1 00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:06,297 CHORUS SINGS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,060 (school bell ringing) 3 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,775 (whistle blows) 4 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,322 (beeping) 5 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,164 (playing the blues) 6 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,752 (playing the blues) 7 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:44,669 (tires screeching) 8 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,089 D’oh! 9 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,090 (screams) 10 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,717 (tires screeching) 11 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,722 D’oh! 12 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:56,806 -D’oh! -D’oh! 13 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,016 -D’oh! -D’oh! -D’oh! 14 00:00:58,099 --> 00:00:59,893 (multiple "D’ohs!") 15 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,777 (yelps) 16 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,490 (buzzes) 17 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,283 (chomps) 18 00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,285 (roars) 19 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,246 Ah! 20 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,248 (growls) 21 00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,587 (roars) 22 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,091 (explosion) 23 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,641 (chattering) 24 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,434 (chattering wildly) 25 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,314 Hey. 26 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:53,321 ♪♪ 27 00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,327 What took you so long? 28 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:00,245 (sighs) 29 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,760 {\an8}Excuse me. 30 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:16,761 {\an8}Are you leaving? 31 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:17,887 {\an8}No, sorry. 32 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,349 {\an8}I’m not leaving. 33 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:23,560 {\an8}Sorry, not leaving. 34 00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,395 {\an8}Not quite yet. 35 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,355 {\an8}I’m sorry. 36 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,439 {\an8}I’m not leaving. 37 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,732 {\an8}So what are you doing? 38 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,401 {\an8}Oh, I like creating disappointment. 39 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,570 {\an8}You know that little moment where people’s hope dies? 40 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:34,737 {\an8}I feed on that. 41 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,116 {\an8}Uh, is this space free? 42 00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:40,702 {\an8}You know as a matter of fact... it ain’t! 43 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,078 {\an8}(groans) 44 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,955 {\an8}Ahh, that’s heavenly. 45 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:48,209 (Lisa and Bart groaning) 46 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,422 Mom, you tricked us! 47 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,632 {\an8}We thought this was going to be a fun trip to the mall! 48 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,969 {\an8}We listened to music radio in the car. 49 00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,637 And since you kids behaved, 50 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,973 we’ll pick one fun thing to do here. 51 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,100 I want to go lecture the food court businesses 52 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,935 that are still using Styrofoam. 53 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,104 Lead-based toys! Lead-based toys! 54 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,689 Sit on a bench! Sit on a bench! 55 00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:11,733 (rapid sucking) 56 00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:15,570 {\an8}For once, we’ll do what Maggie wants. 57 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,618 {\an8}Oh, Maggie’s thing? 58 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:23,661 She won’t even remember that we did it! 59 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,205 {\an8}None of you kids ever remember 60 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,123 {\an8}any of the nice things we do for you. 61 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,583 -Like what? -Food. 62 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:29,792 -Pass. -Shelter? 63 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,294 -That dump?! -Clothing? 64 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,129 I wouldn’t blow my nose into this. 65 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,215 Hmph! 66 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:37,967 {\an8}Hmph! 67 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,429 {\an8}Welcome to Stuff-N-Hug, a Funworks Lovelab! 68 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,932 {\an8}I’m used to buying my critters pre-made. 69 00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:45,892 {\an8}How does your store differ? 70 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,185 Why should I tell you, 71 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,229 when we’ve got a video that shows you! 72 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:54,525 Video’s broken, Alan! 73 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:55,485 ALAN: Call Eric! 74 00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,653 I’m Eric! 75 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,029 Black Eric! 76 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,323 I want a poodle. 77 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:02,367 {\an8}I’d stay away from poodles. 78 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:05,078 {\an8}They give the dog... ideas. 79 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:06,454 (Ralph hums) 80 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,625 {\an8}How much love do you want in your Stuff-N-Hug? 81 00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,086 {\an8}I want all the love. 82 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,338 {\an8}(humming resumes) 83 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:16,839 (explosion, laughs) 84 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,549 Snow day! 85 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,677 (coughs) 86 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,303 {\an8}So little girl, 87 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,055 {\an8}what outfit do you want for your dolphin? 88 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,057 {\an8}-Doctor. -Okay... 89 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,100 {\an8}nurse it is. 90 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,309 {\an8}(groans): Professor. 91 00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:29,519 {\an8}Kindergarten teacher. 92 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:30,687 {\an8}-Chef! -Lunch lady! 93 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,314 {\an8}-CEO! -Secretary to a CEO. 94 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,733 {\an8}You know, it’s a boy dolphin. 95 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:38,194 {\an8}Oh... here you go, 96 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,529 {\an8}Doctor. 97 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:42,699 {\an8}(devious chuckle) 98 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,826 {\an8}We fooled her... Betsy. 99 00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:46,828 {\an8}Hmm. 100 00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:49,539 {\an8}Bart is awesome. 101 00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:50,873 {\an8}Bart is awesome. 102 00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,710 {\an8}Wow, this guy could put Milhouse out of business. 103 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,795 {\an8}(Homer sings) 104 00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,171 {\an8}Oh, (chuckles). 105 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,257 {\an8}Well, this is kind of a cute outfit. 106 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,675 (mischievous chuckle) 107 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:02,552 {\an8}BART’S VOICE: Homer is a lard butt. 108 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,594 {\an8}What did you say? 109 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:04,679 {\an8}Homer has booger breath. 110 00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,014 {\an8}It’s a medical condition! 111 00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:07,098 Homer is a big jerk. 112 00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:08,599 Who told you these things about me? 113 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,600 Dung muncher. 114 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:10,685 -Stink brains. -Cheese wang. 115 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,769 Captain Crud. 116 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,771 I don’t want to get mad, but I will! 117 00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,106 -B.O. Baracus. -Mount Baldy. -Tub of Guts. 118 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:16,941 -Crapper Clogger. -Oh, that’s it! 119 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,736 Uh, Mom, we got a code four. 120 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,404 (Homer grunts, insults continue) 121 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,323 I’ll kill you all! 122 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,283 (laughing) 123 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,285 (screams) 124 00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,412 It didn’t have to go down like this! 125 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,499 (Homer hums) 126 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:34,917 (Homer and Marge gasp) 127 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,210 {\an8}The door’s open! 128 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,795 {\an8}I think someone broke in! 129 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:39,714 Don’t worry. I’m ready for this. 130 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:41,966 Bart, fetch "The Defender." 131 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,343 Yes, sir! 132 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,220 (chain rattles) 133 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,474 ♪♪ 134 00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,482 (whispers): I hear noises coming from the kitchen. 135 00:05:57,565 --> 00:05:59,317 Uh-oh, that’s where the food sleeps. 136 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:00,693 ♪♪ 137 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,199 (sniffing): Wait a minute. 138 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,076 I smell apples, cinnamon, 139 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,744 (gasps) crust. 140 00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,120 It’s a pie! 141 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,956 Why would a robber make pie? 142 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,083 Who cares? 143 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,876 If you kill him, we’ll be on TV! 144 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:17,877 You’re right, boy! 145 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,216 Hmm? Mom! 146 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,300 (glass breaking) 147 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,551 NED: My aquarium! 148 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:26,677 Hello, Homer. 149 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:27,762 You’re alive! 150 00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,305 And you baked a pie! 151 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,182 MARGE: Homie, what’s going on? 152 00:06:31,265 --> 00:06:32,308 I’m fighting the robber! 153 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,643 You go get ice cream! 154 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,561 Mom, I can’t believe you’re here. 155 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,188 You keep disappearing and reappearing 156 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,314 and it’s not funny. 157 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,691 You’re just like that show Scrubs. 158 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,111 Homer, I’m sorry I had to pretend to be dead. 159 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,612 But it worked 160 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,073 because the government isn’t looking for me anymore. 161 00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:50,451 I can finally stop running and be your mom. 162 00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,457 -No, thanks. -What do you mean? 163 00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,751 Every time you go, I feel abandoned. 164 00:06:58,835 --> 00:06:59,794 But not this time. 165 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,672 I’m not gonna let myself get hurt. 166 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,924 Homer, I’m through protesting 167 00:07:05,007 --> 00:07:06,843 and chaining myself to things. 168 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,095 I’ve realized that the most important thing 169 00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,222 in my life is you. 170 00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:12,515 That’s what your mouth says, 171 00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,183 but my ears are too smart to believe it. 172 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,395 In fact, I don’t even want your pie. 173 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,063 You already ate the whole thing. 174 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,691 Well, I’m not going to digest it! 175 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:24,902 (grunting) 176 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:33,119 Wow, Dad was so cute as a baby. 177 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,537 When did he lose his cuteness? 178 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,290 Oh, I have a picture of that right here. 179 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,502 (Bart and Lisa shudder) 180 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,504 I do feel bad for missing 181 00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:45,590 so much of Homer’s childhood. 182 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:47,758 But at least he wasn’t raised by a television. 183 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,513 See you later, honey. 184 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:55,475 Mommy has to go chain herself to a nuclear submarine. 185 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:56,809 Hugs and kisses! 186 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,937 (groans) 187 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,066 Mmm. 188 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,029 (chomping) 189 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,199 You left a hole in my heart 190 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,366 that could never be filled. 191 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,535 So I filled it with food. 192 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,246 But I’m never full. 193 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,623 ANNOUNCER (on TV): Welcome back 194 00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,333 to the ESPY Awards. 195 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:24,170 Our next presenters are Lance Armstrong and Fozzy Bear. 196 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,005 Wokka, wokka, wokka! 197 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,757 That’s right, Fozzy, and this year’s 198 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,218 Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to... 199 00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:31,928 Hey, Lance, nice trousers. 200 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,554 Did you win those at the Tour de Pants? 201 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,931 Wokka, wokka! 202 00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,475 Yeah, well, I never thought you were funny. Ever. 203 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,269 Wokka, wokka! 204 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,896 Wokka, wokka? 205 00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:45,816 Anyway, the Right Guard Keeping Cool Under Pressure Award goes to... 206 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,401 -(TV clicks off) -Oh, I don’t even care. 207 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:48,402 MONA: Homer? 208 00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:49,987 Are you okay? 209 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,072 I’m fine. 210 00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:52,615 It’s my feelings that are mad. 211 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,992 Oh, sweetheart, when I left you, 212 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:56,452 it was because I thought I could 213 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,454 make the world a little bit better. 214 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:02,083 Maybe all I did was make my own world a lot worse. 215 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,252 I only hope you can forgive me. 216 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:05,836 No! I can’t forgive you. 217 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,297 And I don’t accept your tuck-in! 218 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,591 (grunts) 219 00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,218 I understand. 220 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,053 These things take time. 221 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:16,347 Good night. 222 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,018 (moaning) 223 00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,772 Oh, I feel terrible. 224 00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:27,817 My own mother reached out to me, and I rejected her. 225 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,360 I’m gonna make her a card. 226 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:31,862 (humming) 227 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:34,824 Mom? 228 00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,534 Are you asleep? 229 00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,036 Asleep with your eyes open? 230 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,830 Mom? 231 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,165 Mom?! 232 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,797 (sobbing) 233 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,717 My mother’s dead. 234 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,552 I’m still with you, son. 235 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:57,179 Oh, this just gets worse and worse! 236 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,140 (sobbing) 237 00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,641 After your mother left me, 238 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,977 I always planned to dance on her grave. 239 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,645 First, it was gonna be the Hustle. 240 00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:07,106 Recently, I’ve been taking tap lessons. 241 00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,399 But now? 242 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,985 Well, I don’t feel much like dancing. 243 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,947 (taps clicking) 244 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,826 Come on, Homie. 245 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:20,161 Your mom wouldn’t have wanted you 246 00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,829 to stay in bed forever. 247 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,372 I’ll tell you what she didn’t want. 248 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,833 Me to be a jerk to her and then she dies. 249 00:10:25,916 --> 00:10:26,959 (sobbing) 250 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,420 (whispers): Say something comforting. 251 00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,714 Okay, comforting, comforting. 252 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:35,092 Uh, Dad, whenever I would hang out with Grandma, 253 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:37,303 she would always ask me about you. 254 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,679 And I’d say you suck. 255 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:41,682 And she would say you don’t suck that bad. 256 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,851 She said I didn’t suck? 257 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:46,937 That bad. 258 00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,649 -Wow. -Yeah. 259 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,025 MOE: Sorry about your ma, Homer. 260 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:54,487 I just wish she hadn’t died thinking I hated her. 261 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,198 Yeah, you should always make peace with your loved ones. 262 00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:59,617 I think I’ll give my ma a call right now. 263 00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,039 Hey, Mom, I just wanted you to know that you mean... 264 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:06,082 Yeah, he’s here. 265 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,291 Hey, Mrs. L. 266 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,085 Those butter cookies you sent were tasty. 267 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,379 And the almond ones, oh! 268 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,631 Aw, I wish I was your son, too. 269 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,257 All right, I’m gonna pass you back... 270 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,426 Okay, okay, I’ll tell him. 271 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,469 Uh, Moe, 272 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,929 Lenny’s mom says she loves you. 273 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,013 (grunts) 274 00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,185 Apu, what do you think happens after you die? 275 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,646 Manjula will sell the store, dye her hair blonde, 276 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,314 and marry my cousin Jangelvar. 277 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,732 Yes, I will. 278 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,276 I mean, do you think my mother’s out there somewhere? 279 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,154 Does she know I feel bad about things I said? 280 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,989 Perhaps she’s around us now. 281 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,492 She may have already been reincarnated as... 282 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,077 that newborn baby or... 283 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,287 that tiny mouse in the nacho cheese. 284 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,915 Oh, for crying out loud, people aren’t mice. 285 00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,583 Oh, what a surprise. 286 00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:52,253 Joe Jesus, Junior is going to set us all straight. 287 00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:54,255 Look, Homer, people don’t come back as anything, 288 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,799 except for our Lord, who came back as bread. 289 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,968 That’s it. 290 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,970 (sighs sadly) 291 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,808 That’s the thing with your religion: it’s a bummer. 292 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:06,892 Even the sing-alongs? 293 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,477 No, the sing-alongs are okay. 294 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,895 MARGE: Homer, 295 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:12,273 look what I found with your mother’s things. 296 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,649 (gasps) 297 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,526 A donut from the future? 298 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:22,116 ANNOUNCER: The following video was recorded at Garry’s Video Wills. 299 00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:25,745 Maggie, that’s the same Garry that filmed your birthday party. 300 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,788 Remember, he brought his girlfriend 301 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,291 and they got in a fight? 302 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:31,459 Hello, Homer. 303 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:34,003 If you are watching this right now, I am dead. 304 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:36,130 Or if I’m not dead, you’ve gotten into my stuff. 305 00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:38,048 But if I am dead, this is my will. 306 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:40,301 And if I’m not, get out of my stuff. 307 00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,677 (sniffs, groans sadly) 308 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:45,598 To my grandson Bart, I leave my Swiss Army knife. 309 00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:47,558 -Cool. -My dearest Lisa, 310 00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:51,020 I leave you a priceless item so powerful 311 00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:53,439 no government can ever extinguish it: 312 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,524 my rebellious spirit. 313 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,985 Grandma, I accept your gift. 314 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,821 ♪ You got nothing, you got nothing. ♪ 315 00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:02,823 Marge, I have a purse for you. 316 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:07,411 It’s woven out of nature’s most amazing material: hemp. 317 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,038 (sniffs) 318 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,039 Hmm, 319 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,999 it smells like concerts. 320 00:13:12,082 --> 00:13:14,376 And lastly, for Homer, 321 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,171 I leave you something very special. 322 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,298 -Woo-hoo! -A difficult task. 323 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,883 -D’oh! -Go to Springfield Monument Park 324 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,093 and climb to the highest point. 325 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:26,138 At exactly 3:00, release my ashes. 326 00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:28,891 I love you, Homer. 327 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:30,309 And now, because they’re your favorite, 328 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,561 please enjoy some animal bloopers. 329 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,940 Aw, Ma, you always knew just how to make everything all right. 330 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,360 (Homer laughing) 331 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,154 Oh, it works on so many levels. 332 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:52,289 (bird squawking) 333 00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:53,707 Okay, this is it. 334 00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:54,792 I’ve got one last chance 335 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,002 to make up for the things I said to my mom. 336 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,046 I will avenge you. 337 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,589 It’s not really avenging her, Dad, 338 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,591 just the fulfillment of her last wish. 339 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,718 I’m really glad you corrected me, Lisa. 340 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:08,514 People are always really glad when they’re corrected. 341 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,310 This is hard work. 342 00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:14,603 Isn’t it, boy? 343 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,688 (panting): Boy? 344 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:16,897 Hey, Homer! 345 00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:19,441 Your butt still looks big from down here! 346 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,694 (echoing): Why, you little...! 347 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:22,945 (cackles) 348 00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,366 You know, spiritually speaking, 349 00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:28,909 Grandma’s ashes won’t know 350 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:30,995 where they’ve been thrown from, so... 351 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:33,873 in a way... 352 00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,583 I’m lying down now. 353 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,963 I always knew that at the end, it would all come down to me. 354 00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:44,133 Excuse me, I think I’m holding up better than you are. 355 00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,552 In fact, I’ve got energy to spare. 356 00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,846 Hmm, to spare, eh? 357 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,014 (grunting) 358 00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:52,099 Marge, your back is so sweaty. 359 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,809 I’m starting to slip off. 360 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,519 (annoyed murmuring) 361 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,937 (grunts) 362 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:57,938 (gasps) 363 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,815 That’s the highest point. 364 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:03,027 And only 15 minutes to go. 365 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,112 ♪♪ 366 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,836 (puzzled grunt) 367 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,672 D’oh! 368 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,008 (panting) 369 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,218 Made it. 370 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,179 (bird squawking) 371 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:34,016 Mom, we didn’t know each other very well. 372 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:37,353 If we did, you never would have asked me to climb anything, 373 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,021 but even when you weren’t around, 374 00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,149 I always felt good knowing you were out there somewhere. 375 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:43,108 (beeping) 376 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,986 3:00. 377 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,947 Goodbye, Mom. 378 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,615 You’re finally free. 379 00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:50,616 (sobbing softly) 380 00:15:52,826 --> 00:15:54,203 Huh? 381 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,041 (alarm blaring) 382 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,793 AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Guidance system destroyed. 383 00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,252 Launch aborted. 384 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,300 Wait a minute. 385 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,719 Mom’s ashes stopped that missile launch. 386 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,012 Mom. 387 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,474 You used me to pull one more stupid hippie protest. 388 00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:16,475 Didn’t you? 389 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,185 Judging from the wind direction, 390 00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,270 distance, time of day, 391 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:23,941 the ashes must have come from... him. 392 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,193 Ugh, ever since you started watching Monk, 393 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,861 you think you are Monk. 394 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,489 You’re not Monk. 395 00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:31,949 Uh-oh, I got to get out of here. 396 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:33,575 Whoa...! 397 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,328 (grunts) 398 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,539 I’m safe as long as nothing disturbs 399 00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,417 this incredibly delicate balance. 400 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,128 (grunting) 401 00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,630 (giggles) 402 00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:47,798 Whee...! 403 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,174 You’re not supposed to like it. 404 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,093 Show me the law that says I can’t. 405 00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,012 Whee...! 406 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,013 (screams) 407 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,014 Are you hurt? 408 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,098 I don’t think so. 409 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:57,766 So we got to do that, too. 410 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,935 (grunting) 411 00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:12,906 Here’s your mother. 412 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,658 You can have her. 413 00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:16,577 To me, she’s been nothing but trouble. 414 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:17,703 What’s the delay? 415 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,455 Mr. Burns, we had a saboteur. 416 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,206 Well, well, well. 417 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,584 Who’s this delightful young lady? 418 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,461 She’s what held up the launch, sir. 419 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:28,255 Pity. You and I could have shared the world. 420 00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,632 You do know you’re talking to a bag of ashes. 421 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,925 Hey, I’ve seen your wife. 422 00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,844 She’s no Mamie Van Doren. 423 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:37,306 Just what are you guys up to? 424 00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,433 Oh, I suppose there’s no harm in telling you. 425 00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:43,020 I’m using the rocket to dispose of Springfield’s nuclear waste 426 00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:46,482 by sending it straight to the heart of the Amazon rainforest. 427 00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,484 (gasping): The rainforest? 428 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,319 That’s that thing Lisa likes. 429 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:51,945 Well, maybe she’ll like it better 430 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,406 filled with dying trees and mutated animals. 431 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:55,616 You monster. 432 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:56,784 On another subject, 433 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,786 next Thursday I have to leave work early. 434 00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,204 I assume that’s cool. 435 00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:03,165 -All systems operational. -(whirring) 436 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,126 Excellent. 437 00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,630 Mom, I’m so sorry. 438 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,299 You just wanted to stop one more senseless act of madness 439 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,300 in this world. 440 00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,676 Well, if I get out of this, 441 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,554 I promise you I’ll grant your last wish. 442 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:19,223 Homer, hey, Homer. 443 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,350 -Here’s Grandma’s knife. -Toss it down. 444 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:24,603 Thanks, boy. 445 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:31,318 How am I ever going to take on all those guys? 446 00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:38,200 Hmm, what could I make from those two things? 447 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,786 Mm... no. 448 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,290 My purse is made of hemp. 449 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:49,169 If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards. 450 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:50,295 We can ignite it 451 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,172 with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me. 452 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,383 I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit. 453 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,051 I found them on her nightstand. 454 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,680 What? Bart got a Swiss Army knife. 455 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,934 ("White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane playing) 456 00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:06,979 ♪ One pill makes you larger ♪ 457 00:19:07,062 --> 00:19:09,731 ♪ And one pill makes you small... ♪ 458 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,191 Hey, did you ever think 459 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:15,028 about how, like, your fingers are like legs for your hand? 460 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:17,239 Imagine what cute little shoes they’d wear. 461 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,658 That’s already a thing-- thimbles, right? 462 00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:21,076 (both laughing) 463 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,036 God bless America! 464 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,538 Whoa! 465 00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:26,123 Agh! 466 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,504 (screams) 467 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,465 (grunts) 468 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,926 Send in reinforcements. 469 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,595 Actually, you only hired ten. 470 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,138 A couple guys called in sick 471 00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,265 and the Jewish guy has to leave at sunset. 472 00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:44,433 Fine. 473 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,768 (grunts) 474 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,563 That’ll do, brick. That’ll do. 475 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:52,774 -(beeping) -Base self-destruct sequence activated. 476 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,986 Detonation in ten, nine, eight... 477 00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:05,078 Homie. 478 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,164 (spy music plays) 479 00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,337 Now I’ll just add water to these ashes 480 00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,172 and bring my mother back to life. 481 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,799 It doesn’t work that way, Homie. 482 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,886 But she’ll live on forever in what you did today. 483 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:23,305 Well, then, Mom, this was for you. 484 00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,640 (grunts) 485 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,266 ("Mother and Child Reunion" by Paul Simon playing) 486 00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:33,315 ♪ No, I would not give you false hope ♪ 487 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:37,527 ♪ On this strange and mournful day ♪ 488 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:41,365 ♪ But the mother and child reunion ♪ 489 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:45,160 ♪ Is only a motion away ♪ 490 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:49,206 ♪ Oh, little darling of mine. ♪ 491 00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:51,208 More sugar, more sugar. 492 00:20:51,291 --> 00:20:53,168 -No. -Why not? 493 00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,588 Because you’re sweet enough. 494 00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:01,927 (chuckles) 495 00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:49,558 {\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA 496 00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:51,977 Shh! 497 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,982 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem