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CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
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(tires screeching)
3
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♪♪
4
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D’oh!
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(screams)
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(tires screeching)
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(children's music plays)
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♪♪
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{\an8}Ah... nothing beats
taking a family drive
10
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with our new
satellite radio.
11
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,619
{\an8}Which of the 25
easy-listening stations
12
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{\an8}should we listen to?
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I say "Cool Waves."
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BART: "Neon Breeze!"
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LISA: "Chill Thunder!"
"Chill Thunder!"
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{\an8}(chuckling):
You’re all idiots.
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{\an8}I’m putting it
on "Chill Thunder Lite."
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{\an8}Oh, now
that’s smooth.
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-(beeping)
-Out of my way,
20
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you seat belt-wearin’
cowards!
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{\an8}Hey! Nobody cuts me off!
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{\an8}(growling)
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Homer, no!
24
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{\an8}Revenge never
solves anything.
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Then what’s America
doing in Iraq?
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{\an8}Well, let me
tell you a story
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00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,278
{\an8}about a time
revenge brought
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{\an8}only unhappiness
and misery.
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It happened
many years ago in Paris.
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Texas?
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No, France.
32
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{\an8}MARGE: There was
a happy young family.
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Papa, may we
have chocolat?
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Papa, may we have
petit fours?
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May we? May we?
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Mais oui!
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{\an8}(all French laughing)
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{\an8}Oh, mon cher,
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{\an8}I am the luckiest wife
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{\an8}in the entire
16th arrondissement!
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{\an8}Let us kiss
with the tongues.
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{\an8}(groaning)
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(tongue trilling)
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{\an8}I hate that Homer jerk
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{\an8}with his beautiful wife
and loving family,
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{\an8}when all I got
is this doorway.
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{\an8}Well, enjoy your sensual
tongue-play while you can
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{\an8}’cause I’ve got a plan
to take everything you got!
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(groaning)
50
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(snoring)
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{\an8}(snoring continues)
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Monsieur Simpson.
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{\an8}You’re under arrest
for treason.
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{\an8}Treason?
But I love France.
55
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{\an8}The way all our words
are either a girl or a guy.
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{\an8}Oh, that’s the best.
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{\an8}Tell it to le baton!
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{\an8}(grunts)
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{\an8}(groaning)
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{\an8}I don’t want the kids
to see me this way.
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{\an8}Don’t worry!
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{\an8}They’re still
drunk from school.
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(gurgling)
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Uh... deux...
trois.
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Listen to this
letter he wrote.
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{\an8}(clearing throat):
"Dear England,
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{\an8}how I love
your moors and heaths.
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{\an8}For you, I’d do
whatever it takes,
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especially treason."
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I didn’t write that!
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Even if I did love England,
I’d play it cool.
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Wait for it
to come to me.
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I sentence you to life.
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You moron!
I’m already alive.
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In prison.
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(screams)
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(groans)
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(imitating European
siren noises)
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I’m gonna stop now.
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(rattling)
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I shouldn’t be here.
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I was framed.
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You think you
got problems?
84
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The man in the iron mask
over there
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is the rightful
King of France.
86
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Hey, wait,
did you guys hear that?
87
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He just admitted it. Guys?
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Oh, man, this place
is so unfair.
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Are you going
to torture me?
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We can’t tell you.
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Not knowing is
the worst torture of all.
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Well, that and
the rat helmet.
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(groaning)
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Now get some sleep.
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You’ve got a 9:00 a.m.
rat helmet.
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Oh, 9:00 a.m.
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(music swells)
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I swear
revenge on Meaux!
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Even if it takes me
the rest of my life!
100
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Can you loosen my arms
so I can shake my fists?
101
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You’re the traitor.
102
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Revenge!
103
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Okay.
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Thank you.
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(hooting)
106
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Oh, little mouse.
107
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You are the only thing
that keeps me sane.
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(gulping, slurping)
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Now I have nothing.
110
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Perhaps
I may be of help.
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(gasping):
Where did you come from?
112
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I’m your cell mate.
113
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You never noticed me
because frankly,
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you’re extremely
self-centered.
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Oh, sorry,
I wasn’t listening.
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I was checking out my reflection
in this yellow water.
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Ho-ho-ho-ho,
looking good.
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Young man, I have the answer
to your problems.
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(grunting)
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(gasping)
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I spent 30 years
digging this tunnel,
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but now I can’t use it.
123
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I’m simply too old.
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And decrepit.
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(shudders): But you can escape
and use this map
126
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to retrieve
my buried treasure.
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With it you can
have your revenge.
128
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Ooh, the-the!
129
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But why are
you helping me?
130
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Well, because before
my wretched life
131
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comes to a close,
132
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I want to know that
I had one friend.
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Also, because
while you slept,
134
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I violated you repeatedly.
135
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So this map leads
to a treasure, huh?
136
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I wonder how long
this tunnel
137
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...iiiiiiiis!
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(splashing)
139
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(gurgling): D’oh!
140
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(mysterious music playing)
141
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(gasping)
142
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Damn it!
143
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(gasping)
144
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How’s it going?
145
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(softly):
D’oh!
146
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,025
Uh-huh. Hmm.
147
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,569
Mon Dieu!
148
00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,695
(wondrous music playing)
149
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(gasping):
Whoo-hoo-hee!
150
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(coins clinking)
151
00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:07,617
Ha-ha! Do-do-do.
152
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Ew! Silver.
153
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Ooh, a penny.
154
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This is my lucky day!
155
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{\an8}(fanfare playing)
156
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:26,094
♪ Frère Jacques,
Frère Jacques ♪
157
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♪ Dormez-vous, dormez-vous ♪
158
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Oh, I love today’s music.
159
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,351
Frère this,
and Jacques that.
160
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:34,352
Out of sight.
161
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:36,104
(knocking)
162
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,107
"The Count
of Monte Cristo
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00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,025
invites you
to a formal gala."
164
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,486
Ooh, the Count
of Monte Cristo!
165
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,197
Can we go?
166
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,698
We haven’t been
to any parties
167
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since that soirée
at the Bastille.
168
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Ah...summer nights.
169
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,163
(horse sputtering)
170
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,164
(regal music)
171
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,874
When will we meet
the count?
172
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,459
Do you think
he’ll like us?
173
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,752
I’ve heard rumors
he’s mysterious.
174
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:01,712
(trumpet fanfare)
175
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(all gasping)
176
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,136
(all gasping)
177
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,223
(kissing)
178
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Madame, you have the shapely,
hairless knuckles of a queen.
179
00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:17,603
(laughs):
Oh. Well.
180
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,397
Monsieur Meaux,
181
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,899
I would be honored
if you would be the first
182
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,652
to enjoy the evening’s
entertainment.
183
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:25,903
Here it is:
184
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:29,824
the harmless chair
of relaxation.
185
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,159
I heard about
these things.
186
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:32,618
They’re good for
doing the wife, right?
187
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,786
Oh!
188
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,372
Little do you know
that the Count of Monte Cristo
189
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,916
is in fact
an old acquaintance of yours.
190
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,626
Ma?
191
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,171
I have returned!
192
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:44,797
-I don’t get it.
-(crowd chatter)
193
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,216
Oh, hold on.
194
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,843
-It’s him!
-Monsieur Simpson!
195
00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:50,595
Homer,
you’re back!
196
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:53,473
Oui, oui! And I have spent
the last five years
197
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,892
plotting the most
exquisite revenge!
198
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,061
(whirring)
199
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,156
Okay, lesson learned.
Friends again?
200
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:11,616
(metallic creaking)
201
00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,202
(sizzling)
202
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:15,703
Crêpes?
203
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,706
Suzette!
204
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:24,212
(all gasping)
205
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:25,505
Homer?
206
00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,048
Yes, my love?
207
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,300
You killed
my husband.
208
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,551
(groans)
209
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:31,761
No!
210
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,513
BOTH: Papa Meaux!
Papa Meaux!
211
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,097
You guys liked him?
212
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,850
We were together
for five years.
213
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,061
Now who’s going
to take care of the triplets?
214
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:44,565
(low, Mo-like crying)
215
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,652
But Marge, I did
it all for you.
216
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:48,861
For me, huh?
217
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,488
What took you so long?
218
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:51,739
It takes time
219
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:53,616
to make a revenge machine
this awesome.
220
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:54,951
Plus, in the middle,
221
00:08:55,034 --> 00:08:57,328
I had to take revenge
on some of my contractors.
222
00:08:57,411 --> 00:09:00,581
You spent so much time
plotting your revenge,
223
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,917
you lost everything
that really mattered.
224
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,377
Come on, kids.
225
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:12,093
So you see, Homer,
revenge only leads to misery.
226
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:16,222
(singing Jamaican rap)
227
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,765
(turns radio off)
Weren’t you listening?
228
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,518
I just told you a whole story
about revenge.
229
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:21,519
Oh, right.
230
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:22,520
(engine revving)
231
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,021
Revenge!
232
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:28,067
♪♪
233
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:29,902
I’m gonna get my revenge,
234
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,737
and if I get caught,
I’m pinning it on the baby
235
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,364
like the time
I shot Mr. Burns.
236
00:09:33,447 --> 00:09:34,240
Dad, wait.
237
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,909
I’ve got a story
about why revenge is wrong.
238
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,494
Is it The Count
of Monte Cristo?
239
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,037
’Cause I love
that story.
240
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,581
-No.
-Oh!
241
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:44,292
I call it
Revenge of the Geeks.
242
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:46,377
(collegiate music plays)
243
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,463
(high-pitched groan)
244
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,215
(grunts)
245
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,467
I’m so sick
of those bullies.
246
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,012
We got to figure out
some way to stop ’em.
247
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,597
Perhaps we could tell
the principal.
248
00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,973
Tell me what?
249
00:09:59,056 --> 00:10:00,433
(crickets chirping)
250
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,936
(mysterious music)
251
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,814
Behold the Get-back-inator.
252
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,065
(dramatic sting)
253
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,526
We’re gonna beat those bullies
with a glove?
254
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,362
This is far more
than a mere glove.
255
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,656
This is the turning point
in the eternal battle
256
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,491
of brain v. brawn.
257
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:21,621
All it requires is
a small amount of coordination.
258
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,748
(groaning)
259
00:10:23,831 --> 00:10:25,124
I can handle the glove.
260
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,044
I took juggling at camp.
261
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,211
-Wow!
-Ah!
262
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,884
Good morning, dinguses.
263
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,428
What are you doing,
touching each other’s butts?
264
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,306
Oh, you are so dead
you’re alive.
265
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,230
(grunts)
266
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,649
What is
this place?
267
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,570
Ah, what
a pleasant surprise.
268
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,448
It seems that now
the shoe is on the other...
269
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:59,492
Revenge!
270
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:01,077
(whirring)
271
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,745
(groaning)
272
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:03,829
(sizzling)
273
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,790
(whirring)
274
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,917
(high-pitched groaning)
275
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,960
My fun bags!
276
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,004
Please, have mercy!
277
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,340
I always thought
you were the coolest dork.
278
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,341
(sizzling)
279
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,259
(clicking)
280
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,809
(whirring and pulsing)
281
00:11:24,892 --> 00:11:26,852
ROBOTIC VOICE:
Stop hitting yourself.
282
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,479
Stop hitting yourself.
283
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:29,980
-(grunting)
-Stop hitting yourself.
284
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,482
Why are you
hitting yourself?
285
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,484
(laughter and chattering)
286
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,569
♪♪
287
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:39,031
Milhouse, thanks to you,
the nerds can breathe easy.
288
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,575
Except the ones with asthma,
which is all of them.
289
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,828
But still,
it’s great.
290
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:48,165
Yup, having a weapon at school
has really made things awesome.
291
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,166
Ow!
292
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,418
(stifled giggles)
293
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,544
Pardon my
birdie.
294
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,671
I misjudged
the prevailing winds.
295
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:56,549
You embarrassed me
in front of Lisa!
296
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,633
(whirring)
297
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:01,470
(goofy groaning)
298
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,890
(laughing maniacally)
299
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,268
Milhouse, what’s
gotten into you?
300
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,854
Over the years,
a lot of people have hurt me.
301
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:12,648
Good thing
I kept this list.
302
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,067
(laughing)
303
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,695
Oh, no, you’ve already
got your revenge!
304
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:20,364
You wouldn’t give me
Chinese cuts in the lunch line.
305
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,365
(whirring)
306
00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,118
You laughed when I threw up
on the glass-blowing tour.
307
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,369
(whirring)
308
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,579
Girls like you better.
309
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,413
(whirring)
310
00:12:27,496 --> 00:12:28,914
Your parents
are married!
311
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,250
(whirring)
312
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,293
Ay caramba!
313
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,919
(whirring)
314
00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:37,131
That’s the only line I get
in your stupid story?!
315
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,799
There are no small parts,
just small actors.
316
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,009
(laughs)
317
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,012
(whirring)
318
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,264
This is my first day
at this school.
319
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:46,724
I haven’t done
anything to you!
320
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:47,641
You will.
321
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,643
This is prevenge.
322
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,021
(whirring)
323
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:55,566
(groaning)
324
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:57,276
Why, look,
it’s Milhouse.
325
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,236
What’s the
power glove for?
326
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,948
Opening the cap on
your weirdo pills?
327
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,450
(whirring)
328
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:06,285
(grunts)
329
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,953
Willie, clean up
this mess.
330
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,413
All right.
331
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,207
(slurping)
332
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,544
Milhouse,
don’t you see?
333
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,379
You’re addicted
to revenge.
334
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:20,341
You’ll learn to love it
when you’re my queen.
335
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,217
I see.
336
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,718
(nervous chuckle)
337
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,304
While it would be an honor
to be your queen...
338
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,139
Go on.
339
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,184
...I feel it would be best
if we just stay friends.
340
00:13:30,267 --> 00:13:33,479
Nobody spares
my feelings!
341
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,438
(tense music)
342
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,857
(grunting)
343
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,317
I can’t do it.
344
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,653
I can’t hurt
you, Lisa.
345
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,825
(Milhouse gasps)
346
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,785
Ha-ha! You
forgot about me
347
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:48,911
’cause I had the mumps.
348
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:49,912
(whirring)
349
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,081
(goofy groaning)
350
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,918
(pulsating whirring)
351
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,088
Wow!
352
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,590
That had what I really
like in a story:
353
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,592
an ending.
354
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,136
The point, Dad,
is that when you take revenge,
355
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:09,473
you become just as bad
as the person you harm.
356
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,725
No, sweetie,
the lesson is:
357
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,770
never put down
your weapon.
358
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:17,648
Revenge!
359
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,779
Look at that view.
360
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,865
It reminds me
of how insignificant
361
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,533
we are in the world.
362
00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:30,119
Yeehaw!
363
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:31,871
This is it.
364
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,414
It’s taken all day.
365
00:14:33,497 --> 00:14:35,124
We’ve missed our flight
to Hawaii,
366
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:39,336
but finally
I’ll get my revenge.
367
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,212
Dad, wait!
368
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,881
You haven’t
heard my story.
369
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:42,715
You?
370
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:45,551
You’re too dumb
to tell a story.
371
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:48,012
No, seriously,
you’re great.
372
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,222
Let’s hear it.
Oh, geez.
373
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,932
My story takes place
374
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,476
in a time I call the past.
375
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:58,397
♪ ♪
376
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,623
Ugh, that stunk worse
than boiled cabbage.
377
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:16,999
You should
feel lucky.
378
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,001
Not many boys have
parents who can afford
379
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,961
to take them to the
opera every night.
380
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:23,213
Parents who
are still alive,
381
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,256
I might add.
382
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,969
Hmm, well, this alley
looks dangerous.
383
00:15:29,053 --> 00:15:30,262
I better turn
my ring around.
384
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:32,890
Oh, boy.
385
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:38,103
Hand over your wallet.
386
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,022
You don’t frighten me!
387
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,024
Or my wife!
388
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,609
Or my...
389
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:45,152
Shut up.
390
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:52,368
Avenge me.
391
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:56,288
In flamboyant,
impractical fashion.
392
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,459
♪♪
393
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:09,760
(somber music)
394
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,471
I want to avenge you,
but I don’t know how.
395
00:16:12,554 --> 00:16:14,014
With my help.
396
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:14,890
Grandpa?
397
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,058
In my younger days,
398
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,519
I was an ace
crime fighter.
399
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,479
The "Crimson Cockatoo."
400
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,856
(laughing)
401
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,360
Now let’s get you in shape
in an old-timey way.
402
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,030
(20's jazz music playing)
403
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,336
Holy Hannah!
404
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,964
I’ve got more muscles
than a New England Clam Bank.
405
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,049
Now all I need
is a superhero name.
406
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,011
You can be
the Crimson Cockaboy.
407
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,345
Hmm?
408
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:54,722
I’ll keep thinking.
409
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:56,724
(exciting orchestral music)
410
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,143
(gun clicks)
411
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,352
Help! Somebody help!
412
00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,522
That thief stole all
my Heralds, Tribunes,
and Herald-Tribunes.
413
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,568
A k-k-k-kid!
414
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:10,696
I’m Bart-Man.
(grunts)
415
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:12,406
-(yelling)
-(sizzling)
416
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,826
Thank you,
masked vigilante.
417
00:17:15,909 --> 00:17:18,495
Your overzealous homicide
has saved me 80 cents.
418
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,998
Now, if you’re not going to buy
anything, please move along.
419
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,005
Tonight, the Springfield...
420
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,798
I mean Gotham underworld
is trembling
421
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,092
while solid citizens sleep
snug as a bug.
422
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,303
Why? Because Bart-Man
is knocking down bad guys
423
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:36,555
like Howard Hughes
knocks up young starlets!
424
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:37,389
Bad guys like
425
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:39,475
The Toker...
426
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,434
D'oh!
427
00:17:40,517 --> 00:17:41,935
The Diddler...
428
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,145
(groans)
429
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,021
Mr. Mole...
430
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,355
-(grunts)
-Oh!
431
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:46,899
Sugar and Spice.
432
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,817
BOTH: Oh!
433
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,486
And Poison Lenny.
434
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,071
Oh!
435
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,033
No snake tattoo.
436
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,076
(groaning)
437
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,953
When will I find the man
who murdered my parents?
438
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,205
When?
439
00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,206
(speaker):
Attention, Bart-Man.
440
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,415
This is The Serpent,
441
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,375
saying "fangs a lot"
442
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,294
for getting rid
of the competish.
443
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,338
More stuff
for me to steal!
444
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,756
Ha-ha!
445
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:13,217
No villain is safe from me,
Serpent!
446
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,969
But I’m not a villain.
I’m a transvestite.
447
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,638
Explain that
to your maker.
448
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:21,475
(sizzling)
449
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:22,768
I’ll take it from here,
Bart-Man.
450
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,812
(gun shots)
451
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,272
(mysterious music)
452
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,608
(people chattering)
453
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:37,241
No sign of
the Serpent, Chief.
454
00:18:37,324 --> 00:18:40,410
Everything’s work
with you. Lighten up.
455
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,162
(snake charmer music playing)
456
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:46,708
That music--
it’s so hypnotic.
457
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,545
My bone has
a mind of its own.
458
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:56,593
I’ll be snaking those jewels
and venom gotta go.
459
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,929
Sorry I didn’t asp
your permission.
460
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,098
Hope that’s cobracetic.
461
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:03,225
Hey, jerk,
puns are lazy writing.
462
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,893
D’oh!
463
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:07,146
Huh?
464
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,314
(glass shattering)
465
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,441
Party’s over, Serpent!
466
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,861
No kidding because
you’re standing in the dip.
467
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:18,448
(gasping)
468
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:19,908
(guns clicking)
469
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:28,125
(dramatic orchestral music)
470
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:29,418
You!
471
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,752
You’re the man
who killed my parents!
472
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,132
Oh! Ahh! Ooh.
473
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:39,845
I did it.
I finally got my revenge.
474
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,471
But it didn’t bring
your parents back.
475
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,557
Tell me, big boy,
was it really worth it?
476
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,767
Well, I do feel
a little better.
477
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,311
Plus, I got
zillions of dollars
478
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:50,022
and no parents to
tell me what to do.
479
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,774
Bart-Man, don’t you
want to join us?
480
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,818
Don’t talk to me
when I’m vibrating.
481
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:58,780
So you see,
revenge is great,
482
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,824
and there’s three ways
to talk about it.
483
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:04,077
Although two of the ways
were kind of the same way,
484
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:06,246
and even the third one
might have worked better
485
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,664
as a Halloween story.
486
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,333
(laughing):
That’s okay, boy.
487
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,251
The two of us
got to talking.
488
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:14,171
Yeah, turns out we have
a lot in common.
489
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:17,257
We’re both
from Connecticut.
490
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,384
Look at all them stars.
491
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,262
How many do you
think there are?
492
00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:23,096
Two.
493
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,097
What the...
494
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,516
Two? You think
there are two...
495
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,976
Well, I never.
496
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,312
How could you...?
497
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,689
Why do you think
it is that mankind
498
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,442
is so inclined towards
hating one another?
499
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,110
I don’t know.
500
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:40,280
Let’s just lay here
till we figure it out.
501
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:44,868
(dramatic, solemn
orchestral music)
502
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:11,436
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
503
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,104
Shh!
504
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,026
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem