1
00:00:03,087 --> 00:00:06,089
The Simpsons.

2
00:00:31,490 --> 00:00:34,283
I have to research a paper.
Where did all the books go?

3
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,786
Books? Books are
for squares.

4
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,038
We're now a multimedia
learning center

5
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:41,249
for children of all ages...

6
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:42,959
But mostly bums.

7
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:48,172
Ay, caramba!

8
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,882
Huh? What?

9
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:57,557
There are hardly
any books at all.

10
00:00:57,641 --> 00:00:59,183
No books?

11
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,853
But Krabappel wants
a paper on Henry Vlll.

12
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:05,398
And I have to score at least a
pumpkin sticker or better on it.

13
00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:09,068
Aw. There, there.
I can help you kids.

14
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,613
I know a little
something about history.

15
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,449
Gather round.

16
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,951
Henry Vlll had
everything he could want,

17
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:20,204
except a son to follow
in his footsteps.

18
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:25,126
I'm Henry the Eighth, I am.

19
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:28,296
Henry the Eighth,
I am, I am

20
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,090
I've been eating
since 6:00 a.m.

21
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:33,426
For dessert
I'II have dinner again.

22
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,803
My name's
synonymous with gluttony

23
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,972
I'II always eat
a turkey or a ham.

24
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,016
Stop singing that song!

25
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,350
We all know who you are!

26
00:01:43,729 --> 00:01:47,315
Her Majesty,
Margarine of Aragon!

27
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:48,649
What are you
doing out of bed?

28
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:50,860
I just planted my seed
in your womanly dirt.

29
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:53,696
Your Majesty,
I know you want a son.

30
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:57,116
But must we discuss my womb
in front of the entire court?

31
00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,454
As royal physician,
it is my learned opinion

32
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:04,707
that her womb is
filled with sea serpents.

33
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:13,216
Must sire a dude.
Must sire a dude.

34
00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:16,010
Father dearest,
I am the son you crave.

35
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,638
I'm smart, athletic
and ever so masculine.

36
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:20,807
Could a girl belch
like this?

37
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:25,144
My beautiful boy!
Why can't I have you?

38
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:27,480
I don't know. Too much
jerkin' your merkin?

39
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:32,276
Why you little... Get out of
my dreams and into my wife!

40
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:35,112
I could've married
the King of France.

41
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:38,199
He wasn't so preoccupied
with procreation.

42
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,326
Ting-a-ling-a-ling.
Know what I mean?

43
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:45,540
Oh, look at me. I eat and eat and
eat, and I never get any thinner.

44
00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,625
Well, there's more
of you to worship, O Sire.

45
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,378
Who would dare
to flatter a king?

46
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:53,005
Anne Boleyn,
loyal subject, big fan.

47
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,675
Modern Wench
magazine dubbed me.

48
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,260
"Anne of
the child-bearing hips."

49
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,596
Yes. Wide hips indeed.

50
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,515
My son could cartwheel out.
Yoink!

51
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,719
Hey! Where are
you taking me?

52
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,767
Marriage counseling.

53
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,774
We came here to talk
about our problems.

54
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,485
Fine! I want to
marry Anne Boleyn.

55
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,863
But I can't chop
my wife's head off

56
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,115
because her father
is the King of Spain!

57
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,242
Your Majesty,
your feelings are valid,

58
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,661
but I'm afraid marriage
takes a lot of hard work.

59
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,872
And who needs that?

60
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,582
I say trade in that
lemon and get busy!

61
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:28,666
Woo-hoo!

62
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:32,253
Divorce? Sire, there's no such
thing in the Cath-diddly-atholic Church.

63
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,047
But it's the only church we've
got, so what are you gonna do?

64
00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:36,382
I'll start my own church.

65
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:37,550
What?

66
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,845
Yes, my own church.
Where divorce will be so easy,

67
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,514
more than half of marriages
will end in it.

68
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,725
Your Majesty,
I work for the Pope,

69
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,351
and I think
a celibate ltalian weirdo

70
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,036
knows a lot more
about marriage than you.

71
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:50,646
Mmm, I understand.

72
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:54,817
And because you stuck to your
principles, I'm going to canonize you.

73
00:03:57,988 --> 00:03:59,322
I can see my house!

74
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:04,201
Sweetie, sometimes a daddy
and a mommy decide to live apart.

75
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:05,703
It's not your fault.

76
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,915
It's just that you came out the
wrong sex and ruined everything.

77
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,791
So grow a penis or get lost.

78
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,550
I can't.
Buh-bye.

79
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,385
Well, why can't
your heir be female?

80
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,471
Or why can't
we elect our leaders?

81
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,348
I wonder if I could
canonize a child?

82
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,474
Leaving!

83
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:31,604
Hey, I invented divorce! How
did you get half of everything?

84
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:33,230
You should've
invented the pre-nup.

85
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,815
And now half of
your kingdom, please.

86
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,527
I get lreland?

87
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:43,783
And by the power vested in me
by you just now,

88
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,327
I pronounce you
king and trophy queen.

89
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:50,373
In the name of the Henry,
the Hank, and the holy Harry...

90
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,875
Amen. Henry.

91
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,838
Okay. Now let's put
a son in the oven.

92
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,094
Oh, Henry!

93
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,223
Henry, sorry I bore you
a daughter.

94
00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:12,395
Stop. Anne, I love her
as much as I love you.

95
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,816
Your head lives for
five seconds afterwards

96
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,818
so I left a magazine
in the basket.

97
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,655
Oh, my horoscope!

98
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:26,200
"Today will bring welcome new
changes into your life." Wrong!

99
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:30,413
Sir Scratchy, I accuse you of
conducting a Catholic mass!

100
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:34,083
Lord ltchy, I accuse you of not
signing the Act of Succession.

101
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,549
If only I had a son
to enjoy this with.

102
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:47,430
Hey, baby. How would you
like to be queen for a day?

103
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:51,142
It's funny,
'cause you're king.

104
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,894
Do you, Jane Seymour,

105
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:56,522
take this king to be
your lawfully wedded husband

106
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,274
till your first
little spat?

107
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:03,279
I do! I double do!
Henry is the ginchiest!

108
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,741
The Lord is my...

109
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,492
I told you I was a dude!

110
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,953
You didn't dump me.
I dumped you...

111
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,374
Why on earth
did I marry you?

112
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:18,461
My track record!
I've had 10 sons.

113
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,796
Now take a ride
on the kingmaker!

114
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:25,301
Swing and a miss!

115
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:27,511
Come on! I'm 95.

116
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,638
You could use a butter
knife, for God's sake.

117
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,059
Don't just stand there.
Bury me.

118
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:37,772
Sire, I know what you usually
do to the bearer of bad news,

119
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:40,232
but, well,
we're running out of pikes

120
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,650
to stick your
wives' heads onto.

121
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,819
I'll show you
running out of pikes!

122
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,908
Hey, what do you know?
You were right.

123
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:49,992
That means a lot.

124
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:53,829
My whole life, I was
looking for that one woman

125
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,582
whose execution
could bring me happiness.

126
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:02,171
Now I realize I was just
beheading myself for divorcing you.

127
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,423
And locking me
in a dungeon.

128
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,679
Listen to us. We still finish
each other's sentences.

129
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:15,559
Margarine, won't you take
back an old head-chopping fool?

130
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:19,939
Of course, Your Majesty. Let
me just fluff your pillow for you.

131
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,862
See ya in hell, fat man!

132
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:31,325
Finally, Henry's daughter
Elizabeth became queen.

133
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:33,994
England's power
was never greater.

134
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,288
And British actresses
always had a role to play

135
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:38,165
when they got
to a certain age.

136
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,209
That was awesome, Mrs. S.

137
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,712
Check plus-plus, here I come!

138
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:49,468
Wow. The library
really is a great resource!

139
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:53,889
And I just came in here to
trip nerds for nothin'. Ha-ha!

140
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,230
Mom, I can't find
anything on Sacagawea.

141
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,774
Just a couple of
books on Ron Santo.

142
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,234
No problem.

143
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,195
In elementary school, we
girls learned about Sacagawea

144
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,905
while the boys
were learning math.

145
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,116
Okay.

146
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,119
All right! Toilet paper!

147
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,499
In 1804, President Jefferson
sent Lewis and Clark

148
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:24,420
and some embedded journalists
to find the Northwest Passage.

149
00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:28,007
They paddled up the
Mississippi from St. Louis.

150
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:32,428
When winter came, Lewis
and Clark tried to set up camp,

151
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,346
but encountered
much hardship.

152
00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:40,102
Come spring, they sought help
from Native Americans.

153
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,688
Long have we awaited the
coming of the white man...

154
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:44,356
And Carl.

155
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:47,109
Thanks. And welcome to
the United States of America.

156
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,194
Have a flag.

157
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,998
And while you're at it,
cover your nakedness

158
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,113
and worship our Lord.

159
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,425
Yeah, yeah.
I'll get right on it.

160
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,451
Now, in order to aid your
journey across the land

161
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:59,205
I offer you the guidance
of my daughter, Sacagawea.

162
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:03,459
In our language, her name
means "little know-it-all

163
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,502
"who won't shut
her maize hole."

164
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,463
I will be happy to
help the Americans.

165
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,674
Of course, I will be sad
to leave my husband,

166
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,676
the French fur trader,
Charbonneau.

167
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,386
I will come with you.

168
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:19,058
Because by myself, the
darkness, she scares me.

169
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,310
I don't know why
I ever sold you to him.

170
00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,230
Okay, those berries
are poison.

171
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,564
Those leaves are poison oak.

172
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,858
And your belt is a snake,
also poisonous.

173
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,986
I'll tell you what's
poisonous, your attitude.

174
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,616
- You know these...
- I'm dying!

175
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,952
But at least people
will always remember

176
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,079
the expedition
of Lewis and Clark

177
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,288
and Tweedleburger...

178
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,794
Also, if you're confronted
by a mountain lion,

179
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,088
try to make yourself look
as big as possible.

180
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,840
And when you get a chance,
bury your friend.

181
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,802
Hey, we're still mourning.
Let's get a drink.

182
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,596
All right, customers!
And they said

183
00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,807
you couldn't open
a bar in Kansas.

184
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,017
Hey... Hey!

185
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,188
Well, nothing can
crush the frontier spirit.

186
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,235
That'll do it.

187
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:13,946
At last the Pacific Ocean.

188
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,114
That's a mud puddle.

189
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,866
Some of us find solutions instead
of just pointing out problems.

190
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,952
How did you two ever
get to be explorers?

191
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,596
We got the job
because we own a compass.

192
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,539
Turns out the needle
was just painted on.

193
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:29,169
It's been two years, so our brave
explorers should be right about here.

194
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,715
You morons!

195
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,685
Wait! That's my brother!

196
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,521
Don't kill them!
They're my friends!

197
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,566
Oh, come on. Can't we at
least have one pity scalp?

198
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,693
Ah! My brother-in-law.

199
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:55,487
I haven't seen you since
I killed all your buffalo.

200
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:58,407
Water under
the bridge, eh? Eh?

201
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,367
Don't forget the eyebrows.

202
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,913
Wow, the Columbia River!

203
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,791
Now we just ride this baby
down to the Pacific

204
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,377
and get us some
sweet mermaid sex.

205
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:14,256
For the last time,
those are salmon!

206
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,176
How do you like that?
Sacagawea has an opinion.

207
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,302
Big surprise.

208
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,970
You know,
you could be a little more

209
00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,430
grateful to us
for civilizing you.

210
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:27,144
I am the only reason you
guys made it this far alive!

211
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,146
From now on,
you're on your own!

212
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:32,024
Stupid things with their
compasses painted on.

213
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,109
She'll be back.
She forgot her husband.

214
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,029
Ingrates,
after all I did for them.

215
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:40,616
Oh, warm, wooly rock,
you're my only friend.

216
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,457
We're big! We're big!

217
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,292
Which you mountain
lions find terrifying!

218
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,797
They remembered
what I taught them!

219
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,801
Of course we did. We'll
never forget you, Pocahontas.

220
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:00,427
Sacagawea.

221
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,720
Gesundheit.

222
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:02,888
Look!

223
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,890
The Pacific Ocean!

224
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:08,727
We made it! We discovered
the magnificent Pacific Northwest.

225
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:15,526
I say we give this lovely land
a name worthy of its beauty.

226
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,861
Eugene, Oregon!

227
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,947
And we owe it all to you.

228
00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:23,450
You're gonna get the greatest
honor this country can bestow.

229
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:27,579
And today, Lewis' promise
has been fulfilled.

230
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,499
What is that? A quarter?

231
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,292
A Chuck E. Cheese token?

232
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,129
No! It's a Sacagawea dollar.

233
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,632
You can trade it in at the
bank for a real dollar! Huh?

234
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:44,513
Bart, what famous historical
figure do you want to write about?

235
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,098
I don't know. The boogeyman?

236
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,475
Come on, Bart.
We can make this fun.

237
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,561
History's like
an amusement park,

238
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,730
except instead of rides,
you have dates to memorize.

239
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,858
Mom, everyone who
ever lived is boring.

240
00:12:55,942 --> 00:13:00,112
Boring? Ls there anything
boring about a bad-ass rocker

241
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,072
who lived fast
and died young?

242
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,533
I know there's a catch,
but tell me more.

243
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:07,703
As a young prodigy,
this popular musician

244
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,581
wowed audiences
across 18th century Europe.

245
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:15,127
And now the star of our
show, my son, Mozart!

246
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:18,839
He makes Bach turn back.
Haydn go into hidin',

247
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,717
and, well, those are the only
ones there have been so far.

248
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:28,932
Hello, Vienna! Are there
any aficionados in the house?

249
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,350
Yeah!

250
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,978
Sonata in A,
K331, Third Movement!

251
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,898
I can't hear you!

252
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,902
Sonata in A,
K331, Third Movement!

253
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:06,136
Great show, Son, but you
forgot to push the merchandize.

254
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,723
Papa, let me be
the headliner.

255
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:13,435
I always show up on time and I
close the piano lid ever so softly.

256
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:15,604
Oh, little Salieri,

257
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,356
why don't you go play
with the other three

258
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,107
untalented members
of our family?

259
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,818
Tito, Randy, and Jermaine.

260
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,700
Sally, no one
practices as hard as you.

261
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,912
But it's your brother who keeps
us in lead-based face powder.

262
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,844
Ew! A plague rat!

263
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,807
Don't you have
music to write?

264
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,975
I'm doing it right now.

265
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,062
I call this my "Symphony
in Gee, My Sister Sucks."

266
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:03,235
O Lord, why did you give such
transcendent talent

267
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,195
to such an undeserving fool?

268
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,322
Because you are ugly!

269
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,996
What is it about
music that enchants us?

270
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,872
The notes.

271
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,377
Our next award is sponsored
by Heinrich's Bratwurst.

272
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,256
"Papa, can we have
a Heinrich's Bratwurst?"

273
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,801
For outstanding composer
age 10 and under,

274
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,094
the winner is...

275
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,429
Please let me win.

276
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:31,513
...Mozart.

277
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,896
I can't stand it.

278
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,273
Thank you. Thank you.

279
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:45,611
I want to see you all next
week at my concert in Krakow!

280
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:57,873
Wow, it's sold out.
Mincing room only.

281
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,420
I hope they like the opera.

282
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:07,382
Oh, they're like sheep. As
the emperor goes, so do they.

283
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:14,640
Wine here! Get your wine!

284
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:19,019
Claret, Port, Riesling!
Emperors drink free.

285
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,187
I'm an emperor!

286
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,067
Nachti-Nacht.

287
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:41,792
Beans, oh, beans,
delicious in your mouth.

288
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,295
But watch out When
beans come out down south.

289
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:50,008
Tooting, some call it
pooting It's air-polluting.

290
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,260
The gas comes
shooting right from your

291
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,639
butt, butt, butt, butt, butt,
butt, butt, butt, butt, butt.

292
00:16:55,973 --> 00:16:59,518
Ooh! This makes me
want to fop till I drop.

293
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,813
I say...

294
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,323
The emperor finds it boring.

295
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,575
Then so do we.

296
00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:22,207
People bored with opera?

297
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,542
That's impossible!

298
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,336
To failure, dear brother.

299
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,276
Oh, Mozart,
I know you are gravely ill.

300
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:53,321
So I brought you the very
finest doctor in all of Austria.

301
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:55,490
Guten Tag, everybody.

302
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:57,409
Guten Tag, Dr. Nick.

303
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:00,495
I can tell from here
you have too much blood.

304
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,831
Let's get you
covered in leeches.

305
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,838
Don't be shy.
Eat the little boy.

306
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,800
Now, in the morning, you'll
be good as new or dead!

307
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:16,511
But the important thing
is we'll know.

308
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,479
Mozart, you can't die.

309
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,773
I don't want to
live in a world

310
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,733
without the income
you produce.

311
00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,405
I'll never forget when
you were a little baby

312
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,908
and I sang you
the lullabies you wrote.

313
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:41,703
Where is my sister?
Where is darling Salieri?

314
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,623
I never wanted you to die.

315
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,667
I just wanted to destroy
your talent and your joy.

316
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:50,295
Dear sister,
I have a confession.

317
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,882
In the eyes of history,
I always thought

318
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,551
your music would
be judged the best.

319
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:57,969
Really?

320
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,763
But now that
I'm dying young...

321
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:02,224
I'll be cool forever.

322
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,644
Eat my pantaloons!

323
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,363
Mozart is dead!

324
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:22,285
Get you genuine death masks!
Fresh off the corpse!

325
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,788
Be the first on your block
to give me money!

326
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,211
I must show the emperor
my Requiem Mass.

327
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:36,591
With Mozart dead, I am, at
last, the greatest composer alive!

328
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:39,546
You'll have to
wait your turn.

329
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,680
The emperor is with yet
another musical prodigy.

330
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:54,693
Splendid, young Beethoven. I
hereby declare all other music obsolete.

331
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,844
And that's
the life of Mozart.

332
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:24,139
Thank God he died young.
I've gotta get dinner on the stove.

333
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:26,892
Mom, that sounds a lot like
the movie Amadeus

334
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:28,977
which was
historically inaccurate.

335
00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:31,104
Mozart worked hard
on his music.

336
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,064
Salieri was
a respected composer.

337
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:36,818
All I know is the guy who played
Mozart was also in Animal House.

338
00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:39,988
Now there's
a movie with good music.

339
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:43,575
Animal house, house, house.

340
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:46,745
Nobody ever went to class.

341
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:50,165
Then we saw
Donald Sutherland's ass.

342
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:57,172
Animal house, house, house.

343
00:20:57,506 --> 00:21:00,967
Then they did the end
like American Graffiti.

344
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:04,346
Where you found out
what happened to everyone.

345
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:57,816
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