1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,297
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,310
(school bell ringing)
3
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(whistle blows)
4
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,573
(beeping)
5
00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:43,585
(playing the blues)
6
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(tires screeching)
7
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(horn honking)
8
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:05,565
D’oh!
9
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:06,483
(screams)
10
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,251
{\an8}(gasps)
11
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,128
{\an8}There’s a bee on Maggie.
12
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:30,632
{\an8}Okay, Maggie,
just calmly and carefully
13
00:01:30,715 --> 00:01:32,092
{\an8}back away.
14
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Beehive!
15
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(muffled screaming)
16
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(yells)
Blueberries!
17
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(whimpering)
18
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(grunting)
19
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,813
{\an8}(muffled grunting)
20
00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:47,107
{\an8}I told you not to mock me
at picnics.
21
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:48,483
{\an8}(grunts)
22
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:51,694
{\an8}Uh, attention, everyone.
23
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,155
{\an8}Uh, Luann and I
have some big news.
24
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,490
{\an8}Is it that you’re
brother and sister?
25
00:01:55,573 --> 00:01:57,158
{\an8}Because you really
look a lot alike.
26
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,451
{\an8}No.
27
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,203
-Half-brothert
and half-sister?
-No!
28
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,038
{\an8}Siamese twins who’ve been
surgically separated?
29
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,165
{\an8}No. We’re getting
remarried.
30
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:05,625
{\an8}-Oh, that’s great.
-Great.
31
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:06,709
{\an8}-Ooh, cool.
-Way to go.
32
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:07,919
{\an8}Many happy returns.
33
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:10,505
{\an8}This is so awesome.
34
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:14,509
{\an8}Finally you guys will stop using
me as a pawn in your fights.
35
00:02:14,592 --> 00:02:16,594
{\an8}Milhouse,
you’re not a pawn.
36
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:17,971
{\an8}I know, I know.
37
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:19,347
{\an8}Did your father say
you were?
38
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:20,473
{\an8}No. I swear.
39
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,599
{\an8}I made it up.
40
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{\an8}Like kids do.
41
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:24,894
{\an8}Well, now that we’re
a family again,
42
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,688
{\an8}you can stop your lying.
43
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,483
{\an8}-Hmm. Hmm.
-Homer.
44
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,443
{\an8}The wedding’s in 20 minutes.
45
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,903
{\an8}Just pick a tie.
46
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,489
{\an8}Mm. There are so many choices.
47
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,783
{\an8}Bolo? Clip-on? Piano keys?
48
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,785
Ten Commandments of Beer?
49
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:43,788
The cornerstones
of the Brewish faith.
50
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:47,208
Why don’t you wear a tie
that goes with my eyes?
51
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,961
And what color would that be?
52
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:52,213
You don’t know
what color my eyes are?!
53
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,132
{\an8}Of course I know.
54
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,592
{\an8}No peeking.
55
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{\an8}I’m waiting.
56
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,012
{\an8}Uh...
57
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,972
{\an8}You really don’t know,
do you?
58
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,765
{\an8}Is "beautiful" a color?
59
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,100
{\an8}No.
60
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,518
{\an8}Marge, give me a break.
61
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,437
{\an8}I don’t notice the color
of people’s eyes.
62
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,439
{\an8}I just judge them on the color
of their skin.
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{\an8}Fine. (grunts)
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00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:12,984
{\an8}Since the color-- Ah!--
of my eyes isn’t-- Ooh!--
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00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,819
{\an8}important to you-- Aah!--
66
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,738
{\an8}then you don’t get to-- Mmm!--
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00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,365
{\an8}see them until you--
Ow!-- remember.
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00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,075
{\an8}(groans)
69
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:23,828
("Wedding March" playing)
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00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,754
{\an8}She’s wearing white?
71
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:35,340
{\an8}She must have rolled
the odometer back to zero.
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00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,884
{\an8}(laughing)
73
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:41,012
{\an8}So you’re good
at noticing dress colors,
74
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,890
{\an8}but not the eyes
that make your dinner.
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00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,683
{\an8}(moans)
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00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:48,478
{\an8}We are gathered here
in the sight of God
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00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,939
{\an8}and this unsafe-for-swimming
beach
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00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:55,360
{\an8}to celebrate the holy
un-divorcing of Kirk and Luann.
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00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,237
Ow! What the...?
80
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Little help?
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00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,616
(grunts)
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00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:02,867
-(laughter)
-Spaz.
83
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:08,665
Do you, Kirk, take Luann
to re-have and re-hold?
84
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,958
I do.
85
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,377
And do you,
Luann, take Kirk--
86
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,963
despite the fact that he
is fundamentally the same man
87
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,381
that you said in court
88
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,925
was unfit to load
your dishwasher?
89
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:21,261
-Um...
-Whose very touch
repulsed you?
90
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,471
-Uh, your...
-Whose many annoying...
91
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:25,640
Uh, you’re reading an early
draft of our vows.
92
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:26,516
Just say "I do."
93
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:27,809
I do.
94
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:28,977
You may now kiss the bride.
95
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,436
But make it quick.
96
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,397
The seagulls have gotten
into the hors d’oeuvres.
97
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,982
(seagulls screeching)
98
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,692
My friends, do not eat.
99
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:36,985
Is made with seagull meat.
100
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:38,361
(ship horn blaring)
101
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:39,946
See you in a week,
Milhouse.
102
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:41,739
Have fun
at the Simpsons’.
103
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,616
If you don’t like
Mrs. Simpsons’ cooking,
104
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,118
you have your
"mommy meals."
105
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,953
I got ’em. Mm, mm.
106
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:50,248
Why does every kid who stays
with us bring "mommy meals"?
107
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,542
So I put pineapple
in my potato salad.
108
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,252
Live a little, huh?
109
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,296
♪♪
110
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That’s why, to this day,
111
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:03,219
you never see a shark
with monkey arms.
112
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:06,055
Great story, Mr. Simpson.
113
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,557
But why do all your
bedroom stories
114
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,434
have commercials in them
for The Container Store?
115
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:13,479
Because if I do it enough,
maybe they’ll start to pay me.
116
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Sleep tight.
117
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,568
The Container Store, now
at five convenient locations.
118
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,195
Ah... now that my mom and dad
are back together,
119
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,364
I’m happy every day.
120
00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,451
I can’t wait to wake up
so tomorrow can start.
121
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(snoring)
122
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♪ ♪
123
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,631
-(laughing)
-Whoa...
124
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,467
(laughing)
125
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:44,594
Uh-uh-uh.
126
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,888
we’re gonna start
this marriage off right.
127
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:50,308
This time, I’m gonna carry you
over the threshold.
128
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,354
(crying out)
129
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,356
(yelling)
130
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(splashing)
131
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Dear God!
132
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:00,985
I need more nickels!
133
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:07,033
Luann, is that you
nibbling on my knee?
134
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,455
Check it out,
an animal hole.
135
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:15,375
Where does it go?
136
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,542
Only one way to find out.
137
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,636
Ah...! Tarantulas!
138
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,430
I’ll save you,
Baby Burps-A-Lot.
139
00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,265
(burping repeatedly)
140
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,975
Ah...! Spider burps!
141
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,227
(yelling)
142
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:37,146
(laughing)
143
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,483
This week is the best.
144
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,985
I don’t care if my parents
ever come back.
145
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:47,073
(sad, melodramatic music plays)
146
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:55,790
(tires screech)
147
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:58,793
-(doorbell rings)
-(laughing)
148
00:06:58,876 --> 00:06:59,919
Milhouse Van Houten?
149
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,630
(laughing):
Yes?
150
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:06,300
Son, your parents
have been lost at sea.
151
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:07,468
I’m sorry.
152
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,178
Oh, my God!
153
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,764
I said I didn’t care
if they ever came back!
154
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,558
This is my fault!
155
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,893
(sobbing)
156
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,979
Drown, monster, drown!
157
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:21,023
(laughing)
158
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,608
Hey, who died?
159
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,736
My parents, probably.
160
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,698
So you guys aren’t
ice cream men?
161
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:40,168
If my parents are lost at sea,
are you gonna find ’em?
162
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:43,671
We’ll try, but have you ever
been to the sea?
163
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,214
It’s huge.
164
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,549
And we have to search
all of them--
165
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,717
’cause they all,
you know, connect.
166
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:48,885
(moans)
167
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,261
Don’t worry, boy.
168
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:51,762
They’ll find
your parents soon.
169
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,640
And until they do,
you can stay here.
170
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,268
And we’ll move your bedtime
to an hour later,
171
00:07:57,351 --> 00:08:00,354
so you’ll have more time
to be alone with your thoughts.
172
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,233
(eating noises)
173
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,696
Hey, come on.
174
00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:11,532
Why don’t you cheer up
with a glass of Ocean Spray?
175
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,451
(chuckles nervously)
176
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,119
Oh, boy-- forget that.
177
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,787
How about some...
Cap’n Crunch?
178
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,499
Uh, Seven Seas
Italian dressing?
179
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,000
Ooh! No, no!
180
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:21,834
Uh, Chicken of the Sea tuna?
181
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,461
Gaah!
182
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:26,214
Billy Ocean CD?
The History of Atlantic Records?
183
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,673
Stop naming things!
184
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,050
I want to, but I can’t!
185
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:30,176
Then go to Moe’s!
186
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:31,552
Good idea.
187
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,846
I’ll drown my sorrows
in Anchor Steam Beer.
188
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,390
(stammering):
Oh! I’m sorry...
189
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:40,811
Why don’t we do something
special for you--
190
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,647
get you all snazzed up.
191
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:45,107
Like I’m going to a funeral?
192
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,692
No! Don’t talk like that!
193
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,486
There’s always hope.
194
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:50,821
We just wanted to let you know,
we’ve stopped searching.
195
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,323
(irritated growl)
196
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,033
This’ll cheer you up.
197
00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:56,285
I’ll let you kill me in
Bar Brawl Four: Final Fracas.
198
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,745
(grunting)
199
00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,331
Take that I’ll cut ya...!
200
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:01,832
Uh-oh. I slipped
on some blood.
201
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,669
I’m totally vulnerable
to a full-body jukebox slam.
202
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,673
Oh, come on, it’s easy.
203
00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:10,424
Just push A, B, up, up,
left trigger, right trigger,
204
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,592
and both triggers at once.
205
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,261
(sighs)
206
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:16,305
Isn’t there already
enough pain in this world?
207
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,808
Let’s just pay
the check and go.
208
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:28,818
(crying softly)
209
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:35,866
Thanks, Mags.
210
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:37,952
I could use a pick-me-up.
211
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,961
Oh, my God.
212
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:49,714
I’ve become
the world’s oldest baby.
213
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:52,550
Men don’t get
their moo-moo from a ba-ba.
214
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,430
They get their moo-moo
from a big-boy cup!
215
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:01,934
I can’t be a baby anymore.
216
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,853
I’m alone now.
217
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,813
I have to be a man!
218
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,815
Thanks, Mags.
219
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,324
HOMER:
Where is it?
220
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,199
(frustrated grunt)
221
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,870
I gotta find out
what color Marge’s eyes are.
222
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,456
Ah... Cha-ching!
223
00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,124
(grunting)
224
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,208
Oh!
225
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,296
Oh, Marge, darling,
what’s the combination
226
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:32,131
to our wedding album?
227
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:33,841
MARGE:
Our anniversary!
228
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:36,886
D’oh!
229
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,723
All right, Dragon’s Eye,
230
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,768
may your path be true
and your caroms many.
231
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:44,727
Just shoot!
232
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,356
SHERRI: Uh-oh,
it’s rolling towards that loner!
233
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,482
Who is it?
234
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,904
(impressed gasps)
235
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,155
It’s Milhouse!
236
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:58,699
That’s not
the Milhouse I know.
237
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,160
Haw-Haw!
You know Milhouse.
238
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,745
Okay, everyone.
239
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,163
My best friend
is a little messed up,
240
00:11:04,246 --> 00:11:06,165
so everyone be
extra nice to him.
241
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,210
Hey, loser,
your mom called.
242
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:11,295
She said "Glub, glub."
243
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,089
(gasping)
244
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:17,176
One day, you’ll be more haunted
by those words than I am.
245
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:19,095
Why aren’t you crying?
246
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,138
I wish I could cry.
247
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,349
Tears would cleanse my soul.
248
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,934
Oh, Milhouse!
249
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,435
(giggles)
250
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,437
You’re very brave.
251
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,815
Go ahead, beat me up.
252
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,900
Maybe then
I’ll feel something.
253
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,443
(impressed exclaiming)
254
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,405
(menacing music plays)
255
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:43,703
Eh, what’s the point?
256
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,914
Milhouse, that was the bravest
thing I’ve ever seen.
257
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,375
I always wanted you
to hold my hand, Lisa.
258
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:52,962
And now that you are,
I’m too numb to feel anything.
259
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,547
It’s like you’re wearing
oven mitts
260
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,465
and I’m in my
winter parka.
261
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,343
(swooningly):
That’s so poetic.
262
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:03,180
Looks like you’re not the
coolest kid in school anymore.
263
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,016
Hey, I’m happy to see Milhouse
get some hand-on-hand action.
264
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,395
But no one is cooler than
Bartholomew J. Simpson.
265
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,896
Really?
266
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,773
(ominously):
See ya at lunch.
267
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:17,027
Anyone want
to sit over here?
268
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,363
You can have my pizza crust.
269
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,741
Young man, you look like
you enjoy fun and excitement.
270
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:25,161
Please, Bart, you’re
embarrassing yourself.
271
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:29,498
(tires screech)
272
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,754
Milhouse, call me
if you need to talk.
273
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:38,007
If you want
to come to my place,
274
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,342
I’ve got a squirrel
in a shoebox.
275
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,802
I’m just sayin’...
276
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:45,139
Thanks, but I want to take
a walk alone...
277
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,640
BOYS: Whoa!
278
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:48,392
...and work some stuff out.
279
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:49,518
(girls swooning)
280
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:54,023
Come on!
Look at me, I’m cool.
281
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:56,484
I’ve got my backpack
on frontwards,
282
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:57,485
and I’m krumping!
283
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,820
(grunting)
284
00:13:01,989 --> 00:13:02,948
Check it out!
285
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,742
This image has not been sped up.
286
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:10,080
There’s a time for krumping,
and this isn’t it.
287
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,166
(tires screech)
288
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:19,256
I’ll krump with you,
sweetie pie.
289
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,884
(grunting)
290
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,024
Oh, my God.
291
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,067
Look at these poll numbers.
292
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:41,362
Ay, caramba!
293
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:42,947
Oh, man.
294
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:46,242
Milhouse has gone from being
a comic figure to a tragic one.
295
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,785
If he could go back
to being happy,
296
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:48,953
I could go back to being cool.
297
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,204
(knocking)
298
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,122
HOMER: Boy,
stop talking to yourself.
299
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,707
Your thoughts should stay
in your head.
300
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,751
Heh, heh, I sure told him.
301
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,629
Now what am I going
to do about Marge?
302
00:13:58,712 --> 00:13:59,964
Let’s see.
303
00:14:00,047 --> 00:14:01,507
Milhouse would be happy again
304
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:03,801
if he had family
to take care of him.
305
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,303
Family, family.
306
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,180
Every Christmas...
307
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,933
Milhouse gets
Danish butter cookies from...
308
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,227
Solvang, California...
309
00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:16,438
where he has a beloved un...
310
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:17,356
cle!
311
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,694
Directory assistance
for Solvang,
312
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:25,239
a little bit of Denmark
on California’s central coast.
313
00:14:25,322 --> 00:14:27,032
We have three Van Houtens.
314
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:29,618
Fine, I’ll call
three numbers.
315
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,536
What are they?
316
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:33,080
Butter cookie 8-2147,
317
00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,583
Hans Christian Anderson
5-5166,
318
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,002
and Aquavit 3-2599.
319
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,594
(wheels squeal)
320
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,225
Okay, so which one
of these losers
321
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,894
is Milhouse’s Uncle Norbert?
322
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,021
Norbert? Norbert?
323
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,814
Oh, this guy’s
a total Norbert.
324
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,149
Norbert? I wish.
325
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,735
My name is
Gaylord Q. Tinkledink.
326
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:03,736
(Tinkledink humming)
327
00:15:05,446 --> 00:15:08,073
♪♪
328
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,075
(man laughing)
329
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,076
Oh, yeah.
330
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,870
(wheels screeching)
331
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:17,166
Bart, I’m Norbert Van Houten,
but everyone calls me Zack.
332
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,876
You’re Uncle Norbert?
333
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,961
Well, I’m one
of the Danish Van Houtens,
334
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,756
not the Dutch Van Houtens.
335
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,759
Now, my nephew Milhouse needs me
and I’m here for him.
336
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:30,512
And I’m here to find my nephew
Nerdletaub Z. Pantybottom.
337
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,890
(laughing nervously):
Let us join forces.
338
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:34,266
-(grunts)
-Ow!
339
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,435
(gasping):
Would you be my uncle?
340
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,562
No, but have a butter cookie.
341
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,196
(sighs)
342
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,782
Milhouse, there’s someone
who wants to see you.
343
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,535
Uncle Zack?
344
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:57,039
Milhouse, your parents may be
gone, but I’m here for you now.
345
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:59,917
Well, I don’t need you.
346
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,044
I’ve learned
to take care of myself.
347
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,295
I see.
348
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,922
You’ve become
quite a young man--
349
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,674
self-reliant, mature.
350
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,885
You’ve shed your Dutch ways
and become a true Dane.
351
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,262
But, uh, perhaps
you’re not too cool
352
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,807
to give your uncle a hug?
353
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:20,604
I promise you won’t be
alone anymore, son.
354
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,069
And that takes care of that.
355
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,197
(girls sobbing)
356
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,282
Oh, man, now he’s
even more popular.
357
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,077
He’s troubled,
but I can save him.
358
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,204
Oh, for crying out loud.
359
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,793
Oh, I’ll never remember
what color Marge’s eyes are.
360
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:45,921
Uh... brown? No.
361
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,297
Orange? No.
362
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,298
Elm?
363
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:49,299
Rake?
364
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,300
Guessing?
365
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:51,301
(moans sadly)
366
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,803
(laughs)
367
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:57,266
Well, well, look who’s strolling
down Alzheimer Avenue.
368
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,893
You used to know everything
about that wife of yours,
369
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,520
even wrote
a song about her.
370
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:02,521
A song?
371
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:03,772
(gasps)
372
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:07,151
Wait, it’s coming
back to me.
373
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,777
(guitar strumming)
374
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,531
♪ The girl I love’s got
beautiful hair ♪
375
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,993
♪ A blue bouffant ♪
376
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:18,954
♪ From here to there ♪
377
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,873
♪ Snow white teeth
and lips so red ♪
378
00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,166
♪ She’s the Wilma
to my Fred ♪
379
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,006
♪ Oh, the girl I love’s
got beautiful... ♪
380
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,674
(gasping): ♪ Eyes ♪
381
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:34,636
♪ When happy, they sparkle,
when sad, they cries ♪
382
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,680
♪ Those eyes are gems
beyond appraisal ♪
383
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,348
♪ Stunning shade of purest... ♪
384
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,725
Oh, what is it?
385
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,518
I was so close.
386
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:42,978
Let’s see, what rhymes
with appraisal?
387
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,022
Basil, nasal.
388
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,024
None of these are colors.
389
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,233
Oh, it’s hopeless.
390
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,527
She’ll never love me again.
391
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,071
Oh, Homie.
392
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:56,283
I’d forgotten that beautiful
song you wrote for me.
393
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:00,579
Hazel!
394
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,123
Your eyes are hazel.
395
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:05,375
Hazel like
the pussy willows
396
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,669
by the pond
where we first kissed,
397
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,963
like the almond paste
in the bear claw I ate
398
00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:12,091
after we first made love.
399
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,426
(guitar strumming)
400
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,813
Milhouse,
that was a perfect landing.
401
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:27,940
Oh, did you remember
to cut off the gas flow?
402
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,775
The what?
403
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,653
(both laughing)
404
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:34,696
ZACK: Oh, yeah.
405
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:36,615
Lis, I don’t get it.
406
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,201
Why does Milhouse’s happiness
make me sad?
407
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,953
Bart, Bart, Bart.
408
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,955
You’re worried
you’re losing Milhouse,
409
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:45,165
and love
is a selfish thing.
410
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,542
Shut up!
I don’t love Milhouse.
411
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, really?
412
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,462
The more you deny it,
the more I know it’s true.
413
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,006
Oh, yeah? Well, when you’re
mean, I’m a trampoline,
414
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:55,008
so everything you said goes back
and hits your ugly head.
415
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,969
(laughs)
416
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,971
God, that was lame.
417
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,430
Where did you get that?
418
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:02,474
(sobbing):
From Milhouse!
419
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,893
Oh, I love him so much!
420
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,728
Aw, it’s okay.
421
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,149
PRINCIPAL SKINNER: Students,
I’m afraid I have some bad news.
422
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,526
The coolest student in school,
Milhouse Van Houten,
423
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:13,527
is leaving us.
424
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:14,987
(all gasp)
425
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,865
He and his uncle,
who is also very cool,
426
00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:21,952
will be returning to Solvang
forever via hot air balloon.
427
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:24,705
Our trip will be fraught
with hardship and peril,
428
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,374
but it still beats third-period
gym with Mr. Johnson.
429
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:28,917
(all laughing)
430
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,962
Hey, in the real world,
rope-climbing skills are vital.
431
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:34,256
Goodbye, old life.
432
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,427
Wait, Milhouse!
433
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,720
Don’t go!
434
00:19:39,803 --> 00:19:41,096
You’re my best friend.
435
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,389
I have to go.
436
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,183
Well, then I’m going with you.
437
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:46,977
Bart, climb up.
438
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,437
I... can’t.
439
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,022
Well, what do you think
440
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,274
of Mr. Johnson’s rope-
climbing class now?
441
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:53,650
BART: Still sucks!
442
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:54,776
Aw, come on.
443
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:05,787
So who’s up for a trip
around the world?
444
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,706
MILHOUSE & BART:
I am! I am!
445
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,298
If we can catch
the trade winds,
446
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,718
we’ll be in the Florida Keys
by tomorrow morning.
447
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:25,766
I can’t wait
to see our little...
448
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:26,767
(gasps)
449
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,560
Milhouse!
450
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,978
Mom and Dad!
451
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,355
Mr. and Mrs. Van Houten!
452
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:32,272
Damned Dutchmen!
453
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:40,906
I’m so glad you’re alive!
454
00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:43,617
I’ll never have to be
self-reliant again.
455
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,118
Not so fast, son.
456
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:47,162
We are trapped on this island.
457
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,665
No worries. I’ve already
radioed for a rescue boat
458
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:51,833
sailed by brave Danish sailors.
459
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,419
More like
swishy Danish sailors.
460
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,255
You’re going down,
Dutchman.
461
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,923
(Zack and Kirk grunting)
462
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:00,008
You grapple
like a girl!
463
00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:04,972
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
464
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,891
Shh!
465
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,812
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem