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(theme music playing)
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CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
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(bell ringing)
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(whistle blows)
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(beeping)
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(playing the blues)
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(jazzy solo)
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(chimes)
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(tires screeching)
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(honking horn)
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D'oh!
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(screams)
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(tires screeching)
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{\an8}(laughs)
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{\an8}This watermelon won't know what hit it.
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{\an8}I love our Tuesdays together, Dad.
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{\an8}(laughter)
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{\an8}Don't you two have a list of chores to do?
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{\an8}Hey, we just took care of that
dangerous melon
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{\an8}that was threatening our garden.
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{\an8}Yeah, we're heroes.
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{\an8}But where's our parade?
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{\an8}(groans)
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{\an8}HOMER: All right. "Open stuck drawer."
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{\an8}All righty. (grunting)
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{\an8}-It's hopeless.
-Or is it?
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{\an8}Yeah, it's hopeless.
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{\an8}I said, "Or is it?"
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{\an8}I said, "It's..." Oh.
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{\an8}(laughs)
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{\an8}Homer, what are you doing?
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{\an8}Listen, do you want the job done right
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{\an8}or do you want it done fast?
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{\an8}Well, like all Americans, fast, but...
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Clear!
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You can't argue with results.
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BART: Ooh, baby!
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{\an8}(laughs)
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{\an8}-(whimpering)
-Oh, don't worry.
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{\an8}You'll be sleeping in this
beautiful new doghouse.
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{\an8}Target date, January 2007.
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{\an8}(whimpering)
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{\an8}And now, the grand finale.
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{\an8}"Get Lisa's jammed tape out of VCR."
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{\an8}Wait--wait a minute.
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{\an8}There.
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{\an8}Fire in the hole!
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{\an8}It's going to take a lot of fireworks
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{\an8}to clean this place up.
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{\an8}(gasps) What's going on here?
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{\an8}Uh, honey...
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{\an8}there's a point in every father's life
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{\an8}when he blows up his daughter's room.
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{\an8}Oh, yeah? You didn't blow up
Maggie's room.
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{\an8}(explosion)
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{\an8}Oh, Lisa, this must be
a rough time for you.
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{\an8}Do you have any friends
or family you can stay with?
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{\an8}You've ruined all my stuff.
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{\an8}Oh, come on. Tell us how we can
make it up to you.
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Hey, pretend it's your birthday!
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It is my birthday.
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That's the spirit. Now, what do
you want to do?
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{\an8}Well, the book festival starts today...
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{\an8}Anything at all. You name it.
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{\an8}What do you want to do?
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HOMER: Stupid Lisa.
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Hear ye, hear ye!
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One dollar off on all poetry books!
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(crowd clamoring)
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(sobs) Their hands were everywhere.
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REVEREND LOVEJOY: Hello, Simpsons.
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Care to try a sample
from my new cookbook--
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Someone's in the Kitchen with Jesus?
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Mm, these stigmuffins are to die for!
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Oh, if you like that, you should try
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Mary Magdalene's chocolate orgasm.
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Ooh, OK.
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{\an8}-(squirts)
-(grunts)
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{\an8}So, Mr. King, what tale of horror
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{\an8}and the macabre are you working on now?
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{\an8}Oh, I don't feel like
writing horror right now.
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Oh, that's too bad.
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I'm working on a biography
of Benjamin Franklin.
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He's a fascinating man.
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He discovered electricity
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and used it to torture small animals
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and Green Mountain men.
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And that key he tied to the end of a kite?
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(thunder crashing)
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It opened The Gates of Hell!
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Well, let me know when
you get back to horror.
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Will do.
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Hi. With my Info Cram 6000,
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you can absorb books instantly
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by attaching this electrode
to the brain pan
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and this one to the loi-ns.
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(electricity crackling)
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Tolstoy... Searing... Brain...
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With my diet you can eat all you want
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any time you want.
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And you lose weight?
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Uh, you might. It's a free country.
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Finally, books for today's busy idiot.
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Network Programming for Dummies.
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00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,183
Christianity for Dummies.
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Mo-- Moby Dick?
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"Call me Ishmael, dummy."
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How did you write all these books?
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Uh, I don't know.
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Me got to go to bank now.
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{\an8}Look, Maggie. Christopher Walken's
reading Goodnight, Moon.
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{\an8}"Good night, room.
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{\an8}Good night, moon.
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{\an8}Good night, cow jumping over the moon."
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(children whimpering)
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Please, children, scootch closer.
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Don't make me tell you again
about the scootching.
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You in the red, chop-chop.
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-(children whimpering)
-Hmm.
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(laughs) Eh.
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All right, does anyone
have a question for our panel
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that's not about how much money they make?
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Uh, yeah. I'm a techno-thriller junkie,
and I'd like to know,
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is the B-2 Bomber more
detectable when it rains?
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{\an8}-Oh-ho. What do you think, Tom Clancy?
-Well, the B-2...
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{\an8}No, no, I was asking Maya Angelou.
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{\an8}The ebony fighter awakens
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{\an8}dappled with the dewy beads of morn.
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{\an8}Maya Angelou is black?
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{\an8}It is a Mach 5 child
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forever bound to suckle
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from the shriveled breast of Congress.
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Oh, Maya, you're a national treasure.
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(mic feedback sound)
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Ms. Tan, I loved The Joy Luck Club.
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It really showed me
how the mother-daughter bond
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could triumph over adversity.
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{\an8}No, that's not what I meant at all.
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{\an8}You couldn't have gotten it more wrong.
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{\an8}-But...
-Please, just sit down.
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{\an8}I'm embarrassed for both of us.
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(moans softly)
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(gasps)
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Ew!
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(laughs) Book writing.
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What a scam, huh?
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It's only 20 pages long.
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And this guy wrote it for me.
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-What's your name again?
-John Updike.
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Whoa, whoa! I didn't ask
for your life story.
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00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:58,042
So, you really know Krusty?
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What's he like?
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Oh, he's wonderful.
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He would do anything for his fans.
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KRUSTY: Hurry up, kid.
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-Name?
-Hey, it's me, Bart.
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-Your biggest fan.
-Hey, good for you, 'cause I wanna...
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know that all my fans
are all... (mumbling)
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{\an8}"K the C"?
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Hey, this pen's got to last me all day.
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Now, if you could
up, bup, bup, bup, bup! Yeah.
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-Name?
-My name is Sophie.
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Hey, good luck with that.
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I'm your daughter.
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What?
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I finally found my daddy.
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Ohh... I think I just seltzered myself.
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-(laughs)
-Shut up, Updike!
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Listen, honey, a lot of kids
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think of me as their daddy,
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but I'm just a simple TV legend.
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Here, have a keychain.
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No, I'm sure you're my father.
174
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:52,180
You met my mom during the Gulf War.
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00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,974
Oh. Was your mother
an Israeli flight attendant?
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-No.
-Cokie Roberts?
177
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,227
No, she was a soldier.
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Chestnut brown hair, kind of shy,
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thirty-two confirmed kills.
180
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Oh-ho-ho! Oh, boy...
Now it's coming back to me.
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{\an8}-(applause)
-(drum roll)
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00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:11,365
Saddam Hussein?
183
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,452
They should call him
"so damn insane." Ha ha--
184
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Hey, you're just fanning
the flames of hatred.
185
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Yeah, yeah, yeah...
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00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:22,835
Now, just when you thought
the desert couldn't get any hotter,
187
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:26,422
it's the Cincinnati Bengal cheerleaders!
188
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Hey, I can't look at that.
I have a girlfriend back home.
189
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This is an insult to our Muslim hosts.
190
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:35,097
KRUSTY: During the show,
a desert wind kicked up.
191
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(wind whooshing)
192
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I sought shelter in a nearby tent.
193
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,314
(gasps)
194
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There was your mother
195
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looking like a beautiful mirage.
196
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,738
Maybe it was the anthrax in the air.
197
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:53,115
Maybe it was the fact
the Arab women weren't biting.
198
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:57,119
Whatever it was, it was magic.
199
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:05,294
We slept late
into the morning, and then...
200
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,463
My God, I'm late for my mission!
201
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,383
Here's your mission--
get down with the clown!
202
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,385
-Oh, come on, baby.
-No, not now!
203
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,178
I'm supposed to assassinate Saddam.
204
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,264
Wait a minute, you can't kill Saddam.
205
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,765
He's half my act!
206
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,650
Oh, stop.
207
00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,943
No!
208
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,411
(crowd whining)
209
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,122
I just saved my baseball bit.
210
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:46,294
Who's Sayin's on first,
Iya Tol'ya's on second, and...
211
00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,462
-You stupid clown!
-(grunting)
212
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,549
When I came to, she was gone
213
00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:53,593
and the war had been over
for eight months.
214
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,553
Anyway, how'd you finally find me?
215
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,389
All my mom ever said was my father was
some pathetic clown.
216
00:09:58,472 --> 00:10:00,891
So, I typed "pathetic clown"
into a search engine
217
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,310
and your name popped right up.
218
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,770
-(car horn honks)
-It's Mom.
219
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,315
Hey, how you been? Remember me?
220
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,649
(engine revs up)
221
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,860
Uh... You better get going.
222
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,820
It was nice meeting you.
Thanks for coming out.
223
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:16,699
But I was hoping maybe
we could do some stuff together
224
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,659
like go to the beach and junk.
225
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,536
Look, you're a sweet kid,
226
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,997
but I'm not exactly father material.
227
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,874
I curse, I gamble,
228
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,876
I pick fights with homeless people,
229
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,128
I... What's wrong with your eyes?
230
00:10:29,211 --> 00:10:31,672
You need a Claritin or something?
231
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,758
Oh, all right.
232
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:37,053
You get one trip to the beach,
with my assistant.
233
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,804
-(sighs)
-OK, I'll take you.
234
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,306
Yay!
235
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,601
Dear Lord, bless this humble meal.
236
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:45,561
And did you hear about Krusty?
237
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,188
Whoo, man.
238
00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:50,191
I mean, I knew he was a player,
but, geez, a kid?
239
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,318
Homer, that's not a prayer. That's gossip.
240
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,196
Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters.
241
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,073
So, how's Maude Flanders doing up there?
242
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,282
Is she playing the field?
243
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,284
Ooh, yeah, really?
244
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:01,577
All those guys?
245
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,246
-Amen.
-(Marge groans)
246
00:11:06,582 --> 00:11:08,751
(humming)
247
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,760
OK, kid, there's the water.
248
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:19,887
-Knock yourself out.
-Come on, Dad.
249
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:22,098
Let's go bodysurfing or boogie boarding.
250
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,392
Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad
251
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:25,851
who, you know, does things
252
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,853
or says stuff, or looks at you.
253
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,814
But the love is there.
254
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:31,899
Where are you? Give Daddy a clue.
255
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:34,819
Oh, that's my girl.
256
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,529
OK, you just sit there
257
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,489
and I'll throw the Frisbee to you.
258
00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:41,617
Oh, I got to sit up now?
259
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,036
Oh! What am I, Baryshnikov?
260
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,497
Oh! (laughs)
261
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:48,124
Hey, you beat me.
262
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,501
What a great day we've had, huh?
263
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:52,253
You know... for a clown,
264
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:54,171
you're not really a lot of fun.
265
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,256
(Krusty groans)
266
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:56,549
(Sophie sighs)
267
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,802
Boy, fatherhood is one tough gig.
268
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:01,887
I don't get how other guys do it.
269
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,141
Ready? Switch!
270
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,226
(kids giggling)
271
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,644
Hey, careful, boys.
272
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,813
That arch is looking a little Romanesque.
273
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,940
Sorry, Daddy. How should I punish myself?
274
00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,445
No, son. You let them finish,
then you smash it.
275
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,529
That's a good boy.
276
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:20,114
Mush, Homer, mush!
277
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,616
-Catch, Dad! Catch!
-Oh!
278
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:25,161
OK, that stings Daddy's eyes, honey.
279
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:28,914
Hmm, I think I found my mentor.
280
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,083
-Heads up!
-KRUSTY: You know, Homer,
281
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,627
I've spent my whole life entertaining kids
282
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:37,047
and I just realized
I don't know the first thing about them.
283
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,718
Well, I won't lie. Fatherhood isn't easy,
like motherhood,
284
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:43,429
but I wouldn't trade it for anything...
285
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:45,097
except for some mag wheels.
286
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,266
Oh, man, that would be sweet.
287
00:12:47,349 --> 00:12:49,226
LISA: Dad! Dad!
288
00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:52,605
Just a second, honey,
Daddy's on his high horse.
289
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,315
Dad!
290
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:56,108
Yeah, I'm watching, honey.
291
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,777
Nice cannonball.
292
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:01,238
Anywho, the key to fathering
is don't overthink
293
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,991
'cause overthinking is, um...
294
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:05,451
What were we talking about?
295
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,453
Ooh, a clown! (laughs)
296
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,872
♪ Well, I like that girl ♪
297
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,208
♪ She's the cutest little thing I know ♪
298
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,210
♪ Plus she likes me back ♪
299
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,422
♪ And all mine from head to toe ♪
300
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,133
♪ Yeah, she never makes me
wonder when it comes to that ♪
301
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,135
♪ When my head's in a whirl ♪
302
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,387
♪ 'Cause I like that girl ♪
303
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,225
♪ At a beauty contest ♪
304
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,602
♪ She's the kind just couldn't lose ♪
305
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:33,312
♪ She ain't lost one yet ♪
306
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,022
(seagulls squawking)
307
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,358
Kid, I gotta admit
308
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,193
you're starting to grow on me.
309
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,736
Same here, Dad.
310
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,947
It's nice that you don't
always have to be on.
311
00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:45,658
I thought I was on! When was I off?
312
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,493
That bit about the tide pool?
313
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:50,454
I tell you, it killed at
Jacques Cousteau's funeral.
314
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:51,789
Dad, relax.
315
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,666
Just enjoy the sunset.
316
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:56,377
(plays solemn classical music)
317
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,295
Hey, I know that song.
318
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,549
My dad used to play that when I was a boy.
319
00:14:01,632 --> 00:14:05,177
-(sniffles) It's beautiful.
-Do you play?
320
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,389
No, I guess musical talent
skips a generation,
321
00:14:08,472 --> 00:14:10,015
like diabetes.
322
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,892
You might want to watch out for that, too.
323
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,478
SOPHIE: Mom, I had the best time!
324
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,689
Can Dad come in for milk and cookies?
325
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,315
Why, I'd love to... Whoa!
326
00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,067
(screams)
327
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:22,403
(Krusty groans loudly)
328
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:25,072
Oskar Homolka! (nervous chuckle)
329
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:28,284
That's OK. I think I'll go
somewhere friendlier
330
00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:31,829
like beautiful Downtown Grozny!
Ha ha ha!
331
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:32,913
Zoom.
332
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,792
My little girl's sharp as a tack.
333
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,961
I tried the "Got your nose" bit on her--
334
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,796
didn't fool her for a second.
335
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,923
My uncle still has my nose.
336
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,968
Hmm. (groans)
337
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,012
Oh... (squeals of delight)
338
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:51,181
Oh, what a lousy hand.
339
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,684
-I'll stand.
-I raise. Two G's.
340
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,436
-I'm out.
-Fold-a-rama.
341
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,062
Can we make this hand high-low?
342
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,480
-No.
-I fold.
343
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,609
Krusty, are you in, or are you out?
344
00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:03,611
Oh, man, I'm totally tapped.
345
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,279
Would you consider taking my Rolex?
346
00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:06,947
You mean, this one?
347
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,365
Oh, yeah, right.
348
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:09,950
Just let me go to my car.
349
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:16,749
♪ A weema-way, a weema-way,
a weema-way, a weema-way... ♪
350
00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:18,125
Don't do that.
351
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:19,293
Hmm-mm.
352
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,629
Let's see, the sweater,
353
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,589
the custom floor mat...
354
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,591
the stereo!
355
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:29,053
-(alarm buzzing)
-Theft alert. Deploy airbag.
356
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,472
Ahh! (groans)
357
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:34,475
Best hand of my life, and I can't even--
358
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:38,520
Huh? Sophie's violin? Oh, no, I couldn't.
359
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:43,108
♪ Do it do it do it do it ♪
360
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,654
♪ She'll never know ♪
361
00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:47,696
(groans)
362
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,989
Hmm.
363
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,616
(strumming)
364
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,285
(squeaking)
365
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,288
Well, it won't bring much cash,
366
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,041
but its sentimental value
is through the roof.
367
00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:00,584
It is acceptable.
368
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:03,253
Then I'm in, and I call!
369
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,672
Four aces.
370
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:07,758
-Read them and--
-Straight flush.
371
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,595
Oh, no! No!
372
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,013
You can't!
373
00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,848
My daughter will never forgive me!
374
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,351
(humming)
375
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,189
Oh, wait. Now I can do it for real.
376
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:25,234
(plays solemn classical music)
377
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,495
(plays snappy ending)
378
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:41,458
Hee!
379
00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,129
(doorbell rings)
380
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,507
-Hey, hey, Dad.
-Hey, hey!
381
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:49,925
Now, look, Sophie.
382
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,552
I know you think your daddy's perfect...
383
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:54,054
-No, I don't.
-...but I did a bad thing.
384
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,223
I lost your violin in a poker game.
385
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,100
-You what?
-But don't worry.
386
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:00,144
I got you an even better one.
387
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,770
This is a ukulele.
388
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,232
Yeah, the thinking
man's violin. Check it out.
389
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,984
♪ I want to go back
to my little grass shack ♪
390
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,777
♪ In Kealakekua, Hawaii! ♪
391
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,195
I want my violin.
392
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,489
But, honey, I... (stammering)
393
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,075
I can't believe you would
gamble with something
394
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:16,660
that meant so much to me.
395
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,288
Wait. Time out.
396
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,790
Four aces is not a gamble.
397
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,709
Mom was right.
398
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,753
I was better off not knowing you.
399
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,422
(sighs)
400
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,259
Word on the street is you dumped Dawson.
401
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,594
He's history, Jenda.
402
00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,180
Wait till he sees me
with that new exchange student.
403
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:38,932
(speaks in Spanish)
404
00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,935
I'm all for ethnic diversity,
but this is just pandering.
405
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,646
Maybe so, but Dawson's going to be bummed.
406
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:45,564
(door opens)
407
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:48,484
You got to help me.
My daughter found out I'm a jerk.
408
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:52,237
Oh, Krusty, I'm sure she just
needs time to get used to you.
409
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,740
Marge, may I play
devil's advocate for a moment?
410
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,742
-Sure. Go ahead.
-(Homer grunting)
411
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,452
Come on, get in there!
412
00:17:58,535 --> 00:18:00,204
-(buzzer sounding)
-D'oh!
413
00:18:00,287 --> 00:18:01,622
Stupid game.
414
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,290
Now, what were we talking about?
415
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,793
-My daughter's violin.
-Oh, right.
416
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,628
Why don't we just break
into fat Tony's compound
417
00:18:07,711 --> 00:18:08,962
and get it back?
418
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:11,924
Really? You'd help me take on the mob?
419
00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:15,427
For a casual acquaintance
like you? Absolutely.
420
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,818
It's some kind of mafia summit.
421
00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,403
Every mob family in the country's here.
422
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,364
The Cuomos, the Travoltas,
423
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,117
the Lasordas, the Boy-ar-dees...
424
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,409
This is perfect.
425
00:18:39,493 --> 00:18:41,703
If I know fat Tony, which I don't,
426
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:44,289
he'll be distracted by his hosting duties.
427
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,874
-Come on.
-(thuds)
428
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,462
(chuckling)
429
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:51,630
Idiots.
430
00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:56,176
(Homer whimpering)
431
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:59,429
Hey, I heard there's
a lunar eclipse tonight.
432
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:00,722
Maybe we should look up.
433
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:03,058
Nah. For me, it's solar or nothing.
434
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,393
(both sighing)
435
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:06,770
(grunts)
436
00:19:07,771 --> 00:19:09,439
Welcome to my home.
437
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,150
To answer your first question,
438
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,277
yes, we do have pasta.
439
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,696
Hey, all right! I like pasta. That's good.
440
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:18,365
If you need money laundered,
just set it outside your door.
441
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,616
You can pick it up in the morning.
442
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,201
Whoa, hey!
443
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,244
Beautiful.
444
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:24,454
Now, some unpleasant news.
445
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:28,709
I have learned that someone
in this room is a squealer.
446
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,419
We've narrowed it down to either
447
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,753
Johnny Tightlips
448
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,255
or Frankie the Squealer.
449
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:35,215
OK, it's me. I can't help it.
450
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,592
I just like squealing.
451
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,093
It makes me feel big.
452
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,344
All right, come on, you're history.
453
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,684
That violin's got to be
around here somewhere.
454
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,644
(fists pounding)
455
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:49,855
-Had enough, Squealer?
-(spitting)
456
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,857
Did you know fat Tony's
real name is Marion?
457
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:53,525
You just don't get it, do you?
458
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,902
(fists pounding)
459
00:19:59,406 --> 00:20:00,699
KRUSTY: Bingo!
460
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:05,245
-D'oh!
-D'oh!
461
00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:08,290
Oh, it's going to take forever
to go through all these.
462
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,083
I have a plan.
463
00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,045
Well, that didn't work.
464
00:20:13,128 --> 00:20:15,422
LOUIE: Hey, legs,
let's go jump on Tony's bed.
465
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,090
-LOUIE: Sure. BOTH: Ahh. Uh-oh.
466
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:18,967
We got to get out of here.
Just take them all!
467
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,385
Then it's decided.
468
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,721
Our website name will be crime.org.
469
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,223
I think we're in the clear.
470
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,974
-(clears throat)
-(both gasp)
471
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,768
(machine guns firing)
472
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,478
(gunfire)
473
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,611
Homer, I've got it!
474
00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:39,613
Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit you?
475
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:41,782
-I ain't saying nothing.
-But what do I tell the doctor?
476
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,325
Tell him to suck a lemon.
477
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:46,703
(violin playing "Twinkle,
Twinkle Little Star")
478
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,538
(gasps excitedly)
479
00:20:49,539 --> 00:20:50,999
(gasps loudly)
480
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,167
Hey!
481
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:54,628
You did it!
482
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,129
You got it back.
483
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,090
Thanks, Dad.
484
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,842
"Dad." That still sounds weird to me,
485
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,803
but I'm glad we're friends again.
486
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:04,304
(gasps)
487
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,890
And you've lined the case with money.
488
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:09,768
Small bills, unmarked and non-sequential.
489
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:11,144
Holy Simoleons!
490
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,355
There must be five grand in there...
491
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:16,608
oh, which I intentionally
put in there for you,
492
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:20,779
you... you lucky little hamantashen.
493
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:24,074
Come on, how about a tune for the old man?
494
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,161
(gunshots)
495
00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:30,789
That's him, that's the one--
Homer Simpson!
496
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:33,208
-(guns firing)
-I said I was sorry.
497
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,876
-All right, fair enough.
-Oh, OK.
498
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,877
-Class act.
-Sorry--
499
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,254
you're such jerks!
500
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:38,380
Ha, ha!
501
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:40,507
(screaming)
502
00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:42,384
(gunfire continues)
503
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:45,304
HOMER: Ow! That bullet went in!
504
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:50,642
♪ Just like Cinderella,
the prince solved the mystery ♪
505
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,937
♪ Well, I conducted the test myself ♪
506
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,606
♪ And that slip looks
just the right size to me ♪
507
00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:59,276
♪ Well, I like that girl ♪
508
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,445
♪ She's the cutest little thing I know ♪
509
00:22:01,528 --> 00:22:03,238
♪ Plus, she likes me back ♪
510
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,784
♪ And all mine from head to toe ♪
511
00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,495
♪ Yeah, she never makes me
wonder when it comes to that ♪
512
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,622
♪ When my head's in a whirl ♪
513
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:14,750
♪ 'Cause I like that girl ♪
514
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,126
(instrumental music continues)
515
00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:27,888
-(murmuring)
-Shh!
516
00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:29,056
(John Updike chuckling)
517
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:30,349
KRUSTY: Shut up, Updike!
518
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,893
{\an8}Captioned by
Visual Data Media Services