1 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,083 The Simpsons. 2 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,685 And with time running out, 3 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,081 the Seminoles are on the warpath! 4 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,441 Go, Seminoles! 5 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,081 Cover the point spread! Cover the point spread! 6 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,643 Here's the play that will determine the game. 7 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,722 Stay tuned for "Sitcom Sunday." 8 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,569 Where's the remote? 9 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,210 This is not a drill, people! 10 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,729 Hmm. The TV changes channels 11 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,928 every time the dog barks. 12 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,244 We return to Mel Gibson's "The Salad of the Christ" 13 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,448 on Christian Carrot Theater. 14 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,288 I think he swallowed the remote. 15 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:19,011 Bark for your master. 16 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,288 Lousy American-made dog! 17 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,762 Oh! Why must I be so voluptuous? 18 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,007 Oh. Time to make you pretty! 19 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,851 Oh, yes. A little more color. 20 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,001 How do I look? 21 00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,451 Oh, after my makeover, I'm gonna get you, boy! 22 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,887 Yo, yo, yo. Here now the nizzews. 23 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,811 The top artists of hip-hop are coming to Springfield. 24 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,009 This all-star concert dubbed "Murder 4 Life" features, 25 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,129 Da Glock Pointaz, Romeo Smoov, 26 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:07,841 Queen Booty Shaykah, MC Champagne Millionaire, 27 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:12,050 and Assault "Weapons Magazine's" Man of the Year, Alcatraaaz. 28 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,442 Alcatraaaz is wide-spread! 29 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,760 I'm talkin' da junk! 30 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,322 Just what we need. Another lame suburban kid who loves rap. 31 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:21,010 So? You like the blues. 32 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,765 Yes. But the blues are unpopular. 33 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,086 Man, are you illin'. 34 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,010 Rappers stopped saying "illin" ' 12 years ago. 35 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,531 I'm keepin' it real! 36 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,807 They stopped saying "keepin' it real" three years ago. 37 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,490 Mom, Lisa's dissin' me! 38 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:34,561 Dissin'? 39 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:36,927 Do rappers still say that? Oh! 40 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,245 Dad, can I go to a rap concert? Tickets are $50. 41 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:42,560 Go to hell. Okay. 42 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:43,841 What if I pay for it myself? 43 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:44,921 Fine. Go nuts. 44 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,565 I love you, Dad. 45 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,130 I love you, too, Jerry. 46 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,603 Baggy britches? Loose-laced gym shoes? 47 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,643 Are you going to a rap performance? 48 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,651 Hell, yeah. I'm representin' at Murder 4 Life. 49 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:00,767 Know what I'm sayin'? 50 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,001 All too well. 51 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,560 Rap music belongs in the rubbish bin. 52 00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:09,202 It encourages punching, boastfulness, and rudeness to hos! 53 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,329 Step off, Mom. Rap is the poetry of the streets. 54 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,411 Well, you are not going to any concert that promulgates stink talk. 55 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,646 But Dad already said I could go. 56 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:20,761 Oh, did he? 57 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,808 Homer, you tell your son 58 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,963 a rap show is not a safe place for a 10-year-old. 59 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,771 Son, your mother makes a very loud point. 60 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,962 But you said I could go if I paid for the ticket. 61 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,647 Boy, let me explain the situation in terms you'll understand. 62 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,891 You did it on the straight. 63 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,200 Got your dad's permission. 64 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,602 But your mom dropped a bomb So I flipped my position. 65 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,286 Don't argue with Marge I know what's best. 66 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,443 The only wrap in this crib Keeps sandwiches fresh. 67 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,488 Fresh, fr-fresh for Mommy's baby boy. 68 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,087 Baby boy. Baby boy. Ba-ba-ba-baby boy. 69 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,168 Dad, you completely sold me out. 70 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,164 Well, I paid for this ticket. That makes me an adult. 71 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,810 I'm going. 72 00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,005 I love you, Krusty-wusty. 73 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:30,481 Every miner, forty-niner. 74 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:31,686 And stone cold conniver. 75 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,240 Stakes a claim on my tongue To pan my saliva. 76 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,210 Make the hos drop they clothes Like they Lady Godiva. 77 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,561 Whoa. 78 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,770 Yo, cuz! Put down my mike 'Less you know how to use it. 79 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:51,128 This is old school not preschool So don't Dr. Seuss it. 80 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,122 Don't critique my technique I'm no geek 81 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:05,249 I make the principal nervous My friends can confirm this 82 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,130 I'll bust a spit wad in your epidermis. 83 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,884 Oh, no, he didn't! 84 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,050 You can trace my remorse To its supersized source. 85 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,805 A hungry, hungry hypocrite Named Homer, of course. 86 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,491 My old man's pathetic Damn is his head thick. 87 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,370 The gas from his ass is carcinogenic. 88 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,250 Every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic. 89 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,286 Damn, this ride is pimped out. 90 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:38,161 Yo, downstairs I got a wax museum of famous movie monsters. 91 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,925 Check it out, if you want to get your fright on. 92 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,610 Jeepers! It's 50 Cent. 93 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,371 Yo, B. I heard you throw down on stage. 94 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,851 Wanna join my world tour? 95 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,208 Sorry, Fitty. I have school tomorrow. 96 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,170 You're right. The more you know, the further you go. 97 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,605 And that's one to grow on. 98 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,216 Does that count as community service? 99 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:00,241 No. 100 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,004 All right. Take me to the park. 101 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,136 We'll pick up some dog poop. 102 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,161 Yes, sir! 103 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,406 Here you go, you little yellow cracker. 104 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,450 Now let's go murder our enemies. Peace. 105 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,649 Bart's gone! I checked everywhere! 106 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,723 That little sneak disobeyed us 107 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,802 and went to that hip-hop festival! 108 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:28,925 If that's true, he's gonna be like NWA. 109 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,765 Not Without Ass-welts. 110 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,843 Well, time to face my punishment like a man 111 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,969 or lie my way out of it like a kid! 112 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,846 A flying rock! Call a geologist! 113 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,768 "We have kidnapped your son. 114 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,605 "Follow instructions and Bart will not be harmed." 115 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,047 Follow instructions? He's doomed! 116 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,648 This'll be the worst Thanksgiving dinner ever! 117 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,563 Thanksgiving's not for months! 118 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,371 The bad news keeps on coming! 119 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,121 Tragedy climbed a ladder last night 120 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,409 as 10-year-old Bart Simpson was snatched from his bed, 121 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,610 his chocolate milk dreams cut short by kidnapping fiends. 122 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,768 Mrs. Simpson, is the pain so unbearable 123 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:35,207 you wish your son had never been born? 124 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,331 Ooh! What a horrible thing to say to a mother. 125 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,201 Perhaps reading this message aloud will comfort you. 126 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:48,329 It's win-a-Hawaiian-getaway-week on Channel 6." 127 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,727 So, mail in those pineapple stickers today. 128 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,485 Aloha means one entry per person. 129 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,328 I will find Bart Simpson. Clancy Wiggum is on the case. 130 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,530 Chief, seriously, shouldn't we just plan for the funeral? 131 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,331 Hey, I crack cases all the time. 132 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,084 Like the case of the symphony conductor 133 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:09,605 who murdered his star cellist. 134 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,444 That was an episode of Columbo, Chief. 135 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,960 They show you who the bad guy is at the beginning of each one. 136 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,240 Yeah. But you have to remember. 137 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,729 This is no fun without Bart. 138 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,928 He used to watch me while I did this. 139 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,490 I still do. 140 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:51,850 Bart! Are the kidnappers after you? 141 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,844 Well, some kidnappers might be after me. It's a big world. 142 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,883 But in this case, I faked the whole thing. 143 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,928 Why? Are you mad at me? 144 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,684 No. It's not about you. 145 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,889 Oh. It's never about me! 146 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,883 10-23, you seen anything? 147 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,936 Look, I need a place to hide out until the heat is off. 148 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,566 In my dad's apartment, the heat is always off. 149 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,007 He made a coat out of all my stuffed animals. 150 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:21,890 You can hide out in my room. 151 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,644 My dad won't know because he's at work. 152 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,003 Shoo! Get outta here! 153 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,809 These aren't your soybeans! 154 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:44,163 Wow. I should've read these headlines a long time ago. 155 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,686 Together, they really paint a picture 156 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,250 of failure. 157 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,529 And now my only friend is the bottle. 158 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,807 Rise and shine, Chief Wiggum! 159 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,928 This pity party is over. 160 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,883 What... Officer down! Huh? 161 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,320 Barney Fife! 162 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,449 Y-E-S spells "You got it, buster!" 163 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,204 And I'm here to tell you 164 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,682 the feelings you're having are common for every 165 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:19,966 brother of the badge. 166 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,202 Well, my fat grew over my badge. 167 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,971 Oh, sour mash. 168 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,362 It's time for you to roll up your sleeves and get the ol' 169 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,289 crime sniffer out on the street. 170 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:32,401 You're right. 171 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,721 I gotta buckle down and do some police work. 172 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:39,363 Now that's the can-do attitude that puts dudes in the can. 173 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,124 Well, I'm wanted back on the set. 174 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,131 Set? Are you the character or the actor who plays him? 175 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,887 Now I must go. 176 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,360 Wait a minute. Now you're a ghost? 177 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,723 Avenge me. 178 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,241 Hello? 179 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,163 This is the kidnapper! 180 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,891 Do what I say and Bart won't get hurt. 181 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:06,163 Oh, yeah? Send a finger wrapped in today's paper to prove you have him. 182 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,129 Homer! I know what I'm doing. 183 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,964 You can use any section of the paper, 184 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,730 except Metro. It's a big snooze. 185 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,209 Please give me back my boy. 186 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,966 I just want to tell him I love him one more time. 187 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,843 Mom, it's me. Don't cry. I'm okay. 188 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,002 The kidnappers say if you worry too much, 189 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,201 they'll kill me. 190 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,203 Uh... No, no. I mean... 191 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,243 Okay, you made your point! 192 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,401 Gotta go! 193 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,361 All right, boys. 194 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,647 Let's get this tape back to the lab for analysis. 195 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:42,760 We have a lab? 196 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,087 Yeah. It's that room we keep the Christmas decorations in. 197 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,487 Uh... No, no. I mean... 198 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,008 What is that noise in the background? 199 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,320 Maybe I can isolate it. 200 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,367 I know I've heard that noise before. 201 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,885 Think, Clancy. Think. 202 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,644 Hail falling on a tin roof? 203 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,684 No. That's it! 204 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,524 Stovetop popcorn! 205 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,683 And it sounds like my favorite brand! Chintzy Pop! 206 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:13,641 Eddie, Lou! 207 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,524 We're going to the Kwik-E-Mart! 208 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,449 You already sent us there twice today. 209 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,010 No. That was for snacks. 210 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,526 This time, it's not personal. 211 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:25,289 I need the name of everyone who buys Chintzy Pop popcorn. 212 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:28,569 Oof. Chintzy Pop is the worst legal popcorn. 213 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,529 Many of the kernels are baby teeth. 214 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,843 There are only two idiots cheap enough to buy this crap. 215 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,041 You and... 216 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:36,121 Oh, baby. 217 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,647 Is there anything better than video poker and Chintzy Pop? 218 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,647 Whoa! I'm looking at an inside straight! 219 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,486 Someday I'll hear the winning music. 220 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,607 Someday. 221 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,088 Drop the corn, tighty-whitey! 222 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,650 What? I didn't do anything! 223 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,007 We'll let a judge be the judge of that! 224 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,771 Yo, Chief, we found the kid! 225 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,087 Wow. For once I did everything right. 226 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,241 What's going on? 227 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:05,448 I didn't know he was here! I swear! 228 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,521 Uh, Chief? 229 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,442 Is Milhouse's dad gonna be in trouble? 230 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,005 He's not really a bad guy. 231 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,081 Now, now. 232 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:17,404 There's no need for you to defend your captor, Bratty Hearst. 233 00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,688 We're putting you in a dirty little cell. 234 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,286 Not as small and dirty as this apartment, but you know, 235 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,725 it's still pretty bad. 236 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,646 Oh, Bart, I'm so glad you're okay! 237 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,561 Oh, son! Taking your tombstone back to the store 238 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,246 will be the happiest thing I've ever done. 239 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:42,480 Ay, caramba! 240 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,600 Chief, we're sorry we didn't have faith in you. 241 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:51,769 And I'm sorry I wrote those letters to the editor calling for your ouster. 242 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:53,849 You're "Worried in West Springfield"? 243 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,566 Not anymore, Chief. Not anymore. 244 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,083 Keep those rose petals coming! 245 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,731 I almost stepped on regular ground back there. 246 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:12,849 Bart, two, three, four. 247 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,446 You put my dad in jail, flip, spin, twirl. 248 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,248 Milhouse, if you tell anyone, I'll tell the world 249 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,004 you wet your pants watching Harry Potter. 250 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,606 I wasn't scared. I was just peeing! 251 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,570 Look, if you tell what I did, I'll get in trouble. 252 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,449 You gotta do something! 253 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,284 I want my dad back! 254 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,040 You've got the perfect build for a suit, 255 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,491 44 regular. 256 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,330 56 huge. 257 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,166 Boys, even though I've been made Police Commissioner, 258 00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,605 Don't think I've forgotten you. 259 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,763 Lou, you're promoted to Chief of Police. Sweet. 260 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,848 And Eddie, you're promoted to Lou. 261 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:05,921 Nice. 262 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,365 And, uh, who's gonna be Eddie? 263 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,441 We don't need an Eddie. 264 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,207 Commissioner Wiggum, 265 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,520 I need to confess something. 266 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:14,800 Is it that you're proud of me? 267 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,609 I lied about being kidnapped. 268 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,011 The whole thing was a hoax. 269 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,527 A hoax? A hoax? 270 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,567 Bart, please. You can't take this away from me. 271 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,210 How would I explain it to Ralphie? 272 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,649 That kid can't understand where the world goes when you close the drapes. 273 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,882 But what about Milhouse's dad? 274 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,731 Hey, this is the best thing that ever happened to that loser. 275 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,564 Women love famous felons. 276 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,965 Kirk, you are so dangerous and misunderstood. 277 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,008 You've kidnapped my heart. 278 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,208 I love the way I've heard of you. 279 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:55,047 So Bart, as you can see, from what I just said, 280 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,451 everyone is a winner here. 281 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,769 A shirt from that rap concert. 282 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,769 Bart must've gone to the show. 283 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:12,881 But that means... 284 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,724 Bart was never kidnapped? 285 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,451 Lisa, I'm very glad you brought me this. 286 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,081 I'll see that it gets to the proper authorities. 287 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:22,766 Dad! 288 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,161 Why did you do that? 289 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,721 Hollywood producers have paid me a fortune, 290 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,088 which I've already lost, for the rights to Bart's story. 291 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:34,210 So I have to destroy anything that proves that story's not true. 292 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,122 Why did you burn up your shirt? 293 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,925 What shirt? I don't see any shirt. 294 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,080 Burn the truth. Burn the truth. 295 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,083 So you see, Principal Skinner, that's why I had to come to you. 296 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,442 Wait. Why did your father burn his pants? 297 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:56,681 It doesn't matter. 298 00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,924 The point is only with your help can I expose Bart's lies. 299 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,361 A chance to bring down Bart Simpson, 300 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,363 our school's second most wanted criminal 301 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,965 after the mysterious El Barto. 302 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,126 Sign me up. 303 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,891 Boys, let me tell ya. Now that I'm Commissioner, 304 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,770 the shaves are hotter, the steaks are thicker, 305 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,808 and I got my own private bathroom. 306 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:23,807 So Lou here won't be using my sonic toothbrush on his rotten choppers. 307 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,126 Yeah. 308 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,123 Uh, listen, Commissioner. 309 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,168 Lisa Simpson came by the office today 310 00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,527 asking questions about her brother's kidnapping. 311 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:32,681 Questions? Yes. 312 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,730 As if she were trying to unravel a tapestry of deceit. 313 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,689 All right, people. We got a situation here. 314 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,531 Your daughter's gonna blow our whole deal sky high. 315 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,650 You leave Maggie to me. 316 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:52,041 No, Lisa. 317 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,209 Not her. She'll hunt us down relentlessly. 318 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,523 Like a bloodhound mixed with a student loan officer. 319 00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,886 Hey, I can't leave this place. 320 00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,724 I get three square meals a day 321 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,168 and trailer time with Springfield's craziest chicks. 322 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,729 Hey, I got the most to lose here. 323 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,041 I just printed up 10,000 business cards. 324 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:13,600 How am I gonna pass all these out before she catches me? 325 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,047 Give me a call sometime! Give me a call some... 326 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,485 Here comes the panic! 327 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,086 People, please, the only way Lisa can bust me 328 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,046 is if she finds someone who can prove I was at that rap show. 329 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,646 And I know just where she can find that someone. 330 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,922 Let's go cover our asses! 331 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,441 Wait. Before we go, I took the liberty of making these 332 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,330 embroidered conspiracy jackets for all of us. 333 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,131 Wow. Those jackets are beautiful! 334 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,770 We must never wear them. 335 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,207 Mr. Alcatraaaz, my name is Lisa Simpson. 336 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,362 And this is Principal Skinner. Hi. 337 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,569 Would you mind showing us video footage of your last concert? 338 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:52,801 No problem. 339 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:57,522 I got 200-inch plasma TV in my shoe closet. 340 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,722 I'm sharing a laugh with my new friends. 341 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:06,885 Homer is a fat load. 342 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,804 Homer is a fat load. 343 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,890 This proves Bart lied about being kidnapped. 344 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:13,961 Not yet. 345 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,408 Can we verify exactly what time Bart was at the show? 346 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,445 If only we had the exact date. 347 00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,409 Bingo! Thank you, Mr. Alcatraaaz. 348 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:30,761 Ain't nothin'. 349 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,843 It is nothing. 350 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,763 It's idiomatic, biatch. 351 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,251 All right, 352 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,408 hand over the tape and nobody gets hurt. 353 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:44,163 Oh, this is hopeless. My gun isn't even loaded. 354 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,401 Nuts. They're gonna release that tape and our hoax will be exposed. 355 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,288 Well, I guess I'll go back to Baltimore and sell ribbon with my daddy. 356 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:57,524 "Ribbon, get your ribbon! Great for presents!" 357 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,128 Wait a minute. Why do we have to come clean? 358 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,440 Nobody's been hurt. 359 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,329 Everyone's happier with the lie. 360 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:05,323 The lie is love. 361 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,124 Wait just a minute! 362 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,565 Love the lie. 363 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,200 The way I was raised, by Mom, 364 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,682 I learned the truth can't be swept under the rug. 365 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,762 That's a very noble sentiment, Lisa. 366 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,047 But for once in your life, can't you just be cool? 367 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,849 Yeah. Be cool like us. 368 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,729 Coolee. Coolee cool. 369 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,848 Come on, fool. Be coolee coolee cool. 370 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,290 Yo, put away your Glocks, man. Yes. 371 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,682 Share with us the wisdom of the street, O mighty Alcatraaaz. 372 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:39,441 There are times in life, when the truth ain't black nor white, 373 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,522 but a subtler shade of gray, yo. 374 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,923 And when the path for justice is obscured 375 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,324 by the fog of uncertainty, there is only one solution. 376 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,925 House party! 377 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,045 I don't understand. 378 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,930 After all the corruption and deceit we witnessed, 379 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,764 how can everyone just party? 380 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,923 Lisa, the world is a very complicated place. 381 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,809 And when you get right down to it... 382 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:13,166 Cannonball! 383 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,496 Do you think there's a place in the hip-hop world, 384 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,126 for a 40-something elementary school administrator? 385 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,123 Hell, yes. 386 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,328 But I'm already paying a guy for that. 387 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,564 Skinner! I order you to step off, dawg. 388 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,886 I think they're making fun of me but my wife is very sick. 389 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,407 Whoo!