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CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(theme music playing)
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D'oh!
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(tires screech)
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(screams)
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(sniffing, panting)
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(slurping, burping)
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{\an8}Hey, look, the late shift's leaving.
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{\an8}I don't like those guys.
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{\an8}Yeah, they think they're better
than us just because
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{\an8}their performance reviews
reflect that fact.
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{\an8}Oh, no. I left a candy bar in my desk.
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{\an8}That's funny, 'cause I found
this candy bar in my desk.
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Time to punch in.
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(grunting)
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(all grunting)
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("Sing, Sing, Sing" playing)
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(whistle blowing)
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{\an8}Sir, the shifts are fighting
like Iran and Iraq.
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{\an8}-Who?
-Persia and Mesopotamia.
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{\an8}-Hush!
-Sign your full legal name here,
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{\an8}and your will shall be fully executed.
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{\an8}Charles Montgomery Plantagenet...
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{\an8}Schicklgruber... Burns.
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{\an8}Sir, is that your will?
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{\an8}It is. I know it's hard
to see a young buck like me
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{\an8}and think of a day
when I'm no longer in the pink.
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{\an8}(sneezes)
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{\an8}We just need one more
set of initials here.
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{\an8}Quickly, now. We're almost
through the half hour per day
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{\an8}where you're mentally competent.
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{\an8}-And... demented.
-(clock chimes)
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(projector clicking
as piano plays jaunty tune)
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Yah! Yah!
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{\an8}Yoink!
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{\an8}Yah! Yah!
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{\an8}(shrieks) A dinosaur!
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(crow caws)
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(door creaking)
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(mechanical whirring)
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{\an8}(creaking)
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BURNS: "I, C. Montgomery Burns,
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hereby divide my estate in equal shares
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to the Yale University
Department of Applied Evil,
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Gary from Gary's Trapdoor
Installation and Repair,
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and finally, my faithful
and constant companion..."
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-Your tortoise?!
-Yes.
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{\an8}It always saddens me that you and Sheldon
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{\an8}have never gotten along.
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{\an8}Sir, how could you leave me
out of your will?
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{\an8}I'm your right-hand man, your guy Friday!
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{\an8}Smithers, you are the campiest
of my aides-de-camp,
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{\an8}but I'm afraid my true
admiration is reserved
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{\an8}for the self-made man.
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{\an8}No Steve Woz-ni-ak thee.
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{\an8}So... you don't respect me?
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{\an8}No, not until you earn it.
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{\an8}Until then, I will never
see you as my equal.
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{\an8}-Smithers... wait!
-Yes, sir?
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{\an8}In case you didn't hear me,
I said I will never see you
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{\an8}as my equal.
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{\an8}-I heard you very clearly, sir.
-Excellent.
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(spray paint can rattling and hissing)
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-Hmm.
-(music playing in club)
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Here's a place I can feel wanted.
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{\an8}You with the six-pack-- you're in.
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{\an8}You with the Ben Affleck chin
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{\an8}and the Matt Damon everything else.
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{\an8}Guess what? You're in!
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{\an8}In, in, in.
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{\an8}Uh, in your dreams.
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{\an8}Oh, come on. I've had a rough day.
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{\an8}With the buzz cut and the bow tie?
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{\an8}This is a nightclub,
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{\an8}not a John F. Kennedy cabinet meeting.
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(laughter)
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(sighs)
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{\an8}Can I have a Scotch and water?
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{\an8}My Scotch is a Scotch and water.
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Heh. Business is slow, huh?
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Yeah. Frankly, I'm surprised
you're not across the street,
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where they drink for fun, instead of here,
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where, uh, horrible addiction compels you.
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They won't let me in.
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No one wants an executive assistant
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who only works out six hours a day.
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If only this town had a men's bar
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for the average-looking fellow.
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BURNS: True admiration. Self-made man.
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Kill the other two heads.
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True admiration. Self-made man.
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Kill them before they suspect.
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Suspect what?
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Huh? Huh?
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Listen, what if I helped you turn this bar
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into a hangout for guys like me?
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Uh-huh.
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Just so it's clear what I'm proposing,
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the men I'm talking about are...
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(whispering) men... dinner parties.
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Whoa-ho-ho, whoa, whoa, whoa!
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Uh, no offense, uh, but, uh,
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I just ain't comfortable
hanging around all night with,
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uh, you know, whatchamacallit,
uh, swish kabobs.
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Mm, yeah, right. That's too bad.
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Could have been fun.
Could have made a little money.
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Yeah, you know, thank you,
but, uh, I'm very happy
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with my clientele as they are.
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Hey, Moe, two more for me and my buddy.
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That was my grandmother's wedding urinal!
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All right, that's it.
We are changing this place up.
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MOE: Whoa, check that out!
Stuff is getting done!
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Look at them renovations!
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And... finished!
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After this, ain't no turning back.
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(grunts)
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B-E! Four points.
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I challenge!
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Sorry, hobbits.
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It's back to the Shire for you. Slam!
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Oh, gentlemen, there is no need
to head home so soon.
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-Hmm...
-Ew!
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Isn't that the place where all
those rats committed suicide?
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(chuckling)
Oh, it's totally different now.
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And it welcomes men
with a few extra pounds
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or a little less hair.
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-(exclaiming)
-What a great idea!
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What about super-hairy Wonder Woman?
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No problem.
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Thank you for humoring me.
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So, uh, what would you gentlemen like?
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(laughing) I mean, I know what you'd like,
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and, hey, why wouldn't you like it?
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Oh, ain't being comfortable
with something weird the best?
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I'm gonna pour some beers now.
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(laughter and lively party chatter)
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Huh?
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Hey, something's different about Moe's.
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-There's no chicks here.
-There's never any chicks here.
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Somehow, there's more
no chicks here than usual.
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Something's changed.
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There's a sense of acceptance in the air.
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Hey, what's that guy doing
in the men's room?
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(gasps) He's washing his hands.
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LENNY: I'm never gonna get
that image out of my head.
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Look, I have turned this bar
into every other kind of bar,
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and it never worked.
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{\an8}MOE: Total disaster.
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{\an8}A complete bomb.
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{\an8}Utter failure.
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{\an8}Uh, dream I painted.
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And in this economy,
a man needs to find new customers
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while keeping his old best friends.
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So, what do you say?
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Hey, there's nothing against it
in the bible.
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HOMER: Hmm...
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-(muttering agreement)
-Uh-huh.
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Wait a minute!
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-Your standard markup is 400%?
-Now give me that!
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Don't you dare question the gospel
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according to Dr. Swig McJigger.
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He's drinking his own brains.
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(playing "My Country, 'Tis of Thee")
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Children, I have an announcement.
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Today is my last day
as your music teacher.
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(whispers) Come on,
pretend he meant something to you.
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(exclaiming to stay)
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Oh, bless your little hearts.
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This is a happy thing.
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I met my soul mate at a local tavern.
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There he is!
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ALL: Aw.
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I'm not the soul mate!
I'm dating one of your mothers.
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I-I forget whose.
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Anyway, I-I'm here to introduce
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your new music teacher, Ms. Juniper.
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Honey, just teach the one
with the starfish head,
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and you'll be okay.
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Teach? (laughs)
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You can't teach music.
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You embrace music.
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Oh, you inhale music.
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You roll around in
a pile of music until...
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(sniffs deeply) ...the scent of music
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is on you forever!
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-Mm, good luck with that.
-(car horn honks)
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Tick-tock, Dewey! Tanglewood beckons!
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Coming, Dewey! We're both named Dewey.
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Drumroll, please!
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(sighs)
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You know, this is the first time
I've ever been at Moe's
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without that little voice
in the back of my head saying,
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"This is not a safe place to drink."
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Check out my tolerance, Marge.
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I'm going to use the men's room.
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Hey, I didn't know you were, uh,
you know, one of those...
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I am not Comic Book Guy.
I am his cousin, Comic Book Gay.
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But you do like comic books.
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Certain kinds.
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Oh, honey, no one's gonna believe
that wig is real.
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What do you mean, wig?
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00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,942
And about that voice.
203
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Hmm. What's wrong with her voice?
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Steve, is that you?
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I'm gonna knock you inside out.
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Doctor already did.
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-Hey, Moe!
-Looking good.
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Mm-hmm.
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He is cute with a capital scrumptious.
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{\an8}Uh, Moe, tomorrow's Gay Day at Krustyland.
211
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:02,625
{\an8}Want to come?
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00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,252
Oh. Oh, Grizzly Shawn,
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00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,379
that's so nice of you to think of me,
214
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,589
but, uh, the Tony Awards are that night,
215
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,967
and I'll be too keyed up to have fun.
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Maybe some other time.
217
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Moe, do these guys think
you're one of them?
218
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Why would they think that?
219
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,894
Oh, I love you, Neil Patrick Hairless.
220
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,900
(music playing)
221
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Huh. Yeah, maybe I should clear the air.
222
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:34,824
(music stops)
223
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:35,992
(music stops playing on stereo)
224
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Uh, excuse me, fellas. Excuse me!
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First of all, thank you.
226
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This bar was on its last legs.
227
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,041
I was gonna have to move in with Ma,
228
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who's dead and doesn't have a house.
229
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,336
So, would not have been good.
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(all agreeing)
231
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,258
But now there's, uh,
there's something I got to tell youse.
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00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:54,844
Um...
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If you tell them you're straight,
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they just might go somewhere else.
235
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:01,976
All right, all right, good point,
236
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:04,103
but, uh, let's hear from Angel Moe.
237
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:05,938
I am Angel Moe.
238
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,773
(grunting)
239
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,860
(demonic laugh)
240
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:15,031
So, anyway, uh,
what I wanted to say was, uh...
241
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everybody vogue!
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(music plays)
243
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:32,089
-(strumming guitar)
-Children, if I learned anything
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from my years as a groupie
for the Dave Matthews Band,
245
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it was to listen.
246
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,931
So now you listen
to the string quartet of birds,
247
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,892
river and wind and...
248
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,020
(panting)
We haven't met... (coughs)
249
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...but something terrible has happened.
250
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:51,275
You misfiled the... permission slips.
251
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:54,278
You keep the green. I need the white.
252
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:59,158
Hey, come back to Earth,
Mr. Permission Man.
253
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,493
You're all right.
254
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:03,746
♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪
255
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:07,375
♪ Lives up on the hill ♪
256
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:11,045
♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪
257
00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:14,048
♪ Sitting very still ♪
258
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:18,594
♪ Is she sleeping? I don't think so ♪
259
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,556
♪ Is she breathing? Yes, very low ♪
260
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:26,769
♪ Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love? ♪
261
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,817
♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪
262
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,485
♪ Rides a dappled mare ♪
263
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,862
SKINNER: ♪ Strum, strum, strum... ♪
264
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:40,449
-(song trails off)
-♪ Jennifer Juniper... ♪
265
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:44,995
Well, sir, what do you think
of my business?
266
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,914
Ooh, a splendid gentlemen's club.
267
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:50,167
You've earned my respect.
268
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:57,842
Hey, Smithers, I didn't know
you were a geezer-pleaser.
269
00:11:57,925 --> 00:11:59,844
Having a "lemon party"?
270
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:02,930
Ooh, a good old-fashioned lemon party.
271
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,432
I call first squeeze.
272
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:05,433
Mmm...
273
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:08,144
Sir, we are way past your bedtime.
274
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:11,605
So, Moe, you wanna go
to a Grease sing-along?
275
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,024
You can be the Doody to my Frenchie.
276
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:17,153
Oh, yeah, oh, I'm so sorry, uh,
277
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:20,030
but tonight I've got
a long-overdue manscaping.
278
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,949
Yeah, but have fun.
279
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:24,452
"'Cause you're the one that I want."
280
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,203
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
281
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:28,873
Psst.
282
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,294
Moe, have you been telling
the men here that you're...
283
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,837
"one of them"?
284
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,590
Hey, it's the bartender's job
to agree with the customer.
285
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:38,799
Now, enough chitchat.
286
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,509
I gotta put up this painting.
287
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,344
Mm-hmm.
288
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,014
A Tom of Shelbyville? (groans)
289
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:46,515
Just relax there, Waylon.
290
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,058
We got a great thing goin' on.
291
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,977
Now we can afford real bowls of pretzels
292
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:53,272
instead of trompe l'oeiling
them on the bar.
293
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,232
{\an8}(humming tune) Huh?
294
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,777
{\an8}(squeaking)
295
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,279
{\an8}Ah. Got one.
296
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:03,699
(choking, gasping)
297
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,826
(clawing)
298
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,536
-(scraping)
-(wheezing)
299
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,709
What am I doing here, Seymour?
300
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,711
The thing I'm planning
hasn't even gone off yet.
301
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,129
(screaming)
302
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,215
That wasn't me, and you're my alibi.
303
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,175
Yes, well... (clears throat)
304
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:25,221
I might have a crush
on the music sub, Ms. Juniper.
305
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,597
Simpson, here's my plan.
306
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:27,598
(groans)
307
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,475
Ms. Juniper is divorced,
308
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,644
and her daughter Melody
is in the third grade.
309
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,938
Oh, yeah, her.
310
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,606
{\an8}Classic space case.
311
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:38,692
Well, if you took "space case" on a date
312
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,779
and brought me to chaperone
along with her mother...
313
00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:43,030
I see how it is.
314
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,741
You get a booty call
and I get a cootie call.
315
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,618
Well, it's gonna cost ya.
316
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,620
How would you like two weeks
of spring break?
317
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:52,790
Triple spring break plus
four weeks at Christmas.
318
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:53,958
(grumbles)
319
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,544
No, if, if the state finds out,
they'll shut us down.
320
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:59,296
-Okay, have fun dying alone.
-Deal.
321
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,966
(video game zapping)
322
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,885
I can't believe I'm playing
videogames with Bart Simpson.
323
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,388
I've sketched you so many times
in my dream journal.
324
00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:09,056
(Bart groans)
325
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,100
Great, baby. Get me some more tokens.
326
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,478
(beatboxing)
327
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:18,315
Oh, Bart rides that board with a passion
328
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,150
of an Arapaho ghost dancer.
329
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:23,070
You know, passion has always
been a passion of mine.
330
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,407
(Bart grumbles)
331
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,576
Uh, something else about me
332
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,328
is that I'm thinking of becoming
an excellent cook.
333
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:34,999
♪ Would you love her?
Yes, I would, sir... ♪
334
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,293
-Dance with me.
-What? Here?
335
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,461
Right next to the Nacho-Cano?
336
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,964
-I like you, Seymour.
-You do?
337
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,340
(voice breaking) But why?
338
00:14:43,424 --> 00:14:45,509
I mean... (deep voice) but why?
339
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:48,178
(shushes) Words are your enemy, my love.
340
00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:50,598
Melody is staying at her father's tonight,
341
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,183
and, well, I can't dance by myself...
342
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,768
although I do.
343
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,856
Can you believe it?
344
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:02,067
-Oh, this is an outrage.
-This morning I was like...
345
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,277
(upbeat)
♪ Ding-a-ling-a-ling ♪
346
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,403
and now I'm like...
347
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:06,947
(downbeat)
♪ Dong-dong-dong ♪
348
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,449
Boys, relax,
349
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,493
have a drink
and tell Mama Moe all about it.
350
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:13,287
The city won't let us march
351
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,664
in the Springfield Founder's Parade.
352
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,250
Well, who needs them?
We can have our own parade.
353
00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,878
We do. We have, like, 20 of them.
354
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,714
But we're sick of being
second-class citizens.
355
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,466
Things will never change
until one of us
356
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,092
is on the town council.
357
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,969
Moe should run.
358
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:32,306
He's the heart of this town's
gay community.
359
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,558
-(scowling)
-Will you do it, Moe?
360
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,101
Will you become Springfield's first
361
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,895
openly gay city councilman?
362
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,439
Heh. Well, I think if you guys can manage
363
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,650
to go into the voting booth one at a time,
364
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,401
then I can manage to win.
365
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:46,278
-(cheering)
-Hooray for Moe!
366
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:49,490
Moe, can I discuss an inventory issue
367
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,450
with you in the back room?
368
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,452
(nervous chuckle)
369
00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,579
You can't be these people's leader
370
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,873
if you're lying to them about who you are.
371
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,458
You're not gay.
372
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,794
Whew. I thought it was an inventory issue.
373
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,212
That's a big relief.
374
00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,923
Now don't worry, I'll let them down easy.
375
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:07,716
In four years!
376
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,093
(bar patrons cheering)
377
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:11,261
Yes! Your queen is back!
378
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,888
(grunts)
379
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,643
♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪
380
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:18,894
♪ Not literally ♪
381
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,147
♪ It means that I'm happy post-coitally ♪
382
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,191
♪ It was on a school night... ♪
383
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,776
Skinner!
384
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:28,320
That song needed no lyrical improvement.
385
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:29,863
Gary...
386
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:32,157
Gary, you know what you need?
387
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,284
A little honey in your yogurt.
388
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:37,579
Skinner! You're a regular Casanova.
389
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,665
Or in English, "new house."
390
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,210
Come on! Come to life!
391
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,878
I swear I'll be nice to you.
392
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,880
Can I do a handstand against you?
393
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,091
(grudgingly) Sure.
394
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:50,426
(sighs)
395
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,720
Melody, you're a great girl,
396
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,931
but I see you as more of a sister,
397
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,933
and I don't like my sister.
398
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,520
You're breaking up with me... upside down?
399
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,773
(sobbing)
Raggedy Ann was so right about you.
400
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,694
Thanks to you,
Melody's mother is so upset,
401
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:10,571
she's moving them out of town.
402
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,072
Good-bye, Seymour.
403
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,492
Think of me whenever you see
a tattoo you don't understand.
404
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:19,038
Calliope, is there anything
I can say to make you stay?
405
00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,373
No. But you can say you'll come with us.
406
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,209
Leave with you?
I'll have to check with Mother.
407
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,545
MRS. SKINNER:
Seymour, I found a ticket stub
408
00:17:26,628 --> 00:17:28,589
for a James Bond movie in your pants.
409
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,007
Explain yourself!
410
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:33,177
Well, it-it, uh, took place
in a country we teach about.
411
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,637
Fibs break baby Jesus's ribs.
412
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:36,805
(dial tone)
413
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,099
Look, I don't know
how long this will last.
414
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,350
It could be a day.
415
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,102
It could be the rest of our lives.
416
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:45,397
But you'll never know
unless you take this chance.
417
00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,900
Give yourself permission.
418
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,871
Willie, you're principal now.
419
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,165
Really? Who's the new groundskeeper?
420
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,209
Also you, and you don't get more money.
421
00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:07,419
-(groans)
-Yes.
422
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,172
(fanfare plays)
423
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,678
(microphone feedback squeal)
424
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:20,099
My name is Moe Szyslak,
and I'm here to elect me.
425
00:18:20,182 --> 00:18:21,683
(cheering)
426
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,936
-Hello, Moe.
-Uh, hey there.
427
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:27,272
Well, it's my business partner,
Mr. Smithers.
428
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,982
Nice of you to drop by
429
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,777
and not say nothin'
that costs nobody no election.
430
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,654
But, Moe, how can you be their leader
431
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:36,198
when you're not one of them?
432
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:38,325
-(all gasp)
-I am one of them.
433
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,870
Hey, I only read Hustler
to see the pictures of Larry Flynt.
434
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,039
Sounds great. But first, answer me this--
435
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,791
Do you find me attractive?
436
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:47,584
Oh, yeah, yeah.
437
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:50,295
Like all gays, I'm attracted to all men.
438
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,715
Most insidious stereotype ever.
439
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,884
You're cute. You want to go out later?
440
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,387
Whoever said that, yes.
441
00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,931
All right, if you're attracted to me,
442
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,641
then kiss me, Moe.
443
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,563
Okay. Okay, uh, prepare to be kissed.
444
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,898
Ha, here we go.
445
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,818
Giving in to my natural urges.
446
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:16,071
Okay, a few jumping jacks just to warm up.
447
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:20,742
Okay, here comes the airplane.
448
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,625
I'm sorry, everyone.
449
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,377
Oh, this is the most embarrassing thing
450
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,130
I've ever had to say, but... I ain't gay!
451
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,632
-(all gasping)
-Oh, Moe.
452
00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:38,010
How could you lie about who you are
453
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,554
when who we are is all we are?
454
00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,139
I didn't mean to.
455
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:44,266
At first, I was only gay for your money.
456
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:47,269
And-And I had real,
deep feelings for that money.
457
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:49,730
But then I-I felt accepted by you
458
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:52,399
in a way that I'd never been before.
459
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,443
I just wish you people could know
460
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,820
what it's like to want acceptance.
461
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,405
Well, so who you gonna vote for?
462
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:01,825
Me, or a Republican
whose record is so anti-gay,
463
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,453
he's clearly secretly super gay.
464
00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:09,291
Now we don't know who to vote for,
the liar or the denier.
465
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,168
Once again the powers that be
466
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:14,963
have spurned our request
for basic human equality.
467
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:18,884
Must not the heavens
themselves cry with rage?
468
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:22,179
(thunder crashing)
469
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:25,933
-How did you do that?
-Classical training.
470
00:20:26,016 --> 00:20:27,851
(crowd murmuring)
471
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,188
I'm very sorry.
472
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,190
I-I had to do what I thought was right.
473
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,984
Well, as long as I got nothin' to lose...
474
00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,488
Not bad.
475
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,824
Like Frisbee golf,
I'm glad I tried it once.
476
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,373
What happened?
477
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,208
Well, it could have been a day,
478
00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,252
it could have been the rest of my life.
479
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,253
And?
480
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,838
(sighs) It was only a day.
481
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,799
You've been gone for three months.
482
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:01,260
-Groovy.
-(bells jingle)
483
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,303
(music playing)
484
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,058
{\an8}MOE: Puttin' everything back.
485
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,519
{\an8}Undo. Undo. Undo.
486
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:13,522
{\an8}Sports page back over the urinal,
and done.
487
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:19,319
{\an8}♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪
488
00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:22,197
{\an8}♪ Sitting very still ♪
489
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:27,286
{\an8}♪ Is she sleeping? I don't think so ♪
490
00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:30,706
{\an8}♪ Is she breathing? Yes, very low ♪
491
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:35,043
{\an8}♪ Whatcha doing, Jennifer, my love? ♪
492
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,508
{\an8}♪ Jennifer Juniper ♪
493
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:45,429
{\an8}♪ Rides a dappled mare ♪
494
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:46,638
{\an8}(song fading out) ♪ Jennifer... ♪
495
00:21:46,722 --> 00:21:48,724
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh.
496
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,980
{\an8}Subtitled by Janine Okazaki