1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:03,712
<i>CHOIR:</i>
<i>♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

2
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:06,256
(Ned whimpering)

3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,178
(exclaiming)

4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,060
(school bell ringing)

5
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:22,522
(Barney belches)

6
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,482
(whistle blows)

7
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,776
(yells)

8
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,323
(beeping)

9
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,912
(playing the blues)

10
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,756
D'oh!

11
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:48,965
(tires screeching)

12
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,383
(grunts)

13
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,635
♪♪

14
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,569
D'oh!

15
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,254
So what are we doing here?

16
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:32,050
What, is it the thing where
the family runs in and sits down?

17
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:34,594
That's it?

18
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,889
We flew you in
and put you up for that?

19
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,390
I, I think we're done here.

20
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,433
Paul.

21
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,144
(playing <i>The Simpsons</i>
theme song)

22
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:46,981
(song ends)

23
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,368
{\an8}Lisa Simpson, your actions
have brought devastation

24
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,577
{\an8}upon this town,

25
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:02,163
{\an8}and all because
of your selfish desire

26
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,165
{\an8}to be accepted by others.

27
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,000
{\an8}(gallery murmuring hostilely)

28
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,168
{\an8}Leave her alone.

29
00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,837
{\an8}That's my only
talking daughter.

30
00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:13,508
{\an8}Lethal inject her
on the electric chair.

31
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:17,303
{\an8}Bart, it's okay to say that
at home but not in court.

32
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,472
{\an8}-Take it back.
-Withdrawn.

33
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:24,435
{\an8}Now, Lisa, tell your side of
the story, and use your big voice.

34
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{\an8}Well, it all started
a couple of months ago.

35
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:27,939
{\an8}Your Honor,
I'd like to request

36
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:30,733
{\an8}that everyone in the court
picture in their minds

37
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,443
{\an8}what the witness
is describing.

38
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,654
{\an8}I'll allow it,
but no flights of fancy.

39
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{\an8}<i>LISA:</i>
<i>Like all too many stories</i>

40
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:40,326
{\an8}<i>about my family, it began with</i>
<i>somebody watching television.</i>

41
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,120
{\an8}Well, McBain,
you certainly picked

42
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,622
{\an8}a bad time to come
out of retirement.

43
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{\an8}I hope you have
a COBRA plan.

44
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,668
{\an8}(hisses)

45
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:53,089
{\an8}You are suffering from
a reptile dysfunction.

46
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,925
{\an8}HOMER:
(groaning) Down in front.

47
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,219
{\an8}Damn it,
why do kids have heads?

48
00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:01,764
{\an8}Homie, stop watching the movie
in the other people's car.

49
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:04,934
{\an8}Oh, but I'm invested
in the characters.

50
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,812
{\an8}You'll miss the turnoff
to the fancy new mall.

51
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,272
{\an8}I make my own turnoffs.

52
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{\an8}(tires screeching)

53
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,694
{\an8}And that, kids,
is how you stick it

54
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,780
{\an8}to the Towne Centre Real Estate
Investment Trust.

55
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,616
{\an8}No, no, no.

56
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:20,700
{\an8}Whoo-hoo!

57
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{\an8}(tires screech)

58
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,912
{\an8}Someone thinks we're leaving.

59
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:24,954
{\an8}I'll wave them off.

60
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,373
{\an8}No, no, no, no, let's see how
long we can keep 'em waiting.

61
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,292
{\an8}Everyone act like
we're buckling up to go home.

62
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,377
{\an8}-(laughs)
-Homie.

63
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,879
{\an8}Marge, if you were
married to Da Vinci,

64
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,380
{\an8}you wouldn't tell him
not to Da Vinch.

65
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,882
{\an8}(groans)

66
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,236
{\an8}Damn it,
are you leaving or not?!

67
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,612
{\an8}Leaving?

68
00:03:57,695 --> 00:03:59,739
{\an8}Why on earth
would you think that?

69
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,074
{\an8}(roars)

70
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,660
{\an8}(all laughing)

71
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,621
{\an8}We totally wasted his time.

72
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,665
{\an8}And ours.
(laughs)

73
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,337
{\an8}This place is so great.

74
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,506
{\an8}When the trolley hits you,
it doesn't even hurt.

75
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,883
{\an8}(bell ringing, Homer giggling)

76
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,389
{\an8}You try it, Maggie.

77
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:26,349
{\an8}(bell ringing, Maggie giggling)

78
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:30,687
{\an8}Ooh, condos.

79
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,272
{\an8}Lenny, do you live here?

80
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,523
{\an8}Yeah, I just moved in.

81
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,775
{\an8}I have a Drippin' Dots
for breakfast every morning;

82
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:38,027
{\an8}at lunch, I get a massage
in front of strangers;

83
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,780
{\an8}and then I spend the afternoon
browsing cell phone skins.

84
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,115
{\an8}Ever get tired
of those dancing waters?

85
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:45,827
{\an8}<i>(Strauss' "The Blue Danube" playing)</i>

86
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,454
{\an8}The day I moved in.

87
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,123
{\an8}So what are we all going
to do together?

88
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:54,961
{\an8}Actually, we just came to do
some shopping as a family.

89
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,254
{\an8}Oh, no worries.

90
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,924
{\an8}Mr. Mall can make
his own excitement.

91
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,927
{\an8}Give me one doll
from every time period,

92
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,138
{\an8}and set me up for a tea party
in a private room.

93
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,224
{\an8}Lenny, you asked me to stop you
from coming back in here.

94
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,976
{\an8}Let me help you.

95
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,563
{\an8}You can help me by giving me
Ellis Island Emily.

96
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,898
{\an8}Hi, dear, I'm your Uncle Lenny.

97
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,942
{\an8}I'm going to buy you
an all-new wardrobe,

98
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,902
{\an8}fix your teeth,
send you to the best schools,

99
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,988
{\an8}and you're going to hate
and resent me for it

100
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:24,324
{\an8}'cause you're an American now.

101
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,911
I was hanging on to these
gift cards as investments,

102
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,247
but then half the companies
went out of business.

103
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,124
Better sort those out.

104
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,587
{\an8}(applause)

105
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,340
{\an8}CROWD:
Aw...

106
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,264
{\an8}(loud applause)

107
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,183
{\an8}CROWD:
Aw...

108
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,186
(grunts nervously)

109
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:55,396
D'oh!
Do-over.

110
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,647
Hmm.

111
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:57,815
Whoo-hoo!

112
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,945
Unspool it into my mouth

113
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,823
till that card
is at zero.

114
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,575
Draw the curtain.

115
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:16,542
(Bart humming)

116
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,336
Sir, as a complexion
scientist,

117
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,797
I must advise you
against using any more.

118
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,091
This is the most powerful
hydrator we sell.

119
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,468
Less blathering, more slathering.

120
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:26,636
(grunts happily)

121
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,012
(laughs)

122
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:30,890
-(laughing)
-Hey!

123
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:31,974
Watch it!

124
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,643
Yo, Bart dude.

125
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:34,852
Can I get a ride
to the food court?

126
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,229
Hop on.

127
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:38,856
(laughing)
Ho-ho!

128
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,942
(grunts)

129
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,783
Hmm.

130
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,618
I kind of want to
create my own thing.

131
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:52,954
Do you sell
any just plain sets?

132
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,081
No.
We do all the imagining for you.

133
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,916
(sighs)
Well, I'll just buy one of these

134
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,209
and build something
different.

135
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,962
You do and you'd better
build yourself a lawyer.

136
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:04,132
<i>LAWYER: Miss Simpson,</i>
<i>does the court really need to hear</i>

137
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,758
everything that happened

138
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:08,302
in every store
your family visited?

139
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:12,098
Trust me, I've left a lot out
and cleaned up the swears.

140
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,100
Anyway,
I ran into some schoolmates

141
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:15,601
and thought they
might be friendly.

142
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,896
That's what kids do, right,
hang out at the mall together?

143
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:19,981
But when I went over...

144
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:22,567
Hi, guys,
what are you doing?

145
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,820
Duh, having feathers
woven into our hair.

146
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,239
<i>LISA'S BRAIN: Those girls</i>
<i>are snotty and shallow.</i>

147
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:29,574
<i>Tell them off.</i>

148
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,409
Can I join you?

149
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,994
(Lisa's brain groans)

150
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:36,164
Lisa, how can we put this?

151
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,500
You're the reason no one wears
Silly Bandz anymore.

152
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:42,336
Wha...?
They, they don't?

153
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,504
(gasps)

154
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,673
(grunts)
What the...?

155
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:47,175
(sighs sadly)

156
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,843
(moans)

157
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,386
Enough.

158
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,266
I don't trust this place.

159
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,018
Where are the cashiers?

160
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,187
Huh? Oh.

161
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,272
Huh?
Oh.

162
00:08:01,355 --> 00:08:03,941
Yeah, the lightest,
most desirable computer

163
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:08,279
in the world for the next
three weeks: the Mapple Void.

164
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,993
I'll take it,
provided you charge me

165
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,829
for services
that Google offers for free.

166
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,332
-I already have.
-Sweet.

167
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:23,044
This computer is so great.

168
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,004
I'm watching the latest
Sofia Coppola movie

169
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,382
at 20x speed to make it seem
like a normal movie.

170
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:29,926
I think it just froze.

171
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:33,262
Oh, no, no,
that bird just moved.

172
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,432
Uh-oh, a draggy backpack.

173
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,684
I have no friends.

174
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,313
Aw, sweetie, hey,
why don't you make friends

175
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,606
with my new computer?

176
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,650
-Okay.
-Let me just finish downloading

177
00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,276
the complete works
of Shakespeare.

178
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:51,197
(humming)

179
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,615
(sneaky chuckle)

180
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:55,785
Now who's the greatest writer
of all time?

181
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,290
I'd have more friends
if I knew what people liked,

182
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,960
but I won't know what people like
unless I'm their friend.

183
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,461
It's a conundrum.

184
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,171
Helpful hint:
If you want friends,

185
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,257
don't use words like "conundrum."

186
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,424
(phone rings)

187
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,385
<i>-JIMBO: Co-what-drum?</i>
-Jimbo heard me say it.

188
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:13,469
I'm dead.

189
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,396
Hmm.

190
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,822
It's easier to be friends
with lots of people online

191
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,991
than one person in person.

192
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,159
What if I started
an online meeting place

193
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:41,622
where all are equal
and I am the undisputed center?

194
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:44,166
(both grunting)

195
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,877
How's this for a conundrum?

196
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,254
It's not really a conundrum.

197
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:51,173
Sit at my feet,
and I will elaborate.

198
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,972
So, to summarize, Your Honor,

199
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:02,018
Lisa Simpson created
this "social network"

200
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:05,104
because she had no friends.

201
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:07,523
No, that is not true. I...

202
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,941
May I remind you
you're under oath?

203
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,735
All right already.

204
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:11,861
I had no friends.

205
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:15,698
With a attitude like that,
I wouldn't be her friend.

206
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,534
Life is too dang short.

207
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,621
So, since I had no friends,
I assembled a motley crew

208
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:24,874
of the friendless to help me
construct my social network.

209
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,043
Did we become friends?
No.

210
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,253
(overlapping chatter)

211
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:35,051
As the CEO of SpringFace,
I want you all to have fun

212
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,552
as you write source code

213
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,387
until you fall asleep
at your consoles.

214
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,639
-(all agreeing)
-Delightful.

215
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,267
Here's my favorite
computer game: Angry Nerds.

216
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,186
(squawks)

217
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,646
(all snorting like pigs)

218
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,900
Nelson, is there any way
I could be your friend?

219
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:53,277
The only way
I would be your friend

220
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,988
is if I could click a box
under your picture saying

221
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,574
"Accept friendship request from."

222
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,994
Nelson, you've just given us
the template for our site.

223
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,497
I don't care.

224
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,498
(grunts)

225
00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:07,333
(clatter like bowling pins)

226
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,543
(groans)

227
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,047
If we don't move,
his odds of getting us both

228
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,424
are 374 to one.

229
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,344
Ooh-oo-ooh, ooh.

230
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,596
(grunts)
Bye.

231
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,182
(keyboards clatter)

232
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:24,892
Now, to skip ahead,

233
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:28,104
your diabolical plan
was an instant success.

234
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,356
I never said it was diabolical.

235
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,024
Withdrawn.

236
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,778
This social network
quickly unified

237
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,448
the disparate children
of Springfield Unified.

238
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,535
Oh, I just got invited
to make out with Shauna.

239
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:43,703
See?

240
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,288
That went out to 200 guys.

241
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,540
(groans)

242
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:49,041
And seven girls.

243
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,376
(brightly)
Oh...

244
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,128
Santa's Little Helper's friends

245
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,130
with Snowball Two?

246
00:11:54,213 --> 00:11:55,715
Now I've seen everything.

247
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:59,051
Ha, all my friends
have birthdays this year.

248
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,219
(typing)

249
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,637
(click)

250
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,973
(chuckles)
I just un-friended Skinner

251
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:06,308
Doggone it.
I'm less popular

252
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,144
than the hornet's nest
in the gym.

253
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,229
You said you were
getting rid of that nest.

254
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,690
We trade the honey
for chalk and yardsticks.

255
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:13,649
Hornets make honey?

256
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,943
Better than wasp honey,
not as good as bee.

257
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,695
Is this how
you talk on dates?

258
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,488
I wish my dates
were this interesting.

259
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:21,991
Hit refresh.

260
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,242
-(click)
-Hit refresh.

261
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,244
(gasps)
I have a thousand friends.

262
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,496
And only eight
of them are Milhouse.

263
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,998
A thousand kids?

264
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:31,125
If you could get each of them
to send you a dollar,

265
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,251
you'd be a millionaire.

266
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,962
Well, it's not just
kids using SpringFace,

267
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,423
it's moms like me, Marge.

268
00:12:37,506 --> 00:12:40,050
Wait a minute,
grown-ups are on this?

269
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,677
Yeah, look.

270
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,894
We've got to thank you, kiddo.

271
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,521
We've gotten so much more
action since we signed up

272
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,273
and used this picture
of ourselves.

273
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,524
(raspy chuckling)

274
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,859
-That's not you.
-You can see

275
00:12:56,942 --> 00:13:00,279
our reflection
in the sunglasses.

276
00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,114
(chuckling)

277
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,701
Wow, I've created something
incredibly popular.

278
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,119
And I've created something

279
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,371
that created something
incredibly popular.

280
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,332
And I created
an alcoholic hippo.

281
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,875
You never showed it to me.

282
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,002
A stupid alcoholic hippo.

283
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,630
-I still want to see it.
-There is no hippo.

284
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:18,923
Then why did you say it?

285
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,800
'Cause you're the hippo.

286
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,009
Are you just saying that

287
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,511
'cause you don't want me
to see the hippo?

288
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:25,638
I don't have a hippo!

289
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:32,269
And so, this so-called
"SpringFace"

290
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,980
spread from the world
of children to adults.

291
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,942
Man, this Web site
makes talking drunk

292
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,069
to my wife so much safer.

293
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:42,738
I am sitting here...

294
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,282
zero sheets to the wind...

295
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,909
(sneaky chuckle)

296
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:49,245
<i>HOMER: ...counting the moments</i>
<i>to closing time</i>

297
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,413
<i>when I can stumble home to you.</i>

298
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,082
<i>Another round, Moe.</i>

299
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,750
<i>Uh-oh, did I type that?</i>

300
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,418
<i>Delete! Delete!</i>

301
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,088
<i>Hmm, typing "delete"</i>
<i>does not delete.</i>

302
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,339
(puzzled groan)

303
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:04,301
It is gratifying to see
all of you bowing in prayer,

304
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:07,972
the light of God
shining on your faces.

305
00:14:08,055 --> 00:14:12,059
Uh-oh, Bernice Hibbert keeps
"liking" Bumblebee Man's posts.

306
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,020
That's how it starts.
Tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk-tsk.

307
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,232
Why did I make this church
a Wi-Fi hotspot?

308
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,026
(groans)
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

309
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:24,113
Let's see, which Muppet am I?

310
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,489
Beaker?

311
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:27,116
Hm, I guess that's fair.

312
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,993
Friend, friend,

313
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:31,161
awaiting reply, friend...

314
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,454
Sherri? Terri?

315
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,831
Hopscotch?

316
00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:35,708
Double Dutch?
Ringolivio?

317
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:38,335
Anyone?

318
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,132
Oh, I have a thousand friends,

319
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:45,009
and I feel more alone than ever.

320
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:46,260
Whee!

321
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,429
I am trying
to set a mood here.

322
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,805
(somberly)
Whee.

323
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,724
So, to sum up,

324
00:14:51,807 --> 00:14:53,392
Lisa's social network

325
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:56,270
turned into the biggest
Internet failure since...

326
00:14:56,353 --> 00:14:58,397
(chuckles)
Well, there've been so many.

327
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,065
"Ask Jeeves," anyone?

328
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,860
(raucous laughter)

329
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:15,414
(horse neighs)

330
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:25,174
And so SpringFace became
too big to control,

331
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:28,677
just like the 60-foot baby
in my self-published novel,

332
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,012
<i>The 60 Ft. Baby.</i>

333
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:32,222
Order it online now,
while you can still cheat

334
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,058
the government on sales tax.

335
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,518
(clears throat)
As I was saying,

336
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,688
SpringFace was used
in ways I never expected.

337
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,440
(typing)

338
00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,943
(video game gunfire)

339
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,946
Thanks for SpringFacing me
your head cleaver, Bart.

340
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:48,906
(screaming)

341
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,699
(magazine reloading)

342
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,700
(gunfire)

343
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,285
(screaming)

344
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,871
Check this out: I'm hiding
a bomb in this pile of corpses,

345
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,665
so when Kearney
loots their ammo,

346
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,750
he gets a face full
of ass shrapnel.

347
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,168
(explosion)

348
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,045
Damn, I got ass-shrapped!

349
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,380
(groans)

350
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:07,883
(tires squealing)

351
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,176
What the...?!

352
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,095
That idiot cut me off.

353
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:12,596
(camera clicks)
I'm gonna run his plates,

354
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,225
find out who he is, then change
his SpringFace profile picture

355
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,810
to a shot of a monkey.

356
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,228
(chuckles)
Get that, Marge?

357
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,771
A monkey!

358
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:22,982
-Homer, watch the road.
-Right.

359
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:26,026
Status update: Homer...
is... watching... the...

360
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:26,986
(shrieks)

361
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,737
(tires screeching, thud)

362
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,155
(tires squealing, crashing)

363
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:32,074
(metal crunching)

364
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,243
(trolley bell dings)

365
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,203
Dislike! Dislike!

366
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,414
-(thud)
-(sirens wail)

367
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,336
(sirens wailing,
tires squealing)

368
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,880
(tires screeching,
cars crashing, glass shattering)

369
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:48,924
Somebody call 911!

370
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,510
I don't know how to use
the phone on my phone.

371
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:55,139
Hey, did you guys get
my picture of the fire?

372
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,348
Yeah, I did;
nice grab.

373
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,934
-I didn't get it yet.
-Yeah, funny how that works.

374
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,021
Lisa Simpson,
can you give us any reason

375
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:05,607
why the city should not force
you to shut down your site?

376
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,986
I know it's awful and insular

377
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:12,364
and caused 35 deaths,
but I had friends.

378
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,616
Four digits of friends!

379
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,286
I had a friend in common
with Malcolm Gladwell.

380
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,121
He friends everybody.

381
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,540
Fine.
I'll shut down the site.

382
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:28,547
<i>♪ When you were here before ♪</i>

383
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,008
<i>♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪</i>

384
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:33,302
Time to get a life.

385
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:40,392
<i>♪ You're just like an angel ♪</i>

386
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,687
<i>♪ Your skin makes me cry ♪</i>

387
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,065
(imitating guns firing)

388
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,108
We don't need your
crummy website.

389
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:49,943
We can make
anything into guns.

390
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,528
(imitating guns shooting)

391
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:55,157
JANEY:
Lisa. Lisa!

392
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,534
Want to play Marco Polo
with us?

393
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,745
We just realized you don't
have to play in a pool.

394
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,080
You really want me?

395
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:03,582
(sarcastically)
No. We want your Dad.

396
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:06,335
Marco.
Come on, Lisa.

397
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,673
-Polo!
-Fish out of water.

398
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,843
(laughter)

399
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:23,268
{\an8}<i>♪ When you were here before ♪</i>

400
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:28,107
{\an8}<i>♪ Couldn't look you in the eye ♪</i>

401
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:33,946
{\an8}<i>♪ You're just like an angel ♪</i>

402
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,326
Hey, Winklevosses.

403
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:41,578
You're gonna lose yet again.

404
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,914
You should see
the expression on your faces.

405
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:45,290
Oh, wait, you can.

406
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,084
They're fat, they smoke,

407
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,877
they started
training a week ago.

408
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,170
Why can't we pull away?

409
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:51,922
Because we can't
stop concentrating

410
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,924
on that $65 million
Facebook settlement,

411
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:55,551
which somehow wasn't
enough for us.

412
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,469
Even though we were rich
in the first place.

413
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,430
(grunts)
So long, you big babies!

414
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,307
Hope you like
the taste of silver!

415
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,810
Help us, Larry Summers!

416
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:07,437
Come on, Wonder twin!

417
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,565
Pull!

418
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:22,244
<i>NARRATOR: And now, for a Simpsons</i>
<i>"Show's Too Short" story.</i>

419
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,913
(thunderclap, bat screeching)

420
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,167
<i>Once there was</i>
<i>a young rascal named Bart.</i>

421
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:32,671
<i>This lad was trouble</i>
<i>from the very start.</i>

422
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:38,427
<i>When it came to mischief,</i>
<i>he had a black thumb.</i>

423
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:42,264
<i>It didn't hurt</i>
<i>that his daddy was dumb.</i>

424
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,933
<i>And when it came</i>
<i>to best friends,</i>

425
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,768
<i>it was Milhouse who picked him.</i>

426
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:52,524
<i>Sometimes the sidekick,</i>
<i>sometimes the victim.</i>

427
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:56,695
<i>Then one day</i>
<i>at school engulfed in ennui,</i>

428
00:19:56,778 --> 00:20:00,616
<i>Bart dreamed of wrapping</i>
<i>the place in T.P.</i>

429
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,036
<i>So off to the discount store</i>
<i>they did skulk.</i>

430
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,789
<i>With the evil intent</i>
<i>of buying in bulk.</i>

431
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:11,210
<i>They went to the school</i>
<i>and put up a ladder.</i>

432
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:14,546
<i>Only to wait</i>
<i>for Milhouse's bladder.</i>

433
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:20,552
<i>All that evening</i>
<i>they unfurled with delight.</i>

434
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,889
<i>And soon the school</i>
<i>was covered in white.</i>

435
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:27,392
<i>The mischievous boys</i>
<i>had done their best.</i>

436
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,978
<i>When an eagle approached,</i>
<i>needing a nest.</i>

437
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,858
<i>They tried to escape</i>
<i>with struggles and squirms.</i>

438
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:39,446
<i>But all they got</i>
<i>was a diet of worms.</i>

439
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:42,824
<i>There they remained</i>
<i>to this very day.</i>

440
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,744
So now you know,
pranks do not pay.

441
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:48,288
Simpson!

442
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:57,965
{\an8}<i>(The Simpsons</i> theme
performed by The Tiger Lillies)

443
00:21:31,707 --> 00:21:33,750
-(song ends)
-Shh!

444
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:40,007
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay