1
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:06,297
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,727
{\an8}(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:24,983
(whistle blows)
4
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,281
(beeping)
5
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:43,626
(saxophone solo)
6
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,753
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:47,714
D’oh!
8
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,925
(screaming)
9
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,428
{\an8}(gasps)
10
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:07,567
{\an8}(Marge humming)
11
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,277
{\an8}Wow, Bart!
12
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,529
{\an8}Lookin’ good!
(chuckles)
13
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,490
{\an8}Well, I have to look good
for tomorrow.
14
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:14,574
{\an8}Right...
15
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,159
{\an8}tomorrow.
16
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,578
{\an8}Homer, you do know
what tomorrow is.
17
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,080
{\an8}Think. Think.
18
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:21,581
{\an8}I’m not thinking. You think.
19
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,374
{\an8}You have to think,
it’s your job!
20
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,876
{\an8}(mocking):
You have to think,
it’s your job.
21
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,753
{\an8}Why you little...
22
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,755
{\an8}(grunting)
23
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,381
{\an8}Homer!
24
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:31,966
{\an8}Lisa is receiving
25
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,552
{\an8}the Student of the Millennium
Award at school.
26
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,096
{\an8}To be fair,
27
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,263
{\an8}the millennium
just started,
28
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,182
{\an8}so it’s not
that big a deal.
29
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:41,184
{\an8}But they’re giving it to me.
30
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,602
{\an8}(giggles)
31
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:44,104
{\an8}You have
to be there.
32
00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:45,855
{\an8}You miss way too many
precious moments
33
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,649
{\an8}in the childrens’ lives.
34
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,526
{\an8}What?! Name 12.
35
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:50,860
{\an8}Well,
just this week,
36
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:51,986
there’s been
field day,
37
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,279
picking me up
from the airport...
38
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,031
And the Father-
Daughter Dance.
39
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,077
Lisa, if you like,
I’m certified
40
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,037
to conduct a mock
father/daughter conversation.
41
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,831
Just dance.
42
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,542
Homer, you cannot miss
Lisa’s big day.
43
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,085
And you have
to come sober!
44
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:08,962
American sober or Irish sober?
45
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:10,505
Point zero eight sober.
46
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:11,923
Point one five.
47
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,174
Point zero nine.
48
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:15,593
{\an8}Point one zero with a stomach
full of bread.
49
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:16,761
{\an8}My final offer.
50
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:18,138
(grunts) Deal.
51
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,102
{\an8}Goodnight, sweetheart.
52
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,773
-(ringing)
-(moans)
53
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,401
Can’t be late
for Lisa’s big day.
54
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:49,043
(hums)
55
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:52,297
{\an8}I’m gonna make it.
56
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,965
{\an8}I’ll be on time
for Lisa’s thing.
57
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,759
{\an8}Ooh, an awesome accident.
58
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,344
Easy, easy...
59
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,763
I’ll just take three seconds
to gawk.
60
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,807
Aw, everyone’s okay.
61
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,517
(tires squealing)
62
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,102
Gonna make it.
Gonna make it.
63
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,812
{\an8}Whoo-hoo!
64
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,148
(grunts)
65
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:14,652
{\an8}An hour and 54 minutes to spare.
66
00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:18,031
{\an8}With my free time I can finally
work on my Superman novel.
67
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:20,241
{\an8}"’Make way for Superman,’
68
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:23,953
{\an8}said Superman as he punched
everyone at the Coffee Bean.
69
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,121
{\an8}Chapter Two..."
70
00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:30,293
Oh, man,
71
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,170
they just keep kicking off
awards season
72
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,796
{\an8}earlier and earlier.
73
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,757
{\an8}Yeah, the whole thing
is just a scam
74
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,635
to sell ad space
in the school paper.
75
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,346
{\an8}JIMBO: That’s the place
that did both my Grandmas.
76
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:43,348
{\an8}DOLPH: I did
both your grandmas.
77
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:44,849
{\an8}Shut up!
78
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,267
{\an8}KEARNEY: Shall we look
at the next one?
79
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:47,477
Willie.
80
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,686
He’ll buy beer for you,
81
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,355
but he’ll make you
drink it with him.
82
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,940
(boys chuckling)
83
00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:55,276
(meowing)
84
00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,948
Darn these long bank lines.
85
00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:02,700
{\an8}Although it does give me
a moment with my thoughts.
86
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,202
{\an8}Ooh...
87
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:07,288
{\an8}(grunts)
Darn these long bank lines.
88
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:10,208
{\an8}(frustrated grunting)
89
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:13,378
{\an8}(continues grunting)
90
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:15,213
{\an8}That old man over there
91
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,257
{\an8}isn’t even making
a transaction.
92
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,675
{\an8}He just wants
someone to talk to.
93
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,427
{\an8}Before this was
the Bank of Springfield,
94
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,596
{\an8}this was the Midwest
Savings and Loan.
95
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,724
{\an8}And before that,
it was an abandoned theater.
96
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,310
{\an8}And before that,
it was a theater.
97
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,604
{\an8}Where’s Dr. Kevorkian
when you need him?
98
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,607
{\an8}Well, if I know doctors,
he’s probably golfing.
99
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,567
(both chuckle)
100
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,403
Excuse me
for a moment.
101
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,030
Everyone down
on the floor, now!
102
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,031
(gunshot, glass breaks)
103
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:43,574
(grunting)
104
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,118
This is a robbery!
105
00:04:45,201 --> 00:04:46,869
Uh, not a separate
robbery--
106
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,079
we’re together.
107
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,622
You mean
like a couple?
108
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,207
-No!
-Yes!
109
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,583
Oh, great.
110
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,795
We’re being robbed
by Johnny and Clyde!
111
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:58,298
(patrons laughing)
112
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,216
(cries out)
113
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,218
Stay away
from that button!
114
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,428
(alarm ringing)
115
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,429
Damn it!
116
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:07,932
(Skinner clearing throat)
117
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,600
Hm...
118
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:13,771
Well, Marge,
who’s the unfit parent now?
119
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,189
(chuckles)
120
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,941
You know, a principal’s dream
121
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:20,570
would be to have a school
with nothing but Lisa Simpsons.
122
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,989
Unfortunately,
the rest of you exist.
123
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,741
From her grade-grubbing
to her apple polishing...
124
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,785
(phone ringing)
125
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,664
ROBBER:
She’s got a cell phone!
126
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,749
We didn’t plan for this, man.
127
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:35,835
We didn’t plan for this.
128
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:38,629
Ol’ Gil’s here for his first day
as security guard.
129
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,340
Oh, boy...
(gunshots)
130
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:43,301
(screaming, glass breaking)
131
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,219
Oh, no.
Now it’s murder, man.
132
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:46,220
It’s murder.
133
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,514
(screams)
134
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,308
Uh, Chief,
135
00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,393
looks like we got
a 64-G in progress.
136
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:56,230
Armed robbery with a gun.
137
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,318
(groans)
138
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:03,237
Come on, Chief, you know this.
139
00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:05,573
Oh, a shooty-stealy.
140
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,871
And now the reason
we’re all here today...
141
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,414
Lisa Simpson!
142
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:17,418
(cell phone playing)
143
00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:20,963
Oh, hello, Marge.
144
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,549
I’m at the most important event
of our daughter’s life,
145
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,593
and you’re totally late.
146
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,553
Am I disappointed? Yes.
147
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,555
Am I surprised? No.
148
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:30,598
(whispering):
Homer.
149
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:33,518
I’m a hostage
in a bank robbery.
150
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:36,187
What?! Oh, my God,
my sweet Margie!
151
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,189
Okay, listen very carefully.
152
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:40,191
Don’t do anything they say,
153
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,902
remain panicky, and above all,
try to be a hero.
154
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,445
Homer, I have to go.
155
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,073
If I don’t make it,
feel free to remarry--
156
00:06:47,156 --> 00:06:49,909
from anyone on the list in the
bulletin board in the closet.
157
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:54,455
(sobbing)
158
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,457
Goodbye, my love!
159
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,047
Okay, this isn’t the way
I planned it,
160
00:07:03,131 --> 00:07:04,424
but you can make it
out alive
161
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,758
as long as there’s
no funny stuff.
162
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,051
Don’t worry about me.
163
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:09,846
I was voted America’s
least funny clown.
164
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,598
Worse than Scuzzo, Scummo,
Oopsie, Carlos Mencia,
165
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,058
Stinko, Blumpy.
166
00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:15,893
Even worse Sergeant Serious!
167
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,186
How could I do worse than him?!
168
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,855
I stole all his jokes!
169
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,400
(Homer panting)
170
00:07:22,483 --> 00:07:24,068
Chief, you gotta
do something--
171
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,070
my current wife
is in there!
172
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,530
Maybe you should
take over,
173
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:28,865
’cause I got no
stake in this.
174
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,199
This isn’t even my bank.
175
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,951
I’m over at First Federal.
176
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:33,327
(moans)
177
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,499
-(explosion)
-Oh! Dye pack!
178
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,543
Man, that stings.
179
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,378
-(explosion)
-Oh. Damn it!
180
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,213
What are you looking at, huh?
181
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,048
(explosion, screams)
182
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,885
Oh! Is anyone else a dye pack?
183
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,095
Tell me now,
and I won’t shoot you.
184
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,097
I... Ooh!
185
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,974
You said diabetic, right?
186
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,434
(sighs)
187
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:02,440
Finally, the help we need--
a DVD of The Negotiator.
188
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,902
Hmm, hmm.
189
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:07,695
Which chapter
should we skip to?
190
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:10,156
"Meet Danny Roman,"
"Trouble Brewing,"
191
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,450
"Off the Case,"
"My Baby’s in There,"
192
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:14,785
"Enter Niebaum,"
"Take the Shot,"
193
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,663
"Sabian’s Choice,"
"Check and Mate,"
194
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,541
"Friends At Last,"
"Closing Credits"?
195
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,210
Oh, man, oh, man.
196
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:24,128
What the hell’s
taking them so long?
197
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,379
They must be getting ready
to kill me!
198
00:08:25,463 --> 00:08:26,714
It’s no fair.
199
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,049
I shouldn’t die.
200
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,092
I just came here
to check the date!
201
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,887
(sobbing)
202
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,180
(clears throat)
203
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,766
Dwight, use your noodle.
204
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,559
If you surrender now,
205
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,811
you’re only looking at
a few years in jail.
206
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,688
I’ll tell them
you’re a good guy.
207
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,941
Marge, I can’t
go back to prison.
208
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:47,318
I’ve got no wife,
I’ve got no family.
209
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,320
I’ve got nothing!
210
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,366
(guns cocking)
211
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,619
If I give myself up,
212
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,371
will you come visit me
in the joint?
213
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:06,837
Hey, if I can say yes
to Chinese toys that kill kids,
214
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:09,131
you can say yes to him.
215
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,717
Okay, I’ll visit you, Dwight.
216
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:21,686
(Marge groans)
217
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:25,022
Oh, Marge, I was afraid
I was going to lose you!
218
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,232
(sobs)
219
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,900
Now let me help you
220
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:30,653
make your slow transition
back to society.
221
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,155
I just want
to go home.
222
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,117
You have a new home
now with us.
223
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,285
(Marge groans)
224
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,579
See ya soon, Marge.
Real soon!
225
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:40,955
Just like you promised!
226
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:42,790
(maniacal laughter)
227
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:45,710
(chuckles nervously)
Hmm.
228
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,595
Sweetheart,
what’s wrong?
229
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,430
I promised
that bank robber
230
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,056
that I’d visit him
in jail,
231
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,641
but I just
can’t do it.
232
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:01,934
You don’t owe him anything.
233
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,853
Moe was in the hospital
for three weeks,
234
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,438
and I didn’t visit him once.
235
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,648
You said you visited him
every night.
236
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,109
Moe the tavern,
not Moe the person.
237
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:12,570
Well, promises
mean more to me.
238
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,074
Okay, you gave your word.
239
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:19,452
You’re going to visit him,
no excuses.
240
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:23,497
Ooh! Shlomo’s Judaica
is having a blowout on dreidels.
241
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,499
(tires squealing)
242
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,211
All right, this time I’m going.
243
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,048
I’m really going
to visit a bank robber.
244
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,175
A man who held a gun on me.
245
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:36,093
Going to see him in prison,
246
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:39,930
where guards will frisk me,
paw through my purse, and...
247
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,683
Ooh, there’s apple picking
just up the road!
248
00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,689
I’m getting
a visitor today.
249
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,399
I’m so nervous
it feels like
250
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,026
I keistered
a bunch of butterflies.
251
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,153
Dude, I highly doubt
you’re getting a visitor.
252
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:55,446
People don’t like you.
253
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:57,448
You come off needy and bug-eyed.
254
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,658
You’re wrong.
255
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,743
Marge is coming. She is.
256
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,662
Easy, bro. It’s not like
she’s your mother.
257
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,121
I wish she was.
258
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,666
My real mother abandoned me
in an amusement park.
259
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,959
All I have left is a caricature
from that day.
260
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,379
Ooh. That is harsh.
261
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:16,676
Hey, baby.
262
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:17,802
Listen carefully.
263
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:20,721
Someone’s been editing
my biography on Wikipedia.
264
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:21,639
I want you to kill him.
265
00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:22,973
No problem, sweetie.
266
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:26,102
I’ll dump his body in the same
lake as your lousy lawyer.
267
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,688
(gasps): Then when you get out,
we can have a picnic there!
268
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,649
Aw, that’s so sweet.
269
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,736
Anyone for me?
270
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:43,327
I really shouldn’t show up
without an apple pie for Dwight.
271
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,247
In fact, I really shouldn’t
show up without an apple pie
272
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,249
for everyone at the prison.
273
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:49,875
Oh, my, it’s 5:00.
274
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,711
I missed visiting hours.
275
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,509
Perfect!
276
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,261
Look, Lisa.
277
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,805
I put new filaments in all our
burned-out lightbulbs.
278
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,140
Your father,
the millionaire,
279
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,350
thought we should
throw these away.
280
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,394
Mom, I think there’s something
you’re trying to avoid.
281
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,937
Or someone.
282
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,188
(laughs)
283
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,607
Don’t be silly, Lisa.
In fact...
284
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,401
(phone ringing, Marge screams)
285
00:12:15,484 --> 00:12:18,696
(grunts)
286
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:21,449
(grinding,
phone continues ringing)
287
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,913
(phone continues ringing)
288
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,292
Damn these sturdy,
foreign-built phones.
289
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,586
(phone ringing)
290
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,129
Hello. Hello?
291
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,922
MARGE: Hello?
292
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,924
-(phone rings)
-Marge?
293
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,469
Hello, this is Ted Nugent,
the Motor City Madman,
294
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:44,138
urging you to vote no
on Proposition 87.
295
00:12:44,221 --> 00:12:46,766
If we outlaw crossbows
in our public schools,
296
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,351
who’s gonna protect our childre
from charging elk?
297
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,936
Thank you for your time,
and as always...
298
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,438
(loudly):
I say Wango!
299
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,648
I say Tango!
300
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,905
MAN: (on TV): We now return
to A Kiss Before Frying.
301
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,867
(Irish accent):
It’s almost midnight.
302
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,410
They’ll be coming soon,
Johnny.
303
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,454
Coming to take you
to the electric chair.
304
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:09,872
(gasps)
305
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:11,457
I ain’t afraid
of old sparky,
306
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,167
the hot seat,
the kilowatt couch,
307
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,294
the death davenport,
the electric lap,
308
00:13:15,377 --> 00:13:17,129
the crook cooker,
the scorch stool!
309
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,464
I ain’t afraid, see?
310
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:19,924
No, Johnny, I don’t see.
311
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,759
You’re going straight to hell,
you know.
312
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:23,594
I ain’t afraid,
’cause my sainted Ma
313
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,429
is comin’ to visit before I go.
314
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,264
And when I sit down
on the jolt throne,
315
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,683
I’ll be lookin’
into Ma’s sweet face
316
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,519
as my tongue explodes
in my mouth
317
00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,479
and the goo boils in my eyes.
318
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:36,524
Oh, poor Johnny Stabbo.
319
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,318
(thunder crashing loudly)
320
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,953
(thunder crashing loudly)
321
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,164
(coughing)
322
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,926
Damn it!
323
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:05,052
(sobbing)
324
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:17,064
Ma! Ma! Where are you, Ma?
325
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,816
Don’t give up hope, Johnny!
326
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,442
Give up hope, Johnny.
327
00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:21,360
Your Ma ain’t coming.
328
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,114
Now, if I may do the honors.
329
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,076
Ma. Ma. Ma...!
330
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:31,412
(electrical crackling)
(screaming)
331
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:34,874
(prolonged):
Ma...!
332
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:36,834
(crackling stops)
333
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,461
-Ma...!
-(electrical crackling)
334
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,052
(thunder crashing loudly)
335
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:51,056
(maniacal laughter)
336
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,649
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show ♪
337
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,613
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
338
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,577
You’re out.
339
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,203
ITCHY:
Psst, psst!
340
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,628
(cash register rings)
341
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,392
(camera shutters clicking)
342
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,521
You’re disgracing
America’s pastime.
343
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,690
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
344
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:42,608
What the...?
345
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,490
(rapid gunfire)
346
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:50,574
(screaming)
347
00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:04,004
(screams)
348
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,887
("Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing)
349
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,556
(camera shutters clicking)
350
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,767
{\an8}We interrupt this Annie
Award-winning cartoon
351
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,185
{\an8}for an important bulletin.
352
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:20,270
Convicted bank robber
Dwight David Diddlehopper
353
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,731
has escaped from
Springfield Penitentiary.
354
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,901
{\an8}The escapee left a note saying
he will turn himself in
355
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,904
{\an8}after he takes care of one
unfinished piece of business.
356
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,990
{\an8}The police have issued
a statement saying,
357
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:31,991
{\an8}"That seems more than fair."
358
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,450
(gasps)
359
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,327
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
360
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:39,832
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
361
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,751
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
362
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:48,632
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
363
00:16:48,716 --> 00:16:51,468
♪ Who can it be
knocking at my door? ♪
364
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,430
♪ Make no sound ♪
365
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,682
♪ Tiptoe across the floor ♪
366
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,600
♪ If he hears,
he’ll knock all... ♪
367
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,269
(music stops)
Oh, hey, oh.
368
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,438
Oh, wait, this ain’t
where I go to vote.
369
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,023
(chuckles nervously)
370
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,363
Hello, Marge.
371
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:14,033
(groans)
372
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:15,367
Man, these cars
look all alike.
373
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,413
Now drive!
374
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,250
Dwight!
375
00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:24,626
(chuckles nervously)
376
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,920
I-I was just on my way
to see you in prison.
377
00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:28,630
Really, Marge?
378
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,425
-Look me in the eyes
and say that.
-Okay.
379
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,180
They’re so buggy, I can’t.
380
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,935
Dwight, please,
don’t do anything crazy.
381
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,896
-Just pull over there.
-Huh?
382
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:49,693
Um, what are we
doing here?
383
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,362
This is where my mom
abandoned me.
384
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:54,907
Oh, that’s so sad.
385
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:55,991
Ya think?
386
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,664
Marge, can you please give me
the day my mother didn’t?
387
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:04,750
Ride some rides,
eat some cotton candy.
388
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,043
Then I’ll let you go home.
389
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,504
Okay, but I’d feel
better about it
390
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:10,297
if you got rid
of the gun.
391
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,382
I’d like to, but then
you’ll leave like she did.
392
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:14,676
Can you at least
put it in your jacket?
393
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,262
Fine, but I’m still gonna
make that pointy shape.
394
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:22,434
Krusty.
395
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,020
I haven’t see you since
that terrifying day.
396
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:28,565
Uh, you’ll have to be
way more specific.
397
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:29,900
We were hostages
at the bank.
398
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:31,819
Oh, yeah.
399
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,737
Sorry I offered your
life for my safety.
400
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,531
(laughs)
401
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,032
Look, it’s Marge!
402
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,575
With Dwight!
403
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,702
I said there was
a spark between them,
404
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,788
and you said, "No way."
405
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:46,041
I saw it, I just didn’t
feel like talking to you.
406
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,377
Wait, something’s
screwy here.
407
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,878
I’m calling the cops.
408
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,214
Don’t bother, they’re
right over there.
409
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,383
Easy, easy.
410
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,969
Line up your shot,
then squeeze it off.
411
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,137
(gunshot)
412
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:02,266
Uh, Chief, I think we got a
hostage situation over there.
413
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:05,185
Can’t a man spend one minute
with his stuffed monkey?
414
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,687
One minute?
415
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:08,063
(to self): Monkey would make
a better chief.
416
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,481
What did you say?
417
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,859
I said the monkey would
make a better chief!
418
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:13,152
He’s a good monkey,
all right.
419
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,570
Hm...
420
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:18,657
(gasping)
421
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,617
The Viking boats!
422
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,911
This is where I lost
my first mom.
423
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,163
MARGE: Oh...
424
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,124
Well, this mom is not
gonna say bug-eye.
425
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:29,418
I mean, goodbye.
426
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,837
Damn it!
427
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:40,762
Boy, I really feel like
a Viking in this thing.
428
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,348
I’ll show them which monkey
would make the best chief!
429
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,350
(Wiggum grunts)
430
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,102
(screams)
431
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,520
Stop the boats!
432
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,771
(snapping)
433
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:50,898
(Spanish accent):
Sorry, Mister.
434
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,316
(Wiggum groans)
435
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:53,775
Are you kidding me?!
436
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:54,818
Ow!
437
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:57,321
Dwight, do something!
438
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,198
Okay. For you, Ma.
439
00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:01,450
(Wiggum yelling)
440
00:20:01,533 --> 00:20:03,160
-(cracking)
-WIGGUM: Great.
441
00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,203
Dwight?
442
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,788
Are you okay? Dwight!
443
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:09,499
He’ll be fine.
444
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,418
Not you and me fine,
but fine.
445
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,629
Hey, leave
the comedy to me.
446
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,839
Okay, funny man,
make me laugh.
447
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:18,842
Huh. Uh-uh.
448
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:22,221
Instead of a carnival ride,
what if he was run over
449
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:24,431
by a Zamboni
with a moustache?
450
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:26,266
-I don’t see how.
-Then I got nothing.
451
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:32,231
Dwight, that was the most
unselfish thing I’ve ever seen.
452
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,441
I’m sorry I didn’t
visit you before.
453
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:35,859
HOMER: Hey, Marge.
454
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,569
Look at us,
the four amigos.
455
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:40,781
They’re gonna let me do some odd
jobs for them on the outside.
456
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:42,199
Listen, outside my cell,
457
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,617
I saw one dandelion growing.
458
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:44,785
I picked it for you.
459
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:45,994
Aw!
460
00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:47,579
Then I pressed it
in my Bible to dry.
461
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,122
Oh!
462
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:51,291
I carved a frame for it
out of a bar of soap.
463
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,585
-Aw!
-Read the inscription
on the back.
464
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,712
"You chat up the guard
at the gate,
465
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:58,423
while I knife the guard
behind me."
466
00:20:58,507 --> 00:20:59,967
I can’t do that, Dwight.
467
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,843
I figured
you’d say that.
468
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,470
But you can
keep it though.
469
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:06,515
Aw, thank you.
470
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:10,018
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
471
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,026
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem