1
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:06,923
The Simpsons.

2
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,829
Three, two, one...
Happy New Year!

3
00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:02,414
Of school!

4
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,126
What are you doing?

5
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,003
It's the first
day of school!

6
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,047
You're the government's
problem now!

7
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,299
Yeah!

8
00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:16,970
Free at last,
free at last!

9
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,848
I can't believe we have to
start another year of school.

10
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,850
Inever learned anything
at that suck shack.

11
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:23,035
Who taught you
that language?

12
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,060
A kid at school.

13
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,812
So you did
learn something.

14
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:29,399
Homie, the insurance bill is due today.
Can you make sure to mail it?

15
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,570
Absolutely. Insurance is
the greatest deal ever.

16
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:37,782
If I get hurt, I get paid.
And, man, do I get hurt!

17
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,171
Easy.

18
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,066
What is it?

19
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,361
Not again!

20
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:25,288
D'0h! D'0h! D'0h! D'0h!

21
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,793
What a week.

22
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Welcome to another school year.

23
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One important note. The flower-based
names of the reading groups

24
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:41,262
are now barnyard-based.

25
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,306
Mr. Becker has
protested the move.

26
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,892
So his group will
remain the Daffodils.

27
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,311
Yeah! Where are my Dils at?

28
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:51,815
Go, Dils. Go, Dils. Go, Dils.

29
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I never tire of that.
One other announcement.

30
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At the end of the month,
we'll be participating

31
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in the Vice President's
Assessment Test.

32
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He stinks!

33
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:03,368
We're assessing you, not him.

34
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,452
Withdrawn.

35
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:08,498
The VPAT is part of the federal
government's No Child Left Alone Act.

36
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,421
It will be a rewarding
day of pencil sharpening

37
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,502
and eyes on your
own paper keeping.

38
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:14,838
Cut the horse bull,
Seymour.

39
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,924
Your scores on this test
will determine how much money

40
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:20,593
this suck shack gets
for years to come.

41
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:23,513
So we will spend every
moment of the next two weeks

42
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:28,518
drilling the questions and answers
into your soft little skulls.

43
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:32,355
Shy is to gregarious.

44
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:37,152
As peaceful
is to bellicose.

45
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,285
Okay, children. The answers
to the standardized test

46
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,745
fall into 12
basic patterns.

47
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:51,833
Repeat after me: Ac: C: Ac: A,
dabacca, accacaca.

48
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,294
Accaca, dabacca, accacaca.
Accaca, dabacca, accacaca.

49
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:57,297
Number two:
Dacacca, adada, badacad.

50
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,883
Dacacca, adada, badacad.
Dacacca, adada, badacad.

51
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,636
Biggest city in Montana!

52
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,555
Helena?
Wrong!

53
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,557
912 divided by six.

54
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,975
You can't teach this way!

55
00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,311
Yes, I can!
Studies show it works.

56
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,147
Where were these
studies conducted?

57
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,482
Ball State!

58
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,318
So when you take
your practice test,

59
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,029
take your number
two pencil and...

60
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,655
What kind of pencil
do we take again?

61
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,033
Number two.
Take a number two.

62
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,578
Looks like you took
a big number two.

63
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,708
Yes, quite so. As you can see, I'm
holding a big number two in my hands.

64
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:35,793
Enjoying the weight
and feel of it.

65
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:52,060
Test day at last! Now I can
show off at the federal level!

66
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,020
Hey, Bart, on the
practice test yesterday,

67
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,730
what did you pick
as the best title

68
00:05:55,813 --> 00:05:57,774
for the paragraph
about Manifest Destiny?

69
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,275
Slurp my snot.

70
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,986
I wrote "Slurp my
snot" in the ovals

71
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,780
on the answer sheet.
True story.

72
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:06,658
Dad! Bart's throwing
away his future!

73
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:10,203
Oh, no! Now who will sell
oranges on the off ramp?

74
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,708
Great jokes
make me hungry.

75
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,335
I wonder what's in the pantry?

76
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,137
Wait a minute.

77
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,434
Wait a minute!

78
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,696
Bart, we need to talk to you
about your practice test.

79
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,741
I warned you.

80
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,827
You got a perfect score.

81
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,665
Wonderful job, son.
Just stellar.

82
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:57,417
HOW did I do?

83
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,752
What did I get wrong?
Several answers.

84
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:03,464
Several? That's more than
a few and almost a bunch!

85
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,259
Bart, because of your
superior intellect...

86
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,761
No, but wait! I aced the math part, right?
Because I...

87
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Run along now.

88
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,101
Bart, you and the other
perfect-scoring superstars

89
00:07:15,184 --> 00:07:18,313
are exempt from taking
the actual test today.

90
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,397
No test?

91
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,107
Don't be too disappointed.

92
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:24,152
We are throwing you a pizza
party at a bowling alley.

93
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,278
Well, it's about time.

94
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:27,864
Come.
Your helicopter awaits.

95
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:39,292
Check it out!
Bart's a superstar, too!

96
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,044
Bart's here!
Awesome!

97
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:44,422
Wait a minute. This ain't no genius copter.
This is Con Air!

98
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,008
Take it away, Willie!

99
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,638
Enjoy your flight!

100
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,308
Brilliant plan to remove all the
underperformers for test day, sir.

101
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:57,727
Yes. All of them.

102
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,731
Why, Seymour, it seems I left
my sunglasses on the bus.

103
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,107
Well, I'd best
retrieve them.

104
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,234
Yes, yes, you'd best.

105
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,529
Sir?

106
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,699
So long, superstars.

107
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,337
I can't believe it.

108
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,673
Superintendent
Chalmers betrayed me

109
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:30,385
after all the wrapping paper
I bought from his daughter.

110
00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,679
Pizza party!
Pizza party!

111
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,723
Helicopter!
Helicopter!

112
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,100
Stop it!
All of you!

113
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,603
What's the matter, superstar?
Feeling sorry for the normals?

114
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:45,274
Don't you get it? There is no pizza party!
This isn't a helicopter!

115
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,068
No pizza party?

116
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,404
Not a helicopter? Huh?

117
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:58,579
Let me explain this to you in terms
even the simplest will understand.

118
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:02,375
We're hiding you in Capital City
for the day so your numbskullery

119
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:06,003
won't drag down the test scores of
the children who are our future.

120
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,087
Told you.

121
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,524
Will there be other
numbskulls there?

122
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,883
Sort of a numbskull
Olympics as it were?

123
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,552
Let's all act stupid!

124
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,348
Guys, guys! Save
it for the competition!

125
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,354
ID, please?

126
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,314
Must be in
the glove box.

127
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:33,364
This was due two weeks ago.
I'm not insured!

128
00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:35,908
For the first
time in my life,

129
00:09:35,992 --> 00:09:38,578
I'm financially responsible
for my own actions!

130
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,204
Uninsured!
Uninsured!

131
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,664
Idiot!

132
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,500
I'm not in good hands!
I'm in no hands!

133
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,711
Like a bad neighbor,
no one is there!

134
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:51,883
"Dear stupid
insurance company,

135
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:56,471
"I meant to
mail this on time.

136
00:09:56,888 --> 00:10:00,016
"What do you mean,
'too bad'?

137
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:03,019
"Screw you! Heh heh."

138
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,444
I won't be insured until 3:00!

139
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:14,113
Okay, until then, I have to
avoid any serious injuries

140
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,866
or accidents on my
property, or I'm ruined!

141
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:19,869
No, you don't!

142
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:29,128
Now I know some of you may
suffer from test anxiety.

143
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:33,674
Here's a helpful hint. Imagine
each question is a baby chick.

144
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,969
If you answer wrong,
the chick dies.

145
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,306
Shut up.
They would've died anyway.

146
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:44,227
Now the test will begin
in five, four, three...

147
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,646
Oh, my God. We should've
begun four minutes ago.

148
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:49,524
Go, 90, go,

149
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:50,733
You can do it, Lisa.

150
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,528
There's nothing in the
room but you and the test.

151
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,716
Focus.

152
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,347
Pride is to downfall as
overconfidence is to...

153
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,855
What? They're all equally valid.

154
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,358
But that can't be. In life,
everything only has one answer!

155
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,987
Piece of cake, huh?

156
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,949
I'm writing
on my shirt!

157
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,998
Hey, Seymour.
I just realized something.

158
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:51,544
You're stuck babysitting us losers,
which makes you the real loser.

159
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,797
For your information,
I am not a loser.

160
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,675
I am a successful principal who
paints houses in the summertime.

161
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,803
You painted our garage, and
it was peeling by October.

162
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,890
Your dad insisted I
use an inferior primer.

163
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,142
Loser, loser.

164
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,269
Excuse me, Mommy.
I have to go potty.

165
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:12,565
Otto, can you
pull over? Pull over!

166
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,401
Sorry. I was mesmerized
by the little boy's dance.

167
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:22,658
Yo, I'll tell you what
I want What I really, really want.

168
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,803
So tell me what you want
What you really, really want

169
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,913
I'll tell you what I want
What I really, really want.

170
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:29,123
So tell me what you want
What you really, really want.

171
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:30,833
Ralph, are you
almost finished?

172
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,501
I finished
before we came in.

173
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,006
All right. Now we can get
back on the bus and on...

174
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,677
All aboard?

175
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,847
Hey, Skinner. Want to see
our impression of you?

176
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,558
Well, I guess I could use
an affectionate homage.

177
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,690
All right, stay calm, boys.
Oh, God!

178
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,860
We're at the corner of Cesar Chavez
Way and Martin Luther King Blvd.!

179
00:12:58,152 --> 00:12:59,487
Ay, caramba!

180
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,659
Homie, what are you
doing home so early?

181
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,261
Marge, I won't bore
you with the truth.

182
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,412
All I can say is
that until 3:00 p.m.

183
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:10,414
we must avoid all
accidents and injuries

184
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,041
or we're all going
to the poorhouse.

185
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,794
You mean "back
to the poorhouse."

186
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:15,962
Fine. "Back."

187
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:18,923
And we can't let anyone else
get hurt on our property.

188
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,092
I don't want anyone
to ever get hurt.

189
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,969
Me, too, baby.
But we gotta get real.

190
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,387
We can discuss it later.

191
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,598
Right now, while you're here,
you can help host my book club.

192
00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:32,019
Book club? That's the most stupid,
boring thing ever! Thank you!

193
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:39,235
Now I would never say a bad
word about Cletus and Brandine,

194
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:42,905
but I hear he's been feeding
slop to another woman's pig.

195
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,415
I've been cleaved!

196
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,377
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
We're totally liable!

197
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,383
Yeah.

198
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,970
I mean, no!

199
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,768
Maybe I should just
move on to question two.

200
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,730
Question two, using what you
learned in question one...

201
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,695
Lisa, like Captain Kirk, I'm
not supposed to interfere.

202
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,740
But like T.J. Hooker,
I say what is on my mind.

203
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,200
If you don't know
the answer, just guess.

204
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,161
This test
penalizes guessing.

205
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,872
Itdoes? All right, nobody guess!

206
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,791
Just be right! Get
down on your knees,

207
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,877
Dray to your God, and ask him...

208
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,296
No, demand he tell
you the answer!

209
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:43,382
And if he won't,
he is no God of yours!

210
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:47,386
What's your plan now,
skin rash?

211
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,889
My name isn't skin rash.
It's Principal Skinner.

212
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,974
And you will
address me as such.

213
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,184
Sure thing, Such.

214
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:55,120
I'll deal with your
insubordinate wordplay later.

215
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:59,023
My first duty is to get you boys to safety.
And that's... Where's Ralph?

216
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,277
I'm playing with Elmo!

217
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:20,294
Okay. I just have to keep these tipsy
witches safe for 10 more seconds!

218
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:25,883
Van Johnson was never half
the man Van Heflin was.

219
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,178
Knife!

220
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,876
Apaches!

221
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:03,295
Mr. Burns!

222
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:07,967
Why do terrible things always happen
to wonderful people at 3:01 p.m.?

223
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,094
Which, for the record,
is the correct time.

224
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:20,062
So, plans
for the weekend?

225
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:24,441
Marge, are you mad I forgot
to send in the payment?

226
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:27,153
No, sweetie. At this
point in a marriage,

227
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:30,197
a wife should know what her
husband can do and what he can't.

228
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,867
Who was I to think you
could mail an envelope?

229
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,619
Baby, I hope you
got snuggle insurance

230
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,289
because I'm about
to file a claim!

231
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,780
Bart, do you have
your slingshot?

232
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,764
No, sir. I see it
in your back pocket!

233
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,141
Just don't
stretch it out.

234
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,351
I was once a boy,
and like all boys...

235
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,769
You like all boys?

236
00:17:01,937 --> 00:17:05,649
Shut up! A child is in
danger under my aegis.

237
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,382
Run, Ralph! Run!

238
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:31,508
Okay!

239
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:39,975
Time to do what I've never
done as principal. Something!

240
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,901
Skinner's spazzing out!

241
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,486
I'm not spazzing out.

242
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:53,489
I'm using the principle of
conservation of angular momentum

243
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,115
to turn the container!

244
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:02,081
That is so cool. That's the kind of
stuff they should teach in school.

245
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:03,249
We do
teach it in school!

246
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,126
You're too busy eating sugar
snacks and horsing around!

247
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,045
He's right. Learning
can teach you things.

248
00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:10,005
Education rules!

249
00:18:22,309 --> 00:18:25,271
"But I reckon I got to light out
for the Territory ahead of the rest,

250
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:29,316
"because Aunt Sally she's going
to adopt me and sivilize me,

251
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,987
and I can't stand it.
I been there before."

252
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,571
That book was awesome!

253
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:39,034
Next stop, Springfield
Elementary!

254
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:44,456
Skinner! Otto! Bullies!
The "cowabunga" kid!

255
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:48,294
And the wee nitwit! It's
so good to see you all!

256
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:55,467
All done.

257
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:59,263
And I've got two minutes to
take care of these stray marks.

258
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,141
Well, that's it.

259
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,810
The test is almost over.
And I haven't done a thing.

260
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,145
I've blown
my whole future.

261
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,313
Right.

262
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:12,776
Well, maybe it'll be more
fun to be a regular, average,

263
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,069
stay-at-home...

264
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,780
This test is a joke!

265
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:18,991
Skinner?

266
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:23,329
Todayl received an education
in how children really learn.

267
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,583
By seeing their principal run around
on top of a shipping container.

268
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,670
So children, put down your answer
sheet and drop that number two.

269
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:36,425
Yes, I know what that means.
I've learned so much today.

270
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,678
This is my school, and
I'm throwing out the test!

271
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:45,184
Hooray! I'm a brainy
outcast again!

272
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,186
And finally,
effective immediately,

273
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:49,521
I'm overturning this
school's ban on dancing!

274
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,776
Kick off your Sunday shoes.

275
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,612
Please, Louise.

276
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,448
Pull me off of my knees.

277
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,825
Jack, get back.

278
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,912
C'mon before we crack.

279
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,539
Lose your blues.

280
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,125
Everybody, cut footloose.

281
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,543
Footloose.

282
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,505
Kick off your Sunday shoes.

283
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:17,299
Please, Louise.

284
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:20,094
Pull me off of my knees.

285
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:22,679
Jack, get back.

286
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,516
C'mon before we crack.

287
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:28,227
Lose your blues.

288
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,313
Everybody, cut footloose.

289
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:28,787
ENGLISH - US - PSDH