1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,464
CHORUS:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,550
(tires screeching)
3
00:00:09,592 --> 00:00:10,593
D’oh!
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,845
(screams)
5
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,138
(tires screeching)
6
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:32,574
♪♪
7
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:35,160
{\an8}(yawns) Why do we have to
get here so early?
8
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,828
{\an8}The football game
doesn’t start for hours.
9
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:40,081
{\an8}(laughing)
We’re not here for the game.
10
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,291
{\an8}The game is nothing.
11
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:42,459
{\an8}The game is crap.
12
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,419
{\an8}The game makes me sick!
13
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:47,380
{\an8}The real reason we Americans
put up with sports is for this:
14
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,841
{\an8}Behold the tailgate party,
15
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:51,843
{\an8}the pinnacle
of human achievement!
16
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:53,720
Since the dawn of parking lots,
17
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:56,848
man has sought to stuff his guts
with food and alcohol
18
00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,684
in anticipation
of watching others exercise.
19
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:02,103
What childbirth is to women,
20
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:05,523
eating trunk meats
is to the bewanged.
21
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,943
(humming)
22
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,738
{\an8}What could be greater than
eating and drinking for hours
23
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,364
{\an8}in a drizzly parking lot?
24
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:14,699
{\an8}Anything.
25
00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:16,076
{\an8}No. Everything
is better.
26
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,243
-Anything!
-Everything!
27
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,244
-Everything!
-Anything!
28
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,662
-Anything!
-Everything!
29
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:22,415
-Everything!
-Anything!
30
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,417
{\an8}Daddy, I made
a Ralphwich!
31
00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,129
{\an8}Aw! It tastes hurty!
32
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,758
{\an8}That’s ’cause
it’s not food, Ralphie.
33
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,843
{\an8}No, no, no. I’m sorry.
It’s food. It’s food.
34
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,804
{\an8}Everything’s
what you say it is.
35
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:40,058
{\an8}All right.
36
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,017
{\an8}Time to dig in.
37
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,268
{\an8}I brought everything we need.
38
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,104
{\an8}It’s just forks and plates.
39
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,647
{\an8}Didn’t we bring any food?
40
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,607
{\an8}The food is all around us!
41
00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,150
{\an8}You brought us here to beg?
42
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,485
{\an8}Up-bup-bup-bup-bup!
43
00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,487
{\an8}When you know the people
you’re begging from,
44
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,114
{\an8}it’s mooching.
45
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:58,785
{\an8}Moleman! Come here,
ya big bag o’ skin!
46
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:01,162
{\an8}How the hell
are ya, huh?
47
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:04,124
{\an8}(muffled noises)
48
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,251
{\an8}No kidding!
49
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,378
{\an8}Well, that sounds like
you’re going to have fun.
50
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,172
{\an8}(gasping)
51
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,133
{\an8}Springfield U sucks!
52
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:16,719
{\an8}A&M cheerleaders are clumsy!
53
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,390
{\an8}Your superstar professors
treat undergrads
like an afterthought!
54
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,768
{\an8}Your tenure track
is heavily politicized!
55
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,395
{\an8}Oh, that’s it!
56
00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,858
{\an8}Lisa, honey, just
because you’re a girl
57
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,734
{\an8}doesn’t mean you can’t
join in the fun.
58
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,779
{\an8}Maggie and I are washing
the soiled foam fingers.
59
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:40,702
{\an8}Well, I guess I could cut loose
and do a little homework.
60
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:43,746
{\an8}I can start working
on my school video project.
61
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,666
{\an8}The assignment is to film
the beauty of the everyday.
62
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:47,667
{\an8}So let’s see.
63
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,085
Hmm...
64
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,462
♪ ♪
65
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,681
♪ ♪
66
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:14,694
There’s drama and inspiration
everywhere I look.
67
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:21,075
I am a born filmmaker!
68
00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:26,414
(chomping)
69
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,459
Really
interesting stuff.
70
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,336
Three points out
of a possible five.
71
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,670
(feigned laughter)
72
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,173
Ah, that’s a funny joke,
Mr. Kincaid.
73
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:37,634
Is this an art class
or a comedy class?
74
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,052
Seriously, why is it three?
75
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,261
I can make it a two.
76
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:41,679
Three it is!
77
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:44,599
You’re the teacher,
and I accept your decision.
78
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:46,476
The man is an idiot!
79
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:47,977
Agreed.
The film has everything:
80
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,146
emotion, conflict,
Milhouse.
81
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,482
Lisa, you’re a gifted filmmaker.
82
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:55,235
It’s as if Ingmar Bergman
and Penny Marshall had a baby.
83
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:58,363
Principal Skinner, I didn’t know
you knew so much about film.
84
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,572
(chuckles)
85
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,658
Cinema is my secret passion.
86
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,451
I’ve even written
a screenplay or two
87
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:06,079
on speculation.
88
00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,372
When Edna Met Seymour,
89
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:08,414
Ghost Willie,
90
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,874
Killing Seymour’s Mother,
91
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,459
The Principal
Who Sold a Screenplay.
92
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:12,627
They sound great.
93
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,462
I’d love to read them sometime.
94
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,714
Unfortunately, the studios
have made it clear
95
00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:18,591
they’re not interested
in my work.
96
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,218
In fact, I’m...
I’m no longer welcome
97
00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:21,803
on the Universal
Studios tour.
98
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,388
Orlando or Hollywood?
99
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,390
There’s one in Hollywood?!
100
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,141
Yeah, getting back
to my grade...
101
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,476
Forget grades!
102
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,561
With the right subject,
you could be a great filmmaker.
103
00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:33,314
What comes to mind
when you think of drama?
104
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,483
Well, according to Aristotle,
105
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,318
drama contains six elements:
106
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,861
plot, theme, character...
107
00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,030
Not the smarty-pants answer.
108
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,532
Where’s the drama in your life?
109
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,784
Okay, but can I just finish
the smarty-pants answer?
110
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:45,868
No! In your life!
111
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,078
My family!
112
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:48,496
Language, rhythm
and spectacle.
113
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,873
Family, eh? That’s right!
114
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,792
Your brother is Bart Simpson,
115
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,003
one of Mrs. Krabappel’s
fourth graders,
116
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,547
and your father is
a local character of note.
117
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,549
Hmm...
118
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,385
Lisa, if you make a documentary
about your family,
119
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,720
I can help you.
120
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,931
I’m giving you the key
to the AV cage.
121
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,601
(gasps)
122
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,521
This is so generous.
123
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,398
How can I ever repay you?
124
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,568
All I ask is,
if you ever win an Oscar...
125
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,694
give it to me.
126
00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:21,070
Um, okay.
127
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,242
Those cabinetmakers
laughed at me,
128
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,368
but they’ll see.
129
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,623
Lisa, what
are you doing?
130
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,752
I’m making a documentary
about a very special family.
131
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:36,794
Smithers and Burns?
132
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,171
No. Us!
133
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,631
-Can I be Smithers?
-No, Dad, I want you to play
134
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:41,716
Homer Simpson.
135
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,926
Why, ’cause I’m fat?
136
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,220
I love documentaries!
137
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,890
Especially the one
that came with our lawnmower.
138
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:52,393
Although it was suspiciously
pro-lawnmower.
139
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,562
Okay, everyone,
just be yourself.
140
00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:57,106
Don’t look in the camera.
Pretend I’m not here and...
141
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,400
no toupees.
142
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,694
What, I’m going
for a Shia LaBeouf thing.
143
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,529
Not quite a nerd,
not quite a hunk...
144
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:04,739
Shia LaBeouf!
145
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,451
And let’s roll.
146
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:11,704
Uh-oh, there’s already
an on-set romance.
147
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:12,705
(kisses)
148
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,123
(laughs)
149
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,752
Homie, she’s not
making a snuggle film.
150
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:21,089
Ew, Lisa,
make them stop!
151
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:24,092
I’m sorry, but as a filmmaker,
I have to face the truth.
152
00:06:24,175 --> 00:06:26,552
♪ I turn my camera on ♪
153
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,639
♪ I cut my fingers on the way ♪
154
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,683
♪ On the way ♪
155
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,227
♪ The way I’m slipping away ♪
156
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,646
♪ I turn my turn
my feelings off ♪
157
00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:40,108
♪ You made me untouchable
for life ♪
158
00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,485
-♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Yeah-hey ♪
159
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:43,569
♪ And you wasn’t polite ♪
160
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,783
♪ It hit me like a tom ♪
161
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,579
♪ You hit me like a tom ♪
162
00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:59,085
♪ No-no, no ♪
163
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,131
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
164
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,510
Skinner!
165
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,886
Yes, Superintendent Chalmers?
166
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,763
I hear you’ve been encouraging
167
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,473
a student’s creativity!
168
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:13,516
Please, sir, I can explain...
169
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,143
I’m thrilled!
170
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:18,104
Or would have been, if not
for your knee-jerk assumption
171
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,731
that I’m angry at you,
which I am now.
172
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:23,276
Anyway, we have got
to support Lisa Simpson’s film.
173
00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:25,319
This is our chance
to finally show up
174
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,989
that fancy Springfield Creative
Arts Academy.
175
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:33,995
The whole school
is made up of modeling clay.
176
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:36,747
Every afternoon, they reshape it
just to get my goat.
177
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,255
Well, with some school band
music and added effects,
178
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:46,132
we could show Lisa’s film
at the public library.
179
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:48,259
Think bigger, Seymour.
180
00:07:48,342 --> 00:07:49,927
Think film festivals.
181
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,012
You mean...
182
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,346
Banff?
183
00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,764
Banff, Shmanff.
184
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,683
I’m talking about Sundance!
185
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,018
Sundance?!
186
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,896
The preeminent
independent film festival
187
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,398
held each January
in Park City, Utah?
188
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,442
Yes, the very same, yes.
189
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,278
If Lisa’s movie gets in,
we won’t just be the school
190
00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,989
with the highest
hamster mortality rate.
191
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,199
Ah, so young.
192
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,576
We’ll also have a kid
who did a thing.
193
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,661
♪♪
194
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,415
I call this cue
"Homer’s Lament."
195
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:24,545
(pounding)
196
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,131
(gasps)
197
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,926
What are you boys
doing on the Foley stage?
198
00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,678
Awesome-ing up
your sound effects.
199
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,764
Okay, one more take.
200
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,642
Can we please
go to the next scene?
201
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,479
Oh, dear.
202
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,856
{\an8}MAN:
We’re getting too many
mainstream movies.
203
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,525
When are we going
to see a submission
204
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,528
with the Sundance
independent film spirit?
205
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,863
-"Paul Giamatti...
-(all gasping)
206
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:54,033
is the world’s
greatest superspy...
207
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,451
-(all groaning)
-who only exists
208
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,246
in the mind
of an overweight agoraphobic
209
00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,957
-jazz musician...
-ALL: Oh!
210
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,167
played by Martin Lawrence
in a fat suit."
211
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,293
(all groaning)
212
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,883
Oh, okay, here’s one
from Springfield,
213
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,802
-made by a vegetarian...
-(all gasping)
214
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,387
intellectual misfit...
215
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,097
-(all gasping)
-People, you know
216
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,933
you have to limit your gasps
at this altitude.
217
00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:20,560
Oh, and she’s eight years old!
218
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,478
(gasping, thudding)
219
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,859
(sighs)
220
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,695
(humming)
221
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,284
(chuckles):
Stupid charities.
222
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,119
They think I’m going
to give them money?
223
00:09:38,202 --> 00:09:39,662
(laughs):
Save the Children?
224
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,122
Save your breath.
225
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:42,331
Take a hike, Sierra Club.
226
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,083
Doctors without Borders?
227
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,043
Doctors without money!
228
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:48,671
Hey, Greenpeace, you’re
not getting a piece of my green.
229
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,339
Robert Redford? Guess what.
230
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,550
A scissor runs through it.
231
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,594
Dad, no!
232
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,181
(gasps):
My movie got in!
233
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,726
I’m going
to the Sundance Film Festival!
234
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:04,437
Film festival, eh?
235
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,439
("Mexican Hat Dance" plays)
236
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:10,693
(music stops)
237
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,653
Aye, los DVDs!
238
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,864
With director’s commentary
and deleted scenes!
239
00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,074
(gunfire)
240
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,327
(chuckles)
241
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,995
Where’d everybody go?
242
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:27,084
♪♪
243
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,549
I can’t believe
I’m a director
244
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,676
with a movie
at Sundance.
245
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,638
Maybe I can finally
meet Jim Jarmusch
246
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:40,389
and ask him
who he is.
247
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,266
Hey, that’s him.
248
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,601
Who are you?
249
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:46,020
I try to answer that
question in my films.
250
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,438
What else?
251
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:49,565
I can eat a raw onion
without crying.
252
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,608
Prove it, Hollywood.
253
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,530
Hey, you’re crying.
254
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,282
Yeah, but I’m crying
about something else.
255
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,909
What?
256
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,620
This is the last time
we’ll ever be together.
257
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,372
Aw...
258
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,956
{\an8}These badges
259
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,667
will get us into any
of the independent movies
260
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:08,959
playing at Sundance.
261
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,212
Ooh, Regularsville.
262
00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:12,963
Sounds like my kind of place.
263
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:16,717
(sultry music playing)
264
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,135
(horrified grunt)
265
00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:20,137
Oh, Candyland.
266
00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:24,600
A great family game
is now a great family movie.
267
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,523
(gasps)
268
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:31,857
I get it.
269
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:35,486
Every title means the
opposite of what it means.
270
00:11:35,569 --> 00:11:39,240
Then I bet I’ll love
Chernobyl Graveyard.
271
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:43,828
I didn’t.
272
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,416
This is it, my premiere!
273
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,668
We can’t wait to see it,
sweetie.
274
00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,212
(groaning):
Oh, a documentary?
275
00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:56,799
Passes, please.
276
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:57,883
Uh, we’re with them.
277
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:00,970
You know these guys?
278
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:03,514
I’ve never seen them before.
279
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,765
-Uh... we, uh...
-Um...
280
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,142
(both stammering and
chuckling nervously)
281
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,018
-He’s...
-He’s, uh, he’s, uh...
282
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:09,019
Th-that’s a joke.
283
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,020
(both groaning)
284
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,022
Uh-uh.
285
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,399
(both screaming)
286
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:17,737
This can’t be real.
287
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:18,612
It isn’t.
288
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:19,989
You crashed
289
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,491
and now you’re lying unconscious
in a snowbank.
290
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,622
{\an8}ANNOUNCER (whispering):
Chalmskinn.
291
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,253
I’m Lisa Simpson,
and this is my family.
292
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:37,047
(dice clanking)
293
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,176
HOMER:
One, two, three.
294
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,343
Another chute?!
295
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:45,347
(anguished yelling)
296
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:49,101
Why... doesn’t... life...
give me... ladders?!
297
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:52,646
We never get more than
one move into this game.
298
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,815
What a wonderful film
about horrible people.
299
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,567
They’re like the family
from hell on acid
300
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,569
that’s on steroids.
301
00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:03,657
(cackling)
302
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,576
You stupid kid!
303
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,536
What if I walked
in here barefoot?
304
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,163
You did, Dad.
305
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,664
(screams)
306
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:15,586
-(choking)
-(muttering indistinctly)
307
00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:16,754
LISA:
Happy birthday, Mom.
308
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:17,755
(groans sadly)
309
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,340
Thank you, dear.
310
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:21,759
(cheering and applause)
311
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,177
Brava, Lisa!
312
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,678
Shame on Marge!
313
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:26,138
Death to Maggie!
314
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:29,683
Lisa, how could you?
315
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,185
I didn’t mean
it like that.
316
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,270
A lot of things got changed
in the editing room.
317
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:34,605
(chuckles nervously)
318
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,483
LISA:
Proudly edited by Lisa Simpson.
319
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:38,567
Ooh.
320
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:45,908
Lisa, your movie exposed
our crappy side to the world.
321
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:50,120
I knew you were lame, but
I never imagined you were bogus.
322
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:53,749
Sweetie, I’m usually your
number one fan,
323
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,084
but-- call me old-fashioned--
324
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,002
I usually don’t like movies
325
00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,339
that humiliate my family
in front of the world.
326
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,174
Oh... I was just trying
327
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,719
to accurately portray
my unique and quirky home life.
328
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:06,554
Quirky?
329
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,723
Quirky is a grandma
who gives people the finger.
330
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:12,268
You made us look
like monsters.
331
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,394
(chanting):
Monsters!
332
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,230
Monsters!
Monsters!
333
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:19,066
Guys, guys, look,
it’s a documentary.
334
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:22,528
Nobody outside of this festival
is ever going to hear about it.
335
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:26,240
"Lisa Simpson’s unflinching,
darkly comic family portrait
336
00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:28,617
is the can’t-miss hit
of the festival.
337
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,537
Landspeeder, do not Bantha,
to your nearest cinema
338
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,080
to see Lisa Simpson
stab her family
339
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,624
in the back with her camera."
340
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,418
Don’t you dare
post that review.
341
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:38,794
I’m sorry.
You’re too late.
342
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:39,837
I have just hit "enter,"
343
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,089
sending the wi-fi beams
along their way.
344
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,049
Not if I can help it.
Come here, beams, come on.
345
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,551
Hey, hey, where
you going? Come...
346
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:46,594
Oh, there’s too many.
347
00:14:46,677 --> 00:14:47,845
(sighs wearily)
348
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,265
I-I just said
I was thinking
349
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,975
of adopting
Scarlett Johansson.
350
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,269
I mean, is
that so wrong?
351
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:56,562
Well, if we can’t get
into Sundance,
352
00:14:56,645 --> 00:14:57,646
would you like to check out
353
00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,732
its alternative cousin
Slamdance?
354
00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,275
I’d rather die.
355
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:04,361
There they are: the producers
of Capturing the Simpsons.
356
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,738
Your movie’s great.
357
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:08,365
We want to be
in the Chalmskinn business.
358
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,159
This is it, Seymour,
the big deal.
359
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,911
Just play it cool.
360
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,329
Look, we want
to buy this movie
361
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,289
and we’re prepared
to offer you anything.
362
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,749
We’re prepared
to accept anything.
363
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,751
Name your price.
364
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:21,086
We want ten percent
of the first-dollar gross,
365
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,005
full European
distribution rights,
366
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:26,842
and access to the most exclusive
VIP tent in Sundance.
367
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,473
Way to make a
deal, Seymour.
368
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,475
They don’t even know
that my pockets are full
369
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,560
of bottled water
and cornbread.
370
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,686
(laughs)
371
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,939
Yes.
372
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,233
(Lisa groans)
373
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:46,487
(gasping):
It’s them.
374
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,197
Look at them
walking around.
375
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,324
Ugh, they’re
so creepy.
376
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:51,617
Say something
dysfunctional!
377
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,327
Let me get a picture of
you strangling my kid.
378
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,287
No.
379
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,081
Hey, we pay your salary.
380
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,624
(sighs sadly)
381
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,250
I never wanted
382
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,753
to be famous
for being mean.
383
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:06,382
I wanted to be famous
for catching Santa Claus.
384
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,508
(depressed groan)
385
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,134
Let’s just go back to the condo.
386
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,220
We have to wash the dishes
and do the sheets
387
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,888
so it’s nice
for the next people.
388
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,474
I can’t believe
what I’ve done.
389
00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:17,267
Maybe deep down I always knew
390
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,103
how much this film
would hurt them.
391
00:16:19,186 --> 00:16:21,397
Maybe I’m the monster
this movie exposed.
392
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,982
JIM JARMUSCH:
Now what kind
of talk is that?
393
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,233
(gasps)
394
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,360
Oh, hi,
Mr. Jarmusch.
395
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:28,404
Lisa, I’ve been following
your family’s turmoil closely,
396
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,364
and I can relate.
397
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:33,492
My movies, like Stranger
than Paradise and Down by Law,
398
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,452
are also about social misfits
399
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:38,122
experiencing the dark side
of the American dream.
400
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:41,834
I’m doing it again in my next
film, Cheaper by the Dozen 3.
401
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,752
That doesn’t sound
like your kind of movie.
402
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,380
It will be.
Check out the poster.
403
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:49,341
Ew.
404
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:52,177
So, do you think my family
will ever forgive me
405
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,887
for making them
a laughingstock?
406
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:57,141
The answer to that is
where it always is...
in a movie.
407
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:59,143
Let’s take a look.
408
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,068
Nelson? He couldn’t have made
a movie by himself.
409
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,653
Who helped him?
410
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,863
ANNOUNCER (whispering):
Chalmskinn.
411
00:17:10,946 --> 00:17:14,366
Seymour Skinner never puts
all his eggs in one basket.
412
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:18,078
That’s why they call me
"Two Basket" Skinner.
413
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,204
What? They do.
414
00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,372
NELSON:
I’m Nelson.
415
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,790
This is my house.
416
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,125
This is the impound lot
417
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,502
that my house gets towed to
every night.
418
00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:27,129
Let’s get going.
419
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:28,464
We got to swing
by the Laundromat,
420
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,631
steal me a new bra.
421
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:30,883
You’re going to be
the classiest girl
422
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,218
at Classy Girls.
423
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,848
(dog barking)
424
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:39,516
(growling)
425
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,560
No, no, no,
don’t go in there.
426
00:17:41,643 --> 00:17:43,228
Oh, no, he did.
427
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,481
Oh, man, that
is messed up.
428
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,316
Whoa, what the hell
is that?
429
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,901
(whispering):
It’s just a cat.
430
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,194
What?
431
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:52,029
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
now I see it.
432
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:53,405
ALL:
Shh!
433
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,908
Mom, there’s
this school play tonight.
434
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,118
It’s called
Kids Are People Too,
435
00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,120
and I play a grown-up
436
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:02,414
who doesn’t think
kids are people, too.
437
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,042
So if you want
to come...
438
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:07,628
Can’t. I’m organizing
my Laramie Bucks.
439
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:10,506
If I want that golf umbrella,
I got to get to smoking.
440
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:13,675
(growling and barking)
441
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,931
Sometimes
I take the long way home,
442
00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:21,308
past the happy people’s houses.
443
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:23,393
I like to look inside
444
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:26,980
and pretend I have a family
like theirs.
445
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,533
(snoring)
446
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,617
(mumbles)
447
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,537
(continues snoring)
448
00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,798
(quavering):
I like to cry at the ocean,
449
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,676
because only there
do my tears seem small.
450
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:11,733
(cheering and applause)
451
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,235
Thank you, Mr. Jarmusch.
452
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:15,154
You have taught me
a valuable lesson,
453
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:18,532
that other people have bigger
family problems than I do.
454
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:21,702
True, but I was also teaching
you that festival buzz is,
455
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:24,580
like my movie Coffee and
Cigarettes, a funny thing.
456
00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:25,581
Did you see it?
457
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,374
Well, I, uh...
458
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:28,876
That’s okay.
I know you did.
459
00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,961
I like this movie
way better
460
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:32,462
than the one
by that little girl
461
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,132
’cause I saw
this one today.
462
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,009
Wow, I guess
Nelson’s the hot thing now.
463
00:19:37,092 --> 00:19:38,260
(chuckles sheepishly)
464
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:40,387
My movie will probably
never be seen.
465
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:41,471
Oh, it will--
466
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,682
on select flights
by Alaska Airlines
467
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:45,559
and its regional partners.
468
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:48,145
Okay,
only its regional partners.
469
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:51,190
The point is,
you made a great movie
and you ought to be proud.
470
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,984
And now, like the best
independent films,
471
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:57,696
I must fade out
with a cool dissolve.
472
00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,907
Ow, that hurts.
473
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,202
(indistinct clamoring)
474
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,247
Hey, Nelson, say
something poor.
475
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:10,459
(laughter)
476
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,462
Oh, thank God they’re not
jeering at us anymore.
477
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:14,463
I know.
478
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:15,464
Kind of miss it.
479
00:20:15,547 --> 00:20:17,466
I know!
480
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:20,844
We’ll be in another movie, and
this time we’ll act really bad.
481
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,763
No more
Simpsons movies.
482
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:24,139
One was plenty.
483
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,350
Are you guys
still mad at me?
484
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,393
We know you love us,
honey,
485
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,355
even though sometimes
you show it in a "quirky" way.
486
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,528
I’m not going
to lie to you guys.
487
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,406
John C. Reilly would love to be
in the Chalmskinn business.
488
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,991
Well, did you read
my script?
489
00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,201
Read it?
I lived it.
490
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:45,410
I am Ghost Willie.
491
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,411
Check this out.
492
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:50,332
(caterwauling)
493
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,125
Fantastic.
494
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,252
Gre... oh, bravo.
495
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,505
You nailed it.
496
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,258
I don’t know. He, he
seems a little needy.
497
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,259
Pass.
498
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:01,343
We’ll see you on the set.
499
00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,095
Yes!
500
00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:11,937
{\an8}ANNOUNCER (whispering)
Chalmskinn.
501
00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:14,648
{\an8}Another hit.
502
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:15,524
{\an8}Skinner!
503
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,193
{\an8}Why can’t you be
a gentle clinker?
504
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:48,307
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
505
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:50,267
Shh!
506
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:55,564
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem