1
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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:06,297
(crow caws)
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D'oh!
4
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(tires screeching)
5
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(grunts)
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Ha ha ha-- Whoa!
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(crashes)
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{\an8}♪...Show! ♪
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{\an8}(whistle blows)
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{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}Hey!
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{\an8}(exclaims)
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{\an8}(cheering)
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{\an8}Mousey and Catsy,
aren't they great?
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{\an8}Now listen up, kids.
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{\an8}Krusty's sponsor, the Texxon
family of gas stations,
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{\an8}wants you to know
that today's the last day
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of their "Happy Little Elves"
giveaway!
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{\an8}It's Texxon's way of saying,
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{\an8}"Sorry about
those million dead pelicans."
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{\an8}(goofy laugh)
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{\an8}You'll really love
the intentionally scarce
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{\an8}"Baby Must-Have."
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{\an8}Don't you want her
beyond all reason?
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}Maggie,
you can't climb into the TV.
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{\an8}If you could, I'd make Alex Trebek
answer some questions.
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{\an8}Dad, I think Maggie's just sad
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{\an8}'cause her set is missing
"Baby Must-Have."
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{\an8}No child of mine will go
without anything, ever!
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{\an8}Except quality health care!
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{\an8}Didn't there used
to be more Texxon stations?
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{\an8}Yes, but they sold a bunch off
to that frozen yogurt chain.
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{\an8}(ringing)
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{\an8}What a cheap date
this is.
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{\an8}I'm not cheap, baby,
I'm embarrassed to be seen with you.
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{\an8}-Big difference.
-(grumbles)
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{\an8}(humming)
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{\an8}Hmm. Nice part of town
you got here.
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{\an8}Too bad you keep it
so far away.
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{\an8}(laughing)
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{\an8}Now that we're best friends,
can I get the baby elf?
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{\an8}Pick a box.
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{\an8}You get what you get.
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{\an8}You can't tell what's inside!
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{\an8}Oh, of all the times
not to have x-ray vision.
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{\an8}Mm... I'll take that one.
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{\an8}Hmm?
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{\an8}This isn't the right one.
She wants the baby.
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{\an8}I can't give you another toy
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{\an8}till you buy another
ten gallons of gas.
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{\an8}You're lucky you're
behind glass.
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{\an8}Ain't no glass.
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{\an8}Sure, it's easy to slap people
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{\an8}when you're hiding
behind that glass!
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{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}You have a good day.
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{\an8}Drive all the way,
get the wrong elf.
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Ain't no glass.
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I'll show them.
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I'll buy ten more gallons
of their stupid gas.
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(tires squealing)
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(kids screaming)
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Whoo-hoo!
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(all groaning)
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(pump ringing)
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D'oh!
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(engine running)
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{\an8}(ringing)
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D'oh!
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(ringing)
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D'oh!
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(ringing)
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D'oh!
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(ringing)
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(ringing)
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D'oh!
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-(ringing)
-(snoring)
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(gasps)
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-(ringing)
-(sighs)
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D'oh!
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Oh, Homie, maybe we
should call it a day.
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Oh, I'm sorry, Maggie,
but even at your age,
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I'm sure you understand
things can't always go your way,
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and that's why I can't believe
we didn't get that stupid elf!
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(sobbing)
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Where the hell are we?
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I've never seen stores
like these before.
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(gasps)
I know where we are!
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This is the neighborhood
where I grew up!
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Ooh, everything's changed.
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That tree used to be
a smaller tree.
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And that food bank
used to be a regular bank.
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The march of progress.
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(gasps)
There's my old house!
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(sighs)
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Someday when I'm a grownup,
maybe I'll go back
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and look fondly at our house.
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Well, stop in and say "hi" to me
'cause I'll still be there,
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chillin' in my
basement bachelor pad.
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00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:36,567
Be sure to water the flowers
on my backyard grave.
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As long as I can dig you up
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and stick you on the front porch
every Halloween.
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-Just don't dress me up like a woman.
-We'll see.
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-(tapping)
-(all gasp)
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I know what you folks
are here for.
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Rabbits!
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I just kilt this one
because it stopped bein' cute!
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We're not here for rabbit.
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I used to live
in this house as a girl.
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I live in it now as a woman.
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Hey, you wanna come on in?
Take a look around?
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Oh, I'd love to,
if it's not an imposition.
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Well, as long as we don't
have to feed this one.
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(woman and Homer laugh)
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Tell her "no deal."
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Everything's just
the way I remember it.
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You see that mirror?
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I discovered that if I sat
in the kitchen,
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I could see
if the bathroom was free
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using the reflection
from the mirror off the toaster.
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(humming happy tune)
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(groans in disgust)
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This was my bedroom.
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(gasps)
My bedpost smooshes
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are still in the carpet!
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(laughs)
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I want to go read books
in the car.
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There are no books
in the car.
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I just want to sit in the car!
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I always wondered
who "Marge" is.
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(gasps)
My memorables!
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Over the years,
I've sure been tempted
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to go through this stuff.
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So I did, many times.
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(clattering noise in room)
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{\an8}My whole childhood
is in this box.
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{\an8}My scrunchies.
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{\an8}I never really had
the hair for these.
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{\an8}Wow, Mom.
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00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:00,985
{\an8}You got first place
in the science fair.
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00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,612
Oh, that's ancient history.
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00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,740
Ooh, here's my paper
on ancient history.
144
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Mom, these grades are amazing.
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Just as good as mine.
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{\an8}LISA: But then...
you wound up like you.
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{\an8}(horn honking)
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(school bell rings)
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(all shouting happily)
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-(all groan)
-Oh, man.
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The drainage
around here is a joke.
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I don't even know
why I pay taxes.
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BART:
Coming through!
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(kids gasping)
155
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,810
Just when you think
I'm out of ideas!
156
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("Metal on Metal"
by Anvil plays)
157
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Whoop! Ahh!
158
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♪ Feeling the grind,
up go the hammers ♪
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(kids laughing)
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(gasps)
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(growls)
162
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(all gasp)
163
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Mm-hmm.
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Get your affairs in order.
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(groans, gasps)
166
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,917
Bart beat up Nelson.
167
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,919
A new bully has risen.
168
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ALL:
Simpson! Boombaye!
169
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Simpson! Boombaye!
170
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(sobbing)
171
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,430
Oh! Mama!
172
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(kids laughing)
173
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,768
(sobbing)
174
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(humming)
175
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,356
Buying those extra trophies
from cash-strapped schools
176
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,816
really filled out the old case.
177
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,776
Principal Skinner?
Quick question.
178
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,362
Is it true my mom
was a great student?
179
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,157
Oh, indeed. Your mother was
as fine a student as you.
180
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,324
Keep up the good work,
181
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,201
and you'll probably
wind up just like her.
182
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,537
{\an8}LISA: Well...
183
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,706
of course that would be great.
184
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:40,501
But I see myself making
impact outside the home.
185
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,379
(chuckles)
Lisa, one of the hardest jobs I have
186
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,965
is throwing cold water
on young children's dreams.
187
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,800
Ralph, you're not a kangaroo.
188
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,302
(groans of disappointment)
189
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:52,054
The point is, I've learned
a lot about human nature
190
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,514
by sitting in the park with Mother.
191
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,016
And one thing I've learned
192
00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:57,185
is children turn out
like their parents.
193
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{\an8}Behold, your future.
194
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,024
(sadly)
Oh...
195
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,652
Ralph, you're also
not a trophy.
196
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,362
(groans sadly)
197
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:09,572
Skinner!
198
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,158
I warned you about
interacting with students.
199
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:14,118
I don't want to have
to yell at you!
200
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,620
You yell at me about everything.
201
00:08:15,703 --> 00:08:17,163
Well, I can't yell at anyone else!
202
00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:20,041
Teachers have a union.
Students have parents.
203
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:22,460
-What about Willie?
-I like Willie!
204
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,257
Maggie,
something happened to Mom,
205
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,301
and I'm gonna find out
what and when.
206
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:32,970
Mom's looking good through
elementary school.
207
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:36,641
Ninth grade, tenth grade,
still riding the A-Train.
208
00:08:36,724 --> 00:08:39,810
Then suddenly, when she was
a high school senior...
209
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,479
Blam!
210
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,397
MARGE:
You kids play nice up there!
211
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,483
What could have happened?
212
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,738
(ominous music plays)
213
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,166
(Homer humming happy tune)
214
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,629
-Dad?
-Hmm?
215
00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:07,922
Can I talk to you
for a second?
216
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,840
What is troubling you,
my son?
217
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,635
I mean, my girl son?
218
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:15,763
Well, um, I was looking
through Mom's old schoolwork,
219
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,599
and I noticed her
grades went down
220
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,643
when she started
going out with you.
221
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,270
Hey, if it hadn't been me,
222
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,188
it would have been
someone or something else.
223
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,191
Sooner or later,
everyone meets their Homer.
224
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,821
No offense, Dad,
225
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,074
but no boy is gonna
distract me from my dreams.
226
00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:37,743
It may not be a boy.
It could be anything:
227
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:41,330
scrapbooking, high-stakes poker,
or the Santa Fe lifestyle.
228
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,750
Just pick a dead end
and chill out till you die.
229
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,253
No! That's not
gonna happen to me!
230
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:50,756
I'm gonna make sure
nothing distracts me ever!
231
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:51,841
(whistling nonchalantly)
232
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,676
-Whoa!
-Look at you,
233
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:56,846
strutting around
like you're Toad of Toad Hall.
234
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,931
Uh, I'm just whistling, man.
235
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,100
(whistling feebly)
236
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:03,561
You think you're so smart,
don't you, Simpson?
237
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,479
We're both in
the same reading group.
238
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,356
I think you know
how smart I am.
239
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,526
That's an insult to me
and the rest of the inchworms.
240
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,527
(grunts)
241
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,945
(groans)
242
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,530
Bart did it again!
243
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,781
I'm not a bully!
244
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:19,035
It's just a series
of incredible coincidences.
245
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,454
Well, Bart, I guess his
parking spot is yours now.
246
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:22,955
Well done.
247
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,457
(exasperated grunt)
248
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:25,958
(crickets chirping)
249
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,085
Okay, I've gotten rid
250
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,463
of all of my distractions,
diversions,
251
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:32,048
hobbies...
(gasps)
252
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,215
Oh, my God!
253
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,761
Are you a distraction
or a higher calling?
254
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,054
All right, let's see.
255
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,557
How many jazz musicians
led long and happy lives?
256
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,643
There's, um...
257
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,397
(sniffing)
258
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,816
(muffled notes playing)
259
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:55,780
That's odd. Lisa just threw
her saxophone out the window.
260
00:10:55,863 --> 00:10:57,990
Oh, that's probably
because to her,
261
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,950
the saxophone is a me,
262
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,869
and she doesn't want
to end up like you.
263
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:03,454
Good night.
264
00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:05,539
She doesn't want
to end up like me?
265
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,668
Uh, no, she does,
totally, but, uh,
266
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,795
with a happier ending.
Good night.
267
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,963
What's so wrong with me?
268
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,715
(chuckles)
Nothing, sweetie, nothing.
269
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,384
Here, let me explain.
270
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,678
She does not want to...
271
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,846
turn out like... you...
272
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,099
didn't... not until...
273
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,434
diplomatic... trapped...
274
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,560
help.
275
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,646
Remember nothing!
276
00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:31,482
I remember everything.
277
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,860
Well, if you check your purse,
I think you'll find...
278
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,571
the seven of clubs!
279
00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:40,825
No.
280
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:45,037
Just a picture of Lisa--
who wants to be nothing like me.
281
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,289
I am so sorry, Marge.
282
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,667
Hee-hee-hee.
283
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:50,835
MARGE:
Stupid pan!
284
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:53,212
(frustrated grunting)
285
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,423
Mom, could you keep
it down a little?
286
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:57,299
-I'm trying to study.
-Uh-huh. Yeah.
287
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,260
Here's your breakfast.
288
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:01,679
Not a good time!
289
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,848
Mom, is something wrong?
290
00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:06,892
Would it be so bad
to turn out like me?!
291
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,645
Mom, I admire everything you do.
292
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,397
But it's not good enough,
is it?
293
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,315
It's plenty good.
It's great!
294
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,608
It's just...
295
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,485
not for me.
296
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,322
-(horn honks)
-School bus!
297
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,660
(affectionately)
Mmm...
298
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,911
(disgruntledly)
Mwa.
299
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,832
-What kind of kiss did you get?
-Normal. You?
300
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:30,833
Ice-cold.
301
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,501
You're just imagining things.
302
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,462
Oh, yeah?
303
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,713
Hmm...
304
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:38,007
What does your note say?
305
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,092
The seven of clubs?
306
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,844
Ta-dah!
307
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,851
{\an8}Ugh! What's the point
of getting rid of all
308
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,687
{\an8}the distractions at home
if I have to do my learning here?
309
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,856
(excited shouts)
310
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,611
(floor waxer whirring)
311
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,696
(to tune of "Loch Lomond")
♪ Oh, I'll wax the upstairs ♪
312
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,448
♪ And I'll wax the downstairs ♪
313
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,868
♪ And I'll get drunk
in the li'bry! ♪
314
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,036
Willie!
315
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:09,371
Do you have to wax
this floor now?
316
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,332
No, no, I can
come back later.
317
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:12,666
Whoa-aah! Oof!
318
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,084
-(bones crack)
-(screams)
319
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,795
Oh. Should I get the nurse?
320
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,254
Nay, just keep studyin'.
321
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,756
I'll scream this out.
322
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,051
-(cracking)
-(screaming)
323
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,260
(groaning in pain)
324
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,054
-(cracking)
-(anguished screams)
325
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:27,515
-Aah!
-(groaning)
326
00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:30,017
(yells)
327
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,770
I can get to you
whenever I want, Simpson.
328
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:34,730
But I'm gonna bide my time.
329
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,858
You won't even hear
the punch that wastes you.
330
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:41,070
And you'll crack like
one of those chicken turds
331
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,947
rich people eat.
332
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,698
You mean an egg?
333
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,867
I mean you're dead!
334
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,077
Aah!
335
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,411
Let me out of here,
336
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,121
so I can put you in here!
337
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:53,624
Ha!
You're not so tough now.
338
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:54,750
(grunts)
339
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,918
(Bart screaming)
340
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:01,090
(lively chatter)
341
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,008
Aw... Dad was right--
342
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:04,927
I might as well give up.
343
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,808
(classical chamber music playing)
344
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,564
(chamber music continues)
345
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,694
(gasps)
Cloisters Academy?
346
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:25,447
That bus could pick me up
any day of the week!
347
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,448
'Sup, bro?
348
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,409
I'm not your brother.
349
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,038
Lord Buddha, I know
I'm not supposed to want stuff,
350
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,207
but come on!
351
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:44,133
Cloisters Academy
is a refuge for quiet learning.
352
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,385
We have every
facility imaginable,
353
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,137
including an imaginatorium.
354
00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,515
Oh, no, wait, it's over there.
355
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,684
Mom! Dad!
Please can I go here?
356
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:57,021
I'll study so hard,
I'll make the old me look like Bart!
357
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,607
That would be one
weird-looking kid.
358
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,442
We'd love to send you here,
sweetie.
359
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,360
We just can't afford it.
360
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,195
Well, I'm sure Lisa will be fine
361
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,697
at Springfield Elementary.
362
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:09,658
I hear they just found out
there was a World War II.
363
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:10,993
(chuckles)
364
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,202
(groans)
Oh...
365
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,747
Homer, Lisa, could you
please step outside?
366
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,958
I have a few choice words
for this gentleman.
367
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,461
Mom... please don't.
368
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:21,795
Oh, I've seen that look before.
369
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,006
That's the
"I ate the piece of wedding cake
370
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,258
she's been saving
in the freezer ten years" look.
371
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:28,427
-You what?!
-Run!
372
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,429
(dramatic music plays)
373
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,352
(screams)
374
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:47,279
Lisa, your mother
convinced me
375
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,114
to take a closer look
at your record,
376
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:52,451
and upon further reflection,
I have decided to offer you
377
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:55,079
a full scholarship
to Cloisters Academy.
378
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:56,622
I have a future!
379
00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:58,666
Oh! Thank you, Mom!
380
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,543
Oh, thank you, four-eyes!
381
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:05,297
So, you'll start Monday.
382
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:06,799
I'm so exci...
383
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,300
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
Quiet campus.
384
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:09,385
Shh.
385
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:10,928
Now, please,
hold your celebration
386
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,888
until you're off
the school grounds.
387
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,561
(whooping, cheering, shouting)
388
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,230
(whooping, cheering,
shouting stop)
389
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,856
(whispers)
What time Monday?
390
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,900
-Um, 8:00.
-Thank you.
391
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:29,196
(all resume cheering,
whooping, shouting)
392
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:34,952
(classical music playing)
393
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,207
An academy.
394
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,459
I'm attending an academy.
395
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,129
Hi. I see that you're new,
396
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,965
and we'd be honored to have
you join our softball team.
397
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,883
I'm sorry, I don't really play.
398
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:51,010
Oh, no one plays.
399
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:53,220
We just discuss
the physics of the game.
400
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:56,807
I lead the team in E.R.A.:
Extremely Right Answers.
401
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,517
Count me in!
402
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,020
MARGE: What's wrong, sweetie?
You seem upset.
403
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,230
I don't want to talk about it.
404
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:05,482
(groans)
Oh...
405
00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:07,568
A kid at school's
gonna beat me up.
406
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:08,736
Is it Milhouse?
407
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,487
Milhouse couldn't beat me up.
408
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,906
Are you sure?
He's having a growth spurt.
409
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,408
It's not Milhouse!
410
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:16,577
-Is it a girl?
-It's Nelson!
411
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:19,163
Hm! I never figured him
for the bully type.
412
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:20,581
Well, if he's got you cornered,
413
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:22,249
and Milhouse isn't
there to help you,
414
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:24,334
there's only one way out--
415
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:26,837
Make him feel good
about himself!
416
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,005
How do I do that?
417
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,048
I don't know.
418
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,841
Compliment his glasses.
419
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,052
It's not Milhouse!
420
00:17:37,264 --> 00:17:38,515
Hi, Lisa.
421
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:40,893
I'm Ms. Marshall,
and I'm your teacher.
422
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,937
Well, I am so happy
to be in your class.
423
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:46,648
No, I'm your teacher.
I only teach you.
424
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,234
Your short story about
the lonely pony-- gripping.
425
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:51,904
Did you get that the pony
was actually me?
426
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,322
It hit me the next day,
427
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,990
and I read
the whole thing again.
428
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,617
I thought we'd
start the semester
429
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,494
by turning this into a novel.
430
00:17:58,577 --> 00:17:59,620
Self-published?
431
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:00,996
Real published.
432
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,498
Oh...
433
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,840
(bell rings, children chattering)
434
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,094
(thunder rumbling)
435
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:19,515
NELSON (forebodingly):
Haw... haw...!
436
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,103
(thunder rumbling)
437
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,816
This is it, Simpson!
438
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:31,527
After this, your nose
will not be an outtie.
439
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:34,613
Make him feel
good about himself!
440
00:18:34,696 --> 00:18:35,823
-(grunts)
-Uh, Nelson,
441
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,117
for someone who never
goes to the dentist,
442
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,910
you have pretty good teeth.
443
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:41,161
They're dentures!
444
00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:43,163
-(grunts)
-Uh, you do a lot
445
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,623
with a limited wardrobe.
446
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,668
That's social worker talk
for "I'm poor"!
447
00:18:47,751 --> 00:18:49,169
-(grunts)
-Uh, uh,
448
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,671
you punch really good!
449
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:52,673
You think?
450
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:53,841
Oh, yeah!
451
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:56,635
And you always avoid
the face around picture day.
452
00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:58,679
People appreciate that.
453
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,931
Hey, those memories are forever.
454
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,516
You really care, man.
455
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,685
A lot of bullies
just phone it in.
456
00:19:04,768 --> 00:19:06,478
(coughs)
Kearney.
457
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,731
That school is so great!
458
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,650
Teachers teach so much better
459
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,986
when they're paid in money,
not chickens.
460
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:16,029
Is Mom gonna come up
and say good night?
461
00:19:16,113 --> 00:19:17,239
Your mom's doing laundry,
462
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,741
but she authorized me
to say good night for her.
463
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,994
So, by the power
vested in me,
464
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:25,080
I now pronounce
you sweet dreams.
465
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,499
(giggles)
466
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,587
(crickets chirping)
467
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,256
(distant rumbling sound)
468
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:36,925
Mom?
469
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:39,887
(rumbling)
470
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,020
(groans)
Here we go.
471
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:50,022
Clean and white...
472
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:50,939
(yawns)
473
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,941
...and soft...
474
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,151
(snores)
475
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,361
-Mom?
-(screams)
476
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:57,613
I see what happened.
477
00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:59,448
There was no scholarship.
478
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,367
They said I could attend
if you did all their laundry!
479
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,911
I can't live with that knowledge
480
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,621
while trying
to get more knowledge.
481
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,915
Lisa, honey, I insist.
482
00:20:07,998 --> 00:20:11,710
Because it's important to you
that you don't turn out like me.
483
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:16,048
Mom, I don't want
to go to that school.
484
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,299
Why not?
485
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:20,427
Because it's too elitist.
486
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:23,222
Everyone's parents
are in "the business."
487
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,389
What business?
488
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,225
I don't know.
They won't tell me.
489
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,602
And besides, you were
willing to do all this
490
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,938
just so I would be happy.
491
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:34,358
Mom, I'd be honored
if I turned out like you.
492
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,405
(slurring)
Mom, thanks to you,
493
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,242
this box sucker
didn't beat me up.
494
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,661
We've been pokin' foil
all night.
495
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,830
Must've put away
two eight-packs by now.
496
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:51,375
I'm so glad you two
are friends again.
497
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,043
Look what Maggie got!
498
00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:55,254
-Homer? How did you get...
-Ah!
499
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,506
A father has his secrets.
500
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,425
-How did he get in?
-Told you, ain't got no glass.
501
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:02,469
-Did he take any money?
-Uh-uh.
502
00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:04,554
Well, he did now.
503
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,273
(theme music playing)
504
00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:54,229
Shh!
505
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,985
{\an8}Subtitled by
Amanda Ramos