(theme music playing)
CHORUS: ♪ The Simpsons ♪
(bell ringing)
(whistle blows)
(beeping)
(playing the blues)
(jazzy solo)
(chimes)
(tires screeching)
(honking horn)
D'oh!
(screams)
(tires screeching)
-D'oh! -Now, be careful
with those video cameras, children.
In order to buy them, the school board had
to eliminate geography.
This globe will never spin again.
Now, class, I want you
to be creative with your video projects.
I don't want to see 30 Blair Witch knockoffs.
ALL: Aww...
(giggling)
Stop Hitting Yourself. Take one.
Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.
-Stop hitting yourself. -Ow!
Tonight, on the Discovery Channel,
Inside Lisa's Nose.
What will we find? Boogers or Nazi gold?
Bart, quit it.
No way.
Bart sleeps with Raggedy Andy.
Cut. Cut. Cut.
Otto, a red traffic light means what?
Ooh! No time for brain teasers.
Today's the day I ask my girlfriend
to take a ride on the matrimony pony.
(singsongy) Otto's got a girlfriend!
Otto's got a girlfriend!
That's right, I do.
I--I know you do. Baby.
Otto, since when have you had a girlfriend?
We met in the summer of love.
Woodstock '99.
-(rock music playing) -(cheering)
-Quick! I need some water! -Eight dollars.
Huh, not in this lifetime.
OK, this is it.
Otto?
♪ Every rose has its thorn ♪
♪ Just like every cowboy ♪
♪ Sings his sad, sad song... ♪
Becky... you're my rose.
Will you let me be your thorn?
Oh, Otto, of course my answer is--
Ooh, wait, wait, wait, wait. This solo is kick-ass!
(guitar solo blares on radio)
Honey, could you turn it down?
OK, but this better be worth it.
Yes, I will marry you.
Cool.
(kids cheering)
HOMER: Hmm?
Hmm?
Homer, look, we're invited to Otto's wedding.
Ooh, and such delicate tissue paper.
Huh? Zigzag?
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
No knife games on the kitchen table.
I didn't hit your precious table.
Ooh, we're "cordially invited, this Saturday
to join Otto and Becky at 742 Evergreen Terrace."
That's our address.
I told Otto he could have the wedding here.
-Hope that's OK. -You should have asked first, Bart.
Weddings are hard work
and cost thousands of dollars.
Hey, it'll be easy. You've still got most of the stuff
-from Apu's wedding back there. -(trumpets)
(groans)
All right, Otto can get married here
but, Homer, you have to get rid of that elephant.
(whimpering)
(tires screeching)
Let's see. Candles, flowers, place cards, rice...
Oh, Mom, you're not supposed to throw rice anymore.
Birds eat it, their stomachs swell, and they explode.
Why am I just learning this now?
(chuckles)
(organ music playing)
Son, your mother and I don't approve of this marriage
as we've not approved of any part of your life to date.
Well, the important thing is you came.
We're leaving.
Drive safe!
(grunts) Always a bridesmaid.
Only occasionally a bride.
Lisa, it's time you learned the truth about men.
-They're pigs? -The bitterness is strong in this one.
(both cackling)
So, any words for the bride and groom?
Not now, Bart.
I'm trying to urinate.
You don't seem to be trying very hard.
(humming)
Dad, the bride and groom are supposed
to cut the wedding cake.
Oh, that's just superstition.
Thank you.
(humming)
(slurping)
(cackles)
(whistling)
Oh, Becky, you look beautiful.
I thought you might want to see this bridal magazine.
It's got 900 tips for the perfect marriage.
All "don'ts."
Oh, we'll be fine.
Otto's got a clean police record,
and he doesn't do any needle drugs.
Well, the real key, according to sexperts,
is mutual interests.
No prob. We like all the same things.
-Except... -Mm-hmm?
Don't tell Otto, but I'm not
into heavy metal, and he loves it.
He refers to our lovemaking as the headbanger's ball.
Oh, you can fix little defects like that with gentle nagging.
Make it part of the background noise of your relationship.
That's how I polished Homer into the perfect-- Homer!
No! That's ice!
(grunts)
(humming)
And now... (clears throat)
as for the matter of my honorarium.
-What? -You know, my emolument.
-Huh? -Pay me. Three hundred dollars.
Three hundred? I could have gotten Rick Dees for that.
("Wedding March" playing)
(music stops)
(playing "Nothing but a Good Time")
(music stops)
You got Poison to play at our wedding?
We're Cyanide, a loving tribute to Poison.
We need a ride home!
You expect me to walk down the aisle
to a monster ballad?
Let me talk to Otto.
Oh, that's OK.
I guess this is sort of...
(sniffs) ...our song.
Well, it doesn't have to be.
Otto's just going to have to decide
what's more important,
his heavy metal or you.
(playing "Nothing but a Good Time")
Becky, what have I done here?
I'm so sorry.
In about 15 minutes,
I'd take off that wedding dress
or you're going to look crazy.
(sobs)
Moe, can I give you some shrimp for the road?
Nah, I'll just take the ring pillow...
and these, uh, seven presents I brung.
Ah, you know what? Cram some shrimp in, too.
Head to tail. That way you can fit more.
How about some sauce?
(mumbles) Thanks.
Becky, I know you must feel awful,
but at least this didn't happen after you were married.
Yes, better now than when you're too old
and fat to get another man.
(sobs)
I feel so alone.
What am I going to do?
Hey, why don't you stay with us?
Bart, remember that talk we had
about you volunteering our house?
Remember that talk we had
about you not wrecking people's weddings?
(grumbling)
It's settled. The stranger stays with us.
HOMER, LISA AND BART: Yay!
HOMER: ♪ Cha-cha-cha-changes ♪
♪ Time to change the oi-l ♪
♪ Changes ♪
♪ Don't wanna be an oily man ♪
A man innocently changes his oil when...
a two-ton car comes crashing down.
♪ But it won't change oil... ♪
Crashing down.
(grunts)
Oh!
Who'd have thought you could hold up a car
with a wicker basket?
Now, Lisa's going through this phase
where she doesn't eat any meat.
So, I usually sneak a little
meat juice into her vegetables.
Wow, you're a real life Martha Stewart.
I mean, without the evil.
May I?
Mmm! Yummers.
Nobody's ever called my gravy yummers before!
Mmm! You know what would be really nuts? A little rosemary.
Ooh, ooh! I've always wanted to use rosemary in something.
(slurping and smacking)
Mmm.
Mmm! Mom, this gravy
tastes better than God's sweat.
Thanks to our own spice girl, Becky.
Well, Mom, you really brought out
the mung in these beans.
Actually, that was Becky, too.
What are these things in the mashed potatoes?
That's the skins. I left them on.
Well, nobody's perfect. Let me just pick those out.
No! Oh, Becky.
Your potatoes are the best I've ever had.
Oh, God.
Hey! Hey! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah! Hah!
-Hey! Hah! Hah! -Stop kicking my baby!
Ah, it's cool. We're just putting some Jackie Chan moves
into Bart's video project.
Yeah, Mom, I need something great.
Milhouse has footage of himself falling down the stairs.
Well, no kicking. It's too dangerous.
Marge, chill out! I have great control.
See? Hah! Hah!
That's very impressive, but I still don't...
Stop that!
Hey! Hey!
(saxophone playing)
(grunting)
(grunting continues)
MARGE: Well, hello!
We're jamming, Mom.
She's painting my music,
and I'm playing to her painting.
Isn't it wonderful to have
a hip female influence in the house?
Yes. Well, I guess I'll go roll socks.
It's not hip, but it has to be done.
Actually, you could just tie them at the ends.
That way, the elastic doesn't wear out.
Yes, I hate when things get worn out.
Mmm. Socks, welcomes...
She's so helpful, and everyone loves her.
And well, this may sound crazy,
but I think my family likes Becky more than me.
(laughs nervously)
-I wouldn't worry about that. -Really?
Yeah, you're going to be dead in a week, anyway.
Dead in a week? What are you talking about?
Look, honey, never let an attractive woman into your house.
All they ever do is usurp your family
and then kill you.
Like that documentary,
The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.
That was a movie.
Look, all we know
is she's going to shoot you
or stab you or boil you.
Or club you with an antique wooden doll.
(chuckling) Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a good one.
Oh, but first, she's going to seduce your husband.
Becky's going to seduce Homer?
-Ugh... -Ugh...
It's an act of violence, not love.
(snores)
(groaning softly)
(door creaks)
(gasps)
Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?
I wanted to return your hair dryer.
(gun cocks)
(whimpers)
Oh, and here's your brush.
(mumbles incoherently)
You just enjoy your grocery shopping, Marge.
And if you pick up some Semolina,
I can make couscous for Lisa.
Ah! It's my favorite!
-It is? -Oh, yeah.
You can learn a lot from your kids
if you just listen to them.
(giggles)
(groans)
Be right back.
Take your time!
Why do I always think of the perfect thing to say
when it's too late?
Shut up, Becky!
Oh, that would have been sweet.
(gasps) No?
-(buzzing) -MARGE: The brakes cut light!
(horn honking)
-(tires screeching) -MARGE: It's red!
-(grunting) -Uh!
-Ooh! -Wow. Tough glass.
(shutter clicks)
I still say ours is bigger.
(screaming)
Our speed bumps are stronger, too.
CLANCY: I don't know, Simpson.
How do I know you didn't cut your own brakes?
Why would I do that?
I don't know, get some attention
from a handsome police officer?
That's crazy!
(sighs)
Look, I know I don't have any proof,
but this woman is trying to kill me.
Ah, fine.
Let me tell you what I tell everybody
who comes in here.
The law is powerless to help you.
Do I have to be dead before you'll help me?
Well, not dead, dying.
No, no, no, don't walk away.
Wait, how about this, just show me the knife.
In your back. Not too deep,
but it should be able to stand by itself.
Come on, Becky, tell us your big news.
Well, I wanted to wait for your mother, but OK.
I found an apartment, and I'm moving out.
-Oh, no! -HOMER AND BART: Oh!
Becky, I think I speak for all of us when I say...
when's the ice cream going to get here?
-(thunder crashes) -(both gasp)
And god said gather ye
two of every flavor,
anoint them with 62 sauces,
whipped cream, and nuts,
and ye shall call it
"The Ark."
Oh, oh... (panting)
(gagging)
-Homer! -Relax, he's gorging.
-OK, maybe not. -(grunts)
We've got to save him!
(Marge screams)
Usurper! Usurper!
Usurper!
Don't mess with me. I've got jimmies!
(screaming)
I can only see a horrible rainbow.
(glass shattering)
(gasps)
Shut up, Becky!
There. I finally said it.
(growling)
(screaming)
CLANCY: Drop the cone, sugar.
(gunshot)
Hmm. Whoopsie.
Take her away, boys.
I thought you said the law was powerless.
Powerless to help you, not punish you.
(slurps) Mmm. Earned my treat.
This isn't over, Becky.
I know where you live.
My house!
Poor Maggie. How many insanity hearings
have you been to in your short little life?
Mrs. Simpson, before we begin,
I just want to assure you that this is not a trial.
-Oh. -Aw...
All right, it's a trial.
-Yes! -Yes!
Now, Marge, according to this,
you recently went berserk in an ice cream parlor.
Yes.
And, Marge, did you ever have
an unhealthy fixation on Ringo Starr?
It was healthy. He reciprocated.
He reciprocated!
(mumbling) Please...
-Please... -Excuse me, what are you doing?
Oh, I was just praying to God that you'll find me sane.
I see. And this "God," is he in this room right now?
Oh, yes, he's kind of everywhere.
-Hmm... -Mm-mm.
Marge Simpson, you give us no choice
but to declare you utterly...
I'm not insane!
You didn't let me finish.
Insane!
(gasps)
(all gasp)
Oh!
Aah!
I'm not insane.
Run, Marge! Run!
Pump those crazy legs!
Police say escaped mental patient Marge Simpson
could be anywhere,
even here at Juggernauts,
where it's wet t-shirt month.
(waitresses cheering)
But for now, this reporter prays
that "Mad Marge" can be captured
before she kills again.
Kills again? She hasn't killed once.
Shouldn't we be out there trying to find her?
Don't worry, she'll show up here sooner or later
to finish off Becky.
Then we'll have Mommy back.
Hmm? Hmm? (gasps)
(breathing heavily)
(marching band music playing)
(grunting)
Come back! Those are prescription pants.
Now, Ralphie, what are you going to do
if you see Mrs. Simpson?
Freeze, you crazy mommy!
Attaboy, but you got to aim a little higher.
There you go. That's a kill shot.
Now, we've got a special guest.
She just flew in from the cuckoo's nest
and boy, is she crazy.
Crazy Marge Simpson!
(laughing) Look at that.
(imitating Marge) Hello, Krusty.
(laughing)
Oh, that's funny.
So, Marge,
who's your favorite Native American warrior?
Crazy Horse, Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
(blubbering) No, no, no...
All right, all right. Stop it.
Oh, this bit's dying.
Let's go to the Mad Marge dancers.
(Russian music plays)
-Too soon. -Oh, I really miss Mom.
The kids are saying if you say "Bloody Margie" five times,
she'll appear, but then she gouges your eyes out.
I hear she mates with men, then eats them.
I'm sure if Marge were here and not crazy,
she'd be telling you two to do your homework
and you to finish washing the dog.
(flies buzzing)
(panting)
Now, let's find out who this Becky really is.
(gasps)
(groans)
I really should read the whole headline
before I react.
Oh, my, I've been so unfair to Becky.
Maybe I am insane.
I mean, I am talking to myself.
You are? Oh, I thought I'd made a friend.
Becky, I want to apologize to you--
Usurper!
Hyah!
-Why you little... -BART: Cut! Cut!
Mom, it's great to have you back,
but you walked right into my shot.
"Shot"? What... what are you...
I hope we didn't scare you, Marge.
Bart's just filming a music video for his class project.
And I'm directing the "making of" video.
Oh...
Well, then, I guess there's
a reasonable explanation for everything,
except you cutting my brakes.
Oh, about that. Uh, when I changed your oil,
I may have drained your brake fluid.
I didn't say anything because I thought you'd be mad.
Oh, boy, my bad.
Becky, I'm so sorry I accused you
of trying to kill me and steal my family.
Hey, no biggie.
I was trying to steal your family.
I even thought of a good place to bury you.
But then I didn't have a shovel so I went to the hardware store
and they have six different kinds,
and I was, like, "later."
Well, that's a relief, too,
knowing I'm not crazy.
So, I guess everything really worked out for the...
-(Homer gasps) -Mom!
-You monsters! You killed her! -No, they didn't.
-(gasps) -Good lord!
We put enough tranquilizers in there
to take down Jonathan Winters.
Oh, I've got too much to do to take a nap right now.
Lisa, get Maggie out of that cage.
And, Homer, since you're dressed for it,
I got some "S&M" for ya,
scrubbing and mopping.
(laughing)
(groans)
Thank you.
(theme music playing)
-(murmuring) -Shh.
Captioned by Visual Data Media Services