1
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:04,129
CHORUS SINGS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:04,212 --> 00:00:06,297
(laughing maniacally)
3
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(exclaims)
4
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(school bell ringing)
5
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(Barney belches)
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(whistle blows)
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(yells)
8
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(grunts)
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(gunfire)
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(tires screeching)
13
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(horn honking, Grampa shouts)
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D'oh!
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(tires screeching)
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(grunts)
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(soft jazz music playing)
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(sighs)
Terrible.
19
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♪♪
20
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{\an8}(groans) I can't believe
you're making us
21
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{\an8}go to a birthday party
for a kid we don't even know.
22
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,944
{\an8}Oh, you
remember Dylan.
23
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{\an8}You were in Toddle
Tots together.
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I don't even remember
if Dylan's a boy or a girl.
25
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:56,908
{\an8}Of course you do.
26
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,368
{\an8}Dylan's a...
27
00:01:58,451 --> 00:01:59,285
{\an8}Hmm.
28
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,787
{\an8}Let me check the invitation.
29
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Fish theme?
30
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That tells me nothing!
31
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{\an8}There's got to be a
clue here somewhere.
32
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{\an8}(Tchaikovsky's Overture to
Sleeping Beauty playing)
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{\an8}See? Dylan's
clearly a girl--
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00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,803
(Purcell's
Funeral of Queen Mary playing)
35
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(punches landing)
36
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,724
{\an8}Hmm? What kind of party
has two activities?
37
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,018
{\an8}They're just trying
to confuse me.
38
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{\an8}Look, everyone,
Dylan's best friend is here.
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Oh! I give up!
40
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{\an8}I hope Dylan
likes trucks.
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{\an8}Lady, you don't know Dylan!
42
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:38,658
Hmm!
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{\an8}Ugh! Carrot cake?
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{\an8}Blechh!
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{\an8}Mm-hmm.
46
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,169
{\an8}Oh, carrot cake!
47
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{\an8}(chuckles):
Mmm!
48
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:51,546
{\an8}So moist!
49
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:52,839
{\an8}(swallows)
50
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,717
{\an8}Battle card--
digitate!
51
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,886
{\an8}Defense card--
deflecto-warp!
52
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,180
{\an8}Disubaki--
goji kick!
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00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:01,848
{\an8}Hey, dinks.
Whatcha dweebin'?
54
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,933
{\an8}(scoffs): You don't know
Battle Balls?
55
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,978
{\an8}It's a Japanese card game
based on a cartoon
56
00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:10,231
{\an8}based on an ancient religion
based on a candy bar.
57
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,525
{\an8}It makes Digimon
look like Pokémon.
58
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:14,527
What? Impossible!
59
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,449
{\an8}(squawking cries)
60
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,328
{\an8}(fanfare plays)
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Whoa.
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00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:32,253
Hm? "No food allowed in bank"?
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00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,214
Better lie low,
my sweet red friend.
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(chomps)
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He's got a gun!
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00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:40,511
(panicked yelling)
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(muffled shouting)
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00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,474
{\an8}I think he's saying he'll
kill one hostage an hour
69
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,892
{\an8}until he gets
what he wants.
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00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,019
(muffled shouting)
71
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:51,064
{\an8}He's saying he wants $1 million
in unmarked bills!
72
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,441
{\an8}(muffled):
Oh, that would be nice.
73
00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:54,776
{\an8}-(grunts)
-(zapping)
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00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,361
{\an8}(shrieking)
75
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,323
{\an8}(panting)
76
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,200
{\an8}It's just a
candy apple.
77
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,993
{\an8}(muffled talking)
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00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,079
{\an8}Clearly he's saying he
wants to be tasered again.
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00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,538
{\an8}Get him deep
in the meat.
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00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,541
{\an8}(zapping, shrieking)
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00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,169
{\an8}Homer Simpson, for causing
a panic in the bank
82
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,757
{\an8}you are hereby sentenced to
100 hours of community service!
83
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,259
{\an8}Community service?
84
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,302
{\an8}But... that's work.
85
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,345
What about jail?
86
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,097
Community service.
87
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:25,723
No. I want to go to jail.
88
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,433
{\an8}Free food.
Teardrop tattoos.
89
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:29,894
{\an8}Library books
that come to you.
90
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:33,606
{\an8}I'll serve anything
but the community.
91
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,483
{\an8}So, sweetie, this
community service detail
92
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,151
{\an8}should end around 5:00.
93
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,362
{\an8}You want to go
to that seafood place?
94
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,698
{\an8}Ah, yeah, you got
your book club again.
95
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,658
{\an8}Man, that-that thing
sure meets a lot.
96
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:45,952
{\an8}Hey, you know,
I've read that book.
97
00:04:46,035 --> 00:04:47,370
{\an8}Maybe I could come and...
98
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,914
{\an8}Oh, right, right, right,
not enough chairs.
99
00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:53,293
{\an8}Yeah. Well, I'll probably be
asleep in front of the fridge
100
00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:55,545
when you get home. Bye.
101
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,714
Well, well, well,
102
00:04:57,797 --> 00:05:00,008
the community
service detail.
103
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,093
You people make me sick.
104
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,137
Hey, whatcha packing, Simpson?
105
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,346
Just my lunch.
106
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,307
Chicken parm, meatball parm,
107
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,933
eggplant parm,
108
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,810
shish ka-parm,
angel food parm,
109
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,103
moo goo gai parm.
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{\an8}My wife can
parm anything.
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00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,899
{\an8}Huh. My wife only parms
on my birthday.
112
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:20,278
{\an8}And that's only if I give her
the sad puppy dog look.
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00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,863
(whimpers)
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00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,281
Aw...
115
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:24,490
(whimpers)
116
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,867
-Want a bite?
-Really?
117
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,327
You mean it?
118
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,536
Mmm.
119
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,581
Okay, criminals,
here's your assignments.
120
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,959
Brockman, you get
the used condoms out
of that thorn bush.
121
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:39,297
Krustofsky, go sort those bums
by the war they were in.
122
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:41,924
And, Simpson, you sit down
at this picnic table here
123
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,343
and grab a bite with me.
124
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,136
Teacher's pet.
125
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,096
Hey, find your nose,
funny man.
126
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,307
There was cocaine
in there.
127
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,142
I won't last an
hour. (sobbing)
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00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,983
Do you ever wear your police
pants to regular things?
129
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,110
Throw a jean jacket
on top of these babies,
130
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,403
and you can go anywhere.
131
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:05,239
From fast food to fine dining?
132
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,158
And everything in between.
133
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,202
Ever stop breathing
134
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:12,080
-when you're asleep?
-Oh, yeah, all the time.
135
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,207
They say it's
'cause I'm overweight.
136
00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,917
Overweight? You?
137
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,335
Oh, now, that's crazy.
138
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,129
Now, me, I have to get
my underwear specially made
139
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,173
by this village
in the Ukraine.
140
00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:24,175
They call me
"Daddy Round-Round."
141
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,135
Send me a Christmas card
every year.
142
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,262
That's some
big underwear.
143
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,349
My underpants paid for
their water filtration system.
144
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,934
All right,
that's it for today.
145
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:34,394
Uh, Simpson,
hold on a sec.
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00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,479
Um... (clears throat)
you want to, uh...
147
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,189
(clears throat)
uh, I don't know,
148
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,191
get a beer
sometime, uh...?
149
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,567
Okay. Ever been to Moe's?
150
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,319
Uh, Earth to Homer:
151
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,030
I arrested you there last month.
(chuckles)
152
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,574
Oh, yeah. Sorry I was
such a jerk about it.
153
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,118
Ah, nah, who
could blame you?
154
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,828
Your-your sports
team lost.
155
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,122
Yeah. Well, I-I'll
see you at Moe's.
156
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:56,499
I'm there every day,
5:00 to 11:00.
157
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,959
(chuckles)
158
00:06:58,042 --> 00:06:59,127
Heh.
159
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,628
Uh, calling all units,
160
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:03,005
Chief Wiggum just
made a friend.
161
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,007
Uh, he's not my friend.
162
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,467
He's just a nonviolent perp
163
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,678
I'm gonna pound
a few beers with.
164
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,555
Is he looking at me right now?
165
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:13,349
No, no, no,
don't be so obvious.
166
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,268
Let's all look
without looking, okay?
167
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,229
Mmm...
168
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,524
Oh, my God, he likes me.
Officer up.
169
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:25,194
Oh. Officer way, way up.
170
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,077
Oh, man, this
is so awesome.
171
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,330
I can't believe I'm having
breakfast where the cops do.
172
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,666
Yeah, and you can feel good
about eating here, too.
173
00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,793
Because all the cooks
are ex-cons
174
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,712
getting a second chance.
175
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,182
Aw, dang.
I lost track of time.
176
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,558
I'm gonna be late for work.
177
00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:57,059
Mmm, no, you won't.
178
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,060
Follow me.
179
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,437
(laughs)
180
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,355
(siren wailing)
181
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,400
Wow. So this is what it feels
like to be a pregnant lady.
182
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,904
Hey, Simpson,
183
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,823
think you got all the
best Battle Ball cards?
184
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,617
Well, stink again,
smell-wad.
185
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,495
Ralph Wiggum's got a
platinum lava genie.
186
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,249
How'd a pull-up like you
get a great card like that?
187
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,085
My not-dead grandma
sent it from Tokyo.
188
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,087
Ralph, I will play you
for that card.
189
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:29,008
Okay, but if I win,
you have to teach me
how to play this game.
190
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,092
Deal.
191
00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:33,554
Sir, I think
something's going down.
192
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,306
Something big.
193
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,226
Hmm. Could that be some sort
of narcotics transaction?
194
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,685
Uh, what are you asking
me for?
195
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:41,896
(gasps)
196
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:43,356
Ooh.
197
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,107
I see you're impressed
by my costume
198
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,610
for the school's annual
drug-awareness assembly.
199
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:50,571
Uh, so am I getting
a raise or not?
200
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,489
No.
201
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:55,201
Hey, Homer, hand
me my coffee.
202
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,536
Want some sugar?
203
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:58,746
No, no, I got it.
204
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:06,087
Impressive.
205
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,258
Hey, would it be okay if I,
uh, ran a make on myself?
206
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:11,342
Go ahead.
207
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,138
Drunk
and disorderly?
208
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,182
That's a little redundant.
209
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:21,394
Hey, uh, mind if I do
a little spring cleaning?
210
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:24,063
I'll tell you what, I'll
just look the other way
211
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,899
while you press
"control-F3."
212
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:29,360
Oh. You just put yourself
on AMBER Alert.
213
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,280
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
214
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,198
-Um...
-WOMAN:
Hey! There he is!
215
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,367
{\an8}WIGGUM:
Okay, that's better.
216
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,455
Not a good time
to be carrying this cake.
217
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:45,293
Listen, Homer, uh,
would you like to see my, uh...
218
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,336
my favorite place
in the whole world?
219
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,380
Really? Me?
220
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:52,133
Homer, I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret.
221
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:54,051
Cops don't have
many friends.
222
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,678
Civilians are
scared of us,
223
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,221
and, uh, other cops
224
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,098
just remind us of things
we want to forget.
225
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,977
That's why our friendship
is... so special to me.
226
00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,813
(sniffles):
Chief... me, too.
227
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:09,025
Um, you know I've been back here
for, like, ten hours.
228
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,443
Any chance
of a bathroom break?
229
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,403
Thanks a lot,
jailbird.
230
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,947
Now I've got you on burglary
and killing a moment.
231
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,534
Mrs. Simpson,
Bart has always been
232
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,412
what we educators term
a no-goodnik.
233
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:24,749
But lately his behavior
has taken a more sinister turn.
234
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:28,919
Yes. We have reason to believe
your son has been dealing drugs.
235
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,130
(gasps):
Dealing drugs?
236
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:33,257
That's impossible.
237
00:10:33,341 --> 00:10:36,260
He... he doesn't have
the math skills.
238
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,179
Marge, I know you've
tried everything
239
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:39,472
to keep Bart
under control--
240
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:41,307
Ritalin, Lithium, Zoloft.
241
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:42,892
Well, they didn't work.
242
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,019
He has moved on to drugs.
243
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,854
(worried groan)
244
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:48,981
(door creaks)
245
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:51,233
Bart? Bart, are you here?
246
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:53,944
(rowdy laughter)
247
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:57,031
MILHOUSE:
You really know how
to roll 'em, Bart.
248
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:59,200
(gasps):
That's drug talk.
249
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,035
But I could be mistaken.
250
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:04,580
Let me just listen
to a little more out of context.
251
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,165
This product
is unbelievable.
252
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:07,917
It's imported,
you know.
253
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,418
(gasps)
254
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,212
(coughs)
255
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,259
You ever worry the sun's
not gonna come back
256
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:18,844
after it goes
down at night?
257
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,096
No.
258
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:21,597
Uh, me, neither.
259
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,182
But-but you
know who does?
260
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,476
Ralphie. Got a lot of
worries, that kid.
261
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:26,977
What if the
bed wets him?
262
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:30,022
What if Superman decided
to kill everybody?
263
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,482
(chuckles)
264
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:33,025
Hey, Ralph's a good kid.
265
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:34,276
And he should be.
266
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,320
He's got a great dad.
267
00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:40,491
Ah, Homer Simpson, you always
know the perfect thing to say.
268
00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:41,867
LOU (over radio):
Chief. Chief, it's Lou.
269
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,369
Ugh.
270
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:46,163
Okay, what is it now?
271
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,206
They're shooting at us!
272
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:48,457
We need backup now!
273
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,918
You need backup,
or you want backup?
274
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,671
We got a 2-11 in progress!
275
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,590
Hey, what have I told you
about not using the numbers?
276
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,050
It's an armed robbery, damn it!
277
00:11:58,134 --> 00:11:59,802
(gunshots)
278
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,054
(sighing):
Oh, I guess we should go.
279
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,476
Ooh, ooh. Can
I cuff him?
280
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,311
(laughs)
Sure. Why not?
281
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:10,855
Chief, come on.
He's not trained.
282
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,815
Oh, who are you,
the rules police?
283
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,859
Uh, no.
We are the police police.
284
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,987
Nobody moves, or the
doughboy gets popped.
285
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:19,280
(yelling)
286
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,906
Take your hands off my brother
287
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,158
from another mother.
288
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,535
(gunshot, groans)
289
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:25,911
Let's get
out of here!
290
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,329
Not to worry, Homer.
291
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,373
That's what bulletproof
vests are for.
292
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,041
(sighs)
293
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:33,335
Uh-oh.
294
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,880
(agonized groan)
295
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,350
Is he gonna
be okay?
296
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,894
It's going to be touch and go.
297
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:52,313
His left lung was filled
with shamrock shake.
298
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,899
McDonald's didn't even
sell them this year.
299
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,110
(crying)
300
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,945
Don't worry, Sarah.
301
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,489
Clancy was
there for me,
302
00:13:01,572 --> 00:13:04,074
and I'll be
there for him.
303
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:11,165
♪♪
304
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:23,886
(laughing)
305
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,805
Huh? Oops.
306
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:33,938
Don't die on me, Clancy.
307
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:35,272
(crying)
308
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:38,317
You said our friendship
was special.
309
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,195
Well, if it was
so special,
310
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:44,949
wake up,
you fat sack of...
311
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,409
(moaning)
312
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:48,869
Homer?
313
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,871
Huh? What-what happened to me?
314
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,498
You saved my life.
315
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,543
And I came here every day
to make sure you pulled through.
316
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,002
Thanks, Homer.
317
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,921
You're a true friend.
318
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,130
Unlike that Lou.
319
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,091
You're too late.
320
00:14:02,174 --> 00:14:04,134
Chief, I've been sleeping
on that couch for a week.
321
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:05,636
You missed the wake-up.
322
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,012
That's all that counts.
323
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,097
(sighs)
324
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,225
Clancy, I haven't seen
my family in days.
325
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,185
Would you mind
if I went home now?
326
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:15,980
Now? But I-I just woke up.
327
00:14:16,063 --> 00:14:18,816
Well, if you really want me
to stay...
328
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,943
No, no.
You do what you have to do.
329
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:22,820
Live your life... which I saved.
330
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,905
Fine. I'll stay
a little more.
331
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,490
Great. Great.
332
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:29,326
And can you read me a story...
that you write yourself?
333
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,078
It should be about
an imaginary meeting
334
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,163
between Babe Ruth
and Hitler.
335
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:35,749
But make no mention of
baseball or Germany.
336
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:36,834
And... begin.
337
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,753
(groans)
338
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,599
Oh.
339
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:53,267
Ah. Ooh.
340
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,394
(groans)
341
00:14:58,105 --> 00:14:59,106
(gasps)
342
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,442
(groaning)
343
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,324
Hmm?
344
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:09,867
Oh. Hmm.
345
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:12,912
Awesome.
346
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,747
You finally made
my room cool.
347
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:18,208
Bart Simpson,
are you a drug-o?
348
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,835
What? No.
349
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,962
Not until you
raise my allowance.
350
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,714
Well, can you explain
what you were doing
351
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,466
in the basement with Milhouse?
352
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:27,051
Getting higher and higher...
353
00:15:27,134 --> 00:15:27,927
(Marge gasps)
354
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,720
...scores on Battle Ball.
355
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:30,804
(sighs)
356
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,645
Hey, that's pretty nifty.
357
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,229
Let me try.
358
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:43,943
Oh, my gosh, that's adorable.
359
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,945
This one's going on
the Christmas tree.
360
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,072
It's no fun
if my Mom likes 'em.
361
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:49,531
(flushing)
362
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,241
Oh. Come on, toilet.
363
00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,744
If you can handle Dad,
you can handle this.
364
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,413
Homer, where you been
the last few weeks?
365
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:59,291
Playing nursemaid
to Chief Wiggum.
366
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:02,294
People who get shot in the
chest are such big babies.
367
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,800
Ah. That is so much better
than hospital beer.
368
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,719
Well, well, well.
369
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,764
So this is
the St. Elmo's Fire reunion
370
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:17,101
that Andrew McCarthy himself
was going to attend.
371
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:20,187
Okay, maybe I lied,
but you've been so needy.
372
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,857
"I'm hungry," "I'm itchy,"
"That's not my blood type."
373
00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:24,900
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
374
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,612
Oh. Oh. What have we here? Huh.
375
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,531
"World's worst friend."
376
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:32,282
Hey, man, you planted that.
377
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,827
It's your word
against the chief of police.
378
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,537
Take him away, boys.
379
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:39,373
Chief, being a
bad friend isn't
against the law.
380
00:16:39,456 --> 00:16:41,667
Well, if it was,
he'd be getting the chair.
381
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,252
You-you all would.
382
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,338
Bad friend. Bad friend.
Bad friend.
383
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:50,217
(sobbing, gunshots)
384
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,886
(dramatic music playing on TV)
385
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,054
(tires squealing)
386
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:57,599
Who gave me up?
387
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,018
Guess what,
Silkie.
388
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,185
It was your
own mother.
389
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:01,812
How does that feel?
390
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,105
You both jive.
391
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:06,191
You hear me?
You both jive.
392
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,776
(both laughing)
393
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:11,655
♪♪
394
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,992
Oh, everything reminds me
of Clancy.
395
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:17,953
Yeah. You mugs'll never
take me alive, see.
396
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,289
(snorting)
397
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,417
Oh, everything.
398
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,336
MARGE:
Homer, you have visitors.
399
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,255
Homer, we haven't seen the Chief
in days,
400
00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:29,298
and, uh,
we're starting to worry.
401
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,799
Any idea where
he might be?
402
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,385
I have an idea,
but I must go alone.
403
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,679
(whispers loudly):
My car is filled
404
00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:38,390
with printer paper
I stole from work.
405
00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:43,228
Hey, Chief.
406
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,857
I, uh, brought a
32-piece chicken bucket.
407
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:51,570
Ha. Just like you to forget
that I might want some.
408
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:52,571
FAT TONY:
Come on. Come on.
409
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:54,031
Stitch those
alligators.
410
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:56,825
We got to get those knockoff
Lacoste shirts to the mall
411
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,203
in time for the crazy days
of summer sale.
412
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:00,370
WIGGUM:
Freeze.
413
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,413
Huh.
414
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,123
Whoa. Careful, boys.
415
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,333
Looks like
his weapon's loaded...
416
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,044
with 12 original herbs
and spices.
417
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:09,755
(laughing)
418
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,882
You're jive.
Do you hear me?
419
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:14,134
-You're all jive.
-(gun chambers click)
420
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:22,476
♪♪
421
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:24,269
I'm sorry, Homer.
422
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,231
If I hadn't have been so needy,
we wouldn't be in this trunk.
423
00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,441
Well, I was
kind of ungrateful.
424
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,901
You did save my life.
425
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,195
Well, at least we got
to be friends again,
426
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,447
you know, before
we got whacked.
427
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:38,325
We're not gonna get whacked.
428
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:39,743
Because you're
Chief Clancy Wiggum,
429
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,870
and you're gonna figure a way
out of this.
430
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,705
You have that much faith in me?
431
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,917
No. Faith is what you have
in things that don't exist.
432
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,044
Your awesomeness is real.
433
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:57,427
(grunts)
434
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:07,563
Louie, how about
some ominous music?
435
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,189
It will make our drive
436
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,608
to the body dumpery
most cinematic.
437
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,485
You got it, boss.
438
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:17,239
♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪
439
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,699
♪ That love was meant... ♪
440
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:22,244
This sounds like
your Folk Divas mix.
441
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,370
(tires screech)
442
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,749
I'm gonna slap some sense
into that CD changer.
443
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,168
Eat Fix-A-Flat.
444
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:31,962
(groans)
445
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:33,046
(gun chamber clicks)
446
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,382
(yells)
447
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:39,511
Oh, that was a tire iron
poking me in the back.
448
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,638
Oh, that clears up a lot.
449
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,601
-(radio clicks)
-Attention all units.
450
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:48,061
Chief Wiggum and Homer
have moved into a new phase
451
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,730
in their friendship.
452
00:19:49,813 --> 00:19:52,107
The flame will burn
less brightly perhaps,
453
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,902
but this time,
may last much longer.
454
00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,695
Well said, Lou.
455
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,281
Um, oh, Homer, you want to
take out the police copter
456
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:00,908
and hassle people
with the spotlight?
457
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,285
I know just the guy.
458
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:07,664
HOMER (over bullhorn):
Flanders. Wake up.
459
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:11,501
Take off your clothes
and prepare to be raptured.
460
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:13,587
Okily dokily.
461
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,589
Now, shave off
your mustache
462
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:18,133
and drink the hairs
in a cup of cocoa.
463
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,635
FLANDERS: Hot cocoa?
464
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:21,803
No, ice cold.
465
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,513
(laughing)
466
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:27,059
{\an8}("At Seventeen" playing)
467
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:34,983
♪ I learned the truth at 17 ♪
468
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:39,780
{\an8}♪ That love was meant
for beauty queens ♪
469
00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:43,992
♪ And high school girls
with clear-skinned smiles ♪
470
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:47,454
♪ Who married young
and then retired ♪
471
00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:54,836
{\an8}♪ The valentines I never knew ♪
472
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:59,508
{\an8}♪ The Friday night
charades of youth ♪
473
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:03,553
{\an8}♪ Were spent on one
more beautiful ♪
474
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:08,392
{\an8}♪ At 17, I learned the truth ♪
475
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:15,357
{\an8}♪ And those of us
with ravaged faces ♪
476
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,568
{\an8}♪ Lacking in the
social graces ♪
477
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:21,613
{\an8}♪ Desperately remained
at home... ♪
478
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:23,699
Shh.
479
00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,912
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem