1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,462
(Futurama theme plays)
2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,425
(The Simpsons theme plays)
3
00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,553
(gasps)
4
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,810
(school bell ringing)
5
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,022
(Barney belches)
6
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,150
-(whistle blows)
-(yells)
7
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,406
(beeping)
8
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,830
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:41,750
(playing the blues)
10
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:45,253
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,048
D'oh!
12
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,425
-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)
13
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,194
Okay, going down the checklist--
14
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,196
Feu allumé. Oui.
15
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,364
Ballon gonflé. Oui.
16
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:16,076
{\an8}Now enlevez le ballast!
17
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:23,416
(car alarms wailing)
18
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,752
Commencing aerial inspection
of the plant.
19
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:28,004
Unflattering graffito...
20
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,423
{\an8}(humming)
21
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,258
{\an8}...neutralized.
22
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,636
(gasps) Gadzooks!
23
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,638
The one hazard this balloon
cannot negotiate...
24
00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:38,389
a gentle breeze! (shouts)
25
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,766
(popping)
26
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,602
Help! Curtail my ascent!
Curtail it, I say!
27
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:44,437
{\an8}Hey, Mr. Burns needs our help!
28
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,981
{\an8}Let's just shoot at him
and see what happens.
29
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,733
{\an8}Good thing I went hunting this morning.
30
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,110
{\an8}Bagged me an elk.
31
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,570
{\an8}-Hey, where'd it go?
-(elk bellows)
32
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,365
{\an8}Huh! I wonder if that's the same elk.
33
00:01:58,409 --> 00:01:59,828
{\an8}Oh, I can't do it.
34
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,621
{\an8}A balloon saved one of my arteries.
35
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,748
{\an8}It doesn't seem right to kill his cousin.
36
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:05,792
{\an8}Looks like it's up to me.
37
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:08,002
{\an8}Let's see, target at two o'clock.
38
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,754
{\an8}Adjust for wind.
39
00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:10,797
{\an8}Just shoot already.
40
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,757
{\an8}But I haven't finished my rituals yet.
41
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,008
Mwah!
42
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:15,635
Ah. Mmm.
43
00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,554
(grunts)
44
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:18,930
(gun cocks)
45
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:22,433
BURNS: Help! I'm wafting on a zephyr!
46
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:24,936
{\an8}(geese honking)
47
00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:26,855
{\an8}-(gunshot)
-(squawking)
48
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:36,489
{\an8}That's just sick.
49
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,908
{\an8}-(all laughing)
-You stink!
50
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,326
{\an8}Nice shooting, Annie Oakley!
51
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:44,414
{\an8}If you were a biathlete,
I'd say "stick to skiing."
52
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,680
{\an8}Simpson, your sharpened-shooting
has saved my life.
53
00:03:00,763 --> 00:03:02,182
{\an8}Name your reward.
54
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,350
{\an8}Anything, just name it.
55
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,436
{\an8}All your money and all your stuff.
56
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,189
{\an8}Lower and likelier.
57
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,274
{\an8}Uh, Super Bowl tickets?
58
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,901
{\an8}Playoff tickets?
59
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,694
{\an8}Regular season, bobblehead day?
60
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,196
{\an8}Nothing-head day!
61
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:20,950
{\an8}Wow! I know I laid down
in front of bulldozers
62
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,161
{\an8}to stop this stadium from being built,
63
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:26,289
{\an8}but I have to admit, it's pretty sweet.
64
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,416
It's so fancy--
65
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:31,711
sushi bars, a 60-screen movie theater,
66
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,880
Museum of Tolerance.
67
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,718
-Hm. Oh, man.
-Oh, geez. That made you think.
68
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,470
They, even have a day spa
69
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,847
staffed by former All-Pro linemen.
70
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,433
{\an8}You know, I wouldn't have to do this
71
00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:49,270
{\an8}if I hadn't bought a Ferrari a day
for 22 seasons.
72
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,688
{\an8}Flip over.
73
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,732
{\an8}I once hosted Saturday Night Live.
74
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,525
{\an8}Once again, ladies and gentlemen,
75
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,945
{\an8}-Matchbox 20.
-Who dat?
76
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,405
Ooh, they even have a zoo...
77
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,991
featuring all the NFL mascots.
78
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,705
(animals roaring, screeching)
79
00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,290
(dolphin chittering)
80
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:12,627
This place even has its own arts district
81
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:15,755
with football-hating intellectuals!
82
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:20,260
{\an8}(scoffs) We'll stay for one inning,
then we can go.
83
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:22,637
{\an8}Well, this has been great.
84
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,889
{\an8}We should get home soon--
the game's gonna be starting.
85
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,766
{\an8}Homer, the game is right here.
86
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:27,934
{\an8}(audience cheering)
87
00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:30,937
{\an8}(chuckles) Oh, that's right!
88
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,356
{\an8}I hope you kids
are enjoying yourself today,
89
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,317
{\an8}because you and your children
will be paying for this place
90
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:38,861
{\an8}long after the team
moves to another city.
91
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:40,196
(audience cheering)
92
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:45,451
(cheering)
93
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,497
{\an8}Ooh, the Fan Cam!
94
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,208
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
95
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,793
(music playing)
96
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,968
♪ Give me the music ♪
97
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,805
♪ Give me the music ♪
98
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,641
♪ Everybody dance now ♪
99
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,643
♪ Do, do, everybody dance now ♪
100
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:13,062
♪ Do, do-do-do ♪
101
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,981
{\an8}AUDIENCE: Boo!
102
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:17,650
Come on, party pooper, bust a move.
103
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,236
Nah. This song's a little bossy for me.
104
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,739
Aw, come on, sourpuss.
105
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,365
(exclaims)
106
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,284
-Tickle-tickle!
-(laughs) Stop it!
107
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:28,536
-Tickle-tickle-too!
-Cut it out!
108
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,581
-Tickle-tickle-who-wants-a-pickle?!
-What does that mean?!
109
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,291
Homie, maybe you should stop.
110
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,668
We've talked about the gray zone.
111
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,504
Marge, he's laughing.
That means he's happy.
112
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,590
Has the Joker taught you nothing?
113
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:43,176
-Ticky, ticky, ticky!
-(giggling) Quit it!
114
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:44,344
(laughter)
115
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,637
Knock it off! Stop it!
116
00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,681
Dad, this isn't funny!
117
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:55,063
{\an8}The child has wetted his trousers!
118
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,065
(laughter)
119
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:02,278
Dad, how could you do that?
120
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,989
The whole audience
saw me pee my pants!
121
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,367
Son, I'm really, really sorry.
122
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:08,951
Oh, I don't know if I can--
123
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,411
Whoo--
124
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,913
ever make it up to you.
125
00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,456
I-- Whoo!--
126
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,375
but I sincerely--
127
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,584
Whoo!
128
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:19,545
Homer, just because everyone
else is doing the wave
129
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,422
doesn't mean you have to.
130
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,758
No one else is doing it.
I'm trying to start it.
131
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,343
Whoo!
132
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:27,261
Whoo!
133
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,519
Taking pity on the boy,
134
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,187
the operators of Springfield Stadium
135
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,189
opened the stadium's retractable roof
136
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,191
in an attempt to dry his pants.
137
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,901
Unfortunately, the stain was picked up
138
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,737
by Russian spy satellites,
and President Dmitry Medvedev
139
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,407
has taken the pants-wetting
as a sign of American weakness.
140
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,909
A Russian flotilla has
just entered New York harb...
141
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:53,704
Oh. Bart's never gonna
forgive me for humiliating him.
142
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,248
And I wouldn't blame him.
143
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,625
You've destroyed our son's self-esteem.
144
00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,168
Well, it was your idea
145
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,212
to give him self-esteem
in the first place.
146
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,922
MARGE: I told you you
should've stopped the tickling.
147
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,257
HOMER: Now I have to work overtime...
148
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,675
-MARGE: What?!
-...just to counteract
149
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,884
the self-confidence...
150
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,762
Hey, Bart, I hear the forecast
is for showers...
151
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:11,055
in your pants!
152
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,849
I'm on an European vacation,
153
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,059
but "you're a-peein'" everywhere!
154
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,394
"Oui, oui!"
155
00:07:16,477 --> 00:07:18,438
(grunting)
156
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:23,734
Oh. Why did I agree to
moderate this teleconference?
157
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,279
You can't let this go without using it
158
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,781
as a chance to improve your fathering.
159
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,158
Well, of course,
160
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,453
I would love to be
a more sensitive father.
161
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,579
You know that.
162
00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:35,997
That's great!
163
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,333
Then you won't mind me enrolling
you in a fathering class.
164
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,294
I'd like to see you thumb through
165
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:44,088
an extension school catalog and find one.
166
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,299
-(shrieks)
-Here's one right here.
167
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,426
Please, Marge, no!
168
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,845
The other negligent dads
will make fun of me.
169
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:52,513
They're so cliquey.
170
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,349
You'll be fine. You always are.
171
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:59,312
Oh, I miss my friends
from drunk driving school.
172
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:02,273
(sobbing) They were so cool.
173
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,733
(continues sobbing)
174
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,902
(phone beeping)
175
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,696
(line ringing)
176
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,908
Homer, welcome to Fresh Start,
177
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,868
a fathering enrichment class.
178
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,703
My name is Dr. Zander.
179
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,247
Last week we assigned everyone
to keep a fathering journal.
180
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:20,333
Gerald, would you like
to share your entries?
181
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,084
Absolutely, Dr. Zander.
182
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:25,838
"Monday-- left work early
to see Derek's baseball game.
183
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,882
When Derek saw me in the stands,
184
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,384
his smile was worth a million dollars.
185
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,637
Tuesday-- lost a million-dollar account
186
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,472
because I left work early Monday."
187
00:08:34,555 --> 00:08:36,516
That's great journaling. Comments?
188
00:08:38,392 --> 00:08:41,812
Uh, Homer, it says here you've
been a father for ten years.
189
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,357
-What has that taught you?
-Well, for one thing,
190
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,776
you're never really ready to be a father.
191
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,611
But... oh, you know, the other day,
192
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,196
Bart, the little dickens,
193
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,073
said I had an elephant butt.
194
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:55,451
So anyway, I'm strangling him,
and I said to Bart...
195
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,246
Wait. H-Hold on a moment.
You were strangling your son?
196
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,539
Yeah, strangling.
197
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,249
I mean, it's not the only tool
198
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,417
in my parenting toolbox, but...
(chuckles)
199
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,753
it's the sharpest. (chuckling)
200
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:07,338
Right?
201
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,840
Anyway, I said, "Bart..."
202
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,551
You're actually serious?
203
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,844
You physically lay your hands
on your boy's neck?
204
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:17,598
Well, yeah, I... I guess
it's just how I was raised.
205
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,268
Look at these grades!
They're a disgrace!
206
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,769
No TV for a week!
207
00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:23,271
Why, you little...
208
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,773
(gagging, grunting)
209
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:33,614
So, are those butter cookies
for everybody, or...
210
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,450
Um... why don't we stop there for today,
211
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,703
and I'll see you next week.
212
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,872
(whispering loudly)
Who do you have next period?
213
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,793
(humming)
214
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:46,836
Hey, Doc.
215
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,212
(mouth full) Where is everybody?
216
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,630
I told them not to come.
217
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:52,133
Why didn't you tell me not to come?
218
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:55,344
Homer, to emphasize
the seriousness of this situation,
219
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,306
I'm going to turn my chair
around backwards.
220
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,434
-(screams)
-I feel...
221
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,102
in this situation,
222
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:06,856
the only option is a risky
and radical treatment.
223
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,941
Homer, meet Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
224
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,069
Dr. Zander and I play pick-up
basketball on the weekend.
225
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,739
And when he told me
what you do to your son,
226
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:18,659
I was so disturbed
I only scored 172 points.
227
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,245
I had 86 assists.
228
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:24,498
But today he's here
to assist me with you.
229
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,712
What... wh-what are you doing?
230
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,797
Homer, it's time you understood
what it feels like
231
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,300
to be young, small, and terrified.
232
00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:37,178
No, Doc, please.
233
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,679
I'm just a little boy.
234
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:39,805
Why, you little...
235
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:42,808
(Homer grunting, choking)
236
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,686
-(grunting, choking continues)
-I don't want to hurt him, Doc.
237
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,313
You have a good heart, Kareem.
238
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,273
Which is why you're the only
Laker I could trust
239
00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:50,733
with this task.
240
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,777
(grunting, choking)
241
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:55,446
Uh, not a good time
to water the plants?
242
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:56,656
No, it's fine.
243
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,658
(grunting, choking)
244
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,661
Hey, Kareem, what do you think
about today's selfish players?
245
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,496
(gagging)
246
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,331
Ball-hogging, tattooed...
247
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:08,876
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
248
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:12,838
♪ No more Mr. Cle-e-e-ean ♪
249
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,591
♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
250
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:20,388
♪ They say, he sick, he's obsce-e-e-ene ♪
251
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:22,056
(music continues)
252
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,271
(gagging)
253
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:33,442
Dr. Zander, you made me see
my life through Bart's neck,
254
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,569
and I swear, I will never,
255
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,030
ever strangle my boy again.
256
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:40,366
I believe we've made
excellent progress here today,
257
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,535
and after another few years
of twice-weekly sessions,
258
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:45,329
-we can really...
-Um, I, uh, lied
259
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,123
about having health insurance.
260
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,375
And you're cured.
261
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,882
-Hello, boy.
-Homer.
262
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,801
I want you to know I'm cured.
263
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,636
Good for you. No more drinking?
264
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,972
(chuckling)
Oh, son. I can't quit drinking
265
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:05,349
any more than I could
quit being a man.
266
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,561
Oh. Now it feels like morning.
267
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:11,605
What I am cured of is
the blind rage that has soured
268
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,650
our otherwise storybook relationship.
269
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,027
Go ahead, just try to provoke me.
270
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,655
(sighs) I just got up, man.
271
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,742
Oh, come on.
Bust your daddy's chops.
272
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,744
(sighs) Fine.
273
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,538
(angry grunts)
274
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,915
Why, you little... I'll teach you to...
275
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,418
-I'm in your head, man.
-(screams)
276
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,296
Why, you... (grunts)
I'm gonna... (grunts)
277
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,839
Maybe this time...
278
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:38,174
(grunts, groans)
279
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,009
(pained grunts)
280
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,971
Aw. My son's first stroke.
281
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,306
Say...
282
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:49,185
(slurring) "Cheese."
283
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,437
Can't hurt the boy. Can't hurt the boy.
284
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,272
(yells) What the...
285
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,107
Boy, get down from there.
286
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,610
Okay. First, I'll send down my shoes.
287
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,487
All right. (screams)
288
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:00,780
Why, you little...
289
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,950
Oh, come on. Now you're a tree?
290
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,452
(gagging)
291
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,954
(sobbing)
292
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,915
(laughing mischievously)
293
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,585
(whistling)
294
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:20,007
(panicked shouts)
295
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,009
Bart Simpson.
296
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,345
What would your father say
if he knew what you were doing?
297
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:28,766
He'd say, "I'm a grown man
who's scared of my own son."
298
00:13:28,849 --> 00:13:30,684
I find that hard to believe.
299
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,269
Oh, yeah? Look.
300
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,023
How many more, sir?
301
00:13:36,106 --> 00:13:38,359
Fill the board, then wash my car.
302
00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,444
These are my keys.
303
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,446
-What was that?
-I-I said,
304
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:46,534
"My keister is ready
for a whooping, sir."
305
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,118
(sighs)
306
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,835
(Willie grunts)
307
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,839
(Chief Wiggum groans)
308
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:06,262
No. No. I'm just a kid.
309
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,847
Leave me alone.
310
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,934
BART: It's "A-B-C, one, two, three!"
311
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,561
It's the easiest song in the world!
312
00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:14,854
(Homer sobbing)
313
00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:20,526
You think you're better
than the Great Simpsini?
314
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,486
-(grunting)
-Well, you're not.
315
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,905
What are you gonna do,
write a book about me?
316
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,699
-(grunts)
-You couldn't get in the door
317
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:30,035
of Random House if your name
was Bennett Cerf III.
318
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:32,913
-(grunting)
-One, two, three, cry.
319
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,040
-One, two, three, cry.
-(grunts)
320
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,084
How is that water? Wet like your tears?
321
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,044
(grunting)
322
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,840
Precious, is that you?
323
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,091
Yes, Mama.
324
00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,593
You think you're so pretty.
325
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,011
Where's my lotto ticket?
326
00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,512
I forgot, Mama.
327
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:50,723
(screams)
328
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:53,100
And don't you come back without it!
329
00:14:53,183 --> 00:14:55,102
You hear me?!
330
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,854
Hurry up!
331
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:58,856
(whimpers, panting)
332
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:02,943
(Homer cries out)
333
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,616
I don't see many more movie
roles for a girl like you.
334
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,577
Not unless George Lucas
needs another Death Star.
335
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,081
No! Stop! No Star Wars parodies!
336
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,918
-Homer! Homer!
-Oh! What?!
337
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,336
(panting)
338
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,589
The school called and said
Bart is out of control.
339
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,008
I think we may need
some therapy for him.
340
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,301
Oh, that's ridiculous.
341
00:15:27,384 --> 00:15:30,930
How could two people from
the same family need therapy?
342
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,765
Hmm.
343
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,434
(wind whistling)
344
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,524
Dr. Zander? Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
345
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:43,525
Anyone?
346
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,027
Hmm.
347
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,239
Hmm. Hmm.
348
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,787
Dr. Zander, what happened?
349
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,455
Oh, it's the damn economy.
350
00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,165
When it went south,
the first thing people
351
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,751
stopped spending money on
was expensive therapists.
352
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,503
So, we all live here now,
353
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:05,422
along with the other unemployed
luxury professionals--
354
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,758
wedding planners,
personal shoppers,
355
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,760
aromatherapists,
356
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,012
-high-end caterers.
-Mushroom cap?
357
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,056
Those are pieces of broken glass.
358
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,891
Well, I'll pass that on to the chef.
359
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,186
I'll also pass on pieces
of your face to my monkeys.
360
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,146
Look, now my son needs your help.
361
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,191
-How much you got on you?
-Uh... $23.
362
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:26,819
And there's a can of beans in my car.
363
00:16:26,902 --> 00:16:27,987
Ugh!
364
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:31,407
After a PhD, lectures on cruises,
365
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,284
monthly column in Springfield Magazine...
366
00:16:35,786 --> 00:16:37,329
Are there franks in the beans?
367
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,124
(grunting)
368
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,042
So whatever you did to my husband,
369
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,003
it was too effective.
370
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,337
Mm, mm, yes.
371
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,423
One of the most common
complaints about therapy.
372
00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:50,259
And now my son is a bully.
Can you fix him?
373
00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:52,928
Probably, but we should
discuss it in your car.
374
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,305
The sommeliers are coming.
375
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:58,809
-Buttery finish.
-Great year for Zin.
376
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,478
This is what I drink at home.
377
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:02,771
(Marge yelps)
378
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,693
Homer, Bart,
379
00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:10,195
this weekend in the wilderness
should repair
380
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,781
the shattered bond
between the two of you.
381
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,868
I find that in a natural setting...
382
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,453
(rattling)
383
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,121
-(laughs)
-(whimpering)
384
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,290
Very funny, Bart.
385
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,333
That's not the snake, is it?
386
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:26,378
Sorry, little friend.
387
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,714
Slither back to your natural element.
388
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,550
(screams, whimpers)
389
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,719
Now, Bart,
I want you to guide your father
390
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:35,554
safely through these cacti.
391
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,474
-Then what do we win?
-A better relationship.
392
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,393
-Oh!
-Okay, go straight.
393
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,853
-(yells)
-Three steps right.
394
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:43,937
(whimpering)
395
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,647
-Two to the left.
-(shrieks)
396
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,441
Now, Bart, you do understand
397
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,443
you're supposed to avoid the cacti.
398
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,361
{\an8}Sure do. I'm just bad at counting.
399
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,072
{\an8}-Two to the right.
-(shrieks)
400
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,615
-Backwards one.
-Oh! (gasping)
401
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:56,366
-Diagonal two.
-(yells)
402
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,870
-Now do-se-do.
-(Homer screams rhythmically)
403
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,790
While your father and brother are doing
404
00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,875
some manly bonding in the woods,
405
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:08,128
I thought we could do
a little bonding of our own.
406
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:11,924
We'll do each other's nails,
make some brownie sundaes
407
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:15,719
and watch the four saddest
horse movies I could find...
408
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:17,471
(Marge reading titles)
409
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:24,978
And the fourth one has a title
so sad I can't even say it.
410
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,814
Really? Can I see it?
411
00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:30,442
(sobbing)
412
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:34,947
GIRL (on TV): Oh, Beauty,
413
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,282
I don't need money or parents
414
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,952
or eyesight when I've got you.
415
00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:42,204
(whinnying)
416
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,874
(gasps)
Oh, I always forget about this part.
417
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,377
(sniffles, cries)
418
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,965
Oh. I don't know.
419
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:56,051
There's something about
this noose I just don't like.
420
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,804
Homer, desperate times call
for desperate measures.
421
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,265
If you hop down from that limb,
I assure you,
422
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,142
Bart will cut you down.
423
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,185
I don't know.
424
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,563
Keep your neck inside
the rope at all times!
425
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,481
(sighs)
426
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,109
(choking)
427
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,694
Well? Anything?!
428
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,237
Can't look. Texting.
429
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,656
-(cell phone chiming)
-Ooh, a text.
430
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,576
Let's see.
Text message for I.M.A. Wiener.
431
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,537
As you all can see, I.M.A. Wiener--
432
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:26,665
-(laughter)
-I see it, Moe.
433
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,750
Why, you! When I...
434
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:34,298
When... I... get ahold... of you, I...
435
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,925
Oh, damn it,
I typed an "F" and not a "D."
436
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,969
Uh, delete. Delete. Delete. Delete.
437
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:41,847
Oh, crap, I just donated $20 to Haiti!
438
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,515
(laughing)
439
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,270
Bart, I'm trying to get you to
feel something for your father!
440
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,105
I feel something for him.
441
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,357
Here it comes. (burps)
442
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:55,194
-Why you little...
-(choking)
443
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,529
Oh, this is a tough neck!
444
00:19:57,613 --> 00:20:00,032
Oh, it's so strong! Like an oak.
445
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:02,576
You see?
You see how that boy pushes your buttons?
446
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:03,994
We'll talk when he's dead!
447
00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:05,370
-(grunting)
-(choking)
448
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,206
Just break already!
449
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,374
(choking)
450
00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,590
(sighs) Thanks, Dad.
451
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:19,259
Son, you and I are gonna be
closer than ever
452
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:23,305
as we spend the rest of
our lives suing that therapist.
453
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:26,225
Sue me for what?
My home in a hollowed-out tree?
454
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,851
(contented sigh)
455
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,436
Pretty sweet, eh, boy?
456
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:32,981
You know, I was skeptical,
but I guess therapy works.
457
00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,235
(theme music playing)
458
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:46,245
{\an8}♪ He said, no more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
459
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:50,123
{\an8}♪ No more Mr. Cle-e-e-ean ♪
460
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,918
{\an8}♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
461
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,212
{\an8}♪ He said, you're sick ♪
462
00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,798
{\an8}♪ You're obsce-e-e-ene ♪
463
00:20:57,881 --> 00:21:01,635
{\an8}♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
464
00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:05,264
{\an8}♪ No more Mr. Cle-e-e-ean ♪
465
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,058
{\an8}♪ No more Mr. Nice Guy ♪
466
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,143
{\an8}♪ He said, you're sick ♪
467
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:12,938
{\an8}♪ You're obsce-e-e-ene ♪
468
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:16,650
{\an8}♪ E-e-e-ene, E-e-e-ene ♪
469
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:19,152
{\an8}♪ Whoo ♪
470
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,740
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
471
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by A. Vandelay