1
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,256
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:07,841
(tires screech)
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,593
D’oh!
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:11,511
(screams)
5
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:12,595
(tires screech)
6
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:29,404
{\an8}(wind blowing)
7
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:30,655
{\an8}(British accent):
Oh, hello.
8
00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:33,199
{\an8}I’m documentary filmmaker
Declan Desmond.
9
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,326
32 years ago I interviewed
10
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:38,038
a group of Springfield
schoolchildren.
11
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:39,914
(laughter, indistinct talking)
12
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:42,542
(gulping)
13
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:45,378
DECLAN:
These children
ran the gamut of society:
14
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,797
rich and poor, black and white,
15
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,426
"he’ll grow into his looks"
and "forever hideous."
16
00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:55,513
{\an8}My dad was a circus freak, but
my mom don’t remember which one.
17
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,891
{\an8}I like to think it
was a little bit of all of them.
18
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,477
{\an8}DECLAN:
Every eight years,
I revisited those children,
19
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,480
creating a cinematic chronicle
of their lives.
20
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:06,858
Join me, won’t you,
to see dreams dissolve
21
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,610
like a muffin
in the rain in...
22
00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,196
{\an8}In (reading):
23
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:12,280
(fanfare plays)
24
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,703
{\an8}What does the future hold
for these children?
25
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,414
{\an8}Will he grow up to work
in a robot factory?
26
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:24,292
Will she be the receptionist
for a robot businessman?
27
00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:27,337
And will he be a crusader
for robo-sexual rights?
28
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:31,091
{\an8}I say, "yes," "no," and "yes."
29
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:32,675
{\an8}Whee!
30
00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,807
{\an8}DECLAN:
So, Lenny, what
have we here?
31
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,726
{\an8}My daddy said I can have
any birthday party I want.
32
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,561
{\an8}My cake will be a picture
of a dinosaur
33
00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:44,979
{\an8}and all the guests will say,
34
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,023
{\an8}"Why, Lenny,
that’s a fine cake!"
35
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,442
{\an8}Then, "Yes," I’ll say.
36
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,530
{\an8}DECLAN:
I decided not to waste any more
film on him after that.
37
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,741
{\an8}I wish for world peace.
38
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,036
{\an8}I wish for world war.
39
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,621
{\an8}Oh, yeah, that would
be cooler.
40
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:02,747
{\an8}(grunts)
41
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,332
{\an8}I wish
when I grow up,
42
00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:07,127
{\an8}I’ll be richer
than everybody!
43
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,254
{\an8}(laughing)
44
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,131
I will! I will be rich!
45
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,550
{\an8}I’ll own a football team
and a basketball team
46
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:14,968
{\an8}and I’ll make them
play baseball!
47
00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:20,390
{\an8}But what became
of these wide-eyed naives?
48
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:24,352
{\an8}Let’s begin by following the
life of little Clancy Wiggum.
49
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,396
{\an8}Bang-bang! Bang!
50
00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,939
{\an8}Freeze, robber, freeze!
51
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,023
Bang, bang, bang!
52
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,275
(screaming)
53
00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,402
{\an8}It hurts!
It hurts so bad!
54
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,195
{\an8}Please, just put
one in my brain!
55
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,280
{\an8}(sighs)
56
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:36,322
{\an8}Okay.
57
00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,032
{\an8}Uh, bang.
58
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,742
{\an8}(groaning):
Thank you.
59
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,412
{\an8}As hall monitor,
I am the law.
60
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:43,830
{\an8}No running in the hall.
61
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,039
No running
in the hall.
62
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:46,291
Ah, no running in the hall.
63
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,709
Hey, detention bird!
64
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,586
Thanks for not
running in the hall.
65
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,087
(muffled yelling)
66
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,463
Go, Wildcats.
67
00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:54,757
(gunshots)
68
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:59,053
{\an8}DECLAN:
At 24, Clancy Wiggum
69
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,723
{\an8}was accepted into
the police academy.
70
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,057
{\an8}(clicking)
71
00:03:03,141 --> 00:03:04,642
{\an8}Hmm...
72
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,563
{\an8}Wiggum!
73
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:11,858
What did I tell you
about pointsy-towardsies?!
74
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,860
You seem a little
cranky, Commandant.
75
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,778
A back rub’ll set you right.
76
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,363
There we go.
77
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,199
Ooh... okay.
78
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,201
Don’t be afraid
to dig in there good!
79
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,203
(gunshot, thump)
80
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,706
Hey, what’s the matter, buddy?
Need a backrub?
81
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,167
DECLAN:
At 32, Officer Wiggum
82
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,921
had found the fast track
to becoming chief.
83
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,923
Oh, yeah, oh,
that’s the stuff.
84
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,008
Thanks for giving me
an 8:30 appointment.
85
00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:38,718
You are a lifesaver.
86
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:43,014
You know, uh, if I was Chief,
I could give you 8:30 every day.
87
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:44,307
I don’t have
the authority to...
88
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:46,142
Oh... oh...
89
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,435
I’ll make it happen.
90
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,688
And here we are in now-times.
91
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:54,108
As you can see, I’ve gotten
everything I’ve ever wanted.
92
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,360
Except pants
that fit.
93
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:57,987
I told you that if
I let you in this movie
94
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:58,988
you couldn’t make
fun of me.
95
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,366
I’m not making fun of you.
I’m making fun of your pants.
96
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,660
Well, how’d you like it if
I made fun of your pants?
97
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:04,661
Go ahead.
98
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,496
Well, they’re a little, uh...
99
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,789
They-they, uh...
100
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,165
Oh, they’re perfect.
101
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:12,043
{\an8}When I grow up,
I’ll have a giant mansion,
102
00:04:12,126 --> 00:04:15,296
{\an8}my own pinball machine
with infinity quarters,
103
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,799
eight pairs of peanut butter
and jelly pajamas...
104
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:19,550
How many wishes do I have left?
105
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,094
DECLAN:
None. You never had any.
106
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,387
I’m not a genie.
107
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,221
D’oh!
108
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:26,099
Homer, your dreams will
take a lot of money.
109
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:27,433
Don’t look at me.
Look at the camera.
110
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,268
Got it.
111
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:29,435
I said, look
at the camera.
112
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,311
No problem.
113
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,980
Now you’re looking
at a mud puddle.
114
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,022
That’s your hand.
115
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,691
That’s the production
accountant.
116
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,817
That’s your
other hand.
117
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,652
Do you even know
what a camera is?
118
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,570
Well, of cour... No.
119
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,823
I’m gonna put
this squeaky toy
120
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,533
on top of
the camera.
121
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:44,534
(squeaking)
122
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,619
(giggles):
Squeaky! Squeaky!
123
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,954
Squeaky, squeaky!
124
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,414
Squeaky, squeaky, squeaky!
125
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:51,791
{\an8}DECLAN:
Unsurprisingly, by age 24,
126
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:55,128
{\an8}Homer’s dreams of wealth
had not come to fruition.
127
00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,796
Manure for sale!
128
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,631
Get your manure!
129
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,633
Loamiest in town!
130
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,343
Hey, the manure dealership
131
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,387
is just one of the things
I got going.
132
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:08,683
I also have a sweet gig as
an infomercial question-asker.
133
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:12,312
Um, I know Super Clean cleans,
but does it scrub?
134
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,233
My garage band
is getting so tight.
135
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,609
(guitar solo)
136
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:19,736
(drum solo)
137
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,446
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
138
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,197
(harmonica solo)
139
00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:25,283
(panting)
140
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,869
The album cover’s
gonna be a naked girl
141
00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:30,371
with stars for boobs.
142
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,623
And I do
open-casket caricatures.
143
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:34,042
Did he have any hobbies?
144
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,793
Get out of here!
145
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,920
DECLAN:
But Homer had found
a peanut of hope
146
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,715
in his Cracker Jack box
of despair.
147
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,762
Homer is so amazing!
148
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:50,475
He can chug a beer and
pitch woo at the same time.
149
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:54,771
The light from your eyes
could guide a ship at sea.
150
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,272
Eh?
151
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,691
DECLAN:
Are you two
considering children?
152
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,318
(scoffs):
Kids? No way!
153
00:06:00,401 --> 00:06:02,862
You’ll never see a couple
of rugrats tying me down!
154
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:04,989
{\an8}You better not put this shot
155
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,158
{\an8}after the one where I said
I won’t have kids.
156
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,202
That would be
a devastating edit.
157
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,746
Homer, your life is
nothing to be ashamed of.
158
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:13,331
You’ve got
a loving family
159
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:15,750
and a steady job at
a nuclear power plant.
160
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,627
You’re not
English Breakfast,
161
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,004
but you’re not
Lapsang Soochong either.
162
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,589
(fey laughter)
163
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:22,924
Oh, yeah?
164
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,592
Check with me
in eight years, Dr. Who.
165
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:28,262
I’ll be kickin’ your ass
with a solid gold boot!
166
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:32,600
Hmm... what’s changed for me
since the last time I saw you?
167
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:35,520
Only... everything!
168
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,313
DECLAN:
I can’t believe it!
169
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,441
Homer Simpson...
a bloody millionaire?!
170
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,026
Why do you sound so shocked?
171
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,694
This is our fifth take.
172
00:06:49,283 --> 00:06:50,368
Whee!
173
00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:52,745
(laughing)
174
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:53,746
Now that I’m super-wealthy,
175
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,416
I can buy them whatever
their hearts desire.
176
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,250
(chuckles)
177
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,585
That’s why rich kids
turn out so well.
178
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:00,920
(whooping)
179
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:02,338
(laughing)
180
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,090
Mine has a cup holder.
181
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,967
Bart, that’s a blowhole.
182
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,260
You’re a blowhole!
183
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,679
(dolphin squealing)
184
00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:12,390
No, boy.
Up, up, up!
185
00:07:12,473 --> 00:07:14,851
DECLAN:
Well, Marge, you must be
proud of your "Homie."
186
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:18,855
Oh, yes, I’m so proud,
I feel my chest might burst.
187
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:22,316
Can you edit that? I don’t want
to say "chest" in a movie.
188
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,068
You said it
and it stays.
189
00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,863
But I must know: How
did Homer come so far
190
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,448
in eight short years?
191
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,408
{\an8}(mariachi band playing)
192
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:33,369
This pays a lot better
than you think.
193
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,538
{\an8}(speaking Spanish)
194
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,670
You see, Declan,
I made my millions
195
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:46,215
with a simple invention:
the Condiment Pen!
196
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,050
Just click the
buttons at the top,
197
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,637
and you can choose from ketchup,
mustard, mayo and relish.
198
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,892
♪ Do, do, do, do, do-do-do. ♪
199
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:59,562
(loud whisper):
I got the idea
from the regular pen.
200
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,355
DECLAN:
Can I use it on
fish and chips?
201
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:02,857
I don’t know.
202
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:05,026
You can put horseradish on
your dead mother for all I care.
203
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:09,197
The point is:
I’m rich, rich, rich!
204
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,950
Just look--
my dog has his own Jacuzzi!
205
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,453
(yelping)
206
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,079
(giggling)
207
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,706
He loves it!
208
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:19,707
(yelps)
209
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,667
DECLAN:
You win, Homer.
210
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,378
I guess there’s no way I can
embarrass you any further.
211
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:26,881
{\an8}(Declan chuckles)
212
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:32,178
{\an8}When I, um, grow up,
I’m gonna be a rocket scientist!
213
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,763
To Mars!
214
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,056
Zoom.
215
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:36,057
(grunts)
216
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,850
Zoom.
217
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:38,893
(nervous cry)
218
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,188
Ah, bullies approaching.
219
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:44,190
Activate cloaking device.
220
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:52,365
DECLAN:
Professor Frink,
you’ve become
221
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:55,618
one of Springfield’s most
renowned scientific minds.
222
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:57,828
-You discovered and
cured Frink’s disease,
-Uh-huh.
223
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,122
created the element
Frinkonium,
224
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,792
and invented the
eight-month-after pill.
225
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,877
Yes, yes, all right.
All of that means nothing, sir.
226
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:08,798
I’ve spent my whole life in the
lab and never talked to a girl.
227
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,092
That’s why I built
this time machine.
228
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:13,135
I give you the chrono-trike!
229
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,804
Now, I’ll go back in time
230
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,223
to tell myself to choose
a different career,
231
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:21,519
one where I’ll meet a female
woman of the girl-u-lar variety.
232
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,566
(grunting)
233
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:28,442
Have to get the speed
going here.
234
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:29,986
(electrical zapping)
235
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,488
(humming)
236
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,906
Listen to me,
little Frink.
237
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,658
I am here to warn you...
238
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,368
(grunting
and groaning)
239
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:38,494
That was...
240
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:41,831
Hey, I’m still going,
but... (groans)
241
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,249
(humming)
242
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,251
Hey... cool!
243
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:48,796
{\an8}I want to be a lawyer
and a doctor
244
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:51,048
{\an8}because a woman can do anything.
245
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,551
DECLAN:
At 24, Eleanor had graduated
246
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:56,053
from Harvard Medical
and Yale Law.
247
00:09:56,137 --> 00:09:57,638
Your Honor, I’d like
to request a continuance
248
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,807
so I can go deliver a baby.
249
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,351
I love babies.
I’ll allow it.
250
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:05,980
I’m a little burnt-out.
251
00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,732
So, sometimes-- don’t shoot me--
252
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,775
I have a glass of wine
with Buster here.
253
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,235
(chuckles nervously)
254
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,487
He’s a real comfort.
255
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,780
I might even get a second cat.
256
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:18,618
(shrieking
and muttering gibberish)
257
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:21,412
(cats yowling)
258
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,331
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
259
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,707
DECLAN:
Nice kitty.
260
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,127
{\an8}I like taking pictures.
261
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,506
Whee!
262
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:33,716
(camera shutter clicks)
263
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,968
Take my picture.
Take my picture.
264
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,303
(grunts and groans)
265
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:39,180
(camera shutter clicks)
266
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,766
Aw, crap, my
first kiss.
267
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,476
You could do a lot worse,
my friend.
268
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,020
DECLAN:
At age 16,
269
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:49,231
Marge was the star photographer
for her school newspaper.
270
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:58,741
But her interests soon expanded
beyond shutterbuggery.
271
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:02,286
The biggest change for me
over the last eight years?
272
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,746
That’s got to be Homer.
273
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:04,997
Marge, baby!
274
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,875
I got a picture of you
tattooed on my chest.
275
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,460
(chuckling)
276
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,796
They had a sale
on skulls.
277
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:12,755
(murmurs awkwardly)
278
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:14,090
DECLAN:
At 24,
279
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,592
Marge’s photojournalistic
dreams were,
280
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,303
shall we say, underdeveloped?
281
00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,056
I need one wallet-sized photo
for my captain’s license.
282
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,349
(sighs wearily)
283
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:24,684
Coming right up.
284
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,686
Mind if I turn on
a little music?
285
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,938
("Disco Inferno" playing)
286
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,314
It’s so danceable.
287
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,567
Nautical Stu
loves disco music.
288
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:35,403
Ha, ha!
289
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:38,906
DECLAN:
And the world welcomed
Disco Stu.
290
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,783
Ha, mm, yeah!
291
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:41,951
(sighs)
292
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,704
I need a full-time job
to support Homer
293
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,123
so he has time to work
on his rock music,
294
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,166
his erotic etchings,
295
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,753
his Play-Doh Theater...
296
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,671
(sighs heavily)
297
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,967
And yet look how
things turned out.
298
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,679
This overnight affluence must
have come as a tremendous shock.
299
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,139
Oh, yes, sir.
300
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:06,559
As shocks go,
this one’s a real zaparoo.
301
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,562
Listen, something’s been
piquing my curiosity.
302
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:13,149
Why is your medicine cabinet
full of old man ointments?
303
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:15,735
Oh... mm-hmm.
304
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:20,281
-Well, yeah, the
ointments, um..
-(door opens)
305
00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:23,200
(gasps):
What are you people doing
in my summer home?
306
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,618
(stammering):
Uh, oh, uh...
307
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,747
This is Eduardo,
my pool boy.
308
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,332
He thinks he’s an
angry, rich man.
309
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,752
I am an angry, rich man.
310
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:35,296
(loud whisper):
That’s the pool
chemicals talking.
311
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,510
Homer J. Simpson,
312
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:45,806
your fabulous millionaire
lifestyle is all a lie.
313
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,808
(a la Katharine Hepburn):
Oh, Father, my pony Buttercup
314
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,435
can jump
ever so high...
315
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,187
(normal voice):
Hoo-boy, it’s Mr. Burns.
316
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,564
Please, Mr. Burns,
pretend you work for me.
317
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,900
You can have the boy.
Just don’t beat him.
318
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:58,152
(loud whisper):
You can beat him.
Just don’t leave marks.
319
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,237
Shut up, you waste
of skin and fat.
320
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,573
You’ve desecrated
my every possession.
321
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,741
Ugh!
322
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,534
Eww!
323
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,454
(muffled grunting)
324
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:09,455
(sighs)
325
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:11,040
(panting and groaning)
326
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,249
Oh, thank you, sir.
327
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,502
For three days
I’ve had nothing to read
328
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,337
but clock-setting instructions:
329
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:18,798
"Using the suspension spring
above the pendulum leader,
330
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,466
hang the pendulum
on the pendulum guide..."
331
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:21,383
(angry grunt)
332
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,302
Mr. Burns,
we’re so sorry.
333
00:13:23,385 --> 00:13:25,179
The plan was just
to use your backyard,
334
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:26,972
and the next thing
we know,
335
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,600
Mr. Smithers is tied up
in a grandfather clock.
336
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:30,810
Please get me out of here.
337
00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,561
It’s 11:59:59.
338
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,272
(clock tolling 12 times
as Smithers moans)
339
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,159
(exasperated grunt)
340
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,495
I’ve heard enough.
341
00:13:49,578 --> 00:13:52,331
Release the hounds.
342
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,333
Uh, sir, your hounds are
still at the winter house.
343
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:58,212
Well, bring them over
in the Durango.
344
00:13:58,295 --> 00:14:00,548
Shadow and Winston
have been fighting a lot.
345
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,550
Huh, put Winston
in the front.
346
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,176
Winston doesn’t
like the front.
347
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,428
Just do it. Do it.
Do it now!
348
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,265
{\an8}(sipping)
349
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,724
{\an8}...and that’s
how I got
350
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,935
the vending machine
contract for the Kremlin.
351
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:14,937
(polite laughter)
352
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,022
(door opens, growling)
353
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,440
Sorry, sir.
354
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,984
Traffic was
a nightmare.
355
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:22,862
Then I got caught in some
kind of garlic festival.
356
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,321
(menacing):
Release the hounds.
357
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:26,073
(barking, screaming)
358
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,783
HOMER:
Stop it, Winston!
359
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,078
In the wake of this deception,
I had two questions for Homer:
360
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:34,248
"Why lie?" and "Lies... why?"
361
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,000
But he seemed
less than eager to meet.
362
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,668
Homer, I brought
a squeaky!
363
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,669
(squeaking)
364
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:39,670
(shrieks)
365
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:45,593
(toy squeaking)
366
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,429
(yelling)
367
00:14:50,264 --> 00:14:51,181
(toy squeaking)
368
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,182
(yells)
369
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,519
(toy squeaking)
370
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,271
(shrieks, grunts)
371
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,067
Ooh! Ah! Ah!
372
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,028
Help!
373
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:07,072
DECLAN:
I realized that if this bunny
was going to be boiled,
374
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:09,074
I would have
to turn up the heat.
375
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:10,367
LENNY:
There you are!
376
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,578
I’m ready
for my segment.
377
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:13,746
(chuckles):
Lenny...
378
00:15:13,829 --> 00:15:16,248
always exciting
to hear from you.
379
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,376
Did you ever try
that new shampoo?
380
00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,170
Nope, never did.
381
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,341
Want to watch me
pay my cable bill?
382
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,301
I got checks with
butterflies on them.
383
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:30,804
I am interesting.
384
00:15:30,888 --> 00:15:32,097
No, you’re not.
385
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,600
What do you want?
386
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,727
Marge, can you just
let me in for a minute?
387
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:38,479
We let you in
32 years ago
388
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:40,814
and it’s brought us
nothing but pain.
389
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,150
Well, if you want, I can
cut you out of the film.
390
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,234
No, no, no, no, no!
391
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,903
Let’s not get crazy.
392
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:49,615
Then I just want to know why
your husband did what he did.
393
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:52,159
HOMER:
I’ll tell you why.
394
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,578
It’s been another eight years
and what do I have?
395
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,706
Same job, same house,
same dirty joke book.
396
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:05,089
(weak laughter)
397
00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:08,008
I just thought for once I could
be the cool guy in your movie.
398
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,971
But all I am is the guy who
makes everyone else look good.
399
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,264
Strong words
from a dumpy man.
400
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,516
And cut.
401
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,768
Wait just a
cotton-swabbing minute!
402
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:21,271
A good man went to a lot of
trouble just to impress you.
403
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,775
And I went along with it
because I love him to pieces.
404
00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:27,528
And you made him
look like a fool.
405
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,822
Well, I don’t want you
anywhere near my house!
406
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,198
Now you can cut!
407
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,368
What’s the matter, Declan?
408
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:35,744
Did a cop give you
a ticket
409
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,079
for talking
like a fruit?
410
00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:38,497
It’s the oddest thing.
411
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:39,790
I actually feel affection
412
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:42,292
for these knuckle-dragging
sub-monkeys.
413
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,461
I feel sorry
for Homer Simpson.
414
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,422
What, have you been
sipping cuckoo juice?
415
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,923
Homer’s got it made.
416
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,591
He’s married to one
hell of a woman.
417
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,343
All I’ve got
is this porn channel
418
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,137
I’m too cheap
to descramble.
419
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,431
That’s an ad
for shoe inserts.
420
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,306
What the....?
421
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,100
I’ve been writing creepy
letters to that?
422
00:16:58,183 --> 00:16:59,977
But what you said
about Homer, it’s...
423
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:02,104
it’s given me
a brilliant idea!
424
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,731
An action movie
where I play the Pope
425
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,190
who kills the president?
426
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:06,608
No, that’s a
terrible idea.
427
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,651
Yeah, I know.
It’s stupid.
428
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:08,777
I think
it could work, though.
429
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,572
I’ve even got a title:
Pontiff No Return.
430
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:13,866
I came up with it, but
I don’t really get it.
431
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:17,161
DECLAN:
The next day, I invited Homer
to my editing bay.
432
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,126
Oh, my God, the view!
433
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,045
This makes it all worth it!
434
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,088
Yeah, it’s not so much
fun when you’re blind.
435
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,007
At least you made it
up the mountain.
436
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,300
No thanks
to you two.
437
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,262
All right,
you lured me to your bay.
438
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,015
Now what sick game
are you playing?
439
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,767
I have some footage
to show you.
440
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,101
O, spirit!
441
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,978
Are you gonna show me my future?
442
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,731
My snow-flecked grave,
mourned by no man?
443
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:47,608
Well, it’s not too late
for me to change!
444
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,817
You there, boy!
445
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,569
Buy me a Christmas goose!
446
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,279
The biggest one in the shop!
447
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:53,906
BOY (squeaky-voiced):
And then what?
448
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,283
Homer, come over here
and take a look at this.
449
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:59,745
I’ve gone over 100,000 hours
of Springfield footage--
450
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:03,415
twice-- and put together
something you must see.
451
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,921
If I could trade lives with
anybody, I’d pick Homer.
452
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,506
Have you been to Homer’s house?
453
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,549
It’s got a back yard,
a front yard...
454
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,967
The place is like yard city!
455
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:15,219
I love his laugh.
456
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:18,347
He picked the perfect time
to lock in his mortgage.
457
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,391
He’s the kindest,
sweetest, most generous man
458
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,185
ever to drive through
my living room.
459
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,562
I’ll pay for most of this!
460
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:29,024
He may not be perfect,
but he’s my dad.
461
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,568
Homer gave me a kidney.
462
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:34,905
It wasn’t his, I didn’t need it,
and it came postage due,
463
00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:37,533
but still, a lovely gesture.
464
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,701
I like when
Daddy’s out of work
465
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,787
’cause he can spend
more time with me.
466
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,752
At bedtime, he tucks me in
tighter than anyone else could.
467
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,254
And you know what?
468
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:52,840
No monsters have gotten me yet.
469
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,091
Wow...
470
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,593
I have a pretty good life
after all.
471
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:59,138
Homer!
Don’t kill the foreign man!
472
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,597
(chuckling):
Relax, Marge.
473
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,516
I wasn’t
gonna kill him.
474
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,855
All those years I was dreaming
of other things,
475
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,691
I was actually doing
what I really wanted:
476
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:14,236
hanging out with my family,
drinking with my friends,
477
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:18,407
making friends with my family
and hanging with my drinking.
478
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,285
Marge, you’re my
real dream come true.
479
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:24,079
And I get to live you
every day.
480
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,081
Oh, Homie!
481
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:29,459
You make each eight-year
interval better than the last!
482
00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:31,712
Oh...
483
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:35,257
So, Homer, are you at peace
with your lot in life?
484
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,717
Absolutely.
485
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,844
Hey, is that
a mixing board?
486
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:40,137
Uh, no, no.
It’s something else.
487
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,138
Yes, it is.
488
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,681
Look, I need to lay
down some tracks.
489
00:19:42,764 --> 00:19:45,017
I’m making a demo tape.
490
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,686
By the time you come back
in eight years,
491
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,230
I’ll be the world’s
richest rock star!
492
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,149
One, two,
three, four...
493
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,442
♪ Satan, you’re my lady ♪
494
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:56,153
♪ Stick me
with your pitchfork thing ♪
495
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,115
♪ Satan, you’re my lady ♪
496
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,076
♪ Stick me
with your pitchfork thing ♪
497
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,831
♪ All night long ♪
498
00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,125
♪ Yeah, yeah, girl ♪
499
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,546
♪ Smother me
with your beezle boobs ♪
500
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,925
♪ ’Cause I’m
a rock ’n’ roll hero ♪
501
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:23,180
♪ With a motorcycle made of fire
called the Flame Mobile ♪
502
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:26,350
-♪ Flame Mobile ♪
-(electrical zapping)
503
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:28,143
♪ Satan, you’re my lady ♪
504
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,062
♪ Stick me
with your pitchfork thing ♪
505
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,189
Come on, Declan.
Join me.
506
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,149
♪ Shoobie-doobie-do-wa ♪
507
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,567
-No!
-♪ Woobie-shoobie-do-wa ♪
508
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,361
-Those aren’t
the lyrics!
-What?
509
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:38,946
-"Satan,
you’re my lady."
-Oh!
510
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,280
♪ Satan, you’re my lady ♪
511
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,950
♪ Stick me
with your pitchfork thing ♪
512
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,619
-♪ Shoobie-do-wa,
shoobie-do-wa ♪
-I think I’ll keep that in.
513
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:46,453
Stop.
514
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,996
I don’t really know much about
this rock and roll thing.
515
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,165
Oh, you could
have fooled me!
516
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,167
-I think I can do
one more, though.
-All right.
517
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,585
♪ Satan,
you’re my lady ♪
518
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,587
♪ Stick me with your
pitchfork thing ♪
519
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,923
♪ Shoobie-do-wa,
shoobie-do-wa ♪
520
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:00,384
-♪ All night long ♪
-♪ All night long ♪
521
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,636
-♪ Yeah, yeah, girl ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
522
00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:04,429
Don’t quit your day job.
523
00:21:04,513 --> 00:21:05,847
All right. That’s it.
524
00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:11,853
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
525
00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:53,812
Shh!
526
00:21:56,773 --> 00:21:58,734
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem