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CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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{\an8}(theme music playing)
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(exclaims)
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(school bell ringing)
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(Barney belches)
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-(whistle blows)
-(yells)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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D'oh!
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-(tires screeching)
-(grunts)
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-(snaps)
-(Homer yells)
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-(groans)
-You!
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DEAN MARTIN: ♪ You're nobody ♪
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♪ Till somebody ♪
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♪ Loves you ♪
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{\an8}♪ You're nobody ♪
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{\an8}-♪ Till somebody cares ♪
-(cat yowls)
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{\an8}(dog barks)
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{\an8}-(shouting gibberish)
-(shouting gibberish)
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{\an8}(cat meows)
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{\an8}(speaking gibberish)
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{\an8}(speaking gibberish)
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{\an8}Da-yee...
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{\an8}(speaking gibberish)
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{\an8}(fierce snarling and yowling)
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You know, I love our
Valentine's Day tradition
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of going out with each other's sisters.
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Is there anything better
than my best friend's face
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-on a girl body?
-Not that I can think of.
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Nothing better.
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{\an8}Boy, I love Valentine's Day.
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{\an8}Stir a drop of Jagermeister
into some pink lemonade,
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{\an8}slice in some strawberry ChapStick...
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{\an8}-Mmm.
-...call it "Cupid's Ambrosia,"
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{\an8}and you can charge up the wazoo.
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{\an8}(laughs) Now all you need are customers.
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{\an8}Well, better get home to the little woman.
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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{\an8}-Do you have plans for tonight?
-What, are you crazy?
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{\an8}Of course I do. Got a hot date.
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{\an8}Come on, scram, so I can get ready.
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I'm telling you, I'm fine.
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I never been happier. See? There.
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There, that's a smile, right?
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Showing teeth, eyes all crinkly.
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(awkward laugh)
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(sobbing)
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Hey, hey, stop opening doors!
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{\an8}TV ANNOUNCER:
Coming up next on World of War...
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{\an8}Hmm?
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{\an8}..."Hitler and Eva Braun: Crazy in Love."
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{\an8}-Even you let me down, Hitler!
-(changes channel)
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{\an8}MAN: Hey, you!
Spending Valentine's Day by yourself?
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{\an8}Huhza?
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{\an8}If you're watching this alone,
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{\an8}your love life is like Sister Act 3--
no Whoopi!
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{\an8}I knew my love life
was like that movie somehow.
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Well, I'm gonna tell you
my secrets right now...
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if "right now" means
tomorrow night at my seminar
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at the Springfield Airport Motor Lodge.
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So, if you're ready
to turn from couch potato
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to sex tornado,
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{\an8}come and see me, Dr. Kissingher.
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{\an8}Eh, what have I got to lose?
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{\an8}They say for every man
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{\an8}somewhere on Earth there's one woman.
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(alarm clock buzzing)
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(gasps) Homer!
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We only have five minutes
until the school bus comes.
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{\an8}(gasps) Drive my kids to school? Never!
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{\an8}(yells, grunts)
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Stupid double snuggler's hitch! (grunting)
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Only hope is to chew off my leg!
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Ow! Ow!
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Mmm, not bad.
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(grunting)
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Just 127 more hours.
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{\an8}(humming)
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{\an8}Wha...
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{\an8}(dramatic music plays)
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{\an8}(gasps) My first gray hair!
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{\an8}(chuckles) Oh, Marge, don't worry.
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{\an8}A lot of movie stars have gray hair,
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{\an8}like all those women we loved in the '80s.
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{\an8}Homie, you always mean to say
the nicest things.
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{\an8}Well, it's not easy
with you talking all the time.
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{\an8}(chuckles)
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Uh, excuse me, is this the seminar
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where you learn
how to pick up free escorts?
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Well, we're not learning
how to fold cloth napkins.
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Well, I got excited for nothing.
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(disco music playing)
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MAN (over speakers):
Gentlemen, prepare for the potentate
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of the potent date,
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the know-it-all of the protocol
of the booty call,
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Dr. Kiss... ing... her!
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(cheering and hooting)
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Once we were single-celled organisms
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who could replicate whenever we wanted.
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-(shouting, cheering)
-We were men back then!
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But today we need more help.
Who's first? You!
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The guy who's been here
since 3:00 this afternoon.
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It's hard to meet girls
when you're paid in chickens.
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Okay, I'm a sexy girl, and research shows
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that my decision to sleep with you
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happens in the first 6.5 seconds.
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-Go!
-Eh, my name's Willie,
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and, uh, all I do is get drunk
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and kill squirrels with me shovel.
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Okay, now I'll translate that
into romance language.
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Hi. I'm William.
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I'm a connoisseur of fine spirits,
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and I love animals to death.
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Do me next! Do me next!
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Ah! A monster! Save me!
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(chuckles) Sorry, that was unprofessional.
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-Please, go on.
-Name's Moe Szyslak.
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As a kid, I had roundworm.
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Heck, I was more worm
than boy for a couple of years.
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I dabbled in Satanism
until I was asked to leave.
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Oh, and one month,
I ate nothing but aquarium fish.
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(sighs) Your only hope
is to use a wingman.
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Uh, what's a wingman?
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-A wingman is a friend...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Now I got to find a friend?
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You need someone
who's secretly on your side,
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making you look good to women.
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But he can't be more handsome
or appealing than you.
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Okay, let's take a flip
through the old Moe-lodex.
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Ooh.
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Bingo. That was a weird day.
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Sir, would you be my wingman?
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We could try it out this weekend
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at the "Faculty Follies" after-party.
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One thing-- what if there's
a woman we both like?
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Well, we'll use the time-honored
I-saw-her-first rule.
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What if I see her hand
at the same time you see her face?
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Face beats hand!
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So, after dinner I cut his hair,
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and he readjusted my mortgage.
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(giggles) That's what he does.
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And how was your Valentine's Day?
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Very romantic.
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Homer had the basketball game
muted the whole time.
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Oh, and then I found a gray hair--
no big deal.
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Mmm.
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Marge, it's time I told you the truth.
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You've been grayer than
a Seattle Cinco de Mayo
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for years now.
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Really?
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Yes, the dye not only colors your hair,
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but the fumes wipe
the experience from your mind.
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Jimothy, Aquanetta, is touch-up time!
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Gloves and foil, people!
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Let's go! Crinkle, crinkle!
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(gasps) Whoa! Whoa!
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-(water running)
-(whimpers)
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Oh, Janis, I'm so sorry.
Can we reschedule?
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It's a battle of the Blue and Gray here,
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and I am Gaybraham Lincoln, baby.
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Oh, that's okay. I only needed a touch-up.
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My husband and I can use the time
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to take a long, romantic walk.
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Hmm, she doesn't seem so worried
about her gray hair.
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Oh, her self-confidence
doesn't come from a bottle.
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Now, let's rub this toxic
blue goo onto your scalp.
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Mm-hmm.
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A little of that.
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Mix it up.
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Mm-hmm.
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(worried moan)
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Hmm.
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(moans)
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(door closes)
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MARGE: I brought home fried chicken.
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And a completely new hairstyle.
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(gasping)
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A completely new hairstyle.
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So, what do you think?
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(alarm buzzing, siren wailing)
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She wants an honest answer. What do we do?
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I don't know. I don't know!
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We could fake a stroke.
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The last time we faked a stroke,
it led to a real one.
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We're running out of time, people.
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We need an answer, and it has to be great!
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So... chicken.
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(groans)
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EXECUTIVES: D'oh!
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Well, what do you kids
think of the real me? Huh?
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I love it.
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I know I use the word "empowering" a lot,
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but this time, it really is that.
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I just have one question about hair.
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Where does mine start?
Head, head, head, hair.
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Where's the border?
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Oh, my God. Me, too!
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What are we?
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What do you think, Homie?
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Sweetie, you've always been beautiful,
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but now you're my silver belle.
202
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Let me get the camera
we use for precious moments
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and insurance claims.
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(anguished grunt) What has she done?
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I feel like I'm married to Richard Gere.
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-(phone rings)
-I can't talk now.
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00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,167
I'm talking to myself.
No, no, Homer. Go ahead.
208
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,669
Thanks, Homer. It'll just be a minute.
209
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-What's up?
-Hey, wingman,
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you're supposed to be here
like you promised.
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00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,842
Oh, thank you, prior obligation.
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(engine roars, tires squeal)
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(gasping) I can't take it.
214
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I'm just going to draw a hairline on.
215
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:04,687
(electrical crackling)
216
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So, basically,
217
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,525
my job is to make you
look good by comparison.
218
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,612
Like West Virginia does for Virginia.
219
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,196
(Homer chuckling)
220
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,783
The good doctor has just the prescription.
221
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,869
"Jumping on the Grenade--"
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00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,538
the wingman engages
the less attractive friend,
223
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,957
isolating the target. Voop!
224
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,753
You ever notice that pizzas
have gotten so small lately?
225
00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:31,881
-They're like dimes.
-Yes, that's exactly it!
226
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,299
Well, a girl could starve to death!
227
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:34,717
Oh, I know!
228
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,761
Wow, your friend did something
I could never do.
229
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,555
-What's that?
-Walk away from you.
230
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(grunts excitedly)
231
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"Taking Down a Rival,"
AKA "Talk Blocking."
232
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:44,935
(mimics machine powering down)
233
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,648
So, Lenny, ever get that rebar
out of your head?
234
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,400
No, they just sawed off the ends
and painted over the nubs.
235
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,611
Hey, where you going, baby?
236
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,405
Oh, no, you don't.
237
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,994
Nice talk-blocking.
238
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:03,704
Would you be willing to wingman for me?
239
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,873
Well, I don't know. It's a lot of work.
240
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,125
Oh, I just ordered this
bottomless pitcher of beer
241
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and circumference-less platter of nachos.
242
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,087
Deal!
243
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:14,590
Need some cooling down, hot stuff?
244
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,926
(Homer shrieks)
245
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:20,846
HOMER (thinking):
Okay, just imagine she's a Bond girl.
246
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,015
Oh! Judi Dench?!
247
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,351
Kiss me, 007.
248
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:30,106
Good show, Mr. Bond. (laughs)
249
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,365
-(wind whistling)
-Help! My macaroni Marconi!
250
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:42,618
-Hmm?
-(Lisa and Marge panting)
251
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,912
Bart, what happened to your mom's hair?
252
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:48,666
Did she see something scary
like that vampire on Sesame Street?
253
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,043
They should warn you when he's coming.
254
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:53,254
I don't want to talk about my mom's hair.
255
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,423
Right. It's just weird.
256
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,466
Normally, I think your mom is hot...
257
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,552
-Take that back!
-I'm sorry.
258
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:01,929
What I mean is, she's not hot anymore.
259
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,639
-Take that back!
-(grunts)
260
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,516
So moody!
261
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:08,185
Just like my mom
on her "can't dance" days.
262
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,020
-(grunts)
-Ow!
263
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,191
{\an8}Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
264
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:18,571
Huh. Let's see what
cousin Jessica's up to.
265
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:25,161
There's a woman
who's got it all under control.
266
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,456
Hmm?
267
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,542
(gasps) Ooh!
268
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,962
Marge, your hair-- it's fantastic!
269
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,464
Well, thank you.
270
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,966
No, thank you for your bravery.
271
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,468
(grumbles)
272
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,928
I hope I look half as good as you
273
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,764
when I give up.
274
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:47,099
Such audacity!
275
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,143
Grandma had hair like that
276
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:52,229
when she went to sleep in her forever box.
277
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,231
(grumbles)
278
00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,990
You can't listen to those women, Mom.
279
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:04,533
Change threatens them.
280
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,660
They didn't like it
when the Springfield Shopper
281
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,537
started printing in color.
282
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,997
Neither did I.
283
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,958
I didn't want to know what color
the Statue of Liberty was.
284
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,336
But you know what? I was wrong.
285
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:17,671
-And these ladies are, too.
-(beeping)
286
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,549
Ma'am, do you have any
kind of a discount card?
287
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,092
What kind of card?
288
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:25,554
Well, you know,
maybe you belong to the A.A...
289
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,389
The A.A.? No!
290
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,183
Oh, no, I meant the A.A...
291
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:30,643
A.A.A.?
292
00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:32,436
No, I'm not in Triple-A.
293
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,189
I don't like their Westways magazine.
294
00:13:35,272 --> 00:13:36,690
They'll give four diamonds
295
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,943
to any place that's got
a lid on the toilet.
296
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:42,530
No, I meant the A.A... R...
297
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:47,117
P?! (gasps)
298
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:49,954
The A.A.R.P.?!
299
00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:51,956
Well, that tears it.
300
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,458
I don't want this milk,
and I'm not gonna take it back.
301
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:58,045
That's okay. We have a young man
who does that for you.
302
00:13:58,128 --> 00:14:01,090
Right here, ma'am. Oh, boy, a put-back!
303
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,759
I hope it takes me by the freezer section.
304
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,555
Stick my head in the pizza case,
it's like a ski vacation!
305
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,724
I can imagine the pepperonis
are Swiss chalets
306
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:14,228
nestled in a big layer of mozzarella snow!
307
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:18,399
Bart, eyewitnesses
to your fight described you
308
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,068
as "berserkoid," "totally aggro,"
309
00:14:21,151 --> 00:14:23,904
and said you punched Milhouse,
"like, 50 billion times."
310
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,323
That's an excessive number of times.
311
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,243
What's bothering you, son?
312
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:31,328
I-I don't want to talk about it.
313
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,414
Thank God. I don't want to, either.
314
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:38,335
Remember, Bart,
anything you say here is confidential.
315
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:39,920
Can we close the door?
316
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:42,339
Oh, there is no door. State regulations.
317
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,466
-Hey, Bart!
-Still freaking out
318
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,678
'cause your mom aged 30 years in a day?
319
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,305
Don't judge them too harshly.
320
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,681
They recently learned they were once
321
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,474
two-thirds of conjoined triplets.
322
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,268
And the third one is out for revenge.
323
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,438
Now, Bart, share your most
intimate thoughts with me.
324
00:14:57,521 --> 00:14:59,106
I don't think I want to.
325
00:14:59,189 --> 00:15:01,150
Oh. Well, maybe it'd be easier
326
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,570
for you to talk to my colleague,
Dr. Thera-bear.
327
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,448
Well...
328
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,366
Hold on. I'm not allowed in the room
329
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,285
while you talk to the bear.
330
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:12,870
(humming)
331
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:17,708
All right, I know there's
a camera in you somewhere.
332
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,377
(grunting)
333
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:24,715
They never think to look behind
the jazz-fest poster.
334
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:28,719
(grumbles) So it's true.
335
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,013
Your hair committed blue-icide.
336
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,848
(laughter)
337
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,017
I thought you'd be more supportive.
338
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,019
I mean, you went gray yourselves.
339
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,228
No, we didn't.
340
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,606
This is just smoke and ash.
341
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,990
So what does your husband, Vidal Baboon,
342
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:52,326
-think of the new look?
-He loves it!
343
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,371
He calls me his silver belle.
344
00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,122
That means he hates it.
345
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,415
If he really liked it,
346
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,085
he'd just paw at it
instead of getting all clever.
347
00:16:01,168 --> 00:16:04,129
Why are you always trying to
cause trouble with me and Homer?
348
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,131
Our marriage is rock solid!
349
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:09,385
So, do you think Homer is gonna be
at Club Zipless tonight?
350
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:10,636
I sure hope so.
351
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,720
(startled gasp)
352
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,430
Oops, dropped my stirrer.
353
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:14,890
-D'oh!
-D'oh!
354
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,308
(horrified gasp)
355
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,395
Well, Marge, ready to kick
Homer to the curb?
356
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,146
I can bend him like Beckham.
357
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,774
Sorry, but I'm fighting for my man!
358
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:26,110
Give me a double espresso to go.
359
00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,695
Ma'am, are you sure that's wise,
360
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,114
with what I presume
is your heart condition?
361
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,865
Ooh!
362
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,743
(engine starts)
363
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,036
(tires screech)
364
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,539
Whoo! Go, granny, go!
365
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:40,582
(tires squeal)
366
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,710
Aw, geez, she's coming back!
367
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,586
Run, bullies, run!
368
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:58,726
Look out, chicks.
369
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:01,478
The silver fox is coming to the henhouse.
370
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,939
-(tires screeching)
-(shrieks)
371
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:09,236
(panting) I'm okay, I'm okay.
372
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,196
(coughs)
373
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,200
Brambles!
374
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:16,618
(frustrated growls)
375
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,038
("Mrs. Gulch's Theme"
from The Wizard of Oz plays)
376
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,123
(frustrated grunts)
377
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,919
(exhaust fan turns on)
378
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:29,131
{\an8}-(Marge cries out)
-(cats yowling)
379
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,425
{\an8}Shoo! Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo!
380
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,808
I'm looking for Homer Simpson.
381
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,351
What, did he eat your candy house
382
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:42,936
and push you into the oven?
383
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,856
Odd, that's what the valet just asked me.
384
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,691
-How ya doin'?
-Nice to see ya.
385
00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:49,485
-Life is good?
-Can't complain.
386
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:50,861
Can't or won't?
387
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:53,989
You just crossed a line, pally. Mm.
388
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,241
(dance music playing)
389
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,702
Oh, Homer, I've never seen a drunk
390
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,579
hold his vomit like you.
391
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:01,955
(playful roar)
392
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,791
(tipsy) I do keep it together.
393
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,834
(chuckles)
394
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,420
-Oh. Who is that?
-I don't know, but she looks...
395
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:11,090
Uh-oh. Usually when it gets this quiet
396
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,425
Mr. Burns is standing behind me.
397
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,427
Actually, I'm standing in front of you.
398
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,262
I decided to hit the local nighteries
399
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:18,722
with my trusted wingman.
400
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,432
(British accent)
I flew the first packet
401
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:23,143
of royal mail across the Khyber Pass,
402
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,562
dodging the poison-tipped spears
403
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:27,564
of the dreaded Zim-Zam Tribe.
404
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:30,442
(chuckles) So, which of you
wants to be the sliced haddock
405
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,611
in a geezer sandwich?
406
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:36,156
Hmm. There's a lot of beefcake
on the grill tonight.
407
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,367
Get your hands off my husband!
408
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,701
(shrieks)
409
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,871
This is a situation I call
"The Doctor Is Out." Voop.
410
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,957
Marge, what are you doing here?
411
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,251
This bar is for singles and wingmen only.
412
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,794
That's your wife?
413
00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,713
Do you see her as we see her?
414
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,966
(angry growling)
415
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,384
(grunts)
416
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,386
-(women scream)
-(grunts)
417
00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,305
Marge, Marge, put down that broom.
418
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,100
You've got nothing to be afraid of
from them.
419
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,060
I'm a wingman.
420
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,603
Part of a great tradition
421
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,897
including Val Kilmer from Top Gun,
422
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,941
Wedge Antilles from Star Wars,
423
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,110
and me, from now.
424
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,404
And you know why I'm a great wingman?
425
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,030
Because I have the confidence
426
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:20,826
that comes from knowing
I get to go home to you.
427
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,161
Oh.
428
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,579
(sniffs)
429
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,623
And you know what else this
whole experience has taught me?
430
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:29,543
True beauty isn't about hair color?
431
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,128
Probably.
432
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:34,715
But be honest...
when I say "beautiful woman,"
433
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,550
what pops into your head?
434
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:44,850
Well, I guess I do have a type.
435
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:53,567
Mom, your choice to go back to blue
is so empowering.
436
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:56,695
But you said going from
blue to gray was empowering.
437
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,572
Well, as a feminist, virtually anything
438
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:01,033
-a woman does is empowering.
-Oh.
439
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:03,368
Is my job creating power empowering?
440
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:06,038
No. It's oddly dehumanizing.
441
00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:08,707
Hey, Dad, did you color your hair, too?
442
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:09,750
(laughs)
443
00:20:09,833 --> 00:20:12,294
Only my hairdresser knows for sure.
444
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,006
Oh, hello, young man!
445
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,466
Where's your father?
446
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,635
He's dying in a retirement home.
447
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,762
Now kiss me.
448
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,764
("Love Is Blue" plays)
449
00:20:41,573 --> 00:20:44,868
{\an8}("Mrs. Gulch's Theme"
from The Wizard of Oz plays)
450
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,740
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh!
451
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,955
{\an8}Subtitled by M. Tan