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The Simpsons.

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For centuries,

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man has been ruled
by science and industry.

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But that era is
drawing to a close.

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We stand on the cusp
of a new epoch,

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one of prophecy, puzzles

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and signs in the sky.

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And that epoch begins today.

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Our top story, today
Springfield will experience

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a rare total eclipse
of the sun.

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A solar eclipse is like a woman
breastfeeding in a restaurant.

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It's free, it's beautiful, but under
no circumstances should you look at it.

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We recommend using
a homemade camera obscura

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fashioned from an ordinary
shoebox and paper towel tube.

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This was supposed to be pre-made.
Fine, I'll do it myself!

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Where's the end of
the frigging tape?

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Forget it!
We'll do it next week!

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The eclipse is today.

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There's an eclipse when
I say there's an eclipse!

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Okay, people,
we've hit penumbra.

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Brace yourselves for umbra.

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I'm gonna see it first.

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No! I'm gonna see it first.

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Hit the road, you big load!

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MY Space toy!

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It's okay, Homie.
You can have my viewer.

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But, Mom,
you'll miss the eclipse.

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There'll be another one
in North Yemen in 2027.

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We have totality, people.

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We'll be talking about this
together for years.

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- For years!
- For years!

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I finally feel
like part of a family.

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Oh! I can't miss out.
Just one little peek.

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It's beautiful.

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Now, Marge,
your eyes must stay

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completely covered
for two full weeks.

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Don't worry, honey. I'll
be your seeing-eye Homer.

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We're in some kind
of doctor room.

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Bunch of stuff
on the walls.

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It's kind of hard to describe.
I'm gonna take my break now.

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Now, Simpsons, I must warn
you, any stress could increase

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the blood pressure in Marge's
eyeballs, leading to what we call.

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Tex Avery Syndrome.

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Wolves are taking
all our women.

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You guys have treated me
like a princess.

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Every day's been like the first
10 minutes of Mother's Day.

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You just rest those rods
and coddle those cones.

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Everything's taken care of.

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Dad, come in
the kitchen, quick!

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Is there any other way
to enter a kitchen?

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Aw... Rats in the kitchen,

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just like that delightful
movie I taped in the theater.

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He's controlling
me with my hair,

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using me to cook a delicious sole
meuniére with a celery root purée

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and carrots Vichy.

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Mmm. This is good.

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Good but not great.
I'll go get some rat poison.

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There you go. This'll kill those
dirty rats and the clean ones, too.

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That's not candy, sweetheart.

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What is it with kids and
candy-colored poison, huh?

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No, you stupid dog!
That's Maggie's bunny!

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Not in front of
the poison man!

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Whoever is biting me,
stop it!

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Why did I bring the baby and
the dog to the poison store?

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Oh, how am I gonna get
us all across this river?

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A boat!

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We're too heavy.

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Let's see. I need to
get the baby, the dog,

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and the poison
across the river,

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but I can only take
one thing at a time.

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I can't leave the baby
alone with the poison.

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And I can't leave the dog
alone with the baby.

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Can't someone help me
with this puzzle?

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Professor Frink,
help me figure this out!

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Yo! Over here!

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What?

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Great time to nap, Einstein!

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Okay. Maggie, dog, poison, you're
all involved, so listen up.

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First, I row Maggie over,
leaving the dog and the poison.

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Then I row back alone,
take the poison over

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and bring Maggie back. Then I
take the dog over, come back,

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get Maggie, row across, and before
I know it, I'm back at home.

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Were you listening at all?

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CLETUSI Sir?

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I'd be obliged to you
if you'd help me puzzle out

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my fox, duck
and corn situation.

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Well, the puzzle done
puzzled itself out.

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Now I need to leave you
where you'll be safe,

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under the watchful
eyes of God.

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And I'll be
watching you, too,

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in case God's busy
making tornadoes

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or not existing.

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I see you!

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I see you!

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Look at that.

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One of God's
discarded miracles.

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Catholics!

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Give me my baby back!

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Sir, our mission
is quite clear.

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Why would you leave such a
beautiful baby on our doorstep?

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Because she was fighting my
dog and stealing my poison.

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Now give her back so I can take
her home to my rat-infested house.

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No. The poor dear is
right where she belongs.

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Come on, lady. Have a heart!

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I'm sure your husband
does stupid things sometimes.

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I'm married to Jesus!

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Yeah, right.

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And I'm married
to Wonder Woman.

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Kids, I have to tell
your mom I lost Maggie.

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But Dr. Hibbert said
not to stress her out.

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Wait! I have an idea.

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One of us can go undercover as a
nun and infiltrate the convent.

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Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no!

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There is no way
Homer Simpson's

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gonna put on a dress
and act like a nun.

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Told you there was
no way I would do it.

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Are you sure you don't want me to do it?
Because I can do it!

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I got the outfit right here.

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Dad, leave, so I can
get into character.

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Hello. I'm a poor little
sinner who's lost her way.

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May I join your order?

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How do you feel
aboutkneefing?

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Can't get enough.

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You're in.

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Finally, you must wear your
habit modestly at all times,

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not like Sister Marilyn.

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The nursery!

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If you're happy
and you know it That's a sin.

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If you're happy and you
know it That's a sin.

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Where's Maggie?

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Mother Superior, are those all
the babies in our orphanage?

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Looking for more
unwanted babies, are you?

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Well, next week's nine months
after the prom.

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They'll be stacked up
to the ceiling.

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No. I was just thinking you
might have some in the back

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you haven't put out yet.

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Oh, a doubting Thomas,
are you?

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Well, more of
a Curious George.

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Well, little monkey,

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it's time for you
to spend some time

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with the Man in
the Yellow Hat.

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Why would Mother Superior lie
to me about not having Maggie?

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What is going on?

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A jewel.
Why would nuns want a jewel?

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Find the jewel,
find what you desire.

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The jewel will lead me to my baby sister?
Why are you telling me this?

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Because I'm sick of
that Mother Superior.

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Whenever we play football,
she has to be quarterback.

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Now you must solve
a series of clues.

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You mean an increasingly difficult
series of challenges to my intellect?

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That's so cool.

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Plus, you find your sister.
Oh, sure.

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Your first clue.

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And before you decide to
become a nun, consider this.

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I am only 23.

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That's Latin. "Deum" is God. And
of course "quaerite" means seek.

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"Seek God with
heart and soul."

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Heart and Soul!

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I fell in love
with you Heart and soul.

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Homie, I haven't held Maggie all day.
Can you hand her to me?

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No problem, sweetie.

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Ooh! Mommy's little baby
is getting big and chubby.

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Who's a chubby baby?

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But that doesn't mean that you
can't have a little dinner.

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Hmm. You're not
usually this greedy.

166
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Cool it.
She's getting suspicious.

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You cool it!
I'm hungry!

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Cryptic message. Maybe this
will lead me to the gem.

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Hmm. What if I read
every other word?

170
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That's not very nice.
I will try again

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but not because
the wall told me to.

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Big ring.

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Big ring.

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So many rings.

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But which one is the key
to finding the gem?

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Well, did you get it?

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No. I'm not a smart nerd.
I'm just a weak nerd.

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The biggest ring
in Springfield

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comes from the bell in the
Springfield bell tower!

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Good night, Bart.

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I'll be right in, Lisa!

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Good night, Lisa.

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Good night.

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Ooh! Jazz.

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Keep going and I'll scat.

186
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Principal Skinner?
Comic Book Guy?

187
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What are you doing here?

188
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Following you.
We seek the gem of St. Teresa.

189
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Oh. Well, I seek it so
I can find my sister.

190
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How do you know
about the gem?

191
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,922
We are an ancient order
of mystery buffs

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who hide in shadow and call
ourselves The Brethren of the Quest.

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Because we do our sleuthing in
Mother's Nissan Quest minivan.

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Tell me all you know
about the gem.

195
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:27,974
Never!

196
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Does your mother know
you're using her minivan?

197
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You see, legend has it that on
her deathbed, St. Teresa of Avila

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had a vision of a jewel that would
usher in an era of peace and harmony.

199
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,112
She dispatched a team
of nuns to the New World

200
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,239
to seek this fabulous gem.

201
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,128
They landed at what
is now Philadelphia,

202
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and used the timbers of their
ship to construct a convent.

203
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,933
The order flourished, never
forgetting its sacred mission.

204
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But word about
the gem got out,

205
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and a group of high-ranking
Freemasons led by Benjamin Franklin,

206
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,900
George Washington,
and King George III

207
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,361
staged a phony war
of independence

208
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:24,655
to cover their search
for the gem.

209
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:39,045
Fleeing the violence, the nuns of St.
Teresa's left the colonies

210
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,546
and settled here
in Springfield.

211
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,883
Legend and Wikipedia have it

212
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:45,259
that the gem
will be revealed

213
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:48,262
during the first full moon
after a solar eclipse.

214
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,555
That's tonight!

215
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,641
One question remains.

216
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,727
Why did you come here?

217
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:56,896
Because I cleverly
deduced the answer

218
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:59,315
to Springfield's
biggest ring.

219
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:05,696
Well, it gives me no pleasure to
say your deduction was faulty!

220
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:10,993
This is a fake,
papier-méché bell.

221
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,579
The real bell was melted
down in World War ll

222
00:15:13,662 --> 00:15:15,414
to make Civil War chess sets,

223
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,208
four of which I own.

224
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,959
Oh, my God!

225
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:22,004
I know what the biggest ring
in Springfield is!

226
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,715
It's been right in front
of us the whole time.

227
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,842
Ah. Ah, yes. I see it.

228
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,804
I see it, too.
Let's head that way.

229
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:33,099
We'll walk or drive
to the obvious solution.

230
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,397
Oh, the word "ring"!

231
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:51,867
Well, well, if it isn't the
Tardy Boys and Nancy Clueless.

232
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,453
Mr. Burns?
What are you doing here?

233
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,789
I've known about
the gem for years.

234
00:15:56,872 --> 00:16:00,584
You see, my dear girl, I joined the
Freemasons before it was trendy.

235
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:04,171
That's my eyeball on the dollar bill.
That's also my pyramid.

236
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,965
Hence, I trailed you
on your quest,

237
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accompanied by my
faithful albino.

238
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,970
I keep telling you,
I'm not an albino!

239
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,721
I just use a lot
of sun block.

240
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:16,308
Then why do I give you all the
albino holidays off? Hmm? Hmm?

241
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,727
Look! There's writing
on the </span>

242
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,813
Everything is writing
to you young people.

243
00:16:20,896 --> 00:16:22,857
From this angle
they're words.

244
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,615
Great crimes kill holy sage?

245
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,827
The puzzle is solved. We must
warn the holy sage at once!

246
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,328
No! That's not it.

247
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:40,249
A secret message this awkwardly
worded is always an anagram.

248
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,252
Fine. Then you unscramble
those letters

249
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,004
to spell out
the location of the gem

250
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:48,174
while you two dig
your own graves.

251
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:55,055
Superman, I have
believed in you for years.

252
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:59,268
If you can hear me now, please
come help me dig this giant grave.

253
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,277
So the anagram spells...

254
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,036
So the gem is inside you?

255
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,206
Sir, stop. She is the gem.

256
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,582
Of course.

257
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,876
St. Teresa wouldn't be
interested in a mere bauble.

258
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,420
Her greatest treasure
would be a pure young girl.

259
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:28,255
You are pure, aren't you?

260
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,715
Does kissing Milhouse count? No.

261
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,133
No.

262
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:35,387
It all adds up. I am the gem
that will bring world peace.

263
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:38,015
How brilliant of God
to remove my skepticism

264
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,184
by making me
his chosen one!

265
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:44,146
According to legend, the gem must be
brought to the convent by sunrise.

266
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:47,441
We could make it if we took
Mr. Burns' helicopter.

267
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,735
Hmm. I don't really
want you people inside.

268
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,487
But you could dangle
from the skids.

269
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,613
Deal.

270
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,324
It feels good to help
someone, doesn't it, sir?

271
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,785
No. It feels weird.

272
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,795
Look who's here!

273
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,846
Fine, fine. Finish your song.
I can be patient.

274
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,349
After all,
I am the Gem Child.

275
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,934
Hush, you foolish girl!

276
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,811
The gem is over there.

277
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,607
Maggie? No, no, no.
The solution was,

278
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:31,110
"Regally,
the rock gem is Lisa."

279
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:35,281
Oh, please. How many sentences
start with the word "regally"?

280
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:36,949
This one.

281
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,534
Oh, give me that!

282
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:45,457
"It's really
Maggie, Sherlock."

283
00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:47,686
You know, I have to point out
that this only makes sense,

284
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,712
if I get
the wrong answer first.

285
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,297
I said hush!

286
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:58,971
Now begins a new era of peace
and prosperity for Springfield.

287
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,687
Come on, man! That's the fifth
call you've missed today!

288
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,491
That's it! You're out of...

289
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,081
Just set it to massage.

290
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,962
Something tells me
the Gem of St. Teresa

291
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,922
has been returned
to its throne.

292
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:40,346
Maggie, it's true!
You are the Gem Child!

293
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:44,516
Four centuries of pafientsacflfice
has finally paid off.

294
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,852
All is peace and harmony.

295
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,979
Give me my baby back!

296
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:51,482
Mom, how did you know
Maggie was here?

297
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,233
A mother knows!

298
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,697
Maggie, you're coming
home with me.

299
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,408
Mom, wait!
Maggie is the Gem Child!

300
00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:03,327
She's brought peace
to our town

301
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:05,954
and reports of less road
rage in Shelbyville.

302
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,873
She has to stay here.

303
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:13,295
Well, it would be nice if the first
thing I saw was a world at peace.

304
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:23,222
You're even more beautiful
than I remembered.

305
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,306
I'm sorry.

306
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,475
But I know God
would never ask

307
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,644
a mother to sacrifice
her child

308
00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,813
for the good of the world

309
00:20:31,313 --> 00:20:32,356
again.

310
00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:38,320
Maybe I'm just being selfish.
I don't know.

311
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:41,532
No, Marge. You're the most
giving person I know.

312
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,410
Besides, I gave them
another Gem Child

313
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,495
to sit on their
precious throne.

314
00:20:46,995 --> 00:20:49,832
Step aside, ladies.
I'm bringing the peace.

315
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:06,098
I am so
staying up past my bedtime.

316
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:00,402
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