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00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:06,381
CHOIR:
♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:19,477
(bell rings)
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(whistle blows)
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00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,331
(playing the blues)
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00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:44,919
(screams)
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(tires screeching)
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(machine whirs)
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(screaming)
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00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,349
(groaning)
10
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,480
(squeaking)
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00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:21,998
Bart, can we go
to Banana Republic?
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00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,501
There’s a mannequin there
I have a crush on.
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00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:28,546
Milhouse, that is the most
pathetic thing I ever...
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00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,173
Oh, my God.
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00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:32,759
She’s beautiful.
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-Bullies!
-(humming)
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{\an8}Wait. They’re employees.
18
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{\an8}They have to be nice
to us. Let’s go.
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{\an8}Oh, shoe-boy?
20
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{\an8}I’m looking for something
21
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:48,900
{\an8}in a cross-trainer.
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{\an8}What size do I smell like?
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{\an8}You’re dead, Simpson.
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{\an8}Dude, don’t lose it
in the workplace.
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{\an8}We’re already on thin ice
with Mr. Freedman.
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{\an8}The shoe size calibrator
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00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:03,289
{\an8}is for measuring feet
and nothing else.
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00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,500
{\an8}Yes, Mr. Freedman.
I’m sorry, Mr. Freedman.
29
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:08,211
{\an8}That tie really brings out
your eyes, Mr. Freedman.
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00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,547
You’re lacing it wrong.
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00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,633
{\an8}I want it overy-undery,
not undery-overy.
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Re-lace them all.
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00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:16,344
(cries out)
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MR. FREEDMAN:
Attention part-time
sales representatives.
35
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,687
{\an8}I’m leaving this job to work
at Jolly Tamale
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{\an8}because the hours are better
and my mom’s really sick.
37
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{\an8}When you leave,
what happens to your rule
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{\an8}about not whaling on customers?
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That rule leaves with me.
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-(gulp)
-(gulp)
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00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,707
(laughing)
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Idle teens at 1:00.
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Intercepting
in three, two.
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{\an8}’Sup, guys?
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00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,047
{\an8}Heard the new rap CD?
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{\an8}Yo, I don’t know
what I dig more,
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{\an8}hip-hop, krunk,
or serving my country.
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{\an8}Are you guys hitting on us?
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00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:01,181
{\an8}No, man, we just want
to talk to you
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00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,682
{\an8}about something near
and dear to us.
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{\an8}What? Being gay?
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{\an8}Close. The Army.
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{\an8}Because of exciting
current events,
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{\an8}the Army needs new members.
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{\an8}New members who want
to earn money for college,
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00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:13,651
{\an8}and see a part of the world
that tourists never go to.
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{\an8}Doesn’t the Army have to fight
in wars?
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{\an8}(chuckling)
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{\an8}Not wars,
global struggles.
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{\an8}You guys like globes?
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{\an8}Let’s go, dudes.
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(grunting)
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{\an8}Damn it.
Even the dumbest teenagers
in the dumbest town
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{\an8}in the dumbest state know
better than to join the Army.
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{\an8}Well, we’ll just have
to go younger.
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What’s this assembly for?
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00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,135
A surprise
Doodlebops concert?
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Standardized tests, standardized
tests, standardized tests.
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00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,682
How many of you
like video games?
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(kids cheering)
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00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:49,103
Well, what if there was
a violent video game
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that you could play for free,
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plus it’s real life
and not a game at all?
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Wouldn’t that be slammin’?
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Who are these wonderful people?
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Now we brought
along a movie.
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Do you guys know
where we can find
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00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,241
some awesome kids
to show it to?
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00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,825
Dearborn, Michigan?
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00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:03,826
No, here.
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00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:04,911
You got it.
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♪♪
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I’m imagining
that knight is me.
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(beeping)
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(beeping)
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(beeping)
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(beeping)
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(beeping)
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KIDS: Ooh.
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(crowd cheering)
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(rock music playing)
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(cheering)
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ANNOUNCER (over speaker):
The Army. It’s everything you
like.
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KIDS: Ah.
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Now you can’t legally join
the army until you’re 18,
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00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:08,766
but if you pre-enlist now,
we will save you a spot
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00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,311
in America’s next
unresolvable conflict.
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00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,855
(cheering)
99
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,857
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
100
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(chuckles)
101
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(chuckles)
Listen to those
half-pencils scribble.
102
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,740
Thanks for fitting us in,
Sergeant Skinner.
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00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,034
Well, I’d do anything
for my beloved Army.
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00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,618
Well, how about
re-enlisting?
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How about you bite me?
106
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,539
Great news, Ma.
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I agreed to join the army
when I turn 18.
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What? Homer!
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Our son joined the Army.
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Eh, big deal,
by the time Bart’s 18,
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we’re going to control
the world.
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We’re China, right?
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Now listen, Bub.
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You go down to those recruiters
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and tell them Bart is too young
for the Army.
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I don’t want this to be
the only memory I have of him.
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How come I can’t join the army,
but Lisa gets to be in PETA?
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I think she just answers
their phone.
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Hey.
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(laughs)
121
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Uh...
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Fur is murder!
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When’s the Krusty
movie coming out?
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Whoa. Uh, hey.
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No, you can’t.
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Uh, this one’s ruined.
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Give me the backup.
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Now the babies.
129
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And the monkey-head mittens.
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Yeah, I’m a real class act.
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Okay, Mr. Simpson,
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we’ll tear up
your son’s contract.
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Sorry, guys.
134
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You know, his mother’s the one
who made me come down here.
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00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,862
Sounds, uh, like
you’re kind of tired
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of being bossed
around at home.
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Go on.
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00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,866
Would you be
interested in, um...
139
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,702
well, I don’t know,
joining the Army?
140
00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:54,872
Wouldn’t that take me away from
my family for two whole years?
141
00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:58,334
Hey, a big target like you will
be home a lot sooner than that.
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Whoo-hoo! Where do I sign?
143
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Now where’s my parade?
144
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,467
Where’s my parade?
145
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:09,470
We have this issue
of Parade Magazine.
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Ooh, "Who makes what
in America."
147
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,019
Army private:
14,000 a year. D’oh!
148
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,361
Homer, with all the things
you’ve done--
149
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:29,157
go into space, attend
clown college, join the Navy--
150
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,367
I never thought
you’d join the Army.
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00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,618
(car horn honks)
152
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,830
Whoa, even the Army
has Humvees now.
153
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:41,752
Homie, don’t do this.
154
00:07:41,836 --> 00:07:44,672
You have a wife and three
young children at home.
155
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:46,466
I have to, Marge.
156
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:49,427
Who else is gonna keep oil under
a hundred dollars a barrel?
157
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,345
You? Don’t make me laugh.
158
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:52,263
(laughing)
159
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,600
You couldn’t...
160
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,435
Aw, oh, oh, don’t, no.
161
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(baby talking):
Daddy’s just teasing.
162
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Of course you could.
163
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,607
You could keep it
under a hundred.
164
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,192
Yes, you could.
165
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:06,194
(whispering):
No, she couldn’t.
166
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,995
Attention!
167
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,664
(shouting):
Ordinarily, I would
spend the next two hours
168
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,208
questioning your sexuality,
169
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,460
running down your hometowns,
170
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:25,046
and telling you to drop and
give me various numbers.
171
00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:27,340
Are you gonna ask us
our major malfunctions?
172
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,509
’Cause mine is
I care too much.
173
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:33,804
Unfortunately, the demand for
troops has never been higher,
174
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,890
so we’ve got to speed things up.
175
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:38,267
While you’ve been standing here,
your hair’s been cut,
176
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,685
and your clothes
have been replaced
177
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,479
with army fatigues.
178
00:08:41,562 --> 00:08:43,147
♪ Step by step ♪
179
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:44,982
♪ Heart to heart ♪
180
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,484
♪ Left, right, left ♪
181
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,070
♪ We all fall down ♪
182
00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:51,489
Here’s your nicknames:
Brooklyn, Hollywood,
183
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,741
Kissimmee-St. Cloud, Florida,
Maverick,
184
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:56,786
Blanket Hog, Newman’s Own,
Master of Suspense,
185
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,038
England’s Rose,
Nickname Pending,
186
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:01,290
Bram Stoker’s Dracula,
and Snowflake.
187
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,792
"Snowflake?"
188
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,293
What happens to me
in the summer?
189
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,962
A troublemaker, huh?!
190
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,964
You’re gonna sit here
and eat donuts,
191
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,424
while the rest of the unit
does push-ups!
192
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,301
(men grumbling)
193
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,470
(grunting)
194
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:17,932
I don’t understand.
195
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,601
How does punishing them
teach me a lesson?
196
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:23,729
Just for that, they’ll do
the push-ups one-handed,
197
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,648
while you eat
Alaskan King salmon
198
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,817
and I give you
a foot rub!
199
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,944
(chanting):
♪ I like rubbing
people’s feet ♪
200
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:31,737
♪ Corns and bunions
are a treat ♪
201
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,781
♪ I can give
massage real well ♪
202
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,658
♪ If you know why,
don’t ask, don’t tell. ♪
203
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,913
Congratulations, you have all
completed basic training.
204
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,291
Our base commander will now
give you your assignments.
205
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,792
Okay, listen up!
206
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:47,044
Man, you’ve got
an awesome voice!
207
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:48,337
Well, thank you.
208
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,006
Can you say,
"Side effects may include
209
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,549
drowsiness and loss
of appetite"?
210
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:54,719
Side effects may include
drowsiness and loss of appetite.
211
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:56,470
Hmm, sounded better in my head.
212
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,098
Now, we’ve graded
your aptitude tests
213
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,435
and assigned you specialties
to match your skills.
214
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:03,769
Frontline infantry.
215
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,187
Frontline infantry.
Frontline infantry.
216
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272
Frontline infantry.
217
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:08,524
I joined to make
recruitment films.
218
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,817
Well, you know
where you’re gonna get
219
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,319
good footage, don’t you?
220
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,320
Ooh, tell me.
221
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,488
Frontline infantry!
222
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,824
{\an8}(crickets chirping)
223
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:19,243
Everyone got an
assignment but us.
224
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,662
I wonder what makes us
so special.
225
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,417
(laughing)
226
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,628
Gentlemen, I’ll be frank.
227
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,881
Never before has the Army
accepted recruits
228
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,925
with test scores
as low as yours.
229
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,927
That’s an odd way
to start handing out medals.
230
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,430
I’m not handing out medals!
231
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,974
But I am gonna give you
a special assignment.
232
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,976
The Army is conducting
war games,
233
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,979
and we want you
to play the enemy.
234
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,105
HOMER:
Don’t you get it?
235
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:52,193
They’re using us as patsies
to make the Army look good.
236
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:54,320
Are we that stupid?
237
00:10:56,697 --> 00:11:00,493
Um, this avocado
just gave me a wedding ring.
238
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,876
So they’re not
shipping you overseas?
239
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:10,086
Nope.
240
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,129
I’m gonna stay here
and let them test
241
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,839
their laser-guided
super weapons on me.
242
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:14,882
Like that one.
243
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,635
(Marge gasps)
244
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:18,803
Don’t worry, Dad.
245
00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:19,887
You’ll do great.
246
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,893
Okay, these are war games,
and I’m head of my team.
247
00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:29,397
I have to think
like a great military leader.
248
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,483
Ah, stay crunchy
in milk.
249
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,402
I will!
250
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,945
Stay crunchy, men.
251
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:39,407
Stay crunchy.
252
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:43,703
This’ll be like shooting cats
off of Grandma’s sofa.
253
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:47,164
Oh, my God, I just remembered.
254
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,417
It’s Chinese New Year!
255
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,876
(whistling, explosion)
256
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,045
Gung hay fat choi!
Gung hay fat choi!
257
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,465
(all groaning)
258
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,634
(screams)
Americans!
259
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:09,270
After them!
260
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,689
Sir, you can’t just
invade an American city
261
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:12,690
without
authorization.
262
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,316
I sure as hell can!
263
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,109
Congress
slipped it
264
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,070
into the National Broccoli Day
Proclamation.
265
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,656
I was wondering why you were
carrying that thing around.
266
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,117
I thought we were gonna have
a day off or something.
267
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,452
Think again.
268
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:26,412
Now, move out!
269
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,498
♪♪
270
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,300
Is this war?
271
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:41,051
No, sir, just
a simulation.
272
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:46,515
Whew, this pain feels so real.
273
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,434
Uh, it is real.
274
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:50,436
Oh. Guess I’d better
do my part.
275
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:54,064
(screams)
276
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,782
Bring it on, chumps!
277
00:13:02,865 --> 00:13:04,784
(whimpering):
Fingers, fingers, fingers.
278
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:10,998
LENNY:
What you doing, Moe?
279
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,458
Drawing a wang
on Marmaduke?
280
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:13,709
Heck, no.
281
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:14,960
I’m challenging myself
282
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,546
with one of these,
uh, Sudoku games.
283
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,672
What, that
Japanese puzzle
284
00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,132
in which no numeral
can be repeated
285
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,343
in a row, column, or box?
286
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:23,886
That’s how it works?
287
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,138
I was just drawing wangs
on the numbers.
288
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,598
(panting)
289
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:30,601
Moe, Moe, you got to hide us
from the Army.
290
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,020
The Salvation Army?
You got it.
291
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,439
Not that Army,
the one from Stripes!
292
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,525
Okay.
293
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:40,402
Thanks, Moe.
294
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:41,987
How can I ever
repay you?
295
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,490
Hey, some things mean
more to me than money.
296
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,618
Like a whole lot
of money.
297
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,829
Why did you just say
that sentence fragment?
298
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,372
Uh, it, uh--
long story.
299
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:52,540
(tires screeching)
300
00:13:57,878 --> 00:13:59,880
War game’s over, losers.
301
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,761
Hey, they’s
using live ammo.
302
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,804
Well, what have we got?
303
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,099
Rise, my pretties.
304
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:12,101
Find our enemies
and capture their image
305
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,102
in your filmy fortress.
306
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,103
(whimpers)
307
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:19,400
I think we ought to
just go up there
and surrender.
308
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:21,026
I’m not gonna surrender.
309
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,070
You’ve seen what the US Army
does to prisoners.
310
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:25,614
How would you like
to be stacked naked in a pile
311
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,825
with a hillbilly girl
pointing at you and laughing?
312
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,827
That was
our last Christmas card.
313
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,915
Yeah, Marge always
loves your cards.
314
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,168
Well, you may not be
the smartest guys in the Army.
315
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:44,592
COLONEL:
Homer Simpson!
316
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,051
We have captured your unit!
317
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:49,388
We’re telling off-color jokes
and laughing as a group.
318
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,432
Come and join the fun bunch.
319
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,017
(sighs)
320
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,186
I’d give anything
to hear Homer’s voice.
321
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:57,396
(water running,
Homer shrieks)
322
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:59,189
HOMER: "H" means "hot"?!
323
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,190
(gasps)
324
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,736
(chuckles)
325
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:05,654
Stupid Army,
searching for me
326
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,240
with that giant helicopter
in the distance.
327
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,950
(gasps)
It’s not giant
328
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,410
and it’s not
in the distance.
329
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,245
It’s small
and it’s in our room!
330
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,955
(shrieks)
Predator drone!
331
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,332
(whimpering)
332
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,919
♪♪
333
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:32,306
(brakes screeching)
334
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,405
(birds chirping)
335
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,924
♪♪
336
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,908
This means war.
337
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,451
I thought
it was already war.
338
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,245
I hate you.
339
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:39,248
Attention, Springfield!
340
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:44,420
We are rounding up and detaining
all men who are fat or bald,
341
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,549
or have ever been amused
by the antics of Homer Simpson.
342
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:50,759
Excuse me.
I don’t belong here.
343
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,136
I am not bald.
344
00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,470
I am balding!
345
00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:56,306
Ugh, why will no one
honor the "ding"?
346
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,058
I honor the "ding,"
sir.
347
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,393
The hell are you
talking about?
348
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:04,189
Sir, maybe we should
just quit.
349
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,735
This operation has cost
over $50 million since lunch.
350
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:11,071
US government policy
is very clear.
351
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,072
Never back down.
352
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,699
Never admit a mistake.
353
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:16,493
That’s why we’ve won
over half the wars we’ve fought.
354
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,122
(sighs)
355
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:24,001
Mom, we’ve got to stop them
from pacifying our town.
356
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,252
Don’t worry.
357
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:26,295
I have
a secret weapon--
358
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,589
one more deadly
than any gun.
359
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:31,091
-Lisa’s face?
-A phone tree.
360
00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:32,342
Huh?
361
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,677
Well, you’d
better hurry.
362
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,179
I don’t think Dad
can last much longer
363
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,180
where he’s hiding.
364
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,806
(coughing)
365
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,309
Dorothy’s daughter comes
every Sunday
366
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,853
and brings all kinds
of wonderful soups.
367
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:43,854
(annoyed):
Oh...
368
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,315
And Melvin’s son
brings a banjo.
369
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:49,234
And he works our names
into his songs.
370
00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:50,486
(anguished):
Oh...!
371
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,198
Hello, Helen?
372
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:57,159
I’m calling about the recent
destruction of our town.
373
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,954
Well, I have a little plan
to fix their wagon.
374
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,165
(telephones ringing)
375
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:04,124
-Hello.
-Hello.
376
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:04,958
Hello.
377
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:09,254
-Hello.
-Hello.
378
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,131
Yes, Nelson,
of course I’ll help.
379
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,758
And a haw-haw to you.
380
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,218
So that’s the plan.
381
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:17,679
We’re meeting
at the reservoir at 8:00 p.m.
382
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,556
I flushed a potato
down the toilet.
383
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,809
Now we have to
live in a hotel.
384
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:22,810
Terrific.
385
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:23,852
Now call
Lindsay Naegle.
386
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,236
Marge, why did you
have us bring our liquor
387
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,113
to the reservoir?
388
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,199
We’re going to dump it in
the water to get the Army drunk.
389
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:38,158
Wow, uh...
390
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,245
this’ll be the first time
I ever watered down my booze.
391
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:42,371
(laughs nervously)
392
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,456
Moe, why are your
eyes darting back
and forth so much?
393
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,749
Oh, I-I’m just thinking
394
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,293
about a-a great tennis
match I saw once, yeah.
395
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,796
Uh, uh, now I’m thinking
about ping-pong.
396
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:53,549
A... ver-very fast chess game.
397
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,968
A... snappy David Mamet play.
398
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,017
What the hell...
happened to us?
399
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:05,561
I’ll tell you
what happened to us.
400
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,522
Y-You used to be cool and
then you got promoted.
401
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:10,607
I’m still cool.
402
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:11,608
Oh, really?
403
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,318
When’s the last time
we took the tank
404
00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:15,112
and went down to
Hansen’s Point?
405
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:16,446
Just the two of us?
406
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:19,241
All right, all right,
here’s the plan.
407
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,577
We’re gonna take
a li-little nap,
408
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,955
and then we’re gonna wake up
fresh as daisies.
409
00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:27,958
(snores)
410
00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:34,006
Colonel, we’re here to discuss
the terms of your surrender.
411
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,090
Surrender?
412
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,717
Never.
413
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,137
Hmm, let’s see what
your hangover has to say.
414
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,138
(blows horn)
415
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,973
Great Cheney’s Ghost!
416
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,516
You win.
417
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,893
Colonel, I hope
you’ve learned
418
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,519
that an occupying
foreign force
419
00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:50,272
can never defeat
a determined local populace.
420
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,816
Among the many things
we learned in Vietnam...
421
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:53,692
Horn, please.
422
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:54,735
(blows horn)
423
00:19:57,821 --> 00:20:00,574
Simpson, you may have won,
but you still have to serve
424
00:20:00,657 --> 00:20:02,993
the remainder of
your tour of duty.
425
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,204
All right,
but no combat.
426
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:06,705
Don’t you
worry, ma’am.
427
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,999
A man of your
husband’s ingenuity
428
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:11,251
can be put to
very good use.
429
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:15,505
Dudes.
430
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,882
Want to make
some extra spending money?
431
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,342
Get a free pair of boots?
432
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:21,345
Hey, baby,
you like obstacle courses?
433
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,346
Thinking it over, huh?
434
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,306
I’m cool with that.
435
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,683
Hey, pal, like the way
you handle that mop.
436
00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:27,684
You like killing?
437
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,478
Hey, ladies.
438
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:32,022
Are you tired of waiting
for sanctions to work?
439
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:34,233
I know I am.
440
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,068
{\an8}COLONEL:
Frontline infantry.
441
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,612
{\an8}Absolutely frontline infantry.
442
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:39,696
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
443
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,406
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
444
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,491
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
445
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:43,575
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
446
00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:44,660
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
447
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:45,744
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
448
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:46,745
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
449
00:20:46,828 --> 00:20:47,913
{\an8}Coast Guard!
450
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,165
{\an8}Where do they find
these people?
451
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,166
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
452
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,459
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
453
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:53,543
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
454
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,628
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
455
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:55,712
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
456
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:56,797
{\an8}Lord...
457
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:57,923
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
458
00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,007
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
459
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,092
{\an8}Navy.
460
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:01,176
{\an8}Have a seat.
461
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,261
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
462
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:03,220
{\an8}Where did you come...
463
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,347
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
464
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,432
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
465
00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:09,685
{\an8}Frontline infantry
was made for you.
466
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:10,769
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
467
00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:11,937
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
468
00:21:12,020 --> 00:21:13,397
{\an8}Lowest test score.
469
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,815
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
470
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:16,817
{\an8}You make me sick.
471
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,902
{\an8}Frontline infantry.
472
00:21:19,903 --> 00:21:20,654
Shh!
473
00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:22,739
{\an8}Captioned by VISUAL DATA
474
00:21:23,907 --> 00:21:25,909
{\an8}Enhanced by Fotokem