marguerite to loom ceaselessly, 117 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,551 even as her husband went off to fight 118 00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,220 again and again... 119 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,267 and again. 120 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,902 (grunting) 121 00:06:00,985 --> 00:06:02,862 BAR RAG: As the years went by, 122 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:06,199 the images she loomed were not of the Duc, 123 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,826 but rather depictions of the adventures 124 00:06:08,910 --> 00:06:13,498 that cloth would experience over the centuries. 125 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:16,000 Oh, and by the way... 126 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:18,961 that tapestry was me. 127 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,089 Right, and I was the Gutenberg Bible. 128 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:23,508 Maman, we have failed to grow. 129 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,218 We've had too little food! 130 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:28,763 Is it too little food or too much complaining? 131 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:32,183 Maman, you are overstressed. You need a vacation. 132 00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:34,018 Perhaps to the South of France. 133 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,396 We're in the South of France! 134 00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,148 BAR RAG: One day, as rosy-fingered Dawn 135 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,652 wiped the morning gunk from her eyes, 136 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:46,239 the Duc came to claim his infernal drapes. 137 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:50,243 What an age for prosthetics we live in. 138 00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,455 Silence! I have reached my verdict. 139 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,625 -It's not what I expected. -(gasping) 140 00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:00,795 -And yet... it's beautiful! -(sighing) 141 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,672 But it's also not what I expected. 142 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:05,216 Burn down their house! 143 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:08,428 (hoofbeat) 144 00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,347 (explosion) 145 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,808 BAR RAG: But Le Duc was about to be called home 146 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:18,020 to the worst kind of hell: medieval hell. 147 00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:19,814 -(neighs) -(yells) 148 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:31,367 Hey, let's show some French courage and beat up the corpse! 149 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:35,830 Come on, Ralphie, have a try. 150 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,292 Oh! We're submitting that 151 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:42,545 to France's Funniest Cave Paintings. 152 00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:46,924 (humming) 153 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:50,052 Mm-hmm, hm. 154 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:53,055 BAR RAG: Even for a tapestry made of demon wool, 155 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,016 this was hard to watch. 156 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,727 I was moved to a magnificent cathedral 157 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,353 and learned that tapestries 158 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,856 were the rock stars of the Middle Ages. 159 00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,232 (excited screaming) 160 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,818 I had legions of what you now call groupies. 161 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:07,695 It felt like the good times 162 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:10,406 known as the Dark Ages would never end. 163 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:14,577 But then cruel fate knocked upon the door... 164 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:18,498 (yelling) 165 00:08:18,581 --> 00:08:21,167 Guys, it ain't working-- the door's too strong. 166 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,336 (grunting) 167 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,004 (yelling) 168 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,924 Go, Vikings. 169 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:30,885 Ow! Stop it! 170 00:08:30,968 --> 00:08:32,845 You just broke your vow of silence. 171 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,223 It wasn't a vow. I just didn't want to talk to you. 172 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,891 Oh! 173 00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:39,018 This Viking stuff is too dangerous. 174 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:42,438 I'm going to become a gentleman art thief. 175 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,439 (yells) 176 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,982 (laughing) 177 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,442 Huh? 178 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,903 Hmm, what the...? (delighted chuckle) 179 00:08:48,986 --> 00:08:50,196 (gasps) 180 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,739 Spooky. 181 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,534 Hmm... hmm. 182 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:58,496 BAR RAG: That was the first time I knew anguish and fear. 183 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:03,167 Nothing will ever staunch the pain of that memory. 184 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:06,587 Oh. Well, that helps. (belches) 185 00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:12,802 -(rock hits window) -BART: Milhouse! 186 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,595 -Milhouse! -(sighs) 187 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,264 What do you-- 188 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,307 (choking) 189 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,392 Hmm? 190 00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,898 What is it, Bart? 191 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,401 Listen, um... after our fight, I couldn't sleep. 192 00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,736 Well, I was doing fine. 193 00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:34,156 Warm glass of milk, some choice cuts from The Wriggles 194 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,117 and I was out. 195 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,161 Come on, man. At least listen to what I have to say. 196 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,997 Okay... 197 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,958 Um... well... 198 00:09:44,041 --> 00:09:47,003 this is usually the part where you say you're sorry. 199 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,588 Bart, I'm not your puppet. 200 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,340 I know, I made you into a real boy last week. 201 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,800 And I'll always be grateful. 202 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:56,095 But it's time you started treating me with respect. 203 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,472 (rocks hitting window) 204 00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,517 (sighs) They're a tough pair, huh? 205 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,021 Kirk-- (choking) 206 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,106 If you let me in, I'll give you the Heimlich. 207 00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,691 Hm-mm. 208 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:13,279 So to recap: I had been unjustly torn 209 00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:15,448 from my lofty perch. 210 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:19,619 I wound up as a barter in Persia. 211 00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,454 You have taken our gold 212 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,914 and jewels and given us this faded cloth?! 213 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,626 That's right. And if anyone asked who swindled you, 214 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,294 it was Christians. 215 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:31,172 Remember that name: Christians. 216 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:33,174 (growling) 217 00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:36,135 BAR RAG: I found myself in the court of the young Persian king, 218 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,596 a cruel king who demanded 219 00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,057 constant entertainment from his wives. 220 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,767 ♪♪ 221 00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,736 Eh. Throw her in the pit of boring wives. 222 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:57,782 (thud) 223 00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,075 We never go out anymore. 224 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:00,576 Are you even listening to me? 225 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,869 My sister has a much bigger pit. 226 00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:06,082 Dude, you've already discarded, like, 500 wives. 227 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,833 I think it's weird that you're counting. 228 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,377 Send in the next one! 229 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,133 Good evening, Your Majesty. 230 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:19,679 May I tell you your slippers are as curly as everyone says? 231 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,889 (laughing nervously) 232 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,307 Eh, pit her. 233 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,642 Wait, wait, wait! 234 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,478 I can, uh, tell you a story! 235 00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:29,105 Cease your dragging! 236 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:35,653 Uh... There once was a boy named Ali Baba. 237 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,197 He and his elder brother Cassim 238 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,615 were the sons of a merchant 239 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,617 who traded in camels and spices and-- 240 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:45,413 Okay, just a couple thoughts on your direction so far. 241 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,460 One day, while out for a walk, 242 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,338 Ali Baba was set upon by a thief. 243 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,841 -(yawning) -Make that two thieves! 244 00:11:56,924 --> 00:11:58,968 -(more interested yawn) -A million thieves! 245 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,302 (yawning) Too many. 246 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,470 (sighs) Forty thieves. 247 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,763 (pleasant yawning) 248 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:05,766 BAR RAG: With her inventiveness and wit, 249 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,601 the clever wife entertained her king 250 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:10,813 for a thousand and one nights. 251 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:15,735 And while he slept, she freed her imprisoned compatriots. 252 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,870 Uh, it was cooler in the pit. 253 00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,880 And that's how the camel got its hump. (sigh) 254 00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,965 Another story! 255 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,760 (exasperated sigh) For once, couldn't you just take 256 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,888 a few minutes to let the previous story sink in? 257 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,307 You dare refuse your king? 258 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:48,642 Guards! Uh-oh. 259 00:12:56,567 --> 00:13:00,112 BAR RAG: My downward spiral continued. 260 00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,126 Only cowards use blindfolds. 261 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,962 (screams) I didn't know you were doing that! 262 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,843 BAR RAG: I was unfit for even the most sordid uses. 263 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:26,305 How's your neck, Your Lordship? No splinters or nuffin'? 264 00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:29,308 I fear the ax less than that filthy rag. 265 00:13:29,391 --> 00:13:31,811 You talk fancy now, but you'll twitch like the rest. 266 00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:33,395 All too true, I fear. 267 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,814 Shut up! 268 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,483 Your tongue is even sharper than your-- 269 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:40,027 BAR RAG: But then, at my lowest ebb, a moment of hope. 270 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:43,781 I played a pivotal role in creating 271 00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:45,908 one of the masterpieces of Western art. 272 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,785 Michelangelo! 273 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,203 When will you be finished? 274 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,914 Hey, you want a quickie? You go to Raphael, baby. 275 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:54,542 BAR RAG: The artist was never satisfied. 276 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,795 How about now? 277 00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:59,338 Nope. 278 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,552 That's perfect! 279 00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:06,095 Now would you like to protect your investment 280 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,429 with a clear coat? 281 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,349 Hm, let me discuss it with my wife. 282 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:13,394 BAR RAG: The masterpiece was finished 283 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,437 and so was the use for me. 284 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,356 And then... 285 00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:21,026 (pained moaning) 286 00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,655 You know, Moe, it might be time to buy a new bar rag. 287 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,866 Yeah, yeah, sure thing. I'll get right on it. 288 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:29,660 No way I would abandon you, Raggie. 289 00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:32,371 (sobs) You're my best friend. 290 00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:35,708 ("The Great Pumpkin Waltz" playing) 291 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,255 (contented sigh) 292 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,591 (music continues) 293 00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:47,928 So, I guess you didn't eat that "special cheese" 294 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:49,972 that I gave you yesterday, huh? 295 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,640 (wry chuckle) Yeah. 296 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,195 Oh, Milhouse, 297 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,531 what do I have to do, besides changing in any way, 298 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:08,991 to get you to forgive me? 299 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,536 Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- 300 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,330 Milhousey. 301 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,790 Really? It's not that bad, is it? 302 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,959 (sighs) Bart, you'll never learn. 303 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:23,464 "Milhouse, you're the closest thing I have to a brother. 304 00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:26,550 A brother with the wisdom of an older sister. 305 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:30,137 And that's why we squabble, 'cause families always do. 306 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:33,057 But in the end, they're still a family. 307 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,309 What do you say... brother?" 308 00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:38,854 Not bad. Did Lisa write that? 309 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,023 Yes, I did. Now I'm going to bed. 310 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:42,274 (sucking pacifier) 311 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,861 I want something that comes from you, Bart. We're done here. 312 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,029 But-but-but... 313 00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:49,865 The glasses are off! 314 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:58,624 My degradation continued. 315 00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,709 BAR RAG: An enterprising seamstress 316 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,671 turned me into the flag of a fledgling nation. 317 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:07,383 Unfortunately, a nation on the wrong side of history. 318 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,844 ("Dixie" playing) 319 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,013 (chuckles) 320 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:16,475 BAR RAG: Like everyone else, I was hit hard by the depression. 321 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:17,977 (Southern accent) What's for dinner, Ma? 322 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,104 Rag soup! 323 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,942 (slurping, lips smacking) 324 00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,902 Needs flavor. 325 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,199 Mmm, that's better! 326 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,328 BAR RAG: I was part of an expedition 327 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,455 to the top of Mount Everest, 328 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:41,750 one that had the distinction of failing un-heroically. 329 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,586 (panting) Oxygen... 330 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,006 I need oxygen! 331 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,008 Come on, man. A few more balloons 332 00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,092 and this'll look really awesome. 333 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,218 D'oh! 334 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:54,138 Worst... climbing... Everest. 335 00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,475 BAR RAG: A yeti found me 336 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:01,311 and brought me home as a present to his son. 337 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,313 Ah, ah! 338 00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,773 Mmm... 339 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:09,695 (sighs) And now my thousand-year fall from grace is complete. 340 00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:13,657 I guess I should be happy here, with my sad, but predictable... 