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<i>CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪</i>

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(crow caws)

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(theme music playing)

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D'oh!

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(tires screeching)

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(grunts)

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(whirring)

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(grunting)

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(whooshing)

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(screeching)

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(yells)

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(Homer panting)

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(screeching)

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(Bart grunts)

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-(zapping)
-(yells)

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(music playing)

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{\an8}PILOT: (screams) We're unbalanced!

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{\an8}It's not fair!

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{\an8}(explosion)

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{\an8}I'd like to call to order
this secret conclave

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{\an8}of America's media empires.

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{\an8}We are here to come up with
the next phony baloney crisis

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{\an8}to put Americans back where they belong--

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{\an8}in dark rooms, glued to their televisions,

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{\an8}too terrified to skip the commercials.

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{\an8}-Well, I think...
-NBC, you are here

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{\an8}to listen and not speak!

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{\an8}I think we should go with
a good old-fashioned

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{\an8}-public health scare.
-(murmuring)

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{\an8}A new disease! No one's immune!

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{\an8}It's like the summer of the shark,

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{\an8}except instead of a shark,
it's an epidemic...

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{\an8}and instead of summer, it's all the time!

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{\an8}-(agreeing murmurs)
-MAN: That is smokin'!

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{\an8}Now I hate to be the guy who derails

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{\an8}what everybody else loves...

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{\an8}He loves being that guy.

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{\an8}But, Janice, we do have standards.

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{\an8}This can't be a made-up disease.

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{\an8}The only moral thing to do

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{\an8}is release a deadly virus
into the general public.

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{\an8}We do have something

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{\an8}we've been holding onto,
but it hasn't been tested.

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{\an8}Get over here, NBC.

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{\an8}(chuckling) Well,

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{\an8}we certainly believe in testing, but I...

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{\an8}Oh! (woozy moan)

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{\an8}(struggling breaths)

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{\an8}-Wow. Wow!
-Oh, yeah!

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{\an8}So, we've got our deadly disease.

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{\an8}Now we just have to blame it on something

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{\an8}that's in every household...

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{\an8}something that people are
a little bit afraid of already.

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{\an8}Housecat Flu is coming, people!

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The Center for Disease Disinformation
predicts

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with some degree of probability
that the Housecat Flu

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might spread in the following

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hypothetical outbreak pattern.

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(congested coughing)

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So petter beware, that warm body
on your lap just might be

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ready to destroy your tender vittles.

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-(purring)
-(screams)

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(meows)

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Springfielders are advised to
stay tuned for more information

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if they experience any of
the following symptoms--

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mild thirst, occasional hunger,
tiredness at night...

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(clamoring voices)

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You know, I don't know when
this was ever a good idea.

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(meows)

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{\an8}(meowing)

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{\an8}Hurry up, boy!

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{\an8}We have to burn everything
the cat touched,

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{\an8}before the virus makes us paranoid!

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{\an8}Homer!

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{\an8}Stop burning!

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{\an8}They have a vaccine!

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{\an8}All right. We'll get the vaccine.

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{\an8}(grunts, yawns)

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{\an8}Homer, did you know he was in the pile?

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{\an8}I thought he was an old clump of rags.

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(clamoring voices)

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{\an8}Don't worry, people.
We have enough vaccines for...

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{\an8}one child per family.

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{\an8}KRUSTY: I don't even have a kid
that I admit to having.

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{\an8}Please use your time in line wisely

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{\an8}to "Sophie's Choice" your child.

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{\an8}-(irate grumbling)
-What a crook!

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{\an8}This isn't the line for a movie.

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{\an8}Why are you wearing that costume?

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{\an8}Because, you see, I am afraid of needles,

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{\an8}but Wolverine is not.

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Snikt! Snikt!

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(ice cream truck tune plays)

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(groans)

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Need... acceptable currency... Ooh...

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for delicious treat... Ooh!

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(old-fashioned horn honks)

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Mr. Burns? Where's he going?

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-(tires screeching)
-(thudding)

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Yes, I'd like 37 snifters
of your influenza syrup.

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One for me, one for Smithers here,

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and the rest for my hounds.

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Give him what he wants.

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He's the only taxpayer in this town.

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But, Mr. Mayor, these people
have waited in line.

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And dogs can't even get the disease.

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They'll see me take it
and they'll want some.

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(softly) Yes, you will.

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Yes, you will, you little jelly belly.

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Sir, perhaps we should get out of here,

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before people start resenting you.

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Oh! Hurry up and get in!

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I'll drive.

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(engine starts)

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-(tires screech)
-Whoopsie.

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(crowd clamoring)

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Hurry, everyone! Roll in the shards!

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-Come on! Like this! (grunting)
-(glass tinkling)

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Healthy. Gettin' healthy. Ow!

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Gettin' healthy... and very sleepy.

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(sighs wearily)

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(gasps) Ahh!

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I feel as hale and hearty as an eohippus.

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Mr. Burns, I did a little
blood work earlier today,

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and I'm afraid I've got
a bit of hard news.

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Spit it out, Doctor!
I haven't got all day.

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Yes, you certainly don't.

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You see, I'm afraid you're dying.

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-(gasps)
-Dying?!

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Yes. It's a number of factors, really--

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whooping cough, hectic fever,

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cancrum otis, Wellington's ooze,

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the Lambeth plague, and skull collapse.

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How long do I have?

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Five, six weeks tops.

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You might live to see
the Wheat-Eared Warbler

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return to Swinton Park.

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But I wouldn't count on it.

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(hard swallow)

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You... want me to tell the employees, sir?

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No. It's better that they hear it from me.

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I'll tell them the truth
in the simplest way I know how.

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(lively music plays)

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Aw, why did Burns make us all come here?

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I bet he's got something up his sleeve.

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I don't like that he hired a band
to play ominous music.

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(slow jazz playing)

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(microphone feedback)

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Good evening.

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I have very sad news for all of you.

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(grumbling, murmurs)

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Or maybe he's going to
jack up our electric rates.

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Whew! I will have to hand-crank
my wiener warmer.

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Hand-crank my wiener warmer!

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The truth is... I'm dying.

156
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Hell, yeah!

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Finally, a break for the black man!

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This better not be a gag!

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It's not! My days are Roman-numeraled!

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(cheering)

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Stop this! Stop this at once, or I'll...

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Or what?
You're just gonna die soon anyway!

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(laughter)

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I'm warning you!

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You are making a very powerful
temporary enemy!

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Sir, you'd better not rile them up.

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The first course is oysters
on the half shell.

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(wild slurping)

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-(crowd shouting)
-(grunting)

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I see. I'm well and truly hated.

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However, you will change your tune

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when you see the legacy
I'm leaving behind me.

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I'm leaving all my money to an orchard

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that will grow inedible
"me"-shaped fruits.

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They're as addictive
as they are poisonous.

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(melodramatic piano music plays)

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Melt his ice sculpture!

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(clamoring)

179
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It's starting to drip!

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(laughing maniacally)

181
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<i>♪ La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la... ♪</i>

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I haven't a friend in the world.

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-You have me, sir.
-I pay you, Smithers.

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No kind of love can come
from one man paying another.

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-Well, but there's...
-I'll just retire to my bed.

186
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Uh... that's where we put
everyone's coats.

187
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Shred them in the wood chipper,
and use the rags to wax my car.

188
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{\an8}(grinding)

189
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(huffs) Why does everyone hate me?

190
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(grinding)

191
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Sir, what are you doing?

192
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Smithers, I want to die quietly,
on my own terms...

193
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crushing as many of those baby
sea turtles as I possibly can.

194
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Good-bye, insufficiently cruel world!

195
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(sobbing) Oh, no...

196
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,429
(grunting)

197
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(thunderclap, zapping)

198
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,939
(zany thudding)

199
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Anthill, wasp nest,

200
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,783
moose poop, Mr. Burns...

201
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,243
Mr. Burns?!

202
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,578
(moans)

203
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,580
My poop stick
has brought him back to life!

204
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,291
But which end? (sniffs)

205
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,334
(gasps) What do you want?

206
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,587
Come on, man, leave me alone.

207
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,589
Friend?

208
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,341
You my mommy-daddy-puppy?

209
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,844
Whoa! Your brains have turned to oatmeal!

210
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,096
My name Oatmeal?

211
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,265
This is too weird, man.

212
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:00,933
(panting)

213
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,560
Wait for Oatmeal!

214
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,353
(groans)

215
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,856
-Hmm.
-(whimpers)

216
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,190
(grumbles)

217
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:12,778
-(groaning)
-Oh!

218
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,447
What am I gonna do with you?

219
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,949
(humming a tune)

220
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,826
Look, I know you're cool now,

221
00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,911
but my dad hates you more than celery,

222
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:24,123
and my mom said no new pets,
so I'm hiding you in my room.

223
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,792
Oatmeal accept premise.

224
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:28,919
MARGE: Bart, who are you talking to?

225
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,130
(Mr. Burns whining)

226
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,052
And what's all that noise?

227
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,304
Ah, I'm playing with my
Sergeant Activity doll.

228
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,640
<i>DOLL: Why not buy another of me?</i>

229
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,061
-(door creaks)
-Hmm.

230
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,067
Well, okay.

231
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,570
(humming a tune)

232
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:58,032
(chomping)

233
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,452
Okay, okay! I'll find you some food.

234
00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,497
(groans) Me not feel good.

235
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,876
{\an8}(train whistle blows)

236
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,338
Hey, pal, you look like
you lost your best friend.

237
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,548
Mm. He was more than a friend.

238
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,510
He was the reason I got up
in the morning. (sniffles)

239
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:20,221
Because he would inject me
with coffee at 6:00 a.m.

240
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,306
in the back of the head. (sniffles)

241
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:25,059
My new boss will never take his place!

242
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:26,977
New boss, huh? What's he like?

243
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:30,523
(sighs) Oh, a lot like my old boss.

244
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,274
Ruthless. Went to Yale.

245
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,068
Made a fortune in energy.

246
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:36,237
-Basically hairless.
-Oh, yeah.

247
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,197
He likes to stack men naked.

248
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,658
-I guess that's a start.
-(train grinding)

249
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,663
A philanthropist, a humanitarian,

250
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,456
a man of peace...

251
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,834
these are among the people
who've come today

252
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,169
to spit in Montgomery Burns' open grave.

253
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:56,632
The fact that Burns' 37-pound body
was never found

254
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,802
did nothing to lessen the salivary salvos.

255
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,054
-(gathering spit)
-Hold, please.

256
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,266
You may continue.

257
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:08,269
I hope they use that spit
for a good cause,

258
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,312
like sealing wedding envelopes.

259
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,441
Or helping a railroad worker
grip his sledgehammer!

260
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,776
Now they're dancing on his grave!

261
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,278
Dance, you sons of bitches!

262
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:19,447
-Dance like it's me down there!
-(spits)

263
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,366
Thank God Mr. Burns
isn't alive to see this.

264
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,534
BART: Come back!

265
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:26,120
I'm not finished giving you your bath!

266
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,246
(grunts)

267
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,330
(gasping)

268
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,792
(grunting)

269
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,177
<i>DOLL: Attack during their sacred holiday!</i>

270
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:45,639
Hmm, apparently Mr. Burns
is in a state of shock

271
00:12:45,723 --> 00:12:47,516
from the trauma he underwent.

272
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,976
Oh, man, this is great!

273
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:51,437
The most evil man in town is in our power.

274
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,355
(evil laughter)

275
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,357
He will do my bidding...

276
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,027
at that fantasy football auction.

277
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:02,448
And anything else my limited
imagination can come up with.

278
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,201
(sadistic laughter)

279
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,208
Just because Mr. Burns was mean to you,

280
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:15,461
that doesn't give you the right
to abuse him when he's helpless.

281
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,797
Marge, it's the golden rule--

282
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,424
treat others the way they mess with you.

283
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,009
It's not up to you.

284
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,512
We're going to take him
to our moral and civic leaders.

285
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,430
They'll know the right thing to do.

286
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,933
All those in favor of treating Mr. Burns

287
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,393
the way he messed with us, say "aye."

288
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,938
-CROWD: Aye!
-People of Springfield!

289
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,523
To quote Shakespeare,

290
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,983
"The quality of mercy is not strained."

291
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,360
(crowd booing)

292
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,737
You know, it takes a lot
for an eight-year-old

293
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,281
to stand up in front of the whole town!

294
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:47,451
Eight-year-old?
I always thought you were a midget!

295
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:51,455
We're called "little people,"
and I'm not one.

296
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:53,666
People of Springfield, as a nerd,

297
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:56,627
I understand your desire for revenge,

298
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,129
but this sweet, harmless man

299
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:03,300
is not the same remorseless monster
who tormented us all.

300
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:04,718
He's close enough!

301
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,762
Yeah, Seaside Heights ain't Maui,

302
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:09,390
but, uh, you take what you can get. Whoa!

303
00:14:09,473 --> 00:14:10,724
(groans)

304
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,560
(chittering)

305
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,603
(zapping)

306
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,189
You done pullin' the wings
off of those bees?

307
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,191
Almost, Mr. Vice President.

308
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,443
May I ask why I'm doing this?

309
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,529
I don't know. I'm bored.

310
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,531
When my old boss got bored,
he liked to listen

311
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,992
to Thomas Edison reciting
"Mary Had a Little Lamb"

312
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,326
on a wax cylinder.

313
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,745
What do you think I am, 1,000 years old?

314
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:34,790
I got a myPod full of Lee Greenwood.

315
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,626
(hums)

316
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,878
(snores)

317
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,549
Now, boy, everyone in town gets Burns

318
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:45,926
for half an hour to do as they will.

319
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,888
This town can't teach its kids
or collect its garbage,

320
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,682
but we lead the nation
in pointless revenge.

321
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,310
-Amen.
-(squeals delightedly)

322
00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:57,354
Okay, Burnsie, follow the carrot.

323
00:14:57,438 --> 00:14:59,607
(music playing)

324
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,705
{\an8}Dad, you're gonna wreck him for everybody.

325
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,206
Don't worry, boy.

326
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:19,043
Another girder always
swings in for you to walk on

327
00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:21,086
right when you get to the end.

328
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,340
(moans)

329
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:26,675
Where's the other girder? Ow!

330
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:29,720
Okay, here's your choice--

331
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,514
cash in my hands or blood on the jerky.

332
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:35,684
I believe you want
the assistant manager, sir.

333
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,604
Oh, I can't shoot him. I've got him next.

334
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:41,231
Well, that is your bad luck,
because he is mine right now.

335
00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:43,776
Come back in half an hour.
He can be your accomplice.

336
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,653
I was going to take him ice skating.

337
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,321
-What was that?
-Nothing.

338
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,406
What was that? Ice skating?

339
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,159
Do you do axels and salchows?

340
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,036
-What do you do?
-(groans)

341
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:59,208
-Check out my new dad.
-Sorry, lame-o.

342
00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,210
It's 2:00, which makes him

343
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:03,712
-my Uncle Ed for an hour.
-No.

344
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,465
It's Saturday, which makes him
that guy at the youth center

345
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:07,633
who really believes in me.

346
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,260
There's still time for me
to turn my life around, right?

347
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:14,390
It's not that easy, man.

348
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,308
(crying)

349
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,601
(doorbell rings)

350
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,229
All yours.

351
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,563
What did you do with him?

352
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,482
Found a way to use him as a bong.

353
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,485
(coughs)

354
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:27,903
(moans)

355
00:16:29,029 --> 00:16:30,072
(Lisa groans)

356
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,658
Dad, Mr. Burns is here for you again.

357
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,576
Oh, already?

358
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,912
A little tired of revenge, are we?

359
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,082
Yeah. I've done all I can do
in that medium.

360
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:42,042
All right.

361
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,877
Mr. Burns, I'm going to show you

362
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:47,089
that not all of us in this town
are vindictive and cruel.

363
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:49,550
-(shotgun cocking)
-Not today.

364
00:16:54,722 --> 00:16:56,890
I thought after all you went through

365
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,726
you'd just might want to spend an hour

366
00:16:58,809 --> 00:17:00,561
in a place where you felt at home.

367
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,896
Lots of room for friends.

368
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:06,650
Actually, sir, the man who lived
here didn't have many friends.

369
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,486
But you're a better person
than he ever was.

370
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,947
(humming)

371
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,073
(gasps)

372
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,743
That's me.

373
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:17,494
{\an8}Yes. Technically, it's you.

374
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,246
{\an8}But like I said, people change...

375
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:22,166
And they can also bloody well change back!

376
00:17:22,249 --> 00:17:23,500
Eep.

377
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:27,671
Daddy's home.

378
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,425
-(vibrating)
-(sighs)

379
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,016
Don't have time for the papers, Smithers.

380
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,602
Any terrorist attacks
on American soil today?

381
00:17:41,685 --> 00:17:44,438
-I'm sorry, but, no.
-Oh...

382
00:17:44,521 --> 00:17:48,859
Smithers, trading me in
for a younger model, I see.

383
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,652
Mr. Burns, you're alive!

384
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,322
I'm so happy, I could... hug you.

385
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,365
(scoffs) And me smell
like drugstore cologne

386
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,658
the rest of the day?

387
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,951
I don't think so.

388
00:17:58,035 --> 00:17:59,828
You may hug my shadow.

389
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,371
Oh!

390
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:03,540
-Oh!
-(Cheney clears throat)

391
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,584
Oh, Mr. Vice President.

392
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:09,129
I've loved this time we've spent
in this dormant volcano, but...

393
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,589
You're leaving me, aren't you?

394
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,049
I-I am.

395
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:14,760
You realize that every time
I don't get what I want

396
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,220
Al Qaeda wins.

397
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,263
-Can I go now?
-Yes.

398
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,349
I just need to erase your memory.

399
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,683
(zaps)

400
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,227
(moaning)

401
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:24,812
(humming)

402
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,648
(helicopter approaches)

403
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:29,525
<i>BURNS (on megaphone):</i>
<i>Attention, insects.</i>

404
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,985
<i>The foot of reckoning has arrived.</i>

405
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,364
Hey there, Mr. Burns.

406
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:37,991
For our half hour, I thought
we'd have a picnic in the park.

407
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:39,993
<i>Silence, you sadistic monster.</i>

408
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,703
<i>I've got my memory back,</i>

409
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,289
<i>and I'm going to wreak</i>
<i>a terrible vengeance.</i>

410
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,208
<i>Taking an idea I got</i>
<i>from a Stephen King book,</i>

411
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,545
<i>I'm going to cover this town with a dome!</i>

412
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,588
(laughs wickedly)

413
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,050
It's been done.

414
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,302
Really? You don't say.

415
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,556
-Did you know about this?
-Mm-hmm.

416
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,057
I see.

417
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:08,480
<i>Well, what if I cover you all</i>

418
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,984
<i>with a cube of bulletproof Plexiglas?</i>

419
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,111
Uh, it's pretty much the same thing.

420
00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:16,071
Plus, we could always dig ourselves out,

421
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,740
although that never seems
to occur to anybody.

422
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,326
Set her down, Smithers.

423
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:27,583
Mr. Burns, you can't hurt us
after all we've done for you.

424
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,501
What the devil are you talking about?

425
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,628
You were given six weeks to live,

426
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,338
and you've outlived it.

427
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,674
I think what kept you alive

428
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:40,179
was that for once in your life
you were helping other people.

429
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:42,764
Could it be?

430
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,684
Perhaps kindness did keep me alive.

431
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:48,187
Young man, would you like a lemon drop?

432
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,771
-Mmm!
-(gasping)

433
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,231
Gah!

434
00:19:54,401 --> 00:19:57,029
(crying)

435
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:02,534
It wasn't kindness
that was keeping me alive.

436
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,245
It was bile building up inside.

437
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:09,124
Loathing is my life blood
and rage my royal jelly.

438
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,627
So, yes, thank you, Springfield,

439
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:14,922
for giving me the secret
to eternal life-- hate!

440
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:17,424
You're welcome.

441
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,137
What are you doing here?

442
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,264
You were my father for two hours,

443
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,351
and I'm not letting this dad get away.

444
00:20:27,434 --> 00:20:28,727
Oh, preposterous!

445
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,979
I won't be Bismarcked
into fathering anyone.

446
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,147
Listen, old man.

447
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,691
I need someone to cheer me on
in the school play,

448
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:38,528
and it's gonna be you,
or this copter's going down.

449
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,365
You know I'll do it.

450
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,575
(man coughs)

451
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:47,412
Thank God your son can't see
the way you're behaving.

452
00:20:47,496 --> 00:20:50,415
My son? My son?

453
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:53,877
The truth is I don't have a son!

454
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:55,379
Haw haw!

455
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,422
(sadder) Haw haw.

456
00:20:57,506 --> 00:21:00,175
Haw... haw.

457
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,761
That's my boy.

458
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,102
(music playing)

459
00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:50,392
-(crowd murmuring)
-Shh.

460
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:56,481
{\an8}Subtitled by Laura Smith