1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:03,503
(owl hoots)
2
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:06,756
(humming)
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,258
(chuckles)
4
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:09,509
(yelps)
5
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,927
Why, you little...
6
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,971
(both groaning)
7
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,139
D'oh! Ah!
8
00:00:14,222 --> 00:00:17,559
Beneath this smile,
I'm in awful, awful pain!
9
00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:20,061
(screaming)
10
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,356
Welcome, precious primetime viewers,
11
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,485
valued Internet downloaders,
and scary digital pirates!
12
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,030
If you want to shield your little darlings
13
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:33,158
from our stomach-churning holiday special,
14
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:36,453
simply hit fast-forward
on your DVR remote...
15
00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:40,832
(distorted grunting)
16
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:50,717
I went too far!
17
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,510
Spoiled the whole show for everybody!
18
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,096
I don't deserve to wield the remote.
19
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,891
(shuddering)
Oh, I'm getting old and gray...
20
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,226
I'm dead.
21
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,978
(spooky music plays)
22
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,108
Monster go watch The Office.
23
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:11,738
Dunder-Mifflin just like
monster's workplace.
24
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,490
(The Office theme playing)
25
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,143
{\an8}(grunting)
26
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,686
{\an8}(laser rifle fire)
27
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,189
{\an8}Milhouse, do we have enough
points for a weapons upgrade?
28
00:01:46,272 --> 00:01:49,275
{\an8}Yeah! We really racked them up
eating all those elf babies.
29
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:52,320
{\an8}Ha-ha! Nothing beats
a weapon made of weapons.
30
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:58,618
{\an8}This is that video game Reverend
Lovejoy said you shouldn't play.
31
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,453
{\an8}Well, he's playing it right now.
32
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,539
{\an8}Slay the wounded!
33
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,624
{\an8}I still think it's too violent.
34
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:07,293
{\an8}It's a game. We're not hurting anybody.
35
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,045
{\an8}My non-lazy eye!
36
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,672
{\an8}Ooh.
37
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:14,300
{\an8}These classic board games
are fun and safe.
38
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,885
{\an8}(grunting)
39
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,345
{\an8}My other eye!
40
00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:19,180
{\an8}(sighs)
41
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:22,183
{\an8}So which of these
"board lames" shall we play?
42
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:23,226
{\an8}Taffy Land?
43
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,103
{\an8}-Drops and Risers?
-Consternation?
44
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,521
{\an8}Ravenous, Ravenous Rhinos?
45
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:27,772
{\an8}-Mouse Catch?
-Battleboat?
46
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:29,107
{\an8}-Funopoly?
-Crate of Apes?
47
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,608
{\an8}-Yahtzu?
-Tiddlywonks?
48
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:34,112
{\an8}Hey, I've never seen this one before.
49
00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,114
MILHOUSE: Satan's Path?
50
00:02:36,197 --> 00:02:38,950
{\an8}Hey, it's got to be good
if Satan put his name on it.
51
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,163
{\an8}Huh?
52
00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:44,622
{\an8}Here. I'll be the demon,
you be the thimble.
53
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,708
{\an8}Oh, I'm always the thimble.
54
00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:52,046
{\an8}One...
55
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,382
{\an8}-(rumbling)
-(gasps)
56
00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,967
{\an8}Two.
57
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,427
{\an8}BOTH: Ooh!
58
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,183
{\an8}(train whistle blows)
59
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,226
{\an8}(shouting)
60
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,770
{\an8}There was a bank error in my favor.
61
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,107
{\an8}And I'm spending it all on
Oriental Avenue prostitutes!
62
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:15,528
{\an8}(gasps)
63
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,948
{\an8}MILHOUSE: All the games came to life!
64
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,663
{\an8}(chattering)
65
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,459
{\an8}I don't like the looks
of that knight, Chief.
66
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,835
{\an8}Don't worry. We're safe.
67
00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,463
{\an8}He's two steps away, and one to the right.
68
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,592
{\an8}(groaning)
69
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:41,137
{\an8}For me, it's game, set... and match.
70
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,181
{\an8}I think you mean "check, and mate."
71
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,183
{\an8}Just got crushed by a giant horse, Lou.
72
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,518
{\an8}You want to cut me a break?
73
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,187
{\an8}(romantic music plays)
74
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,898
{\an8}Time to meet my mystery dude.
75
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,192
{\an8}(chuckling)
76
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:55,318
{\an8}(sighs)
77
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,031
{\an8}Ah.
78
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:01,491
{\an8}(Homer grunting)
79
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,576
{\an8}Oh, man, I'm never coming down!
80
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,911
{\an8}Ah!
81
00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:06,746
{\an8}Whoo-hoo! Another ladder!
82
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:07,747
{\an8}Riding high!
83
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,207
{\an8}Sinking low!
84
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,541
{\an8}Top of the heap!
85
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,335
{\an8}Oh! Down I go!
86
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:13,878
{\an8}On top for good!
87
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,089
{\an8}Oh, cruel hubris!
88
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,678
{\an8}How do we make this stop?
89
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,263
{\an8}Well, my Latin's a little rusty,
90
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,223
{\an8}but I think to get everything
back in its box,
91
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,809
{\an8}you have to finish the game.
92
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,435
{\an8}And if we don't finish?
93
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:32,355
{\an8}You're going to have to deal
with more nonsense like that.
94
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,650
{\an8}ALL: Yahtzu.
95
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,152
{\an8}Here we go, back in the cup.
96
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,363
{\an8}At least the cup is lined with felt.
97
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:42,782
{\an8}Hey, Mr. Positive, shut the hell up.
98
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,202
{\an8}(roars)
99
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,537
{\an8}(monkey chattering)
100
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,872
{\an8}(buzzing)
101
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,416
{\an8}(monkey chattering)
102
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,088
{\an8}We'll be safe on this Battleboat.
103
00:04:57,171 --> 00:04:59,549
{\an8}Set a course for B-7.
104
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,134
{\an8}(motor humming)
105
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,804
{\an8}POWERFUL VOICE: B-7.
106
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:06,556
{\an8}MILHOUSE: They dunked our Battleboat!
107
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,558
{\an8}I wish I could see my mom one last time,
108
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,727
{\an8}so I can say, "This is all your fault!"
109
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,812
{\an8}Colonel Ketchup,
110
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,940
{\an8}I say it was you that killed him
in the parlor,
111
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,817
{\an8}with the letter-opener!
112
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:22,071
{\an8}He was going to leave me,
and I'm too old to find anyone else.
113
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,239
{\an8}(grumbles)
114
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,699
{\an8}Come on, man, climb up!
115
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,868
{\an8}No. I might sink the letter.
116
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,037
{\an8}And "Q" is just too valuable.
117
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,913
{\an8}That blank could be any letter we want.
118
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,625
{\an8}Maybe I'm just tired of living.
119
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,711
(bubbles gurgling)
120
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:42,216
{\an8}The final challenge: Mousecatch.
121
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,719
{\an8}A game so lame, no one's ever finished it.
122
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,806
{\an8}(wild cackling and roaring)
123
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:52,226
{\an8}Crazy Eights! Think, Bart. Think!
124
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,896
What was that lesson I learned
from video games?
125
00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:57,398
Oh, yeah! Kill, kill, kill!
126
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,483
(crying)
127
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:03,071
There comes a time to beat
the crap out of childish things.
128
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,364
(wild raving)
129
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,698
(groaning)
130
00:06:06,991 --> 00:06:08,242
(gasps)
131
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,382
Sure is a hard way to catch a mouse.
132
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,680
Oh, this stupid thing never works.
133
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,974
(grunts)
134
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,279
That's it.
135
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,906
From now on, we'll just play Hangman.
136
00:06:46,989 --> 00:06:47,990
Wait, wait.
137
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,325
We still got one more letter.
138
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,411
Is it... 3?
139
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,621
-(buzzer sounds)
-That's not a letter.
140
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:56,582
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
141
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,679
(ominous music plays)
142
00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,849
(gasps)
143
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,934
(screams)
144
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,063
Man, it's been a crazy morning.
145
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,649
Champagne?
146
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:24,735
Oh, Homie, what a great idea,
147
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:27,321
to take a cruise in uncharted waters.
148
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:29,824
Yeah, charts are for squares, baby.
149
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:34,495
(grunting)
150
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:37,206
Whew. Sure is hot out here.
151
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,499
Mmm.
152
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,209
-Mmm.
-(slide whistle tone)
153
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,836
Oh, that's my cell phone.
154
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:45,965
What is it?
155
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,217
Lenny, I'm on a second honeymoon!
156
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,595
You'll have to pick
your own Lotto numbers.
157
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,472
Now, where were we?
158
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,434
(both giggling)
159
00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:58,394
Oh, baby, let's give those seagulls
160
00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,937
something to squawk about.
161
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,522
(giggles)
162
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,732
Huh?
163
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,401
Oh yeah, baby,
I like it when you're distracted.
164
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,777
Huh?
165
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,945
(oars splashing)
166
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:11,824
Homie, help him up.
167
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,952
(sighs) Fine. I'll get the hook.
168
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,206
HOMER: Don't fight it.
169
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,541
-(man mumbling)
-Don't... That's it.
170
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,627
A little more.
171
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,545
How's that?
172
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,838
(panting)
173
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,882
You're safe now, my friend.
174
00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,134
This poor man must have
been out there for days.
175
00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:34,055
He's nothing but hard, bronze muscle.
176
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,765
(breathing heavily)
177
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:36,974
Bless you.
178
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:41,521
Okay, this guy's taken care of.
179
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,439
So... uh, you know...
180
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,608
I'm not really in the mood anymore.
181
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,110
Fine. I'm going for a walk.
182
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,115
(grumbles)
183
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,246
(grumbles)
184
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:02,333
(huffs)
185
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,297
My name's Roger.
186
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,967
I was the chef on the Albatross,
working for a businessman
187
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:13,094
taking his partners to Tahiti.
188
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,597
One night, he asked for pie for dessert...
189
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,892
As the pie cooled innocently
on a porthole sill,
190
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,437
my employer attempted
to inject it with poison.
191
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,731
But I caught him in the act.
192
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,734
Unfortunately, he had the strength
of ten businessmen.
193
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,071
He sent me napward with a bottle
of low-sodium soy sauce.
194
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:35,658
Poor man. You've been through so much.
195
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,494
Hey. I've had a hard trip, too.
196
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,581
One of the lenses
fell out of my sunglasses!
197
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,417
Ah... oh, yeah...
198
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:48,129
Oh, Roger, you really
know what you're doing.
199
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:49,255
(gasps)
200
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:51,090
(radio static)
201
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,009
No luck.
202
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:58,264
Anyway, when I came to,
everyone on board was dead.
203
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,393
I fled the horrific scene.
204
00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:03,769
(squawks)
205
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,605
And after days at sea,
206
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,315
I found my savior.
207
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,691
You, Marge.
208
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:12,069
And, in a very insignificant way,
you, Homer.
209
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:13,738
God, it was horrible.
210
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:17,450
Marge? Can I have a word
with you in private?
211
00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,744
I don't trust that guy.
212
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:22,330
I bet he killed everyone
on that boat himself.
213
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,040
That's crazy talk.
214
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,250
ROGER: Excuse me.
215
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,085
You've both been so kind to me,
216
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:32,381
I baked you this pie.
217
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,759
That is so sweet.
218
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:38,387
Why do piemakers get all the girls?
219
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:40,765
Why did you do that?
220
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,099
-It was poisoned!
-No it wasn't!
221
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,559
Well, it was rhubarb.
222
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,935
No, it was berry-peach.
223
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:46,854
HOMER: Berry-peach? That's my favorite!
224
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:50,399
Please, Homer. I am so sick of
this unmotivated jealous--
225
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,652
(screams)
226
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,530
The pie was poisoned!
227
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,074
You were right.
228
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:01,327
I guess we've got to kill him
before he kills us.
229
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,914
Well, we'd better do it quick,
because he's making scones!
230
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,545
They should call this one
"Recipe For Murder."
231
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:13,130
What do you mean, "this one"?
232
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:14,423
Never mind.
233
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:23,599
Oh, Roger, would you
hand me the suntan oil?
234
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,147
(grunting suggestively)
235
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:32,483
(spring popping zanily)
236
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,318
Ooh, got a text.
237
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,528
Now!
238
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:36,779
(grunts)
239
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:40,491
Dear God.
240
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:42,368
We just killed a man.
241
00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:46,038
Yeah, the decent thing
to do is bury him at sea.
242
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,380
Come and get it, barnacles.
243
00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:03,514
Huh?
244
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,682
(gasps)
245
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,193
(both gasp)
246
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,404
Roger was telling the truth.
247
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,363
This proves nothing.
248
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:22,032
Roger could've been
the one that killed them.
249
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,826
Soy sauce.
250
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,162
Low sodium.
251
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,079
(gasps)
252
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,540
Then his story was true.
253
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,834
We killed an innocent man.
254
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,461
We're murderers.
255
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,337
Murderers!
256
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,881
(sobbing)
257
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:40,092
ROGER: Well, if it isn't my saviors.
258
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,180
(chuckles) Hey, pal, how you been?
259
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:45,389
Don't you "pal" me.
260
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,475
Why did you try to kill me?!
261
00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:51,103
The pie you baked us killed that shark!
262
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,563
The pie was clean.
263
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,357
The shark died from the fuel
leaking out of your boat.
264
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:56,692
It...
265
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,361
Oh, yeah. Oops.
266
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,529
Oh, goody.
267
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,574
The monkey got ahold of a spear gun.
268
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:06,535
(grunting)
269
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:07,995
Why did you do that?!
270
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:11,707
We had to kill him or he'd tell people
we tried to kill him.
271
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,459
What the devil's going on here?
272
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:14,877
You're alive?
273
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,922
Yes. I suspected our host would poison us,
274
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:20,633
so I gave everyone
an antidote before dinner.
275
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,719
Looks like you've got a
flair for avoiding death.
276
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,720
(gun clicks empty)
277
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,388
Oh, come on.
278
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,807
Just a second.
279
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,350
(grunting)
280
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,352
(groans)
281
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:32,978
Bankers away!
282
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:36,023
(panting angrily)
283
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:39,860
(pelican squawks)
284
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:42,196
-(shrieks)
-(splashes)
285
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,950
I repeat: no one will ever know.
286
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:48,369
We'll know.
287
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:51,080
Marge, what are you doing?!
288
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,081
That pie is poisoned!
289
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,499
(groans)
290
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,210
I can't live with the guilt.
291
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,670
(sighs)
292
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,338
(sobbing)
293
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:02,758
She just wanted to ride bikes
through New England.
294
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,386
But those seats hurt my ass.
295
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:07,054
(sobbing)
296
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,146
Ever wonder what she thinks about?
297
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,732
Just sugarplums and buttercups.
298
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,153
(suspenseful music plays)
299
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,838
(thunder rumbles)
300
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,870
Hey, what's that weird look
on all those girls' faces?
301
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:15,956
It's something you've never seen:
they're smitten.
302
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,041
Oh, I've seen it.
303
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,959
Especially when I do this.
304
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,213
(groans)
305
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,842
Well, he is cute.
306
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,386
But I'm sure a boy like him
would never say hello to me.
307
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:30,429
Hello.
308
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,805
(giggles)
309
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,265
I love your pallor.
310
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,475
(tires screeching)
311
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,977
Why is there a steering wheel
in my bedroom?
312
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:38,062
(screams)
313
00:15:38,896 --> 00:15:40,356
(gasps)
314
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:41,857
How'd you do that?
315
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:45,694
Oh, it's these cheap school buses,
with their squishy metal.
316
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:49,073
On another subject,
you have beautiful eyes.
317
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,032
(chuckles)
318
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,867
They're just dots in circles.
319
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:52,910
(bicycle bell rings)
320
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:55,079
(gasping)
321
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:57,164
(screaming)
322
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:58,707
Ahh!
323
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,417
(clown horns honking)
324
00:16:01,835 --> 00:16:02,711
What?
325
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,921
Me again?
326
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:05,255
(grunts)
327
00:16:06,924 --> 00:16:08,759
Come with me.
328
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:21,814
(gasps)
You're a vampire.
329
00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,358
I should be scared, but I'm not.
330
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:28,988
Let us move between the trees
the way a bat does: by jumping.
331
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:33,450
(giggles)
332
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,871
Lisa's fallen for a vampire?
333
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,915
That makes me so angry!
334
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,836
(straining) I feel the change coming!
335
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:47,006
(howls weakly)
336
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:48,924
Edmund's almost here,
337
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,759
so, please, nobody be themselves.
338
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,262
I know, I know. Don't serve garlic,
339
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,556
don't stab your guest in the heart
with a wooden stake,
340
00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:57,933
don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein.
341
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,060
It's racist somehow.
342
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,270
(doorbell rings)
343
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,399
Sorry, my dad insisted on coming.
344
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,528
Dad, I don't need a chaperone.
345
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:11,739
I'm 400 years old.
346
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,240
You live in my crypt,
347
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,159
you play by my rules.
348
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,578
You're tearing me apart!
349
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:18,996
Dinner is served.
350
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,248
I tried to make what Homer said you liked.
351
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,000
I get the drumstick!
352
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,085
(grunting)
353
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:31,842
Okay, okay.
354
00:17:31,925 --> 00:17:35,846
If a mosquito bites you,
does it become a vampire, too?
355
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,097
Yes.
356
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,223
Okay, okay.
357
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,684
If you bite your tongue,
does it become a vampire?
358
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,187
Look, I'm more than just a vampire.
359
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,105
I'm a nut for Dixieland jazz.
360
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,191
(playing New Orleans jazz)
361
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:52,571
(sighs) You said you weren't
going to bring that.
362
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,448
I said I might not.
363
00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,825
(continues playing)
364
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,036
They say vampires live forever,
365
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,872
but I die of embarrassment every day.
366
00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:03,874
I know just how you feel.
367
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,712
Let's fly, Lisa.
368
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:12,633
Keep your mouth closed,
or you'll swallow a lot of bugs.
369
00:18:12,716 --> 00:18:13,550
(gasps)
370
00:18:14,468 --> 00:18:15,636
Get them back!
371
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,096
She can't get neck holes.
372
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,056
It's picture day tomorrow!
373
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,642
Man, you vamps got it made.
374
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,102
You sleep all day...
375
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,895
And, because we only drive at night,
376
00:18:24,978 --> 00:18:27,523
we can really time
the traffic lights. Watch.
377
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,942
Green. Green. Green.
378
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,360
Boom. Green.
379
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:33,028
Yes. Boom.
380
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,197
Green. Good. Boom.
381
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,620
Boy, this place has every kind
of vampire there is.
382
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,879
Excuse me. Have you seen these kids?
383
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,381
I did.
384
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,216
And they were sneaking kisses.
385
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,717
One kiss!
386
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,136
Ah, ah, ah.
387
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,720
Two kisses!
388
00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,305
Ah, ah, ah.
389
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,598
Three kisses!
390
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,891
There they are.
391
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,895
Super-Team, fly!
392
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,897
(grunting)
393
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,649
I'm Dracula, not The Hulk.
394
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,359
Hyah! Hyah!
395
00:19:12,442 --> 00:19:14,153
(groaning)
396
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,160
Bite me now, Edmund,
and we'll both be vampires.
397
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:25,247
Get your neck away from my son's teeth,
you evil temptress.
398
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:28,375
Sir, I'm not trying to take
your son away from you.
399
00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,502
I plan to be a part of your rich culture,
400
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,088
and organize media-friendly
events to help combat
401
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,507
all the unfair vampire stereotypes.
402
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,843
Wow. Wow!
403
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,761
Now I know what you see in this girl.
404
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:40,846
Bite her, my son,
405
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,848
and you both will be eight forever.
406
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,433
Eight forever?
407
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,185
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
408
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,062
I can't spend eternity using kid scissors.
409
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,689
They barely cut anything.
410
00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,482
(snarls) Too late!
411
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,193
The bloodlust is upon me.
412
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,694
(gasps)
413
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,613
Back off, you unholy dreamboat!
414
00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:59,531
(yells)
415
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:04,203
Pretty ironic--
a cross being used to kill someone.
416
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,454
(sizzling)
417
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:07,206
(screaming)
418
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,211
Father, you're hurt.
419
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:15,839
Yes, but at least you are safe, my son.
420
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:19,468
Wow, you blood-sucking freaks
love your kids, too?
421
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,888
I remember when he was a baby,
I'd sneak up to his crib
422
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:24,890
in the middle of the day to make sure
423
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,725
he was still not breathing.
424
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:27,935
(sobs softly)
425
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,895
No...!
426
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,147
Well, nobody loves his kids more than me!
427
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,357
(grunts)
428
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,775
Come and get it!
429
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:36,693
(vampires grunting)
430
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,695
Die, fatso!
431
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:39,821
Uh-oh.
432
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,449
His blood-- it's full of cholesterol.
433
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:43,367
And not the good kind.
434
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:44,660
(laughing)
435
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,120
(groaning)
436
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:48,121
Whoo-hoo!
437
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:49,957
LISA: Uh, Dad?
438
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,792
They turned you into a vampire.
439
00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:53,335
Yes! I can fly!
440
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:54,711
See you back at the house.
441
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,505
(laughing)
442
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,465
Uh-oh. No...!
443
00:20:58,548 --> 00:20:59,549
(thud)
444
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,267
(music playing)
445
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,061
(screams)
446
00:21:57,566 --> 00:21:59,985
{\an8}Subtitled by M. Tan