341 00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,534 Moe! Moe! Wake up! 342 00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:19,329 Oh no, I don't want to find out what's worse than you! 343 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:25,919 BART: Milhouse! 344 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:27,713 I've been out here all night, man. 345 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:30,007 Just let me know what it'll take for you to forgive me. 346 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:32,051 -Can I punch you? -Sure. 347 00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,886 Can I have someone else punch you? 348 00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,220 Sure. What've you got? 349 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,889 Puppy Goo-Goo coming my way? 350 00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:38,182 (snaps) 351 00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:41,977 Ay carumba! 352 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,689 I'm glad it's over. 353 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,317 I wasn't comfortable having the upper hand. 354 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,820 From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize. 355 00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,656 That's all I ever wanted. 356 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,991 Where'd it go? Where'd it go? 357 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,786 Hey, Chief Wiggum! Can you help me find my bar rag? 358 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,789 I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. 359 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:05,334 There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside. 360 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,628 -Hey! Hey! -(tires squealing, gunshots) 361 00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,130 Can you throw me my house key? Please! 362 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:11,799 It's got a green thingy on it! 363 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:12,966 -Stop! -(tires screech) 364 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,176 Ooh! 365 00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:16,804 Hey, there's some Pringles in here. 366 00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,807 -(metal tab pops) -(coughs) Nope. Tear gas. 367 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,266 -(coughing) -(tires squealing) 368 00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,520 Haven't forgotten about your rag, Moe! 369 00:18:24,603 --> 00:18:26,855 I'm in hell, I'm in hell, I'm in hell, 370 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,066 I'm in hell... (grunts) 371 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,781 (wearily) Perhaps one of you garments 372 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,741 would like to narrate for a while. 373 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:40,119 Men's extra large underwear? 374 00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:41,954 I'm saving my strength. 375 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,706 He's going bike riding today. 376 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,291 (humming) 377 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,752 -(doorbell rings) -Come on in! 378 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,799 You've got my rag! But how? 379 00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,592 Well, during the town meeting, 380 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,427 which now seems like years ago, 381 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,638 I forgot my purse at your bar. 382 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:02,307 MARGE: And when I came back to get it, 383 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,810 I saw how much you love that rag. 384 00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:08,188 Num-num-num-num-num-num. 385 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,732 MARGE: It seemed a little "ripe," 386 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,110 so I brought it home to clean it for you. 387 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,153 Thanks, Marge. 388 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,072 That rag is my only friend in the world. 389 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,158 Well, that's not true! 390 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,493 Everyone in this family is your friend. 391 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,704 Your bar is the closest thing this town has 392 00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:25,539 to an Algonquin roundtable. 393 00:19:25,622 --> 00:19:28,917 What about that Round Table Pizza run by that Algonquin guy? 394 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,253 Yeah, yeah, okay, second closest. 395 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,131 So you's all like me? Even you, Maestro? 396 00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:35,174 Milhouse. 397 00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,717 Yeah, I, I knew it was something stupid. 398 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,052 Well, thanks, everybody. 399 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:42,055 I... I'm always gonna remember today as the day 400 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,766 that I learned to open my heart to human beings 401 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,810 and not old pieces of cloth. 402 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:51,607 Ha, crazy me, thinking I needed a rag for a friend. 403 00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:52,983 (chuckles) 404 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:58,572 So, this is how it ends. 405 00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:01,825 The once magnificent tapestry tossed aside 406 00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,620 yet again like a common Kleenex. 407 00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,122 Good-bye, cruel... What the...? 408 00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,670 In all my years, 409 00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:16,632 this is a love like I have never felt. 410 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,426 Sweet, pure and forever. 411 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:22,137 (sweet melody playing) 412 00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,893 (growling) 413 00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:30,604 BAR RAG: Well, all marriages have their ups and downs. 414 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,490 {\an8}BAR RAG: I'm in hell. 415 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay