1 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,339 {\an8}CHOIR: ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,216 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,719 D’oh! 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:11,594 (shrieks) 5 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:12,679 (tires screeching) 6 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,640 (music playing) 7 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,142 (music stops) 8 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,059 (Homer groans) 9 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,613 {\an8}("Take Me Out to the Ball Game" plays) 10 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,455 {\an8}Homer, what took you so long? 11 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,748 {\an8}The game’s almost over. 12 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,666 {\an8}I got hung up at the snack stand 13 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,836 {\an8}watching those hot dogs rolling and turning, 14 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:48,006 {\an8}not a care in the world. 15 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:50,633 {\an8}No more lazy Saturdays for you. 16 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,427 {\an8}(chomping) 17 00:00:58,975 --> 00:00:59,976 (grunts) 18 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,604 Strike two! 19 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:07,275 {\an8}By my calculations, we’re only one strike away from victory. 20 00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:08,568 Numbers are fun. 21 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:09,778 {\an8}This is it, boys. 22 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,405 {\an8}One more out and we go to the championship game. 23 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,240 {\an8}Let’s do it for Groundskeeper Willie, 24 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,576 {\an8}who made me this beautiful black bicep warmer! 25 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,536 It keeps me naughty hands busy. 26 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:21,748 (grunts) 27 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,877 I got it! I got it! 28 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,212 (groans) 29 00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:28,963 I hogged it! I hogged it! 30 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:31,049 {\an8}(trumpets playing) 31 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,050 {\an8}(crowd cheering) 32 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,135 My son caught the ball! 33 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,637 {\an8}This makes up for everything 34 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,347 {\an8}that’s gone wrong in my life 35 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:38,765 {\an8}or ever will! 36 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,226 {\an8}I’m also pleased! 37 00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:44,104 {\an8}After years of failure in everything we’ve attempted, 38 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:47,107 {\an8}we are one victory away from a championship, people. 39 00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:50,777 {\an8}And our newfound glory is all due to these wonderful boys. 40 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:51,945 {\an8}(cheering) 41 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:55,240 Behold 42 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:58,493 {\an8}my naked butt! 43 00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:00,495 {\an8}Each cheek is a god to you! 44 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,038 {\an8}FLANDERS: Now Bart, 45 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,373 {\an8}stay humble. 46 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,708 {\an8}Your baseball cap won’t fit over a swelled head. 47 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,378 {\an8}Flanders, these boys have earned the right 48 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,213 {\an8}to behave like arrogant oafs. 49 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,840 {\an8}Can we egg the crowd? 50 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,007 {\an8}In this modern-day Deadwood 51 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,175 {\an8}you can do anything. 52 00:02:14,259 --> 00:02:15,093 {\an8}BOYS: All right. 53 00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:20,098 {\an8}(laughing and cheering) 54 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,683 Smithers, I’m missing the fun! 55 00:02:21,766 --> 00:02:23,226 Upsy-daisy, sir. 56 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,979 Ah, what glorious goo! 57 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:31,025 {\an8}I need a dress to wear for my son’s big game. 58 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,736 {\an8}He’s the star, I’m his mom, and he’s my son. 59 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,530 {\an8}Mm-hmm, you’ve mentioned his name 60 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,282 {\an8}and batting average several times. 61 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:38,658 {\an8}Well, he’s done very well for someone 62 00:02:38,741 --> 00:02:40,743 {\an8}who came out blue and backwards. 63 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,246 {\an8}Listen, do you mind if I hum while you talk? 64 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,831 {\an8}Not at all! 65 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,000 {\an8}-(humming) -He single-handedly got the team 66 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,585 {\an8}-to the championship, first time ever. -(humming) 67 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:49,794 {\an8}My son caught the ball 68 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:50,837 -that won the game. -(continues humming) 69 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,046 {\an8}(sighs) 70 00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,340 {\an8}I hate shopping! 71 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:58,761 {\an8}I’m bored; my feet hurt; I’m too big for the choo-choo train. 72 00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,721 Hmm... 73 00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:03,683 where’s the "husband chair?" 74 00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:06,019 Unless you’re serving me a cold beer, 75 00:03:06,102 --> 00:03:07,228 you keep moving. 76 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,313 (moaning): Oh! 77 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:10,064 There must be another chair. 78 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,234 -(cocks gun) -Eh-eh. 79 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,028 My wife’s lookin’ for a bathing suit 80 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,738 that doesn’t make her look "horsey." 81 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,741 So, I’m gonna be here a while. 82 00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:20,658 Mm-hmm. 83 00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,578 (moaning) 84 00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:27,040 I guess I could just sit on a bed. 85 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:30,960 Wow, this is soft. 86 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,631 Sure feels weird lying on top of the covers. 87 00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:38,676 Sure feels weird lying in bed with my pants on. 88 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,678 (sighs) 89 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,681 (snoring) 90 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,017 What in the name of...? 91 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,018 Hey, you! 92 00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,436 Whoa! How many? 93 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,813 Are you sleeping in the middle of my department store? 94 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,065 Well... 95 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:53,775 who wouldn’t 96 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,944 with an incredible mattress like this? 97 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,196 It works with my body’s natural curves 98 00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,156 and supports my back-boobs. 99 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,325 That’s the best endorsement I’ve heard 100 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,535 since Mickey Mantle for Maypo! 101 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,746 I’ll take five mattresses. 102 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,373 I don’t work here. 103 00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,166 You do now, son! 104 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,710 (jowly): You’re hired! 105 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,338 Woo-hoo! 106 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,633 (cheering) 107 00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,927 All this fuss for a baseball game? 108 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:24,264 Why don’t thousands come to watch a teacher inspire a child? 109 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,723 But it did happen. 110 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,726 Just yesterday, in Crazytown! 111 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:34,357 BASEBALL ANNOUNCER: So, in the amber gloaming of this September afternoon, 112 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,859 Shelbyville has the bases loaded, 113 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,237 but the Isotots only need one out 114 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,491 to win the championship and get that pizza party at Luigi’s! 115 00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:47,328 Luigi’s, they deliver on flavor, but not to your house! 116 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,163 Damas y caballeros, 117 00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,125 if the Isotots win, please do not fire your guns in the air. 118 00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,002 The bullets will come down! 119 00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:55,586 And kill my sister. 120 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:03,928 A lazy pop fly to star shortstop Bart Simpson. 121 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,180 And this should do it! 122 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:08,349 Now for the defining moment of my life. 123 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,029 Huh? 124 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,076 (crowd gasps) 125 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,286 (clamoring) 126 00:05:30,788 --> 00:05:33,124 Simpson drops the ball! 127 00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:35,626 And he kicks it! 128 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,462 And he kicks it again! And again! 129 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,506 Oh, it’s horrible, but you can’t take your eyes away! 130 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:45,011 It’s like watching a monkey swallow a hand grenade. 131 00:05:45,094 --> 00:05:47,388 The Isotots lose the pennant! 132 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,391 The Isotots lose the pennant! 133 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,478 (crowd booing) 134 00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,860 (booing continues) 135 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,114 Bart, you choked! 136 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,116 I put on fresh makeup for this? 137 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,620 (booing) 138 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:13,539 Knock it off! 139 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,208 He’s just a kid! 140 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:17,085 Aw, hey that’s the guy what created him! 141 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,836 If Homer had used some protection, 142 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,130 we’d all be poopin’ roses on easy street! 143 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,882 Hey, get off my case! 144 00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,342 He’s the choke artist! 145 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,344 (crowd booing) 146 00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:32,183 Quick, Bart, Bart, get in! 147 00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:33,309 (sighs) 148 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,477 Thanks, Chief. 149 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,896 Don’t mention it, son. 150 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,317 He’s back! 151 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,860 Go nuts, everyone! 152 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:45,696 (crowd booing) 153 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,415 Bart’s coming down! 154 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:56,624 Hide the sports section! 155 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,338 D’oh! 156 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,343 Good morning, sweetie. 157 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,845 There’s nothing you can say. 158 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,388 After that game, my life is over. 159 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,473 Was there even a baseball game yesterday? 160 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:14,183 I don’t remember... 161 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:18,271 Marge, we were just talking about it a few seconds ago. 162 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,566 Don’t you have to get to your job as a mattress salesman? 163 00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:23,943 Oh, yeah. Let’s see where that goes. 164 00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,528 Let me tell you about a land 165 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,948 where it rains beer and hails pretzels 166 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:31,826 and you can play swim-up blackjack with Abraham Lincoln. 167 00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,454 It’s the land of sleep. 168 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,538 And your passport: 169 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,874 a simple mattress. 170 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,251 Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. 171 00:07:40,334 --> 00:07:42,587 Yes, I need to be able to sleep through my wife’s nagging 172 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,213 and my eight horrible babies 173 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,091 and the anguished howls of my ancestors. 174 00:07:47,175 --> 00:07:48,217 A common problem. 175 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,343 Try this. 176 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,263 Oh. Ooh. 177 00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:55,391 Oh, I feel like I’m floating on a river of corpses. 178 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,392 (clearing throat) 179 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,644 Homer, we have a friend-- 180 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,813 actually a friend of a friend... 181 00:08:00,897 --> 00:08:01,814 Sex problem, eh?! 182 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:02,815 Homer, please. 183 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,276 They can hear you in Fine China. 184 00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:08,446 Relax. I’m a licensed mattress professional, 185 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,781 if there were such a thing, 186 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,701 and I’ve got the answer to your problems: 187 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:16,662 The Snugulux by Matrimonium. 188 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,791 Ooh, sold. 189 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:25,046 And remember: your most intimate secrets are safe with me. 190 00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,215 (louder): Okay, who else is dead in bed? 191 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,925 BILL: You’re listening to KBBL, 192 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:31,761 your official "Bart Simpson sucks" station. 193 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:34,514 Oh-ho, and here comes another "Bash Bart Block," 194 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:37,266 starting with this entry from Jimbo, Dolph, and Kearney. 195 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,061 JIMBO/DOLPH/KEARNEY (on tape): ♪ Bart stinks ♪ 196 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,437 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 197 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,855 ♪ Bart stinks ♪ 198 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,233 ♪ Bart stinks ♪ 199 00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:46,734 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 200 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:48,319 -♪ Bart stinks... ♪ -(clicks radio off) 201 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,280 Oh, my favorite song ruined! 202 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,911 Bart, come with me. 203 00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,163 I’ll take you to someone who will make you feel better. 204 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,873 Is it my rabbit Cottontail? 205 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,250 The one who went to live upstate? 206 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:03,960 He died, Bart. 207 00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,878 Dad buried him in the backyard. 208 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,713 But not in that order. 209 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,006 (gasps) 210 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,265 Bart, meet Joe LaBoot. 211 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,475 LaBoot, LaBoot. 212 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,394 Sounds familiar. 213 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:26,023 You probably remember me from 1943 World Series. 214 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,150 With the score tied in game seven, 215 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,069 Tommy Heinrich of the Yankees hit a ball 216 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,487 in my direction. 217 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,364 Jugglin’ Joe LaBoot they called me. 218 00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:34,991 When I finally picked up the ball, 219 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,952 I threw it into the stands, hitting Eleanor Roosevelt, 220 00:09:38,035 --> 00:09:40,955 who up till then had been a great beauty. 221 00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:43,291 We lost the game and the series. 222 00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,209 (chuckles): But I bounced back. 223 00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:46,961 Got my own car dealership. 224 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:50,548 I have 17 grandchildren and a big home in Idaho. 225 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,174 It’s a great life! 226 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,634 Yeah, in Idaho. 227 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,137 And at these card shows, the fans let me know 228 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,972 that I’ve put my gaffe behind me. 229 00:09:58,055 --> 00:09:59,890 You stink, LaBoot! 230 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,560 No, I don’t! Google my stats! 231 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:05,688 Take it from me, kid, you’ll be just fine. 232 00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,064 Feel better now, Bart? 233 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,775 "Bart?!" Are you Bart Simpson? 234 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,278 The kid who dropped that easy fly ball?! 235 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,614 You stink like a Dutchman’s throw-up. 236 00:10:14,697 --> 00:10:17,033 Talking to you was the biggest error of my life! 237 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,493 (crowd booing) 238 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:20,828 Boo. Boo, indeed. 239 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:30,379 The Lovejoys?! 240 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,382 If this is about me drinking that holy water, let me tell you, 241 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,010 I had had like a million Doritos. 242 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,803 You know, the ones with the flame on the bag? 243 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,221 Oh-ho, that bag ain’t lyin’! 244 00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,848 We’re here about the mattress. 245 00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:42,933 What’s wrong with it? 246 00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,728 We tried raising Cain, but we weren’t able. 247 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,230 Oh, I think I know what you’re doing wrong. 248 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,607 Have you tried... 249 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:52,443 (loud whispering) 250 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,862 I know the mechanics of lovemaking, Homer! 251 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,530 You owe us a refund! 252 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,282 I’ll write you a check. 253 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:04,121 "Pay to the order of Stupid Reverend. 254 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:07,249 Memo: Bite my ass." 255 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,876 (moaning) 256 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,878 Wha...?! 257 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,298 Homer, I’m not a man who believes in miracles, 258 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:18,469 but this bed of yours could resurrect our sex life. 259 00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:21,430 If you let us have your mattress, we’ll give you ours. 260 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,809 On one condition: you do the shlepping. 261 00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:27,061 Well, I’ll have to check with my wife. 262 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:32,149 ♪♪ 263 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,246 HOMER: Move over just a... 264 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,622 MARGE: Ow, well, maybe if you go... 265 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,416 No, wrong, wrong, wrong! 266 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,501 I’m sorry, Homie. 267 00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:53,671 I want to snuggle, but I’m just not feeling it. 268 00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:57,591 Yeah, something has changed, but I can’t figure out what. 269 00:11:57,675 --> 00:12:00,386 (gasps): Our mattress! 270 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:02,430 I traded it to the Lovejoys! 271 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:04,098 You traded our mattress? 272 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,058 I had my secret cash in it. 273 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,768 Oh, that’s long gone, baby. 274 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,730 Long gone. 275 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,357 It was made for Elvis, but he found it tacky. 276 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:16,068 But I can’t believe a mattress 277 00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,571 could make that much difference. 278 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,698 ♪ This little light of mine ♪ 279 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,783 -♪ I’m gonna let it shine ♪ -♪ Oh, glory ♪ 280 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,035 ♪ This little light of mine ♪ 281 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:26,454 ♪ I’m gonna let it shine ♪ 282 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:29,165 ♪ Every day, every day ♪ 283 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,666 ♪ Every day ♪ 284 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,586 ♪ Yay, yay, yay! ♪ 285 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,546 (Mrs. Lovejoy giggles) 286 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,841 (mumbling): Lousy Reverend, he’s having my sex 287 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:41,260 while I’m at home with Marge 288 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:44,764 not doing anything sensual or erotic. 289 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,766 (birds singing) 290 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,317 (splatters) 291 00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,278 (gasps loudly) 292 00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,829 (muttering): A damp sponge will take care of this weak, water-based... 293 00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,039 It’s oil-based! 294 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,040 Oil-based! 295 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,291 Daddy? 296 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,460 Fetch Daddy’s thinner, boy. 297 00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,212 But it’s in the "stay away" closet. 298 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,171 You just fetch it! 299 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,351 Who would do this to Bart? 300 00:13:30,434 --> 00:13:33,938 The person who hates Bart more than anyone else. Look! 301 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,859 Oh, yeah, that’s really something. 302 00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,736 Mom, put your glasses on. 303 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,571 But they make me look dowdy. 304 00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:45,407 (gasping) 305 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,951 My baby! 306 00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:52,998 (whimpers) 307 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,500 See? I hate me, too. 308 00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:55,960 Now we can be friends again. 309 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,586 (crazy laugh) 310 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,088 Bart, stop! 311 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,714 No one’s mad at you anymore, right? 312 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:01,674 -(crowd murmuring) -Mm. 313 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,133 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 314 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,218 -You know. -CHIEF WIGGUM: Jump! 315 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,220 Who-Who said that? 316 00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:07,888 I hate Bart Simpson! 317 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,225 I got him! I got him! 318 00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:14,228 You stink, LaBoot! 319 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,145 Damn it! 320 00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:20,234 He’ll be all right. 321 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:23,153 Right now he just needs peace and quiet. 322 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:25,865 CROWD (chanting): Bart sucks! Bart sucks! 323 00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:28,284 Bart sucks! Bart sucks! 324 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,661 You should all be ashamed! 325 00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:34,123 Passing judgment on a child for a sports boo-boo! 326 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,250 What have you people ever done? 327 00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,502 Well, I wrote a best-selling series of mystery novels. 328 00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,797 Stephen King called it, "Scary, good fun." 329 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,340 Besides that. 330 00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:46,135 Now, thanks to you, 331 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,846 my special little guy will be haunted 332 00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,056 by this for the rest of his life. 333 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,225 I always thought that was just a slogan 334 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,977 to attract small businesses. 335 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,440 But now I know it’s the truth. 336 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:00,900 (crowd murmuring) 337 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,610 Okay, Midge. 338 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,070 You made us feel bad about what we done to your boy, 339 00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,614 but what can we do about it now? 340 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,532 It’s not like we can play the game over again. 341 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:10,993 Can’t we? 342 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:12,494 Like I just said, we can’t. 343 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:13,996 Are you sure? 344 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,456 Open your freakin’ ears. No! 345 00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:16,707 I think maybe we... 346 00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:18,000 ♪ Could. ♪ 347 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,585 And I say, I have difficulty 348 00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,670 ♪ Envisioning it. ♪ 349 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,006 Let me get this straight. 350 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,592 You want our boys to play a fake rematch 351 00:15:26,675 --> 00:15:29,762 against Springfield so your son can make the catch he missed 352 00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,180 and feel better about himself. 353 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,181 Exactly. 354 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,308 I guess I could, uh, if you pretend 355 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:37,061 to be my fiancée when my mother comes to visit. 356 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:38,854 Okay. If you pretend to be our chauffeur 357 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,230 at my high school reunion. 358 00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:42,691 Fine, fine, if you pretend to be a ghost 359 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,944 at an old amusement park I’m trying to buy. 360 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:46,528 -We should stop now. -Yeah. 361 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,365 You want me to reannounce a game I’ve already called? 362 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:52,242 Oh, sister, I got too much integrity. 363 00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:56,372 The same integrity Farmer Dan puts into every link sausage. 364 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:58,499 Then I guess you wouldn’t mind eating one. 365 00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,167 (sloshing) 366 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:01,543 Of course I wouldn’t. 367 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,295 It’s not like they’re made 368 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,214 of skunk tails and horse nipples. 369 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:06,215 (sighs) 370 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,383 I’ll do whatever you say! 371 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,134 Just get that death wiener away from me! 372 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,351 I’m starting to feel funny about doing this. 373 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,311 Look, we’re just going to take our mattress, 374 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,313 do a quick sweep of the medicine chest, 375 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,606 then we’re out of here. 376 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:26,986 (Homer hissing like drummer’s high hat) 377 00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:29,405 Homer, stop that. 378 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,240 Sorry. 379 00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,368 There it is-- Old Bounce an’ Giggle. 380 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,744 (chuckles) 381 00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,752 (engine revving, tires squeal) 382 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,546 You put on the Michael Bolton CD. 383 00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,172 I’ll put on my edible vestments. 384 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,216 (footsteps running) 385 00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:51,218 HELEN LOVEJOY (gasps): Oh, my God! 386 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,678 How dare you break into our house, 387 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,221 defile our bed, 388 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:55,931 and smash our family photos with your foot. 389 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,017 Well, excuse me 390 00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,394 for being a powerful yet careless lover. 391 00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:04,023 Reverend Lovejoy, our marriage needs this bed. 392 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,774 Our marriage needs it more! 393 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,110 Well, I am reminded 394 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:11,697 of the story of wise King Solomon. 395 00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:12,990 (scoffs) You would be. 396 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,994 (dings) 397 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,705 I wish he hadn’t cut it that way. 398 00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:21,874 It looks like a grilled-cheese sandwich. 399 00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:23,625 Or a chicken club. 400 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:25,669 Or a-a Reuben. 401 00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:28,964 Or a Monte Cristo, or... 402 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,924 Pull over behind that billboard! 403 00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,385 (engine revving, tires squealing) 404 00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:34,970 (moaning) 405 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,305 -Oh! -Oh, yeah! 406 00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,015 Oh! You really want to make love 407 00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:40,934 on half a mattress behind a billboard? 408 00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,520 It’s like our honeymoon all over again. 409 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,272 Oh! 410 00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:48,358 We even have the same bum looking at us. 411 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,985 I knew you kids would make it. 412 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,155 Man, you got fat. 413 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:56,784 MALE ANNOUNCER: So, it’s déjà vu all over again 414 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,995 as Springfield needs just one out to win the game 415 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,039 and the championship. 416 00:18:02,122 --> 00:18:03,415 Who’d have thunk it? 417 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,709 Probably everyone who was here the last time. 418 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,211 I still can’t believe it. 419 00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:09,880 They dusted the plate with a non-regulation brush, 420 00:18:09,963 --> 00:18:12,049 so we have to play the last inning over again. 421 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:15,260 I think this time it’ll have a happier ending. 422 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,386 Why do you think that? 423 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,305 Uh... uh... 424 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,183 Oh! They warned me not to talk to you. 425 00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,351 Who warned you? 426 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:23,477 Nobody! 427 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:24,436 (panting) 428 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,355 Oh! 429 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:27,523 (crowd cheering) 430 00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:28,524 (grunts) 431 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:35,072 Hello, redemption. 432 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,952 Bart gets another try! 433 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:43,497 Uh, the batter hit it by accident, not by design. 434 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,374 (sighs) Play ball! 435 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,670 (grunts) 436 00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,505 (all groaning) 437 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:55,717 Er, uh, that is also a do-over ’cause, um, er, uh... 438 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,261 There’s a naked idiot on the field. 439 00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,929 (grunts) 440 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,472 (crowd groaning and gasping) 441 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,099 (laughs) 442 00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,851 (humming) 443 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,770 (sighs) 444 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,523 (instrumental version of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" plays) 445 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:12,442 (squawks) 446 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,750 Woo-hoo! 447 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,210 D’oh! 448 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,171 (lights click on and hum) 449 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,425 (sighs) 450 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,552 Play ball. 451 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,056 (wind whipping) 452 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,519 I did it! 453 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:48,520 I did it! I did it! 454 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:49,771 (weak cheering and applause) 455 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,190 -Oh. Yay. -All right. 456 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,524 (Homer blows raspberry) 457 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,110 ANNOUNCER: And the 78th time is the charm! 458 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,862 Now, over the left field wall, 459 00:19:56,945 --> 00:20:01,116 the real show’s about to begin: the glorious sunrise, 460 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,076 brought to you by God, 461 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,622 the invisible giant you turn to when you’re about to die. 462 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,248 {\an8}(spaceships whirring and humming) 463 00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:09,499 {\an8}BART: Hey, Milhouse, 464 00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,001 did I ever tell you 465 00:20:11,084 --> 00:20:14,004 about the catch I made when I was ten? 466 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,798 Greatest moment of my life. 467 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,426 It was a fake, you idiot! 468 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,887 We did it to make you feel better. 469 00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:23,263 A fake? 470 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,515 Then I did suck. 471 00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:27,601 I-I... I do suck! 472 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,853 (sobbing) 473 00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:34,024 No, that was a fake just now. 474 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:36,151 You did make the catch. 475 00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,694 I knew it! 476 00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,488 I rule! 477 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,240 And you drool! 478 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:43,116 (laughs) 479 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,286 Boy, our son can be a real jerk. 480 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,455 Hey, do you want to have ghost sex? 481 00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:51,083 I keep telling you, ghost sex is nothing. 482 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:52,626 It’s worse than nothing. 483 00:20:52,709 --> 00:20:54,628 Then why were you moaning last time? 484 00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,046 Because I’m a ghost! 485 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,881 (moaning) 486 00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,132 (shrieks) A ghost! 487 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,385 (wind whipping) 488 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:06,181 {\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA 489 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:48,348 Shh! 490 00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:53,437 {\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem