1
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:06,006
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:14,305
♪♪
3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,768
(school bell rings)
4
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,314
♪♪
5
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,066
(whistle blows)
6
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(beeping)
7
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:39,247
♪♪
8
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,630
(tires skidding)
9
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,882
(clinking)
10
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,643
(horn honking)
11
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,937
(tires screeching)
12
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,273
D’oh!
13
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:06,566
(screams)
14
00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:07,817
(tires screeching)
15
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:11,404
♪♪
16
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D’oh!
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D’oh! D’oh! D’oh! D’oh!
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(pensive music playing)
19
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(screams)
20
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,922
♪♪
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(buzzing)
22
00:01:31,382 --> 00:01:32,550
(gulps)
23
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:35,595
(roaring)
24
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(shrieks)
25
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(roaring)
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♪♪
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(chittering)
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(assorted animals calling
in distance)
29
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(wind howling)
30
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,206
Hey.
31
00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:09,337
♪♪
32
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,594
What took you
so long?
33
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,054
(sighs)
34
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:32,902
MARGE/BART/LISA:
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Homer ♪
35
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:37,824
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
36
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{\an8}I don’t have
to make a wish,
37
00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:43,621
{\an8}because I already have
this wonderful family.
38
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:45,248
I wish for infinity hamburgers.
39
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,249
(inhales deeply)
40
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:49,752
{\an8}Huh?
41
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,715
{\an8}(blowing and spitting)
42
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:56,342
{\an8}(chuckling):
Oh, I get it.
43
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,888
{\an8}These are those trick candles
you can’t blow out.
44
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,181
No, Dad,
45
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,348
they’re the
opposite.
46
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"E-Z BLO."
47
00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:04,517
(gasps)
48
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,477
{\an8}This ends now.
49
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{\an8}(inhaling deeply)
50
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{\an8}(wheezes)
51
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{\an8}(wheezing)
52
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,030
{\an8}It’s okay, Homie.
53
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,531
{\an8}You’re probably
just tired
54
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,742
{\an8}from not doing
anything all day.
55
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,076
{\an8}(panting):
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
56
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,246
{\an8}Dad, you’re out of shape
even for an American.
57
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,624
I’ll just focus
on one area.
58
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:32,086
{\an8}(loud blowing)
59
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,259
{\an8}(breath running out)
60
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,512
{\an8}How many did I get?
61
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:44,098
{\an8}None? That’s cool.
62
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:46,476
{\an8}(wheezing)
63
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:53,066
(wheezing)
64
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,817
(moaning)
65
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,780
(beeping)
66
00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,076
{\an8}You know how many
fires are started
67
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,285
{\an8}by birthday candles?
68
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:05,787
{\an8}If you do, tell me.
69
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:06,663
{\an8}It would settle a bet down
at the station house.
70
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,665
{\an8}I say five, Gus
says a million.
71
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,124
(sighs)
72
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:13,294
{\an8}This disasterette was
a real wake-up call.
73
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:16,631
{\an8}We need to find a way to protect
our irreplaceables.
74
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:18,591
{\an8}You could buy
a fireproof safe.
75
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:19,926
{\an8}Or we could
just resolve
76
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:22,011
{\an8}to be more careful
with our open flames.
77
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,222
{\an8}Sir, we’ve been here
six times this month.
78
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:28,393
{\an8}Yeah, but, um, one of those,
I dialed 9-1-1 by mistake,
79
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,436
{\an8}but I was too embarrassed
to admit it,
80
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,814
{\an8}so I set the house
on fire.
81
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,524
{\an8}Feels good
to tell the truth.
82
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,234
{\an8}No, I’m lying again,
it feels bad.
83
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,402
(sighs)
84
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,987
MARGE: Okay.
85
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,364
Everyone gets to put
one precious item
86
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,116
in our fireproof safe.
87
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,868
For me, it’s the family
photo album.
88
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:48,997
HOMER: Aw.
89
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,457
Our kids used
to be so cute.
90
00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:52,667
Used to?!
91
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,335
Oh, deal with it.
92
00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:55,962
It’s so hard
to choose
93
00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:58,673
just one item worthy
of the safe.
94
00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:01,342
So I made this elaborate
decision tree,
95
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,344
which in itself is worthy
of preservation.
96
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,387
(chuckles)
97
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,680
Tick tock, sweetie.
98
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:07,432
I picked my Malibu Stacy
hybrid convertible.
99
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:10,810
It runs on her old makeup
and out-of-style shoes.
100
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,687
I’m going with
the cologne
101
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:14,689
I wore on our
first date.
102
00:05:14,772 --> 00:05:16,858
(chuckling)
103
00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,444
Ooh.
104
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,779
I’m putting in my "Catch
A Rising Krusty" doll!
105
00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,448
{\an8}(mechanical whirring)
106
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,202
Where do the kids today get
these band names?
107
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,037
"The Kinks?"
108
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,163
"The Stones?"
109
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,581
Sounds like my last physical!
110
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,207
(laughing)
111
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:34,334
References.
112
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,626
(doll groaning)
113
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,588
No. Wait. Don’t...
114
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:40,381
Now we have nothing
to worry about
115
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:43,384
in the event of a fire
except our lives.
116
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:47,138
You see all those crazy
new electronics?
117
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,057
iPod... iTunes...
118
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,350
I give up!
119
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(laughing)
120
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(effervescing)
121
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,026
What’s that coming
out of the safe?
122
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:02,445
I don’t know-- maybe the Krusty
doll accidentally turned on
123
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,864
the car’s headlight, which
focused on the cologne bottle,
124
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,699
causing it to boil,
and soon explode.
125
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,326
Dad, that’s ridiculous.
126
00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,410
(explosion)
127
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,037
(all scream)
128
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,873
What’s the deal
with this "California pizza"?
129
00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,166
If I wanted...
130
00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:18,461
(distorted): cheese and
fruit, I’d have to...
131
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,671
(groaning)
132
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,008
(sighing)
133
00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:27,345
No!
134
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:28,930
It’s gone.
135
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:33,059
That family album was a record
of my accomplishments.
136
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:36,187
It’s like what a résumé is
for a man.
137
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,898
I agree, Mom,
it’s very sad.
138
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,608
But we’ll have
to move on.
139
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:43,736
It’s not like we can restage
all our family photos.
140
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,531
Restage the photos?
141
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,324
Lisa, you fool.
142
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,867
You’ve doomed us all.
143
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:50,993
(camera shutter clicks)
144
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,578
(crying): No!
145
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,914
(J Geils Band’s
"Freeze Frame" playing)
146
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,808
(music playing over TV)
147
00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:17,061
Okay, we’re recreating
our series finale party
148
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,729
for Star Trek: Voyager.
149
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,234
(weepy): Oh, man, I thought
I was strong enough
150
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,987
to get through this again,
but I’m not.
151
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,989
(sobbing)
152
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:31,284
(sobbing):
Oh, Captain Janeway!
153
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,787
Your mission
ended too soon.
154
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,789
Too soon.
155
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:46,549
Our new photos are back!
156
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,633
(grunts):
Ooh!
157
00:07:49,802 --> 00:07:51,012
(all screaming)
158
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:52,847
That’s why
I got duplicates.
159
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,515
(happy music playing)
160
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:57,226
{\an8}Aw! There’s my first
saxophone recital.
161
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:01,022
{\an8}Bart looks so cute as a mighty
oak in the school play.
162
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:04,317
{\an8}Here I am on the space shuttle,
orbiting Earth.
163
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,153
{\an8}It sure was nice of NASA
to send you up again.
164
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:08,779
Oh, my God!
165
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:09,947
Check out what’s happening
166
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,116
behind your restaged
anniversary dinner.
167
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,368
LISA: Duffman’s on a date
with Booberella.
168
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:15,995
(gasps)
He’s supposed to be
169
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:17,747
in a stable, long-term
gay relationship.
170
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:18,998
Hmm.
171
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,542
This is a celebrity scandal.
172
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,753
We could sell that photo
to a tabloid.
173
00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,672
And they pay big money
for photos.
174
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,883
Marge, this
isn’t like you.
175
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:32,595
{\an8}Well, it’s just about what we
need to pay for our fire damage.
176
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,472
{\an8}HOMER: Spooky.
177
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,269
This is good, real good.
178
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,271
Like Lindsay Lohan
looking drunk, high and bony.
179
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,357
Click, click, career over,
see ya in the gutter, freckles!
180
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,900
Homer, I’ll pay you
200 bucks.
181
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:47,193
Bring me more
snaps like this,
182
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:48,861
and I’ll make you
a moderately wealthy man.
183
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,821
Moderately wealthy?
184
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:51,822
(gasps)
185
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,950
Whee! I’m sort of rich!
186
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,661
I can rent anything I want!
187
00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:58,162
That’s quite
an offer.
188
00:08:58,246 --> 00:08:59,539
Can I discuss it
with my wife?
189
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,456
Sure, why not?
190
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,541
Then I’ll do it!
191
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:08,089
Oh, boy!
192
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,383
I can’t wait
to see Krusty.
193
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,468
Look, there’s his
chauffeur-driven Town Car.
194
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:14,804
(tires screeching)
195
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:15,763
(screams)
196
00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:18,432
Your head dinged
my door panel!
197
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:19,725
Jerks like you
ought to be shot!
198
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,185
Krusty!
199
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,771
How about a nice shot of you
with the boy you injured?
200
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,231
Paparazzi?!
201
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:27,942
Get lost,
ya parasite.
202
00:09:28,025 --> 00:09:29,860
How about you, Gabbo?
203
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,071
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
204
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,740
Okay, how about
an autograph for my kids?
205
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,450
Well, when you
put it that way...
206
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,368
Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi
207
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:38,869
yi-yi-yi-yi!
208
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,250
Okay, boy, this is
that snooty supermarket
209
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:45,668
all the celebrities
shop at.
210
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,795
You’re gonna help
me ambush them.
211
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,922
Look at this place.
212
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:51,674
Imported beer?
213
00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:53,467
Seedless grapes?
214
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,219
Chewing gum?
215
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:56,220
(gasps)
216
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,888
The clown on this cereal box
217
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,640
is just a person.
218
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,975
(gasps)
There’s the Rich Texan
219
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,852
and his daughter,
Paris Texan.
220
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,271
Come on, baby,
barf for mama.
221
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,356
Okay, boy,
do something annoying,
222
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,484
but leave yourself
room to build.
223
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,445
Hey, Paris,
I saw a disgusting
224
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,030
part of your body
on the Internet--
225
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,239
your face!
226
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,700
I’m still breaking
in this nose!
227
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,578
(grunting, shutter clicking)
228
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,418
(shutter clicking)
229
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,467
Look at those
celebrities.
230
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,593
I’ve met them all,
231
00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:38,012
and yet they don’t even
acknowledge my existence.
232
00:10:38,095 --> 00:10:39,305
Hello, Homer.
233
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:40,765
Have you
lost weight?
234
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,975
Oh, like you care,
Betty White.
235
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,393
Tell me,
how’s Maggie?
236
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,437
Her name is Marge!
237
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,022
I was talking
about your baby.
238
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:50,900
Oh. Uh, she’s
looking very... snappy!
239
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,860
Thanks for taking my picture.
240
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:54,320
If you want me
to sign it,
241
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,781
here’s a stamped,
self-addressed envelope.
242
00:10:56,864 --> 00:11:00,618
And give Santa’s Little
Helper a big hug for me.
243
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:03,454
Yeah, that’s right,
just walk away.
244
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,542
(lisping): Beautiful day,
isn’t it, Freddie?
245
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,002
God bless you
and yours.
246
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,671
Dad, it’s
Drederick Tatum.
247
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,005
Try to get him
to punch you.
248
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,131
No problem.
249
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,925
Hey, Drederick!
250
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,302
Yes, how can I help you,
my handsome friend?
251
00:11:18,386 --> 00:11:22,139
Your hip-hop CD was
boastful and unnecessary.
252
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,224
Okay, here we go.
253
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,143
-(camera shutter)
-(grunting)
254
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:31,982
(grunting)
255
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,862
(screams)
256
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,864
That’s what I think
of the fourth estate!
257
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,866
What are
the first three?
258
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:43,160
Nobility, clergy
and commoners.
259
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,245
Learn your
French history.
260
00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,080
Okay.
261
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:48,958
Terrific! Outstanding!
262
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,459
This has page one
written all over it.
263
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,002
What the hell
did you do that for?
264
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,963
I wanted to remember my place
in the book I was reading.
265
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,507
(sneaky music)
266
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,470
Boy, I never thought
I’d have my own darkroom.
267
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:02,763
LISA: Yes,
but why does it
268
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,724
have to be
in my bedroom?
269
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,892
Lis, you can’t stay here
if you’re gonna keep talking.
270
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,562
It’s 11:00 at night,
and I can’t get to sleep!
271
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,272
Well, then you could
come over here
272
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:12,606
and help Daddy
pour chemicals.
273
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:13,733
(sighs)
274
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,609
Okay.
275
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,153
(sizzling)
276
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,822
(groaning)
277
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,408
Kids-- they always say
they’re not tired
278
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:24,452
when they’re the most
tired of all.
279
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:25,619
(chuckles)
280
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,165
That photo’s mine.
281
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,459
That photo’s mine.
That photo’s mine.
282
00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,461
Well, I do like
the extra money.
283
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,045
But I think maybe
you should stop
284
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,591
exploiting human beings’
private misfortunes.
285
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:41,886
See, Marge-- everyone says
they hate these magazines,
286
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,471
but it’s impossible
to set them down.
287
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,513
Oh, it is not.
288
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,806
Watch me.
289
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,558
(groaning, grunting)
290
00:12:51,353 --> 00:12:52,313
Ooh...
291
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:53,773
(stammers)
292
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,149
(screaming)
293
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,568
Sideshow Mel is
in a custody battle?!
294
00:12:57,651 --> 00:13:00,321
(gasps)
And it’s turning bitter?
295
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,490
If you read one more thing,
it is a purchase.
296
00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,742
Experts disagree on
location of Heaven?
297
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:05,743
Purchase!
298
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:06,744
(register beeps)
299
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:10,080
(triumphant brass music)
300
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,751
Okay, this is the place.
301
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:17,713
(wind rushing)
302
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,800
Did I attach
the harness?!
303
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:21,801
No!
304
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,013
Should attach it
for you?!
305
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:29,475
If you don’t
mind...!
306
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,561
Thank you!
307
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:37,233
Now to make a young woman’s
wedding day all about me.
308
00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:40,653
Do you, Rainier
309
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:42,655
Luftwaffe
Wolfcastle,
310
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,824
take Maria Shriver-
Kennedy-Quimby
311
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,659
to be your
lawful wedded...
312
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:48,327
HOMER: Up, up,
and annoy!
313
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,328
Yes!
314
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,205
(crowd gasping)
315
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:52,540
I also wreck bar mitzvahs!
316
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,127
Is that horrible man
gone yet?
317
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:00,923
Yes, Mother, barring some sort
of pendulum effect.
318
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,842
(groaning)
319
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,969
First Amendment rules,
privacy drools!
320
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,095
(camera shutter clicking)
321
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,346
(groaning)
322
00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,682
(German accent):
Time to squash that shutterbug.
323
00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:12,142
You promised me
one day
324
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:14,311
where you wouldn’t
swear revenge on someone.
325
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,397
Promise revoked.
326
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:22,528
RAINIER WOLFCASTLE:
Greetings, famous faces
327
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:23,821
and sizzling stars.
328
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,073
(murmuring in agreement)
329
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,701
Thank you for responding
to my e-vite.
330
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:31,829
Krusty, your response
was the least funny.
331
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,497
I’m a visual comedian.
332
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,124
Did you get the j-peg?
333
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:36,125
Wouldn’t open.
334
00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,126
Oh!
335
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:38,586
I wish to discuss
our mutual enemy,
336
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:39,795
Homer Simpson.
337
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,463
(overlapping chatter)
338
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,007
Now, do not worry.
339
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,676
In my film A Future Droid
in King Arthur’s Court,
340
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,053
I learned
that it takes a Robo Knight
341
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,471
to defeat a Robo Knight.
342
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,472
(murmuring in agreement )
343
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,349
And to defeat a paparazzo,
344
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,934
it takes this man!
345
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,812
(foreboding music)
346
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,858
Let me introduce the world’s
greatest celebrity shutterbug--
347
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,027
Enrico Irritazio.
348
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,987
Buono giorno!
349
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,615
How are you gonna
help us, Beefaroni?
350
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,450
Allow me
to explain.
351
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:13,078
I take embarrassing
pictures of Homer,
352
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,705
harass him day and night.
353
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:16,790
Justice will be served,
354
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,209
and I will be a god
in your eyes!
355
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:20,836
(agreeable murmurs)
356
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,755
See? It is good.
357
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,465
I declare this meeting
achourned.
358
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:25,841
Now please,
take some sushi,
359
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,885
’cause if I give it to the dogs,
they will think,
360
00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:30,012
"Oh, now I get sushi
all the time."
361
00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:33,724
And I am not made of sushi.
362
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,227
Now, Maggie, I had
to use your car seat
363
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,939
to hold the
new TV Guide...
364
00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:43,651
so I’m gonna hang
you from the mirror.
365
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,278
(giggling)
366
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,948
(engine revving,
tires squealing)
367
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,202
Smile!
368
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,787
(camera shutter clicking)
369
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,456
He’s trying to make me
look like a bad father.
370
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:58,832
Maggie, take the wheel!
371
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,334
(grunting)
372
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,336
Ten and two,
Einstein!
373
00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:03,963
(camera shutter clicking)
374
00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:07,007
(camera shutter clicking)
375
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,968
Can’t I even have
privacy here?!
376
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,137
(camera shutter clicking)
377
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,224
(suspenseful music)
378
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:20,270
Scandalous!
379
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,271
Repugnant!
380
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,439
Ausgezeichnet!
381
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:26,568
I shall make this photo
into my screensaver!
382
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,070
Somehow.
383
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:30,155
How could you
publish this?
384
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,490
I thought we
were friends!
385
00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:32,908
I have no friends.
Friends take time.
386
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,618
And time is money,
and money pays for things,
387
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,869
like a manicure
and a boiled egg.
388
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,454
Get me one of each,
but not boiled, poached.
389
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:38,664
Ah, what the hell--
it’s Friday-- scrambled!
390
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,165
Sometimes I wish
I had a twin.
391
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,334
Not that much, though.
We’d just fight.
392
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,628
HOMER: And then he said
he didn’t want a twin
393
00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,296
because they’d
just fight.
394
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,050
Sweetie, maybe it’s time
you retired from paparazzying.
395
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:54,013
It’s never fun to get a taste
of your own medicine.
396
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:55,222
You’re right.
397
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,433
I’m giving up photography...
and my own medicine!
398
00:16:57,516 --> 00:17:00,227
So long, anti-clotting agent!
399
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,813
Clot, clot, clot, clot
clot, clot, clot, clot!
400
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:06,692
(Kylie Minogue’s "Can’t Get You
Out of My Head" playing)
401
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,027
(chuckles)
402
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,862
With Homer Simpson
out of the way,
403
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:13,115
we can go back to our lives
of sybaritic excess.
404
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,575
Stem cell fajita?
405
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,785
Leave the tray.
406
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:20,456
(loud laughter)
407
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:26,086
(thunder rumbling)
408
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,337
Listen to ’em.
409
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,714
They’re on top of the world
410
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,633
while I’m sittin’ here
pretending I have a stool.
411
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,344
All because of a bunch
of stuff that happened.
412
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,513
Ah, Homer, don’t
be so quick
413
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,432
to abandon this
paparazzo thing.
414
00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:41,226
Yeah, it’s an American tradition
to cut people down to size
415
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,353
because they’ve brought
so much joy into our lives.
416
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:44,521
You know who
I can’t stand?
417
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:46,273
That Robin Williams.
418
00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,984
You know, one time I saw him
eating dinner with his children.
419
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:50,360
He wouldn’t take
the time out
420
00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:52,696
to do all the funny bits
from his movies.
421
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,823
And my sister once saw
Burt Reynolds at an airport,
422
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,992
and he wouldn’t even
cosign her mortgage.
423
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,536
You guys are right--
I should get back in the game.
424
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,622
Oh! But I threw away my camera.
425
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:02,873
Oh, here,
use this one.
426
00:18:02,956 --> 00:18:04,792
I was gonna use it
to take secret photos
427
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,335
in the ladies’
toilet, but, uh,
428
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,920
no dames ever come
in this joint.
429
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,630
Thanks, Moe!
430
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:10,756
Sure.
431
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,719
Excuse me, do you have
a ladies’ room?
432
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,347
We need to trade bras
and panties.
433
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,891
Oh, you got
to be kidding me!
434
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:21,850
(glass shatters)
435
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,602
(song continues)
436
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:24,686
(thunder rumbling)
437
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,695
Oh!
438
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,614
You call this
a drink?
439
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:36,949
No, I never called it
a drink.
440
00:18:37,032 --> 00:18:38,617
(thunder rumbling,
music stops abruptly)
441
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:41,036
How do you want
your comeuppance--
442
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,289
eight by ten
or wallet size?
443
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,166
Celebrities,
hide your shame!
444
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,460
(loud shotgun-like pops
of shutter clicking)
445
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,852
(all groaning and whimpering)
446
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:11,733
What are you going to
do with those photos?
447
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,152
-Nothing.
-ALL: Huh?
448
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,570
Providing you celebrities
449
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,321
do something for me.
450
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:18,866
I want you all
to show some respect
451
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,576
for the people
who made you what you are.
452
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,411
Sign an autograph or two.
453
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,288
Support a charity
for something
454
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,331
that hasn’t happened
to a member of your family.
455
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:31,128
Let one of us regular guys write
a terrible children’s book!
456
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:32,754
We will take
the deal.
457
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,757
As a sign of good faith,
I invite you and your family
458
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,885
to a barbecue on
my offshore party platform.
459
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:49,479
{\an8}(sighs)
It is good doing real things
with real people.
460
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,441
Say, Rainier,
you’re in show business.
461
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,944
Would you mind taking a look
at this screenplay I wrote?
462
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,446
Oh, sorry.
463
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,532
I do not read
unsolicited manuscripts.
464
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:05,037
(lights buzzing)
465
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,540
(grunts)
466
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,793
Well, at least
it got made.
467
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:16,506
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
468
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,716
Shh!
469
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,596
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem