1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,419 Good evening. 2 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,005 Tonight, we reveal to you the fate of Nedna. 3 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,924 I have devoted my summer to a more meaningful task: 4 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,927 savaging Mr. Popper's Penguins online. 5 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,054 Anyway, the answer to Ned and Edna 6 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,473 is carefully hidden in tonight's episode, 7 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:18,351 like a bread crumb lodged inside my stomach crease. 8 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,644 Enjoy. 9 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:22,522 ("Walking on the Moon" by The Police playing) 10 00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:24,315 Whoa! 11 00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:29,529 (gasps) 12 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:30,530 (grumbles) 13 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,198 (gasps) 14 00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:34,534 What the...? 15 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,369 Aha! 16 00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,163 (tires screech) 17 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:41,124 ♪ Quiet steps are what I take ♪ 18 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,376 ♪ Sneaking in at noon ♪ 19 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:47,172 ♪ Just in time for my lunch break ♪ 20 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:50,216 ♪ Got my fork and spoon ♪ 21 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:53,136 ♪ Time the cameras just right ♪ 22 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,471 ♪ Duck in the bathroom ♪ 23 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,473 BARNEY: Hi, Homer! 24 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,225 ♪ I'm still drunk from last night ♪ 25 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:00,894 ♪ Got driven home ♪ 26 00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:04,731 ♪ I don't know by whom ♪ 27 00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,525 ♪ Some may say ♪ 28 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:08,985 (horn honks) 29 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:12,405 ♪ I don't deserve any pay ♪ 30 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,408 ♪ But hey ♪ 31 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,995 ♪ I came up with '60s Day ♪ 32 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,163 ♪ Last May ♪ 33 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,835 {\an8}(laughs) 34 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,047 {\an8}While I'm here, I might as well pre-punch out. 35 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:34,052 {\an8}Hmm, we've had a lot of bills lately. 36 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:35,595 {\an8}Better put in some overtime. 37 00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,933 {\an8}(chuckles) 38 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,184 {\an8}(humming) 39 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,728 {\an8}Larry, my man! 40 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,188 {\an8}Hey, you're not Larry. 41 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,439 {\an8}How come you're not Larry? 42 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,566 {\an8}I wouldn't know, sir. 43 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:51,528 {\an8}Uh, listen, if you could indulge me, 44 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,197 {\an8}Larry and I fist-bump every morning. 45 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,991 {\an8}Like that. The warmth of human contact 46 00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,827 {\an8}with a manly whiff of violence. 47 00:01:58,910 --> 00:01:59,994 {\an8}Eh? 48 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:01,913 {\an8}Not interested. 49 00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:04,582 {\an8}Wha...?! Sheesh! 50 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,334 {\an8}Hey, what's with that new security guard? 51 00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,836 {\an8}He's acting all aloof. 52 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,755 {\an8}Uh, by the way, that's my word of the day: "he's." 53 00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,674 {\an8}Maybe I was a little hard on him, 54 00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,968 {\an8}expecting him to be Larry right away. 55 00:02:15,051 --> 00:02:16,511 {\an8}By the way, where is Larry? 56 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:18,179 {\an8}-Crazy house. -Violent ward. 57 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,014 {\an8}Good ol' Larry. 58 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:20,932 {\an8}(humming) 59 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,143 {\an8}Say... Wayne, 60 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:24,477 {\an8}I couldn't help but notice 61 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,354 {\an8}that your breath doesn't smell like alcohol. 62 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,356 {\an8}You want to go grab a beer after work? 63 00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,859 {\an8}I prefer not to have social interaction with coworkers. 64 00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:33,570 {\an8}It, um, hasn't worked out for me in the past. 65 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,823 {\an8}Well, maybe he just doesn't like fist-bumping. 66 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,533 {\an8}Hey, Wayne. 67 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:43,705 {\an8}As God as my witness, this fist will be bumped! 68 00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,957 {\an8}Put that fool thing down. 69 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,126 ANNOUNCER: We now return to Master Chef: 70 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,003 Extreme Snack Edition. 71 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,800 {\an8}Marge, your ratio of peanut butter to cracker was spot on. 72 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,094 {\an8}And I loved the addition of the thin slice of apple. 73 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,846 {\an8}This was a great plate of food. 74 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:00,847 {\an8}Thank you. 75 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,725 {\an8}This is my third favorite reality cooking show. 76 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,686 {\an8}For your prize, you have won a brand-new kitchen, 77 00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:07,979 {\an8}which I will now become. 78 00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:09,898 {\an8}(makes transforming noises) 79 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,150 {\an8}Ow! Ow! Ow! 80 00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,902 {\an8}I miss my soul patch. 81 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,820 {\an8}(groans) Oh. 82 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:21,201 {\an8}Kids, enjoy your extreme snack. 83 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,245 {\an8}Wait, this tastes different. 84 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,247 {\an8}I put a slice of apple in it. 85 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,332 {\an8}Gross. 86 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:29,083 {\an8}You know I hate surprises. 87 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,084 {\an8}You tricked us. 88 00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:32,962 {\an8}I like routine. I like routine. 89 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,340 {\an8}-(sighs) -(sighs) 90 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,966 {\an8}Did you have a hard day, too? 91 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,011 {\an8}Ah, a guy at work seems not to like me. 92 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,137 {\an8}I guess it's not much 93 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,181 {\an8}when you look at real problems in the world, 94 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:46,100 {\an8}like Major League umpires not using instant replay. 95 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:47,352 {\an8}It's big to you. 96 00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,979 {\an8}Would you like a "get well" pork chop? 97 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,147 {\an8}I love you so much. 98 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,441 {\an8}Potatoes and gravy on the side, please. 99 00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,860 {\an8}(whistle blows) 100 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,947 {\an8}Charlie, want to grab a beer? 101 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:02,533 {\an8}No, I was tipsy last night when a telephone survey called, 102 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,410 {\an8}so I told them to call back tonight 103 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,120 {\an8}for more accurate answers. 104 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,789 Oh. Okay. 105 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,040 (thunder rumbling softly) 106 00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,962 (gasps) Wayne! 107 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:16,714 Want a ride? 108 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,132 I can walk. 109 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,302 (hail pattering) 110 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:23,721 (groans) 111 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,556 All right, Homer, you win. 112 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,893 You know, I just got a little chill when you said my name. 113 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,061 (quietly) Every town I go to, 114 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,896 I run into some guy just like this. 115 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,691 Look, I'm not weird or anything, 116 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:37,360 I just like to feel like I'm friends with everybody. 117 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,821 (sighs) Homer, you're a nice guy. 118 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,197 I'll have one beer with you. 119 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,532 After that, we will have 120 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,368 a courteous professional relationship, and that's it. 121 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,787 No Secret Santa, we're not trading lunches... 122 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,247 -Oh! -and I don't want you 123 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,291 calling me at home and saying "Turn on channel six." 124 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,375 But what if the weather girl... 125 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,877 I don't care! 126 00:04:57,964 --> 00:05:00,383 Wow, I can't believe Homer bagged the tiger. 127 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,968 Excuse me, I need to use the... 128 00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:02,969 Men's room! 129 00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,095 (gasps) Oh, my God. 130 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:07,181 We're completing each other's... 131 00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:09,767 Completing each other's... 132 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:14,772 sen... ten... ces... 133 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,696 Totally surprising entrance! 134 00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:22,739 (cocks gun) 135 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,991 Hand over your cash and jewelry. 136 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:25,992 Pronto. 137 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,702 (groans) 138 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,748 Hmm. Hmm. 139 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,833 Okay, now, don't want no trouble. 140 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:37,086 Let me just get my cash out of my cash drawer here. 141 00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:41,049 Just, uh, lining up all the presidents, nice and neat. 142 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,842 Ain't trying to be no hero. 143 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:43,801 (chuckles) 144 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,762 Uh... (chuckles) 145 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,846 Uh, here you go. 146 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:48,306 Thanks for the upgrade. 147 00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:49,349 Ha-ha! 148 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,145 (grunts) 149 00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:56,481 -Wayne? -Stand back, Homer! 150 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,149 I know what I'm doing. 151 00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,734 Well, we all know what we're doing. 152 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:02,737 The question is, is it an appropriate reaction to the situation? 153 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,531 (sighs) Drunks are so boring. 154 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,325 -(gasps) -(gunshot) 155 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,745 (screams) My fresco! 156 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,247 That's coming out of your stealings! 157 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:14,749 (grunts) 158 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:16,042 (yells) 159 00:06:16,125 --> 00:06:17,627 (grunts) 160 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:21,339 Wayne, maybe it's the me-being-still-alive talking, 161 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,841 but I think you're awesome. 162 00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:27,470 I'm just a guy who saw what needed to be done and did it. 163 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,057 Oh, speaking of which, let's get these eggs back in a jar. 164 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,810 (humming) 165 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:37,730 (cocks gun) 166 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:46,989 Wow, that's the farthest that one of my eggs 167 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,117 ever made it down someone's throat. 168 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,872 It's great to have a home-cooked meal. 169 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,542 Well, if anyone saves my Homie's life, 170 00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:58,918 they get a free meal. 171 00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,171 Which actually comes up about once a week. 172 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,215 So, Wayne, how'd you learn 173 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:05,925 all those cool self-defense moves? 174 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,052 I had training. Special training. 175 00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,513 The kind they're not allowed to give anymore. 176 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:20,106 (grunts) 177 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,233 (screams) 178 00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:26,737 (choking) 179 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,083 (jabbering, grunts) 180 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,009 (quacking laugh) 181 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,594 (grunting) 182 00:07:49,677 --> 00:07:51,429 (yelling) 183 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:54,765 (roaring) 184 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:58,019 (straining) 185 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,482 Sorry. I have to go. 186 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,150 Oh, come on, stay for dessert! 187 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:07,361 (straining) 188 00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,238 (sighs) 189 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,535 Hey, Simpson, you want to hear about the big change in my life? 190 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:15,828 Sure, why not. 191 00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,247 I started drinking orange juice with pulp. 192 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,374 I asked the Reverend, and he said it was okay. 193 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,959 Then he hung right up on me. 194 00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:24,504 That man is cranky at 3:00 in the morning. 195 00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,801 And here he is, this week's Noble Nobody. 196 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,386 What the... (bleep) 197 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,555 A quiet, unassuming security guard 198 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,641 who foiled a robbery at a local tavern, 199 00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,727 as seen in this Taiwanese animated dramatization. 200 00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:42,063 {\an8}(female narrator speaking Taiwanese) 201 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,453 {\an8}(laughing) 202 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:03,709 {\an8}(tires screeching) 203 00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,836 {\an8}(video game sound effects) 204 00:09:08,089 --> 00:09:09,966 Please, sir, just let me do my job. 205 00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,133 Pish tush. 206 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,970 Wayne, as a reward for your valiant fisticuffery, 207 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:15,304 I hereby award you 208 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,224 the Springfield Nuclear Plant Silver Safety Hat. 209 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:23,604 -(fanfare plays) -(horses neigh) 210 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,273 (chuckles maniacally) 211 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:29,068 Thanks to you, Wayne, 212 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:31,737 we did not lose the visible half of the moon. 213 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,072 Just doing my job, sir. 214 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,115 All too well. 215 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,575 I'm afraid that protocol demands 216 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,577 that I totally erase your memory. 217 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,329 (grunting) 218 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:47,878 (crackling) 219 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,297 (grunting) 220 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:52,049 Die, you fascist bastard! 221 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,385 Mother, is that you? 222 00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,637 Wayne, stop! That's Mr. Burns! 223 00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,307 (gasping) 224 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,975 Ooh. 225 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:03,644 I expect insolence, but rank insolence? 226 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:05,938 -Off with his job! -(sighs) 227 00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,064 Damn it. 228 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,483 Why don't you come stay with us 229 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,485 till you can get back on your feet? 230 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,321 Really? Are you sure? 231 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:14,238 Of course. 232 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,823 I mean, how long could it be? 233 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:16,949 I don't know. 234 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,119 I've got no job, no references, can't afford my apartment. 235 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,913 It's best to concentrate on what you do have. 236 00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,750 I have reoccurring flashbacks to a nightmarish past. 237 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,418 That's funny, because I have 238 00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,713 reoccurring flash-forwards to a nightmarish future. 239 00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,342 (chanting) Unfair! Unfair! 240 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,594 That robot took our jobs! 241 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,263 He said it. 242 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,182 Or, uh, maybe it was him. 243 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,645 Man, this robot really gets me. 244 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:48,773 My nightmares are real. 245 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:52,693 Your voice is so gravelly, just like Lauren Bacall's. 246 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,786 If you don't listen to me, Senator, 247 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,163 there's not going to be a Fourth of July! 248 00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:07,041 WAYNE: Don't you get it? He used the governor's eyeball 249 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,876 for the retinal scan! 250 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,128 That's ten members of the electoral college 251 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,338 dead in one day! 252 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,256 If you don't give me those launch codes, 253 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,467 you'll never be able to make the "okay" sign again. 254 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:18,469 I know the map is inside your eyelids, 255 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:21,347 and I will turn them inside out if I have to! 256 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:24,016 If you move that little top hat to St. James Place, 257 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,810 we'll all be blown to kingdom come! 258 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:28,020 Bring me every fish in that aquarium! 259 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,980 One of them is lying! 260 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,232 (relieved sigh) 261 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,442 I'm sorry I have so many nightmares. 262 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,069 I've done unspeakable things, 263 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,987 from Buenos Aires to the Ukraine. 264 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,572 Well, what brought you to Springfield? 265 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,492 Was it our Frito-Lay distribution center? 266 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,910 I needed somewhere to lie low. 267 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:45,246 Your town appears on no maps or charts. 268 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,456 Yeah, they couldn't find a Google map photo 269 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,916 without me naked or urinating. 270 00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,419 And when there was a mapmaker's convention here, 271 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,421 they all got Lou Gehrig's disease. 272 00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,005 Not the one you're thinking of-- 273 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,632 there's another one. 274 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,968 So, Lisa, if you press on Bart's elbow, 275 00:11:59,051 --> 00:11:59,969 -here, -Ow! 276 00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,887 he'll tell you anything you want to know. 277 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,639 I admit it! I let Milhouse 278 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:04,765 lie down in your bed! 279 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,017 Kids, can I talk to Wayne alone a minute? 280 00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:08,686 Remember everything they say, 281 00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:10,354 and tell us later in rattle code. 282 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,022 -(rattling) -What do you mean, no? 283 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,149 (grunts) 284 00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,317 I don't know if you should teach our children 285 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,695 advanced interrogation techniques. 286 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:18,779 I'm sorry, Marge. 287 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,448 Sometimes I forget where I am. 288 00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:22,408 Apology accepted. 289 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,786 Now, could you teach me a couple little driving tricks? 290 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,671 (laughs) 291 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,339 We'll see who gets their pick 292 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,300 of pizza pockets! 293 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,012 Give us your lunch money! 294 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:44,930 (grunting in pain) 295 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,640 (bones crack, grunts) 296 00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:49,310 What gives, man? Where'd you learn that stuff? 297 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:51,562 If I told you, I'd have to kill you. 298 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:54,231 -Can I tell you? -No! I won't listen! 299 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:56,942 We can't keep serving the same thing every day. 300 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,904 These kids have mashed potatoes coming out of their ears. 301 00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:01,989 -(Jimbo yells) -Point taken. 302 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,784 (playing "Dance of the Knights" by Prokofiev) 303 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:07,119 Oh, my God. That song. 304 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:08,662 (loud whooshing) 305 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:12,208 (playing "Dance of the Knights") 306 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,293 (people screaming) 307 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:16,504 (music continues) 308 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:24,220 I can't live in the real world anymore. 309 00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,096 This is the real world? 310 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:28,265 Hallelujah! I'm still alive! 311 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:31,268 Ha-ha! And I'll appreciate every moment! 312 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,146 Except the ones that aren't as good as they used to be. 313 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,731 Which is all of them. 314 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,399 Oh, someone kill me. 315 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,694 {\an8}("Dance of the Knights" playing) 316 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,203 Ah, junk, junk. 317 00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:53,415 Beyoncé confirms she will play at my daughter's sweet 16 party. 318 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,960 Humorous YouTube sent by my brother. 319 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,545 Mildly funny, at best. 320 00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,630 Eh, sometimes they are good for giggle. 321 00:13:59,713 --> 00:14:02,216 "Auto-tune disaster victim." 322 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:04,134 ♪ Hiding in the basement ♪ 323 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,719 ♪ Hiding in the basement ♪ 324 00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,888 ♪ And I'm, like, where's the cat? ♪ 325 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:09,682 ♪ Where's, where's the cat? ♪ 326 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:10,933 Hmm... 327 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,810 "Crazy man attacks boss." 328 00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:16,438 (gasps) It's him. 329 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,608 American agent who caused the death of everyone I loved! 330 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,986 You want to give it zero stars? 331 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,071 No! We will go to... 332 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,031 Springfield, America, 333 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,033 and kill this man. 334 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,076 But first... 335 00:14:30,327 --> 00:14:32,162 ♪ Here, kitty, kitty, kitty ♪ 336 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:34,039 ♪ Here, kitty, kitty, kitty ♪ 337 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,667 ♪ Oh, you're an angel now ♪ 338 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:38,878 ♪ Washing out the dog poo ♪ 339 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:41,046 ♪ Sure beats picking it up ♪ 340 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,048 ♪ Flanders' driveway ♪ 341 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,050 ♪ Is my goal ♪ 342 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,344 (whirring) 343 00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,931 I am looking for a man named Wayne. 344 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,267 Oh. He's gone. I don't know where he went. 345 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,728 Are you friend of his? 346 00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,522 He has no friends. 347 00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,735 Except me! 348 00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:04,111 (tires squeal) 349 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:07,573 I see you are tight like borscht and beets. 350 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:11,410 Tell me, if we kidnapped a friend of Wayne's, 351 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:14,038 would he attempt to rescue that friend? 352 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,958 Well, I suppose if the friend was being horribly tortured... 353 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,085 H-Hey, wha? Wha? Wha? 354 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,046 (muffled shouts) 355 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,214 No! Not the middle seat! 356 00:15:27,301 --> 00:15:30,179 This just in: a local man has been kidnapped 357 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,097 by Ukrainian gangsters. 358 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,724 We've received the following video. 359 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,186 Death to America! 360 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,938 -Stick to script. -Fine. 361 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:42,399 I am being held somewhere in the Springfield area. 362 00:15:42,483 --> 00:15:43,609 Turn the card. 363 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,361 Hold up today's newspaper. 364 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,780 {\an8}What will you guys use when there aren't newspapers anymore? 365 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:51,283 {\an8}Perhaps we will be living in a world where there'll be no need to kidnap. 366 00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,036 {\an8}Oh, well, way to make me feel obsolete. 367 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:57,289 {\an8}(chuckles) Oh, look-- here's a coupon for scissors 368 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,500 {\an8}that you have to cut out! Thanks, geniuses! 369 00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,085 MAN: Shut up. 370 00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:03,212 HOMER: Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?! 371 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,255 -(punches landing) -HOMER: Ow! Ow! Ow! 372 00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,800 This is no way to treat the talent. 373 00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,093 MAN: Shut up! 374 00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,679 Oh, God. I know that voice. 375 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,013 (loud whooshing) 376 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:16,350 (playing "Dance of the Knights") 377 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,985 ♪♪ 378 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,154 Viktor? 379 00:16:29,238 --> 00:16:31,907 Darling, I told you to stay in your room. 380 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,576 I told you the bedspread smells funny. 381 00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:39,665 (gunshot) 382 00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,880 {\an8}(distorted) Nyet...! 383 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,761 Marge... I'll get your husband back. 384 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,513 How are you going to find him? 385 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:57,433 Homer is implanted with several highly powerful tracking chips. 386 00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,851 How did that happen? 387 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,686 I left that out in a bowl and he ate them. 388 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:05,524 (wheel squeaking in distance) 389 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,693 I'd take a moment to enjoy those store names 390 00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,778 if I didn't have a job to do. 391 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,259 Nyet...! 392 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:50,277 (yells) 393 00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:52,613 (grunts) 394 00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:54,531 (organ playing) 395 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:57,034 Get out of here! 396 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,035 Ow! 397 00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,704 Aah! I won a silver medal in Nagano-- 398 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,998 ow!-- and now this! 399 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,713 (muffled whimpering) 400 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,384 (panicked whimpering) 401 00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:16,637 (shivering) Oh... cold... 402 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,305 so cold... 403 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,224 So, Wayne, 404 00:18:20,307 --> 00:18:23,185 once again you crash my party? 405 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,062 So cold! Warm me up! 406 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,814 (grunts) Stop it! 407 00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:28,607 Just let me put my hands 408 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,400 -under your armpits. -(giggling) 409 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,904 (gasps) 410 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:37,116 So much violence on the surface world. 411 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,952 I'm going back. (grunts) 412 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:43,330 (gurgling) Cold... so cold... 413 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:47,167 Now you can see why I can't stay in one place. 414 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,752 Not here, not anywhere. 415 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:51,338 How about living on a train that's always moving? 416 00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:52,965 You ever eat on a train, Marge? 417 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,883 What they call a steak is barely a hamburger. 418 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:58,178 Now, Homer... there's one more thing before I go. 419 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:04,434 Aw. That's what I call closure. 420 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:06,145 Good-bye. 421 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,354 (rattling) 422 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:10,440 Yes, Maggie, we will have a use for you soon. 423 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,776 (whispers) Stay close to your busy box. 424 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,278 (rattling) 425 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,324 Wait! I know a place you can go! 426 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:22,452 A place where a sadistic man with government experience 427 00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,246 can feel right at home. 428 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,498 ("Dance of the Knights" plays) 429 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,585 Sir, this is the wrong form. 430 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:33,172 Can you hold my space while I go get the right one? 431 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,674 Nobody held my space when I was in a North Korean prison 432 00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,718 being forced to write a musical about Kim Jung Il 433 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:39,595 with a car battery hooked up to my nipples! 434 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:42,055 Well... 435 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,600 (jaunty orchestral music playing) 436 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,902 (Korean accent) Pardon me, sir, 437 00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,695 can you tell me where palace is? 438 00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,989 What business do you have at the palace? 439 00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:02,242 Why, someday I'm going to be dear leader. 440 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,785 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 441 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,456 You? You are too benevolent to be dear leader! 442 00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,292 Let's see what they think. 443 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:14,379 ♪ "K" is for Korea, just the north part ♪ 444 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:18,383 ♪ "I" is for the Internet he bans ♪ 445 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:22,387 ♪ "M" is for the millions that are missing ♪ 446 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:26,433 ♪ "J" is for our human-tasting jam ♪ 447 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:30,354 ♪ "O" is for 'Oh, boy, we love our leader' ♪ 448 00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:34,441 ♪ "N" is for the best Korea, North ♪ 449 00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:38,862 {\an8}♪ "G" is for 'Gee whiz, we love our leader'... ♪ 450 00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:42,783 We just wanted to give you all a big thank you from Team Nedna. 451 00:20:42,866 --> 00:20:44,826 It's nice to know people still believe in love. 452 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,411 Now, wait just a minute-- 453 00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,413 how come I wasn't an option in this contest? 454 00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,998 Typical Seymour! 455 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,833 Waits till the polls have closed 456 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,794 before throwing his hat in the ring. 457 00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:55,754 {\an8}I agree with America. 458 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,882 {\an8}You'll never give me a grandchild. 459 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,300 {\an8}Thank you. 460 00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:01,593 {\an8}Oh... 461 00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:43,176 Shh! 462 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,138 WAYNE: Shush me again, and I'll take your head clean off. 463 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,975 {\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay