1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,295 CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,214 The Simpsons? Wha...! 3 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,220 (exclaiming) 4 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,810 (school bell ringing) 5 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,480 (Barney belches) 6 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:24,190 (whistle blows) 7 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,317 (yells) 8 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,865 (beeping) 9 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:38,038 (playing the blues) 10 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:45,045 (tires screeching) 11 00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:47,797 D'oh! 12 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,132 (tires screeching) 13 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,097 Beer! 14 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,349 (assorted cartoon sound effects) 15 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:02,353 God, I love to watch that woman get beer. 16 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,782 -(fart) -(laughing) 17 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:15,450 You little...! 18 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,368 (blubbering) 19 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:18,745 D'oh! 20 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:21,998 (contented blubbering) 21 00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:38,723 {\an8}They always come up with such catchy ways 22 00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:40,850 {\an8}to make us pay for things we don't need 23 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,186 {\an8}for kids we didn't want. 24 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:53,238 {\an8}Wow-- the gym ropes are seaweed, 25 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:56,574 {\an8}the basketball nets are fishing nets... 26 00:01:57,742 --> 00:01:59,244 {\an8}Yarr! Just plastic. 27 00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:02,247 {\an8}Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean. 28 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:05,583 {\an8}Buy a Springfield Elementary T-shirt? 29 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,586 {\an8}I don't want people to know my kids go to this lousy school. 30 00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,673 {\an8}We also have T-shirts from other schools. 31 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:15,552 {\an8}Ooh! We can wear those to the nice mall. 32 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,888 {\an8}(grunting) 33 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,727 {\an8}And now it's time for lights, camera, auction! (chuckles) 34 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,271 {\an8}No cameras. 35 00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:28,398 {\an8}Ooh, first item up for bid is always a favorite, 36 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,858 {\an8}lunch with Principal Skinner. 37 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:34,112 {\an8}I'll just leave the food on your doorstep and ring the bell. 38 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,447 {\an8}Moving on. 39 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,199 {\an8}Next up for auction is this wonderful bench 40 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,119 {\an8}hand-crafted by our second-grade class. 41 00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:42,370 {\an8}Don't buy it. 42 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,039 {\an8}I bought one last year and it was crap construction. 43 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,207 {\an8}Shh. 44 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,376 {\an8}Do I hear $50? 45 00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:51,546 {\an8}Paddles down. 46 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,590 {\an8}It's the only way to change the system. 47 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:56,301 {\an8}(phone ringing) 48 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,886 {\an8}Hello? 49 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,262 {\an8}Calling from England? 50 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,097 {\an8}Certainly I can put you on speakerphone. 51 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,850 {\an8}BART (British lady's voice): I am Edith Knickertwist, 52 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,143 {\an8}an eccentric widow. 53 00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:08,605 {\an8}For this masterpiece, I bid 54 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,690 {\an8}$1,000. 55 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:12,650 {\an8}-(all gasping) -Sold. 56 00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,111 {\an8}To the mysterious and unverified Mrs. Knickertwist. 57 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,030 {\an8}Next item: our school band will play 58 00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,948 {\an8}at a function of your choice. 59 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,367 {\an8}I bid $4,000. 60 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,453 {\an8}Well, it looks like our model solar-system 61 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,038 {\an8}will finally get an Earth. 62 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,254 {\an8}And that concludes tonight's auction, 63 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:38,343 {\an8}which has raised a school record $116,000. 64 00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,677 {\an8}(cheering) 65 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,304 {\an8}And our windfall is all thanks 66 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,932 {\an8}to our dear new friend on the phone-- 67 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,934 {\an8}'Allo, luvs! 68 00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:49,187 {\an8}Mm. I've got a bad feeling about this. 69 00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,813 {\an8}I'm Mrs. Knickertwist. 70 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:54,275 {\an8}And I've had a proper hardy-har at your expense. 71 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:55,777 {\an8}(laughs) 72 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:59,447 {\an8}Why do I believe everything I hear in a British accent? 73 00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:04,118 {\an8}He has thrust upon us the motley of the tomfool. 74 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,703 {\an8}I wore this all night for nothing? 75 00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:07,997 {\an8}(groans) 76 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,082 {\an8}(angry muttering) 77 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,587 {\an8}Mr. Simpson, I know you're not one of our wealthier parents, 78 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,090 {\an8}but surely you'll honor your son's enormous debt. 79 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:18,508 {\an8}Why, of course. 80 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,970 {\an8}Even if I don't have a legal obligation to pay, 81 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,097 {\an8}it's clearly the right thing to do. 82 00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:27,141 Here's $1,000, 83 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:31,104 $2,000, $3,000... 84 00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,064 Oh, I need more cash. 85 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:35,233 Better go to my invisible ATM. 86 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,402 (humming tune) 87 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:40,071 What? Two dollar charge for non-network bank? 88 00:04:40,154 --> 00:04:42,198 -Oh! -(dejected): Oh. 89 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,033 CHALMERS: Skin-ner! 90 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,535 Yes, sir? 91 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:48,288 I was very pleased with your work last night. 92 00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,498 -Really? -Nope. Fooled again. 93 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,000 I'd say you were dumb as a post, 94 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,085 but at least you can put a sign on a post 95 00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:56,421 that says "fresh strawberries-- one mile." 96 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,923 You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit. 97 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,883 I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered. 98 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,218 I'm sorry, what did you say? 99 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,387 I said, I'm lop-shouldered. 100 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,931 And I have been since I was hung by my armpits 101 00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,558 in a North Vietnamese prison. 102 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,560 I... I didn't know that. 103 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,520 Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill 104 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:14,188 a week's worth of morning announcements, 105 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,399 with enough left over for a send-home flyer. 106 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,860 There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour. 107 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,528 If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, 108 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:21,988 why don't you do it yourself? 109 00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,906 (cheering) 110 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,616 You tell him, Seymour. 111 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,286 As some guy said to some dude with a beard, 112 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,246 "Death to tyrants." 113 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,873 You mean Booth and Lincoln? 114 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:34,584 I'm not the history teacher. 115 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,127 Anymore. 116 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:39,881 Fine. I will personally take over Bart Simpson's education-- 117 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:43,468 and for once, that boy is going to learn something. 118 00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,637 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm expecting an important call 119 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:49,891 and cell phone coverage in here is, uh, spotty. 120 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,686 Oh, nicely done, Seymour. 121 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,439 I guess there's some stones in your leaf bag after all. 122 00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,191 While I'm on a roll, I'm gonna call 123 00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,442 that carpet cleaning service 124 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,320 and tell them our hallway doesn't count as a room. 125 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,657 Hello, is André there? 126 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,243 Oh, yes, I'll hold. 127 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:15,083 I know I can superintend-- superintend like the wind-- 128 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,835 but teach? It's been years. 129 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:21,672 And we both know how that went, don't we, Gary? 130 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:26,636 So, you are the so-called Breakfast Club. 131 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,597 Wrong room. We're the Fight Club. 132 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,058 ♪ Don't you ♪ 133 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:35,561 ♪ Forget about me ♪ 134 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,730 ♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪ 135 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,108 ♪ Don't you... ♪ 136 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:43,319 Thank God they never went on to do anything since. 137 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:48,324 So, Simpson, you'll be studying with me now. 138 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,493 Same garbage, different Dumpster. 139 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:54,080 We'll start with American history. 140 00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,332 Now, I'm sure you know who these gentlemen are. 141 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,210 {\an8}BART: Dollar bill guy, five dollar bill guy, 142 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:02,171 {\an8}sex guy, Will Ferrell, black guy. 143 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,506 (sighs) 144 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:09,887 Bart, what if I told you there was a president 145 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,848 who was an actual cowboy? 146 00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,350 I'd act like I'm interested, but inside I'd be bored. 147 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,936 That's as good a place to start as any. 148 00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,938 {\an8}THEODORE ROOSEVELT: ...great fundamental issue 149 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,107 {\an8}now before our people... 150 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:25,778 ...can be stated briefly. 151 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,948 It is, are the American people fit to govern themselves, 152 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,200 to rule themselves, to control themselves. 153 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,621 I believe they are. My opponents do not. 154 00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:38,666 Hey, this Roosevelt guy was sort of interesting. 155 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:41,002 Did you know he was a colonel in the army? 156 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,837 You don't say. 157 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,048 And one time, during a speech, he was shot by a saloon-keeper, 158 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:49,719 but Teddy finished his speech before heading to the hospital. 159 00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:52,930 Aha! I'm mad at you for some reason. 160 00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:04,942 (people chanting) Teddy, Teddy, Teddy... 161 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:08,654 I've never said this before, but I'd like to learn more. 162 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,500 {\an8}Man, Teddy Roosevelt killed more Spaniards in one day 163 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,710 {\an8}than most people do in their whole lives. 164 00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:24,837 You know, I hate to say this, Bart, 165 00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,048 but the library is about to close. 166 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:30,384 Really? I wanted to learn more about trust busting. 167 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,136 Take that, Standard Oil. 168 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,305 Tomorrow, son. Tomorrow. 169 00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,182 Well, I've learned a lot today. 170 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:39,268 Now, to go home and let TV slowly rot it all away. 171 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,062 Eh-eh-eh. Not so fast. 172 00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:43,606 Teddy Roosevelt believed you could learn from books. 173 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,608 But he also believed you can learn 174 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,985 just as much from the out-of-doors. 175 00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:50,738 I thought teachers only went outdoors to smoke and cry. 176 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,323 Yes. 177 00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:56,410 Son, have you ever seen a horse your father wasn't betting on? 178 00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:58,579 -No, sir. -Come with me. 179 00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,166 (Chalmers laughing heartily) 180 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,834 (whinnying) 181 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,587 So, Bart, what have you learned so far? 182 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,589 Well, when horses poop, they don't stop. 183 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,424 -They just keep walking. -Yes, yes. 184 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,885 Well, here's another fun fact for you. 185 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,429 All around you is a national park 186 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,140 created by Teddy Roosevelt. 187 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,308 Mm! 188 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,893 Wow! 189 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,271 And here I thought God created all this. 190 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,897 Thanks for setting me straight. 191 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,691 Well, wait, I didn't mean that. 192 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,485 You've filled my head with horse poop and atheism. 193 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,113 And all these years, I thought I was unteachable. 194 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:33,698 Let's stop talking now. 195 00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:38,411 "A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country 196 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,914 is good enough to be given a square deal afterwards." 197 00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,125 Just quoting our 26th president, Lis. 198 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,127 You could use a little T.R. in your life. 199 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,880 Please. I went through my T.R. phase in first grade. 200 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,467 Now I realize that the greatest Roosevelt is Franklin. 201 00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:54,510 Balderdash! 202 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,138 Teddy Roosevelt protected America's wildlife. 203 00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,265 Yeah, so he could shoot it himself. 204 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,933 Franklin Roosevelt led this country 205 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,977 through the Depression and World War II. 206 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,605 -Face on a dime! -Face on a mountain! 207 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:09,317 I hated the "Roosie-velts" and all them family dynasties. 208 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:13,571 The Kennedys, the Bushes, Jon Voight and Angelina Jolie, 209 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:16,991 Mayor Daley and his smart-ass son, The Daily Show. 210 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,076 That's a lot of anger, Grampa. 211 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,037 Well, I like Stephen Colbert, 212 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,080 but that's because I don't get the joke. 213 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,250 And on July 1st, 1898, 214 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:29,045 Colonel Theodore Roosevelt and his band of Rough Riders 215 00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:32,131 charged up San Juan Hill and liberated Cuba. 216 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,842 Cuba si! Castro no! 217 00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:38,387 I love Teddy Roosevelt because he had asthma as a boy. 218 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,806 I love him because he said, "Bully." 219 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:44,060 The dude really knew how to rock some jodhpurs. 220 00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,937 Hey, maybe Chalmers would let you guys sit in on our lessons. 221 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,898 After me, men. 222 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,900 (chanting) Bully-bully-bully-bully-bully! 223 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,945 I'd be glad to have you boys 224 00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,740 join our experiment in manly education. 225 00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:02,078 The fact is, today's modern schools 226 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,913 have completely failed you. 227 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,790 School failed me? 228 00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,668 Does school have to go to summer Jimbo? 229 00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,795 (groans, sighs) Look at him, boys. 230 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:14,423 He is the canary in the coal mine of a dying empire. 231 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,677 You're in my coal mine now, bitches! 232 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,763 Yeah. Boys are falling behind in every subject, 233 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:24,809 because our classrooms are entirely geared towards girls! 234 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:29,188 It's all about feelings, and celebrating differences. 235 00:11:29,271 --> 00:11:32,024 But I loved reading It's Cool to Cry! 236 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,526 Well, it's not cool to cry! 237 00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,194 (sobs) 238 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:37,947 Boys need to explore! Build things! 239 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,700 Wreck those things! And then build them again! 240 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:43,119 Our first lesson begins this Saturday, 241 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,956 with an overnight trip to Springfield Forest. 242 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,875 Legend has it that Teddy Roosevelt visited the forest 243 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:52,878 and lost a pair of his trademark spectacles. 244 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:56,382 This weekend, we set forth in search of those spectacles! 245 00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,883 (all cheer) 246 00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,343 This is all well and good, 247 00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:02,805 but I must know: what are spectacles? 248 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:05,141 Glasses. 249 00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,684 One time, 250 00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,561 I found an old washing machine over there 251 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,979 that still had clothes in it. 252 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:10,980 ALL: Wow. 253 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,857 This place is as beautiful 254 00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:15,735 as the side of a Coors beer can. 255 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,612 The kind my Dad used to leave in the bathtub. 256 00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:21,240 There are no bad fathers in the wilderness, boy. 257 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:22,491 (growls) 258 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:23,659 (grunts) 259 00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:29,206 (owl hoots) 260 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,671 Hmm? 261 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,592 You know, Bart, 262 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:42,428 morning is when I miss my Rosemary the most. 263 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:45,181 She sure looked good in a pair of jammies. 264 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,682 (chuckles) 265 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,020 NELSON: Dinguses! Dinguses! 266 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,855 Huh? 267 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,856 (groans) 268 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,028 I found 'em! Teddy Roosevelt's spectacles! 269 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,363 Ah, nicely done, Muntz! 270 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:04,950 Could this be the moment my life starts to turn around? 271 00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,619 The moment I... (gasps) 272 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,624 Gravity blows! 273 00:13:14,126 --> 00:13:16,962 Gary, you took these boys on an unauthorized field trip, 274 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,464 and look what happened! 275 00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,424 He got some bumps and bruises 276 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,884 and a thistle in his britches. 277 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,469 What is the big deal? 278 00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:26,055 The big deal is I'm gonna sue you! 279 00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,766 Got me one of them "abogados" from the bus ads. 280 00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:31,727 He said he'll only take "veinte por ciento," 281 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,395 whatever that is. 282 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,315 (Spanish accent) You have seen my picture on the side of a bus. 283 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,610 And I am not smiling because I lost the case. 284 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,820 NELSON: Ha-ha! 285 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,240 I'm gonna take you for every peso you got. 286 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:46,575 How did she know we get paid in pesos? 287 00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:51,747 They took my job away, boys. 288 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,463 Where to, boss? 289 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,840 Just drive. 290 00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,466 (tires squeal) 291 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,760 (grunts) 292 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,681 Maybe it is cool to cry. 293 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,350 (sobs softly) 294 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,609 Who can name the three types of rocks? 295 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,528 Bart Simpson? 296 00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:26,115 Chalmers would actually take us out to see the rocks. 297 00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:29,118 You can see the rocks on page 32 of your science book. 298 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,953 My book is missing page 32. 299 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,622 Put your head on the desk and shut your eyes. 300 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,124 My desktop is sticky with soda 301 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,625 from the kid that had it before me. 302 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:37,626 Do as I say! 303 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,546 (groans) 304 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,007 (kids clamoring) 305 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,633 (grunting) 306 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,685 -(grunts) -Stupid fish! 307 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,812 Don't you want to be my din-ner?! 308 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,398 -Hey, Gary. -(sighs) 309 00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:02,735 Simpson, you are looking at a man who was not good enough 310 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:05,404 for the worst public school in America. 311 00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,740 Well, what would Teddy Roosevelt do? 312 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,909 Son, I'm no Teddy Roosevelt. 313 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,660 I'm not even Kermit Roosevelt. 314 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,495 (gasps) 315 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,168 I call this meeting of the Brotherhood of the Spectacles to order. 316 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:22,129 Our mission: to get Chalmers back his job. 317 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,964 ALL: Hear, hear! Hear, hear! 318 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:28,677 Bart, I want to ask you about something I read in a magazine. 319 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,430 Are you boys cyberbullying each other? 320 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,765 How could we be? 321 00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,517 We're all in the same place and we don't have computers. 322 00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,479 Marge, I parented! 323 00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:40,105 That's great, Homie! 324 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,274 Come have some ice cream on a brownie! 325 00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,109 Later, losers. 326 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,361 I'm thinking of something big. 327 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:49,782 So big it involves taking over the entire school... 328 00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:52,993 and not giving it up till Chalmers gets his job back! 329 00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:56,205 (sighs) Bart, your mother thinks there's something suspicious 330 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,582 about all you boys having a meeting in this tree house. 331 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:01,085 Well, Dad, since you are taking an interest in us, 332 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:02,503 maybe I should tell you... 333 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,880 Oh! Marge, my ice cream's melting 334 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,216 and I haven't finished my brownie! 335 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,176 Come in and get some more! 336 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,178 You guys need to get a woman. 337 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,600 So, I'm considering taking drugs. 338 00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:20,062 Would the school advise for or against that? 339 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,563 Oh, strongly against! 340 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,107 Would you like to read this pamphlet? 341 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,109 Hmm... 342 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,195 Uh, well, would you read it with me? 343 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,489 (giggles) Oh! 344 00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:34,159 You see, this boy took drugs and his scores suffered. 345 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,869 (chuckles) Yeah... 346 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,379 (snoring) 347 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:48,173 There's a car with its lights on 348 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,134 in the teachers' lot. 349 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:51,176 (gasps) 350 00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:56,181 Late-'90s model, coffee stains on front seat, 351 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,600 stacks of résumés in backseat. 352 00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,531 Bart, what are you doing? 353 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,034 Taking over the school with all the kids inside. 354 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,202 What?! I'm telling Mom. 355 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,788 Great. You can call her from the closet phone. 356 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,081 Hello, Mom? 357 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,292 You won't believe what Bart's doing. 358 00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,127 There really is a phone in there? 359 00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:28,964 (scoffs) So immature. 360 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:32,760 Yo, teachwads! 361 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,511 The Brotherhood of the Spectacles has 362 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,763 taken over the school! 363 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,389 Oh, no, please. 364 00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,183 Don't make us start our weekend early. 365 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:40,476 Our paychecks are in there. 366 00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:42,186 (screams) 367 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,772 Why didn't I sign up for direct deposit?! 368 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,693 Bart, open this door now, 369 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,112 or I will jiggle the handle indefinitely! 370 00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,073 Suit yourself. We all rubbed it with boogers. 371 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,574 Damn! 372 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,409 Willie, break it down. 373 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:04,958 NELSON: Not so fast! 374 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,461 Back it up or the photocopier eats it! 375 00:18:07,544 --> 00:18:09,129 (gasps) Oh, my God! 376 00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,964 We've got a 30-year mortgage on that photocopier! 377 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,050 Willie, stay your tractor! 378 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:16,553 Ye can't just turn her on and off like that! 379 00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:18,514 (engine stops) 380 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:19,807 Oh, I guess you can. 381 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,308 Okay, we gotta stay focused: 382 00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,310 Jimbo, gather all the students in the gym. 383 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,813 Milhouse, take a nap. You know how cranky you get. 384 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,064 I do not! 385 00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,358 (siren whoops) 386 00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:32,528 (tires screech) 387 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,366 MAN (over P.A.): Watch Hannity tonight at 8:00. 388 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,869 Dog Day After School?! 389 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:43,539 This is Kent Brockman outside Springfield Elementary 390 00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,916 with the parents of lockdown leader Bart Simpson. 391 00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,001 He's not a bad boy. 392 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,462 He had a teacher who finally got through to him, 393 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:51,839 and they fired him. 394 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,340 HOMER: Are you covering me up?! 395 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:54,883 Yes, I'm afraid we are. 396 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,635 The least I can get out of this whole nightmare 397 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,428 is some face time on the local news. 398 00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:00,848 It's kind of my way of sending a Christmas card. 399 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,266 Happy Holidays, everyone! 400 00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:03,433 Family's fine! 401 00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,936 Dude, you better see this. 402 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,023 Attention, Brotherhood of the Spectacles: 403 00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:13,110 you are ordered to immediately evacuate the school, 404 00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,612 and then return to school where you belong. 405 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:18,282 I need to know that Chalmers will be taken care of! 406 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,742 We don't negotiate with terrorists! 407 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,162 Or the people that supply our uniforms and weapons. 408 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,955 We just pay whatever they say. 409 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:26,832 Let me talk to the boy! 410 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,500 (grunts) 411 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:31,170 It's time for you to stand down, son. 412 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,255 When I met you, you were nothing more 413 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,424 than a thick file of infractions. 414 00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:39,678 Now I see a young man I'm proud to call my disciplinary problem. 415 00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:42,556 Thanks. But these Rough Riders aren't dismounting 416 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,016 until you get your job back. 417 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,684 What do you think, Chief? 418 00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,686 Can we take the building without hurting anybody? 419 00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,688 Well, if a group of Muppets can take Manhattan... 420 00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,231 -(gun fires) -Aah! Aah! 421 00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,859 -Job restored! -Increase in title? 422 00:19:53,942 --> 00:19:55,944 Fine, fine. You're super-duper-intendent. 423 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,071 That's all I ever wanted. 424 00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,531 No hard feelings? 425 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:02,201 Nothing but hard feelings, Seymour. 426 00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:05,621 (kids cheering) 427 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,376 It's beautiful, man! 428 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,378 It's beautiful! 429 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:14,463 Oh, my God. 430 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,715 Milhouse, did you take your nap? 431 00:20:16,798 --> 00:20:18,800 Does it look like I took my nap? 432 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:21,053 (laughs crazily) 433 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,889 BART: Ay, caramba! 434 00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:27,392 Sir, of all the books and movies about Teddy Roosevelt, 435 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,144 which would you say is the most informative? 436 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,189 -No question: Night at the Museum. -One or two? 437 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,024 Take your pick, you can't go wrong. 438 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,740 -(murmuring) -Shh! 439 00:21:26,618 --> 00:21:29,955 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay