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The Simpsons.

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Children, your gym teacher,
Ms. Pommelhorst,

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has a brief announcement.

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00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,711
This is very
emotional for me.

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I am taking
a leave of absence.

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I will return in the fall
as Mr. Pommelhorst,

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00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,012
your new shop teacher.

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00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:53,722
We're telling you children now so
you can adjust and not make jokes.

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00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:56,523
Looks like there'll be some
new wood in shop class.

10
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:59,147
Precisely the type of wordplay
I seek to discourage.

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"New wood."

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Now please welcome your new
gym teacher, Coach Krupt.

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Today we're gonna
play a game

14
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that's as old
as pain itself.

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Bombardment.

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I'm intrigued.
What are the rules?

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Duck or die!

18
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Bombardment!
Deal with it!

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Bombardment!
Life's a bitch, son.

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Bombardment!
Bombardment! Walk it off!

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Bombardment! Bombardment!

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No!

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I caught it! I'm safe!

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Son, are you okay?

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I guess.

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Bombardment!

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Oh, sweetie, if someone's bullying
you, you should tell your teacher.

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But it's the teacher
who's bullying me.

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Well, tell your regular bully.
He won't like it one bit.

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Marge, I ripped my pants.

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The only pants that
understand my complex hiney.

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That was your last pair!
How did it happen?

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Uh, normal wear and tear.

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Ow! My ass!

35
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Sir, your go-cart's damaged!

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I paid for 50 laps.
And I'm gonna take them!

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Oh, I'll have to go to every
store in the Pants District

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to find another
pair like these.

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Aw, Homie.

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Kiss rubber, loser!

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Hey! You cry like a
little girl, Amy!

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Ahh!
Oh, come on now!

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Those were just baby teeth!

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Oh, how much longer
can this go on?

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I see you like reading.
How do you like Bombardment?

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Bombardment! Bombardment!

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"Bombardment! Bombardment!

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"How do you like
Bombardment?"

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Well, I'll show him!

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Time for the bombarded
to become the bombardier.

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Why'd I put this in here?

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My saxophone!

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Oh, yeah. That's why.

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You jerk! I'm telling Morn!

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Van Houten!
Here, sir.

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00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,865
But my doctor says
no more Bombardment.

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Well, here's a second opinion.

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Muntz! Do your worst! I'm drunk!

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Well, welcome to AA.
Always Attacking!

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Simpson!

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Simpson!

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Here.

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Bart's got an ice ball!

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What is your major
malfunction, Simpson?

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You will defrost, drain,
and surrender that ball!

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And then I will use it to bombard you!
Bombardment!

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Kid power!

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Me shack! It's ruined!

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Ye red rubber home-wrecker!

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Listen. I'm real sorry
I busted your shack.

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Let me make it up to you.

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I know a ravine where
there's a rusted-out car.

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Don't be tantalizing me
with tales

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of ravines
and rusted-out cars.

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I'll only be getting me heart broke.

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That's my mom. I gotta go. I
finished nailing this board.

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Oh, yeah.
You're outta nails.

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Poor Willie.

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Would you like to spend
the night with us?

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I don't need your charity, not as
long as I've got a pan over me head.

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That's not a pan.
That's a colander.

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Oh, so that's where
all my soup went.

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Thanks for taking
me in, Missus.

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Please accept this
in return.

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It's my most
prized possession.

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It's a sculpture made of
children's lost retainers.

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It's lovely!

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I like this part in here.
The way it, um, goes.

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Willie, I hope I'm not
being too personal.

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00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,496
But you seem resigned to
a life of abject squalor.

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My family's used to it.

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Me grandfather used to get
sent down into the mines

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to make sure it was
safe for the canaries.

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Don't you ever hope
for anything better?

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Something better?
For Willie?

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All I want is
a place somewhere.

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And?
That's it.

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Maybe you could aim
a little higher.

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Well, let's see.

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Oh, to have me shack rebuilt.

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Get my rotten
teeth all drilled.

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Something on
underneath me kilt.

103
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Oh, wouldn't it be adequate.

104
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Matching shoes
for both me feet.

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Dining on untainted meat.

106
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A toilet what
still has its seat.

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Oh, wouldn't it be adequate.

108
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Adequate.

109
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Adequate.

110
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Wouldn't it be adequate.

111
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You're right, Lisa.
I do want to better me lot.

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To live like a normal...

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Hey, that's great.
Goodnight.

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Bart, Willie could
have a better life

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if only someone
showed him how.

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I bet I could turn him
into a proper gentleman,

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and I will do it in time
for the school science fair.

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You're on, Lise.

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I think you'll find that deep
down anyone can be civilized.

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Goodnight, Willie.

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Goodnight.

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Willie,
in the next few weeks,

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I'll be teaching you poise,
pronunciation, and posture.

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Let's see you stand up
as straight as you can.

125
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Well, there's a first time
for everything.

126
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Ugh! I'm too far
off the ground!

127
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Lisa, come up here
and help me down!

128
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So how am I doing?

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Mr. Simpson,
I appreciate how much

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you love our
big blue trousers,

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but I'm afraid we just
don't make them anymore.

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Sales plummeted after
our disastrous Super Bowl ad.

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Big blue pants.

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When you no longer care if
you're attractive to women.

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Mr. Stern, would you make those
glorious blue pants again

136
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if I whipped up
public interest for them?

137
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,014
Of course. But how?

138
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Do an advertising campaign
so fresh and exciting

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I haven't even
thought of it yet!

140
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,895
Well, what have I
got to lose

141
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besides the factory that's been
in my family for generations?

142
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How long is this
commercial anyway?

143
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I don't know. I've never
made it to the end.

144
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Okay. How do you
address an archbishop?

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I'll kill ya! I'll kill ya
for what you've done to me!

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Lisa, you're a sweet lass.
But it's hopeless.

147
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Like my dad told me.

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You'll never amount to anything!

149
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You were born trash!

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And you'll be lucky if you
grow up to be garbage!

151
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Would you like
to cut the cord?

152
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Let him cut it himself.

153
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It's time he learned
life ain't one big party.

154
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That was the last
time we really talked.

155
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,072
What the hell are
they doing in there?

156
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Lisa bet Bart
she can turn Willie

157
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into a proper gentleman.

158
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That's as unlikely as Kearney going
around the world in 80 days.

159
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,623
Eighty days?

160
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Ample time to circumnavigate
the globe, booger breath.

161
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You, sir, have a wager.

162
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I shall hold the money.

163
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To Istanbul!

164
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Wrong way, dingus!

165
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Oh, yeah.

166
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,602
Homie?
What's that?

167
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,766
On the back of your head.

168
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,069
It's called
"headvertising."

169
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,899
It creates brand awareness without
relying on traditional media.

170
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,325
Well, it creeps me out.

171
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,697
Wow.

172
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,996
It glows in the dark.
It's not supposed to.

173
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,624
All right. Let's just
try one more lesson.

174
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Repeat after me.

175
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:06,291
"What flows from the nose
does not go on the clothes."

176
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:10,592
"What flows from me nose..."

177
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,469
It's no use!

178
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:18,850
I'm not very cultured. I
don't even have a last name!

179
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,680
Care to concede that bet?

180
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,357
No. Come on, Willie.
I believe in you!

181
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,320
"What flows from the nose

182
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:34,028
"does not go on my clothes."

183
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,953
Say it again!

184
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,287
What flows from the nose

185
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,370
does not go on my clothes

186
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,798
I think he's got it
Oh, yes, he's got it.

187
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,008
What flows from the nose.

188
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:52,257
Does not go on my clothes.

189
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,305
Ahh! A talkin' mirror!

190
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,885
Where is that ghastly flow?

191
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,812
The nose The nose.

192
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:05,267
And where should it not go?

193
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,194
Blue pants! Blue pants!

194
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,646
Dad, get your own song.

195
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,231
Fine.

196
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:15,069
I'm getting
blue pants in the morning.

197
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,654
Ding-dong,
the zipper's gonna shine.

198
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,748
Gee, Homer. If those blue
pants mean that much to you,

199
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,075
they must be the greatest.

200
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,535
I'm getting
two pairs today.

201
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:24,744
I don't get this.

202
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:28,081
This guy paints his noggin and
you guys are ready to buy pants.

203
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,808
Meanwhile, I've been
paying for that billboard

204
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,334
outside for a year now

205
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,839
and it's not yielded nothin'.

206
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,763
You don't have to look at me.

207
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:38,057
You don't have to
look at me.

208
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:41,808
Well, he does have
billboard money.

209
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,763
Talking billboard money.

210
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,357
But he might be
right for my friend.

211
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:03,367
Behold, the first machine that
accurately measures surprise!

212
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:04,701
Really? Huh.

213
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:11,375
Ms. Lisa Simpson.
Master Bart Simpson.

214
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,048
G.K. Willington, Esquire.

215
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:18,382
And Mr. G.K. Willington Esquire.

216
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,980
I have the strangest feeling
I've met him before.

217
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,810
And you may meet him again
as your new father!

218
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,987
Hubba-hubba,
Mommy like!

219
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,111
If you ask me,

220
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,568
the Royal Shakespeare
Company's latest

221
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,780
season was much ado about nothing.

222
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,666
Ha! I get that reference.

223
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:47,995
And you can get me anytime
you want, handsome.

224
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:51,752
I would be delighted to
dine with you on the 12th.

225
00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:58,054
You're a smash, G.K.

226
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:01,633
It feels so sublime.
Lfeel like I...

227
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,344
Could be indoors all night.

228
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,814
Could use a fork and knife.

229
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:13,396
And never soil my suit

230
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:16,732
I could be so polite.

231
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,988
Start not a single fight.

232
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:25,575
And still not
feel like a fruit.

233
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:31,838
How very nice that
There's no lice in my hair.

234
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,123
And my toenails

235
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,552
I don't bite.

236
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:43,808
Now that I've
reached the stage.

237
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,887
Where I'm not full of rage

238
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,846
I could be indoors.

239
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:55,483
Indoors all night.

240
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,072
Ladies and gentlemen,

241
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:05,655
it's time to announce the
winner of the science fair,

242
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,456
though I must
note I'm surprised.

243
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,751
Lisa Simpson didn't enter
a project this year.

244
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:12,249
That's where you're wrong,
Principal Skinner.

245
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,875
I did enter a project.

246
00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:17,050
And it's been in plain sight
the entire evening.

247
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,806
Mr. G.K. Willington
is not who he seems.

248
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,134
In fact, he's someone
you all know quite well.

249
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,264
Is it me?

250
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:30,313
I give you
Groundskeeper Willie!

251
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,776
Well, Mother,
aren't you glad

252
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,650
you didn't get more
intimate with him?

253
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,480
Who said I didn't?

254
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,120
Hmm. Maybe there's room
on my sports wall.

255
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,834
Now you have a friend.

256
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:02,761
Good morning, Lisa.
What's the lesson for today?

257
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:06,341
How to smoke a pipe
while summoning a falcon?

258
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:09,394
Put the kettle on, Featherby.
I'll be home soon.

259
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,563
Willie, there are
no more lessons.

260
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,891
You're a proper gentleman.
My work is done.

261
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,227
But I don't know
what to do with myself.

262
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,529
All I've ever been
is a groundskeeper.

263
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730
And that job's taken.

264
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,316
Skinner dumped it on the next
lowest guy on the totem pole.

265
00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:24,946
Oh, for goodness sakes!

266
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,620
How did I get up here?

267
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:31,453
I think this is the perfect
job for new you, Willie.

268
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,660
It requires
sophistication, tact,

269
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:37,122
and you get to meet
the highest class of people.

270
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:40,208
Good evening, sir.
I'm your maître d'.

271
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,169
Oh, that's the "D" for?
Dimwit?

272
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,175
Laugh. Jerk!

273
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:49,183
Eh, I don't need your
charity titters.

274
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,683
Now say hello to my
girlfriend, Charity Titters.

275
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:54,014
Right this way, ma'am.

276
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,315
Oh. Thank you.

277
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,894
No, not now! Not now! Wait
till we get to the booth.

278
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:13,325
I'm so glad you washed that
stupid logo off your head.

279
00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:17,162
Well, it did itsjob. Everyone's
wearing blue pants now.

280
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,754
I'd like to get into some

281
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,056
blue pants right now.

282
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,816
What are those
doing there?

283
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,644
Earning us 100 bucks
a week, that's what.

284
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,525
Uh, except
the "Maine potatoes" one.

285
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,481
It's just a reminder
to myself.

286
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:53,830
Hey, maître d'!

287
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,074
May I help you, sir?

288
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,784
These rolls are stale!
Bombardment!

289
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,502
Bring me some more!
Bombardment!

290
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,128
And some iced tea for the lady, please.
Bombardment!

291
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,840
I've a fancy suit.

292
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,096
And a clean white shirt.

293
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,645
But I miss the days
when tractor fumes.

294
00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,270
Blew up my skirt

295
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:22,272
I was freezing cold.

296
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,571
And I slept in mold.

297
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:31,494
But I long for
the shack where I lived.

298
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,664
She was true to me.

299
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,834
My old home of wood.

300
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,910
And when I passed out drunk.

301
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:41,291
From turpentine.

302
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,123
She understood.

303
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:47,130
Life was so sublime.

304
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,461
Well, boo-hoo.

305
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:52,970
'Cause I'm hanging ferns.

306
00:18:53,049 --> 00:19:00,024
In the shack where you lived.

307
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:04,193
If I had your voice,
I'd talk-sing everything.

308
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:11,567
So, how you doing, Willie?

309
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:15,906
I'm ebullient! I'm
bubbling with glee! I'm...

310
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:19,751
Bloody miserable!
I miss me crap shack!

311
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,789
Hey, that's my table.
Amscray!

312
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:26,294
Sir, there are
many other tables available.

313
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,298
None that has a view
of the yoga studio.

314
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,469
Yeah, baby.

315
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,263
Greet the sun,
downward dog.

316
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:37,639
Sir, there
is a child present.

317
00:19:37,718 --> 00:19:41,473
Hey, when I'm off the clock,
kids can jump in the lake!

318
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,399
Now get out of my booth,
Duchess of Cornball!

319
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,604
Very well, sir. But my name is
Willie!

320
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:51,567
Now may I show you
the dessert tray?

321
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,777
Dessert tray?
That's a great gag.

322
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,945
Can I use it?

323
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,996
I'm taking it anyway.

324
00:19:58,614 --> 00:19:59,957
It is with great joy

325
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,127
and a sense of "once again everything
is back to where it started,"

326
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,877
that we welcome our once and
future groundskeeper, Willie!

327
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,674
Now let's all enjoy
some punch and cookies!

328
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,379
Willie, you can start
cleaning up now.

329
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,135
With pleasure.

330
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:19,427
Heaven

331
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,228
I'm in heaven.

332
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,183
Willie, please express
yourself through mopping.

333
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,481
All right.

334
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:28,569
And when you're done, here are
the keys to your new shack.

335
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,524
It's just like I remember.

336
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,529
With one little difference.

337
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,872
Oh, you made that for me?

338
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,078
I think I'll need
a moment alone.

339
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,835
I understand.

340
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:54,720
I liked it the way it was!